how’s everyone doing good do we have any
runners in the building if that’s a fair
amount um this is an image of me running
along the shoulder of a highway in rural
there’s this huge thunderstorm brewing
kind of in every direction around me and
I was afraid I still had a full half
marathon 21.1 km/h run at least half of
it in this dark unfamiliar place and I
was afraid because I was a little
unprepared for this run and I was only
wearing shorts and a t-shirt and I
hadn’t checked the weather so it was
going to be wet and it was going to be
cold that’s never fun and I was afraid
because I was sure that this is going to
be the run where I would get injured and
have to abandon the goal that I was
after which you just heard was running
10 half marathons coast to coast across
Canada 10 different cities in the span
of 30 days now I’ll give you a little
bit of background information on me so
I’m 26 years old and I live with
depression and pretty severe generalized
anxiety there have been times in my life
and sometimes there still are moments
where waking up and getting out of bed
in the morning is actually a real
challenge we’re out of nowhere i’ll wake
up and just feel like there’s this huge
rock in the pit of my stomach that’s
completely unexplainable and I just feel
like curling up and doing nothing and
there have been times when all I would
look forward to at the end of the day
was going to sleep crawling into bed and
trying to forget about everything and I
knew that something was going wrong when
even that got difficult when I was
waking up almost every night with a
severe panic attack
back and just everything was changing
from position where I would I wasn’t
able to be the happy outgoing person
that I thought I could be so what I
wanted to do is make a change and I i
discovered that i needed to do this
after one night when i woke up in this
severe panic attack and i was convinced
that i was having a heart attack i don’t
know if anyone here is how to panic
attack before but my chest felt tight I
was sweating I was kind of hysterical
there were a million thoughts zipping
through my head I couldn’t grasp onto
any of them having trouble breathing
this was the physical manifestation of
my anxiety in the form of a panic attack
and I remembered that in that moment
after months of feeling this way of
feeling in such a dark spot I was almost
ready for that heart attack to kill me
and I remember that night I got out of
bed and I walked to my front door in my
one-bedroom apartment here in Toronto
and I was alone and I unlocked the front
door doing it because I didn’t in that
moment I didn’t want any paramedics or
my family to have to break down the door
when they would come and get my body and
that was the real thought process that
was going on in my head it wasn’t let’s
embrace this vulnerability this moment
of weakness and asked for help I just
unlocked the door went back to my bed
curled up sweating still hysterical
until I finally fell asleep I knew that
the next day or shortly thereafter that
something had to change I knew that I
didn’t want to feel this way anymore and
I needed a strategy to work toward a
better mental health space it did what
probably any young person does these
days when it comes to really difficult
topics
and maybe not wanting to admit that
there’s something wrong I instantly have
whipped open my laptop and I started
searching for strategies to alleviate a
little a little bit of the the the
mental health struggles that I was going
through so that’s where I discovered
running there are a lot of benefits for
mental health when it comes to physical
activity apart from you know releasing
endorphins and being that natural mood
booster as well as you know just
building up your overall physical
strength for me running became this
place where I could be comfortable with
my thoughts we’re in moments of weakness
and when I would have those parts of my
life that were just so overwhelmed by
anxiety running became a meditative
experience where it was the exact
opposite of those uneasy stillness
moments because for me when I would just
be sitting there and thinking about
everything that was going wrong in my
life I would just collapse in on myself
and I think that running also became
just this accessible strategy right all
it took was picking a goal putting on my
shoes and heading outside I think that I
was drawn to it having never run before
this because it seemed like a strategy
where I wouldn’t have to admit to myself
were the people around me that there was
something wrong I didn’t have to go to a
therapist or take any medication I was
still kind of blocking it out running
has helped me overcome many of my mental
health obstacles and I’ve gone from
place where I started you know just
running around the block and I saw the
great benefits that it was giving me was
give me a clearer head space I was able
to think through some of the things that
you know we’re really troubling me
worked up to being able to do five
kilometres and then 10 kilometres and
then eventually half marathon and the
feeling of my half first half marathon
was amazing I don’t know if anyone here
has ever run a half marathon but moving
your
body 21.1 kilometers a lot of the time
you look like you just got hit by a bus
but it’s a fantastic feeling so as a
video producer that’s what I wanted to
do or that’s why I started running to
wellness which is a campaign where all I
wanted to do was change the narrative
around mental health I think a lot of
the time the media that’s produced
around it even if it has a very positive
message is still somewhat victimizing
where it places people who are suffering
from mental illness and other people in
different categories where I think we
can you know put those two people
together the two groups together and do
something that would be purely
inspirational I think that mental health
can a lot of the time especially for my
own self be completely immobilizing so
it was about having that physical goal
of moving my body so 211 kilometers in
the span of 30 days and so we started
run to wellness with the goal of
changing the narrative but it also
helped me realize a lot about myself and
when it comes to distance running 25% of
it is physical it’s the having enough
cardio to be able to run for a couple of
hours and not have to stop and it’s
seventy-five percent the mental strength
that it takes it’s about not giving up
when your feet are swollen your legs are
aching and everything is telling you to
quit this is an image of me about five
kilometers into that stormy Winnipeg run
the lightning bolt has got it gotten
progressively closer to me and this is
an image about 30 seconds after that in
the back of our campaigns follow car and
wildly trying to google an article that
would recommend running in a lightning
storm in the mill the prairies when
I’m one of the tallest things for
several kilometers in any direction
spoiler alert there are 0 articles that
will recommend lady running in a
lightning storm but in this moment this
is me sitting there completely enveloped
in the fear of and having this voice in
my head saying you should use this as
this roadblock as an excuse to give up
and there was this real roadblock right
I was trying to outrun a lightning storm
but the results of this voice in my head
is saying you’re fairly accomplished
you’ve run for half marathons already
which was more running that I had ever
done before in my life why not go back
to the hotel curl up in bed and forget
about everything this moment was testing
and proving to myself my resilience it
only took about 25 minutes of sitting in
that car for me sitting in that fear to
have the Sun start to set into this
beautiful sunset and the rain to let up
a little bit and the lightning to move
in a direction that I wasn’t going I let
myself feel that fear and I acknowledged
that my vulnerability was something that
was causing me in this moment and others
a lot of anguish but I didn’t let it
control me and I think vulnerability is
something that is very rarely discussed
but it’s something that everyone feels
it’s something that everyone can connect
with and I’ve noticed that when you show
vulnerability you give yourself the
opportunity to build such amazing
strength you should always think of
weaknesses don’t disregard your
weaknesses acknowledge them when you
have the right perspective a weakness
will always be temporary for me learning
to be comfortable with my mental health
and talking about it depression and
anxiety are two things that can often be
seen as weaknesses but what
I wanted to do what I wanted to prove by
running 10 half marathons was I can do
this because of my mental health this is
the strategy that I use to cope with
depression and anxiety but depression
and anxiety are not going to stop me
from moving so the Sun continued to set
and I had a lot of sweat on my back this
is me at the end of the Winnipeg run I
finished it it was about four hours
after finishing it and I have this huge
smile on my face now if you were to look
at my run on paper the time would look
awful right stopped several times
especially in the center there for 25
plus minutes it was cold it was wet it
was tired if anyone looked at my pace
they would say this is a terrible run
but I think that this is one of my most
triumphant runs and one that I look back
on fondly just because it proves to
myself my resilience I do look like I
just got hit by a bus but those are the
moments where you really can show what
you’re made of and I think that you
should never hide parts of you that
cause you the part you should never hide
parts of you that are maybe difficult to
discuss or maybe things that are
uncomfortable to discuss for the longest
time when I was training for this
campaign I used social media to share my
best results my progress that I was
making but for the longest time I never
told people while I was running I used
it kind of as an armor the running as a
way to show my strength even though on
the inside I was still feeling Silvan
and I think an important lesson too is
that you should always give yourself the
time that you need to embrace your
vulnerability it’s not something that
you can walk out the door and today snap
your fingers and change you have to both
want to share but also feel very
comfortable in that moment because
there’s no sense in doing something
running is the strategy that I use to
cope with my mental illness but it might
look completely different for other
people when I asked at the beginning of
this talk how many people are runners in
here there may be you know ten percent
of you so runnings not going to be the
strategy that will help everyone but it
will help it does it has helped me it’s
more so about finding the strategy that
will give you those small senses sense
of accomplishment the times when when
everything is difficult you have that
one thing that can help push you forward
for me with running every step is a step
away from depression and anxiety to step
away from the panic attacks it’s a step
away from that cloudiness that’s in my
mind find that strategy that works for
you and if you’re suffering from
depression or anxiety right now know
that that cloud will pass and let
yourself feel the fear of acknowledging
that there’s something wrong and let
yourself feel the fear of the journey it
might take to get better let yourself
feel the fear of being vulnerable thank
you you