[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
you could see me you would know that I
live with anxiety and depression
mostly anxiety all the anxiety all the
time I like to say that I live life in
caps luck just like this all the time
you can’t tell because they would lock
me up if I walked around like that so
this is what I look like
you’ve never seen a person get so
overwhelmed by the task of simply trying
to organize a pile of papers because
there are so many options of how this
pile of papers could be filed away so
the pile remains and I just go over here
and ignore it
living with anxiety is like the world is
constantly telling you that you’re not
enough that you don’t know where to find
your place that you shake no matter what
you’re doing you’re shaking and I have
had to learn how to find my way in the
world in the midst of the reality that
exists inside of my body I show up every
day with all the tools that I have at my
disposal and I give my all and sometimes
it’s enough and other times it’s not
when I was a child I was afraid of
everything
I didn’t sleep between the ages of 7 and
18 I was afraid that I was going to be
kidnapped in the middle of the night I
was afraid that I would be taken away I
was afraid that demons would possess me
in the middle of the night I would
afraid I was afraid that my dolls would
come to life the only people who made me
feel safe the most safe in the world
were my grandparents my bubby and data
they knew how to tell a story they
taught me the love of stories they
taught me to laugh in the midst of
life’s most challenging circumstances
when I was 13 years old
my bubby told me that when my Zaida
was about the same age as I was then he
began to feel there was something off
with his mental health only it was the
late 1930s
and they didn’t know what mental health
was back then but he was a kid
so he went to his mother because that’s
what we do we go to our parents or the
adults that we trust in our lives in
hopes that they will guide and support
and nurture us in our uncertainty but my
great-grandmother was a Ukrainian Jewish
immigrants expelled from her country by
virtue of existing on the world as a
Jewish person so she was fearful she was
sick herself so she told him to keep his
mouth shut
they’ll put you away she said he
believed her he got the message that the
person he was the person he really was
wasn’t good enough wasn’t worthy of help
wasn’t worthy of the love and the care
that he needed and I know that she did
that out of here and out of love but she
sent him a message and it would be 15
years before he received a schizophrenia
diagnosis but he carried with him for
the rest of his life his ultimate
Saviour protector partner and defender
was my bubby
shortly after they were married his
symptoms could no longer be avoided but
when he got the diagnosis her family and
his encouraged her to institutionalize
put him away it was 1952 and that’s what
you did in 1952 you hoped no one found
out that you had one of those people in
your family for us the diagnosis was
never a secret we knew who our Zeta was
but sometimes he was erratic sometimes
he was weird but he was also loving and
kind and funny and warm and he was ours
so his life had meaning they would have
had him
believe that beyond the schizophrenia
diagnosis there was no one but I know
that they still felt the need to hide I
know that now because you see when you
grow up in the midst of amazing people
you don’t know that you’re growing up in
the midst of amazing people they’re just
four people I was almost 30 years old
before I realized the weight of what
they carry when I was almost 30 years
old I started working in the mental
health and disability support services
field and I started listening to people
to self-advocates family advocate stand
up and tell their stories over and over
and over again and it made me realize
how much my grandparents my family had
been forced to hide and I made it my
mission without even really realizing it
that no 13 year old child if I had
anything to do with it no child would
ever have to hide again through the
process of learning how to be a
self-advocate I came in contact with so
many others who I asked to share their
photographs with me because they brought
me here and they are on this stage with
me tonight
they are incredibly great beautiful
people who stand up every day and
advocate for the rights of the people
that they love and after hearing it and
seeing it for so long I decided that it
was time for me to get brave and it was
time for me to start telling my story
I’ve always been a performer a singer a
writer an actor and so I showed up with
the skills that I had at my disposal and
I wrote this little show called it runs
in the family I wrote and I spoke and I
sang and I told and eventually I started
inviting other people to come up and the
responses that I got were so
unbelievably amazing and surprising that
I couldn’t stop I became addicted to the
process of doing that because I thought
everybody knew how freeing how powerful
it makes you feel when you stand up and
you share the lived experience of your
life with the world but they don’t know
and so I’m working with all of these
amazing people to to tell the world to
say it’s okay
we are all broken in some form or
fashion
and it’s okay so I wrote the show and I
wrote a book and last year I started
this new project with a group of
unbelievably amazing brave beautiful
people this is one of the pictures it’s
called if you could see me and it came
out of the blue and in a bount of
synesthesia in the shower because that’s
where all the best ideas are born right
so I saw hashtag if you can see me in
front of my eyes as clear as day and I
knew that this was the next project this
was the thing that we were going to do
and it wasn’t going to be mine is going
to be ours and I called my amazing
friend photographer in Richmond Virginia
where I live Dean Witt back and I said
this is the project that we’re gonna do
we’re gonna take our pictures with your
beautiful eye and you’re gonna tell our
stories in that way and we are going to
stand up in front of a roomful of
strangers and family and friends and
whoever else will listen and we’re going
to tell our stories in our own way we’re
going to share our experiences as adults
living with a mental health diagnosis
but the thing is is that this doesn’t
have to be limited to mental health or
to disability services this is all of us
standing up in front of the world and
saying I’m ok exactly the way that I am
the facts are really hard and scary
thing to do it’s hard to admit our flaws
because we live in a world that wants us
to be perfect all the time so I have
come here with a challenge for you this
evening
that I would like for you to consider I
want you to start out by thinking about
a moment when you were sad when you were
disappointed when you were afraid when
you were angry when you let yourself
down we let another person down I want
you to think about that time and I want
you to leave tonight
and I want you to go home and I want you
to write the story of that incident but
before you do that I want you to
internalize I ask you to internalize the
following one humor is healing when we
can find something to laugh at in our
most challenging most painful situations
we take control over it no longer has
power over us – this is the secret not
one person on the entire earth was born
with an instruction name nobody knows
what the hell they’re doing
[Applause]
and as a results number three you’re not
alone
number four you are allowed to like
yourself even though you’re not perfect
that seems like a really simple thing
that is really hard for us to
internalize number five I think
imperfect beauty of imperfection right
number five is you are allowed to be
proud of yourself
even though you’ve made mistakes a
number six probably most importantly
your story can change the world no
matter how boring how mundane how
uneventful you think your life is if you
are able to share your story with the
world and you are able to change one
person’s perspective one person’s idea
about who they are and what they’re
capable of then you have changed the
world
if a butter if a butterfly’s wings
flapping can cause a typhoon then we can
change the world with our stories when
we learn compassion when we stand next
to one another and share the truth of
what it’s like to live on the planet
that’s all there is that’s all there is
so I ask you to think about your story I
ask you to share it it’s yours that’s
the great thing it’s your story and you
get to share it however you want you get
to say it in whatever fashion or form
you are inspired to do it
it’s yours all I ask is that you you
love your story you hold your story in
your heart and then go out and share it
with the world
[Applause]
[Applause]
you
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
you could see me you would know that I
live with anxiety and depression
mostly anxiety all the anxiety all the
time I like to say that I live life in
caps luck just like this all the time
you can’t tell because they would lock
me up if I walked around like that so
this is what I look like
you’ve never seen a person get so
overwhelmed by the task of simply trying
to organize a pile of papers because
there are so many options of how this
pile of papers could be filed away so
the pile remains and I just go over here
and ignore it
living with anxiety is like the world is
constantly telling you that you’re not
enough that you don’t know where to find
your place that you shake no matter what
you’re doing you’re shaking and I have
had to learn how to find my way in the
world in the midst of the reality that
exists inside of my body I show up every
day with all the tools that I have at my
disposal and I give my all and sometimes
it’s enough and other times it’s not
when I was a child I was afraid of
everything
I didn’t sleep between the ages of 7 and
18 I was afraid that I was going to be
kidnapped in the middle of the night I
was afraid that I would be taken away I
was afraid that demons would possess me
in the middle of the night I would
afraid I was afraid that my dolls would
come to life the only people who made me
feel safe the most safe in the world
were my grandparents my bubby and data
they knew how to tell a story they
taught me the love of stories they
taught me to laugh in the midst of
life’s most challenging circumstances
when I was 13 years old
my bubby told me that when my Zaida
was about the same age as I was then he
began to feel there was something off
with his mental health only it was the
late 1930s
and they didn’t know what mental health
was back then but he was a kid
so he went to his mother because that’s
what we do we go to our parents or the
adults that we trust in our lives in
hopes that they will guide and support
and nurture us in our uncertainty but my
great-grandmother was a Ukrainian Jewish
immigrants expelled from her country by
virtue of existing on the world as a
Jewish person so she was fearful she was
sick herself so she told him to keep his
mouth shut
they’ll put you away she said he
believed her he got the message that the
person he was the person he really was
wasn’t good enough wasn’t worthy of help
wasn’t worthy of the love and the care
that he needed and I know that she did
that out of here and out of love but she
sent him a message and it would be 15
years before he received a schizophrenia
diagnosis but he carried with him for
the rest of his life his ultimate
Saviour protector partner and defender
was my bubby
shortly after they were married his
symptoms could no longer be avoided but
when he got the diagnosis her family and
his encouraged her to institutionalize
put him away it was 1952 and that’s what
you did in 1952 you hoped no one found
out that you had one of those people in
your family for us the diagnosis was
never a secret we knew who our Zeta was
but sometimes he was erratic sometimes
he was weird but he was also loving and
kind and funny and warm and he was ours
so his life had meaning they would have
had him
believe that beyond the schizophrenia
diagnosis there was no one but I know
that they still felt the need to hide I
know that now because you see when you
grow up in the midst of amazing people
you don’t know that you’re growing up in
the midst of amazing people they’re just
four people I was almost 30 years old
before I realized the weight of what
they carry when I was almost 30 years
old I started working in the mental
health and disability support services
field and I started listening to people
to self-advocates family advocate stand
up and tell their stories over and over
and over again and it made me realize
how much my grandparents my family had
been forced to hide and I made it my
mission without even really realizing it
that no 13 year old child if I had
anything to do with it no child would
ever have to hide again through the
process of learning how to be a
self-advocate I came in contact with so
many others who I asked to share their
photographs with me because they brought
me here and they are on this stage with
me tonight
they are incredibly great beautiful
people who stand up every day and
advocate for the rights of the people
that they love and after hearing it and
seeing it for so long I decided that it
was time for me to get brave and it was
time for me to start telling my story
I’ve always been a performer a singer a
writer an actor and so I showed up with
the skills that I had at my disposal and
I wrote this little show called it runs
in the family I wrote and I spoke and I
sang and I told and eventually I started
inviting other people to come up and the
responses that I got were so
unbelievably amazing and surprising that
I couldn’t stop I became addicted to the
process of doing that because I thought
everybody knew how freeing how powerful
it makes you feel when you stand up and
you share the lived experience of your
life with the world but they don’t know
and so I’m working with all of these
amazing people to to tell the world to
say it’s okay
we are all broken in some form or
fashion
and it’s okay so I wrote the show and I
wrote a book and last year I started
this new project with a group of
unbelievably amazing brave beautiful
people this is one of the pictures it’s
called if you could see me and it came
out of the blue and in a bount of
synesthesia in the shower because that’s
where all the best ideas are born right
so I saw hashtag if you can see me in
front of my eyes as clear as day and I
knew that this was the next project this
was the thing that we were going to do
and it wasn’t going to be mine is going
to be ours and I called my amazing
friend photographer in Richmond Virginia
where I live Dean Witt back and I said
this is the project that we’re gonna do
we’re gonna take our pictures with your
beautiful eye and you’re gonna tell our
stories in that way and we are going to
stand up in front of a roomful of
strangers and family and friends and
whoever else will listen and we’re going
to tell our stories in our own way we’re
going to share our experiences as adults
living with a mental health diagnosis
but the thing is is that this doesn’t
have to be limited to mental health or
to disability services this is all of us
standing up in front of the world and
saying I’m ok exactly the way that I am
the facts are really hard and scary
thing to do it’s hard to admit our flaws
because we live in a world that wants us
to be perfect all the time so I have
come here with a challenge for you this
evening
that I would like for you to consider I
want you to start out by thinking about
a moment when you were sad when you were
disappointed when you were afraid when
you were angry when you let yourself
down we let another person down I want
you to think about that time and I want
you to leave tonight
and I want you to go home and I want you
to write the story of that incident but
before you do that I want you to
internalize I ask you to internalize the
following one humor is healing when we
can find something to laugh at in our
most challenging most painful situations
we take control over it no longer has
power over us – this is the secret not
one person on the entire earth was born
with an instruction name nobody knows
what the hell they’re doing
[Applause]
and as a results number three you’re not
alone
number four you are allowed to like
yourself even though you’re not perfect
that seems like a really simple thing
that is really hard for us to
internalize number five I think
imperfect beauty of imperfection right
number five is you are allowed to be
proud of yourself
even though you’ve made mistakes a
number six probably most importantly
your story can change the world no
matter how boring how mundane how
uneventful you think your life is if you
are able to share your story with the
world and you are able to change one
person’s perspective one person’s idea
about who they are and what they’re
capable of then you have changed the
world
if a butter if a butterfly’s wings
flapping can cause a typhoon then we can
change the world with our stories when
we learn compassion when we stand next
to one another and share the truth of
what it’s like to live on the planet
that’s all there is that’s all there is
so I ask you to think about your story I
ask you to share it it’s yours that’s
the great thing it’s your story and you
get to share it however you want you get
to say it in whatever fashion or form
you are inspired to do it
it’s yours all I ask is that you you
love your story you hold your story in
your heart and then go out and share it
with the world
[Applause]
[Applause]
you
[Music]
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