so picture this if you can it’s my
second day in the city of Los Angeles
I’m a kid from New Mexico who’s come out
here to come to college and I have no
idea what I’ve gotten myself into this
incredible city all I know is I’m
sitting in a van with six strangers
zipping across town from LMU to East LA
as much as one can zip across town in
the city of Los Angeles on our freeways
and going through this nonprofit we run
flow we’re gonna meet a man who’s
founded this organization that works
with men and women trying to get out of
gang life and the women who have often
been incarcerated and we go into this
nonprofit called homeboy industries at
that time was located in East LA and
we’re waiting there and we’re told we’re
sorry the man you’re meeting with is
running a little late he had another
event before this so we wait a bit this
man comes in and I can tell you I will
never forget that first moment of seeing
father Gregg orgy is he’s affectionately
known to many of us here in LA because
he just had this memorable look so as a
man who’s losing his own hair right now
I can tell you I look back very fondly
at this beautiful bald head and was just
captivated by it in these thin wire
glasses this bushy white beard and he
introduces himself to all of us and as
he sits down what strikes me most is
that I don’t think I can ever think of
another person his eyes have had equal
amounts of just pure exhaustion and
urgency in them at the same time and he
starts by apologizing for being late he
says I just buried another kid another
kid who died too soon another kid whose
mom wailed at the funeral and I’m tired
and I’m exhausted
and he goes on and he says these many
things and these incredible stories to
us that day but the one line I’ll never
forget was he said you know as he takes
his glasses off and just grows his eyes
he says can you imagine what this world
would be like if we presumed that the
answers to the most complex questions
just started with compassion can you
imagine what it would be like if it just
started with
and it’s no joke to tell you that my
life changed that day I walked out of
that building and had a clear direction
of how it would have been unimaginable
for me to do other anything other than
pursue that question in ways that would
not have been imaginable to me on day
one in LA and so the majority of my life
now since that moment has been seeking
out how to live that question and when I
realized along the way working in higher
ed living in Latin America is that a lot
of times we kind of have that first part
but we don’t know all the elements of it
right so if compassion we’re so easy to
live we wouldn’t have what we have in
this day and age and so the question is
how do we get to compassion but to me
also kind of lift that end result and
what I want to share with you is the
secrets I learned actually living and
working in low-income communities in
Latin America and I want to be really
clear I do not wish to romanticize
poverty in any way whatsoever
I think poverty is hard I think it
entails incredible humiliation for the
people that suffer through it and I
think it’s a society to be frank we at
best look upon the poor with pity and at
worst we look upon them with incredible
judgment and what I learned living and
working in these low-income communities
when people held me up and people
supported me was that there were such
incredible gifts to be found in each and
every community that brought me head and
so here are a few of the things I
learned first thing is how we kind of
give to that compassion and for me it’s
about curiosity and so I work at the
University of course I believe in value
and intellectual curiosity but I’m
talking about something even a little
deeper than that right from group of
curiosity pura means to care and to me
curiosity then is this thing of where we
go into an engagement with someone and
say I really care enough or when I ask
this question when I look at this human
being I want to know the answer wherever
that answer will take me and as I’ve
said before that compassion that idea
that Greg got me started on so many
years ago is really trying to figure out
that next step
it’s different than empathy we don’t
want to kind of cross those two words
together right empathy is I hear you man
I can’t imagine or I can’t when we’re
talking about this we’re talking about
also having a desire to alleviate having
a desire to come with people and go from
there and what I finally learned was
ultimately the goal is this is
connection and I think no matter where
you stand no matter what you believe
about any of these issues the end of the
day we all desire connection with our
world with meaning with curiosity
whatever it may be and so these were
lesson that I got to learn in my
two-and-a-half three years living in
Latin America and I guess he used them
almost right away when I came back to
the United States for anyone that’s
lived abroad when you come home that
agree adjustment is difficult and I made
the very foolish mistake of figuring the
first time I would go back and visit my
family was to fly on that day before
Thanksgiving any of you have ever flown
on the day before Thanksgiving you know
it is at best one of the worst days of
your life and worse it is one of the
worst days of your life and so on and so
we’re in this airport
I’ve seen many people are not familiar
with at some point in your lives and
there’s a woman sitting by me because
spikes are just a lane left and right
because of the weather and she’s doing
that thing where she’s speaking out loud
but to no one in particular
and we’re hoping like she’s got a
Bluetooth in her ear or something and
you had a look around you’re like and
she’ll get really angry and she’ll just
say very loud this sucks this is the
worst thing that could ever happen we
all look up exchange glances with one
another those of us that think we’re
normal in the room with the abnormal
person and she continues it again this
sucks this is the worst thing ever and
I’m thinking about where I came from
just months prior thinking of the
challenges I saw and these low-income
communities low-income countries and I
want to get up on my social justice high
horse and say you want to know what
sucks let me tell you some stories that
suck but at the last moment those better
angels come in and instead my curiosity
is aroused and I think to myself I want
to meet her on this and so the next time
she says that mine again I very loudly
respond to her and just say I hear you
she looks a little startled she looks at
me and they say I hear you this really
sucks
and we all just want to get to our
families or wherever we’re going
and her lips start quivering and these
tears start streaming down her eyes and
we learn a little more and she says I
just learned my son at stage 4 cancer
my baby boy has stage 4 cancer and I
just want to get on the airplane
and I want to get to him and I want to
embrace him and I want to hold him and
she’s crying
and why me what can you do you cry with
her and we cried for a while and the
only thing I can think to say is I’m so
sorry and then as we kind of labor
through that awkward silence that
curiosity comes in
mind when I say can you tell me about
your son she shares stories about this
man the father he is to his young kids
the beautiful little boy he was growing
up and we’re just kind of crying through
these stories I’m getting to know this
manner that she says it can I tell you
the best part about it of course she
goes God is the worst parts in the world
as well and we just kind of fall
together in our laughter in that moment
and we wait through the delay and go
through it and I get on my flight and
one of those people sit in that area
next to me says it’s a really good thing
you did back there and I feel anything
but good in that moment because I almost
trapped her in either judgment or pity
and it was only kind of by the grace of
that I managed to arouse that curiosity
so my compassion was activated and for
one moment in a crappy airport terminal
we had a connection together years later
that same curiosity that same compassion
that same connection would be turned
around I mused on me in ways I could
never imagine got a little Sun he’s
light of my world like everyone knows
with children and when he was about nine
months old we went through the thing
everyone goes through a kind of
introducing your kid to foods and we
won’t worry food allergies anything like
that so I remember sitting them down
with peanut butter we play the peanut
butter jelly song we’re excited and you
know as much as I’m talking about I’m
also the anxious parent my wife might
say I’m the paranoid parent of the two
of us so I feed it to him and I watch
him like a hawk and a little bit red dog
appears on his forehead and I’m like
baby I think that was there she comes
and she loves she goes I’ll just his
head don’t worry he goes back to the
kitchen and almost instantly his face
changes in ways that are really hard to
explain and I instantly realized what’s
going on and I say call nine-one-one
he’s having an allergic reaction and I
think you know my wife’s got her back to
me thinks I’m joking at first they say
in common when one he’s having an
allergic reaction and we go downstairs
and we wait for the pirate
and I have to ask the question that no
parent ever wants to ask and it’s the
only question going through my head and
it’s just simply is my kid going to die
it isn’t the kid dying over and over and
over it’s only minutes but it seems like
hours the fire department pulls up jumps
out of the truck runs over delivers what
I later learned is that the nephron
because I know nothing about this world
and it’s this life-saving drug now if
you’ve ever been in a situation like
this the moment you were most helpless
you often want to help and I am NOT a
medical expert but I’m standing over
nervously trying to figure out how to
support my kid my family etc and I hear
this voice behind me
as they’re attending to my son and the
voice just says to me a few times your
son has a peanut allergy
my daughter has one too he’s gonna be
okay I need you to come with me and then
arms go around me and he’s telling this
to call me me down your son that’s a
peanut allergy
my daughter has one too he’s gonna be
okay come with me and I get pulled aside
by this other firefighter that was on
the call and we stand there while they
work on my son and he explains to me
that every time he gets this call in the
station his throat catches because he
remembers that moment with his daughter
and he remembers how horrifying it was
and he’s crying I’m crying and what I
think is so important about this is if
you work in the medical professions if
you work in emergency services you deal
with horrible situations day and again
and it can be hard to arouse our
curiosity and our compassion for every
single one but this man had a connection
we shared something and in that moment
he shared that kindness with me in ways
that I can’t explain to you what it
meant so humor me for a moment with your
own curiosity in your own compassion
when your kid is definitely allergic to
a piece of food it becomes one of the
most horrifying day-to-day things in the
world to just leave your house as
traumatic as that sounds on a regular
basis as a society we value coming
together and celebrate
over a shared meal meals are horrifying
birthday parties
it’s what’s going to be in the cookies
what’s going to be in the cupcakes do we
need to bring our alternate ones and
it’s really really easy to traffic it in
this moment of their lives and to see
your kids nothing about the worst moment
and when I’m tempted to do that I think
of that firefighter I think of this
little boy who deserves so much better
than being trapped in that worst moment
and I remind myself I need to do more I
need to let this kid be the full human
he deserves to be and so I can’t tell
you how many times this firefighters
mind or the space has come to my mind as
we go to a birthday party as we go out
to dinner with friends so remind myself
my kid is so much more than this moment
and so maybe you’re sitting here in your
thinking man those are some pretty
extreme stories I wouldn’t add anything
like that and I probably won’t I hope
you’re right but I think we missed the
point if we only think curiosity
compassion and connection matter and
those most extreme moments so years ago
my wife and I had a chance to do
something that was incredibly stupid and
brilliant all at the same time we saved
money religiously we quit our jobs and
we traveled around Southeast Asia for as
long as we could so we had to come back
and get jobs again and when we went to
Bali I remember this moment where every
place we went people greeted us with
this beautiful phrase where their hands
would come together and they would say
namaste I had tried and failed at yoga
I’m not the most wonderful person in the
world and so I heard that phrase namaste
but only in the yoga setting and I feel
a little naive this I realize there’s a
deeper cultural contest here and so one
day I asked this man you know what
exactly does this mean because it’s the
greeting we’re getting everywhere and in
broken English he explains it to me as
best he can where he says you know it’s
the spirit in me dancing with the spirit
and needle and I love that translation
and I later looked it up and saw that
idea of the divine or the goodness and
me recognizing or greeting the diviner
the goodness
you know but that notion of the divine
or the good in us coming out of Dancing
with the good and another person I think
is what the world needs right now in a
very cheesy and yet urgent kind of way
so what we need one of my favorite poets
oh it’s worse than Shire has a line
where she says that come from two
countries one is thirsty one is on fire
both need water and so my challenge to
you all today is how that goodness in
you dance with every person you
encounter oh there’s that annoying
co-worker that you can’t stand to see on
Monday morning
whether it’s our family that were
sometimes ignoring and the loss because
we just kind of scroll through our
phones how are we going to kind of bring
that spirit of namaste how are we going
to kind of answer that call of letting
compassion be the start of the answer to every challenge we see before us
second day in the city of Los Angeles
I’m a kid from New Mexico who’s come out
here to come to college and I have no
idea what I’ve gotten myself into this
incredible city all I know is I’m
sitting in a van with six strangers
zipping across town from LMU to East LA
as much as one can zip across town in
the city of Los Angeles on our freeways
and going through this nonprofit we run
flow we’re gonna meet a man who’s
founded this organization that works
with men and women trying to get out of
gang life and the women who have often
been incarcerated and we go into this
nonprofit called homeboy industries at
that time was located in East LA and
we’re waiting there and we’re told we’re
sorry the man you’re meeting with is
running a little late he had another
event before this so we wait a bit this
man comes in and I can tell you I will
never forget that first moment of seeing
father Gregg orgy is he’s affectionately
known to many of us here in LA because
he just had this memorable look so as a
man who’s losing his own hair right now
I can tell you I look back very fondly
at this beautiful bald head and was just
captivated by it in these thin wire
glasses this bushy white beard and he
introduces himself to all of us and as
he sits down what strikes me most is
that I don’t think I can ever think of
another person his eyes have had equal
amounts of just pure exhaustion and
urgency in them at the same time and he
starts by apologizing for being late he
says I just buried another kid another
kid who died too soon another kid whose
mom wailed at the funeral and I’m tired
and I’m exhausted
and he goes on and he says these many
things and these incredible stories to
us that day but the one line I’ll never
forget was he said you know as he takes
his glasses off and just grows his eyes
he says can you imagine what this world
would be like if we presumed that the
answers to the most complex questions
just started with compassion can you
imagine what it would be like if it just
started with
and it’s no joke to tell you that my
life changed that day I walked out of
that building and had a clear direction
of how it would have been unimaginable
for me to do other anything other than
pursue that question in ways that would
not have been imaginable to me on day
one in LA and so the majority of my life
now since that moment has been seeking
out how to live that question and when I
realized along the way working in higher
ed living in Latin America is that a lot
of times we kind of have that first part
but we don’t know all the elements of it
right so if compassion we’re so easy to
live we wouldn’t have what we have in
this day and age and so the question is
how do we get to compassion but to me
also kind of lift that end result and
what I want to share with you is the
secrets I learned actually living and
working in low-income communities in
Latin America and I want to be really
clear I do not wish to romanticize
poverty in any way whatsoever
I think poverty is hard I think it
entails incredible humiliation for the
people that suffer through it and I
think it’s a society to be frank we at
best look upon the poor with pity and at
worst we look upon them with incredible
judgment and what I learned living and
working in these low-income communities
when people held me up and people
supported me was that there were such
incredible gifts to be found in each and
every community that brought me head and
so here are a few of the things I
learned first thing is how we kind of
give to that compassion and for me it’s
about curiosity and so I work at the
University of course I believe in value
and intellectual curiosity but I’m
talking about something even a little
deeper than that right from group of
curiosity pura means to care and to me
curiosity then is this thing of where we
go into an engagement with someone and
say I really care enough or when I ask
this question when I look at this human
being I want to know the answer wherever
that answer will take me and as I’ve
said before that compassion that idea
that Greg got me started on so many
years ago is really trying to figure out
that next step
it’s different than empathy we don’t
want to kind of cross those two words
together right empathy is I hear you man
I can’t imagine or I can’t when we’re
talking about this we’re talking about
also having a desire to alleviate having
a desire to come with people and go from
there and what I finally learned was
ultimately the goal is this is
connection and I think no matter where
you stand no matter what you believe
about any of these issues the end of the
day we all desire connection with our
world with meaning with curiosity
whatever it may be and so these were
lesson that I got to learn in my
two-and-a-half three years living in
Latin America and I guess he used them
almost right away when I came back to
the United States for anyone that’s
lived abroad when you come home that
agree adjustment is difficult and I made
the very foolish mistake of figuring the
first time I would go back and visit my
family was to fly on that day before
Thanksgiving any of you have ever flown
on the day before Thanksgiving you know
it is at best one of the worst days of
your life and worse it is one of the
worst days of your life and so on and so
we’re in this airport
I’ve seen many people are not familiar
with at some point in your lives and
there’s a woman sitting by me because
spikes are just a lane left and right
because of the weather and she’s doing
that thing where she’s speaking out loud
but to no one in particular
and we’re hoping like she’s got a
Bluetooth in her ear or something and
you had a look around you’re like and
she’ll get really angry and she’ll just
say very loud this sucks this is the
worst thing that could ever happen we
all look up exchange glances with one
another those of us that think we’re
normal in the room with the abnormal
person and she continues it again this
sucks this is the worst thing ever and
I’m thinking about where I came from
just months prior thinking of the
challenges I saw and these low-income
communities low-income countries and I
want to get up on my social justice high
horse and say you want to know what
sucks let me tell you some stories that
suck but at the last moment those better
angels come in and instead my curiosity
is aroused and I think to myself I want
to meet her on this and so the next time
she says that mine again I very loudly
respond to her and just say I hear you
she looks a little startled she looks at
me and they say I hear you this really
sucks
and we all just want to get to our
families or wherever we’re going
and her lips start quivering and these
tears start streaming down her eyes and
we learn a little more and she says I
just learned my son at stage 4 cancer
my baby boy has stage 4 cancer and I
just want to get on the airplane
and I want to get to him and I want to
embrace him and I want to hold him and
she’s crying
and why me what can you do you cry with
her and we cried for a while and the
only thing I can think to say is I’m so
sorry and then as we kind of labor
through that awkward silence that
curiosity comes in
mind when I say can you tell me about
your son she shares stories about this
man the father he is to his young kids
the beautiful little boy he was growing
up and we’re just kind of crying through
these stories I’m getting to know this
manner that she says it can I tell you
the best part about it of course she
goes God is the worst parts in the world
as well and we just kind of fall
together in our laughter in that moment
and we wait through the delay and go
through it and I get on my flight and
one of those people sit in that area
next to me says it’s a really good thing
you did back there and I feel anything
but good in that moment because I almost
trapped her in either judgment or pity
and it was only kind of by the grace of
that I managed to arouse that curiosity
so my compassion was activated and for
one moment in a crappy airport terminal
we had a connection together years later
that same curiosity that same compassion
that same connection would be turned
around I mused on me in ways I could
never imagine got a little Sun he’s
light of my world like everyone knows
with children and when he was about nine
months old we went through the thing
everyone goes through a kind of
introducing your kid to foods and we
won’t worry food allergies anything like
that so I remember sitting them down
with peanut butter we play the peanut
butter jelly song we’re excited and you
know as much as I’m talking about I’m
also the anxious parent my wife might
say I’m the paranoid parent of the two
of us so I feed it to him and I watch
him like a hawk and a little bit red dog
appears on his forehead and I’m like
baby I think that was there she comes
and she loves she goes I’ll just his
head don’t worry he goes back to the
kitchen and almost instantly his face
changes in ways that are really hard to
explain and I instantly realized what’s
going on and I say call nine-one-one
he’s having an allergic reaction and I
think you know my wife’s got her back to
me thinks I’m joking at first they say
in common when one he’s having an
allergic reaction and we go downstairs
and we wait for the pirate
and I have to ask the question that no
parent ever wants to ask and it’s the
only question going through my head and
it’s just simply is my kid going to die
it isn’t the kid dying over and over and
over it’s only minutes but it seems like
hours the fire department pulls up jumps
out of the truck runs over delivers what
I later learned is that the nephron
because I know nothing about this world
and it’s this life-saving drug now if
you’ve ever been in a situation like
this the moment you were most helpless
you often want to help and I am NOT a
medical expert but I’m standing over
nervously trying to figure out how to
support my kid my family etc and I hear
this voice behind me
as they’re attending to my son and the
voice just says to me a few times your
son has a peanut allergy
my daughter has one too he’s gonna be
okay I need you to come with me and then
arms go around me and he’s telling this
to call me me down your son that’s a
peanut allergy
my daughter has one too he’s gonna be
okay come with me and I get pulled aside
by this other firefighter that was on
the call and we stand there while they
work on my son and he explains to me
that every time he gets this call in the
station his throat catches because he
remembers that moment with his daughter
and he remembers how horrifying it was
and he’s crying I’m crying and what I
think is so important about this is if
you work in the medical professions if
you work in emergency services you deal
with horrible situations day and again
and it can be hard to arouse our
curiosity and our compassion for every
single one but this man had a connection
we shared something and in that moment
he shared that kindness with me in ways
that I can’t explain to you what it
meant so humor me for a moment with your
own curiosity in your own compassion
when your kid is definitely allergic to
a piece of food it becomes one of the
most horrifying day-to-day things in the
world to just leave your house as
traumatic as that sounds on a regular
basis as a society we value coming
together and celebrate
over a shared meal meals are horrifying
birthday parties
it’s what’s going to be in the cookies
what’s going to be in the cupcakes do we
need to bring our alternate ones and
it’s really really easy to traffic it in
this moment of their lives and to see
your kids nothing about the worst moment
and when I’m tempted to do that I think
of that firefighter I think of this
little boy who deserves so much better
than being trapped in that worst moment
and I remind myself I need to do more I
need to let this kid be the full human
he deserves to be and so I can’t tell
you how many times this firefighters
mind or the space has come to my mind as
we go to a birthday party as we go out
to dinner with friends so remind myself
my kid is so much more than this moment
and so maybe you’re sitting here in your
thinking man those are some pretty
extreme stories I wouldn’t add anything
like that and I probably won’t I hope
you’re right but I think we missed the
point if we only think curiosity
compassion and connection matter and
those most extreme moments so years ago
my wife and I had a chance to do
something that was incredibly stupid and
brilliant all at the same time we saved
money religiously we quit our jobs and
we traveled around Southeast Asia for as
long as we could so we had to come back
and get jobs again and when we went to
Bali I remember this moment where every
place we went people greeted us with
this beautiful phrase where their hands
would come together and they would say
namaste I had tried and failed at yoga
I’m not the most wonderful person in the
world and so I heard that phrase namaste
but only in the yoga setting and I feel
a little naive this I realize there’s a
deeper cultural contest here and so one
day I asked this man you know what
exactly does this mean because it’s the
greeting we’re getting everywhere and in
broken English he explains it to me as
best he can where he says you know it’s
the spirit in me dancing with the spirit
and needle and I love that translation
and I later looked it up and saw that
idea of the divine or the goodness and
me recognizing or greeting the diviner
the goodness
you know but that notion of the divine
or the good in us coming out of Dancing
with the good and another person I think
is what the world needs right now in a
very cheesy and yet urgent kind of way
so what we need one of my favorite poets
oh it’s worse than Shire has a line
where she says that come from two
countries one is thirsty one is on fire
both need water and so my challenge to
you all today is how that goodness in
you dance with every person you
encounter oh there’s that annoying
co-worker that you can’t stand to see on
Monday morning
whether it’s our family that were
sometimes ignoring and the loss because
we just kind of scroll through our
phones how are we going to kind of bring
that spirit of namaste how are we going
to kind of answer that call of letting
compassion be the start of the answer to every challenge we see before us
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