[Applause]
hi I I arrived in Kazakhstan in 2011 and
my first experience with the local
culture was with the taxi driver so I
enter in the taxi and even though the
guy didn’t speak English we were able to
sort some small talk so he started
asking me where are you from and ant I’m
from Italy how old are you and at the
time I was 26 and then he asked as a
third question so I guess in order
priority are you married
and I casually answer no I’m not married
the reaction of the taxi driver despite
I couldn’t understand Russian it was
very interesting for me because it was
kind of upset you know it was like what
do you mean you’re 26 you’re not married
big problem you know like I could
understand problema and and like and the
reaction again was showing me that he
was disappointed with me
I even had a funny thought that maybe he
was going to stop a car and you know
find a random guy and bring us to the
registration joke aside them I’ve been
here six years and I noticed that this
was not the last time that a taxi driver
was going to ask me this kind of
question been in Kazakhstan and be over
25 years old is not so funny you as a
woman as a boy as a man have a very
heavy pressure from society you need to
get married as soon as possible and to
fulfill the standard
so you could make your family happy
your coworker happy and maybe the taxi
driver from my perspective many girls
not everyone but many girls get married
so you can claim to the society that you
were chosen that you are following the
standards of this society um but then
sorry you look at the statistic and what
you see is that in Kazakhstan every
third couple is getting a divorce
another standards that I notice women
has to fulfill in this society is
virginity you need to be virgin to be
chosen by your future husband and I also
heard that now there is a very good
business going on because you can
restore their genius only you can still
play the game but what I want to say
about the virginity is that doesn’t
matter if you’re pretty it doesn’t
matter if you’re educated abroad it
doesn’t matter if you are funny if
you’re not virgin you are not able to be
part of this game where I come from in
Italy as you know we have the Pope we
have the church were also very religion
country virginity is not a sacred issue
a woman that is not virgin is not
treated as a prostitute a woman that has
experience it’s just you know a woman
with experience and what I noticed and
what I feel is that maybe that’s why
Italian girls are a little bit more
confident of many other girls in the
local society and then what happened
then you get married because you had to
and you’re sharing this married life
with your husband which is a new person
under the same roof you know like you
before you you were doing something like
movie and dating and now you’re under
the same roof and you actually know him
deeply and what you notice is that
something is missing what is missing is
common goals common vision I’m not
talking about interested because a
healthy couple can have different
interest but what you should make sure
before getting married is that you have
a common vision means what it means that
if you want to be a successful lawyer
you need to make sure that your husband
after you get married will not tell you
to stay home raising nine kids and
prepare food for the visitors that are
coming from other town you want to be
sure that your husband likes to go out
or like it’s like to sit home and play
video games and you have to have you
know a social life
this will not be armful afterwards
because things will not change after you
get married things will stay the same so
whoever you are before the marriage is
not going to come and be sorted out
afterwards so you want to be sure that
the person that you’re gonna share the
life width is going to be the same one
that is sharing your same vision because
if this doesn’t happen you know again
what happened divorce
unhappy woman miserable couples another
thing that I noticed is that sometimes
you are not getting married only with
your husband but you’re adding your
parents hot so let me tell you getting
married is very hard because you are you
know sharing time with another human
being
another had another brain another you
know Abbot’s adding relatives on this
couple it’s a horror movie
I have been witness of situation when a
woman would get married with the husband
like a couple and their husband will
tell her my mother is visiting us for a
couple of months then she would ask
after a couple of months so she’s living
and the husband would get very mad mad
with her because you would think that
she doesn’t like the mother-in-law so
this is like you know this is again
something that creates unhappy woman and
creates again fights and creates divorce
again so the consequence of this are
pretty clear and me my husband which is
here today we got married in 2014 and
when I come back in Kazakhstan because
we got married in Istanbul I was you
know very proud of myself so I went out
on the street I put my hands out and I’m
waiting for the taxi driver so I’m there
and say come on I’m ready for you you
know so the taxi driver stopped I
entered in the car and I’m like having
an evil smile because I know you know so
it’s like Viet khuda I like I’m from
Italy and then they all have the same
you know priority and say how old are
you I’m 29
are you married yes wait it’s not good
and many girls like do you have kids no
no I don’t have kids you know like I was
almost happy that I fulfilled the
standards but then again I failed but
this was even worst you know guys
because the this timing was harder for
me
you start asking me very personal
question why you don’t have kids
you’re 29 you’re old do you know that
maybe your kids if you’re gonna have one
they’re not gonna be healthy and I’m
thinking maybe he’s gonna have three
eyes I don’t know why it’s not gonna be
healthy maybe you have some problem with
your you know reproduction equipment
maybe your husband is not good
once I even experienced a taxi driver
who told me if I were your husband I
would have made you pregnant from the
first night until I finish and I decide
that you are enough this was a real
violence for me it was a very moral
violence and I think nobody should ask
you when where are your kids because the
reason can be so many you know you can
have some problem you want to wait maybe
you you know you want to focus on your
career but why should I feel inadequate
in this society because I don’t have
kids why I cannot wait
when is my time to have kids and then
let’s forget for a minute about the taxi
driver you need to have babies
you need to make boys because you have
girls then again is another problem you
know you need to make your husband your
family your relative proud of you but
what if you don’t want to have kids what
if you don’t want to make this decision
now and wait to focus on your career
what if I want to travel and enjoy life
again why should I feel inadequate
making kids is not about what other
people wants and then when I see I see
many girls feeling not matching the
circle of their friends because all
other girlfriends are 25 with three kids
and you know you think maybe I’m wrong
and you think that you need to follow
the rules and you have to make kids as
soon as possible but let me tell you be
a mother is not what other people wish
or what your girlfriends are doing
surrounding you babies are not an
accessories babies are not a object that
you leave to your mother or to your
nannies because you got a divorce and
then you need to find another husband
maybe babies are not something that you
do to keep your husband tied to you kids
are a result of a happy relationship and
kids should live in an environment made
of two parents so what can I say after
all I have noticed so far in this
country that we could drop the number of
divorce
we could have confidence woman
successful in their business and success
successful in their private life we
could have more babies with two parents
how to do this listen to yourself
and there’s what you want look at their
culture take a gap here live abroad we
are living nowadays in a time where
everything is accessible our world is
not the same of 50 years ago
there is no border everybody can access
to anybody else so if you want to have
kids when you’re young do it if you want
to wait do it the only question that I
suggest you to ask yourself is do I want
this now today thank you
[Applause]
hi I I arrived in Kazakhstan in 2011 and
my first experience with the local
culture was with the taxi driver so I
enter in the taxi and even though the
guy didn’t speak English we were able to
sort some small talk so he started
asking me where are you from and ant I’m
from Italy how old are you and at the
time I was 26 and then he asked as a
third question so I guess in order
priority are you married
and I casually answer no I’m not married
the reaction of the taxi driver despite
I couldn’t understand Russian it was
very interesting for me because it was
kind of upset you know it was like what
do you mean you’re 26 you’re not married
big problem you know like I could
understand problema and and like and the
reaction again was showing me that he
was disappointed with me
I even had a funny thought that maybe he
was going to stop a car and you know
find a random guy and bring us to the
registration joke aside them I’ve been
here six years and I noticed that this
was not the last time that a taxi driver
was going to ask me this kind of
question been in Kazakhstan and be over
25 years old is not so funny you as a
woman as a boy as a man have a very
heavy pressure from society you need to
get married as soon as possible and to
fulfill the standard
so you could make your family happy
your coworker happy and maybe the taxi
driver from my perspective many girls
not everyone but many girls get married
so you can claim to the society that you
were chosen that you are following the
standards of this society um but then
sorry you look at the statistic and what
you see is that in Kazakhstan every
third couple is getting a divorce
another standards that I notice women
has to fulfill in this society is
virginity you need to be virgin to be
chosen by your future husband and I also
heard that now there is a very good
business going on because you can
restore their genius only you can still
play the game but what I want to say
about the virginity is that doesn’t
matter if you’re pretty it doesn’t
matter if you’re educated abroad it
doesn’t matter if you are funny if
you’re not virgin you are not able to be
part of this game where I come from in
Italy as you know we have the Pope we
have the church were also very religion
country virginity is not a sacred issue
a woman that is not virgin is not
treated as a prostitute a woman that has
experience it’s just you know a woman
with experience and what I noticed and
what I feel is that maybe that’s why
Italian girls are a little bit more
confident of many other girls in the
local society and then what happened
then you get married because you had to
and you’re sharing this married life
with your husband which is a new person
under the same roof you know like you
before you you were doing something like
movie and dating and now you’re under
the same roof and you actually know him
deeply and what you notice is that
something is missing what is missing is
common goals common vision I’m not
talking about interested because a
healthy couple can have different
interest but what you should make sure
before getting married is that you have
a common vision means what it means that
if you want to be a successful lawyer
you need to make sure that your husband
after you get married will not tell you
to stay home raising nine kids and
prepare food for the visitors that are
coming from other town you want to be
sure that your husband likes to go out
or like it’s like to sit home and play
video games and you have to have you
know a social life
this will not be armful afterwards
because things will not change after you
get married things will stay the same so
whoever you are before the marriage is
not going to come and be sorted out
afterwards so you want to be sure that
the person that you’re gonna share the
life width is going to be the same one
that is sharing your same vision because
if this doesn’t happen you know again
what happened divorce
unhappy woman miserable couples another
thing that I noticed is that sometimes
you are not getting married only with
your husband but you’re adding your
parents hot so let me tell you getting
married is very hard because you are you
know sharing time with another human
being
another had another brain another you
know Abbot’s adding relatives on this
couple it’s a horror movie
I have been witness of situation when a
woman would get married with the husband
like a couple and their husband will
tell her my mother is visiting us for a
couple of months then she would ask
after a couple of months so she’s living
and the husband would get very mad mad
with her because you would think that
she doesn’t like the mother-in-law so
this is like you know this is again
something that creates unhappy woman and
creates again fights and creates divorce
again so the consequence of this are
pretty clear and me my husband which is
here today we got married in 2014 and
when I come back in Kazakhstan because
we got married in Istanbul I was you
know very proud of myself so I went out
on the street I put my hands out and I’m
waiting for the taxi driver so I’m there
and say come on I’m ready for you you
know so the taxi driver stopped I
entered in the car and I’m like having
an evil smile because I know you know so
it’s like Viet khuda I like I’m from
Italy and then they all have the same
you know priority and say how old are
you I’m 29
are you married yes wait it’s not good
and many girls like do you have kids no
no I don’t have kids you know like I was
almost happy that I fulfilled the
standards but then again I failed but
this was even worst you know guys
because the this timing was harder for
me
you start asking me very personal
question why you don’t have kids
you’re 29 you’re old do you know that
maybe your kids if you’re gonna have one
they’re not gonna be healthy and I’m
thinking maybe he’s gonna have three
eyes I don’t know why it’s not gonna be
healthy maybe you have some problem with
your you know reproduction equipment
maybe your husband is not good
once I even experienced a taxi driver
who told me if I were your husband I
would have made you pregnant from the
first night until I finish and I decide
that you are enough this was a real
violence for me it was a very moral
violence and I think nobody should ask
you when where are your kids because the
reason can be so many you know you can
have some problem you want to wait maybe
you you know you want to focus on your
career but why should I feel inadequate
in this society because I don’t have
kids why I cannot wait
when is my time to have kids and then
let’s forget for a minute about the taxi
driver you need to have babies
you need to make boys because you have
girls then again is another problem you
know you need to make your husband your
family your relative proud of you but
what if you don’t want to have kids what
if you don’t want to make this decision
now and wait to focus on your career
what if I want to travel and enjoy life
again why should I feel inadequate
making kids is not about what other
people wants and then when I see I see
many girls feeling not matching the
circle of their friends because all
other girlfriends are 25 with three kids
and you know you think maybe I’m wrong
and you think that you need to follow
the rules and you have to make kids as
soon as possible but let me tell you be
a mother is not what other people wish
or what your girlfriends are doing
surrounding you babies are not an
accessories babies are not a object that
you leave to your mother or to your
nannies because you got a divorce and
then you need to find another husband
maybe babies are not something that you
do to keep your husband tied to you kids
are a result of a happy relationship and
kids should live in an environment made
of two parents so what can I say after
all I have noticed so far in this
country that we could drop the number of
divorce
we could have confidence woman
successful in their business and success
successful in their private life we
could have more babies with two parents
how to do this listen to yourself
and there’s what you want look at their
culture take a gap here live abroad we
are living nowadays in a time where
everything is accessible our world is
not the same of 50 years ago
there is no border everybody can access
to anybody else so if you want to have
kids when you’re young do it if you want
to wait do it the only question that I
suggest you to ask yourself is do I want
this now today thank you
[Applause]
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