[Music]
addict alcoholic drug dealer thief prep
school kid Division one athlete TED talk
presenter my name is Duncan whirling and
I am all of those things before getting
sober a year ago and well before
transferring to creating University this
past January I thought I had my life
under control now that definition of
control looked a bit like this I was
doing cocaine out of my college locker
room I was blowing off class to moped to
the beach while eating magic mushrooms
and I was abusing excessive amounts of
xanax to skip from a Monday to a Friday
that chapter of my life did not end well
and that was not control so how did my
journey into sobriety begin 371 days ago
on the evening of April 15th 2017 I came
to the end of a week-long binge
originally begun after having received
news of my third consecutive failed drug
test for marijuana I was at a teammate’s
barbecue and decided to call it a night
after having taken 24 milligrams of
xanax a couple hours prior to numb the
feelings that I was feeling I began to
walk back towards my apartment in
California I knew that waiting for me at
home was a handful more and plenty of
liquor my plan my solution to this and
the countless other problems that I had
let go unattended was to overdose
knowing that that combination of
chemicals would slow my heart rate on
until it stopped beating altogether my
last memories of that night consist of
collapsing onto my couch hoping that I
had surpassed that threshold and
drifting into oblivion
but oblivion never came for me instead I
woke up Easter Sunday April 16 2017 and
now today that is 370 consecutive days
of sobriety or in my mind 370 24 hours
and one day at a time each of which in
their own way has led me to this spot
right here right now I’m not here to
tell you how special I am I wish I were
but I’m not I’m not unique and neither
is my story no today I hope to spark an
honest conversation between friends when
the time is right by sharing what has
led me from that dark place on that dark
learn listen and love I’ll start with
learn learn how to engage with one
another on a personal level don’t just
settle for drinking buddies or
Fairweather friends my first roommate in
college taught me this lesson we never
took the time to get to know each other
on a personal level I moved out abruptly
after Halloween to prevent any physical
escalation it then took two weeks of
living out of my locker room and couch
surfing before I found permanent housing
the whole time before during and for
many months after
my excuses were endless for how I
possibly could have found myself in that
position resenting him for being unfair
to me for not understanding me not
listening to me not respecting
boundaries did you hear all the me me
Me’s it was all about me
reflecting today what actually happened
was I expected him to act a certain way
completely oblivious to the real person
who thinks feels and has opinions just
like I do
Ethan I am sorry this was a tough lesson
for you for me to learn and I did not
make it easy on you either but without
it I probably still would have no
experience in feeling my feelings
learning how to support another human
being engaging speaking up sharing that
thought that gets stuck in the back of
my throat now I can give it a voice and
now my voice is heard this brings us to
number two listen this is a big one for
me for the past 20 years I have spent so
much energy focused on myself my image
and my reputation it was never about
what the other person was saying instead
just like before me me me anticipating
how good hearing myself speak sounded
where or when did I begin to learn how
to open my ears and just listen to the
other in rehab our counselors how to
share and share and share eventually our
defenses began to come down and
we each told our story the young men
that I went through this time with were
no stranger to a criminal record the
majority of which predominantly arrived
on court orders but I had no record I
was here by choice so I did what I do
best I judged and jumped to conclusions
see before learning this lesson of
listening I had been content living my
life in self-pity believing that my
thoughts and feelings were ugly
convincing myself every single day that
I was unique special and alone I was
scared
how could I listen what if my voice
isn’t heard what if I am ostracized for
feeling other what if my truth rocks the
boat I was full of what-ifs
but then Zach Chris and the rest of my
pioneer brothers you shared your
experience strength and hope with me and
I began to listen for the first time
something inside me clicked and all of
consequently I was finally able to step
outside of myself and I saw for the
first time that I was not alone and I
never had been quite simply put a woman
once told me listen to yourself and
listen to your peers but when listening
try this don’t listen for what makes you
different than them listen for the
commonality you share you’ll find it and
finally
the reason I stand here today love that
night April 15th the night which I hoped
would be my last someone saved me my
best friend and former team captain who
had hosted the team barbecue at his
apartment that night has told me since
that as I left I had kept telling him I
got this I’m fine I have a plan really
so he let me go and even now a year
later he still can’t explain it but
after I had walked into the night
something just didn’t feel right
but instead of ignoring that feeling and
just going to bed he trusted his gut and
followed me home catching me as I began
to walk up the steps to my apartment
after confronting me on those steps and
asking me about what I had taken how
much I had taken how much more I had
inside how I felt
and why I had done it I could do nothing
but watch as he proceeded to search my
apartment clearing it of all the
remaining pills I had and pouring all
knowing my roommate wouldn’t be back
until the morning he sat with me on that
couch telling me everything is going to
be okay and that tomorrow is a new day
all I had to do was make it to the
morning chase because of you I watched
that Sun Rise if you had not taken the
time to learn who I was you never could
have known how desperate I had
come if you had not listened to my voice
that night and trusted your gut and
followed me home you never would have
followed me home sorry and if you had
not taken the time to love I would not
have awakened that morning my parents
would have lost a son my siblings a
brother these words do not do it justice
but thank you to you now
370 mornings later I would not have been
able to turn the stereotypes of my past
drug dealer and thief into the learning
lessons which they have become for me
370 mornings later I have found my voice
can tell my story and most importantly
have begun to realize that the demons
which haunted me then and still today
have the ability to haunt us all I don’t
know your face and I don’t know your
name but please hear me when I say
whoever you are you are not alone stay
until the miracle happens and make it to
the morning maybe like it was for me
the Sun will rise as soon as someone in
your life pauses simply to learn listen
and love [Applause]
addict alcoholic drug dealer thief prep
school kid Division one athlete TED talk
presenter my name is Duncan whirling and
I am all of those things before getting
sober a year ago and well before
transferring to creating University this
past January I thought I had my life
under control now that definition of
control looked a bit like this I was
doing cocaine out of my college locker
room I was blowing off class to moped to
the beach while eating magic mushrooms
and I was abusing excessive amounts of
xanax to skip from a Monday to a Friday
that chapter of my life did not end well
and that was not control so how did my
journey into sobriety begin 371 days ago
on the evening of April 15th 2017 I came
to the end of a week-long binge
originally begun after having received
news of my third consecutive failed drug
test for marijuana I was at a teammate’s
barbecue and decided to call it a night
after having taken 24 milligrams of
xanax a couple hours prior to numb the
feelings that I was feeling I began to
walk back towards my apartment in
California I knew that waiting for me at
home was a handful more and plenty of
liquor my plan my solution to this and
the countless other problems that I had
let go unattended was to overdose
knowing that that combination of
chemicals would slow my heart rate on
until it stopped beating altogether my
last memories of that night consist of
collapsing onto my couch hoping that I
had surpassed that threshold and
drifting into oblivion
but oblivion never came for me instead I
woke up Easter Sunday April 16 2017 and
now today that is 370 consecutive days
of sobriety or in my mind 370 24 hours
and one day at a time each of which in
their own way has led me to this spot
right here right now I’m not here to
tell you how special I am I wish I were
but I’m not I’m not unique and neither
is my story no today I hope to spark an
honest conversation between friends when
the time is right by sharing what has
led me from that dark place on that dark
learn listen and love I’ll start with
learn learn how to engage with one
another on a personal level don’t just
settle for drinking buddies or
Fairweather friends my first roommate in
college taught me this lesson we never
took the time to get to know each other
on a personal level I moved out abruptly
after Halloween to prevent any physical
escalation it then took two weeks of
living out of my locker room and couch
surfing before I found permanent housing
the whole time before during and for
many months after
my excuses were endless for how I
possibly could have found myself in that
position resenting him for being unfair
to me for not understanding me not
listening to me not respecting
boundaries did you hear all the me me
Me’s it was all about me
reflecting today what actually happened
was I expected him to act a certain way
completely oblivious to the real person
who thinks feels and has opinions just
like I do
Ethan I am sorry this was a tough lesson
for you for me to learn and I did not
make it easy on you either but without
it I probably still would have no
experience in feeling my feelings
learning how to support another human
being engaging speaking up sharing that
thought that gets stuck in the back of
my throat now I can give it a voice and
now my voice is heard this brings us to
number two listen this is a big one for
me for the past 20 years I have spent so
much energy focused on myself my image
and my reputation it was never about
what the other person was saying instead
just like before me me me anticipating
how good hearing myself speak sounded
where or when did I begin to learn how
to open my ears and just listen to the
other in rehab our counselors how to
share and share and share eventually our
defenses began to come down and
we each told our story the young men
that I went through this time with were
no stranger to a criminal record the
majority of which predominantly arrived
on court orders but I had no record I
was here by choice so I did what I do
best I judged and jumped to conclusions
see before learning this lesson of
listening I had been content living my
life in self-pity believing that my
thoughts and feelings were ugly
convincing myself every single day that
I was unique special and alone I was
scared
how could I listen what if my voice
isn’t heard what if I am ostracized for
feeling other what if my truth rocks the
boat I was full of what-ifs
but then Zach Chris and the rest of my
pioneer brothers you shared your
experience strength and hope with me and
I began to listen for the first time
something inside me clicked and all of
consequently I was finally able to step
outside of myself and I saw for the
first time that I was not alone and I
never had been quite simply put a woman
once told me listen to yourself and
listen to your peers but when listening
try this don’t listen for what makes you
different than them listen for the
commonality you share you’ll find it and
finally
the reason I stand here today love that
night April 15th the night which I hoped
would be my last someone saved me my
best friend and former team captain who
had hosted the team barbecue at his
apartment that night has told me since
that as I left I had kept telling him I
got this I’m fine I have a plan really
so he let me go and even now a year
later he still can’t explain it but
after I had walked into the night
something just didn’t feel right
but instead of ignoring that feeling and
just going to bed he trusted his gut and
followed me home catching me as I began
to walk up the steps to my apartment
after confronting me on those steps and
asking me about what I had taken how
much I had taken how much more I had
inside how I felt
and why I had done it I could do nothing
but watch as he proceeded to search my
apartment clearing it of all the
remaining pills I had and pouring all
knowing my roommate wouldn’t be back
until the morning he sat with me on that
couch telling me everything is going to
be okay and that tomorrow is a new day
all I had to do was make it to the
morning chase because of you I watched
that Sun Rise if you had not taken the
time to learn who I was you never could
have known how desperate I had
come if you had not listened to my voice
that night and trusted your gut and
followed me home you never would have
followed me home sorry and if you had
not taken the time to love I would not
have awakened that morning my parents
would have lost a son my siblings a
brother these words do not do it justice
but thank you to you now
370 mornings later I would not have been
able to turn the stereotypes of my past
drug dealer and thief into the learning
lessons which they have become for me
370 mornings later I have found my voice
can tell my story and most importantly
have begun to realize that the demons
which haunted me then and still today
have the ability to haunt us all I don’t
know your face and I don’t know your
name but please hear me when I say
whoever you are you are not alone stay
until the miracle happens and make it to
the morning maybe like it was for me
the Sun will rise as soon as someone in
your life pauses simply to learn listen
and love [Applause]
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