classes workshops for parents teachers
other counselors on the subject of
attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
more commonly known as ADHD and this is
generally really well received I get
lots of positive feedback lines of
people talking to me afterwards and
asking questions and it goes really well
and because of that I’ve I started
working a lot with people in my private
practice as a counselor on dealing with
not only ADHD but the fallout of living
with ADHD because of that I thought I
want a bigger platform to sort of share
the message about ADHD and what people
need to know now when I posted about
this on my Facebook page I got lots of
positive feedback lots of compliments
you’re gonna do great wish we could be
there how do you think I reacted to that
feedback do you think that I I I soaked
it all in and I thought you know I do
know what I’m talking about I I’m a real
success story actually because if you do
think that’s how I responded I’m
surprised that you think that because
the answer is a solid no I immediately
began to feel self-doubt more than
anything else I started to think and
rethink my introduction how am I gonna
start what am I even gonna talk about
what should my slides be like will they
laugh at my jokes Oh
should it be funny should it be serious
do they want to science do they want my
experience I told my wife I was probably
stewing about where to start about two
or three hours a day before I had
actually even started anything now how
does this happen
it happens because while I was sort of I
fell into ADHD as a specialty as a
counselor but I was I was born into it
as a reality but I didn’t know that I
didn’t know that until after three
decades of being the kid who was
when everybody else was sitting or the
kid who was talking too much in class or
the kid who was staring out the window
daydreaming of not handing things in or
handing them in late at best of showing
up for tests and not knowing that there
was a test or one I’m in my first
semester of university showing up at the
wrong place wrong time wrong day for my
final exam I was a very understanding
Besser I appreciate him it was an
accumulation of comments on my report
cards like this one for my grade six
report card Ted is an alert able student
he has the ability to achieve top marks
he needs to apply himself consistently
over this one I feel he is capable of
higher marks but his immaturity in class
sometimes takes over his desire to do
well or in music
Ted participates well but he could pay
closer attention but could I could I
actually pay closer attention when I was
in grade 2 at tsommo Elementary School I
was paying very close attention one time
to my teacher as she was chewing out a
classmate after school I don’t know what
it was about but I was enthralled with
this and so while I was paying attention
to that I was taking off my indoor shoes
changing to my outdoor shoes and but
because I was so focused on what they
were doing I kind of went into autopilot
and as I took off my shoes I then
proceeded to also take off my pants I
remember them hitting my ankles and
looking up of course this little girl
being the kind of girl who was getting
chewed out by the teacher after class
she took great delight and running to
the playground and announcing Teddy
bawled his pants down in front of the
teacher many of these experiences in my
life left me asking the question
rhetorically how could I do something so
stupid now in terms of maturity when I
was in grade seven I was on in a
cross-country race with a good friend of
mine
school a kid who was running in front of
us slipped on some wet leaves and wiped
out and was quite hurt we were behind
him and so we helped him up and we sort
of cleaned him off walked him back to
his coach comforted him because we were
so mature and I then turned to my friend
and said you know obviously we’re gonna
come in last because of this delay in
the race so I think probably the best
thing is if we cross the finish line at
the exact same time that way we can both
be last together neither one of us is
the last person he said that’s a great
idea
and it was a great idea but I did change
my mind with about a hundred metres to
go
I suddenly sprinted away from him
leaving him to finish last and I felt
sick I couldn’t even look at him but
worse I couldn’t even explain why I had
done that it happened so quickly now in
terms of potential when I was in high
school I played on a pretty successful
rugby team I was a starter I played a
lot of the games about three quarters of
the way through this season I got called
for an offside penalty and I pulled my
friend aside who was also on the team
and I said I could admit I don’t even
know what off site is and his words to
me were so comforting he said I don’t
know either
and as odd as it sounds it felt almost
better to be lost with somebody else
then then it would have to not be lost
at all now in terms of top marks my
average grade in math for example grade
8 through 11 when I was mercifully
released from math forever was a c-minus
a solid well actually Jen very generous
c-minus which also happened to me my
grades in social studies and chemistry
and biology and history see the trend
here I couldn’t even get an A in gym so
the idea that I was capable of achieving
top marks to me was ridiculous I don’t
know how anybody could think that I
would be capable of something more than
just scraping by so when I finally
barely and miraculously graduated from
Walnut Grove secondary in 1994 I
remember walking through the courtyard
after convocation and almost literally
crying tears of joy that I would never
have to go to school again
I hadn’t made it now I don’t want you to
get the wrong idea that that school for
me was completely miserable because it
wasn’t it was just mostly miserable I
did have friends I played sports I
didn’t get in too much trouble but two
things really stood out to me from my
school experience the first was that I
was always a step slow it seemed like I
was always just a bit behind what was
going on around me that I was just
catching bits and pieces of what I was
supposed to be getting well well
everyone else was getting the whole
picture what was going on in my mind was
far more captivating than anything I was
experiencing in a classroom the second
thing that stood out was that I would
inevitably fail and disappoint people
who had high hopes for me because people
were always telling me you have such
potential you can do such great things
the only thing in your way is you
but without a better more accurate
explanation of why it continued to fall
short it led to me developing this core
identity Ted Leavitt master
underachiever and what’s worse than
being told that you have potential is
when people start to compliment you and
and build you up because you start to
feel this weight of expectation that
this is a thing you can do now and the
anxiety starts to build because you
figure it’s only a matter of time before
you’re exposed and they realize you’re
nothing special you’re not that good I’m
not saying that we shouldn’t encourage
people who have ADHD of course we need
encouragement but we need to be mindful
in our rush to positivity
because if that person doesn’t
understand why they’re underachieving
if it feels more like it’s something
that’s happening to them rather than
something they did like it feels like
it’s beyond their control telling them
that they can do great things might be
creating this anxiety within them now if
we live in the jungle and we don’t stop
to smell the pretty flowers every day
nothing Bad’s probably gonna happen but
if we don’t notice the poisonous snakes
really bad things will happen not only
perhaps but for our gene pool because of
that our brains are wired to detect and
hold on to threats more than they are
non threats and what that looks like on
a day-to-day basis is that we are more
likely to retain negative experiences
than positive experiences and when
you’ve got ADHD and you have hundreds of
pages of catalogue of these kinds of
negative events it’s no wonder that we
grow to expect the worst possible
outcome we have that feeling
I think I’m forgetting something because
we probably are forgetting something but
feeling there’s something I’m supposed
to be doing we have because there
probably is something you’re supposed to
be doing we spend so much time waiting
for the other shoe to drop because we’ve
spent so much time looking for the other
shoe I mean literally how do you lose
one shoe you just you take off one shoe
and then walk around with one shoe on
and then eventually take the other one
off or or maybe you take it off and
carry it around with you and you think
I’ll put on top of the fridge I won’t
remember I won’t forget that I put it
there or maybe you actually just left it
with the other shoe but you put your
backpack on top of it and then when you
can look went to look for your shoe you
couldn’t be bothered to move the
backpack so you swore it was gone and
someone stole it and then someone else
comes and moves the back packages it’s
right there and then you feel really
dumb it’s not just me maybe that happens
too
I think this sense of impending doom is
best summed up by the words of my wife
after I’d experienced three positive
outcomes in a row and she looked at me
with concern and said that’s too many
good things and she was right a month
later I was in the hospital with kidney
stones so this sense of impending doom
and disaster and falling short is known
as learned helplessness learned
helplessness is a tendency to give up
easily when things get hard or to not
even try in the first place because you
assume that it will get hard and that
you will fail or give up now amongst the
clients to come to see me in my private
practice those who meet the diagnostic
criteria for ADHD show levels have
learned helplessness almost twice as
high as the rest of my clients as
indicated by this helpful chart when you
realize the implications of that graph
how miraculous is it that they’ve even
come to my office but it also indicates
one of the very cool paradoxes of the
ADHD brain and that is the simultaneous
experience of hopelessness and optimism
now if you think about it how would I
have accumulated so many experiences of
falling short or failure if I hadn’t
kept trying we excel in giving up and
getting up the same brain function that
makes it difficult for me to learn from
my mistakes and continue to repeat them
is the same thing that allows me to put
those mistakes in the rearview mirror
and look forward to the next challenge
swearing this times different now after
three decades of this I bought a book
called scattered Minds by dr. Gabor maté
a and I finally saw my life explained
with four letters ADHD I went to a
doctor I started taking a medication
it immediately started to help my
ability to focus pay attention regulate
myself I finally had an explanation for
what was previously called laziness or
stupidity moodiness bad attitude I
finally understood restlessness is not a
crime and eventually I would come to
understand that my ADHD brain has just
as many enhancements as it does
annoyances but after all this knowledge
and learning and experience those labels
are pretty hard to shake now how could
this have been prevented when I when I
posted these comments on my Facebook
page from my report card one of my
father was asked so what should the
teacher have said instead I said well
nothing really I mean they were
factually accurate statements I was
disorganized I was forgetful I was
immature I was inconsistent and I was
capable but what they didn’t understand
was the difference between capability
and capacity on paper my brain had all
of the abilities necessary to do what
school was asking of me but life isn’t
lived on paper in reality my brain did
not have the natural capacity to take
all of those capabilities and put them
into practice ADHD is well known as
being a difficulty doing what you know
now what if a different explanation was
offered that my brain is just different
not less that it was wired differently
and that those differences were
something to be celebrated but also
compensated for and enjoyed but worked
around and encouraged to be but also
supported by a system that could channel
me in the right direction
what if along with focusing on my
tendency to give up we focused on my
tendency to keep
when I was in elementary school I was
visiting a good friend of mine and for
fun he would build detailed models of
Star Wars spaceships I I too loved the
idea of building models I loved the idea
I mean I literally couldn’t wait to
finish the paint took too long the glue
took too long there was too many parts
and too many instructions and most of my
models ended up on fire in the backyard
smashed by a hammer my friend didn’t
have that problem he had quite the
prolific collection so one day I was at
his house and I was climbing down from
the top bunk and I put my hand on a
shelf that held all of his Star Wars
spaceships naively believing that
shelves on the wall are fastened to the
wall I can tell where your groans you
can see where this is going as I leaned
my weight on the Shelf it launched his
spaceships like a catapult across the
room where they smashed to the floor in
pieces I felt sick instantly it was
probably one of the lowest moments of my
life
it couldn’t be taken back it couldn’t be
fixed now his dad heard the commotion
and came rushing in and how do you think
he handled it do you think he said hey
that’s all right Ted everyone makes
mistakes did he say my bad
I should have fastened the shelf or you
know what Ted what is the value of
objects compared to the value of
no no that’s not what he did he looked
down at me and asked that question that
I’d asked of myself so many times Ted
I’d ask that question so many times of
myself last summer I had the opportunity
to help out at a summer camp for kids
around ten to twelve boys and girls full
of energy very differing levels of
interest in what we were doing there was
one kid in particular who I recognized I
recognized myself he was always a step
slow he was lost in his mind he was
curious about what we were doing he was
introspective but that introspection was
coming at the price of actually
following instructions and doing what he
was supposed to do so he spent a lot of
time actually getting scolded by the
troop leader what are you doing over
there what did I say to do I finally
felt bad enough for the kid that I
pulled him aside and I said you’re not
really a standing in line kind of guy
area and he said no I’m not I said yeah
I’m not either
I think Robby has something to do with
my ADHD brain and he looked at me and
said you have ADHD I have ADHD and I
said yeah I can tell and his face went
red but it wasn’t the blush of
embarrassment I know that one really
well this is different
this was the blush that comes with
feeling connected to somebody feeling
that for the first time a grown-up could
this was my investment in relatability paying off thank you