[Applause]
okay over the summer the White House
communications director talked to a
reporter and called one of his
colleagues an effing paranoid
schizophrenic
more recently the US Secretary of State
allegedly called the president that
effing moron I could just hear my abuela
my grandmother in my ear well you may
know it’s one OCD say listen to me one
doesn’t say that we’ve gotten to a point
in the culture for civility has all but
but people will say but it’s more honest
maybe but name-calling and rudeness
creates distrust and then conversations
descend into shouting matches friends
collaboration fails altogether and the
so how do we solve this well I thought
about my Abuela’s voice in my ear I
concluded that she and Mike Diaz or
right-most way knows Matthias good
manners actually matter in Latino
culture those manners are the grease
that enables frictionless social
interactions they value the result of
the interaction not the touting of an
opinion I didn’t always think manners
mattered as a kid I didn’t understand
their value I remember getting dressed
up on Sundays for church and then
driving down the waters to my Abuela’s
house for a big comida a big dinner we
would arrive and greet all the deals and
tears in a well oh and i wella
with hola como esta usted how are you it
was all a very long how nice to see you
and then we’d sit down to dinner my
grandfather at one had its table my
grandmother at the other dinner would be
served first to my grandfather then my
grandmother then all the rest of the
adults had us kids for served last we’d
watch my mom furtively to make sure
which fork we should be using for our
soap other videos
or pasta later we’d be trying to cut our
carne properly with our elbows tucked in
asked one of my peers what’s the point
of these whiners Morales and she said
half jokingly you’ll know how to behave
if you’re ever invited to tea with the
Queen her point was that those manners
enable anyone of any social standing to
have an interaction with anyone else
because society is made of all kinds of
people it’s not about any one individual
it’s not about you or me it’s about all
of us good manners are kind of civil
engineering of respect and even
deference towards others those dinners
at my Abuela’s took a long time through
them I learned to listen and be patient
and that stood me really well later as a
technical support agent dealing with
our trainers called it active listening
in order to get an irate customer calm
down enough to collaborate with you to
do Diagnostics to solve their problem
you have to listen defer let them tell
their story and then smile because
they’ll hear you smile on the phone and
then engage them and start to start to
ask with understanding so I heard you
say that server didn’t come up properly
after the power outage have I got that
right then you can give them the with
him a with them is a what’s in it for me
you gently suggest that they let you
walk through the diagnostic steps that
it’ll take to get their problem soft
another thing I learned at dinner at
mile Ellis was inclusion my dad was an
and it would have been easy for all my
relatives to just speak Spanish at the
dinner table but my deals and Diaz and
Mike grant or my grandmother or grandpa
would always have one conversational
thread at the table going in English so
that notion of inclusion I’ve used as a
project manager – well teams together
for project success
people aren’t project teams are chosen
from around an organization for
particular expertise they may have to
get the project done as leaders we need
to include everyone on a project team
and actively listen respect I can
acknowledge everyone’s ideas not dismiss
any idea out of hand that creates
ownership and belonging on the team it
also hopefully fosters creativity and
now just being polite inclusive
differential respectful mean you’re a
submissive pushover no I think as women
sometimes we struggle with this as we
get microg rest disrespected even
harassed me to write but those windows
more others are about self respect to
that civil engineering framework is a
platform you can stand on and be
confident
you’ve been respectful that should be
respected in term if anyone had ever
called my Ella the B word or some other
insult she would have looked at them
you know the lock but one that only our
wireless can do the one that says you
have offended me yourself your family
the whole planet and beyond the Santos
in itself
the whole pantheon of saints in the
heavens and she would have stood her
ground and said perdona me but I mean no
semi hablas e-excuse me
I’m not to be talked to you that way and
waited for an apology and then walked
so I challenged us to use our windows
mullaly’s because across the room across
the table on the phone on the other side
of that screen is another human just
like you so next time you try to engage
someone who has a different opinion from
yourself first try to connect on a basic
level to create ease and Trust how are
then try some of that active listening
ask and listen attentively to their
story about how they came to their
opinion then you can offer yours because
it’s not about winning an argument it’s
about having a conversation and learning
then maybe just maybe we can bridge
those gaps between opinions learn from
each other make compromises and do that
work of community that needs to be done
there’s a great quote from president
enter individuals comer entre las
Naciones el respeto
al direct or hey no es la paz as between
individuals as between nations respect
for the rights of others is peace so
tonight when you leave remember you’re a
Willis anthias open the door for another
and let respect make peace [Applause]
okay over the summer the White House
communications director talked to a
reporter and called one of his
colleagues an effing paranoid
schizophrenic
more recently the US Secretary of State
allegedly called the president that
effing moron I could just hear my abuela
my grandmother in my ear well you may
know it’s one OCD say listen to me one
doesn’t say that we’ve gotten to a point
in the culture for civility has all but
but people will say but it’s more honest
maybe but name-calling and rudeness
creates distrust and then conversations
descend into shouting matches friends
collaboration fails altogether and the
so how do we solve this well I thought
about my Abuela’s voice in my ear I
concluded that she and Mike Diaz or
right-most way knows Matthias good
manners actually matter in Latino
culture those manners are the grease
that enables frictionless social
interactions they value the result of
the interaction not the touting of an
opinion I didn’t always think manners
mattered as a kid I didn’t understand
their value I remember getting dressed
up on Sundays for church and then
driving down the waters to my Abuela’s
house for a big comida a big dinner we
would arrive and greet all the deals and
tears in a well oh and i wella
with hola como esta usted how are you it
was all a very long how nice to see you
and then we’d sit down to dinner my
grandfather at one had its table my
grandmother at the other dinner would be
served first to my grandfather then my
grandmother then all the rest of the
adults had us kids for served last we’d
watch my mom furtively to make sure
which fork we should be using for our
soap other videos
or pasta later we’d be trying to cut our
carne properly with our elbows tucked in
asked one of my peers what’s the point
of these whiners Morales and she said
half jokingly you’ll know how to behave
if you’re ever invited to tea with the
Queen her point was that those manners
enable anyone of any social standing to
have an interaction with anyone else
because society is made of all kinds of
people it’s not about any one individual
it’s not about you or me it’s about all
of us good manners are kind of civil
engineering of respect and even
deference towards others those dinners
at my Abuela’s took a long time through
them I learned to listen and be patient
and that stood me really well later as a
technical support agent dealing with
our trainers called it active listening
in order to get an irate customer calm
down enough to collaborate with you to
do Diagnostics to solve their problem
you have to listen defer let them tell
their story and then smile because
they’ll hear you smile on the phone and
then engage them and start to start to
ask with understanding so I heard you
say that server didn’t come up properly
after the power outage have I got that
right then you can give them the with
him a with them is a what’s in it for me
you gently suggest that they let you
walk through the diagnostic steps that
it’ll take to get their problem soft
another thing I learned at dinner at
mile Ellis was inclusion my dad was an
and it would have been easy for all my
relatives to just speak Spanish at the
dinner table but my deals and Diaz and
Mike grant or my grandmother or grandpa
would always have one conversational
thread at the table going in English so
that notion of inclusion I’ve used as a
project manager – well teams together
for project success
people aren’t project teams are chosen
from around an organization for
particular expertise they may have to
get the project done as leaders we need
to include everyone on a project team
and actively listen respect I can
acknowledge everyone’s ideas not dismiss
any idea out of hand that creates
ownership and belonging on the team it
also hopefully fosters creativity and
now just being polite inclusive
differential respectful mean you’re a
submissive pushover no I think as women
sometimes we struggle with this as we
get microg rest disrespected even
harassed me to write but those windows
more others are about self respect to
that civil engineering framework is a
platform you can stand on and be
confident
you’ve been respectful that should be
respected in term if anyone had ever
called my Ella the B word or some other
insult she would have looked at them
you know the lock but one that only our
wireless can do the one that says you
have offended me yourself your family
the whole planet and beyond the Santos
in itself
the whole pantheon of saints in the
heavens and she would have stood her
ground and said perdona me but I mean no
semi hablas e-excuse me
I’m not to be talked to you that way and
waited for an apology and then walked
so I challenged us to use our windows
mullaly’s because across the room across
the table on the phone on the other side
of that screen is another human just
like you so next time you try to engage
someone who has a different opinion from
yourself first try to connect on a basic
level to create ease and Trust how are
then try some of that active listening
ask and listen attentively to their
story about how they came to their
opinion then you can offer yours because
it’s not about winning an argument it’s
about having a conversation and learning
then maybe just maybe we can bridge
those gaps between opinions learn from
each other make compromises and do that
work of community that needs to be done
there’s a great quote from president
enter individuals comer entre las
Naciones el respeto
al direct or hey no es la paz as between
individuals as between nations respect
for the rights of others is peace so
tonight when you leave remember you’re a
Willis anthias open the door for another
and let respect make peace [Applause]
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