when everybody made a facebook in the
6th grade we were all told don’t post
anything online that you didn’t want
your grandmother to read you guys told
something like that before
that’s what I was told until 2015 I made
a post that I was very sure I did not
want my grandmother to read so I went on
Facebook before I made the post and I
blocked her why she has a Facebook I
don’t know but she does and she uses it
so I blocked her and I told all of my
friends who were friends with her not to
tell her about my post the reason for
that is my grandmother is a conservative
Catholic Korean immigrant and my
facebook post was telling the world my
friends my world that I am transgender
you can see why I might be a little bit
nervous but I did want to tell her I
really did want her to know about me and
so I a ganache for about a month trying
to figure out how to tell her I decided
the writing her letter would be the best
way there was a lot of balled up
versions in the trash a lot of time that
went into this and it was a lot more
complicated than I expected it to be
because remember I said she’s a Korean
immigrant she doesn’t speak English but
there’s a bit of a language barrier
there the word for a transgender is to
dance ooh Genta
the word for gay for example is gayi so
translation wasn’t really gonna help me
out so I really had to break it down in
the letter I explained what it meant to
be transgender I explained that I am
transgender and I gave some evidence as
to why and i ended with saying i’m just
me just trying to be happy and i just
want you to know and i hope that you can
understand and i love you dearly on the
day that i went to talk to tell her to
read this letter to her i brought my mom
and i was super super nervous I thought
that this was this might be the last
time I ever spoke to my grandmother we
were sure that this was me filled with
resentment with disappointment maybe
some yelling sat down at the table my
grandmother my ground
father my mom next to me and I read them
a letter
I ended with I love you Skyler and my
grandfather started clapping he said so
you’re coming out of the closet it was
like yeah so surprised that he even had
the terminology to explain what I had
just done I had struggled with the
language to explain what I was doing and
my grandmother she looks at me and she
says I knew that excuse me she says I
knew that and I said I mean I didn’t
know that how did you know that and she
said okay so now I have two grandsons
from your mother that’s fine I have a
younger brother and my mom and I are
both in tears at this point where we’re
so amazed at what we’re hearing when she
says okay so you can be a boy you can be
a man you can be a husband I’m like whoa
slow down you can be a brother but I’m
thinking okay there’s the but I was
waiting for but in Korean culture
daughters take care of their parents
your mother has no more daughters it is
still your duty Skyler to take care of
your parents I said okay how many I can
do that and that was actually such an
important moment for me that I got those
words boom oh hello take care of your
parents tattooed underneath my
mastectomy scar in my grandmother’s
handwriting she does know about it as my
sort of eternal vow to my origins to my
parents to my grandparents following
this I was super relieved I thought that
was the last person I was gonna come out
to you know come out on Facebook it must
be everybody right turns out I was wrong
because in the fall of 2015 I became the
first transgender athlete to compete for
any division 1 men’s college team my
story went viral as a result
the news and in the media and I made a
very conscious decision to be open about
my journey to share myself because as a
kid I never saw people like me in the
media and more importantly in athletics
and I wanted kids like me to see
somebody like them in media in athletics
media led to talk shows which led to me
giving speeches at schools universities
banks for some reason conferences and
before every single speech I asked my
dad he’s sort of my media liaison my
speech consultant and I asked him why
why do they care about what I have to
say sometimes it makes sense right I’m
talking to a bunch of trans people or
swimmers and I’m trans and I’m a swimmer
but sometimes I’m talking to a random
high school in Steamboat Springs
Colorado what does the average
fifteen-year-old kid sitting in math
class care about what I have to say or
I’m talking in a bank in Boston I’m a
psychology major I know nothing about
finance what are they going to connect
to or the most mind-boggling to me a
conference in Indiana talking to a bunch
of white evangelical Christian men and
I’m thinking to myself there is nothing
about me that overlaps with you but
without fail every single time something
connects somebody comes up afterwards
and says to me hey I see you I felt that
I’ve done that too that helped me
something it just it strikes me every
single time our common humanity that we
are able to find together and I wonder
why how how are we able to find that I
think about it can’t be my identity
right not everybody is trans most people
aren’t not everybody is a competitive
athlete not everybody’s mixed race comes
from the same background as me what is
it what connects and I realize that it’s
about challenge more importantly it’s
about overcoming challenge goals
everybody has goals they’re getting to
and they don’t have goals they have
part of our common humanity is about
finding community in challenge in high
school I learned a lot about facing
challenges specifically through some
practice I was on one of the best teams
in the country in high school we were
the national champions at the time and
we were known for a grueling practices
they were super long and super hard and
the coach would write out the entire
workout on the whiteboard and we look at
it and read it and do it when sometimes
we’d sit there and look at the workout
and think there’s no way we can’t do
that
that’s absolutely ridiculous that’s too
much too hard too long we can’t do that
then he would say all right everybody
ready go and we would all push off the
wall and do the set every time we just
did it I remember my first day at that
at that team before I had kind of
assimilated myself into this into this
practice mentality and we’d already done
two hours of racing which is longer than
any practice I’d done before then and he
wrote the last set on the board it was
30 repeats of a 100-yard race maximum
effort for another hour over we’ve
already swum for two hours and I’m
looking at the set thing I’ve got to be
misunderstanding the way he wrote that
there is no way I’m reading that right
but he reads it exactly as I thought it
was and before I can even catch my
breath from the last two hours of work
he says ready go and everybody pushed us
off the wall and I think oh my god and I
go – and we all do one of those repeats
one of those races and I got done with
the first one I thought me so I thought
to myself thank God I caught one done
you know I didn’t even think I could do
one awesome but before he can even can
be proud of myself
he says ready go and we’ve got to do
another one now we’ve done two of 30 I’m
thinking there’s no way I can finish
this set there’s no way I can do this
but he just keeps saying ready go and I
just keep doing one more come on I can
just do one more Scott one more one more
and somewhere around 15 which is kind of
a lot there’s only half way I think oh
my god I can’t even do one more
there’s no way so I tell myself okay get
across the pool you can do one length so
one length one life becomes one repeat
and somewhere around 26 27 a length
feels impossible
– so I say okay one stroke I can always
take one more stroke just one more
stroke and one more stroke and one more
stroke became one repeat one length one
length became one race another race and
out of the race and I finished the set
31 hundreds and I was so proud of myself
everybody else is like yeah what’s for
dinner you know they’re ready to go and
I’m like oh I just did three hours of
racing and that was how I finished every
single practice in high school that was
how we became national champions that’s
how we set national AG records that’s
how I got recruited to swim in college
it was probably the most important thing
that I ever learned in high school and
it’s how I approach everything that is
difficult in my life today and what I
realized is that success isn’t about
winning success is about continuously
not giving up this past year was also
pretty difficult for me I began the
season with three torn ligaments in my
shoulder it’s a pretty tough injury for
a swimmer to have the doctors all said
you probably should stop swimming we
don’t think that it’s good for you
should you should stop and get surgery
my trainer was even hesitant to let me
get into the pool to practice with my
team my coach said Skylar what do you
want to do and I said I want to swim
I’ve worked too hard to get to where I
am today this is not gonna stop me I
want to swim he said okay let’s figure
it out then and it’s not like we sat
there and devised the plan for the
entire season
we figured out how I could finish one
practice one set one stroke and one
stroke at a time it became February
February is championship season that’s
where you show what you’ve got and I was
super excited to get up there on the
blocks and race my whole front all my
family and my friends were there I was
gonna have a little bit of a break
afterwards let my shoulder rest
I was excited about but I was also
terrified in warmup I felt awful I felt
heavy
I felt sluggish
I was missing every single one of my
turns I had this twisting sick feeling
in my gut but said what if I fail what
if I get last what if I don’t even beat
my old times from high school what if I
don’t I’m an embarrassment what if I
failed what if I fail and I caught
myself I can’t control that what I can
control what I do know is I’m gonna get
up on that block the starter is gonna
say take your mark
Boop and I’m gonna do a dive when I
enter the water I’m gonna do a pullout
when I hit the surface I’m gonna take a
stroke and we take another stroke and
another and till I get to the other side
of the pool and we do that again and
again and again until I finished my
first race so that’s exactly what I did
one stroke at a time I finished my first
race and one stroke at a time I finished
my second race and my third and by the
end of the meet I had some three best
times three personal records and I was
ecstatic I had spent the whole season
not even knowing if I could swim much
less competes much less do best times
and I probably had the best meet of my
life and beyond that people had had very
low expectations of me as a trans person
competing against other men and I had
not only competed against other man I
had beat another man that’s pretty cool
when I started at Harvard I told myself
you know what don’t get last just don’t
get last and not only in this meet did I
not get last but my best times put me in
the top half of the entire division one
for all of the swimmers in my event I
was really excited just based on my
athletic performance when the meet was
over I sat down at the edge of the pool
and I watched my team warm down I had an
ice pack on my shoulder physics hurting
and I sat there watching my team and one
of the guys stopped as he was warming
down and he said hey man that was a
really great meet I’m really proud of
you that was an awesome race I was like
thank you so much that’s all like they
I just I was beaming I’m so happy I
thought to myself this is this is my
pool this is my sport this is my team
and I realized in that moment sitting by
the pool that I was also crying then it
felt a lot like when I had cried at the
unexpected acceptance of my grandmother
I wondered why what was similar why was
I crying and I realized it wasn’t
because of this one moment because of
the best times or because of that
permission for my grandmother you can be
a man but it was every single thing that
brought me to that moment it was every
single time I had failed every single
time that I had not thought that I could
get through a practice but I tried
anyways it was every single time I
decided to take one more stroke but I’m
sitting there remember by the pool
watching my team warm down and I realize
it’s because of the team – I’m here
because of them – I’m here because in
the middle of the season I failed
miserably at one of our meets and one of
my teammates come up to me and he said
Skylar he picked me up you are gonna
kill it at the end of the season and you
know what after my race at my final meet
he was the one the first one who’s
they’re giving me a huge hug and he said
Skylar you did it I’m here because of
him I’m here because I can hear every
single time I get up on the starting
block my dad’s whistle saying go Skylar
the beginning every single race I race
whether or not he’s there I’m here
because I’m here my mom in the back of
every single video of me swing saying go
baby go go baby go go here we go even
though I cringe when I hear it it still
fills me with love and support so while
I’m here because of my own decision to
take one more stroke always I am also
here because of every single person who
ever chose to share their common
humanity with me and give me strength
I am here because every single person
who has ever told me
but they love me so whether you’re the
person who’s in the water taking one
more stroke or you’re the person in the
stands the parent the teacher the coach
the ally the grandmother you have to
take one more stroke and you have to
keep taking one more stroke and one more
stroke and one more stroke until you’re
sitting on the edge of your pool
watching your team warm down having just
had the best meet of your life with
tears in your eyes thinking this now
this is the life that I want to live
thank you [Applause]
6th grade we were all told don’t post
anything online that you didn’t want
your grandmother to read you guys told
something like that before
that’s what I was told until 2015 I made
a post that I was very sure I did not
want my grandmother to read so I went on
Facebook before I made the post and I
blocked her why she has a Facebook I
don’t know but she does and she uses it
so I blocked her and I told all of my
friends who were friends with her not to
tell her about my post the reason for
that is my grandmother is a conservative
Catholic Korean immigrant and my
facebook post was telling the world my
friends my world that I am transgender
you can see why I might be a little bit
nervous but I did want to tell her I
really did want her to know about me and
so I a ganache for about a month trying
to figure out how to tell her I decided
the writing her letter would be the best
way there was a lot of balled up
versions in the trash a lot of time that
went into this and it was a lot more
complicated than I expected it to be
because remember I said she’s a Korean
immigrant she doesn’t speak English but
there’s a bit of a language barrier
there the word for a transgender is to
dance ooh Genta
the word for gay for example is gayi so
translation wasn’t really gonna help me
out so I really had to break it down in
the letter I explained what it meant to
be transgender I explained that I am
transgender and I gave some evidence as
to why and i ended with saying i’m just
me just trying to be happy and i just
want you to know and i hope that you can
understand and i love you dearly on the
day that i went to talk to tell her to
read this letter to her i brought my mom
and i was super super nervous I thought
that this was this might be the last
time I ever spoke to my grandmother we
were sure that this was me filled with
resentment with disappointment maybe
some yelling sat down at the table my
grandmother my ground
father my mom next to me and I read them
a letter
I ended with I love you Skyler and my
grandfather started clapping he said so
you’re coming out of the closet it was
like yeah so surprised that he even had
the terminology to explain what I had
just done I had struggled with the
language to explain what I was doing and
my grandmother she looks at me and she
says I knew that excuse me she says I
knew that and I said I mean I didn’t
know that how did you know that and she
said okay so now I have two grandsons
from your mother that’s fine I have a
younger brother and my mom and I are
both in tears at this point where we’re
so amazed at what we’re hearing when she
says okay so you can be a boy you can be
a man you can be a husband I’m like whoa
slow down you can be a brother but I’m
thinking okay there’s the but I was
waiting for but in Korean culture
daughters take care of their parents
your mother has no more daughters it is
still your duty Skyler to take care of
your parents I said okay how many I can
do that and that was actually such an
important moment for me that I got those
words boom oh hello take care of your
parents tattooed underneath my
mastectomy scar in my grandmother’s
handwriting she does know about it as my
sort of eternal vow to my origins to my
parents to my grandparents following
this I was super relieved I thought that
was the last person I was gonna come out
to you know come out on Facebook it must
be everybody right turns out I was wrong
because in the fall of 2015 I became the
first transgender athlete to compete for
any division 1 men’s college team my
story went viral as a result
the news and in the media and I made a
very conscious decision to be open about
my journey to share myself because as a
kid I never saw people like me in the
media and more importantly in athletics
and I wanted kids like me to see
somebody like them in media in athletics
media led to talk shows which led to me
giving speeches at schools universities
banks for some reason conferences and
before every single speech I asked my
dad he’s sort of my media liaison my
speech consultant and I asked him why
why do they care about what I have to
say sometimes it makes sense right I’m
talking to a bunch of trans people or
swimmers and I’m trans and I’m a swimmer
but sometimes I’m talking to a random
high school in Steamboat Springs
Colorado what does the average
fifteen-year-old kid sitting in math
class care about what I have to say or
I’m talking in a bank in Boston I’m a
psychology major I know nothing about
finance what are they going to connect
to or the most mind-boggling to me a
conference in Indiana talking to a bunch
of white evangelical Christian men and
I’m thinking to myself there is nothing
about me that overlaps with you but
without fail every single time something
connects somebody comes up afterwards
and says to me hey I see you I felt that
I’ve done that too that helped me
something it just it strikes me every
single time our common humanity that we
are able to find together and I wonder
why how how are we able to find that I
think about it can’t be my identity
right not everybody is trans most people
aren’t not everybody is a competitive
athlete not everybody’s mixed race comes
from the same background as me what is
it what connects and I realize that it’s
about challenge more importantly it’s
about overcoming challenge goals
everybody has goals they’re getting to
and they don’t have goals they have
part of our common humanity is about
finding community in challenge in high
school I learned a lot about facing
challenges specifically through some
practice I was on one of the best teams
in the country in high school we were
the national champions at the time and
we were known for a grueling practices
they were super long and super hard and
the coach would write out the entire
workout on the whiteboard and we look at
it and read it and do it when sometimes
we’d sit there and look at the workout
and think there’s no way we can’t do
that
that’s absolutely ridiculous that’s too
much too hard too long we can’t do that
then he would say all right everybody
ready go and we would all push off the
wall and do the set every time we just
did it I remember my first day at that
at that team before I had kind of
assimilated myself into this into this
practice mentality and we’d already done
two hours of racing which is longer than
any practice I’d done before then and he
wrote the last set on the board it was
30 repeats of a 100-yard race maximum
effort for another hour over we’ve
already swum for two hours and I’m
looking at the set thing I’ve got to be
misunderstanding the way he wrote that
there is no way I’m reading that right
but he reads it exactly as I thought it
was and before I can even catch my
breath from the last two hours of work
he says ready go and everybody pushed us
off the wall and I think oh my god and I
go – and we all do one of those repeats
one of those races and I got done with
the first one I thought me so I thought
to myself thank God I caught one done
you know I didn’t even think I could do
one awesome but before he can even can
be proud of myself
he says ready go and we’ve got to do
another one now we’ve done two of 30 I’m
thinking there’s no way I can finish
this set there’s no way I can do this
but he just keeps saying ready go and I
just keep doing one more come on I can
just do one more Scott one more one more
and somewhere around 15 which is kind of
a lot there’s only half way I think oh
my god I can’t even do one more
there’s no way so I tell myself okay get
across the pool you can do one length so
one length one life becomes one repeat
and somewhere around 26 27 a length
feels impossible
– so I say okay one stroke I can always
take one more stroke just one more
stroke and one more stroke and one more
stroke became one repeat one length one
length became one race another race and
out of the race and I finished the set
31 hundreds and I was so proud of myself
everybody else is like yeah what’s for
dinner you know they’re ready to go and
I’m like oh I just did three hours of
racing and that was how I finished every
single practice in high school that was
how we became national champions that’s
how we set national AG records that’s
how I got recruited to swim in college
it was probably the most important thing
that I ever learned in high school and
it’s how I approach everything that is
difficult in my life today and what I
realized is that success isn’t about
winning success is about continuously
not giving up this past year was also
pretty difficult for me I began the
season with three torn ligaments in my
shoulder it’s a pretty tough injury for
a swimmer to have the doctors all said
you probably should stop swimming we
don’t think that it’s good for you
should you should stop and get surgery
my trainer was even hesitant to let me
get into the pool to practice with my
team my coach said Skylar what do you
want to do and I said I want to swim
I’ve worked too hard to get to where I
am today this is not gonna stop me I
want to swim he said okay let’s figure
it out then and it’s not like we sat
there and devised the plan for the
entire season
we figured out how I could finish one
practice one set one stroke and one
stroke at a time it became February
February is championship season that’s
where you show what you’ve got and I was
super excited to get up there on the
blocks and race my whole front all my
family and my friends were there I was
gonna have a little bit of a break
afterwards let my shoulder rest
I was excited about but I was also
terrified in warmup I felt awful I felt
heavy
I felt sluggish
I was missing every single one of my
turns I had this twisting sick feeling
in my gut but said what if I fail what
if I get last what if I don’t even beat
my old times from high school what if I
don’t I’m an embarrassment what if I
failed what if I fail and I caught
myself I can’t control that what I can
control what I do know is I’m gonna get
up on that block the starter is gonna
say take your mark
Boop and I’m gonna do a dive when I
enter the water I’m gonna do a pullout
when I hit the surface I’m gonna take a
stroke and we take another stroke and
another and till I get to the other side
of the pool and we do that again and
again and again until I finished my
first race so that’s exactly what I did
one stroke at a time I finished my first
race and one stroke at a time I finished
my second race and my third and by the
end of the meet I had some three best
times three personal records and I was
ecstatic I had spent the whole season
not even knowing if I could swim much
less competes much less do best times
and I probably had the best meet of my
life and beyond that people had had very
low expectations of me as a trans person
competing against other men and I had
not only competed against other man I
had beat another man that’s pretty cool
when I started at Harvard I told myself
you know what don’t get last just don’t
get last and not only in this meet did I
not get last but my best times put me in
the top half of the entire division one
for all of the swimmers in my event I
was really excited just based on my
athletic performance when the meet was
over I sat down at the edge of the pool
and I watched my team warm down I had an
ice pack on my shoulder physics hurting
and I sat there watching my team and one
of the guys stopped as he was warming
down and he said hey man that was a
really great meet I’m really proud of
you that was an awesome race I was like
thank you so much that’s all like they
I just I was beaming I’m so happy I
thought to myself this is this is my
pool this is my sport this is my team
and I realized in that moment sitting by
the pool that I was also crying then it
felt a lot like when I had cried at the
unexpected acceptance of my grandmother
I wondered why what was similar why was
I crying and I realized it wasn’t
because of this one moment because of
the best times or because of that
permission for my grandmother you can be
a man but it was every single thing that
brought me to that moment it was every
single time I had failed every single
time that I had not thought that I could
get through a practice but I tried
anyways it was every single time I
decided to take one more stroke but I’m
sitting there remember by the pool
watching my team warm down and I realize
it’s because of the team – I’m here
because of them – I’m here because in
the middle of the season I failed
miserably at one of our meets and one of
my teammates come up to me and he said
Skylar he picked me up you are gonna
kill it at the end of the season and you
know what after my race at my final meet
he was the one the first one who’s
they’re giving me a huge hug and he said
Skylar you did it I’m here because of
him I’m here because I can hear every
single time I get up on the starting
block my dad’s whistle saying go Skylar
the beginning every single race I race
whether or not he’s there I’m here
because I’m here my mom in the back of
every single video of me swing saying go
baby go go baby go go here we go even
though I cringe when I hear it it still
fills me with love and support so while
I’m here because of my own decision to
take one more stroke always I am also
here because of every single person who
ever chose to share their common
humanity with me and give me strength
I am here because every single person
who has ever told me
but they love me so whether you’re the
person who’s in the water taking one
more stroke or you’re the person in the
stands the parent the teacher the coach
the ally the grandmother you have to
take one more stroke and you have to
keep taking one more stroke and one more
stroke and one more stroke until you’re
sitting on the edge of your pool
watching your team warm down having just
had the best meet of your life with
tears in your eyes thinking this now
this is the life that I want to live
thank you [Applause]
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