[Music]
[Music] you
I’m sorry for failing you and letting
I’m sorry for failing you and letting you down but the reality is that my
you down but the reality is that my
you down but the reality is that my fighters one that was never going to be
fighters one that was never going to be
fighters one that was never going to be one I fought for years but I just can’t
one I fought for years but I just can’t
one I fought for years but I just can’t do this anymore I’m sorry I love you
do this anymore I’m sorry I love you
do this anymore I’m sorry I love you goodbye that was a suicide note that I
goodbye that was a suicide note that I
goodbye that was a suicide note that I wrote after my final suicide attempt I
wrote after my final suicide attempt I
wrote after my final suicide attempt I say final because I had struggled with
say final because I had struggled with
say final because I had struggled with nine years of suicidal tendencies a
nine years of suicidal tendencies a
nine years of suicidal tendencies a mental illness with my first ever
mental illness with my first ever
mental illness with my first ever suicide attempt being at just 12 years
suicide attempt being at just 12 years
suicide attempt being at just 12 years old now I don’t know if as a 12 year old
old now I don’t know if as a 12 year old
old now I don’t know if as a 12 year old I knew that if I took my life that I
I knew that if I took my life that I
I knew that if I took my life that I would never wake up again but I really
would never wake up again but I really
would never wake up again but I really don’t think that I cared I just wanted
don’t think that I cared I just wanted
don’t think that I cared I just wanted the pain to end but you see after my
the pain to end but you see after my
the pain to end but you see after my final attempt I had a conversation that
final attempt I had a conversation that
final attempt I had a conversation that changed everything it was a conversation
changed everything it was a conversation
changed everything it was a conversation with my mentor and I remember I was just
with my mentor and I remember I was just
with my mentor and I remember I was just sitting there bawling my eyes out and
sitting there bawling my eyes out and
sitting there bawling my eyes out and she looked at me and goes jazz why are
she looked at me and goes jazz why are
she looked at me and goes jazz why are you crying and I just turned to her and
you crying and I just turned to her and
you crying and I just turned to her and said I’m just so tired of fighting and
said I’m just so tired of fighting and
said I’m just so tired of fighting and she looked at me and goes jazz what did
she looked at me and goes jazz what did
she looked at me and goes jazz what did you think the definition of fighting is
you think the definition of fighting is
you think the definition of fighting is because I don’t think that you’re
because I don’t think that you’re
because I don’t think that you’re fighting I think you’re only surviving
fighting I think you’re only surviving
fighting I think you’re only surviving and it’s only when you learn how to
and it’s only when you learn how to
and it’s only when you learn how to fight that the change that you’re
fight that the change that you’re
fight that the change that you’re longing to see is going to happen and I
longing to see is going to happen and I
longing to see is going to happen and I remember taking that and going okay if
remember taking that and going okay if
remember taking that and going okay if I’ve actually just been surviving this
I’ve actually just been surviving this
I’ve actually just been surviving this whole time and and fighting might
whole time and and fighting might
whole time and and fighting might actually change something you know I’ve
actually change something you know I’ve
actually change something you know I’ve got to learn how to do that and so today
got to learn how to do that and so today
got to learn how to do that and so today I want to share with you a very hard but
I want to share with you a very hard but
I want to share with you a very hard but very valuable lesson that I have learned
very valuable lesson that I have learned
very valuable lesson that I have learned stop surviving your situation and start
stop surviving your situation and start
stop surviving your situation and start fighting for your freedom now the first
fighting for your freedom now the first
fighting for your freedom now the first thing that I had to do was that I had to
thing that I had to do was that I had to
thing that I had to do was that I had to figure out what the difference was
figure out what the difference was
figure out what the difference was between surviving and fighting and so I
between surviving and fighting and so I
between surviving and fighting and so I did what any self-respecting research to
did what any self-respecting research to
did what any self-respecting research to a do and I googled the definitions the
a do and I googled the definitions the
a do and I googled the definitions the definition of surviving is to continue
definition of surviving is to continue
definition of surviving is to continue to live or exist in hardship managed to
to live or exist in hardship managed to
to live or exist in hardship managed to keep going and difficult circumstances
keep going and difficult circumstances
keep going and difficult circumstances you know having a survival instinct is
you know having a survival instinct is
you know having a survival instinct is important it’s it’s what keeps us going
important it’s it’s what keeps us going
important it’s it’s what keeps us going when times are tough but a study says
when times are tough but a study says
when times are tough but a study says that one in four people
that one in four people
that one in four people with a mental illness and eighty percent
with a mental illness and eighty percent
with a mental illness and eighty percent of all people will at one point in their
of all people will at one point in their
of all people will at one point in their life has a suicidal thought this
life has a suicidal thought this
life has a suicidal thought this epidemic that we call suicide is no
epidemic that we call suicide is no
epidemic that we call suicide is no longer something that we can simply
longer something that we can simply
longer something that we can simply survive through but we must learn how to
survive through but we must learn how to
survive through but we must learn how to fight and so the definition of fighting
fight and so the definition of fighting
fight and so the definition of fighting is to engage in a battle or war fight to
is to engage in a battle or war fight to
is to engage in a battle or war fight to overcome and destroy an adversary the
overcome and destroy an adversary the
overcome and destroy an adversary the very first thing that caught my eye
very first thing that caught my eye
very first thing that caught my eye about that definition was the word
about that definition was the word
about that definition was the word engage to engage in a battle or war now
engage to engage in a battle or war now
engage to engage in a battle or war now I know that sounds like hard but it’s
I know that sounds like hard but it’s
I know that sounds like hard but it’s actually really simple psychology today
actually really simple psychology today
actually really simple psychology today says that people who are struggling with
says that people who are struggling with
says that people who are struggling with suicidal tendencies often find it hard
suicidal tendencies often find it hard
suicidal tendencies often find it hard to engage because they get negative
to engage because they get negative
to engage because they get negative thought patterns stuck in their brain
thought patterns stuck in their brain
thought patterns stuck in their brain they just kind of stay on repeat
they just kind of stay on repeat
they just kind of stay on repeat they call it rumination ruminating is
they call it rumination ruminating is
they call it rumination ruminating is simply going over and over and over and
simply going over and over and over and
simply going over and over and over and over and over and over a thought without
over and over and over a thought without
over and over and over a thought without completion when you’re feeling suicidal
completion when you’re feeling suicidal
completion when you’re feeling suicidal often these thoughts are around
often these thoughts are around
often these thoughts are around inadequacy you’re feeling worthless and
inadequacy you’re feeling worthless and
inadequacy you’re feeling worthless and having these thoughts raises anxiety and
having these thoughts raises anxiety and
having these thoughts raises anxiety and anxiety interferes with our ability to
anxiety interferes with our ability to
anxiety interferes with our ability to solve the problem then the depression
solve the problem then the depression
solve the problem then the depression deepens and that is the starting point
deepens and that is the starting point
deepens and that is the starting point of fighting for your future it was the
of fighting for your future it was the
of fighting for your future it was the starting points of fighting for my
starting points of fighting for my
starting points of fighting for my future I had to begin to break the
future I had to begin to break the
future I had to begin to break the pattern of rumination in my life and
pattern of rumination in my life and
pattern of rumination in my life and engage in the battle and so for me the
engage in the battle and so for me the
engage in the battle and so for me the beliefs that I held tightly were that
beliefs that I held tightly were that
beliefs that I held tightly were that I’m unlovable and that I’m a burden and
I’m unlovable and that I’m a burden and
I’m unlovable and that I’m a burden and so what I did to fight was that I wrote
so what I did to fight was that I wrote
so what I did to fight was that I wrote them down on a piece of paper I drew a
them down on a piece of paper I drew a
them down on a piece of paper I drew a line and on the other side I wrote down
line and on the other side I wrote down
line and on the other side I wrote down everything that those closest to me seed
everything that those closest to me seed
everything that those closest to me seed ordered that contradicted those beliefs
ordered that contradicted those beliefs
ordered that contradicted those beliefs so that every time my mind would say
so that every time my mind would say
so that every time my mind would say jazz you’re unlovable jazz you’re a
jazz you’re unlovable jazz you’re a
jazz you’re unlovable jazz you’re a burden I would pull this list out and I
burden I would pull this list out and I
burden I would pull this list out and I would have rock-hard evidence in front
would have rock-hard evidence in front
would have rock-hard evidence in front of me that my internal reality wasn’t
of me that my internal reality wasn’t
of me that my internal reality wasn’t matching the external truth and for
matching the external truth and for
matching the external truth and for people that know someone who’s
people that know someone who’s
people that know someone who’s struggling with suicidal tendencies this
struggling with suicidal tendencies this
struggling with suicidal tendencies this is something that’s key for you to
is something that’s key for you to
is something that’s key for you to remember that it’s not about behavior
remember that it’s not about behavior
remember that it’s not about behavior modification but about belief correction
modification but about belief correction
modification but about belief correction another thing they had to do is that I
another thing they had to do is that I
another thing they had to do is that I had to start engaging in honesty honesty
had to start engaging in honesty honesty
had to start engaging in honesty honesty breaks pride
breaks pride
breaks pride brings humility and when you’re
brings humility and when you’re
brings humility and when you’re struggling it’s so easy to isolate put
struggling it’s so easy to isolate put
struggling it’s so easy to isolate put up walls pretend everything’s okay but
up walls pretend everything’s okay but
up walls pretend everything’s okay but all that does is just reinforces the
all that does is just reinforces the
all that does is just reinforces the beliefs that you’re alone one of the
beliefs that you’re alone one of the
beliefs that you’re alone one of the other things I started doing was that I
other things I started doing was that I
other things I started doing was that I had to learn to dream again because
had to learn to dream again because
had to learn to dream again because here’s the thing it’s impossible to
here’s the thing it’s impossible to
here’s the thing it’s impossible to fight if you don’t know what you’re
fight if you don’t know what you’re
fight if you don’t know what you’re fighting for and so when I was sitting
fighting for and so when I was sitting
fighting for and so when I was sitting in the psychiatric unit I was starting
in the psychiatric unit I was starting
in the psychiatric unit I was starting to write out okay what do I want to do
to write out okay what do I want to do
to write out okay what do I want to do with my future what do I want to do with
with my future what do I want to do with
with my future what do I want to do with tomorrow what are the things that I
tomorrow what are the things that I
tomorrow what are the things that I would want to achieve if I didn’t have
would want to achieve if I didn’t have
would want to achieve if I didn’t have any barriers what would it be and you
any barriers what would it be and you
any barriers what would it be and you know can I just say that it doesn’t take
know can I just say that it doesn’t take
know can I just say that it doesn’t take just one person to save someone for me
just one person to save someone for me
just one person to save someone for me it took my mentor it took friends I took
it took my mentor it took friends I took
it took my mentor it took friends I took a community it took a psychologist to be
a community it took a psychologist to be
a community it took a psychologist to be able to get me to a space where I could
able to get me to a space where I could
able to get me to a space where I could learn to fight for myself and then save
learn to fight for myself and then save
learn to fight for myself and then save my own life and then one of the final
my own life and then one of the final
my own life and then one of the final and probably most significant things
and probably most significant things
and probably most significant things that I did to fight was that I wrote a
that I did to fight was that I wrote a
that I did to fight was that I wrote a letter called dear suicide on me it was
letter called dear suicide on me it was
letter called dear suicide on me it was a letter that I wrote when I had kind of
a letter that I wrote when I had kind of
a letter that I wrote when I had kind of a good day and you know I psychologists
a good day and you know I psychologists
a good day and you know I psychologists often talk about safety plans which are
often talk about safety plans which are
often talk about safety plans which are great but it’s a whole nother thing when
great but it’s a whole nother thing when
great but it’s a whole nother thing when it comes from yourself and so when I had
it comes from yourself and so when I had
it comes from yourself and so when I had that slightly good day
that slightly good day
that slightly good day I wrote this dear suicidal me if you’re
I wrote this dear suicidal me if you’re
I wrote this dear suicidal me if you’re reading this then I’m guessing that
reading this then I’m guessing that
reading this then I’m guessing that things aren’t going too well for you I
things aren’t going too well for you I
things aren’t going too well for you I know it probably seems impossible that
know it probably seems impossible that
know it probably seems impossible that you’ve gone around in another circle and
you’ve gone around in another circle and
you’ve gone around in another circle and it will be better with you gone you
it will be better with you gone you
it will be better with you gone you think that you’re a burden to everyone
think that you’re a burden to everyone
think that you’re a burden to everyone around you and that no one could
around you and that no one could
around you and that no one could possibly love you but you were wrong
possibly love you but you were wrong
possibly love you but you were wrong there are people who love you you know
there are people who love you you know
there are people who love you you know what you need to do to bring yourself
what you need to do to bring yourself
what you need to do to bring yourself back from this space put on
back from this space put on
back from this space put on inspirational music not sad music like
inspirational music not sad music like
inspirational music not sad music like you always do you know what makes you
you always do you know what makes you
you always do you know what makes you feel worth it you still choose to do it
feel worth it you still choose to do it
feel worth it you still choose to do it ticks Esther Wayne or Libby remember you
ticks Esther Wayne or Libby remember you
ticks Esther Wayne or Libby remember you are not alone people care so please get
are not alone people care so please get
are not alone people care so please get over your pride and fear and reach out
over your pride and fear and reach out
over your pride and fear and reach out they would rather have you Missy and
they would rather have you Missy and
they would rather have you Missy and alive than not here at all you are so
alive than not here at all you are so
alive than not here at all you are so close to being free of all of this don’t
close to being free of all of this don’t
close to being free of all of this don’t give up now remember who
give up now remember who
give up now remember who and what you were fighting for people do
and what you were fighting for people do
and what you were fighting for people do care about you and you have a future
care about you and you have a future
care about you and you have a future it’s not about battling your past but
it’s not about battling your past but
it’s not about battling your past but fighting for your future start fighting
fighting for your future start fighting
fighting for your future start fighting right now take those steps you got this
right now take those steps you got this
right now take those steps you got this jazz it’s not about paddling it’s not
jazz it’s not about paddling it’s not
jazz it’s not about paddling it’s not about battling your past but fighting
about battling your past but fighting
about battling your past but fighting for your future and you know the dreams
for your future and you know the dreams
for your future and you know the dreams that I once had when I was sitting in
that I once had when I was sitting in
that I once had when I was sitting in that psych unit were dreams of one day
that psych unit were dreams of one day
that psych unit were dreams of one day being able to tell my story in a way
being able to tell my story in a way
being able to tell my story in a way that maybe it could provide hope for
that maybe it could provide hope for
that maybe it could provide hope for other people that one day I could maybe
other people that one day I could maybe
other people that one day I could maybe be involved in film and television
be involved in film and television
be involved in film and television telling stories that matter and let me
telling stories that matter and let me
telling stories that matter and let me tell you this at the start of 2017 a
tell you this at the start of 2017 a
tell you this at the start of 2017 a friend and I we launched a charity
friend and I we launched a charity
friend and I we launched a charity called voices of Hope and now every
called voices of Hope and now every
called voices of Hope and now every single day of my life I get to spin that
single day of my life I get to spin that
single day of my life I get to spin that speaking hope I get to create online
speaking hope I get to create online
speaking hope I get to create online video content in campaigns around mental
video content in campaigns around mental
video content in campaigns around mental health and suicide we’ve spoken in high
health and suicide we’ve spoken in high
health and suicide we’ve spoken in high schools across Australia New Zealand at
schools across Australia New Zealand at
schools across Australia New Zealand at at events around the globe speaking hope
at events around the globe speaking hope
at events around the globe speaking hope sharing our stories and you know the
sharing our stories and you know the
sharing our stories and you know the very first video that I ever directed
very first video that I ever directed
very first video that I ever directed for us was a video called dear suicidal
for us was a video called dear suicidal
for us was a video called dear suicidal me it was a video inspired by that
me it was a video inspired by that
me it was a video inspired by that leader that I wrote but this time
leader that I wrote but this time
leader that I wrote but this time instead of the leaders being to the
instead of the leaders being to the
instead of the leaders being to the Future suicidal self I had people
Future suicidal self I had people
Future suicidal self I had people writing letters to their past suicidal
writing letters to their past suicidal
writing letters to their past suicidal selves hope-filled leaders their video
selves hope-filled leaders their video
selves hope-filled leaders their video now sets at over 80 million views with
now sets at over 80 million views with
now sets at over 80 million views with hundreds of thousands of people
hundreds of thousands of people
hundreds of thousands of people contacting us saying that they’ve seen
contacting us saying that they’ve seen
contacting us saying that they’ve seen hope in a way that they’ve never seen it
hope in a way that they’ve never seen it
hope in a way that they’ve never seen it before now I tell you all of that so
before now I tell you all of that so
before now I tell you all of that so that these words mean something that
that these words mean something that
that these words mean something that hope is real surviving as being on the
hope is real surviving as being on the
hope is real surviving as being on the backfoot fighting as being on the front
backfoot fighting as being on the front
backfoot fighting as being on the front foot change is possible I am proof thank
foot change is possible I am proof thank
foot change is possible I am proof thank you
you
you [Applause]
[Music] you
I’m sorry for failing you and letting
I’m sorry for failing you and letting you down but the reality is that my
you down but the reality is that my
you down but the reality is that my fighters one that was never going to be
fighters one that was never going to be
fighters one that was never going to be one I fought for years but I just can’t
one I fought for years but I just can’t
one I fought for years but I just can’t do this anymore I’m sorry I love you
do this anymore I’m sorry I love you
do this anymore I’m sorry I love you goodbye that was a suicide note that I
goodbye that was a suicide note that I
goodbye that was a suicide note that I wrote after my final suicide attempt I
wrote after my final suicide attempt I
wrote after my final suicide attempt I say final because I had struggled with
say final because I had struggled with
say final because I had struggled with nine years of suicidal tendencies a
nine years of suicidal tendencies a
nine years of suicidal tendencies a mental illness with my first ever
mental illness with my first ever
mental illness with my first ever suicide attempt being at just 12 years
suicide attempt being at just 12 years
suicide attempt being at just 12 years old now I don’t know if as a 12 year old
old now I don’t know if as a 12 year old
old now I don’t know if as a 12 year old I knew that if I took my life that I
I knew that if I took my life that I
I knew that if I took my life that I would never wake up again but I really
would never wake up again but I really
would never wake up again but I really don’t think that I cared I just wanted
don’t think that I cared I just wanted
don’t think that I cared I just wanted the pain to end but you see after my
the pain to end but you see after my
the pain to end but you see after my final attempt I had a conversation that
final attempt I had a conversation that
final attempt I had a conversation that changed everything it was a conversation
changed everything it was a conversation
changed everything it was a conversation with my mentor and I remember I was just
with my mentor and I remember I was just
with my mentor and I remember I was just sitting there bawling my eyes out and
sitting there bawling my eyes out and
sitting there bawling my eyes out and she looked at me and goes jazz why are
she looked at me and goes jazz why are
she looked at me and goes jazz why are you crying and I just turned to her and
you crying and I just turned to her and
you crying and I just turned to her and said I’m just so tired of fighting and
said I’m just so tired of fighting and
said I’m just so tired of fighting and she looked at me and goes jazz what did
she looked at me and goes jazz what did
she looked at me and goes jazz what did you think the definition of fighting is
you think the definition of fighting is
you think the definition of fighting is because I don’t think that you’re
because I don’t think that you’re
because I don’t think that you’re fighting I think you’re only surviving
fighting I think you’re only surviving
fighting I think you’re only surviving and it’s only when you learn how to
and it’s only when you learn how to
and it’s only when you learn how to fight that the change that you’re
fight that the change that you’re
fight that the change that you’re longing to see is going to happen and I
longing to see is going to happen and I
longing to see is going to happen and I remember taking that and going okay if
remember taking that and going okay if
remember taking that and going okay if I’ve actually just been surviving this
I’ve actually just been surviving this
I’ve actually just been surviving this whole time and and fighting might
whole time and and fighting might
whole time and and fighting might actually change something you know I’ve
actually change something you know I’ve
actually change something you know I’ve got to learn how to do that and so today
got to learn how to do that and so today
got to learn how to do that and so today I want to share with you a very hard but
I want to share with you a very hard but
I want to share with you a very hard but very valuable lesson that I have learned
very valuable lesson that I have learned
very valuable lesson that I have learned stop surviving your situation and start
stop surviving your situation and start
stop surviving your situation and start fighting for your freedom now the first
fighting for your freedom now the first
fighting for your freedom now the first thing that I had to do was that I had to
thing that I had to do was that I had to
thing that I had to do was that I had to figure out what the difference was
figure out what the difference was
figure out what the difference was between surviving and fighting and so I
between surviving and fighting and so I
between surviving and fighting and so I did what any self-respecting research to
did what any self-respecting research to
did what any self-respecting research to a do and I googled the definitions the
a do and I googled the definitions the
a do and I googled the definitions the definition of surviving is to continue
definition of surviving is to continue
definition of surviving is to continue to live or exist in hardship managed to
to live or exist in hardship managed to
to live or exist in hardship managed to keep going and difficult circumstances
keep going and difficult circumstances
keep going and difficult circumstances you know having a survival instinct is
you know having a survival instinct is
you know having a survival instinct is important it’s it’s what keeps us going
important it’s it’s what keeps us going
important it’s it’s what keeps us going when times are tough but a study says
when times are tough but a study says
when times are tough but a study says that one in four people
that one in four people
that one in four people with a mental illness and eighty percent
with a mental illness and eighty percent
with a mental illness and eighty percent of all people will at one point in their
of all people will at one point in their
of all people will at one point in their life has a suicidal thought this
life has a suicidal thought this
life has a suicidal thought this epidemic that we call suicide is no
epidemic that we call suicide is no
epidemic that we call suicide is no longer something that we can simply
longer something that we can simply
longer something that we can simply survive through but we must learn how to
survive through but we must learn how to
survive through but we must learn how to fight and so the definition of fighting
fight and so the definition of fighting
fight and so the definition of fighting is to engage in a battle or war fight to
is to engage in a battle or war fight to
is to engage in a battle or war fight to overcome and destroy an adversary the
overcome and destroy an adversary the
overcome and destroy an adversary the very first thing that caught my eye
very first thing that caught my eye
very first thing that caught my eye about that definition was the word
about that definition was the word
about that definition was the word engage to engage in a battle or war now
engage to engage in a battle or war now
engage to engage in a battle or war now I know that sounds like hard but it’s
I know that sounds like hard but it’s
I know that sounds like hard but it’s actually really simple psychology today
actually really simple psychology today
actually really simple psychology today says that people who are struggling with
says that people who are struggling with
says that people who are struggling with suicidal tendencies often find it hard
suicidal tendencies often find it hard
suicidal tendencies often find it hard to engage because they get negative
to engage because they get negative
to engage because they get negative thought patterns stuck in their brain
thought patterns stuck in their brain
thought patterns stuck in their brain they just kind of stay on repeat
they just kind of stay on repeat
they just kind of stay on repeat they call it rumination ruminating is
they call it rumination ruminating is
they call it rumination ruminating is simply going over and over and over and
simply going over and over and over and
simply going over and over and over and over and over and over a thought without
over and over and over a thought without
over and over and over a thought without completion when you’re feeling suicidal
completion when you’re feeling suicidal
completion when you’re feeling suicidal often these thoughts are around
often these thoughts are around
often these thoughts are around inadequacy you’re feeling worthless and
inadequacy you’re feeling worthless and
inadequacy you’re feeling worthless and having these thoughts raises anxiety and
having these thoughts raises anxiety and
having these thoughts raises anxiety and anxiety interferes with our ability to
anxiety interferes with our ability to
anxiety interferes with our ability to solve the problem then the depression
solve the problem then the depression
solve the problem then the depression deepens and that is the starting point
deepens and that is the starting point
deepens and that is the starting point of fighting for your future it was the
of fighting for your future it was the
of fighting for your future it was the starting points of fighting for my
starting points of fighting for my
starting points of fighting for my future I had to begin to break the
future I had to begin to break the
future I had to begin to break the pattern of rumination in my life and
pattern of rumination in my life and
pattern of rumination in my life and engage in the battle and so for me the
engage in the battle and so for me the
engage in the battle and so for me the beliefs that I held tightly were that
beliefs that I held tightly were that
beliefs that I held tightly were that I’m unlovable and that I’m a burden and
I’m unlovable and that I’m a burden and
I’m unlovable and that I’m a burden and so what I did to fight was that I wrote
so what I did to fight was that I wrote
so what I did to fight was that I wrote them down on a piece of paper I drew a
them down on a piece of paper I drew a
them down on a piece of paper I drew a line and on the other side I wrote down
line and on the other side I wrote down
line and on the other side I wrote down everything that those closest to me seed
everything that those closest to me seed
everything that those closest to me seed ordered that contradicted those beliefs
ordered that contradicted those beliefs
ordered that contradicted those beliefs so that every time my mind would say
so that every time my mind would say
so that every time my mind would say jazz you’re unlovable jazz you’re a
jazz you’re unlovable jazz you’re a
jazz you’re unlovable jazz you’re a burden I would pull this list out and I
burden I would pull this list out and I
burden I would pull this list out and I would have rock-hard evidence in front
would have rock-hard evidence in front
would have rock-hard evidence in front of me that my internal reality wasn’t
of me that my internal reality wasn’t
of me that my internal reality wasn’t matching the external truth and for
matching the external truth and for
matching the external truth and for people that know someone who’s
people that know someone who’s
people that know someone who’s struggling with suicidal tendencies this
struggling with suicidal tendencies this
struggling with suicidal tendencies this is something that’s key for you to
is something that’s key for you to
is something that’s key for you to remember that it’s not about behavior
remember that it’s not about behavior
remember that it’s not about behavior modification but about belief correction
modification but about belief correction
modification but about belief correction another thing they had to do is that I
another thing they had to do is that I
another thing they had to do is that I had to start engaging in honesty honesty
had to start engaging in honesty honesty
had to start engaging in honesty honesty breaks pride
breaks pride
breaks pride brings humility and when you’re
brings humility and when you’re
brings humility and when you’re struggling it’s so easy to isolate put
struggling it’s so easy to isolate put
struggling it’s so easy to isolate put up walls pretend everything’s okay but
up walls pretend everything’s okay but
up walls pretend everything’s okay but all that does is just reinforces the
all that does is just reinforces the
all that does is just reinforces the beliefs that you’re alone one of the
beliefs that you’re alone one of the
beliefs that you’re alone one of the other things I started doing was that I
other things I started doing was that I
other things I started doing was that I had to learn to dream again because
had to learn to dream again because
had to learn to dream again because here’s the thing it’s impossible to
here’s the thing it’s impossible to
here’s the thing it’s impossible to fight if you don’t know what you’re
fight if you don’t know what you’re
fight if you don’t know what you’re fighting for and so when I was sitting
fighting for and so when I was sitting
fighting for and so when I was sitting in the psychiatric unit I was starting
in the psychiatric unit I was starting
in the psychiatric unit I was starting to write out okay what do I want to do
to write out okay what do I want to do
to write out okay what do I want to do with my future what do I want to do with
with my future what do I want to do with
with my future what do I want to do with tomorrow what are the things that I
tomorrow what are the things that I
tomorrow what are the things that I would want to achieve if I didn’t have
would want to achieve if I didn’t have
would want to achieve if I didn’t have any barriers what would it be and you
any barriers what would it be and you
any barriers what would it be and you know can I just say that it doesn’t take
know can I just say that it doesn’t take
know can I just say that it doesn’t take just one person to save someone for me
just one person to save someone for me
just one person to save someone for me it took my mentor it took friends I took
it took my mentor it took friends I took
it took my mentor it took friends I took a community it took a psychologist to be
a community it took a psychologist to be
a community it took a psychologist to be able to get me to a space where I could
able to get me to a space where I could
able to get me to a space where I could learn to fight for myself and then save
learn to fight for myself and then save
learn to fight for myself and then save my own life and then one of the final
my own life and then one of the final
my own life and then one of the final and probably most significant things
and probably most significant things
and probably most significant things that I did to fight was that I wrote a
that I did to fight was that I wrote a
that I did to fight was that I wrote a letter called dear suicide on me it was
letter called dear suicide on me it was
letter called dear suicide on me it was a letter that I wrote when I had kind of
a letter that I wrote when I had kind of
a letter that I wrote when I had kind of a good day and you know I psychologists
a good day and you know I psychologists
a good day and you know I psychologists often talk about safety plans which are
often talk about safety plans which are
often talk about safety plans which are great but it’s a whole nother thing when
great but it’s a whole nother thing when
great but it’s a whole nother thing when it comes from yourself and so when I had
it comes from yourself and so when I had
it comes from yourself and so when I had that slightly good day
that slightly good day
that slightly good day I wrote this dear suicidal me if you’re
I wrote this dear suicidal me if you’re
I wrote this dear suicidal me if you’re reading this then I’m guessing that
reading this then I’m guessing that
reading this then I’m guessing that things aren’t going too well for you I
things aren’t going too well for you I
things aren’t going too well for you I know it probably seems impossible that
know it probably seems impossible that
know it probably seems impossible that you’ve gone around in another circle and
you’ve gone around in another circle and
you’ve gone around in another circle and it will be better with you gone you
it will be better with you gone you
it will be better with you gone you think that you’re a burden to everyone
think that you’re a burden to everyone
think that you’re a burden to everyone around you and that no one could
around you and that no one could
around you and that no one could possibly love you but you were wrong
possibly love you but you were wrong
possibly love you but you were wrong there are people who love you you know
there are people who love you you know
there are people who love you you know what you need to do to bring yourself
what you need to do to bring yourself
what you need to do to bring yourself back from this space put on
back from this space put on
back from this space put on inspirational music not sad music like
inspirational music not sad music like
inspirational music not sad music like you always do you know what makes you
you always do you know what makes you
you always do you know what makes you feel worth it you still choose to do it
feel worth it you still choose to do it
feel worth it you still choose to do it ticks Esther Wayne or Libby remember you
ticks Esther Wayne or Libby remember you
ticks Esther Wayne or Libby remember you are not alone people care so please get
are not alone people care so please get
are not alone people care so please get over your pride and fear and reach out
over your pride and fear and reach out
over your pride and fear and reach out they would rather have you Missy and
they would rather have you Missy and
they would rather have you Missy and alive than not here at all you are so
alive than not here at all you are so
alive than not here at all you are so close to being free of all of this don’t
close to being free of all of this don’t
close to being free of all of this don’t give up now remember who
give up now remember who
give up now remember who and what you were fighting for people do
and what you were fighting for people do
and what you were fighting for people do care about you and you have a future
care about you and you have a future
care about you and you have a future it’s not about battling your past but
it’s not about battling your past but
it’s not about battling your past but fighting for your future start fighting
fighting for your future start fighting
fighting for your future start fighting right now take those steps you got this
right now take those steps you got this
right now take those steps you got this jazz it’s not about paddling it’s not
jazz it’s not about paddling it’s not
jazz it’s not about paddling it’s not about battling your past but fighting
about battling your past but fighting
about battling your past but fighting for your future and you know the dreams
for your future and you know the dreams
for your future and you know the dreams that I once had when I was sitting in
that I once had when I was sitting in
that I once had when I was sitting in that psych unit were dreams of one day
that psych unit were dreams of one day
that psych unit were dreams of one day being able to tell my story in a way
being able to tell my story in a way
being able to tell my story in a way that maybe it could provide hope for
that maybe it could provide hope for
that maybe it could provide hope for other people that one day I could maybe
other people that one day I could maybe
other people that one day I could maybe be involved in film and television
be involved in film and television
be involved in film and television telling stories that matter and let me
telling stories that matter and let me
telling stories that matter and let me tell you this at the start of 2017 a
tell you this at the start of 2017 a
tell you this at the start of 2017 a friend and I we launched a charity
friend and I we launched a charity
friend and I we launched a charity called voices of Hope and now every
called voices of Hope and now every
called voices of Hope and now every single day of my life I get to spin that
single day of my life I get to spin that
single day of my life I get to spin that speaking hope I get to create online
speaking hope I get to create online
speaking hope I get to create online video content in campaigns around mental
video content in campaigns around mental
video content in campaigns around mental health and suicide we’ve spoken in high
health and suicide we’ve spoken in high
health and suicide we’ve spoken in high schools across Australia New Zealand at
schools across Australia New Zealand at
schools across Australia New Zealand at at events around the globe speaking hope
at events around the globe speaking hope
at events around the globe speaking hope sharing our stories and you know the
sharing our stories and you know the
sharing our stories and you know the very first video that I ever directed
very first video that I ever directed
very first video that I ever directed for us was a video called dear suicidal
for us was a video called dear suicidal
for us was a video called dear suicidal me it was a video inspired by that
me it was a video inspired by that
me it was a video inspired by that leader that I wrote but this time
leader that I wrote but this time
leader that I wrote but this time instead of the leaders being to the
instead of the leaders being to the
instead of the leaders being to the Future suicidal self I had people
Future suicidal self I had people
Future suicidal self I had people writing letters to their past suicidal
writing letters to their past suicidal
writing letters to their past suicidal selves hope-filled leaders their video
selves hope-filled leaders their video
selves hope-filled leaders their video now sets at over 80 million views with
now sets at over 80 million views with
now sets at over 80 million views with hundreds of thousands of people
hundreds of thousands of people
hundreds of thousands of people contacting us saying that they’ve seen
contacting us saying that they’ve seen
contacting us saying that they’ve seen hope in a way that they’ve never seen it
hope in a way that they’ve never seen it
hope in a way that they’ve never seen it before now I tell you all of that so
before now I tell you all of that so
before now I tell you all of that so that these words mean something that
that these words mean something that
that these words mean something that hope is real surviving as being on the
hope is real surviving as being on the
hope is real surviving as being on the backfoot fighting as being on the front
backfoot fighting as being on the front
backfoot fighting as being on the front foot change is possible I am proof thank
foot change is possible I am proof thank
foot change is possible I am proof thank you
you
you [Applause]
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