I think a lot of us have been scared
before if you say you’ve never been
scared you’re a liar
you can find yourself scared of bugs
scared of the dark scared of lightning
scared to disappoint someone scared to
be alone or even scared of yourself and
the thing that creates the sense of fear
within myself is one that I find that
I’m losing Who I am in trying to be the
best person that I can be and really
what I mean by that is growing up
ethnically different in America but
culturally connecting with both American
culture and the parts of my heritage I
am a Cambodian American my parents came
to America about 30 years ago and part
of the Cambodian genocide this is my dad
in the refugee camp and as you can see
life was a lot different and if the his
life wasn’t like this in the refugee
camp it looked a little bit like this
this is actually my family about a year
ago in the communal space in the village
so his life and my mom’s life changed
drastically this is the home that my dad
grew up in about ten minutes away from
here as you can see Cambodia is a lot
different from America and yet my
parents haven’t lost any bit of where
they came from my parents live eat and
breathe Cambodian culture do any of you
guys know the show The Voice yeah yeah
okay yeah my parents don’t watch that
show you know what my parents watch my
parents watch the Cambodian version off
of that that they find on YouTube and
then my parents for breakfast lunch and
dinner they eat Cambodian food and they
speak the language to each other into
our family 24/7 and yet I find myself
struggling to keep Who I am
I find it hard because from a very young
age I’ve acknowledged that I will never
ever be the Cambodian than my elders
would want me to be and I’ve
acknowledged that I will never ever be
the American that society wants me to be
I was at a business establishment maybe
a few years ago and my mom spoke maybe
about two sentences worth akamai the
Cambodian language to me and a woman
turned around looked disgusted and said
to us your
in America speak English and I will
remember that woman for the rest of my
life I can’t fix the world’s issue of
racial prejudice of discrimination or of
cultural assimilation all at once but
what I can do is offer you some
perspective and how to live your life so
that way it’s not as dark and that’s
what something that I call the aya
method so what the IMF that stands for
is acknowledgement acceptance initiative
and action first and foremost we have to
acknowledge the situations that we’re in
we have to acknowledge that our boss is
in a position that we have yet to be in
we have to acknowledge that we only have
three dollars in our bank accounts we
have to acknowledge that sometimes we
pour way too much milk for the amount of
cereal that we have in the bowl and
culturally we have to acknowledge where
we come from regardless of where that is
and regardless if it’s hard to present
ourselves to the world that way and this
was ultimately my struggle in middle
school I said I was the Cambodian
American but I really am more than that
I’m Cambodian I’m Chinese I’m Thai and
I’m Jim Bob which is the country that
doesn’t even exist anymore but I’ve
acknowledged that and based off what I
just told you how many of you could
guess that’s where I could trace my
origins the answer is you probably
wouldn’t know and this was really the
struggle in middle school because aside
from asking people what my name was
the next thing they’d asked was what are
you because I was different the
demographic at my middle school was a
lot different from anywhere else that
I’ve actually been to it was a lot of
white Americans at a lot of Chinese
Americans and they knew that I was
different I knew that I was different
so they’d only asked these always ask
what are you and so that was probably
the hardest question that a
twelve-year-old had to answer because I
didn’t know what to say do I say that I
am Cambodian do I say that I’m an
American do I say that I’m Cambodian
Chinese do I say that I’m Cambodian Thai
and usually what I default it to was I
said but I was Cambodian Chinese or that
I was Cambodian Thai because I knew that
my time in middle school would have been
a lot easier or more convenient if
people could associate me was something
that was familiar to them and every time
that I said that I was Cambodia
Chinese where I was Cambodian Thai I
always felt a little bit guilty inside
because I knew more than anything more
than anything I was a Cambodian American
the recognition of culture alone can
expand our knowledge of the world
extensively making us more conscious of
the world around us and more
understanding of the perspectives that
people take it’s one thing to be
unknowing of the cultures that surround
you and then educating yourself on it
and it’s an entirely different thing
when we choose to be ignorant of the
cultures that curate our identity
because at that point it’s a choice and
what you’re choosing is to deny yourself
of who you are which brings me to my
next step acceptance acceptance
acceptance so acceptance in life is
going to be one of the hardest things
that you will ever have to do acceptance
is the hardest pill you will ever
swallow because it’s the pill that you
follow that always wants to come back up
it always resurfaces in your life
acceptance is hard and I know that and
what comes along with acceptance is
rejection and sometime in your life
somebody’s going to reject you because
of who you are I’m not just speaking
culturally I’m just speaking generally
but culturally somebody is going to
reject you who you are because of who
you are because who you are ethnically
or who you are culturally and it’s going
to hurt because in that moment they just
rejected everything that you stood for
and rejection comes in subtle ways and
sometimes it’s more explicit but it
comes in the way that people talk to you
and it comes in the way that people look
at you and if you let it it affects the
way that you see yourself my name is
John Murray on that is how I presented
myself to you guys today but outside of
my home that’s not who I was outside of
my home I was chan Murray or I was John
Murray or I was Shawn Murray or I was
whoever that person wanted to call me
that day I was never myself outside of
my home and I knew that that was wrong
but I lived with that for 17 years of my
life
because I
I taught myself to accept a person that
wasn’t me
and it came to me recently I have to
stop doing this I have to stop mr. Ebert
misrepresenting misrepresenting myself
because at one point I’m gonna have to
sit on the couch 20 years from now look
at my husband dead in the eye or my best
friend dead in the eye and say Chan
Marie is not my name and going back to
that theme of fear that’s a scary
conversation to have because you lied to
that person for however many years
however many years because you lied to
yourself and there’s no reason why you
should lie to yourself on who you are
admitting who you are and affirming what
you are projects a confidence and it’s a
confidence that many are people many
people are blind to see it first not
only that it comes with a sense of
empowerment and furthermore it paints
the picture that you’re comfortable with
yourself that you’ve accepted yourself
that you embrace everything that you are
culturally and everything in between and
that’s what acceptance is acceptance is
about getting yourself to this point but
acceptance isn’t the only thing that you
should do it comes with a sense of
initiative initiative is one of the most
important things that you can do to
preserve where you come from
and what you are culturally initiative
is the start to everything that you want
to pursue you have to pursue all the
things that make you who you are
culturally this is a photo of me at 12
years old at the Cambodian temple and
that’s what I’ve been doing for the past
17 years I took the initiative to
continue my Cambodian heritage through
food cultural customs language and
everything in between
I took the initiative to ask my mom why
I went was at the temple watch Saturday
instead of on a playground like the rest
of the kids and that’s when I found out
that initiative was knowledge driven we
have to educate ourselves on the things
that we don’t know and not only is
initiative knowledge driven initiative
is courage driven because it takes
courage to ask those questions that we
don’t know I had to ask my mom why I
have to say this anyway why I had to
dress a certain way why I had to look a
certain way when I was at the temple for
and I just had to be the Cambodian
person that I was representing and
because I asked because I hated myself I
could culturally connect more with who I
was I became comfortable with that but
this event was probably one time out of
the year I can’t truly say I’m a
Cambodian American because I go to the
temple one time out of the year and go
to the temple that one time initiative
needs a substance and what that
substance is is action action is the
most important part to continuing
initiative if initiative is the one-time
thing action is the everyday thing and
they work together we as a society who
has become acquainted with immigrant
culture should take the actions that
allow us to preserve our origins and the
place that we are in doesn’t define who
we are the people we hang around they
don’t define who we are but do you know
what does it’s the actions that we
choose to take that define who we are I
used to think about people like marble
sculptures that we would chip off all
these rugged parts of ourselves so that
way we could create something beautiful
for the world to see so that way we
could create a version of ourselves that
we would love to see but then I asked
myself what happens to all those rugged
parts they get thrown away you don’t
ever see it again you don’t ever look
back and I realized that was wrong and
that we should start thinking about
people like clay that you mold yourself
without throwing anything away into this
person that you want to be and to this
beautiful person that you would want to
present to the world or that you would
want to present to yourself and that
everything is preserved because of who
you are I can’t fix the world’s issue of
culture and it being lost
the challenge for many Americans today
is that they don’t they can’t find who
they are it used to be that growing up
in America was a challenge because you
were ethnically different and for many
it still is and now in this new wave of
this generation and generation of
immigrants and immigrant children that
growing up culturally different is also
a challenge but it doesn’t have to be
and it’s a challenge that many of us
don’t know how to face so if you ever
feel culturally lost or confused about
yourself ask yourself this what did you
do and you tell yourself oh yeah use the
IMF it tell yourself oh yeah so that way
you can acknowledge accept initiate and
act so that way the only decision that
you have to make that day is to be
yourself and to always choose you before
you choose to be anyone else thank you
for listening to my talk [Applause]
before if you say you’ve never been
scared you’re a liar
you can find yourself scared of bugs
scared of the dark scared of lightning
scared to disappoint someone scared to
be alone or even scared of yourself and
the thing that creates the sense of fear
within myself is one that I find that
I’m losing Who I am in trying to be the
best person that I can be and really
what I mean by that is growing up
ethnically different in America but
culturally connecting with both American
culture and the parts of my heritage I
am a Cambodian American my parents came
to America about 30 years ago and part
of the Cambodian genocide this is my dad
in the refugee camp and as you can see
life was a lot different and if the his
life wasn’t like this in the refugee
camp it looked a little bit like this
this is actually my family about a year
ago in the communal space in the village
so his life and my mom’s life changed
drastically this is the home that my dad
grew up in about ten minutes away from
here as you can see Cambodia is a lot
different from America and yet my
parents haven’t lost any bit of where
they came from my parents live eat and
breathe Cambodian culture do any of you
guys know the show The Voice yeah yeah
okay yeah my parents don’t watch that
show you know what my parents watch my
parents watch the Cambodian version off
of that that they find on YouTube and
then my parents for breakfast lunch and
dinner they eat Cambodian food and they
speak the language to each other into
our family 24/7 and yet I find myself
struggling to keep Who I am
I find it hard because from a very young
age I’ve acknowledged that I will never
ever be the Cambodian than my elders
would want me to be and I’ve
acknowledged that I will never ever be
the American that society wants me to be
I was at a business establishment maybe
a few years ago and my mom spoke maybe
about two sentences worth akamai the
Cambodian language to me and a woman
turned around looked disgusted and said
to us your
in America speak English and I will
remember that woman for the rest of my
life I can’t fix the world’s issue of
racial prejudice of discrimination or of
cultural assimilation all at once but
what I can do is offer you some
perspective and how to live your life so
that way it’s not as dark and that’s
what something that I call the aya
method so what the IMF that stands for
is acknowledgement acceptance initiative
and action first and foremost we have to
acknowledge the situations that we’re in
we have to acknowledge that our boss is
in a position that we have yet to be in
we have to acknowledge that we only have
three dollars in our bank accounts we
have to acknowledge that sometimes we
pour way too much milk for the amount of
cereal that we have in the bowl and
culturally we have to acknowledge where
we come from regardless of where that is
and regardless if it’s hard to present
ourselves to the world that way and this
was ultimately my struggle in middle
school I said I was the Cambodian
American but I really am more than that
I’m Cambodian I’m Chinese I’m Thai and
I’m Jim Bob which is the country that
doesn’t even exist anymore but I’ve
acknowledged that and based off what I
just told you how many of you could
guess that’s where I could trace my
origins the answer is you probably
wouldn’t know and this was really the
struggle in middle school because aside
from asking people what my name was
the next thing they’d asked was what are
you because I was different the
demographic at my middle school was a
lot different from anywhere else that
I’ve actually been to it was a lot of
white Americans at a lot of Chinese
Americans and they knew that I was
different I knew that I was different
so they’d only asked these always ask
what are you and so that was probably
the hardest question that a
twelve-year-old had to answer because I
didn’t know what to say do I say that I
am Cambodian do I say that I’m an
American do I say that I’m Cambodian
Chinese do I say that I’m Cambodian Thai
and usually what I default it to was I
said but I was Cambodian Chinese or that
I was Cambodian Thai because I knew that
my time in middle school would have been
a lot easier or more convenient if
people could associate me was something
that was familiar to them and every time
that I said that I was Cambodia
Chinese where I was Cambodian Thai I
always felt a little bit guilty inside
because I knew more than anything more
than anything I was a Cambodian American
the recognition of culture alone can
expand our knowledge of the world
extensively making us more conscious of
the world around us and more
understanding of the perspectives that
people take it’s one thing to be
unknowing of the cultures that surround
you and then educating yourself on it
and it’s an entirely different thing
when we choose to be ignorant of the
cultures that curate our identity
because at that point it’s a choice and
what you’re choosing is to deny yourself
of who you are which brings me to my
next step acceptance acceptance
acceptance so acceptance in life is
going to be one of the hardest things
that you will ever have to do acceptance
is the hardest pill you will ever
swallow because it’s the pill that you
follow that always wants to come back up
it always resurfaces in your life
acceptance is hard and I know that and
what comes along with acceptance is
rejection and sometime in your life
somebody’s going to reject you because
of who you are I’m not just speaking
culturally I’m just speaking generally
but culturally somebody is going to
reject you who you are because of who
you are because who you are ethnically
or who you are culturally and it’s going
to hurt because in that moment they just
rejected everything that you stood for
and rejection comes in subtle ways and
sometimes it’s more explicit but it
comes in the way that people talk to you
and it comes in the way that people look
at you and if you let it it affects the
way that you see yourself my name is
John Murray on that is how I presented
myself to you guys today but outside of
my home that’s not who I was outside of
my home I was chan Murray or I was John
Murray or I was Shawn Murray or I was
whoever that person wanted to call me
that day I was never myself outside of
my home and I knew that that was wrong
but I lived with that for 17 years of my
life
because I
I taught myself to accept a person that
wasn’t me
and it came to me recently I have to
stop doing this I have to stop mr. Ebert
misrepresenting misrepresenting myself
because at one point I’m gonna have to
sit on the couch 20 years from now look
at my husband dead in the eye or my best
friend dead in the eye and say Chan
Marie is not my name and going back to
that theme of fear that’s a scary
conversation to have because you lied to
that person for however many years
however many years because you lied to
yourself and there’s no reason why you
should lie to yourself on who you are
admitting who you are and affirming what
you are projects a confidence and it’s a
confidence that many are people many
people are blind to see it first not
only that it comes with a sense of
empowerment and furthermore it paints
the picture that you’re comfortable with
yourself that you’ve accepted yourself
that you embrace everything that you are
culturally and everything in between and
that’s what acceptance is acceptance is
about getting yourself to this point but
acceptance isn’t the only thing that you
should do it comes with a sense of
initiative initiative is one of the most
important things that you can do to
preserve where you come from
and what you are culturally initiative
is the start to everything that you want
to pursue you have to pursue all the
things that make you who you are
culturally this is a photo of me at 12
years old at the Cambodian temple and
that’s what I’ve been doing for the past
17 years I took the initiative to
continue my Cambodian heritage through
food cultural customs language and
everything in between
I took the initiative to ask my mom why
I went was at the temple watch Saturday
instead of on a playground like the rest
of the kids and that’s when I found out
that initiative was knowledge driven we
have to educate ourselves on the things
that we don’t know and not only is
initiative knowledge driven initiative
is courage driven because it takes
courage to ask those questions that we
don’t know I had to ask my mom why I
have to say this anyway why I had to
dress a certain way why I had to look a
certain way when I was at the temple for
and I just had to be the Cambodian
person that I was representing and
because I asked because I hated myself I
could culturally connect more with who I
was I became comfortable with that but
this event was probably one time out of
the year I can’t truly say I’m a
Cambodian American because I go to the
temple one time out of the year and go
to the temple that one time initiative
needs a substance and what that
substance is is action action is the
most important part to continuing
initiative if initiative is the one-time
thing action is the everyday thing and
they work together we as a society who
has become acquainted with immigrant
culture should take the actions that
allow us to preserve our origins and the
place that we are in doesn’t define who
we are the people we hang around they
don’t define who we are but do you know
what does it’s the actions that we
choose to take that define who we are I
used to think about people like marble
sculptures that we would chip off all
these rugged parts of ourselves so that
way we could create something beautiful
for the world to see so that way we
could create a version of ourselves that
we would love to see but then I asked
myself what happens to all those rugged
parts they get thrown away you don’t
ever see it again you don’t ever look
back and I realized that was wrong and
that we should start thinking about
people like clay that you mold yourself
without throwing anything away into this
person that you want to be and to this
beautiful person that you would want to
present to the world or that you would
want to present to yourself and that
everything is preserved because of who
you are I can’t fix the world’s issue of
culture and it being lost
the challenge for many Americans today
is that they don’t they can’t find who
they are it used to be that growing up
in America was a challenge because you
were ethnically different and for many
it still is and now in this new wave of
this generation and generation of
immigrants and immigrant children that
growing up culturally different is also
a challenge but it doesn’t have to be
and it’s a challenge that many of us
don’t know how to face so if you ever
feel culturally lost or confused about
yourself ask yourself this what did you
do and you tell yourself oh yeah use the
IMF it tell yourself oh yeah so that way
you can acknowledge accept initiate and
act so that way the only decision that
you have to make that day is to be
yourself and to always choose you before
you choose to be anyone else thank you
for listening to my talk [Applause]
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