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L’intelligence amoureuse ou la mission du couple | Florentine D’AULNOIS-WANG | TEDxNarbonne


[Music]
a second
it took me a second I entered
in his apartment he was in the process
to cook
standing in her kitchen along the wall a
recipe book
he was weighing apples from
soil already peeled to make a gratin
dauphinois weighing potatoes
already peeled a second in a second
I saw his essence the beauty of his
to be I was in love it was 10 to 20
I spent my time at his house
unexpectedly it was raining outside I had
soaked hair and I started by
happily display the contents of my bag
hand on his couch to do it
to dry
you would have seen the contents of my bag a
second in one second
also become crazy about me I
have not seen in his wonder and I have them
seen as a wonder until the day
his apartment well I have his tendency to
organize everything weeks well
planned started to really type
on edge
I come from a very free childhood and
happily messy at home by
example at the time of eating we opened
the fridge was taking what
had in
in the oven and treat everyone
were there
so you imagine me weighing apples
already peeled and he has so much
loved that man he loved so much ya
twenty years my last minute side
my tendency to improvise but to
to do everywhere in the apartment life
he saw me as a marvel and he told me
seen in my wonder until the day he
started to feel that it was really
anything to live like that
and gradually like all
couples of the world we went from
crazy love to a daily more
difficult it speaks to you
ten years later three children a
house at work and a lot of pain
together desperate moments where
every den goes into a spin when we
was not together I really felt
my love for him I cared for him but
if it’s all about tackling a subject a way to
agree
I felt desperate I was
terrified I began to think
separation a nightmare it speaks to you
they got married were happy and
had many children
intox all that prince charming stuff
intox are just myths for us
to stop getting to work because
that love is work
for us it started in the form
an internship an imago couple internship
three days that changed everything
they made us do stuff
incredible ask us slow down breathe
dialogue understand
these three days have changed everything we
have understood that we had made the
perfect recruitment to become again
living romantics tea to talk about
recruitment in love and yet a
fundamental recruitment because we
we are born wonders we are
born rich wonders full of
potential and then we made a
trip but look at the babies ability
to get in touch or to be in our
bubble of the city tenderness sensuality
curiosity creativity joy and so on
we are born true wonders
and then we made a trip we
took a trip to a family
we took a trip in a
community we made a trip
in a world that we are going to spend
messages and who made us
psychiatrists hills so my tongue did
not forked the scar with blue dots
to soul psychic scars then to
during this trip we placed the
parts of us parts of our
vitality of the parts of our freedom
to be parts of our joy in a
freezer and that’s how we
come in the life of wonders in
frozen part theory of the freezer
of good points you see a freezer
not that there is another kind
much larger freezer
one in which we put
parts of our there may have been bereavements
abuse of abuse but
to simply grow up in contact with mine
will make me decided to join the
parts of me example example I
four years old i’m 4 years old and i’m in the
sewing box Granny and I explore
I explore
reels the scissors I’m four
it’s magic when granny come back I
immediately understands his mine the tone of
his voice
something is wrong with me and I have
four years old then I decide that my
curiosity that my curiosity I’m going to
put in my little freezer
because a child I always decided
to put parts of me from me
part of me rather than
risk losing the link with the other
and then as a child too I’m going
to make pictures I will do like
pictures from inside my little world
I have my little personal photo album
positive and negative traits
people who took care of me and
you know what I’m going to do happen
in adult life
Well, I’m going to fall in love with
someone who looks like the pictures of
my album is like that in a couple
is wired to put ourselves in all our
states for better and for worse
so I recap when I fall
in love when I fall in love 1
I saw the wonder I know the
wonder that you are 2 I am very
alive I really stayed
alive
where you’ve been frozen a lot
that’s where they say the opposites
attract 3g the superpower of others
masters in all its states and yeah I
am in your photo album then so
relentlessly as I saw the wonder
I know the wonder I will go
touch the nerve to put in
metamorphosis because I want the big
I want you whole and his crisis
intelligence intelligence has gone from
haye
you hurt me and then I’m going to
defend in link 1 you put yourself
so close to my heart when you
move you put your hand on my blues
it’s painful
I need your help because,
couple must not be mistaken for an enemy
it’s not the water of my enemy the enemy
it’s the blues of my childhood
blue of our children what they we
take hostage in the relationship and
everything that is of the order of the
blame criticism of movements
mood of anger all that is
just the detours of our heart for
talk about deep need and we have to
learn to say them differently because
that in section we have a mission is
the mission of the couple is to go to
our wonder become whole again live
defrost and it stings
you know it’s tingling of the hands
after the snow we quickly believe
that it’s cold that hurts not the
cold outside that is the meaning that brings back
of life that burns us so we took
meet you I have a scoop for you
between lovers even if we live together
24 hours a day
we have to make appointments in
the agenda with an agenda a
process like in the office it’s like that
that both in dialogues on
could make the trip and welcome a
little boy in my husband’s story
who always had danger to be
loved and we were able to welcome and give
of love together to a little girl
from my childhood trip that had not
badly missed benchmarks and its conflicts
recurring bazaar- themed storage
improvisation planning all these
moments when we had a dispute
all that dissolved
I have a second scoop for you
conflict is not a problem it’s the
reactor core
it is precisely the rendezvous at 2
to turn lead into gold and without
tool without conscience transforms the
lead to mush because our conflicts
are gifts the conflict is the
grow who knock on the door but
we pack these gifts with a
paper so much push back that no one
do not want to open them
who wants anger the rejection of the
violence the bad mood of the
criticism of victimization person
loses then ring this man and me to
every conflict that comes
we sit down we breathe
we connect and we do this
journey to enlighten childhood in the
security in the connection will open two
its freezers that keeps us from
to love us totally
it’s like it’s like a meditation
relational to gently release the
cries from within the masters to another
place the couple is a trip
initiatory
ladies gentlemen be careful
the couple puts us in danger of life
so let’s live
and I do not resist showing you my
laboratory of life
[Applause]
[Music]
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