what might we consider to be the most
destructive emotion anger alright okay
or perhaps fear jealousy we’ll get to
that one sadness maybe well for all of
these emotions that we’ve brought up
there at least temporary right you can’t
be angry all the time even though some
people might try they’re also of course
unavoidable some would even claim that
they’re necessary for our happiness
khalil gibran in the profit claims that
the self-same well from what your
laughter rises has oftentimes been
filled with your tears and howls can it
be the deeper sorrow carves into your
being the more joy you can contain
essentially what he’s saying here is
that it is the contrast we appreciate
more than anything else we appreciate
the good times because we’ve been
through the bad so with all that in mind
we haven’t quite found it if we look at
a more specific example let’s say a
relationship what would be the most
destructive emotion to a relationship
somebody said jealousy jealousy and
perhaps Envy well jealousy is just the
ugly face of ambition it’s wanting what
another has Envy on the other hand is
rooted in fear it is a fear of losing
something or someone that you have and
while these are not great emotions to
act on granted they do show that you
care if you didn’t care you wouldn’t be
afraid to lose that thing for that
person so what I would like to argue is
that the most destructive emotion we
face is apathy it’s not caring and it’s
hidden in a very dangerous four-letter
word is the idea of being okay and it is
more harmful than you think
let’s say that you’re in a job not one
that you particularly love but the pay
is okay right the benefits are okay
the hours are okay you will end up
waking up 40 or 50 years later in a
rocking chair realizing that you’ve
wasted your entire life that is not okay
or let’s say that you’re in the
relationship not a particularly good one
right you’re honestly subconsciously
just kind of waiting for it to end some
of us may have been there and that
excuse never really comes because the
other person never does anything bad
enough to warrant ending your
relationship so instead of any big
cataclysmic event it’s all the little
things that build up all the things that
you have thus far been okay with and
then everything ends in a mess of just
confusion right and you’ve ended up
losing not only time but potentially a
friendship as well it is not okay to be
okay
okay is so incredibly destructive
because it falls into a limbo between
being genuinely satisfied with where you
are and being in a position where you
need to change if you’re down here I
firmly believe as far better than being
stuck in okay because eventually you do
have to change where you are what you’re
doing right if you’re in okay
that can persist forever you can end up
being stuck in okay not even realize the
danger that’s there and how much harm
it’s causing to you until it has already
caused that harm now another area where
okay is so incredibly destructive is
where it links up to other negative
oceans so let’s look at for example
depression depression is in itself
already awful if you are depressed the
best thing that you can do is get out of
it right so whether that is exercising
calling up your friends playing music
writing if it’s clinical seeing a
psychiatrist getting medication
depression is an awful thing but where
it truly becomes destructive is when you
become ok with it when you decide that
is something that you just have to live
with when you settle for being in a bad
situation
settling is what’s truly doing the harm
now it is important to point out
especially when speaking about
depression that there is a difference
between feeling and being there’s a
difference between feeling depressed and
being depressed one is a more temporary
emotion right that’s just some that you
feel and the other is a more permanent
state of mind much the same with ok
you’re definitely allowed to feel ok
alright that would be strange if
everybody went around all the time only
feeling exaggerated emotions without
that in between greyscale of being ok
right what is harmful is being okay it
is not okay to be okay the mindset not
the temporary feeling right although I’m
also going to argue that I even hate the
word okay whenever you dig through your
genes right because you’re crushed
finally texted you back and you get that
letter no one likes that letter I swear
to God that even when okay means yes
it’s never a very good yes can you
imagine getting on one knee proposing to
your partner and they say okay
or better yet kay do not marry that
person I I beg you please do not marry
somebody that just is okay right or if
you ask somebody hey are you doing they
say I’m okay you know they’re not
actually okay
okay is meant to be between good and bad
the same as maybe is meant to be between
yes and no everybody who says they might
show up or something never does right
all right so it seems okay isn’t always
a big deal that’s where it gets you that
is exactly why okay is so dangerous okay
does not seem dangerous because the
danger is not immediate much like
procrastination it is off in the future
you don’t have to deal with now you may
not even recognize that you are in okay
and that is where it becomes so
dangerous it takes time for okay to be
destructive and it is destructive
because it takes time right it can also
be incredibly difficult to get out of
because you can so easily fall into it
when you forget to appreciate certain
things in your life and it can be hard
to get out because you may think of
yourself as being over ambitious or
others may perceive you as being
unappreciative I get that one all the
time people would ask me Dane why don’t
you just go work with the family
business in Virgin Gorda why are you
struggling on st. Thomas and as a side
note I was struggling on st. Thomas
I was eating plain rice three times a
day I was hitchhiking to job interviews
and we didn’t own an iron so my roommate
and I would heat up a pan like a cooking
pan and we would use that to get creases
out of our shirts for those job
interviews that we were hit talking to
ya know you get pretty creative when
you’re poor right and I knew just an
island away where all my friends my
family a good job I knew that if I just
went home I would be okay and that
terrified me because I knew okay is all
I would ever be so I chose to get out of
it by being at that point where you have
to make a change where things are bad
enough that you physically cannot
persist with how they’re going so how
might we escape other ways that we can
go being okay well as much as I’ve been
speaking to the destructive capability
of okay the solutions fairly simple we
just have to recognize it we have to
recognize the things in our life that we
are taking for granted or that are
taking for granted us and remind
ourselves it is not okay to be okay
although we also have to recognize that
it’s difficult to find those things
here’s where it gets a little more
complicated bear with me this is dr.
Stephen Laberge
he is a psychologist who specializes in
lucid dreaming now for those of you who
don’t know a lucid dream is one that you
can control which comes from being aware
that you are dreaming
dr. Laberge created a technique known as
mild M IL d pneumonic induction of lucid
dreams and if you’re like me you will
have just learned that mnemonic starts
with an M you’ll also be curious
to know what this technique is so
essentially this technique teaches us to
look at the everyday ordinary things in
our lives while asking ourselves am I
dreaming
so you can kind of think of it as Leo’s
top right and inception it’s used more
or less as a reality check
it’s something that you can look at
getting the half of the Basking am I
dreaming something ordinary that way you
recognize the meant to be ordinary
things and you recognize that you’re
dreaming this is how I propose we escape
okay not with dreaming though dreams are
of course a good way to stay ambitious
but with a reality check we have to look
at the routine things in our lives and
instead of asking am i dreaming we have
to ask am i genuinely satisfied if the
answer is yes are you showing enough
appreciation if the answer is no what
are you doing to change it so let’s look
at your physical health right or your
weight and you ask yourself am i
genuinely satisfied and you decide no
you decide is not something that you are
genuinely satisfied with the follow-up
question is what are you doing to change
it if you are eating better if you’re
beginning to exercise any of that
perfect you are on your path to being
genuinely satisfied you’re trying to get
up here out of okay right if however
you’re not doing anything to change the
situation that you’re in you are okay
with it you are in that state of being
okay even if you say that you are not
okay with your weight if you are not
doing anything to change it you are okay
with it and that’s not okay
now let’s look at a relationship and we
decide yes we are genuinely satisfied
with it the next question is are you
showing it enough appreciation now
remember we are trying to look at the
everyday things the things that
typically go under the radar the things
that we take for granted are you showing
those things in our appreciation your
partner cooking for you picking you up
from work
carrying the groceries anything like
that are you showing that enough
relation and are they recognizing that
you’re pushing it you know you might be
appreciate in your own way but if they
don’t know that you truly appreciate
what they’re doing for you it doesn’t
exactly count if yes if they know that
they’re being appreciated then
congratulations you have a healthy
relationship you’re an adult you gotta
keep up with it but you gotta keep
asking yourself are you showing enough
appreciation if however the answer is no
they might not know that they’re being
appreciated then you’re in that
dangerous realm of okay the area that
can begin to deteriorate your
relationship they can begin to row that
I mean that’s what people mean when they
say somebody grew complacent
right taking another person for granted
is one of the slowest most confusing and
unfortunately one of the most common
ways to ruin a relationship is not okay
to be okay of course I do have to
acknowledge as I’m sure many of you have
already noticed that we haven’t exactly
solved either of our problems here right
it does take effort to be able to keep
up your physical health or maintain a
decent relationship and that can be hard
but what we’re trying to do is recognize
when we are simply settling for
something because that’s where it’s
dangerous as soon as you take away just
how sneaky okay can be as soon as you
get rid of that it’s no longer nearly as
dangerous you have to remind yourself
it is not okay to be okay and it can be
hard to look at your job and say that
you’re not happy to look at you know
anything in your life and realize that
you’re not happy it can be hard to know
that you aren’t happy in a relationship
but I guarantee it is far better than
being okay with it my name is Dane
hunter and I hope you’re not okay
[Applause]
destructive emotion anger alright okay
or perhaps fear jealousy we’ll get to
that one sadness maybe well for all of
these emotions that we’ve brought up
there at least temporary right you can’t
be angry all the time even though some
people might try they’re also of course
unavoidable some would even claim that
they’re necessary for our happiness
khalil gibran in the profit claims that
the self-same well from what your
laughter rises has oftentimes been
filled with your tears and howls can it
be the deeper sorrow carves into your
being the more joy you can contain
essentially what he’s saying here is
that it is the contrast we appreciate
more than anything else we appreciate
the good times because we’ve been
through the bad so with all that in mind
we haven’t quite found it if we look at
a more specific example let’s say a
relationship what would be the most
destructive emotion to a relationship
somebody said jealousy jealousy and
perhaps Envy well jealousy is just the
ugly face of ambition it’s wanting what
another has Envy on the other hand is
rooted in fear it is a fear of losing
something or someone that you have and
while these are not great emotions to
act on granted they do show that you
care if you didn’t care you wouldn’t be
afraid to lose that thing for that
person so what I would like to argue is
that the most destructive emotion we
face is apathy it’s not caring and it’s
hidden in a very dangerous four-letter
word is the idea of being okay and it is
more harmful than you think
let’s say that you’re in a job not one
that you particularly love but the pay
is okay right the benefits are okay
the hours are okay you will end up
waking up 40 or 50 years later in a
rocking chair realizing that you’ve
wasted your entire life that is not okay
or let’s say that you’re in the
relationship not a particularly good one
right you’re honestly subconsciously
just kind of waiting for it to end some
of us may have been there and that
excuse never really comes because the
other person never does anything bad
enough to warrant ending your
relationship so instead of any big
cataclysmic event it’s all the little
things that build up all the things that
you have thus far been okay with and
then everything ends in a mess of just
confusion right and you’ve ended up
losing not only time but potentially a
friendship as well it is not okay to be
okay
okay is so incredibly destructive
because it falls into a limbo between
being genuinely satisfied with where you
are and being in a position where you
need to change if you’re down here I
firmly believe as far better than being
stuck in okay because eventually you do
have to change where you are what you’re
doing right if you’re in okay
that can persist forever you can end up
being stuck in okay not even realize the
danger that’s there and how much harm
it’s causing to you until it has already
caused that harm now another area where
okay is so incredibly destructive is
where it links up to other negative
oceans so let’s look at for example
depression depression is in itself
already awful if you are depressed the
best thing that you can do is get out of
it right so whether that is exercising
calling up your friends playing music
writing if it’s clinical seeing a
psychiatrist getting medication
depression is an awful thing but where
it truly becomes destructive is when you
become ok with it when you decide that
is something that you just have to live
with when you settle for being in a bad
situation
settling is what’s truly doing the harm
now it is important to point out
especially when speaking about
depression that there is a difference
between feeling and being there’s a
difference between feeling depressed and
being depressed one is a more temporary
emotion right that’s just some that you
feel and the other is a more permanent
state of mind much the same with ok
you’re definitely allowed to feel ok
alright that would be strange if
everybody went around all the time only
feeling exaggerated emotions without
that in between greyscale of being ok
right what is harmful is being okay it
is not okay to be okay the mindset not
the temporary feeling right although I’m
also going to argue that I even hate the
word okay whenever you dig through your
genes right because you’re crushed
finally texted you back and you get that
letter no one likes that letter I swear
to God that even when okay means yes
it’s never a very good yes can you
imagine getting on one knee proposing to
your partner and they say okay
or better yet kay do not marry that
person I I beg you please do not marry
somebody that just is okay right or if
you ask somebody hey are you doing they
say I’m okay you know they’re not
actually okay
okay is meant to be between good and bad
the same as maybe is meant to be between
yes and no everybody who says they might
show up or something never does right
all right so it seems okay isn’t always
a big deal that’s where it gets you that
is exactly why okay is so dangerous okay
does not seem dangerous because the
danger is not immediate much like
procrastination it is off in the future
you don’t have to deal with now you may
not even recognize that you are in okay
and that is where it becomes so
dangerous it takes time for okay to be
destructive and it is destructive
because it takes time right it can also
be incredibly difficult to get out of
because you can so easily fall into it
when you forget to appreciate certain
things in your life and it can be hard
to get out because you may think of
yourself as being over ambitious or
others may perceive you as being
unappreciative I get that one all the
time people would ask me Dane why don’t
you just go work with the family
business in Virgin Gorda why are you
struggling on st. Thomas and as a side
note I was struggling on st. Thomas
I was eating plain rice three times a
day I was hitchhiking to job interviews
and we didn’t own an iron so my roommate
and I would heat up a pan like a cooking
pan and we would use that to get creases
out of our shirts for those job
interviews that we were hit talking to
ya know you get pretty creative when
you’re poor right and I knew just an
island away where all my friends my
family a good job I knew that if I just
went home I would be okay and that
terrified me because I knew okay is all
I would ever be so I chose to get out of
it by being at that point where you have
to make a change where things are bad
enough that you physically cannot
persist with how they’re going so how
might we escape other ways that we can
go being okay well as much as I’ve been
speaking to the destructive capability
of okay the solutions fairly simple we
just have to recognize it we have to
recognize the things in our life that we
are taking for granted or that are
taking for granted us and remind
ourselves it is not okay to be okay
although we also have to recognize that
it’s difficult to find those things
here’s where it gets a little more
complicated bear with me this is dr.
Stephen Laberge
he is a psychologist who specializes in
lucid dreaming now for those of you who
don’t know a lucid dream is one that you
can control which comes from being aware
that you are dreaming
dr. Laberge created a technique known as
mild M IL d pneumonic induction of lucid
dreams and if you’re like me you will
have just learned that mnemonic starts
with an M you’ll also be curious
to know what this technique is so
essentially this technique teaches us to
look at the everyday ordinary things in
our lives while asking ourselves am I
dreaming
so you can kind of think of it as Leo’s
top right and inception it’s used more
or less as a reality check
it’s something that you can look at
getting the half of the Basking am I
dreaming something ordinary that way you
recognize the meant to be ordinary
things and you recognize that you’re
dreaming this is how I propose we escape
okay not with dreaming though dreams are
of course a good way to stay ambitious
but with a reality check we have to look
at the routine things in our lives and
instead of asking am i dreaming we have
to ask am i genuinely satisfied if the
answer is yes are you showing enough
appreciation if the answer is no what
are you doing to change it so let’s look
at your physical health right or your
weight and you ask yourself am i
genuinely satisfied and you decide no
you decide is not something that you are
genuinely satisfied with the follow-up
question is what are you doing to change
it if you are eating better if you’re
beginning to exercise any of that
perfect you are on your path to being
genuinely satisfied you’re trying to get
up here out of okay right if however
you’re not doing anything to change the
situation that you’re in you are okay
with it you are in that state of being
okay even if you say that you are not
okay with your weight if you are not
doing anything to change it you are okay
with it and that’s not okay
now let’s look at a relationship and we
decide yes we are genuinely satisfied
with it the next question is are you
showing it enough appreciation now
remember we are trying to look at the
everyday things the things that
typically go under the radar the things
that we take for granted are you showing
those things in our appreciation your
partner cooking for you picking you up
from work
carrying the groceries anything like
that are you showing that enough
relation and are they recognizing that
you’re pushing it you know you might be
appreciate in your own way but if they
don’t know that you truly appreciate
what they’re doing for you it doesn’t
exactly count if yes if they know that
they’re being appreciated then
congratulations you have a healthy
relationship you’re an adult you gotta
keep up with it but you gotta keep
asking yourself are you showing enough
appreciation if however the answer is no
they might not know that they’re being
appreciated then you’re in that
dangerous realm of okay the area that
can begin to deteriorate your
relationship they can begin to row that
I mean that’s what people mean when they
say somebody grew complacent
right taking another person for granted
is one of the slowest most confusing and
unfortunately one of the most common
ways to ruin a relationship is not okay
to be okay of course I do have to
acknowledge as I’m sure many of you have
already noticed that we haven’t exactly
solved either of our problems here right
it does take effort to be able to keep
up your physical health or maintain a
decent relationship and that can be hard
but what we’re trying to do is recognize
when we are simply settling for
something because that’s where it’s
dangerous as soon as you take away just
how sneaky okay can be as soon as you
get rid of that it’s no longer nearly as
dangerous you have to remind yourself
it is not okay to be okay and it can be
hard to look at your job and say that
you’re not happy to look at you know
anything in your life and realize that
you’re not happy it can be hard to know
that you aren’t happy in a relationship
but I guarantee it is far better than
being okay with it my name is Dane
hunter and I hope you’re not okay
[Applause]
Please follow and like us: