[Applause]
so I was raised in a commune in the
woods of Southern Oregon for most of my
life I didn’t like to talk about it much
if you were coming to age in the 60s you
know exactly what a con Yin is it’s a
place where people would live together
they would share the work and they would
share their material possessions that’s
not to say that everybody was equal in
our combien in fact my family was
unofficially second class but the rules
for advancement were always shifting
such that we never really felt stable
there was collaboration for sure but
there was a lot of competition and a lot
of manipulation I remember when I was a
teenager I got into a heated argument
with a good friend of mine and I ended
up an agenda topic for an upcoming
meeting of all the adults and so being
somewhat resourceful I found this hidden
location where I could listen in on the
meeting without being detected
and I wish I hadn’t because I heard
myself labeled as a troublemaker as a
button-pusher and I burned with anger
because I felt those judgments about my
character weren’t being shared to lift
me up they’re being shared to keep me in
my place it was that moment and moments
like it along the way that caused me to
make a promise to myself give me time
give me a fair shot and I’ll prove that
I can be successful you know we all get
launched into life from somewhere I got
launched from a commune
a bit of a chip on my shoulder something
to prove my parents decided to take the
family out of the comm unit I graduated
high school and I quickly started making
life decisions that would make a life
planner absolutely cringe I married my
high school sweetheart when I was but a
teenager I decided I was gonna skip
college altogether I joined the circus
not really I didn’t
but I did join and undercapitalized the
family startup business which was a lot
like a circus we were some of the first
people to build tall communication
towers to make the cellular networks
work I used to climb those it was the
wide-open Wild West we were building our
business in a lot of ways having left
the commune we were building a new life
and I loved it I fell in love with the
entrepreneur lifestyle
the business grew I had a chance to
become an owner and we expanded up and
down the west coast and before long we
were fortunate to receive an offer to
sell our company and so with my lawyer
with my dad we traveled to Philadelphia
and we met in prestigious law offices of
the acquiring firm and that day we
signed papers that’s my dad on the right
I’m the one with the puffy shoulders on
the left and that coat from the 90s and
I flew home at 27 years old worth more
money than I ever thought I’d see
suddenly life was pretty good bought
that sports car I’d always dreamt about
joining the Country Club built a house
the nicest part of town all the markers
of success were falling into place
have you ever achieved a major life goal
the guide you chase every day what did
that feel like for you when you won I
bet it was amazing
how long did that feeling last and what
did you do next you see many of us are
like the proverbial dog chasing the car
we have no idea what’s going to happen
after we actually sink our teeth into
the tire I remember coming across an
article I’ve discovered a phrase sudden
wealth
syndrome and I remember one quote from
that article a tech executive it struck
it rich he said having more money just
allowed me to make bigger mistakes and
when I heard that I was living those
mistakes and I was feeling the pain of
this thump-thump
of having caught that car with no plan
you see I fancied myself an investor so
I invested in a technology company in
Florida and a services company in
California and a cellular license in the
populous state of Montana and
restaurants throughout Oregon and they
all have one thing in common I lost
every single penny in every single one
of them and along the way I cultivated a
bit of a taste for life in the fast lane
so more travel less accountability and
structure more opportunity for choices
that would compromise my values and
undermine my confidence you see many
people can pass the test of adversity
but a better test of our character to
see how we handle the test of success
losing the money was painful
losing my self-respect that was much
worse I was disappointed I was
embarrassed and perhaps I was humbled
enough I started asking myself better
questions like what’s really motivating
you and how had I screwed things up so
badly so quickly and my life changed
when I got that answer I finally knew
what was wrong with me I hadn’t been
grateful I was many things I was
determined I was driven I was ambitious
but I was not grateful she gratitude is
acknowledging a gift received like that
dog chasing the car I was doing exactly
what came naturally but for many of us
particularly driven personality types
gratitude doesn’t come naturally
ambitious people struggle to feel
satisfaction for two reasons that I’ve
seen first we are so forward focused on
that next challenge and that next
opportunity we never stop
to value what we’ve been given and
appreciate where we’ve come from
and why would we protect what we don’t
value second we believe the path to
satisfaction is through achievement but
satisfaction doesn’t live on the other
side of achievement satisfaction lives
on the other side of gratitude we all
want essentially the same thing
contentment fulfillment peace but the
promise of peace for most of us is this
mythical place we rarely get to visit
and we never get to live I figured out
my default temperament is Triple A
almost always anxious I had to admit I
was often motivated by envy of what
other people had and what other people
were achieving even though I had been
given so much and I’ve learned to use
gratitude as this powerful antidote to
battle these negative emotions that
would flood over me and what I
discovered is that when I filter my
feelings with gratitude gratitude
actually changes those feelings and I
call this entire reorientation process
of my thinking a gratitude adjustment
I’m gonna share with you portions of the
gratitude adjustment that’s meant the
most in the over the last decade now I
do this in the shower because several
reasons first I need a shower every day
and they need gratitude every day but
also I know that I’m not going to get
distracted so here’s what I did I think
about God and I think about the beauty
and the wonder of this natural world and
I just expressed thanks for whatever
comes to mind it could be the colours of
a sunset at the Oregon coast or a
changing of the seasons in the West the
diversity of people and cultures I
express thanks for things I understand
and for things I don’t understand and I
take a step back and I remind myself I
had nothing to do with any of that you
see it’s really important for me to
remember
I’m not holding this all together that
helps me think about forgiveness
accepting forgiveness extending
forgiveness to people who I think might
have wronged me in the past forgiving
myself you know it’s impossible to feel
grateful and hateful at the same time if
you don’t believe that go try it at home
and I like to finish my exercise by
thinking through what I call my domains
the areas where I’ve been given
influence as a father too for our
children as a husband to my high school
sweetheart
as a mentor as an author as a business
owner as an American and I express
thanks for the privilege of serving in
each of those areas in whether an
exercise takes me 2 minutes or 10
minutes if I open up my heart and I get
past the noise in my head without fail
by the time I leave that shower my
emotional outlook is completely changed
you see gratitude changes everything
because it works like a lens through
which we see everything else
Cicero has said gratitude is not only
the greatest of virtues but the parent
of all others dr. Sonia Luba Minsky is
an expert in the field of positive
psychology she’s a professor of
psychology at UC Riverside she earned
her undergrad from Harvard her PhD from
Stanford Sheen her colleagues have done
thousands of hours of research into what
makes us happy and she illustrates this
and a concept she calls the happiness
pie you get to debate on the flavor of
this pie this morning so it turns out
about 50% of what makes people happy is
tied to their genetics we each get a set
point based on our DNA some people are
naturally a little bit happier than
others that’s where we start they
discovered this by researching identical
twins who were raised in completely
different environments and what they
found is despite their completely
different environments they returned to
a very similar set point because of
their DNA so if 50% of what makes us
happy is our DNA what makes up the other
half you might be tempted to think well
our circumstances well not really
in fact our circumstances only make up
10 percent roughly of what makes us
happy so money possessions Beauty social
status that stuff only moves the needle
10% that’s not even a good dessert but
it’s worse than that
this 10% is very unstable sociologists
look at it like a treadmill or an
endless track due to something called
hedonic adaptation
let me explain what that is have you
ever observed when something bad even
traumatic happens in somebody’s life how
over time they learn to deal with it to
cope well hedonic adaptation observes
that when something good even amazing
happens to us we learn to deal with
those new circumstances as well so if
we’re chasing happiness by achievement
and stuff pretty soon that emotional
buzz wears off and we are right back to
chasing again perhaps this is why we as
a culture spend countless hours scouring
the digital pawn shop of our smartphone
while at the same time we’re ignoring
the treasures we already have
but here’s the happiness pie punchline
that gives me so much hope a full 40
percent of what makes us happy is
intentional activity it’s how we think
and it’s the actions that we will take
in response to those thoughts you cannot
change your DNA and by now you may agree
that more stuff isn’t going to do the
trick
either but this 40% you can change this
is where we do the hard work of thinking
through what do we really think is
important in life and making intentional
steps taking intentional activity in
that direction there’s tremendous
satisfaction from making meaningful
progress in an area that you feel is
important I can’t tell you how that
discovery process should work for you
because we’re all unique but I will
strongly suggest start with gratitude
because gratitude gives perspective for
that work of the top 30
character traits the research says that
gratitude uniquely predicts satisfaction
with life 10 years ago I had an
opportunity to lead another company as
president of startup this time I knew I
had to do it differently I wanted to
lead with gratitude the business grew we
became a leader in making smartphones
work inside stadiums and subways and
skyscrapers last year we were fortunate
to sell the business and then I was
having achieved a goal and faced with
that question what’s next you see that
gratitude had prepared me had clarified
what was real and what was important
gratitude is where we discover there’s
abundance headed our way it’s completely
disconnected from our striving it’s
where we learn to take an assessment of
our gifts and our resources and the
opportunities we have to make a
difference in the world
it’s where we make that shift
from being driven to being the one doing
the driving
gratitude clarified for me what’s
important I know now I want to reach for
my potential I want to impact my world
and I want to leave a legacy but I’m not
doing that out of a sense of striving
and chasing know my motivation now is a
response to what I’ve already been given
you see gratitude is really just good
accounting acknowledging a gift received
if you want more happiness more joy more
satisfaction start with gratitude a
gratitude adjustment changes everything
you
so I was raised in a commune in the
woods of Southern Oregon for most of my
life I didn’t like to talk about it much
if you were coming to age in the 60s you
know exactly what a con Yin is it’s a
place where people would live together
they would share the work and they would
share their material possessions that’s
not to say that everybody was equal in
our combien in fact my family was
unofficially second class but the rules
for advancement were always shifting
such that we never really felt stable
there was collaboration for sure but
there was a lot of competition and a lot
of manipulation I remember when I was a
teenager I got into a heated argument
with a good friend of mine and I ended
up an agenda topic for an upcoming
meeting of all the adults and so being
somewhat resourceful I found this hidden
location where I could listen in on the
meeting without being detected
and I wish I hadn’t because I heard
myself labeled as a troublemaker as a
button-pusher and I burned with anger
because I felt those judgments about my
character weren’t being shared to lift
me up they’re being shared to keep me in
my place it was that moment and moments
like it along the way that caused me to
make a promise to myself give me time
give me a fair shot and I’ll prove that
I can be successful you know we all get
launched into life from somewhere I got
launched from a commune
a bit of a chip on my shoulder something
to prove my parents decided to take the
family out of the comm unit I graduated
high school and I quickly started making
life decisions that would make a life
planner absolutely cringe I married my
high school sweetheart when I was but a
teenager I decided I was gonna skip
college altogether I joined the circus
not really I didn’t
but I did join and undercapitalized the
family startup business which was a lot
like a circus we were some of the first
people to build tall communication
towers to make the cellular networks
work I used to climb those it was the
wide-open Wild West we were building our
business in a lot of ways having left
the commune we were building a new life
and I loved it I fell in love with the
entrepreneur lifestyle
the business grew I had a chance to
become an owner and we expanded up and
down the west coast and before long we
were fortunate to receive an offer to
sell our company and so with my lawyer
with my dad we traveled to Philadelphia
and we met in prestigious law offices of
the acquiring firm and that day we
signed papers that’s my dad on the right
I’m the one with the puffy shoulders on
the left and that coat from the 90s and
I flew home at 27 years old worth more
money than I ever thought I’d see
suddenly life was pretty good bought
that sports car I’d always dreamt about
joining the Country Club built a house
the nicest part of town all the markers
of success were falling into place
have you ever achieved a major life goal
the guide you chase every day what did
that feel like for you when you won I
bet it was amazing
how long did that feeling last and what
did you do next you see many of us are
like the proverbial dog chasing the car
we have no idea what’s going to happen
after we actually sink our teeth into
the tire I remember coming across an
article I’ve discovered a phrase sudden
wealth
syndrome and I remember one quote from
that article a tech executive it struck
it rich he said having more money just
allowed me to make bigger mistakes and
when I heard that I was living those
mistakes and I was feeling the pain of
this thump-thump
of having caught that car with no plan
you see I fancied myself an investor so
I invested in a technology company in
Florida and a services company in
California and a cellular license in the
populous state of Montana and
restaurants throughout Oregon and they
all have one thing in common I lost
every single penny in every single one
of them and along the way I cultivated a
bit of a taste for life in the fast lane
so more travel less accountability and
structure more opportunity for choices
that would compromise my values and
undermine my confidence you see many
people can pass the test of adversity
but a better test of our character to
see how we handle the test of success
losing the money was painful
losing my self-respect that was much
worse I was disappointed I was
embarrassed and perhaps I was humbled
enough I started asking myself better
questions like what’s really motivating
you and how had I screwed things up so
badly so quickly and my life changed
when I got that answer I finally knew
what was wrong with me I hadn’t been
grateful I was many things I was
determined I was driven I was ambitious
but I was not grateful she gratitude is
acknowledging a gift received like that
dog chasing the car I was doing exactly
what came naturally but for many of us
particularly driven personality types
gratitude doesn’t come naturally
ambitious people struggle to feel
satisfaction for two reasons that I’ve
seen first we are so forward focused on
that next challenge and that next
opportunity we never stop
to value what we’ve been given and
appreciate where we’ve come from
and why would we protect what we don’t
value second we believe the path to
satisfaction is through achievement but
satisfaction doesn’t live on the other
side of achievement satisfaction lives
on the other side of gratitude we all
want essentially the same thing
contentment fulfillment peace but the
promise of peace for most of us is this
mythical place we rarely get to visit
and we never get to live I figured out
my default temperament is Triple A
almost always anxious I had to admit I
was often motivated by envy of what
other people had and what other people
were achieving even though I had been
given so much and I’ve learned to use
gratitude as this powerful antidote to
battle these negative emotions that
would flood over me and what I
discovered is that when I filter my
feelings with gratitude gratitude
actually changes those feelings and I
call this entire reorientation process
of my thinking a gratitude adjustment
I’m gonna share with you portions of the
gratitude adjustment that’s meant the
most in the over the last decade now I
do this in the shower because several
reasons first I need a shower every day
and they need gratitude every day but
also I know that I’m not going to get
distracted so here’s what I did I think
about God and I think about the beauty
and the wonder of this natural world and
I just expressed thanks for whatever
comes to mind it could be the colours of
a sunset at the Oregon coast or a
changing of the seasons in the West the
diversity of people and cultures I
express thanks for things I understand
and for things I don’t understand and I
take a step back and I remind myself I
had nothing to do with any of that you
see it’s really important for me to
remember
I’m not holding this all together that
helps me think about forgiveness
accepting forgiveness extending
forgiveness to people who I think might
have wronged me in the past forgiving
myself you know it’s impossible to feel
grateful and hateful at the same time if
you don’t believe that go try it at home
and I like to finish my exercise by
thinking through what I call my domains
the areas where I’ve been given
influence as a father too for our
children as a husband to my high school
sweetheart
as a mentor as an author as a business
owner as an American and I express
thanks for the privilege of serving in
each of those areas in whether an
exercise takes me 2 minutes or 10
minutes if I open up my heart and I get
past the noise in my head without fail
by the time I leave that shower my
emotional outlook is completely changed
you see gratitude changes everything
because it works like a lens through
which we see everything else
Cicero has said gratitude is not only
the greatest of virtues but the parent
of all others dr. Sonia Luba Minsky is
an expert in the field of positive
psychology she’s a professor of
psychology at UC Riverside she earned
her undergrad from Harvard her PhD from
Stanford Sheen her colleagues have done
thousands of hours of research into what
makes us happy and she illustrates this
and a concept she calls the happiness
pie you get to debate on the flavor of
this pie this morning so it turns out
about 50% of what makes people happy is
tied to their genetics we each get a set
point based on our DNA some people are
naturally a little bit happier than
others that’s where we start they
discovered this by researching identical
twins who were raised in completely
different environments and what they
found is despite their completely
different environments they returned to
a very similar set point because of
their DNA so if 50% of what makes us
happy is our DNA what makes up the other
half you might be tempted to think well
our circumstances well not really
in fact our circumstances only make up
10 percent roughly of what makes us
happy so money possessions Beauty social
status that stuff only moves the needle
10% that’s not even a good dessert but
it’s worse than that
this 10% is very unstable sociologists
look at it like a treadmill or an
endless track due to something called
hedonic adaptation
let me explain what that is have you
ever observed when something bad even
traumatic happens in somebody’s life how
over time they learn to deal with it to
cope well hedonic adaptation observes
that when something good even amazing
happens to us we learn to deal with
those new circumstances as well so if
we’re chasing happiness by achievement
and stuff pretty soon that emotional
buzz wears off and we are right back to
chasing again perhaps this is why we as
a culture spend countless hours scouring
the digital pawn shop of our smartphone
while at the same time we’re ignoring
the treasures we already have
but here’s the happiness pie punchline
that gives me so much hope a full 40
percent of what makes us happy is
intentional activity it’s how we think
and it’s the actions that we will take
in response to those thoughts you cannot
change your DNA and by now you may agree
that more stuff isn’t going to do the
trick
either but this 40% you can change this
is where we do the hard work of thinking
through what do we really think is
important in life and making intentional
steps taking intentional activity in
that direction there’s tremendous
satisfaction from making meaningful
progress in an area that you feel is
important I can’t tell you how that
discovery process should work for you
because we’re all unique but I will
strongly suggest start with gratitude
because gratitude gives perspective for
that work of the top 30
character traits the research says that
gratitude uniquely predicts satisfaction
with life 10 years ago I had an
opportunity to lead another company as
president of startup this time I knew I
had to do it differently I wanted to
lead with gratitude the business grew we
became a leader in making smartphones
work inside stadiums and subways and
skyscrapers last year we were fortunate
to sell the business and then I was
having achieved a goal and faced with
that question what’s next you see that
gratitude had prepared me had clarified
what was real and what was important
gratitude is where we discover there’s
abundance headed our way it’s completely
disconnected from our striving it’s
where we learn to take an assessment of
our gifts and our resources and the
opportunities we have to make a
difference in the world
it’s where we make that shift
from being driven to being the one doing
the driving
gratitude clarified for me what’s
important I know now I want to reach for
my potential I want to impact my world
and I want to leave a legacy but I’m not
doing that out of a sense of striving
and chasing know my motivation now is a
response to what I’ve already been given
you see gratitude is really just good
accounting acknowledging a gift received
if you want more happiness more joy more
satisfaction start with gratitude a
gratitude adjustment changes everything
you
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