the world is a stage and the men and
women are really players they have their
exits and they have the entrances and
one man in his time has many parts so
said William Shakespeare but what
happens when a schizophrenic has a
conversation with Shakespeare you get me
and Who am I
I’m the merchant of madness I’m here to
sell you madness I even have a license
for it it was given to me in 2002 just
before my 22nd birthday I know I look
very young I told the most immortal they
call me crazy why it was given to me in
the forum or for a hospital discharge
card here you go you’re paranoid
schizophrenia what hell is that now my
father being a scientist couldn’t even
pronounce schizophrenia he’s big I’ve
never heard of this one let me check my
books why I was presented to me in a
form of a card and I realize my entire
world just collapsed but I’m not going
to tell you that story you know it’s
it’s it’s not really relevant from you
today we’re gonna fast hold and take
your head because you also have an
adjective called schizophrenic and
schizophrenic means I’m only a label and
I’m not a person anymore so I did
something to this disorder psychiatrists
call it the most debilitating human mind
or brain condition in the world it’s the
father of all disorders wonderful I have
depression anxiety dissociative D
personalizations
hallucinations divisions persecutions
delusions of grandeur Oz name it and I
have that disorder I have a disorder for
every single day of my life in every
single hour and it’s called a mental
illness and I consider that a problem we
in two hundred years of this mental
illness existing in this world there are
no known recovered cases of people with
schizophrenia I wonder why I really
wonder why so in my condition of having
these kids afraid yeah I was just told
that you’ll be given medications for the
rest of your life this is what it is
because I don’t know the doctor says we
don’t know whether you recover there’s
absolutely no hope absolutely no cure
you’ll just have to take it and we just
gotta wait and see fast forward a little
bit but a friend came along very
recently actually and I’m going to tell
you about my friend a very special
friend I met him early this year but I
also lost him pretty recently his name
is Jake and he taught me a lot of things
about life and I think everybody should
also hear so I’m actually talking on
behalf of Jake and and Jake gave me the
most magical moments in my life I could
tell him stuff that I couldn’t tell
anybody and he would know about it
I didn’t have to speak I didn’t have to
use English or Hindi or Marathi or or
some other language on this earth these
are to communicate to Jake he simply
knew and it’s a very different concept
than understanding Jake just accepted me
for who I am Jake taught me stuff about
the spiritual he taught me how to how he
taught me how to eat my food in the most
aware alert space under a tree he taught
me about birds he taught me about
hugging trees he taught me about love he
taught me what kindness he taught me
about imagination he taught me about the
power of imagination and the
possibilities that exist and the things
that you can do with it but I kinda lost
Jake and he went into a different realm
I would say he says he told me that when
people cross over to the other side the
rainbows move and I said wow that’s
really beautiful and profound but I had
to learn what it meant now like Jake I
had many other friends like him I had a
friend
Kylee she was eight years old and I also
lost her and she taught me a lot of
other stuff before Kylie I had a friend
by the name of Stephen and I had Stephen
when I was when I was a kid bet not a
kid now right when I was a kid at this
age but I didn’t know who Stephen was
and I never really paid attention to
what he had to teach me now the trouble
with the difference between Stephen and
Jake is with Jake I can tell you about
him
because now you’re listening to me and I
have to always remind people you do not
but probably not schizophrenia if you
look at me like this it’s whew but then
I get a used TEDx as a rescues for you
looking at me and me feeling paranoid
but unlike Jake that I can talk about
right I couldn’t talk about Stephen in
the same way because I didn’t have the
right tools I didn’t have the same
strategy to sell it to you and I didn’t
look so well the problem of
schizophrenia was when I actually
started telling people about Stephen you
see Stephen Kiley and Jake have
something in common that none of you
know about you guys can’t see them only
I can see them and they’ve been with me
for a very very long time in my life
and they go and they come but they
taught me something about schizophrenia
that nobody will there would be a group
of people who call it a debilitating
mental illness and offer me no cure
there would be a group of other people
who’ll offer me no hope and a group of
men who we call men of God who hear
voices and see things and they consider
it a gift but when someone like me hears
voices and see things it’s called a
mental illness the difference between me
and a man of God is everybody worships
him the difference between me is when I
have an imaginary friend you call it a
delusion and society has an imaginary
friend it’s called religion right we
live in that society
[Applause]
and I didn’t say that coats okay I stole
that quote from somebody else with
schizophrenia obviously we just borrow
it from the universal consciousness it’s
called
I hear voices for a living I don’t get
paid for it I also hear voices because
some of them are sexy so you can call me
up I’ll tell you whether you’re sexy or
not but I also hear voices because I’m a
good listener and I don’t know how many
people really listen because all Jake
did was listen now another thing about
Jake he’s four years old how do you how
do you think I even spoke to Jake he
wouldn’t understand English he would
announce in the words that using English
because he just heard from here not the
mic my heart he just heard from here and
he said if only people heard each other
from here that’s where healing starts
and that’s where all the ideas that we
want to have come true that’s where it
comes from our imaginations and our
suffering and all of it we might think
it’s over here
but it’s really linked up over here if
you think cancer is an illness if you
think heart attack isn’t in this
everything diabetes is an illness if you
think schizophrenia anxiety depression
go on naming it and I’m going to say
okay fine it’s an illness at some level
for you for me I look at it differently
because I look at the fact that when we
go back home there’s one thing we look
for we look to feel belonged in this
world no matter what we do no matter
what we sell no matter what we talk
about we look to feel belonged and if
you don’t feel belonged you’re going to
feel mad because somebody else is
deciding that madness for you somebody
else is deciding what is normal and what
is abnormal in fact that’s the only time
when you open a book on psychology the
word is actually used that’s normal and
that’s abnormal so I’m abnormal you see
in a crowd of hundred people I’m the
only schizophrenic so I’m abnormal but
if I take you all to an asylum you 2,000
schizophrenic you’re all mad
madness is relative it’s a matter of
perspective people ask me who I am again
and I say I’m an alien from a different
planets now you like me because of the
way I look you listen to me also because
I’m not standing on the stage you have
no other choice but to listen to me but
20 years back nobody wanted to listen to
me all these side effects you know with
saliva drooling out of my mouth
30 kgs you know overweight I couldn’t
speak a word I lost my ability to count
nobody wanted to listen to the
schizophrenic for some very strange
reason people scare fear the
schizophrenic more than the rapist of
the neck or the creep next door and I
really think it’s range I ask myself wow
that’s pretty strange I’ve not raped any
of you
I’m not even molested any of you but
Jake taught me something important he
said that understanding someone it’s not
about talking to them people are a bit
confused
the minute we become adults we lose it
all because our ego comes in and a four
year old like Jake tells me that I don’t
need to understand you you don’t need to
tell me your problems for me to
understand you as long as I accept you
period I don’t have to make the effort
to understand you
the thing with fear the thing with Jake
the thing with all my imaginary friends
is it can be pretty annoying we have the
most horrible yet profound conversations
on earth and it comes with an element of
fear because it’s not easy of course
it’s not easy being schizophrenic in a
world that is already mad you know why
because people like the schizophrenic
will give you guys something to think of
schizophrenics make the community feel
better about themselves because there’s
somebody else to blame the madness for
right a bunch of people sitting in the
set inside asylums who don’t see the day
of lights they lost in there for hours
for lights of the entire life section
for some strange reason our families
lock us up and hide us inside our walls
I don’t know why but you don’t hide the
rapist inside a wall it’s all because
everybody’s prone to the same condition
everybody’s prone to the same suffering
that I’m prone to whether it’s
schizophrenia bipolar disorder epilepsy
you name
each and every one of us is suffering
inside of here and won’t find a it just
burst open and your mind starts running
loose and I think schizophrenia is a
gift for me because it freed my mind up
it freed my mind up from this stupid
constructions that the world around me
placed it freed my mind up for this
preconceived notions I had about myself
and about love and about everything else
that I learned it made me unlearn a lot
of things because I had no choice and
it’s a wonderful thing sometimes it’s a
wonderful thing when you are thrown into
that position she had the choice you
just have to listen to all the voices in
your head well Lord Ganesha does that no
but you know Lord Ganesha you don’t have
the elephant head okay all I had to do
was get an elephant head and get a bunch
I don’t want that I like the way I look
when people ask me what is schizophrenia
I just tell them it’s uncertainty
schizophrenia is this uncertainty living
inside of you
all throughout your life every single
day I don’t know what I’m saying on
stage until I walk up I never know my
rehearsal was something else what I’m
speaking is something else and what I’m
gonna walk out with I’m going to be
someone else because when I met a
quantum physicist and she asked me where
you from I said I’m an alien from a
different planet she’s like oh tell me
more I wouldn’t know more about your
planet I’m a quantum physicist you need
only a quantum physicist he’ll tell me
that because in her studies she tells me
that there’s something known as dark
energy and dark matter and the human
world as we know it or the or the
universe as we know it is just 5% of
what we know and there’s an entire other
percentage that you can count that we
don’t know that’s the amount of
uncertainty that we don’t have in our
lives and that to me is also
schizophrenia but we’re so driven with
this fact that can be point it can be
proven what is this that you’re having
and schizophrenia is never going to
leave me you will never find a cure for
it maybe you’ll find a way to live with
it through medications and other forms
of treatment but I started asking myself
why not first I asked why me why put me
in this
that I need to have like the most
craziest mental illness on earth where
society marginalizes stigmatizes removes
all our rights locks as away rejects us
at so many levels
why me then I said why not me I’ve been
given a job to do people asked me who I
am I say well let’s see I mean not just
my rights have a protagonist I’m a
speaker I’m a part-time professor I’m a
part-time lover I’m a full-time child
I’m a full-time I don’t know so many
things right I can be many things but
there’s just one thing I know that I
came into this universe with and I came
as an alien because I came in as an
alien when schizophrenia hit me and
decided to sort of empty my mind
completely remove it all
almost like an entire mind brain detox
people pay a lot for a person I you know
I did it and I got it free I really got
it free hallucinations forget me milta
everybody has to do drugs for it I get
it free but why am i in a lien again and
I’m not the only one who calls myself an
alien in fact I know a lot of people’s
having schizophrenia and other forms of
mental illness we all refer to ourselves
as alien because we live in this world
that makes us feel very alien very
alienated for who we are we don’t belong
anywhere and then we come to a
conclusion that ok fine I will not
belong anywhere but that’s not true
because we all want to feel belong then
you all want to fit in somewhere my
question is who then is mad we’re all
chasing these dreams and we’re all
chasing all kinds of things in this
world but yeah we want to fit in
somewhere and we want to belong
somewhere is it with someone or is it
with something I don’t know anymore
what is this place that we call home and
Jake told me home is really what love is
but humans don’t know how to love they
come with a series of expectations a
series of notions a series of a lot of
different things and what I also learned
from Jake is what I learn from an
imaginary friend that I’m telling you
about is
the best way to really accept someone is
to simply be there when they
experiencing a reaction that you don’t
understand and every human reacts to
certain life stresses or trauma in the
most craziest of manner and they will
express it in the most fearful of manner
and how are you going to be there for
that is love that is acceptance and at
that point there’s no need to understand
when you can accept them in their fear
that to me is also schizophrenia because
my madness accepts your madness
whatever that madness maybe you don’t
even need to talk about it it’s a matter
of communication perhaps you understand
schizophrenia because I’m communicating
it in English but tomorrow there might
be somebody else who has schizophrenia
who doesn’t speak English and doesn’t
speak perhaps just doesn’t speak and the
question is how are you going to listen
to this person could you be Jake could
you be an adult and that’s what I
learned from Jake because when we are
growing up people tell us to chase our
dreams well is my parents dead but they
also told me to chase their dreams how
unfortunate but they tell us to chase
our dreams and then I asked a friend I
actually asked a real friend ok no
kidding she’s real I asked her so you
know what happens when the characters in
your dream state come alive and she said
well your dreams come true I said good
you just answered my schizophrenia and
what it means my dreams come true the
only difference between me and the
outside world is I dream with my eyes
open when you dream when you’re sleeping
you’re only dreaming with your eyes
closed for me my characters and my dream
has come out I’m a wolf that house or
I’m the same imaginary friend just
listen to the other person over here and
you’re good to go for the rest of your
life because it’s really the main
question how will you accept
you somebody else’s madness thank you
women are really players they have their
exits and they have the entrances and
one man in his time has many parts so
said William Shakespeare but what
happens when a schizophrenic has a
conversation with Shakespeare you get me
and Who am I
I’m the merchant of madness I’m here to
sell you madness I even have a license
for it it was given to me in 2002 just
before my 22nd birthday I know I look
very young I told the most immortal they
call me crazy why it was given to me in
the forum or for a hospital discharge
card here you go you’re paranoid
schizophrenia what hell is that now my
father being a scientist couldn’t even
pronounce schizophrenia he’s big I’ve
never heard of this one let me check my
books why I was presented to me in a
form of a card and I realize my entire
world just collapsed but I’m not going
to tell you that story you know it’s
it’s it’s not really relevant from you
today we’re gonna fast hold and take
your head because you also have an
adjective called schizophrenic and
schizophrenic means I’m only a label and
I’m not a person anymore so I did
something to this disorder psychiatrists
call it the most debilitating human mind
or brain condition in the world it’s the
father of all disorders wonderful I have
depression anxiety dissociative D
personalizations
hallucinations divisions persecutions
delusions of grandeur Oz name it and I
have that disorder I have a disorder for
every single day of my life in every
single hour and it’s called a mental
illness and I consider that a problem we
in two hundred years of this mental
illness existing in this world there are
no known recovered cases of people with
schizophrenia I wonder why I really
wonder why so in my condition of having
these kids afraid yeah I was just told
that you’ll be given medications for the
rest of your life this is what it is
because I don’t know the doctor says we
don’t know whether you recover there’s
absolutely no hope absolutely no cure
you’ll just have to take it and we just
gotta wait and see fast forward a little
bit but a friend came along very
recently actually and I’m going to tell
you about my friend a very special
friend I met him early this year but I
also lost him pretty recently his name
is Jake and he taught me a lot of things
about life and I think everybody should
also hear so I’m actually talking on
behalf of Jake and and Jake gave me the
most magical moments in my life I could
tell him stuff that I couldn’t tell
anybody and he would know about it
I didn’t have to speak I didn’t have to
use English or Hindi or Marathi or or
some other language on this earth these
are to communicate to Jake he simply
knew and it’s a very different concept
than understanding Jake just accepted me
for who I am Jake taught me stuff about
the spiritual he taught me how to how he
taught me how to eat my food in the most
aware alert space under a tree he taught
me about birds he taught me about
hugging trees he taught me about love he
taught me what kindness he taught me
about imagination he taught me about the
power of imagination and the
possibilities that exist and the things
that you can do with it but I kinda lost
Jake and he went into a different realm
I would say he says he told me that when
people cross over to the other side the
rainbows move and I said wow that’s
really beautiful and profound but I had
to learn what it meant now like Jake I
had many other friends like him I had a
friend
Kylee she was eight years old and I also
lost her and she taught me a lot of
other stuff before Kylie I had a friend
by the name of Stephen and I had Stephen
when I was when I was a kid bet not a
kid now right when I was a kid at this
age but I didn’t know who Stephen was
and I never really paid attention to
what he had to teach me now the trouble
with the difference between Stephen and
Jake is with Jake I can tell you about
him
because now you’re listening to me and I
have to always remind people you do not
but probably not schizophrenia if you
look at me like this it’s whew but then
I get a used TEDx as a rescues for you
looking at me and me feeling paranoid
but unlike Jake that I can talk about
right I couldn’t talk about Stephen in
the same way because I didn’t have the
right tools I didn’t have the same
strategy to sell it to you and I didn’t
look so well the problem of
schizophrenia was when I actually
started telling people about Stephen you
see Stephen Kiley and Jake have
something in common that none of you
know about you guys can’t see them only
I can see them and they’ve been with me
for a very very long time in my life
and they go and they come but they
taught me something about schizophrenia
that nobody will there would be a group
of people who call it a debilitating
mental illness and offer me no cure
there would be a group of other people
who’ll offer me no hope and a group of
men who we call men of God who hear
voices and see things and they consider
it a gift but when someone like me hears
voices and see things it’s called a
mental illness the difference between me
and a man of God is everybody worships
him the difference between me is when I
have an imaginary friend you call it a
delusion and society has an imaginary
friend it’s called religion right we
live in that society
[Applause]
and I didn’t say that coats okay I stole
that quote from somebody else with
schizophrenia obviously we just borrow
it from the universal consciousness it’s
called
I hear voices for a living I don’t get
paid for it I also hear voices because
some of them are sexy so you can call me
up I’ll tell you whether you’re sexy or
not but I also hear voices because I’m a
good listener and I don’t know how many
people really listen because all Jake
did was listen now another thing about
Jake he’s four years old how do you how
do you think I even spoke to Jake he
wouldn’t understand English he would
announce in the words that using English
because he just heard from here not the
mic my heart he just heard from here and
he said if only people heard each other
from here that’s where healing starts
and that’s where all the ideas that we
want to have come true that’s where it
comes from our imaginations and our
suffering and all of it we might think
it’s over here
but it’s really linked up over here if
you think cancer is an illness if you
think heart attack isn’t in this
everything diabetes is an illness if you
think schizophrenia anxiety depression
go on naming it and I’m going to say
okay fine it’s an illness at some level
for you for me I look at it differently
because I look at the fact that when we
go back home there’s one thing we look
for we look to feel belonged in this
world no matter what we do no matter
what we sell no matter what we talk
about we look to feel belonged and if
you don’t feel belonged you’re going to
feel mad because somebody else is
deciding that madness for you somebody
else is deciding what is normal and what
is abnormal in fact that’s the only time
when you open a book on psychology the
word is actually used that’s normal and
that’s abnormal so I’m abnormal you see
in a crowd of hundred people I’m the
only schizophrenic so I’m abnormal but
if I take you all to an asylum you 2,000
schizophrenic you’re all mad
madness is relative it’s a matter of
perspective people ask me who I am again
and I say I’m an alien from a different
planets now you like me because of the
way I look you listen to me also because
I’m not standing on the stage you have
no other choice but to listen to me but
20 years back nobody wanted to listen to
me all these side effects you know with
saliva drooling out of my mouth
30 kgs you know overweight I couldn’t
speak a word I lost my ability to count
nobody wanted to listen to the
schizophrenic for some very strange
reason people scare fear the
schizophrenic more than the rapist of
the neck or the creep next door and I
really think it’s range I ask myself wow
that’s pretty strange I’ve not raped any
of you
I’m not even molested any of you but
Jake taught me something important he
said that understanding someone it’s not
about talking to them people are a bit
confused
the minute we become adults we lose it
all because our ego comes in and a four
year old like Jake tells me that I don’t
need to understand you you don’t need to
tell me your problems for me to
understand you as long as I accept you
period I don’t have to make the effort
to understand you
the thing with fear the thing with Jake
the thing with all my imaginary friends
is it can be pretty annoying we have the
most horrible yet profound conversations
on earth and it comes with an element of
fear because it’s not easy of course
it’s not easy being schizophrenic in a
world that is already mad you know why
because people like the schizophrenic
will give you guys something to think of
schizophrenics make the community feel
better about themselves because there’s
somebody else to blame the madness for
right a bunch of people sitting in the
set inside asylums who don’t see the day
of lights they lost in there for hours
for lights of the entire life section
for some strange reason our families
lock us up and hide us inside our walls
I don’t know why but you don’t hide the
rapist inside a wall it’s all because
everybody’s prone to the same condition
everybody’s prone to the same suffering
that I’m prone to whether it’s
schizophrenia bipolar disorder epilepsy
you name
each and every one of us is suffering
inside of here and won’t find a it just
burst open and your mind starts running
loose and I think schizophrenia is a
gift for me because it freed my mind up
it freed my mind up from this stupid
constructions that the world around me
placed it freed my mind up for this
preconceived notions I had about myself
and about love and about everything else
that I learned it made me unlearn a lot
of things because I had no choice and
it’s a wonderful thing sometimes it’s a
wonderful thing when you are thrown into
that position she had the choice you
just have to listen to all the voices in
your head well Lord Ganesha does that no
but you know Lord Ganesha you don’t have
the elephant head okay all I had to do
was get an elephant head and get a bunch
I don’t want that I like the way I look
when people ask me what is schizophrenia
I just tell them it’s uncertainty
schizophrenia is this uncertainty living
inside of you
all throughout your life every single
day I don’t know what I’m saying on
stage until I walk up I never know my
rehearsal was something else what I’m
speaking is something else and what I’m
gonna walk out with I’m going to be
someone else because when I met a
quantum physicist and she asked me where
you from I said I’m an alien from a
different planet she’s like oh tell me
more I wouldn’t know more about your
planet I’m a quantum physicist you need
only a quantum physicist he’ll tell me
that because in her studies she tells me
that there’s something known as dark
energy and dark matter and the human
world as we know it or the or the
universe as we know it is just 5% of
what we know and there’s an entire other
percentage that you can count that we
don’t know that’s the amount of
uncertainty that we don’t have in our
lives and that to me is also
schizophrenia but we’re so driven with
this fact that can be point it can be
proven what is this that you’re having
and schizophrenia is never going to
leave me you will never find a cure for
it maybe you’ll find a way to live with
it through medications and other forms
of treatment but I started asking myself
why not first I asked why me why put me
in this
that I need to have like the most
craziest mental illness on earth where
society marginalizes stigmatizes removes
all our rights locks as away rejects us
at so many levels
why me then I said why not me I’ve been
given a job to do people asked me who I
am I say well let’s see I mean not just
my rights have a protagonist I’m a
speaker I’m a part-time professor I’m a
part-time lover I’m a full-time child
I’m a full-time I don’t know so many
things right I can be many things but
there’s just one thing I know that I
came into this universe with and I came
as an alien because I came in as an
alien when schizophrenia hit me and
decided to sort of empty my mind
completely remove it all
almost like an entire mind brain detox
people pay a lot for a person I you know
I did it and I got it free I really got
it free hallucinations forget me milta
everybody has to do drugs for it I get
it free but why am i in a lien again and
I’m not the only one who calls myself an
alien in fact I know a lot of people’s
having schizophrenia and other forms of
mental illness we all refer to ourselves
as alien because we live in this world
that makes us feel very alien very
alienated for who we are we don’t belong
anywhere and then we come to a
conclusion that ok fine I will not
belong anywhere but that’s not true
because we all want to feel belong then
you all want to fit in somewhere my
question is who then is mad we’re all
chasing these dreams and we’re all
chasing all kinds of things in this
world but yeah we want to fit in
somewhere and we want to belong
somewhere is it with someone or is it
with something I don’t know anymore
what is this place that we call home and
Jake told me home is really what love is
but humans don’t know how to love they
come with a series of expectations a
series of notions a series of a lot of
different things and what I also learned
from Jake is what I learn from an
imaginary friend that I’m telling you
about is
the best way to really accept someone is
to simply be there when they
experiencing a reaction that you don’t
understand and every human reacts to
certain life stresses or trauma in the
most craziest of manner and they will
express it in the most fearful of manner
and how are you going to be there for
that is love that is acceptance and at
that point there’s no need to understand
when you can accept them in their fear
that to me is also schizophrenia because
my madness accepts your madness
whatever that madness maybe you don’t
even need to talk about it it’s a matter
of communication perhaps you understand
schizophrenia because I’m communicating
it in English but tomorrow there might
be somebody else who has schizophrenia
who doesn’t speak English and doesn’t
speak perhaps just doesn’t speak and the
question is how are you going to listen
to this person could you be Jake could
you be an adult and that’s what I
learned from Jake because when we are
growing up people tell us to chase our
dreams well is my parents dead but they
also told me to chase their dreams how
unfortunate but they tell us to chase
our dreams and then I asked a friend I
actually asked a real friend ok no
kidding she’s real I asked her so you
know what happens when the characters in
your dream state come alive and she said
well your dreams come true I said good
you just answered my schizophrenia and
what it means my dreams come true the
only difference between me and the
outside world is I dream with my eyes
open when you dream when you’re sleeping
you’re only dreaming with your eyes
closed for me my characters and my dream
has come out I’m a wolf that house or
I’m the same imaginary friend just
listen to the other person over here and
you’re good to go for the rest of your
life because it’s really the main
question how will you accept
you somebody else’s madness thank you
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