taking up the space you have taught me
I’m allowed to occupy curling up into a
smaller mass hoping to go overlooked
praying to a god I no longer believe in
that I will somehow go unnoticed all
these years hearing my disordered mind
speak of a promised land looming around
the corner of yet one more and never
will slip into darkness but you the
embodiment of the voice living between
my ears stating my worthlessness like a
skipping record so much is that I no
longer can even fathom it plain clear
through this is the place I find myself
sitting legs crossed not once but twice
wondering why it seems every woman
around me has a similar story my
existence but not my experience
preferential when deciding whose
daughter to spare what possessed you to
think that you owned my body that you
could reach your nasty filthy hands into
the depths of my soul that it’s not ok
to help yourself to something unless
they lack a y-chromosome and to the man
on the stand who wants my support I
guess I don’t really blame you shouldn’t
have expected a buck to host a howitzer
affair but since my age has not yet
allowed me to understand the pain when
apparently feels when paying I simply
can only observe your disquieted take on
tithing I imagine it doesn’t hurt quite
as much he’s being held up against a
wall my world turning black only to find
the people that I thought I could trust
slowly drifting away sitting in the
third row
legs crossed not once but twice hoping
you don’t see the bruises circling my
neck or the one on the back of my thighs
so largely rings tears to my eyes as it
presses against my seat busying myself
pretending to care about your post
graduation plans promised by strangers
that the men with guns probing my story
were on my side
as I sit hoping wishing it was all a
dream I had already fought my battle I
had already looked death in the face and
crawled my way back food barely passing
between my teeth hoping to find
happiness within the comfort of my
thighs not touching I tip my hat to you
the holder of such a vile myth a
circular obsession I hated more than the
burn in my throat after overcompensating
for not eating all the week before
either mimicking or hating the
perfectionism society has taught me to
live with telling us don’t worry we’ll
provide for you given there’s no fuss
and given you don’t struggle just be
quiet let him take you let them rake you
let it snake your life right from you
idiot wind blowing every time you move
your teeth I wish for just one moment
you could stay in my place and see what
hate really looks like because if you
did you would bury that towel so far
into your own face just hoping to catch
the tears as I sit hearing another story
of another girl wondering why I was
chosen to remain bottling the guilt and
self-confidence I’d been pretending to
build for years and putting it away for
another day at another time sitting legs
crossed not once but twice looking out
at all of you wondering if someone will
speak up worry and anticipation looking
one in four college women will be raped
during their time at university what the
fuck has to happen the only time we talk
about it is when a young woman loses her
life because so many of you have similar
stories an ode to the original
gentlemen’s club we the people sitting
legs crossed not once but twice I now
understand why women are viewed as
second-class citizens I cope with having
a struggle free past living in a white
picket fence bubble I cope is surviving
what so many have not their souls
haunting my every move begging me to say
something something to fight rape
culture misogyny society as I’m labeled
young naive and radical just begging for
some sort of justice to be given feeling
as though I haven’t dealt trick cards
hoping to change someone anyone’s mind
kicking and screaming a caged bird
singing of freedom I am demanding to be
heard among your low hum of mindless
chatter refusing to be silenced as I sit
legs crossed just once ready to take the stand