good just want to take a moment right
now to kind of thank everybody behind
the scenes everybody here involved with
TEDx you guys are in a great job because
of you were all here so thank you for
that I’m here to talk about
vulnerability and I’m here to talk about
vulnerability as a way to change and as
a way of finding transformation people
ask me what I do and I have the hardest
time answer that question and ultimately
I think i’m a student of the human
condition i’m really curious to know
more about people and the reasons as to
why they do the things that they do and
everything that you see everything that
we do i believe is involved in story and
so as it pertains to vulnerability i
think when we hear vulnerability we
think of vulnerability as a negative
thing we see it as a sign of weakness
and we see it being exposed and being
wounded is something that is not
desirable but you know with the short
time that I’ve been on this planet I
realized that’s not necessarily the case
I’m going to share three stories that
kind of demonstrate how vulnerable he
can lead to the opposite it can lead to
something more desirable so I have this
I’ve these note cards because you know
I’m Afghan if you let me up here on
stage I can talk for hours so this is
gonna keep me on track and so first for
us like to talk about my parents my
parents are from Afghanistan I was born
Afghanistan my father was taught by a
Peace Corps volunteer in the 1960s in
Kandahar when peace corps was first
starting out and he learned English and
eventually got to work with us aid in
cobalt and then um as everybody knows in
1979 the Soviets invaded Afghanistan and
so at that time my father was working
for the soviet-backed Afghan government
and one day he was given an ultimatum
either you’re going to essentially adopt
ideology or else so that night he comes
home tells mom back up the bags were
leaving and up into this point my mother
never left her neighborhood in Kabul and
so as my parents had to do they got on
horseback took me my brother and went
seven days and six nights from Kabul to
Peshawar Pakistan and over the course of
six days and seven days six nights my
parents we hid under the cover of night
and slept during the day in caves and
villages along the way and we had to
avoid gunships and you know death along
the way but through the grace of God we
eventually got to the refugee camp and
pay shower where millions of other
Afghans were spent two years in Pakistan
and through the English that my father
learned and the names that he became the
people they became friends with he went
to the consular office in Islamabad and
the consular officer essentially checked
his story out and we are granted
political asylum to come the United
States and we land in a small little
place called Carlisle Pennsylvania in
carlisle pennsylvania as you well know
as you may know is not New York City and
my parents expected to be landing in New
York City I mean is it all of America
like New York City you know tall
buildings big screens money grows on
trees the good life lo and behold that
we realize the place that we landed
represented MAF ganna stand more than
represented the United States people add
beards we live close to the Amish worlds
of funny place so my parents start from
scratch we had nothing with a group of
people that supported us and taught my
parents and taught us out to live again
how to shop what tax is meant
live and you know it’s a kid you don’t
know any better you know you don’t know
what’s good what’s wrong you essentially
just are exposed to these different
things and as a kid I didn’t know like
we were starting from scratch until one
day later on you know I realized I was
11 years old realize my parents this
point we were doing ok and I’ll city
living with my dad there’s a photo of
his of his mom my grandmother on the
table and as afghan men do we don’t
really talk with each other about our
feelings and so we’re just kind of
joined the silence and I remember
looking over my dad and he’s staring at
this photo of his mother and he starts
to cry and it was the first time i’ve
ever seen my father cry and what’s
really interesting about it is that
simple moments can unravel people and in
that moment I realized that
vulnerability means mean strength so
what’s interesting at our stories that
it’s not unique refugees at that time
and refugees to this day have similar
stories and they flee and they fight and
they and they survive but what is unique
about our story is that after i
graduated college you know we’re afghan
we’re from asia pretty much had two
options you know in terms of a
professional is going to be a doctor or
engineer and i wasn’t that right I
wasn’t that at all I studied social
sciences my parents to this day or like
what did you study in college what is
that how can use that can that get you a
job and so what did I decide to do I
decided to join the Peace Corps and I
decided to do something different and I
decided to
[Music]
give back and I joined the Peace Corps
in 2005 but I didn’t know what to expect
this is before Google and Facebook took
over our lives and for smartphones or
everywhere and so what’s beautiful about
the Peace Corps is they essentially drop
you off in your village and they say
good luck have fun and I’m in the middle
of Mozambique and most abuse a beautiful
place and at the time I learned some
Portuguese I could say hello how are you
where’s the bathroom but not enough to
really like you know make an impact and
that was my idealistic perspective I
wanted to make an impact and you know as
a young person I thought to myself I’m
gonna go to this community and I am
going to change these people i am going
to enlighten these people on how to live
a better life how to live a Western life
how to live in American life and all
that changed when I got malaria the
first time and so I get malaria and I’m
not feeling well my body aches and
things aren’t good i just know
something’s up man what’s going on and
so i end up going to the clinic and they
do malaria test and it comes out
positive so i started taking medication
it cleansed this thing out of my body
and set the clinic there are many many
many people there in line waiting to get
treat it up into that point people in my
village saw me as a giver saw me as
something or somebody that could give
them something and I didn’t really have
much to give you know I had a bag of
clothes English that I could speak and
then ideals that I believed then I
didn’t have like money you know and so
they would always come up to me being
like teacher bak can I have this can I
have that and I couldn’t give them what
I’m you know what they wanted everything
from Candida pencils to you know a BMW
and one day like I said when I got
malaria all that changed and slowly but
surely it spread throughout the village
that I gotten sick
and people started coming to me in
giving me food that they had and giving
me cold that they essentially bought
that I could use to make food start my
meals and they gave me things that I’d
never really really expected them to
give me and it was amazing and slowly
but surely that kept that that happened
through the course of my experience and
I realized that light that vulnerability
meant acceptance and um it was a
beautiful thing and now with facebook
they still ping me over you know the
Atlantic Ocean they still asked me for
pencils and candy and things of that
nature facebook so moreover in 2010 the
surge was announced to go to Afghanistan
and clear out Islamic radicalism and
insurgents that country so when become a
safe haven for al Qaeda or another
Islamic terrorist group and so at that
time was late my 20s and I thought to
myself this is a perfect time to go back
and serve again instead of serving in
terms of instilling a sense of skill
liking it for example the peace quals I
was an English teacher in Afghanistan I
was 10 she was an interpreter and it was
the best experience of my life in many
ways and the reason why is because I got
to take two worlds that were so
different from one another ideologically
emotionally culturally geographically
and bring them together and I think
about that experience to this day and I
think to myself I’ve never been so
valued in a role then I was then and I
flourished and I loved it I stayed there
for three years um I want to tell you
about one individual’s name is Posey and
he was a quintessential soldier he was
an Afghan commando and everywhere you
went he he had this air of just
confidence
and people just followed him he had five
sons he was the kind of guy who taught
me a lesson used the kind of guy that
did one thing at a time because he said
if you do too many things at a time
nothing will ever get done and to
demonstrate that point why we while we
were eating he wouldn’t speak he would
simply eat thought that took amazing
control one day we’re on a mission in a
village and bought key switches in
northwestern Afghanistan and he was
leading a platoon we’re all there or
clearing this village and we find some
Taliban insurgents and we’re cornering
them and we’re going after them and he’s
leading the charge and I remember
standing on a little hill looking down
palsies in front leading this charge and
he’s standing behind a wall and he
stands up and puts his head right above
the wall and a bullet hits him in the
head interpreter interpreter I go
running down and by the time I get there
the medics trying to work work on him
essentially revive him and I’m standing
there in the blood and the horror and
the bullet went right through his eye
and it just they killed him and in that
means to be alive right and so that
experience being in Afghanistan changed
my life and I came back and I decided to
get into documentary filmmaking and
documenting people’s stories and I think
it’s really important to do that because
that’s all we have everybody here in
this room has a story everybody here has
been vulnerable and these small moments
people are being vulnerable to you and I
think that’s the first place in which we
can essentially take a step closer to
the idea that I essentially want to get
across here today is that seek
vulnerability it’s not a sign of
weakness it’s a place where we can learn
it’s a place where we can feel connected
and ultimately that’s what we all want
to do we all want to feel connected with
one another we’re designed to be that
way and if we’re connected with one
another will become more present and I
believe we’re more present will be more
happy we’re not that much time on this
planet enjoy it while you can life is a
fragile thing it really is some people
say that piece starts with suffering
I’ve heard others say that freedom
starts with confinement or that strength
strength starts with surrender or even
that courage starts with fear but I say
that change starts with vulnerability
thank you [Applause]