[Music]
who or what do you love and how do they
make you feel do you feel happy do you
feel safe do you trust them when I was a
10 year old girl I got the chance to
have my very first ride on a horse that
belonged to a girl who used to come
riding past the end of my Drive every
summer evening and the minute I heard
the clip clop of those hooves coming
down the road I used to run to the end
of the drive and beg her can I stroke
your horse and this became a bit of a
ritual and one night she said to me if
you can get permission from your parents
I’ll take you for a ride around the
lanes tomorrow night well permission was
duly granted and the next night I got
the chance to have my very first ride on
horseback I can remember that like it
was yesterday like I was wearing green
shorts and I wouldn’t let my mother wash
them for weeks because the smell of the
horse and the leather I did that every
night and kept them beside my bed and
have you ever done something to that
person or that horse that you loved that
you wished you hadn’t and more
importantly what have you done about
that by the time I was 16 years old it
became quite apparent that my
professional life was going to have
something to do with horses so after I
left school I set about studying with
the British War Society to gain the
necessary qualifications to the
intermediate level that would allow me
to teach and train in a professional
capacity and for the next 25 years
that’s when the struggles began they
wouldn’t go where I wanted them to they
wouldn’t stop where I wanted them to
there was a lot of bucking a lot of
rearing very often we couldn’t catch
them but we just accepted that that’s
how it was
so if we say we love horses then why is
it that we spend our time around animals
that clearly don’t want to be with us we
feel anxious at the whole time we felt
irritated we feel very frustrated let me
tell you and if we love forces then why
is it that we break them in and present
them for competitions her ages under six
years old when it’s a well-known fact
that horses don’t finish developing
physically until we’re six and mentally
and emotionally some much later as late
as eight or nine and why is it called
seventeen years ago I was out riding
with my young daughter and we were
riding to a friend’s house and I was on
a young pony that we bought up from the
new forest it was supposed to be a dream
come true to take this wild full and
tame him and make him a brilliant riding
pony I’m a professional remember and in
fact that dream turned into a nightmare
and it culminated in this one particular
time when we as we were going to the
friend’s house we had to go past a pig
farm now for some reason a lot of horses
are terrified of pigs and there was no
way that I could get him to go past the
pig farm and I did what every other
person did I got angry I got frustrated
I was embarrassed I was humiliated I
couldn’t make him go and with the sheer
anger and force I beat him so hard but I
broke my whip on him
a year later I attended a horse
exhibition and quite by chance I saw
this girl demonstrating what it means to
be natural with horses and I mean I as a
professional as hard as I looked I could
not see what that woman was doing to get
her horse just to move with her it’s
like magic she went here
the horse went there she went there the
horse went there I couldn’t see what was
happening and that day I learned that
there was two kinds of horse people on
this planet horse lovers and the other
kind and the thing is I thought I was a
horse lover but apparently I was the
other kind I learned that there are so
many things wrong in the horse industry
and I don’t know why we even call it an
industry because horses they’re sentient
beings aren’t they the horses are used
for the Tall of the human ego and in
most equestrian sports a lot of horses
suffer and I wish I didn’t have to tell
you this but if we just look as recently
as at Cheltenham races when that poor
horse and stand is seen in mid gallop he
breaks his leg and he is trying to
sustain the gallop and he has bones
sticking out from below his knee now we
recoil in horror but to not to say that
– not to tell you that horse was five
years old and nobody wants to talk about
it it’s like the elephant in the room we
all know it’s there and we scout around
nobody really wants to say that this is
wrong when I share this story I’m doing
a TEDx right so I’ve been talking to
lots of people and they say to me oh
well then I take it that that means that
you don’t like horse racing that you’re
against that you against any kind of
horse competition and I say no that’s
not what I’m saying because to say that
would be to deprive the most amazing
horse men and women who do embody what
is important to the horse and that would
have deprived a fantastic showjumper by
the name of Luca Mineta
when he came over in 2013 to jump the
pre sansar high jump in London Olympia
is between him and one other horse the
fences are really big like seven foot
two and he’s telling everybody he’s
telling the organisers I don’t want to
take my horse she’d done in now if she’d
done enough and there’s a little
conference behind the curtain and
they’re all deciding like they’re
begging him please
please will you come and at least do the
jump-off the spectators have paid a lot
of money for this and he’s persuaded to
take his horse back into the ring one
more time and his horse won the
competition and in his after interview
after that they said what happened there
Luka what happened and he said well I
say to my horse I’d take her in the ring
I say if you want you on the jump jump
the jump if you don’t want you on the
jump don’t jump the jump is fine with me
that is where my heart lies so which is
beating quite hard by the way so for the
last 16 years I’ve traveled the length
and breadth of this country trying to
find out those missing pieces of the
puzzle for me for those last 25 years
what I didn’t know that that girl knew
about how to have a good relationship
with my horse and it boils down to four
fundamental things so let me share them
with you now the first thing is that
horses and humans have completely
opposing sets of instincts who knew not
me
we humans are predators we have our eyes
on the front of our head and we’re very
fixed and I want you now to feel what it
feels like to be a predator so can you
just close your eyes trust me please and
close your eyes
I’m doing it too it’s late at night
you’re in the house on your own and you
hear a noise but you’re not sure about
is a creak on the stair or a door latch
that’s going and as you try and strain
to think what on earth that could
possibly be the hole under your tail
goes tight you are stiff and alert as
you’re trying to figure out what the
earth to do the adrenaline is coursing
through your body this is your instinct
your predatorial instinct and now when
you open your eyes who of you has got a
hand like that this is the hand of a
predator hands close quickly and open
very slowly now the horse surprise got a
different set of instincts when he gets
scared his instinct is he has his eyes
on the side of his head so you can see
everywhere
he runs first and only when he thinks
he’s put enough space between himself
and what was scaring him will he stop so
great horse running human predator
that’s the first reason for all the
disharmony second fundamental thing that
was missing I had no clue about was how
horses communicate its fire their body
language and their energy and the thing
is it’s so subtle but it can be learned
the third thing that I learned is what
motivates horses this is a biggie for me
because I had no clue and it’s four
fundamental motivating factors they’re
kind of like a hierarchy of needs
they’re not in any necessary order
because they reveal themselves any given
time that the horse finds himself in
their comfort safety food and play so do
you know it’s virtually impossible for a
horse to eat when he feels unsafe
equally who of you has passed a field of
horses they’re just sort of standing
around they don’t do very much that’s
kind of cold comfort when they’re done
with that
these are eat a lot a lot these a lot
and then when they’re done with that
they play games and the kind of games
that horses play are games of dominance
and the reason that they play those
games which they are starting to play
now you will see very quick but that’s
how they decide on the leader of the
herd and everyday horses play these
games because the leader of the herd is
what depicts the safety of the herd the
safety of the herd is dependent upon the
leader and so now every day when I go
out to my horses I need to be the leader
not the boss now we think of those two
words don’t we leader and boss like they
just conjure up completely opposing
ideals don’t they I used to be the boss
with my horses it’s my way or the
highway you will go down the road you
will go here you will do this you will
do that
but a good leader doesn’t do that a good
leader takes the time to find out what
motivates their team or their partner a
good leader finds the courage within
themselves to let go of the reins and
invite their partner to take on some
responsibility and independence and as
long as that other partner is quite
clear of what is required of them then
they can feel confident in the
leadership above that they are doing the
right thing and if that doesn’t quite
happen then a good leader will kind of
question it and say why didn’t you do
that I was interesting and try and just
now the fourth thing was much harder
every day when I’m called out all over
the place to help troubled horse human
partnerships those three things can be
learned they take some time that they
can be learned but the fourth thing is
we humans need to have emotional
responsibility and it is my
responsibility to have with on with my
horses to keep my emotions under check
and the thing is as things were
progressing in my journey in my Naturals
Manship journey the horses were
definitely going better
I was definitely happier but there was
something missing inside I wasn’t
feeling it I wasn’t feeling like a horse
lover I hoped I would but I wasn’t
actually feeling it and it took me a
little while to realize that what was
stopping that feeling was the terrible
shame that I felt for what I had done to
Smithee that pony’s name by the way is
mr. Smithee are the terrible shame
because what I done to him 17 years ago
I didn’t want to look at it
I couldn’t acknowledge it I didn’t want
to think that I was possibly part of the
problem and by not acknowledging that
shame what was actually doing was
depriving myself of those amazing
feelings that that ten-year-old girl had
that night but she first fell in love
but with the help of an amazing
therapist who I initially did not go to
see for my work with horses it was
coming completely unrelated she has the
patience of a saint help me to
understand and recognize that these
negative emotions our students have
they’re there and we need to yet there’s
that shame again and by acknowledging it
it doesn’t make it right what I did but
it allows me to be completely authentic
when I’m with my horses and this is what
I talk about with my clients on a daily
basis when they feel that proper
emotional connection things can really
change fast so now when I’m with my
horses or that of my clients the love
that I feel is real and this is me now
having a play with my baby horse willow
I’ve had it for two and a half years now
and she wasn’t always like this I’ve
made so many mistakes with her but I
just feel I pressed my hand into her
forehead and she’s luring her head and
if you look here she’s playing with me
if you look really closely I haven’t got
any ropes on her forcing her to stay
with me
and when we take the ropes off what
we’re left with is the truth and here is
my wonderful mr. Smithee I know that
he’s forgiven me because I have done a
ton of stuff in bucket loads to tell him
how sorry I was for what I did 17 years
ago and there’s the truth he wants to
eat but he’s a horse he’s allowed to
okay so what’s all this mushy stuff in
about love and emotions what’s that got
to do with the horse back here Owen hold
on it’s not the end of the story three
years ago I gave chase two armed
post-office robbers across the open
fields of the Romney Marsh and that
resulted in two men serving jail time
and the
Media calling me the horseback heroine
it would have been rude not to take that
as a brand wouldn’t it
but with that brand has come
responsibility it’s my responsibility to
share what I have learned I can no
longer hide behind the other people who
gave me this knowledge in the first
place you know that day chasing those
armed robbers this conference right it’s
about courage isn’t it
that wasn’t really a courageous act
because I just did what came naturally
at the time to be perfectly honest I
didn’t even think about it because I
knew I had a good enough relationship
with mr. smurfy that is fine I didn’t
think
but what has taken courage is looking at
my insides the very core of who I am you
see I never felt strong enough to take
the heat to say this is me these are my
principles this is what I stand for and
a lot of us are like that I know and I
know for me it was because I was afraid
of what people would say or what they
might think of me and as I stand here
before you on this TEDx stage as
vulnerable as hell wishing and hoping
that you don’t hate or judge me for what
I did to miss this movie 17 years ago
I’m want to leave you with some final
thoughts but first of all that pig farm
situation was nothing to do with the pig
farm and it was everything to do with
the fact that mr. smithy didn’t trust my
leadership my leadership was rubbish
because if he was in a herd and he had a
leader of the herd he’d have gone past
that pig farm no trouble he’d have been
scared but he would have gone so it’s
understanding that and so as we wrap up
I invite you if you’re ready because if
I had heard this message 20 years ago I
know I wouldn’t have been ready but if
you are ready we need to start asking a
different set of questions so instead of
demanding my horse should go down the
road I hear it all the time
my horse should go down the road it
should jump that jump my horse has got
to win this race I don’t care how
money you paid for your horse just
because I paid money for my horse isn’t
they live and I feed them doesn’t mean I
own their mind so we need to start
asking a different set of questions
which is why won’t he
why can’t he what’s in it for him can i
express my intention without tension and
only when we ask those questions when we
look at our insides where we come up
those questions will be easier to answer
and so on behalf of all the horses
because they’re mute and they can’t
speak for themselves that’s all I got
thank you [Applause]
who or what do you love and how do they
make you feel do you feel happy do you
feel safe do you trust them when I was a
10 year old girl I got the chance to
have my very first ride on a horse that
belonged to a girl who used to come
riding past the end of my Drive every
summer evening and the minute I heard
the clip clop of those hooves coming
down the road I used to run to the end
of the drive and beg her can I stroke
your horse and this became a bit of a
ritual and one night she said to me if
you can get permission from your parents
I’ll take you for a ride around the
lanes tomorrow night well permission was
duly granted and the next night I got
the chance to have my very first ride on
horseback I can remember that like it
was yesterday like I was wearing green
shorts and I wouldn’t let my mother wash
them for weeks because the smell of the
horse and the leather I did that every
night and kept them beside my bed and
have you ever done something to that
person or that horse that you loved that
you wished you hadn’t and more
importantly what have you done about
that by the time I was 16 years old it
became quite apparent that my
professional life was going to have
something to do with horses so after I
left school I set about studying with
the British War Society to gain the
necessary qualifications to the
intermediate level that would allow me
to teach and train in a professional
capacity and for the next 25 years
that’s when the struggles began they
wouldn’t go where I wanted them to they
wouldn’t stop where I wanted them to
there was a lot of bucking a lot of
rearing very often we couldn’t catch
them but we just accepted that that’s
how it was
so if we say we love horses then why is
it that we spend our time around animals
that clearly don’t want to be with us we
feel anxious at the whole time we felt
irritated we feel very frustrated let me
tell you and if we love forces then why
is it that we break them in and present
them for competitions her ages under six
years old when it’s a well-known fact
that horses don’t finish developing
physically until we’re six and mentally
and emotionally some much later as late
as eight or nine and why is it called
seventeen years ago I was out riding
with my young daughter and we were
riding to a friend’s house and I was on
a young pony that we bought up from the
new forest it was supposed to be a dream
come true to take this wild full and
tame him and make him a brilliant riding
pony I’m a professional remember and in
fact that dream turned into a nightmare
and it culminated in this one particular
time when we as we were going to the
friend’s house we had to go past a pig
farm now for some reason a lot of horses
are terrified of pigs and there was no
way that I could get him to go past the
pig farm and I did what every other
person did I got angry I got frustrated
I was embarrassed I was humiliated I
couldn’t make him go and with the sheer
anger and force I beat him so hard but I
broke my whip on him
a year later I attended a horse
exhibition and quite by chance I saw
this girl demonstrating what it means to
be natural with horses and I mean I as a
professional as hard as I looked I could
not see what that woman was doing to get
her horse just to move with her it’s
like magic she went here
the horse went there she went there the
horse went there I couldn’t see what was
happening and that day I learned that
there was two kinds of horse people on
this planet horse lovers and the other
kind and the thing is I thought I was a
horse lover but apparently I was the
other kind I learned that there are so
many things wrong in the horse industry
and I don’t know why we even call it an
industry because horses they’re sentient
beings aren’t they the horses are used
for the Tall of the human ego and in
most equestrian sports a lot of horses
suffer and I wish I didn’t have to tell
you this but if we just look as recently
as at Cheltenham races when that poor
horse and stand is seen in mid gallop he
breaks his leg and he is trying to
sustain the gallop and he has bones
sticking out from below his knee now we
recoil in horror but to not to say that
– not to tell you that horse was five
years old and nobody wants to talk about
it it’s like the elephant in the room we
all know it’s there and we scout around
nobody really wants to say that this is
wrong when I share this story I’m doing
a TEDx right so I’ve been talking to
lots of people and they say to me oh
well then I take it that that means that
you don’t like horse racing that you’re
against that you against any kind of
horse competition and I say no that’s
not what I’m saying because to say that
would be to deprive the most amazing
horse men and women who do embody what
is important to the horse and that would
have deprived a fantastic showjumper by
the name of Luca Mineta
when he came over in 2013 to jump the
pre sansar high jump in London Olympia
is between him and one other horse the
fences are really big like seven foot
two and he’s telling everybody he’s
telling the organisers I don’t want to
take my horse she’d done in now if she’d
done enough and there’s a little
conference behind the curtain and
they’re all deciding like they’re
begging him please
please will you come and at least do the
jump-off the spectators have paid a lot
of money for this and he’s persuaded to
take his horse back into the ring one
more time and his horse won the
competition and in his after interview
after that they said what happened there
Luka what happened and he said well I
say to my horse I’d take her in the ring
I say if you want you on the jump jump
the jump if you don’t want you on the
jump don’t jump the jump is fine with me
that is where my heart lies so which is
beating quite hard by the way so for the
last 16 years I’ve traveled the length
and breadth of this country trying to
find out those missing pieces of the
puzzle for me for those last 25 years
what I didn’t know that that girl knew
about how to have a good relationship
with my horse and it boils down to four
fundamental things so let me share them
with you now the first thing is that
horses and humans have completely
opposing sets of instincts who knew not
me
we humans are predators we have our eyes
on the front of our head and we’re very
fixed and I want you now to feel what it
feels like to be a predator so can you
just close your eyes trust me please and
close your eyes
I’m doing it too it’s late at night
you’re in the house on your own and you
hear a noise but you’re not sure about
is a creak on the stair or a door latch
that’s going and as you try and strain
to think what on earth that could
possibly be the hole under your tail
goes tight you are stiff and alert as
you’re trying to figure out what the
earth to do the adrenaline is coursing
through your body this is your instinct
your predatorial instinct and now when
you open your eyes who of you has got a
hand like that this is the hand of a
predator hands close quickly and open
very slowly now the horse surprise got a
different set of instincts when he gets
scared his instinct is he has his eyes
on the side of his head so you can see
everywhere
he runs first and only when he thinks
he’s put enough space between himself
and what was scaring him will he stop so
great horse running human predator
that’s the first reason for all the
disharmony second fundamental thing that
was missing I had no clue about was how
horses communicate its fire their body
language and their energy and the thing
is it’s so subtle but it can be learned
the third thing that I learned is what
motivates horses this is a biggie for me
because I had no clue and it’s four
fundamental motivating factors they’re
kind of like a hierarchy of needs
they’re not in any necessary order
because they reveal themselves any given
time that the horse finds himself in
their comfort safety food and play so do
you know it’s virtually impossible for a
horse to eat when he feels unsafe
equally who of you has passed a field of
horses they’re just sort of standing
around they don’t do very much that’s
kind of cold comfort when they’re done
with that
these are eat a lot a lot these a lot
and then when they’re done with that
they play games and the kind of games
that horses play are games of dominance
and the reason that they play those
games which they are starting to play
now you will see very quick but that’s
how they decide on the leader of the
herd and everyday horses play these
games because the leader of the herd is
what depicts the safety of the herd the
safety of the herd is dependent upon the
leader and so now every day when I go
out to my horses I need to be the leader
not the boss now we think of those two
words don’t we leader and boss like they
just conjure up completely opposing
ideals don’t they I used to be the boss
with my horses it’s my way or the
highway you will go down the road you
will go here you will do this you will
do that
but a good leader doesn’t do that a good
leader takes the time to find out what
motivates their team or their partner a
good leader finds the courage within
themselves to let go of the reins and
invite their partner to take on some
responsibility and independence and as
long as that other partner is quite
clear of what is required of them then
they can feel confident in the
leadership above that they are doing the
right thing and if that doesn’t quite
happen then a good leader will kind of
question it and say why didn’t you do
that I was interesting and try and just
now the fourth thing was much harder
every day when I’m called out all over
the place to help troubled horse human
partnerships those three things can be
learned they take some time that they
can be learned but the fourth thing is
we humans need to have emotional
responsibility and it is my
responsibility to have with on with my
horses to keep my emotions under check
and the thing is as things were
progressing in my journey in my Naturals
Manship journey the horses were
definitely going better
I was definitely happier but there was
something missing inside I wasn’t
feeling it I wasn’t feeling like a horse
lover I hoped I would but I wasn’t
actually feeling it and it took me a
little while to realize that what was
stopping that feeling was the terrible
shame that I felt for what I had done to
Smithee that pony’s name by the way is
mr. Smithee are the terrible shame
because what I done to him 17 years ago
I didn’t want to look at it
I couldn’t acknowledge it I didn’t want
to think that I was possibly part of the
problem and by not acknowledging that
shame what was actually doing was
depriving myself of those amazing
feelings that that ten-year-old girl had
that night but she first fell in love
but with the help of an amazing
therapist who I initially did not go to
see for my work with horses it was
coming completely unrelated she has the
patience of a saint help me to
understand and recognize that these
negative emotions our students have
they’re there and we need to yet there’s
that shame again and by acknowledging it
it doesn’t make it right what I did but
it allows me to be completely authentic
when I’m with my horses and this is what
I talk about with my clients on a daily
basis when they feel that proper
emotional connection things can really
change fast so now when I’m with my
horses or that of my clients the love
that I feel is real and this is me now
having a play with my baby horse willow
I’ve had it for two and a half years now
and she wasn’t always like this I’ve
made so many mistakes with her but I
just feel I pressed my hand into her
forehead and she’s luring her head and
if you look here she’s playing with me
if you look really closely I haven’t got
any ropes on her forcing her to stay
with me
and when we take the ropes off what
we’re left with is the truth and here is
my wonderful mr. Smithee I know that
he’s forgiven me because I have done a
ton of stuff in bucket loads to tell him
how sorry I was for what I did 17 years
ago and there’s the truth he wants to
eat but he’s a horse he’s allowed to
okay so what’s all this mushy stuff in
about love and emotions what’s that got
to do with the horse back here Owen hold
on it’s not the end of the story three
years ago I gave chase two armed
post-office robbers across the open
fields of the Romney Marsh and that
resulted in two men serving jail time
and the
Media calling me the horseback heroine
it would have been rude not to take that
as a brand wouldn’t it
but with that brand has come
responsibility it’s my responsibility to
share what I have learned I can no
longer hide behind the other people who
gave me this knowledge in the first
place you know that day chasing those
armed robbers this conference right it’s
about courage isn’t it
that wasn’t really a courageous act
because I just did what came naturally
at the time to be perfectly honest I
didn’t even think about it because I
knew I had a good enough relationship
with mr. smurfy that is fine I didn’t
think
but what has taken courage is looking at
my insides the very core of who I am you
see I never felt strong enough to take
the heat to say this is me these are my
principles this is what I stand for and
a lot of us are like that I know and I
know for me it was because I was afraid
of what people would say or what they
might think of me and as I stand here
before you on this TEDx stage as
vulnerable as hell wishing and hoping
that you don’t hate or judge me for what
I did to miss this movie 17 years ago
I’m want to leave you with some final
thoughts but first of all that pig farm
situation was nothing to do with the pig
farm and it was everything to do with
the fact that mr. smithy didn’t trust my
leadership my leadership was rubbish
because if he was in a herd and he had a
leader of the herd he’d have gone past
that pig farm no trouble he’d have been
scared but he would have gone so it’s
understanding that and so as we wrap up
I invite you if you’re ready because if
I had heard this message 20 years ago I
know I wouldn’t have been ready but if
you are ready we need to start asking a
different set of questions so instead of
demanding my horse should go down the
road I hear it all the time
my horse should go down the road it
should jump that jump my horse has got
to win this race I don’t care how
money you paid for your horse just
because I paid money for my horse isn’t
they live and I feed them doesn’t mean I
own their mind so we need to start
asking a different set of questions
which is why won’t he
why can’t he what’s in it for him can i
express my intention without tension and
only when we ask those questions when we
look at our insides where we come up
those questions will be easier to answer
and so on behalf of all the horses
because they’re mute and they can’t
speak for themselves that’s all I got
thank you [Applause]
Please follow and like us: