[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
good morning everyone it’s nice to meet
good morning everyone it’s nice to meet you this way whenever people meet me
you this way whenever people meet me
you this way whenever people meet me they usually ask me who are you
they usually ask me who are you
they usually ask me who are you and it’s I always have trouble answering
and it’s I always have trouble answering
and it’s I always have trouble answering because ethnical I Matata but I grew up
because ethnical I Matata but I grew up
because ethnical I Matata but I grew up in Kyrgyzstan speaking Russian to my
in Kyrgyzstan speaking Russian to my
in Kyrgyzstan speaking Russian to my friends and family and I lived and work
friends and family and I lived and work
friends and family and I lived and work in seven different countries now I’m
in seven different countries now I’m
in seven different countries now I’m married to a Turk and we speak a mixture
married to a Turk and we speak a mixture
married to a Turk and we speak a mixture of Russian English and Turkish to each
of Russian English and Turkish to each
of Russian English and Turkish to each other so and I always wondered why does
other so and I always wondered why does
other so and I always wondered why does my story have to be so complicated you
my story have to be so complicated you
my story have to be so complicated you know and for many years I was I was just
know and for many years I was I was just
know and for many years I was I was just I couldn’t I couldn’t understand up
I couldn’t I couldn’t understand up
I couldn’t I couldn’t understand up until I analyzed my favorite fairy tale
until I analyzed my favorite fairy tale
until I analyzed my favorite fairy tale and that is Thumbelina in Russian it’s
and that is Thumbelina in Russian it’s
and that is Thumbelina in Russian it’s called Duma vodka and it’s about a
called Duma vodka and it’s about a
called Duma vodka and it’s about a little girl which is the size of a thumb
little girl which is the size of a thumb
little girl which is the size of a thumb who was stolen by a frog and then she
who was stolen by a frog and then she
who was stolen by a frog and then she gets to travel doesn’t get to travel but
gets to travel doesn’t get to travel but
gets to travel doesn’t get to travel but she has to travel all over the places in
she has to travel all over the places in
she has to travel all over the places in order to run away from creatures which
order to run away from creatures which
order to run away from creatures which were trying to take her somehow or she
were trying to take her somehow or she
were trying to take her somehow or she was not finding love where she wanted
was not finding love where she wanted
was not finding love where she wanted and at the end of the day she meets the
and at the end of the day she meets the
and at the end of the day she meets the prince and they live happily ever after
prince and they live happily ever after
prince and they live happily ever after in my case for ten years I repeated the
in my case for ten years I repeated the
in my case for ten years I repeated the same story of Thumbelina except for I
same story of Thumbelina except for I
same story of Thumbelina except for I couldn’t find my prince I was searching
couldn’t find my prince I was searching
couldn’t find my prince I was searching it all over the places in all kinds of
it all over the places in all kinds of
it all over the places in all kinds of countries in all kinds of cities and I
countries in all kinds of cities and I
countries in all kinds of cities and I was so desperate I thought that’s what I
was so desperate I thought that’s what I
was so desperate I thought that’s what I should do isn’t that what women are
should do isn’t that what women are
should do isn’t that what women are supposed to do yeah talking about
supposed to do yeah talking about
supposed to do yeah talking about feminism her here that’s what we’ve been
feminism her here that’s what we’ve been
feminism her here that’s what we’ve been programmed to do with our fairy tales
programmed to do with our fairy tales
programmed to do with our fairy tales and most of them are teaching us that we
and most of them are teaching us that we
and most of them are teaching us that we should find some kind of a prince that
should find some kind of a prince that
should find some kind of a prince that was so Hall problem and I really
was so Hall problem and I really
was so Hall problem and I really believed in it I really believe that
believed in it I really believe that
believed in it I really believe that Eman if I’m unhappy right now then all I
Eman if I’m unhappy right now then all I
Eman if I’m unhappy right now then all I need to do is to find somebody who will
need to do is to find somebody who will
need to do is to find somebody who will love me and then I’ll be happily and
love me and then I’ll be happily and
love me and then I’ll be happily and will live happily ever after
will live happily ever after
will live happily ever after so what I did is I like I said I
so what I did is I like I said I
so what I did is I like I said I traveled in different
traveled in different
traveled in different places partially because of my curiosity
places partially because of my curiosity
places partially because of my curiosity and secondly because I was searching for
and secondly because I was searching for
and secondly because I was searching for love in different places but the result
love in different places but the result
love in different places but the result was always the same I was rejected and I
was always the same I was rejected and I
was always the same I was rejected and I was it was either rejection from the
was it was either rejection from the
was it was either rejection from the beginning people didn’t even want to
beginning people didn’t even want to
beginning people didn’t even want to enter into relationship with me or they
enter into relationship with me or they
enter into relationship with me or they would break up with me shortly very
would break up with me shortly very
would break up with me shortly very shortly after or I would go into
shortly after or I would go into
shortly after or I would go into relationship with people that I didn’t
relationship with people that I didn’t
relationship with people that I didn’t like and then I would it didn’t work
like and then I would it didn’t work
like and then I would it didn’t work either but on the top of all that I was
either but on the top of all that I was
either but on the top of all that I was fired during this 10 years I was fired
fired during this 10 years I was fired
fired during this 10 years I was fired from 80 percent of the places where I
from 80 percent of the places where I
from 80 percent of the places where I worked so yeah I had this double
worked so yeah I had this double
worked so yeah I had this double rejection and my personal record is
rejection and my personal record is
rejection and my personal record is summer of 2008 when I went to Cyprus for
summer of 2008 when I went to Cyprus for
summer of 2008 when I went to Cyprus for work but it was not I mean mostly I was
work but it was not I mean mostly I was
work but it was not I mean mostly I was not working because I was fired from
not working because I was fired from
not working because I was fired from five places in a row in just two months
five places in a row in just two months
five places in a row in just two months how cool was that and yeah and at the
how cool was that and yeah and at the
how cool was that and yeah and at the top of that I was recovering from a
top of that I was recovering from a
top of that I was recovering from a short relationship with a man who
short relationship with a man who
short relationship with a man who cheated on me and being it sure didn’t
cheated on me and being it sure didn’t
cheated on me and being it sure didn’t make it any easier every time I felt
make it any easier every time I felt
make it any easier every time I felt hurt and every time I was looking for
hurt and every time I was looking for
hurt and every time I was looking for the answer like what did I do wrong what
the answer like what did I do wrong what
the answer like what did I do wrong what is wrong about me you know the recent
is wrong about me you know the recent
is wrong about me you know the recent MRI research shows that when we feel
MRI research shows that when we feel
MRI research shows that when we feel rejected is the same areas of our brain
rejected is the same areas of our brain
rejected is the same areas of our brain get activated as the ones when we feel
get activated as the ones when we feel
get activated as the ones when we feel physical pain so our brain interprets
physical pain so our brain interprets
physical pain so our brain interprets rejection
rejection
rejection okay and no one producing supper and the
okay and no one producing supper and the
okay and no one producing supper and the one who leaves all this drugs alcohol
one who leaves all this drugs alcohol
one who leaves all this drugs alcohol and smoking and cigarettes and someone
and smoking and cigarettes and someone
and smoking and cigarettes and someone to get rid there’s a smoke right now to
to get rid there’s a smoke right now to
to get rid there’s a smoke right now to get rid of this hurting feeling and the
get rid of this hurting feeling and the
get rid of this hurting feeling and the more I got rejected the more I was
more I got rejected the more I was
more I got rejected the more I was afraid to receive it and the more I was
afraid to receive it and the more I was
afraid to receive it and the more I was receiving it because I had one problem
receiving it because I had one problem
receiving it because I had one problem the problem was that I was trying to
the problem was that I was trying to
the problem was that I was trying to find the Krenz right and I didn’t meet
find the Krenz right and I didn’t meet
find the Krenz right and I didn’t meet you and then I realized I don’t need a
you and then I realized I don’t need a
you and then I realized I don’t need a crib I need a chair yeah let me tell you
crib I need a chair yeah let me tell you
crib I need a chair yeah let me tell you what I mean you know this is a musical
what I mean you know this is a musical
what I mean you know this is a musical chair game that you played as children
chair game that you played as children
chair game that you played as children yeah so it’s basically the number of
yeah so it’s basically the number of
yeah so it’s basically the number of participants exceeds the number of
participants exceeds the number of
participants exceeds the number of chairs by one so if there are five
chairs by one so if there are five
chairs by one so if there are five people than there are four chairs and
people than there are four chairs and
people than there are four chairs and during the music they’re running around
during the music they’re running around
during the music they’re running around and then the music stops they have to
and then the music stops they have to
and then the music stops they have to sit down and the person without damage
sit down and the person without damage
sit down and the person without damage here then leaves the game so in
here then leaves the game so in
here then leaves the game so in classical gaming of relationships there
classical gaming of relationships there
classical gaming of relationships there are two people running around one chair
are two people running around one chair
are two people running around one chair June when the music is playing all right
June when the music is playing all right
June when the music is playing all right and when the music stops and that
and when the music stops and that
and when the music stops and that represents for me this romantic
represents for me this romantic
represents for me this romantic romanticism moment it which lasts around
romanticism moment it which lasts around
romanticism moment it which lasts around three months when we are so excited to
three months when we are so excited to
three months when we are so excited to see chat via so more when we’re so
see chat via so more when we’re so
see chat via so more when we’re so excited to to be with each other we
excited to to be with each other we
excited to to be with each other we don’t sleep at night we write points to
don’t sleep at night we write points to
don’t sleep at night we write points to each other or we tweet about it I don’t
each other or we tweet about it I don’t
each other or we tweet about it I don’t know what Facebook about it to talking
know what Facebook about it to talking
know what Facebook about it to talking modern terms and then there comes a time
modern terms and then there comes a time
modern terms and then there comes a time when the music stops and this is okay
when the music stops and this is okay
when the music stops and this is okay and then we sit down usually in three
and then we sit down usually in three
and then we sit down usually in three one of the three positions all of which
one of the three positions all of which
one of the three positions all of which are uncomfortable just check it out
are uncomfortable just check it out
are uncomfortable just check it out so it’s either we sit with half of our
so it’s either we sit with half of our
so it’s either we sit with half of our butts and we’re about to fall down right
butts and we’re about to fall down right
butts and we’re about to fall down right and that’s what I was doing as well by
and that’s what I was doing as well by
and that’s what I was doing as well by the way yeah I saw men with chairs and
the way yeah I saw men with chairs and
the way yeah I saw men with chairs and what I tried to do is to get their chair
what I tried to do is to get their chair
what I tried to do is to get their chair so after a while yeah
so after a while yeah
so after a while yeah we were so that’s the first thing first
we were so that’s the first thing first
we were so that’s the first thing first um that’s the first option if we’re
um that’s the first option if we’re
um that’s the first option if we’re sitting with half of our butts and then
sitting with half of our butts and then
sitting with half of our butts and then you know there is no space for love here
you know there is no space for love here
you know there is no space for love here a lot as you see there is no space for
a lot as you see there is no space for
a lot as you see there is no space for interacting and for a little listening
interacting and for a little listening
interacting and for a little listening to each other but it’s more about
to each other but it’s more about
to each other but it’s more about fighting who’s going to get the seed the
fighting who’s going to get the seed the
fighting who’s going to get the seed the second option if I’m sitting and the
second option if I’m sitting and the
second option if I’m sitting and the other person is standing or vice versa
other person is standing or vice versa
other person is standing or vice versa he’s sitting and I’m standing and that
he’s sitting and I’m standing and that
he’s sitting and I’m standing and that also doesn’t work for a long time it
also doesn’t work for a long time it
also doesn’t work for a long time it works in a short time and that’s why you
works in a short time and that’s why you
works in a short time and that’s why you know most of relationships they had
know most of relationships they had
know most of relationships they had people get separated before they even
people get separated before they even
people get separated before they even get married because of the chair issue
get married because of the chair issue
get married because of the chair issue and then the third option which many
and then the third option which many
and then the third option which many people find romantic when I do it at my
people find romantic when I do it at my
people find romantic when I do it at my trainings is that oh they say I can sit
trainings is that oh they say I can sit
trainings is that oh they say I can sit on his lap you know and yeah but for how
on his lap you know and yeah but for how
on his lap you know and yeah but for how long can he hold you on his laps
long can he hold you on his laps
long can he hold you on his laps yeah like it is romantic in the
yeah like it is romantic in the
yeah like it is romantic in the beginning like I said but after a while
beginning like I said but after a while
beginning like I said but after a while every person gets tired and then he will
every person gets tired and then he will
every person gets tired and then he will ask to sit on your laps
ask to sit on your laps
ask to sit on your laps do you agree you know and so this is how
do you agree you know and so this is how
do you agree you know and so this is how children are playing the game and
children are playing the game and
children are playing the game and unfortunately this is how we play even
unfortunately this is how we play even
unfortunately this is how we play even as being adults we think that we grow up
as being adults we think that we grow up
as being adults we think that we grow up but we don’t so the chair represents
but we don’t so the chair represents
but we don’t so the chair represents maturity maturity that’s why people are
maturity maturity that’s why people are
maturity maturity that’s why people are suffering in the relationship because
suffering in the relationship because
suffering in the relationship because they don’t bring yeah here’s my term
they don’t bring yeah here’s my term
they don’t bring yeah here’s my term that I recently invented it’s maturity
that I recently invented it’s maturity
that I recently invented it’s maturity if you have if you have maturity with
if you have if you have maturity with
if you have if you have maturity with you you’re much more likely to enjoy
you you’re much more likely to enjoy
you you’re much more likely to enjoy this relationship even though there are
this relationship even though there are
this relationship even though there are never guarantees right so but I mean I
never guarantees right so but I mean I
never guarantees right so but I mean I realize it I was so fascinated like yeah
realize it I was so fascinated like yeah
realize it I was so fascinated like yeah I got a bit mature and I started and
I got a bit mature and I started and
I got a bit mature and I started and finally finally for the first time I
finally finally for the first time I
finally finally for the first time I wasn’t fired from my works yeah and I
wasn’t fired from my works yeah and I
wasn’t fired from my works yeah and I was enjoying the work with and I was
was enjoying the work with and I was
was enjoying the work with and I was choosing the places that I want to work
choosing the places that I want to work
choosing the places that I want to work at I resolved my health issues I quit
at I resolved my health issues I quit
at I resolved my health issues I quit smoking it was very easy even though for
smoking it was very easy even though for
smoking it was very easy even though for five years I’ve been struggling with it
five years I’ve been struggling with it
five years I’ve been struggling with it because mature people don’t hurt
because mature people don’t hurt
because mature people don’t hurt themselves intentionally
themselves intentionally
themselves intentionally that’s some news for those of you still
that’s some news for those of you still
that’s some news for those of you still smoke and and then I also got to see
smoke and and then I also got to see
smoke and and then I also got to see that now I I have more friends and a
that now I I have more friends and a
that now I I have more friends and a much more outgoing and people want to
much more outgoing and people want to
much more outgoing and people want to have business with me and that was
have business with me and that was
have business with me and that was exciting and as a bonus I met my husband
exciting and as a bonus I met my husband
exciting and as a bonus I met my husband who also had a chair
it’s heavy yeah so you see here we are
it’s heavy yeah so you see here we are both of us to us right but we interact
both of us to us right but we interact
both of us to us right but we interact on a completely different level first we
on a completely different level first we
on a completely different level first we were friends because we didn’t need each
were friends because we didn’t need each
were friends because we didn’t need each other
other
other we were just interacting we were talking
we were just interacting we were talking
we were just interacting we were talking were laughing and then it naturally
were laughing and then it naturally
were laughing and then it naturally somehow got into romantic relationship
somehow got into romantic relationship
somehow got into romantic relationship and then we travel together and lived
and then we travel together and lived
and then we travel together and lived happily ever after right wrong that’s
happily ever after right wrong that’s
happily ever after right wrong that’s that’s what the fairytales are saying
that’s what the fairytales are saying
that’s what the fairytales are saying that all you have to do is just a matter
that all you have to do is just a matter
that all you have to do is just a matter of finding this right person if we
of finding this right person if we
of finding this right person if we chanced if you translate it to today’s
chanced if you translate it to today’s
chanced if you translate it to today’s speech you just have to you know
speech you just have to you know
speech you just have to you know construct your own chair find the person
construct your own chair find the person
construct your own chair find the person with the perfect chair and then you’ve
with the perfect chair and then you’ve
with the perfect chair and then you’ve got all of it going automatically and
got all of it going automatically and
got all of it going automatically and that’s what I also thought now that I
that’s what I also thought now that I
that’s what I also thought now that I have the coolest chair ever well for me
have the coolest chair ever well for me
have the coolest chair ever well for me it was back then I thought like you know
it was back then I thought like you know
it was back then I thought like you know I have such I’m such an amazing person
I have such I’m such an amazing person
I have such I’m such an amazing person with an amazing care so yeah now we have
with an amazing care so yeah now we have
with an amazing care so yeah now we have it all going but it was it after a while
it all going but it was it after a while
it all going but it was it after a while after several months I started to notice
after several months I started to notice
after several months I started to notice that I get irritated by my husband well
that I get irritated by my husband well
that I get irritated by my husband well back then he was my boyfriend then I get
back then he was my boyfriend then I get
back then he was my boyfriend then I get irritated by him more and more and more
irritated by him more and more and more
irritated by him more and more and more and I couldn’t help it and we were
and I couldn’t help it and we were
and I couldn’t help it and we were having fights even though we were
having fights even though we were
having fights even though we were sitting I mean imagine if we did if if
sitting I mean imagine if we did if if
sitting I mean imagine if we did if if we had just one chair how terrible it
we had just one chair how terrible it
we had just one chair how terrible it would be but even though we were sitting
would be but even though we were sitting
would be but even though we were sitting on our own chairs we couldn’t make it we
on our own chairs we couldn’t make it we
on our own chairs we couldn’t make it we I couldn’t make it personally so I had
I couldn’t make it personally so I had
I couldn’t make it personally so I had to leave I left relationship I’d moved
to leave I left relationship I’d moved
to leave I left relationship I’d moved out and I wanted to spend some time by
out and I wanted to spend some time by
out and I wanted to spend some time by myself to think what is wrong with this
myself to think what is wrong with this
myself to think what is wrong with this because it seems like it’s a perfect
because it seems like it’s a perfect
because it seems like it’s a perfect solution and what I found after
solution and what I found after
solution and what I found after attending courses and family counseling
attending courses and family counseling
attending courses and family counseling and attending and reading more books
and attending and reading more books
and attending and reading more books again and counseling the more doing more
again and counseling the more doing more
again and counseling the more doing more trainings I realized that my chair is
trainings I realized that my chair is
trainings I realized that my chair is underdeveloped that’s that’s how it
underdeveloped that’s that’s how it
underdeveloped that’s that’s how it works
works
works you don’t construct it once and then
you don’t construct it once and then
you don’t construct it once and then just leave it out only in relationship
just leave it out only in relationship
just leave it out only in relationship can you grow there is no
can you grow there is no
can you grow there is no others fear where you can grow as much
others fear where you can grow as much
others fear where you can grow as much as in relationship it teaches you so
as in relationship it teaches you so
as in relationship it teaches you so many things about you that you didn’t
many things about you that you didn’t
many things about you that you didn’t know and when I checked it when I make
know and when I checked it when I make
know and when I checked it when I make the reality check it turned out that my
the reality check it turned out that my
the reality check it turned out that my spiritual maturity was really really
spiritual maturity was really really
spiritual maturity was really really underdeveloped and what I mean by
underdeveloped and what I mean by
underdeveloped and what I mean by spiritual maturity is the ability to
spiritual maturity is the ability to
spiritual maturity is the ability to love person for what he is it’s the type
love person for what he is it’s the type
love person for what he is it’s the type of love that we receive from higher
of love that we receive from higher
of love that we receive from higher forces somebody calls it universe God
forces somebody calls it universe God
forces somebody calls it universe God Allah Buddha Jesus doesn’t matter is the
Allah Buddha Jesus doesn’t matter is the
Allah Buddha Jesus doesn’t matter is the hardest love ever to love somebody
hardest love ever to love somebody
hardest love ever to love somebody especially in marriage you know when you
especially in marriage you know when you
especially in marriage you know when you own when you know all the flaws all the
own when you know all the flaws all the
own when you know all the flaws all the terrible terrible habits that this
terrible terrible habits that this
terrible terrible habits that this person is doing you know and I’m not
person is doing you know and I’m not
person is doing you know and I’m not even talking about the socks all over
even talking about the socks all over
even talking about the socks all over the apartment I mean it’s just that it’s
the apartment I mean it’s just that it’s
the apartment I mean it’s just that it’s just the tip of the iceberg because when
just the tip of the iceberg because when
just the tip of the iceberg because when you really interact when you really
you really interact when you really
you really interact when you really connect you get to see the person’s
connect you get to see the person’s
connect you get to see the person’s so-called flaws and it’s it’s becoming a
so-called flaws and it’s it’s becoming a
so-called flaws and it’s it’s becoming a bigger and bigger and bigger challenge
bigger and bigger and bigger challenge
bigger and bigger and bigger challenge to really love and accept
to really love and accept
to really love and accept unconditionally the person for who he is
unconditionally the person for who he is
unconditionally the person for who he is and what I found I came up with an
and what I found I came up with an
and what I found I came up with an exercise that I can share with you and
exercise that I can share with you and
exercise that I can share with you and that worked for me
that worked for me
that worked for me so if you and the good thing about it is
so if you and the good thing about it is
so if you and the good thing about it is called the chair again the more you
called the chair again the more you
called the chair again the more you develop your chair the more you’re able
develop your chair the more you’re able
develop your chair the more you’re able to understand yourself and in that
to understand yourself and in that
to understand yourself and in that understand others so if you’re here in
understand others so if you’re here in
understand others so if you’re here in the in the hole good news you get it
the in the hole good news you get it
the in the hole good news you get it we’ve got it under you if you’re
we’ve got it under you if you’re
we’ve got it under you if you’re watching this event from face book life
watching this event from face book life
watching this event from face book life please take a sit right now the good
please take a sit right now the good
please take a sit right now the good thing you can always find a chair and
thing you can always find a chair and
thing you can always find a chair and for about twenty seconds please close
for about twenty seconds please close
for about twenty seconds please close your eyes and remember situation where
your eyes and remember situation where
your eyes and remember situation where you had an argument with someone or you
you had an argument with someone or you
you had an argument with someone or you were really angry doesn’t have to be big
were really angry doesn’t have to be big
were really angry doesn’t have to be big or small but think of a conflict that
or small but think of a conflict that
or small but think of a conflict that you had with someone remember what you
you had with someone remember what you
you had with someone remember what you said to this person what this person
said to this person what this person
said to this person what this person replied now get up please
replied now get up please
replied now get up please get up get up get up
thank you and sit down imagining that
thank you and sit down imagining that you are that person now you’re not you
you are that person now you’re not you
you are that person now you’re not you anymore but the person you had a fight
anymore but the person you had a fight
anymore but the person you had a fight with now close your eyes again and see
with now close your eyes again and see
with now close your eyes again and see the situation from this person’s eyes
how does this person feel why did he do
how does this person feel why did he do what he do
in my case yesterday I had a big fight
in my case yesterday I had a big fight with my son he’s one year old yeah you
with my son he’s one year old yeah you
with my son he’s one year old yeah you got all this fight and you’re trying to
got all this fight and you’re trying to
got all this fight and you’re trying to explain and you just you know that’s
explain and you just you know that’s
explain and you just you know that’s that the biggest the biggest place for
that the biggest the biggest place for
that the biggest the biggest place for me right now to grow because you try to
me right now to grow because you try to
me right now to grow because you try to explain and he’s like nah he just wants
explain and he’s like nah he just wants
explain and he’s like nah he just wants it all and so he was crying he was he
it all and so he was crying he was he
it all and so he was crying he was he didn’t get comfort by I was holding him
didn’t get comfort by I was holding him
didn’t get comfort by I was holding him I was playing with the and didn’t work
I was playing with the and didn’t work
I was playing with the and didn’t work he just was crying around and yelling so
he just was crying around and yelling so
he just was crying around and yelling so when I sit on his chair I see that he’s
when I sit on his chair I see that he’s
when I sit on his chair I see that he’s a bit scared I see that he feels
a bit scared I see that he feels
a bit scared I see that he feels insecure in a new place I see that he
insecure in a new place I see that he
insecure in a new place I see that he needs my comfort and I see that he loves
needs my comfort and I see that he loves
needs my comfort and I see that he loves me and that’s good enough for me to stop
me and that’s good enough for me to stop
me and that’s good enough for me to stop this argument with him and that’s how it
this argument with him and that’s how it
this argument with him and that’s how it works with relationship with other
works with relationship with other
works with relationship with other people the good thing you know they say
people the good thing you know they say
people the good thing you know they say like to the other person’s walk other in
like to the other person’s walk other in
like to the other person’s walk other in other person’s shoes I tried the shoes
other person’s shoes I tried the shoes
other person’s shoes I tried the shoes first they’re not always my size and
first they’re not always my size and
first they’re not always my size and sometimes they smell so I feel like a
sometimes they smell so I feel like a
sometimes they smell so I feel like a bit not disgusted but not very happy
bit not disgusted but not very happy
bit not disgusted but not very happy let’s say about it so then I found this
let’s say about it so then I found this
let’s say about it so then I found this chair and I realize I can use this chair
chair and I realize I can use this chair
chair and I realize I can use this chair anytime anywhere almost every place has
anytime anywhere almost every place has
anytime anywhere almost every place has a chair and even if I go to mountains or
a chair and even if I go to mountains or
a chair and even if I go to mountains or desert I take the folding chair with me
desert I take the folding chair with me
desert I take the folding chair with me just in case if I hate someone you know
just in case if I hate someone you know
just in case if I hate someone you know if this
if this
if this instrument is always available I can sit
instrument is always available I can sit
instrument is always available I can sit down
down
down even during our fight for example I said
even during our fight for example I said
even during our fight for example I said just wait a minute give me give me a
just wait a minute give me give me a
just wait a minute give me give me a second and I tried to shift the
second and I tried to shift the
second and I tried to shift the attention from me towards the other
attention from me towards the other
attention from me towards the other person and I can guess it wrong and it
person and I can guess it wrong and it
person and I can guess it wrong and it really doesn’t matter because as soon as
really doesn’t matter because as soon as
really doesn’t matter because as soon as I shift the attention and start to see I
I shift the attention and start to see I
I shift the attention and start to see I start to understand this person more
start to understand this person more
start to understand this person more please raise your hand if it helped you
please raise your hand if it helped you
please raise your hand if it helped you to understand the verse we had fight
to understand the verse we had fight
to understand the verse we had fight with wow it’s like most of the people
with wow it’s like most of the people
with wow it’s like most of the people look around yeah
look around yeah
look around yeah please raise your hand is it help you to
please raise your hand is it help you to
please raise your hand is it help you to like this person for the best hands you
like this person for the best hands you
like this person for the best hands you see you don’t need to apply effort to
see you don’t need to apply effort to
see you don’t need to apply effort to like people when you understand them
well and then the lighting turns into
well and then the lighting turns into love when you’re in marriage when you’re
love when you’re in marriage when you’re
love when you’re in marriage when you’re in relationship the same it works to say
in relationship the same it works to say
in relationship the same it works to say the other way I cannot hate anybody when
the other way I cannot hate anybody when
the other way I cannot hate anybody when I understand them and I cannot help but
I understand them and I cannot help but
I understand them and I cannot help but love someone when I fully understand
love someone when I fully understand
love someone when I fully understand what they’re doing is why they’re doing
what they’re doing is why they’re doing
what they’re doing is why they’re doing so I was excited about this exercise and
so I was excited about this exercise and
so I was excited about this exercise and it works for a while
it works for a while
it works for a while and then again we had all this kind of
and then again we had all this kind of
and then again we had all this kind of challenges then I decided to write a
challenges then I decided to write a
challenges then I decided to write a book which is got the art of immature
book which is got the art of immature
book which is got the art of immature love because I personally I was writing
love because I personally I was writing
love because I personally I was writing it for me and whatever you read in the
it for me and whatever you read in the
it for me and whatever you read in the book
book
book submitted it to the publisher and then
submitted it to the publisher and then
submitted it to the publisher and then oh yeah oh yeah this is how I should do
oh yeah oh yeah this is how I should do
oh yeah oh yeah this is how I should do it yeah
it yeah
it yeah instead of winder for myself of how to
instead of winder for myself of how to
instead of winder for myself of how to blow up and it turned out it could be
blow up and it turned out it could be
blow up and it turned out it could be helpful for other people as well so for
helpful for other people as well so for
helpful for other people as well so for me the growing up person the maturity
me the growing up person the maturity
me the growing up person the maturity maturity maturity is something exciting
maturity maturity is something exciting
maturity maturity is something exciting whenever I face a problem in a concept I
whenever I face a problem in a concept I
whenever I face a problem in a concept I perceive it in a different way I don’t
perceive it in a different way I don’t
perceive it in a different way I don’t see my husband as a problem anymore and
see my husband as a problem anymore and
see my husband as a problem anymore and not even his chair I’d start to
not even his chair I’d start to
not even his chair I’d start to understand which part of my chair is
understand which part of my chair is
understand which part of my chair is underdeveloped that I’m having
underdeveloped that I’m having
underdeveloped that I’m having difficulties and I have them and we
difficulties and I have them and we
difficulties and I have them and we fight every single day we have conflicts
fight every single day we have conflicts
fight every single day we have conflicts right now we used to fight now we have
right now we used to fight now we have
right now we used to fight now we have conflicts I’d rather call it this way so
conflicts I’d rather call it this way so
conflicts I’d rather call it this way so I believe this is possible imagine the
I believe this is possible imagine the
I believe this is possible imagine the world where every person would enter
world where every person would enter
world where every person would enter into relationship by being mature by
into relationship by being mature by
into relationship by being mature by being grown-up imagine where people
being grown-up imagine where people
being grown-up imagine where people could touch each other’s lives in the
could touch each other’s lives in the
could touch each other’s lives in the most connected way and where we could
most connected way and where we could
most connected way and where we could have sex in the most connected way and
have sex in the most connected way and
have sex in the most connected way and where children will grow up in loving
where children will grow up in loving
where children will grow up in loving families I believe this world is
families I believe this world is
families I believe this world is possible and I believe it is exciting to
possible and I believe it is exciting to
possible and I believe it is exciting to grow up before and during the
grow up before and during the
grow up before and during the relationship and I wish all of you to
relationship and I wish all of you to
relationship and I wish all of you to become cheer women and chairman of your
become cheer women and chairman of your
become cheer women and chairman of your lives thank you very much
lives thank you very much
lives thank you very much [Applause]
[Music] [Applause]
good morning everyone it’s nice to meet
good morning everyone it’s nice to meet you this way whenever people meet me
you this way whenever people meet me
you this way whenever people meet me they usually ask me who are you
they usually ask me who are you
they usually ask me who are you and it’s I always have trouble answering
and it’s I always have trouble answering
and it’s I always have trouble answering because ethnical I Matata but I grew up
because ethnical I Matata but I grew up
because ethnical I Matata but I grew up in Kyrgyzstan speaking Russian to my
in Kyrgyzstan speaking Russian to my
in Kyrgyzstan speaking Russian to my friends and family and I lived and work
friends and family and I lived and work
friends and family and I lived and work in seven different countries now I’m
in seven different countries now I’m
in seven different countries now I’m married to a Turk and we speak a mixture
married to a Turk and we speak a mixture
married to a Turk and we speak a mixture of Russian English and Turkish to each
of Russian English and Turkish to each
of Russian English and Turkish to each other so and I always wondered why does
other so and I always wondered why does
other so and I always wondered why does my story have to be so complicated you
my story have to be so complicated you
my story have to be so complicated you know and for many years I was I was just
know and for many years I was I was just
know and for many years I was I was just I couldn’t I couldn’t understand up
I couldn’t I couldn’t understand up
I couldn’t I couldn’t understand up until I analyzed my favorite fairy tale
until I analyzed my favorite fairy tale
until I analyzed my favorite fairy tale and that is Thumbelina in Russian it’s
and that is Thumbelina in Russian it’s
and that is Thumbelina in Russian it’s called Duma vodka and it’s about a
called Duma vodka and it’s about a
called Duma vodka and it’s about a little girl which is the size of a thumb
little girl which is the size of a thumb
little girl which is the size of a thumb who was stolen by a frog and then she
who was stolen by a frog and then she
who was stolen by a frog and then she gets to travel doesn’t get to travel but
gets to travel doesn’t get to travel but
gets to travel doesn’t get to travel but she has to travel all over the places in
she has to travel all over the places in
she has to travel all over the places in order to run away from creatures which
order to run away from creatures which
order to run away from creatures which were trying to take her somehow or she
were trying to take her somehow or she
were trying to take her somehow or she was not finding love where she wanted
was not finding love where she wanted
was not finding love where she wanted and at the end of the day she meets the
and at the end of the day she meets the
and at the end of the day she meets the prince and they live happily ever after
prince and they live happily ever after
prince and they live happily ever after in my case for ten years I repeated the
in my case for ten years I repeated the
in my case for ten years I repeated the same story of Thumbelina except for I
same story of Thumbelina except for I
same story of Thumbelina except for I couldn’t find my prince I was searching
couldn’t find my prince I was searching
couldn’t find my prince I was searching it all over the places in all kinds of
it all over the places in all kinds of
it all over the places in all kinds of countries in all kinds of cities and I
countries in all kinds of cities and I
countries in all kinds of cities and I was so desperate I thought that’s what I
was so desperate I thought that’s what I
was so desperate I thought that’s what I should do isn’t that what women are
should do isn’t that what women are
should do isn’t that what women are supposed to do yeah talking about
supposed to do yeah talking about
supposed to do yeah talking about feminism her here that’s what we’ve been
feminism her here that’s what we’ve been
feminism her here that’s what we’ve been programmed to do with our fairy tales
programmed to do with our fairy tales
programmed to do with our fairy tales and most of them are teaching us that we
and most of them are teaching us that we
and most of them are teaching us that we should find some kind of a prince that
should find some kind of a prince that
should find some kind of a prince that was so Hall problem and I really
was so Hall problem and I really
was so Hall problem and I really believed in it I really believe that
believed in it I really believe that
believed in it I really believe that Eman if I’m unhappy right now then all I
Eman if I’m unhappy right now then all I
Eman if I’m unhappy right now then all I need to do is to find somebody who will
need to do is to find somebody who will
need to do is to find somebody who will love me and then I’ll be happily and
love me and then I’ll be happily and
love me and then I’ll be happily and will live happily ever after
will live happily ever after
will live happily ever after so what I did is I like I said I
so what I did is I like I said I
so what I did is I like I said I traveled in different
traveled in different
traveled in different places partially because of my curiosity
places partially because of my curiosity
places partially because of my curiosity and secondly because I was searching for
and secondly because I was searching for
and secondly because I was searching for love in different places but the result
love in different places but the result
love in different places but the result was always the same I was rejected and I
was always the same I was rejected and I
was always the same I was rejected and I was it was either rejection from the
was it was either rejection from the
was it was either rejection from the beginning people didn’t even want to
beginning people didn’t even want to
beginning people didn’t even want to enter into relationship with me or they
enter into relationship with me or they
enter into relationship with me or they would break up with me shortly very
would break up with me shortly very
would break up with me shortly very shortly after or I would go into
shortly after or I would go into
shortly after or I would go into relationship with people that I didn’t
relationship with people that I didn’t
relationship with people that I didn’t like and then I would it didn’t work
like and then I would it didn’t work
like and then I would it didn’t work either but on the top of all that I was
either but on the top of all that I was
either but on the top of all that I was fired during this 10 years I was fired
fired during this 10 years I was fired
fired during this 10 years I was fired from 80 percent of the places where I
from 80 percent of the places where I
from 80 percent of the places where I worked so yeah I had this double
worked so yeah I had this double
worked so yeah I had this double rejection and my personal record is
rejection and my personal record is
rejection and my personal record is summer of 2008 when I went to Cyprus for
summer of 2008 when I went to Cyprus for
summer of 2008 when I went to Cyprus for work but it was not I mean mostly I was
work but it was not I mean mostly I was
work but it was not I mean mostly I was not working because I was fired from
not working because I was fired from
not working because I was fired from five places in a row in just two months
five places in a row in just two months
five places in a row in just two months how cool was that and yeah and at the
how cool was that and yeah and at the
how cool was that and yeah and at the top of that I was recovering from a
top of that I was recovering from a
top of that I was recovering from a short relationship with a man who
short relationship with a man who
short relationship with a man who cheated on me and being it sure didn’t
cheated on me and being it sure didn’t
cheated on me and being it sure didn’t make it any easier every time I felt
make it any easier every time I felt
make it any easier every time I felt hurt and every time I was looking for
hurt and every time I was looking for
hurt and every time I was looking for the answer like what did I do wrong what
the answer like what did I do wrong what
the answer like what did I do wrong what is wrong about me you know the recent
is wrong about me you know the recent
is wrong about me you know the recent MRI research shows that when we feel
MRI research shows that when we feel
MRI research shows that when we feel rejected is the same areas of our brain
rejected is the same areas of our brain
rejected is the same areas of our brain get activated as the ones when we feel
get activated as the ones when we feel
get activated as the ones when we feel physical pain so our brain interprets
physical pain so our brain interprets
physical pain so our brain interprets rejection
rejection
rejection okay and no one producing supper and the
okay and no one producing supper and the
okay and no one producing supper and the one who leaves all this drugs alcohol
one who leaves all this drugs alcohol
one who leaves all this drugs alcohol and smoking and cigarettes and someone
and smoking and cigarettes and someone
and smoking and cigarettes and someone to get rid there’s a smoke right now to
to get rid there’s a smoke right now to
to get rid there’s a smoke right now to get rid of this hurting feeling and the
get rid of this hurting feeling and the
get rid of this hurting feeling and the more I got rejected the more I was
more I got rejected the more I was
more I got rejected the more I was afraid to receive it and the more I was
afraid to receive it and the more I was
afraid to receive it and the more I was receiving it because I had one problem
receiving it because I had one problem
receiving it because I had one problem the problem was that I was trying to
the problem was that I was trying to
the problem was that I was trying to find the Krenz right and I didn’t meet
find the Krenz right and I didn’t meet
find the Krenz right and I didn’t meet you and then I realized I don’t need a
you and then I realized I don’t need a
you and then I realized I don’t need a crib I need a chair yeah let me tell you
crib I need a chair yeah let me tell you
crib I need a chair yeah let me tell you what I mean you know this is a musical
what I mean you know this is a musical
what I mean you know this is a musical chair game that you played as children
chair game that you played as children
chair game that you played as children yeah so it’s basically the number of
yeah so it’s basically the number of
yeah so it’s basically the number of participants exceeds the number of
participants exceeds the number of
participants exceeds the number of chairs by one so if there are five
chairs by one so if there are five
chairs by one so if there are five people than there are four chairs and
people than there are four chairs and
people than there are four chairs and during the music they’re running around
during the music they’re running around
during the music they’re running around and then the music stops they have to
and then the music stops they have to
and then the music stops they have to sit down and the person without damage
sit down and the person without damage
sit down and the person without damage here then leaves the game so in
here then leaves the game so in
here then leaves the game so in classical gaming of relationships there
classical gaming of relationships there
classical gaming of relationships there are two people running around one chair
are two people running around one chair
are two people running around one chair June when the music is playing all right
June when the music is playing all right
June when the music is playing all right and when the music stops and that
and when the music stops and that
and when the music stops and that represents for me this romantic
represents for me this romantic
represents for me this romantic romanticism moment it which lasts around
romanticism moment it which lasts around
romanticism moment it which lasts around three months when we are so excited to
three months when we are so excited to
three months when we are so excited to see chat via so more when we’re so
see chat via so more when we’re so
see chat via so more when we’re so excited to to be with each other we
excited to to be with each other we
excited to to be with each other we don’t sleep at night we write points to
don’t sleep at night we write points to
don’t sleep at night we write points to each other or we tweet about it I don’t
each other or we tweet about it I don’t
each other or we tweet about it I don’t know what Facebook about it to talking
know what Facebook about it to talking
know what Facebook about it to talking modern terms and then there comes a time
modern terms and then there comes a time
modern terms and then there comes a time when the music stops and this is okay
when the music stops and this is okay
when the music stops and this is okay and then we sit down usually in three
and then we sit down usually in three
and then we sit down usually in three one of the three positions all of which
one of the three positions all of which
one of the three positions all of which are uncomfortable just check it out
are uncomfortable just check it out
are uncomfortable just check it out so it’s either we sit with half of our
so it’s either we sit with half of our
so it’s either we sit with half of our butts and we’re about to fall down right
butts and we’re about to fall down right
butts and we’re about to fall down right and that’s what I was doing as well by
and that’s what I was doing as well by
and that’s what I was doing as well by the way yeah I saw men with chairs and
the way yeah I saw men with chairs and
the way yeah I saw men with chairs and what I tried to do is to get their chair
what I tried to do is to get their chair
what I tried to do is to get their chair so after a while yeah
so after a while yeah
so after a while yeah we were so that’s the first thing first
we were so that’s the first thing first
we were so that’s the first thing first um that’s the first option if we’re
um that’s the first option if we’re
um that’s the first option if we’re sitting with half of our butts and then
sitting with half of our butts and then
sitting with half of our butts and then you know there is no space for love here
you know there is no space for love here
you know there is no space for love here a lot as you see there is no space for
a lot as you see there is no space for
a lot as you see there is no space for interacting and for a little listening
interacting and for a little listening
interacting and for a little listening to each other but it’s more about
to each other but it’s more about
to each other but it’s more about fighting who’s going to get the seed the
fighting who’s going to get the seed the
fighting who’s going to get the seed the second option if I’m sitting and the
second option if I’m sitting and the
second option if I’m sitting and the other person is standing or vice versa
other person is standing or vice versa
other person is standing or vice versa he’s sitting and I’m standing and that
he’s sitting and I’m standing and that
he’s sitting and I’m standing and that also doesn’t work for a long time it
also doesn’t work for a long time it
also doesn’t work for a long time it works in a short time and that’s why you
works in a short time and that’s why you
works in a short time and that’s why you know most of relationships they had
know most of relationships they had
know most of relationships they had people get separated before they even
people get separated before they even
people get separated before they even get married because of the chair issue
get married because of the chair issue
get married because of the chair issue and then the third option which many
and then the third option which many
and then the third option which many people find romantic when I do it at my
people find romantic when I do it at my
people find romantic when I do it at my trainings is that oh they say I can sit
trainings is that oh they say I can sit
trainings is that oh they say I can sit on his lap you know and yeah but for how
on his lap you know and yeah but for how
on his lap you know and yeah but for how long can he hold you on his laps
long can he hold you on his laps
long can he hold you on his laps yeah like it is romantic in the
yeah like it is romantic in the
yeah like it is romantic in the beginning like I said but after a while
beginning like I said but after a while
beginning like I said but after a while every person gets tired and then he will
every person gets tired and then he will
every person gets tired and then he will ask to sit on your laps
ask to sit on your laps
ask to sit on your laps do you agree you know and so this is how
do you agree you know and so this is how
do you agree you know and so this is how children are playing the game and
children are playing the game and
children are playing the game and unfortunately this is how we play even
unfortunately this is how we play even
unfortunately this is how we play even as being adults we think that we grow up
as being adults we think that we grow up
as being adults we think that we grow up but we don’t so the chair represents
but we don’t so the chair represents
but we don’t so the chair represents maturity maturity that’s why people are
maturity maturity that’s why people are
maturity maturity that’s why people are suffering in the relationship because
suffering in the relationship because
suffering in the relationship because they don’t bring yeah here’s my term
they don’t bring yeah here’s my term
they don’t bring yeah here’s my term that I recently invented it’s maturity
that I recently invented it’s maturity
that I recently invented it’s maturity if you have if you have maturity with
if you have if you have maturity with
if you have if you have maturity with you you’re much more likely to enjoy
you you’re much more likely to enjoy
you you’re much more likely to enjoy this relationship even though there are
this relationship even though there are
this relationship even though there are never guarantees right so but I mean I
never guarantees right so but I mean I
never guarantees right so but I mean I realize it I was so fascinated like yeah
realize it I was so fascinated like yeah
realize it I was so fascinated like yeah I got a bit mature and I started and
I got a bit mature and I started and
I got a bit mature and I started and finally finally for the first time I
finally finally for the first time I
finally finally for the first time I wasn’t fired from my works yeah and I
wasn’t fired from my works yeah and I
wasn’t fired from my works yeah and I was enjoying the work with and I was
was enjoying the work with and I was
was enjoying the work with and I was choosing the places that I want to work
choosing the places that I want to work
choosing the places that I want to work at I resolved my health issues I quit
at I resolved my health issues I quit
at I resolved my health issues I quit smoking it was very easy even though for
smoking it was very easy even though for
smoking it was very easy even though for five years I’ve been struggling with it
five years I’ve been struggling with it
five years I’ve been struggling with it because mature people don’t hurt
because mature people don’t hurt
because mature people don’t hurt themselves intentionally
themselves intentionally
themselves intentionally that’s some news for those of you still
that’s some news for those of you still
that’s some news for those of you still smoke and and then I also got to see
smoke and and then I also got to see
smoke and and then I also got to see that now I I have more friends and a
that now I I have more friends and a
that now I I have more friends and a much more outgoing and people want to
much more outgoing and people want to
much more outgoing and people want to have business with me and that was
have business with me and that was
have business with me and that was exciting and as a bonus I met my husband
exciting and as a bonus I met my husband
exciting and as a bonus I met my husband who also had a chair
it’s heavy yeah so you see here we are
it’s heavy yeah so you see here we are both of us to us right but we interact
both of us to us right but we interact
both of us to us right but we interact on a completely different level first we
on a completely different level first we
on a completely different level first we were friends because we didn’t need each
were friends because we didn’t need each
were friends because we didn’t need each other
other
other we were just interacting we were talking
we were just interacting we were talking
we were just interacting we were talking were laughing and then it naturally
were laughing and then it naturally
were laughing and then it naturally somehow got into romantic relationship
somehow got into romantic relationship
somehow got into romantic relationship and then we travel together and lived
and then we travel together and lived
and then we travel together and lived happily ever after right wrong that’s
happily ever after right wrong that’s
happily ever after right wrong that’s that’s what the fairytales are saying
that’s what the fairytales are saying
that’s what the fairytales are saying that all you have to do is just a matter
that all you have to do is just a matter
that all you have to do is just a matter of finding this right person if we
of finding this right person if we
of finding this right person if we chanced if you translate it to today’s
chanced if you translate it to today’s
chanced if you translate it to today’s speech you just have to you know
speech you just have to you know
speech you just have to you know construct your own chair find the person
construct your own chair find the person
construct your own chair find the person with the perfect chair and then you’ve
with the perfect chair and then you’ve
with the perfect chair and then you’ve got all of it going automatically and
got all of it going automatically and
got all of it going automatically and that’s what I also thought now that I
that’s what I also thought now that I
that’s what I also thought now that I have the coolest chair ever well for me
have the coolest chair ever well for me
have the coolest chair ever well for me it was back then I thought like you know
it was back then I thought like you know
it was back then I thought like you know I have such I’m such an amazing person
I have such I’m such an amazing person
I have such I’m such an amazing person with an amazing care so yeah now we have
with an amazing care so yeah now we have
with an amazing care so yeah now we have it all going but it was it after a while
it all going but it was it after a while
it all going but it was it after a while after several months I started to notice
after several months I started to notice
after several months I started to notice that I get irritated by my husband well
that I get irritated by my husband well
that I get irritated by my husband well back then he was my boyfriend then I get
back then he was my boyfriend then I get
back then he was my boyfriend then I get irritated by him more and more and more
irritated by him more and more and more
irritated by him more and more and more and I couldn’t help it and we were
and I couldn’t help it and we were
and I couldn’t help it and we were having fights even though we were
having fights even though we were
having fights even though we were sitting I mean imagine if we did if if
sitting I mean imagine if we did if if
sitting I mean imagine if we did if if we had just one chair how terrible it
we had just one chair how terrible it
we had just one chair how terrible it would be but even though we were sitting
would be but even though we were sitting
would be but even though we were sitting on our own chairs we couldn’t make it we
on our own chairs we couldn’t make it we
on our own chairs we couldn’t make it we I couldn’t make it personally so I had
I couldn’t make it personally so I had
I couldn’t make it personally so I had to leave I left relationship I’d moved
to leave I left relationship I’d moved
to leave I left relationship I’d moved out and I wanted to spend some time by
out and I wanted to spend some time by
out and I wanted to spend some time by myself to think what is wrong with this
myself to think what is wrong with this
myself to think what is wrong with this because it seems like it’s a perfect
because it seems like it’s a perfect
because it seems like it’s a perfect solution and what I found after
solution and what I found after
solution and what I found after attending courses and family counseling
attending courses and family counseling
attending courses and family counseling and attending and reading more books
and attending and reading more books
and attending and reading more books again and counseling the more doing more
again and counseling the more doing more
again and counseling the more doing more trainings I realized that my chair is
trainings I realized that my chair is
trainings I realized that my chair is underdeveloped that’s that’s how it
underdeveloped that’s that’s how it
underdeveloped that’s that’s how it works
works
works you don’t construct it once and then
you don’t construct it once and then
you don’t construct it once and then just leave it out only in relationship
just leave it out only in relationship
just leave it out only in relationship can you grow there is no
can you grow there is no
can you grow there is no others fear where you can grow as much
others fear where you can grow as much
others fear where you can grow as much as in relationship it teaches you so
as in relationship it teaches you so
as in relationship it teaches you so many things about you that you didn’t
many things about you that you didn’t
many things about you that you didn’t know and when I checked it when I make
know and when I checked it when I make
know and when I checked it when I make the reality check it turned out that my
the reality check it turned out that my
the reality check it turned out that my spiritual maturity was really really
spiritual maturity was really really
spiritual maturity was really really underdeveloped and what I mean by
underdeveloped and what I mean by
underdeveloped and what I mean by spiritual maturity is the ability to
spiritual maturity is the ability to
spiritual maturity is the ability to love person for what he is it’s the type
love person for what he is it’s the type
love person for what he is it’s the type of love that we receive from higher
of love that we receive from higher
of love that we receive from higher forces somebody calls it universe God
forces somebody calls it universe God
forces somebody calls it universe God Allah Buddha Jesus doesn’t matter is the
Allah Buddha Jesus doesn’t matter is the
Allah Buddha Jesus doesn’t matter is the hardest love ever to love somebody
hardest love ever to love somebody
hardest love ever to love somebody especially in marriage you know when you
especially in marriage you know when you
especially in marriage you know when you own when you know all the flaws all the
own when you know all the flaws all the
own when you know all the flaws all the terrible terrible habits that this
terrible terrible habits that this
terrible terrible habits that this person is doing you know and I’m not
person is doing you know and I’m not
person is doing you know and I’m not even talking about the socks all over
even talking about the socks all over
even talking about the socks all over the apartment I mean it’s just that it’s
the apartment I mean it’s just that it’s
the apartment I mean it’s just that it’s just the tip of the iceberg because when
just the tip of the iceberg because when
just the tip of the iceberg because when you really interact when you really
you really interact when you really
you really interact when you really connect you get to see the person’s
connect you get to see the person’s
connect you get to see the person’s so-called flaws and it’s it’s becoming a
so-called flaws and it’s it’s becoming a
so-called flaws and it’s it’s becoming a bigger and bigger and bigger challenge
bigger and bigger and bigger challenge
bigger and bigger and bigger challenge to really love and accept
to really love and accept
to really love and accept unconditionally the person for who he is
unconditionally the person for who he is
unconditionally the person for who he is and what I found I came up with an
and what I found I came up with an
and what I found I came up with an exercise that I can share with you and
exercise that I can share with you and
exercise that I can share with you and that worked for me
that worked for me
that worked for me so if you and the good thing about it is
so if you and the good thing about it is
so if you and the good thing about it is called the chair again the more you
called the chair again the more you
called the chair again the more you develop your chair the more you’re able
develop your chair the more you’re able
develop your chair the more you’re able to understand yourself and in that
to understand yourself and in that
to understand yourself and in that understand others so if you’re here in
understand others so if you’re here in
understand others so if you’re here in the in the hole good news you get it
the in the hole good news you get it
the in the hole good news you get it we’ve got it under you if you’re
we’ve got it under you if you’re
we’ve got it under you if you’re watching this event from face book life
watching this event from face book life
watching this event from face book life please take a sit right now the good
please take a sit right now the good
please take a sit right now the good thing you can always find a chair and
thing you can always find a chair and
thing you can always find a chair and for about twenty seconds please close
for about twenty seconds please close
for about twenty seconds please close your eyes and remember situation where
your eyes and remember situation where
your eyes and remember situation where you had an argument with someone or you
you had an argument with someone or you
you had an argument with someone or you were really angry doesn’t have to be big
were really angry doesn’t have to be big
were really angry doesn’t have to be big or small but think of a conflict that
or small but think of a conflict that
or small but think of a conflict that you had with someone remember what you
you had with someone remember what you
you had with someone remember what you said to this person what this person
said to this person what this person
said to this person what this person replied now get up please
replied now get up please
replied now get up please get up get up get up
thank you and sit down imagining that
thank you and sit down imagining that you are that person now you’re not you
you are that person now you’re not you
you are that person now you’re not you anymore but the person you had a fight
anymore but the person you had a fight
anymore but the person you had a fight with now close your eyes again and see
with now close your eyes again and see
with now close your eyes again and see the situation from this person’s eyes
how does this person feel why did he do
how does this person feel why did he do what he do
in my case yesterday I had a big fight
in my case yesterday I had a big fight with my son he’s one year old yeah you
with my son he’s one year old yeah you
with my son he’s one year old yeah you got all this fight and you’re trying to
got all this fight and you’re trying to
got all this fight and you’re trying to explain and you just you know that’s
explain and you just you know that’s
explain and you just you know that’s that the biggest the biggest place for
that the biggest the biggest place for
that the biggest the biggest place for me right now to grow because you try to
me right now to grow because you try to
me right now to grow because you try to explain and he’s like nah he just wants
explain and he’s like nah he just wants
explain and he’s like nah he just wants it all and so he was crying he was he
it all and so he was crying he was he
it all and so he was crying he was he didn’t get comfort by I was holding him
didn’t get comfort by I was holding him
didn’t get comfort by I was holding him I was playing with the and didn’t work
I was playing with the and didn’t work
I was playing with the and didn’t work he just was crying around and yelling so
he just was crying around and yelling so
he just was crying around and yelling so when I sit on his chair I see that he’s
when I sit on his chair I see that he’s
when I sit on his chair I see that he’s a bit scared I see that he feels
a bit scared I see that he feels
a bit scared I see that he feels insecure in a new place I see that he
insecure in a new place I see that he
insecure in a new place I see that he needs my comfort and I see that he loves
needs my comfort and I see that he loves
needs my comfort and I see that he loves me and that’s good enough for me to stop
me and that’s good enough for me to stop
me and that’s good enough for me to stop this argument with him and that’s how it
this argument with him and that’s how it
this argument with him and that’s how it works with relationship with other
works with relationship with other
works with relationship with other people the good thing you know they say
people the good thing you know they say
people the good thing you know they say like to the other person’s walk other in
like to the other person’s walk other in
like to the other person’s walk other in other person’s shoes I tried the shoes
other person’s shoes I tried the shoes
other person’s shoes I tried the shoes first they’re not always my size and
first they’re not always my size and
first they’re not always my size and sometimes they smell so I feel like a
sometimes they smell so I feel like a
sometimes they smell so I feel like a bit not disgusted but not very happy
bit not disgusted but not very happy
bit not disgusted but not very happy let’s say about it so then I found this
let’s say about it so then I found this
let’s say about it so then I found this chair and I realize I can use this chair
chair and I realize I can use this chair
chair and I realize I can use this chair anytime anywhere almost every place has
anytime anywhere almost every place has
anytime anywhere almost every place has a chair and even if I go to mountains or
a chair and even if I go to mountains or
a chair and even if I go to mountains or desert I take the folding chair with me
desert I take the folding chair with me
desert I take the folding chair with me just in case if I hate someone you know
just in case if I hate someone you know
just in case if I hate someone you know if this
if this
if this instrument is always available I can sit
instrument is always available I can sit
instrument is always available I can sit down
down
down even during our fight for example I said
even during our fight for example I said
even during our fight for example I said just wait a minute give me give me a
just wait a minute give me give me a
just wait a minute give me give me a second and I tried to shift the
second and I tried to shift the
second and I tried to shift the attention from me towards the other
attention from me towards the other
attention from me towards the other person and I can guess it wrong and it
person and I can guess it wrong and it
person and I can guess it wrong and it really doesn’t matter because as soon as
really doesn’t matter because as soon as
really doesn’t matter because as soon as I shift the attention and start to see I
I shift the attention and start to see I
I shift the attention and start to see I start to understand this person more
start to understand this person more
start to understand this person more please raise your hand if it helped you
please raise your hand if it helped you
please raise your hand if it helped you to understand the verse we had fight
to understand the verse we had fight
to understand the verse we had fight with wow it’s like most of the people
with wow it’s like most of the people
with wow it’s like most of the people look around yeah
look around yeah
look around yeah please raise your hand is it help you to
please raise your hand is it help you to
please raise your hand is it help you to like this person for the best hands you
like this person for the best hands you
like this person for the best hands you see you don’t need to apply effort to
see you don’t need to apply effort to
see you don’t need to apply effort to like people when you understand them
well and then the lighting turns into
well and then the lighting turns into love when you’re in marriage when you’re
love when you’re in marriage when you’re
love when you’re in marriage when you’re in relationship the same it works to say
in relationship the same it works to say
in relationship the same it works to say the other way I cannot hate anybody when
the other way I cannot hate anybody when
the other way I cannot hate anybody when I understand them and I cannot help but
I understand them and I cannot help but
I understand them and I cannot help but love someone when I fully understand
love someone when I fully understand
love someone when I fully understand what they’re doing is why they’re doing
what they’re doing is why they’re doing
what they’re doing is why they’re doing so I was excited about this exercise and
so I was excited about this exercise and
so I was excited about this exercise and it works for a while
it works for a while
it works for a while and then again we had all this kind of
and then again we had all this kind of
and then again we had all this kind of challenges then I decided to write a
challenges then I decided to write a
challenges then I decided to write a book which is got the art of immature
book which is got the art of immature
book which is got the art of immature love because I personally I was writing
love because I personally I was writing
love because I personally I was writing it for me and whatever you read in the
it for me and whatever you read in the
it for me and whatever you read in the book
book
book submitted it to the publisher and then
submitted it to the publisher and then
submitted it to the publisher and then oh yeah oh yeah this is how I should do
oh yeah oh yeah this is how I should do
oh yeah oh yeah this is how I should do it yeah
it yeah
it yeah instead of winder for myself of how to
instead of winder for myself of how to
instead of winder for myself of how to blow up and it turned out it could be
blow up and it turned out it could be
blow up and it turned out it could be helpful for other people as well so for
helpful for other people as well so for
helpful for other people as well so for me the growing up person the maturity
me the growing up person the maturity
me the growing up person the maturity maturity maturity is something exciting
maturity maturity is something exciting
maturity maturity is something exciting whenever I face a problem in a concept I
whenever I face a problem in a concept I
whenever I face a problem in a concept I perceive it in a different way I don’t
perceive it in a different way I don’t
perceive it in a different way I don’t see my husband as a problem anymore and
see my husband as a problem anymore and
see my husband as a problem anymore and not even his chair I’d start to
not even his chair I’d start to
not even his chair I’d start to understand which part of my chair is
understand which part of my chair is
understand which part of my chair is underdeveloped that I’m having
underdeveloped that I’m having
underdeveloped that I’m having difficulties and I have them and we
difficulties and I have them and we
difficulties and I have them and we fight every single day we have conflicts
fight every single day we have conflicts
fight every single day we have conflicts right now we used to fight now we have
right now we used to fight now we have
right now we used to fight now we have conflicts I’d rather call it this way so
conflicts I’d rather call it this way so
conflicts I’d rather call it this way so I believe this is possible imagine the
I believe this is possible imagine the
I believe this is possible imagine the world where every person would enter
world where every person would enter
world where every person would enter into relationship by being mature by
into relationship by being mature by
into relationship by being mature by being grown-up imagine where people
being grown-up imagine where people
being grown-up imagine where people could touch each other’s lives in the
could touch each other’s lives in the
could touch each other’s lives in the most connected way and where we could
most connected way and where we could
most connected way and where we could have sex in the most connected way and
have sex in the most connected way and
have sex in the most connected way and where children will grow up in loving
where children will grow up in loving
where children will grow up in loving families I believe this world is
families I believe this world is
families I believe this world is possible and I believe it is exciting to
possible and I believe it is exciting to
possible and I believe it is exciting to grow up before and during the
grow up before and during the
grow up before and during the relationship and I wish all of you to
relationship and I wish all of you to
relationship and I wish all of you to become cheer women and chairman of your
become cheer women and chairman of your
become cheer women and chairman of your lives thank you very much
lives thank you very much
lives thank you very much [Applause]
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