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Is blood thicker than water? | Maria Helena Heim | TEDxDornbirn


[Music]
thank you
so the reason why I’m standing here
right now are my parents if I saved my
parents I actually have to save my
foster parents yes my parents took in
seven foster kids and through their love
offered us a caring and loving home let
me introduce you to the people who are
really important in my life my family on
the right side you can see my mother and
my money and my father Matias here on
the top from the left to the right is
father Julia flowers Sandra and I’m
sitting here in the front you can see
next to me it’s just me well let’s start
at the beginning in 1982 and my parents
got married they soon discovered that
they couldn’t have children
their marriage was filled with so much
love that they absolutely wanted to
share so they decided that they wanted
to have foster kids they started the
process
and after a year I arrived in 1986
being the little princess of my dad I
was getting really spoiled at my first
birthday my dad took me out to a shop
he’s a big car fanatic and bought me a
little motorcar which I couldn’t even
write because I was only one year older
when we got home and my mom sada she
said we absolutely need another child
because this girl’s a to spoil so this
is when Renee came to our family he was
already 7 years old finally after two
more years sandwich owned our family and
in 1990 my brother Klaus with Klaus
there’s actually a
amazing stories so when his biological
mother who also happened to be my
biological mother was pregnant everyone
in her environment told her that she
should abort the baby she didn’t want to
do that
so in her despair she called my parents
and asked them which they wanted to take
the unborn baby they immediately agreed
well and now you can see clouds sitting
here in the audience as a law graduate
what allows if you wouldn’t exist so in
1990
my parents had four foster kids with
totally different backgrounds and I have
to say our genetic material wasn’t –
idea Renee’s parents were alcoholics
thousand my mother was psychologically
sick and also Sandra’s mother so my
parents didn’t know if this genetic
material would have a negative impact on
our lives and in fact they didn’t care
about him they just trusted that the
love they feel for us would make
everything work they believed that
boundless love has a power of tenant
destroyed and that true love a real
family can be built understanding love
is a concept that is multiplied it is
not astonishing that my siblings and I
beg for another brother or sister that’s
been in 1995 Julia came to us and in
2002 and 2006 our family was completed
with the last two members this mean who
is mentally disabled in Fabian who have
some social issues as you can see we are
some kind of a patchwork family some of
us are somehow related while others
don’t share any type genetic material
with anyone
family it is not important to us we are
connected through the love that our
parents gave to us a parent’s love that
survived critical phases for example
like poverty a parent’s love that knew
how to forgive a child who was screaming
you are not my real parents a parent’s
love that had no boundaries and always
shall secure this is how love should be
and this is what makes us a real family
a family that cares for each other
a family that loves each other a family
that doesn’t care about genetic material
Sangha for example has now two kids they
are our niece and nephew I’m even the
godmother of this little video for them
we are their family and they are our
family my parents are the Emperor and
parents we belong to them and they
belong to us even if we don’t share the
same blood we never be belong together I
am a very very lucky person because
through the love that I experienced from
my foster parents it was very easy for
me to also love my biological mother I
loved her for her selflessness for her
capability of giving me away and an
enemy a stable home I also loved her for
her happiness that she always showed
when she saw me happy so I never had to
be afraid to love my parents to love my
foster parents
despite the amazing work that many
foster parents to the legal system in
Austria works more for the biological
parents and for their foster parents so
usually the court or the childcare
service decide if a child has to be
biological parents or not I as a foster
child don’t think that’s always good
sometimes the child has to see its
biological parents even if even if it
doesn’t want to even if it’s working in
our family we also have this experience
it’s a situation it’s really hard for
the child but also for the foster
parents because sometimes many times
they are then pushed into a corner in my
opinion in my opinion is very important
to hear what foster parents have to say
because usually they know what’s best
for the child my mom for example is a
very strong woman for her it was always
very very important that we knew our
genetic backgrounds I like to tell your
story about that so when I was about
five years old and someone just arrived
in our family my mom wanted to visit my
biological mom and went to the mental
health clinic she couldn’t go straight
to her and had to wait in a room
when she entered that waiting room she
said crying woman sitting there loving
and hearing and open as my mom is she’s
greatly went to that woman and comforted
her so that woman told my mother story
story about her little baby daughter who
was taken away by child care services
she even showed my mom a picture of her
little baby daughter named Sandra that’s
how my mother met son but biologically
mother that’s how the contact between
Sandra and her life biological mother
was possible so my mom was very very
happy about that she and my father were
also very encouraging and Julia tried to
find her biological background that’s
very important my parents were never
jealous they know
that love needs to be shared and that’s
a big point when you take in foster
children you cannot eat well jealous you
have to be very open open to the fact
that there are biological parents who
are somehow connected to your child but
don’t be afraid a foster kid can love
more than one parent because love is a
passing forward concept never a
competition so don’t be afraid but be
loving as I told you before my sister is
mean is mentally disabled that was never
an issue for us we just went welcome to
her as she was sometimes we may be felt
sad from her because because we thought
that her life might be harder than ours
it soon we found out that she might be
smaller than others might be slower
maybe she will always be dependent on
someone that and that’s what is
important she is loving caring sweet and
extremely panel really so we believed in
her and she believed in us so this year
she had enough confidence to attempt a
special Olympic Winter Games here in
Austria and guess what she won the gold
medal
[Music]
well Fabien it was a bit harder for us
siblings because his social issues were
hard for us to accept but my parents
even all the love they’ve got and
through their example it couldn’t do
anything else that welcome to so here in
13 years now and my parents are around
60 I see that they are exhausted I want
them to relax now I want them to be able
to cuddle their grandchildren so that’s
why I offered to take in tagging with me
to be this legal foster parent you see
that is supported and loved goes on many
people ask me why I would do them why at
13 I would take in a thirteen year old
child with some problems well the only
thing I could answer Danny was wouldn’t
you take in your brother wouldn’t you
break barriers for now thank you
[Applause]
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