[Music]
hello I’m Nick Joyce I’m a psychologist
I work at the Counseling Center and I
have a problem it’s actually the same
problem that all of us have and that’s
dealing with our minds and the thoughts
and feelings that they give us along
with me tonight is my mind I make this
gesture because I think about my mind is
separate from myself Nick and Nick’s
mind and they seem odd to you in Western
society we don’t usually talk about us
being separate from our minds but I’m
going to discuss tonight is the fact
that we are not our minds
we’re not the fats that our minds give
us they do not define us and that even
when our minds tell us very hurtful new
things there’s another way forward my
mind’s particularly anxious I’ve been
anxious the last couple of hours before
coming up here tonight but I’ve learned
a way to manage that mind through loving
it and a better way forward
ask any collegiate mental health
professional and they will tell you that
there is a mental health crisis among
students our number is at USF counseling
center
bear that out we have record numbers of
students coming to see us who are saying
I need your help this is a national
trend as one what our Counseling Center
is not very different from any other
place where students are at last year
our students took the American College
Health assessment they told us in that
assessment 84 percent of you felt
overwhelmed 57 percent of you felt
overwhelmingly anxious 57 percent of you
felt very sad 53 percent of you felt
lonely 33 percent were so depressed it
was difficult to function nine percent
to the point where they thought about
killing themselves it’s easy to look at
these numbers and say there is a crisis
what is going on why are college
students so mentally ill easy to think
that right after all anxiety stress
depression those are not fun things or
not healthy things or not things that we
should experience what I would argue too
though is that enzyme
sadness stress all other parts of being
human a normal part of the college
experience what’s happened though is
will become so afraid of those things
that we’ve sort of messed up the process
as humans of how we deal with those
things so in my role as our psychologist
in the Counseling Center students come
to me every day they sit down with chair
in my office and they say doctor dress
help me with this thing it could be
stress it can be anxiety it could be an
eating disorder drug abuse etc but the
essence of whatever they’re coming in
for is tools help me not have this thing
anymore which makes sense it’s
distressing they don’t want it and one
of the first things I have to do with
them is tell them right now I can’t get
rid of that thing that may be hard for
you to hear
there’s no therapist that can get rid of
what you are experiencing right now
there is away though those a set of
skills that if we practice them can help
you manage those experiences better and
they will become less distressing as a
result when I was an adolescent in
middle and high school I was very
depressed and there are the criteria for
being depressed in the DSM which our
field uses to diagnose mental illness
you would have seen a kid who had a poor
mood sat alone by himself added I’m
wasn’t motivated had no energy dinner
enjoyed doing stuff experiences growing
out my mind had learned to sort of for
social interaction it was constantly any
thoughts of people suck it’s awkward
talking to people you’re going to
embarrass yourself and so my mind went
to work trying to solve that issue for
me essentially it’s sad no it Nick let’s
just a very dealing with people so I sat
alone and I read a lot and I went home
from school I went up to my room and I
worked in the aerial chat rooms because
that was my social outlet that’s what I
could do to talk to people I didn’t have
to feel anxious or awkward talking to
people in the chat room and guess what
that behavior
worked every birthday at home from
school I talked to people on AOL I did
not have to flip anxious I did not have
to feel awkward that’s the amazing thing
about our minds their excellent problem
solvers
it’s sad my problem of being anxious and
awkward and embarrassed except every
short-term data I wasn’t feeling anxious
and awkward I was beginning to suffer I
was beginning to in fact a longer-term
issue that was much worse for me I
wanted our friends I wanted to try new
things I wrapped a had a life but I
wasn’t doing anything to get there and
guess what I became depressed as I just
said about in every way talking to
people in a little chat rooms I’m gonna
step back to my story for a second and
tell you a couple realities about the
human mind
number one ever seen that one every
single person has it and they all
operate in the same way our minds want
to protect us from pain it’s a great
asset the titanians developed a whole
bunch of things to help us out in life
we developed electricity bill of
darkness
air conditioning to give beauty in our
house for the summers right RIT has to
deal with carbons that balanced in a
budget
finding the fastest way to a new
location but it doesn’t work so well and
apply to the problem other thoughts and
feelings with our thoughts and feelings
Netflix
food sex drugs and alcohol
procrastinating with friends difficult
thought feeling or memory sober at the
show ends or our friends go home
that seems that fear memory status
they’re oftentimes much worse than we
first try to get rid of it secondly our
minds are easily influenced our friends
our family society in general and give
us messages about what we should be
doing in our lives so my mind was
influenced by the kids who teased me in
middle school yeah I may have been
influenced by parents who expected
straight A’s I am influenced by that dog
that bitch you and now you’re afraid of
dogs all sorts of different experiences
growing up cause our minds to be
affected and cause us to feel these
different things
finally our lives influenced us out of
love but just where our parents or
friends may care about us they sometimes
give us advice that isn’t really helpful
my mom tells me to do stuff at a time
that is not useful for me at all so had
to note that she’s doing out of love but
it’s not particularly helpful for me so
that was 16 years old
cynical anxious depressed awkward
looking teenager not a good recipe for
having a fun life and I don’t know or
how it happened but I got something
different
I’ve never terminology or the
understanding that I have now as a
professional but then is what I want
detect from now as basically at the core
of every therapy session I now conduct
so the first skill is called diffusion
diffusion is simply the idea that I need
to create space for my thoughts and
feelings I think about it like my
glasses
in a typical day I’m walking around
everything’s okay until a situation
happens like this glasses for me last
night is thinking about this talk today
as I sat there trying to relax and hang
out and watch TV my mind just spoke up
and said hey Nick talk tomorrow
do you know your stuff what if you mess
up this isn’t your credit people could
see it and laugh at you people audience
might not know what you’re talking about
and give me these anxious spots we’ll
just set here on my face the change the
moral experience of I just had this talk
to something that was much more anxiety
tinged so diffusion
between I’m gonna boundless talk tonight
and I’m having the fat that I’m gonna
bomb this talk tonight it’s the
difference between working on through a
thought and looking at a thought
I also call it stemming at any moment I
could fill a blank of the stem that goes
I am having the thought of blank I’m
having a feeling of blank I’m having
edge to blank I don’t judge this is good
or bad
there you go useful or not useful
there’s another way I think about that
same concept this is my own this is what
I’m feeling good this is the first week
of the semester there’s nothing to do
classes get out it’s perfectly sweet for
all of us right soft feel and great
concerns of finals I’m gonna be down
here with my mood this is just the best
I really anyone’s good do cuz more dude
there’s no stress there’s more papers
there’s more letters just more to give
but here’s the problem when my mind
comes in my mind looks at this mood
because Nick this is not good enough you
should feel this you should feel like
this at the time this is not good and I
don’t say that my current experience I’m
going this isn’t good enough I need to
be back up there and it starts figuring
out a whole bunch of ways to try to make
me temporarily feel good
so I procrastinate and I put off my work
and I feel temper over here and that’s
what I end up going way down here
because it always rebounds students just
down here this part is under our control
in this path oftentimes is not a family
member getting sick moving sick
my parents losing a job me knocking your
job these things
temporary when it’s down here and I have
no control over but how I respond to
them how do I deal with them can keep me
here or it can bring me down here over
time I can eventually get back up here
they have to marriage my mind in order
to do that so for
a difference for my experience secondly
I get to make a decision when I
experiences out here I’m looking at my
thoughts and feelings are surfed here
though I get to make my decision am I
going to grow the change wrap am I gonna
go the letting-go route but I can’t do a
sit right here know what the grass is on
thinking and analyzing and worrying and
losing hours and days and weeks because
ultimately I have these two options so
for the last night it depended it always
depends
last night I was sitting that iron Gable
a star about this talk tonight and of it
well if I wasn’t prepared I need to
rehearse more that same fella that said
hey Nick what a screw-up that actually
could be abilities for fat because that
help me get off the couch stop watching
TV go rehearse might talk more it’s
helping me not fail but the fact of the
matter is I’ve done this plenty of times
too many times because of my anxiety set
to go
I wasn’t gonna roll gained anything more
from doing it again said of life will
note that thought say thanks for the
suggestion and guess what they came back
about 30 seconds later
I did the same thing again and I do it
several times over that course of the
night I think that read my dog sometimes
when I get a rotisserie chicken
my dog is redder than my space Thank You
me for that food eventually in fact more
the dog she chose out it takes a little
bit of time though if I give her a
little bit of food she’s gonna keep
coming back I replied that same method
to my mind and eventually the fats were
right I was able to have a relaxing
evening
so I’ve displaced from my experience
I’ve chosen to go a change or letting go
rally and third is I have to develop an
attitude towards my life I call this
process versus outcome living I can only
deal with the process of how I am in my
life now that was outcome driven because
Henoch indigent a on this test you need
to get that job you get that person to
like you only a little bit a lot of what
I can gain controls that I have no
control over what that person who’s
hiring wants of me
I don’t know her are control of what my
professors think of my ideas so for me
this was very applicable when I was
dating I wanted to find a partner I
wanted to do that but why the surface on
the outcome of rejection that it said
Nick stay at home don’t talk to pooper
you’ll get turned down that doesn’t get
me very well in the dating world and sad
I have to go and talk to people
the process is I’m going to talk to
people I’ve no control over if there’s
any attraction of bad guys with glasses
or the psychologist all I can do is go
and talk to people and nine times out of
ten I’m gonna get rejected and I’d okay
with that because that’s the only that
one time out of ten is what I get what I
need what I want what I’m looking for
that’s your chance of doing that if I
just sit at home doing nothing so I
called this talk learning to let go
because I’m constantly doing it I
haven’t got out of some state where I’m
there I have to keep working on it I
have to keep practicing it and at this
point
it’s actually pretty easy it doesn’t
take a whole lot of time it doesn’t take
a whole lot of effort it’s not hard but
sometimes I do backtrack every once
awhile I lose an hour maybe I’ll ever
lose an evening to being anxious and
that’s okay I just mindfully know it
give myself some forgiveness and voice
and move on I challenge all of you to
try to love your minds and work on that
skill even when your line is saying
things to you that aren’t very nice when
it says you’re a loser
you’re not good enough you’re going to
fail whether it’s thinking about going
to that club where you don’t know anyone
whether it’s talking that professor
during office hours about a concept you
don’t know whether it’s talking about
person your class that you got a crush
on you can note my suggestion to not do
that thing let it go and still go each
in that action with all the anxiety and
distress that’s involved in it I’m still
anxious up here talking you right now
but I just shows that I wanted to do it
and I’m going to do with my anxiety
while I give this talk and if you begin
to go that route you notice find
yourself a little bit closer to a
limitless life
[Music]
hello I’m Nick Joyce I’m a psychologist
I work at the Counseling Center and I
have a problem it’s actually the same
problem that all of us have and that’s
dealing with our minds and the thoughts
and feelings that they give us along
with me tonight is my mind I make this
gesture because I think about my mind is
separate from myself Nick and Nick’s
mind and they seem odd to you in Western
society we don’t usually talk about us
being separate from our minds but I’m
going to discuss tonight is the fact
that we are not our minds
we’re not the fats that our minds give
us they do not define us and that even
when our minds tell us very hurtful new
things there’s another way forward my
mind’s particularly anxious I’ve been
anxious the last couple of hours before
coming up here tonight but I’ve learned
a way to manage that mind through loving
it and a better way forward
ask any collegiate mental health
professional and they will tell you that
there is a mental health crisis among
students our number is at USF counseling
center
bear that out we have record numbers of
students coming to see us who are saying
I need your help this is a national
trend as one what our Counseling Center
is not very different from any other
place where students are at last year
our students took the American College
Health assessment they told us in that
assessment 84 percent of you felt
overwhelmed 57 percent of you felt
overwhelmingly anxious 57 percent of you
felt very sad 53 percent of you felt
lonely 33 percent were so depressed it
was difficult to function nine percent
to the point where they thought about
killing themselves it’s easy to look at
these numbers and say there is a crisis
what is going on why are college
students so mentally ill easy to think
that right after all anxiety stress
depression those are not fun things or
not healthy things or not things that we
should experience what I would argue too
though is that enzyme
sadness stress all other parts of being
human a normal part of the college
experience what’s happened though is
will become so afraid of those things
that we’ve sort of messed up the process
as humans of how we deal with those
things so in my role as our psychologist
in the Counseling Center students come
to me every day they sit down with chair
in my office and they say doctor dress
help me with this thing it could be
stress it can be anxiety it could be an
eating disorder drug abuse etc but the
essence of whatever they’re coming in
for is tools help me not have this thing
anymore which makes sense it’s
distressing they don’t want it and one
of the first things I have to do with
them is tell them right now I can’t get
rid of that thing that may be hard for
you to hear
there’s no therapist that can get rid of
what you are experiencing right now
there is away though those a set of
skills that if we practice them can help
you manage those experiences better and
they will become less distressing as a
result when I was an adolescent in
middle and high school I was very
depressed and there are the criteria for
being depressed in the DSM which our
field uses to diagnose mental illness
you would have seen a kid who had a poor
mood sat alone by himself added I’m
wasn’t motivated had no energy dinner
enjoyed doing stuff experiences growing
out my mind had learned to sort of for
social interaction it was constantly any
thoughts of people suck it’s awkward
talking to people you’re going to
embarrass yourself and so my mind went
to work trying to solve that issue for
me essentially it’s sad no it Nick let’s
just a very dealing with people so I sat
alone and I read a lot and I went home
from school I went up to my room and I
worked in the aerial chat rooms because
that was my social outlet that’s what I
could do to talk to people I didn’t have
to feel anxious or awkward talking to
people in the chat room and guess what
that behavior
worked every birthday at home from
school I talked to people on AOL I did
not have to flip anxious I did not have
to feel awkward that’s the amazing thing
about our minds their excellent problem
solvers
it’s sad my problem of being anxious and
awkward and embarrassed except every
short-term data I wasn’t feeling anxious
and awkward I was beginning to suffer I
was beginning to in fact a longer-term
issue that was much worse for me I
wanted our friends I wanted to try new
things I wrapped a had a life but I
wasn’t doing anything to get there and
guess what I became depressed as I just
said about in every way talking to
people in a little chat rooms I’m gonna
step back to my story for a second and
tell you a couple realities about the
human mind
number one ever seen that one every
single person has it and they all
operate in the same way our minds want
to protect us from pain it’s a great
asset the titanians developed a whole
bunch of things to help us out in life
we developed electricity bill of
darkness
air conditioning to give beauty in our
house for the summers right RIT has to
deal with carbons that balanced in a
budget
finding the fastest way to a new
location but it doesn’t work so well and
apply to the problem other thoughts and
feelings with our thoughts and feelings
Netflix
food sex drugs and alcohol
procrastinating with friends difficult
thought feeling or memory sober at the
show ends or our friends go home
that seems that fear memory status
they’re oftentimes much worse than we
first try to get rid of it secondly our
minds are easily influenced our friends
our family society in general and give
us messages about what we should be
doing in our lives so my mind was
influenced by the kids who teased me in
middle school yeah I may have been
influenced by parents who expected
straight A’s I am influenced by that dog
that bitch you and now you’re afraid of
dogs all sorts of different experiences
growing up cause our minds to be
affected and cause us to feel these
different things
finally our lives influenced us out of
love but just where our parents or
friends may care about us they sometimes
give us advice that isn’t really helpful
my mom tells me to do stuff at a time
that is not useful for me at all so had
to note that she’s doing out of love but
it’s not particularly helpful for me so
that was 16 years old
cynical anxious depressed awkward
looking teenager not a good recipe for
having a fun life and I don’t know or
how it happened but I got something
different
I’ve never terminology or the
understanding that I have now as a
professional but then is what I want
detect from now as basically at the core
of every therapy session I now conduct
so the first skill is called diffusion
diffusion is simply the idea that I need
to create space for my thoughts and
feelings I think about it like my
glasses
in a typical day I’m walking around
everything’s okay until a situation
happens like this glasses for me last
night is thinking about this talk today
as I sat there trying to relax and hang
out and watch TV my mind just spoke up
and said hey Nick talk tomorrow
do you know your stuff what if you mess
up this isn’t your credit people could
see it and laugh at you people audience
might not know what you’re talking about
and give me these anxious spots we’ll
just set here on my face the change the
moral experience of I just had this talk
to something that was much more anxiety
tinged so diffusion
between I’m gonna boundless talk tonight
and I’m having the fat that I’m gonna
bomb this talk tonight it’s the
difference between working on through a
thought and looking at a thought
I also call it stemming at any moment I
could fill a blank of the stem that goes
I am having the thought of blank I’m
having a feeling of blank I’m having
edge to blank I don’t judge this is good
or bad
there you go useful or not useful
there’s another way I think about that
same concept this is my own this is what
I’m feeling good this is the first week
of the semester there’s nothing to do
classes get out it’s perfectly sweet for
all of us right soft feel and great
concerns of finals I’m gonna be down
here with my mood this is just the best
I really anyone’s good do cuz more dude
there’s no stress there’s more papers
there’s more letters just more to give
but here’s the problem when my mind
comes in my mind looks at this mood
because Nick this is not good enough you
should feel this you should feel like
this at the time this is not good and I
don’t say that my current experience I’m
going this isn’t good enough I need to
be back up there and it starts figuring
out a whole bunch of ways to try to make
me temporarily feel good
so I procrastinate and I put off my work
and I feel temper over here and that’s
what I end up going way down here
because it always rebounds students just
down here this part is under our control
in this path oftentimes is not a family
member getting sick moving sick
my parents losing a job me knocking your
job these things
temporary when it’s down here and I have
no control over but how I respond to
them how do I deal with them can keep me
here or it can bring me down here over
time I can eventually get back up here
they have to marriage my mind in order
to do that so for
a difference for my experience secondly
I get to make a decision when I
experiences out here I’m looking at my
thoughts and feelings are surfed here
though I get to make my decision am I
going to grow the change wrap am I gonna
go the letting-go route but I can’t do a
sit right here know what the grass is on
thinking and analyzing and worrying and
losing hours and days and weeks because
ultimately I have these two options so
for the last night it depended it always
depends
last night I was sitting that iron Gable
a star about this talk tonight and of it
well if I wasn’t prepared I need to
rehearse more that same fella that said
hey Nick what a screw-up that actually
could be abilities for fat because that
help me get off the couch stop watching
TV go rehearse might talk more it’s
helping me not fail but the fact of the
matter is I’ve done this plenty of times
too many times because of my anxiety set
to go
I wasn’t gonna roll gained anything more
from doing it again said of life will
note that thought say thanks for the
suggestion and guess what they came back
about 30 seconds later
I did the same thing again and I do it
several times over that course of the
night I think that read my dog sometimes
when I get a rotisserie chicken
my dog is redder than my space Thank You
me for that food eventually in fact more
the dog she chose out it takes a little
bit of time though if I give her a
little bit of food she’s gonna keep
coming back I replied that same method
to my mind and eventually the fats were
right I was able to have a relaxing
evening
so I’ve displaced from my experience
I’ve chosen to go a change or letting go
rally and third is I have to develop an
attitude towards my life I call this
process versus outcome living I can only
deal with the process of how I am in my
life now that was outcome driven because
Henoch indigent a on this test you need
to get that job you get that person to
like you only a little bit a lot of what
I can gain controls that I have no
control over what that person who’s
hiring wants of me
I don’t know her are control of what my
professors think of my ideas so for me
this was very applicable when I was
dating I wanted to find a partner I
wanted to do that but why the surface on
the outcome of rejection that it said
Nick stay at home don’t talk to pooper
you’ll get turned down that doesn’t get
me very well in the dating world and sad
I have to go and talk to people
the process is I’m going to talk to
people I’ve no control over if there’s
any attraction of bad guys with glasses
or the psychologist all I can do is go
and talk to people and nine times out of
ten I’m gonna get rejected and I’d okay
with that because that’s the only that
one time out of ten is what I get what I
need what I want what I’m looking for
that’s your chance of doing that if I
just sit at home doing nothing so I
called this talk learning to let go
because I’m constantly doing it I
haven’t got out of some state where I’m
there I have to keep working on it I
have to keep practicing it and at this
point
it’s actually pretty easy it doesn’t
take a whole lot of time it doesn’t take
a whole lot of effort it’s not hard but
sometimes I do backtrack every once
awhile I lose an hour maybe I’ll ever
lose an evening to being anxious and
that’s okay I just mindfully know it
give myself some forgiveness and voice
and move on I challenge all of you to
try to love your minds and work on that
skill even when your line is saying
things to you that aren’t very nice when
it says you’re a loser
you’re not good enough you’re going to
fail whether it’s thinking about going
to that club where you don’t know anyone
whether it’s talking that professor
during office hours about a concept you
don’t know whether it’s talking about
person your class that you got a crush
on you can note my suggestion to not do
that thing let it go and still go each
in that action with all the anxiety and
distress that’s involved in it I’m still
anxious up here talking you right now
but I just shows that I wanted to do it
and I’m going to do with my anxiety
while I give this talk and if you begin
to go that route you notice find
yourself a little bit closer to a
limitless life
[Music]
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