it get your attention yes okay glad that
joke work just kidding I’m actually
injured um and also i’m not sure who
stole my dance moves earlier I did not
give permission to show that video but
that’s another problem as soon as we
crossed from Peru into Bolivia I look
down at my cell phone and I realized it
lost service and I thought oh crap we
kept going we got to the dock when we
boarded the boat we were set sail we
were setting sail on to Lake Titicaca
which yes is a real place and it borders
both Peru and Bolivia and when I say
that we were going to go visit one of
the islands on the lake if you’re
thinking Hawaii kind of lower your
standards by about 100 so we’re out on
the boat this Lake looks like an ocean
it’s huge its massive about halfway out
we realized this is the last boat out
there’s no other boats coming back we’re
going to spend the night on the island
and that’s when I thought oh crap
because see I had told my mom that we
were going to leave our place in Peru
we’re gonna go to Bolivia for the day
and we were going to come back and now I
knew I screwed everything up and my mom
had a 22 year old son wandering
aimlessly in South America me being that
son and we get to the island and like
okay now I got to put some sort of plan
in place here so I started asking around
is there any place on this island that
has cell phone service they’re like yeah
you can hike about 30 minutes that way
maybe get some service so I hike schlep
over 30 minutes get a little bit of cell
phone service enough to call my local
boss back in Peru I say Javier you got
to email my mom our plans have changed
it’s we’re going to spend the night here
obvious is okay okay what’s your email
address I spell out my mom’s email
address he says okay i’ll email i’ll
tell her your plans have changed hang up
i feel a little better at this point go
see the island have a good time go to
bed take the first boat back finally get
back to town and i get cell phone
service and this is when I realized all
hell had broken loose I had calls emails
texts voicemails and I knew I was in
trouble because my mom basically thought
we died in Bolivia that night day and so
I said okay oh boy so I called my mom
got in touch with I was like we’re okay
I’m so sorry or change our plans have
changed and so forth and later it came
to find out that she had literally kept
herself worried sick up all night I also
came to find out that my boss misspelled
her email address by one letter there’s
two ends in Wiseman whoops so this story
this evolution of this sort of journey
and getting in trouble in Peru is
important to me because I was am and
always will be a mama’s boy are you
laughing great maybe when you hear a
grown man on stage say that he’s a
mama’s boy a certain image comes to your
head right you thinking like I all the
men in the audience I got guys not tough
well I’ve done some pretty tough things
in my life I’ve swam in the Amazon which
I’m convinced years later gave me a full
body rash I’ve gone piranha fishing I
played college basketball I tore my
Achilles real tough is a real injury and
I even found a smoking hot wife who’s
here tonight and I’m so glad she decided
now maybe now maybe everybody in the
room is thinking okay well he’s not
manly enough right he’s a mama’s boy
well for my brother and I actually
started when we were quite young because
my dad invented a little game called
dump and run like any good dad he had a
huge pile of dirt delivered to the front
of our house and we’d move said pile of
dirt from the front of the house to the
back of the house so my dad came up with
a game called dump and run my brother
and I we got our little fisher-price
wheel barrels we loaded them up and we
were guys guys right we probably only
hold about two cups with a dirt and my
dad would yell dump and run and we go
running off to the backyard as fast as
we could we dump the little dirt and we
come running back now as I don’t know
four six seven year olds this was great
pretty sure falls under some sort of
wheel weird child labor laws but that’s
another story now maybe for you women in
the audience when you hear a man say
he’s a mama’s boy maybe you think I’m
not independent can’t take care of
myself well I’m here to tell you I can
make a mean stir-fry I went away to
college as you know I lived in South
America and I’ve even am so independent
that I once got lost in a grocery store
and a Best Buy Now it interests me about
this term mama’s boy having been one and
move em one is its evolution over time
if you think about it any man who comes
into this world attachment theory
teaches us that you are actually
literally attached to the person
providing care for you that’s why we cry
when we need food as infants because
somebody has to provide that nourishment
for you nature’s hard at work to ensure
you receive proper nurture then over
time as a boy kind of comes into
childhood middle-aged this notion of
Mama’s voice shifts
and you start to understand it’s got a
negative connotation to it I can
remember in the third grade being called
a mama’s boy for the first time one of
many and I thought so I like my mom it’s
pretty funny and we spent a lot of time
together I don’t get it then I realized
oh they mean I’m not tough enough I’m
not cool to have this close relationship
with my mom at the same time the third
grader and me is thinking if I come to
school with pants on its shoes tied it’s
a win and so you start to realize that
we’re teaching our young boys to
distance themselves from the women in
their relationship society culture it’s
not cool they’re not tough enough then
later in life Mama’s voice continues to
evolve you hear about women and men who
seek out manners partners who have
strong relationships with the women in
their lives we admire them we think they
make better husbands and could make
better fathers and you even see pop
culture and society change to you here
mba players get up on stage and give
wonderful award speech is thanking and
saying you know we came through this
together mom we did it and we love that
we eat it up we’re like oh my gosh what
a great guy he and his mom got through
the mama’s boy is almost coming full
circle that was pretty fortunate to have
a really special relationship with my
mom so special in fact that one time I
convince her to watch some robin
williams stand up with me most of you
probably know Robin Williams he’s a
little vulgar but in this particular bit
that I want to show my mom was Robin
Williams describing the building of the
male and female reproductive systems by
committee and he is said committee if
you haven’t watched it please go home
and YouTube it the best takes you learn
here tonight and so my moms like fine
Zack we can watch it I’m like okay we’ll
put it on your iPad will put in
headphones no one can see no one can
hear just finally agrees sure but you
can’t laugh was it aside anyway
who knows me I’m the guy who if I’m
alone in the hotel room I’m laughing out
loud watching TV this is a pretty
impossible task I’m sure oh yeah I won’t
laugh we start playing the video and of
course 10 seconds in I’m laughing I’m
smiling you know spitting up and my
mom’s poking me like Shh started like
she did thousands and thousands of time
filing you through the video it was
hilarious but it was at this exact
moment that I realized things were a
little different my mom my dad and I
were sitting in the cancer center at MD
Anderson about a month earlier my mom
had been diagnosed with Stage four
pancreatic cancer so I realized I was a
mama’s boy but was at this exact moment
I realized i was now a caregiver whole
different beast how many of you tonight
have ever cared for a loved one I’m sure
I’m not the only one caregiving kind of
similar to mama’s boy has this journey
in evolution over our lives again
attachment theory teaches us that we
come into this world and we need care we
are dependent on someone else to provide
care for us it is fundamental to our
survival then in sort of the middle
stages of our life at different times
for everybody or offered chances to
provide care for somebody else and so
then later in life somewhat if we’re
lucky enough we’re going to need care
ourselves and so you start out needing
care you’re presented with chances to
give care and then you ultimately need
it yourself comes full circle again now
caregiving tough caregiving is
disruptive caregiving doesn’t give a
crap what day of the week it is how much
money you have in your bank account
where you think you are in your
professional or personal journeys
caregiving takes mortality that we like
to keep next door and brings it in the
room and there’s no road map to
caregiving I have a good friend who’s
here tonight and he likes to tell a
famous story that I think summer I
some of the difficult decisions that
caregiving can thrust us into when we’re
never ready he was on a train platform
in New York standing with his boss and
his boss said Richard I know you’re
caring for your mom you’ve got two
choices you can either keep working or
you can go care for your mom and that’s
a pretty difficult decision right and he
chose to care for his mom and he went on
to care for his mom and his since
published a book on caregiving to help
us navigate and to help start building
this roadmap at the same time with
caregiving there’s lots of different
roles that we can fill and maybe some of
you have experience with that in our
family’s example you know I was able to
come be by my mom’s side my brother and
I tried to make things light and fun and
that’s us wearing our mom’s wigs he came
in in and out of town he lived elsewhere
my dad kept the family business afloat
and carried on nights and weekends and
everything in between we had family
friends come over constantly we’re all
filling these different roles similarly
I learned that as a millennial as much
as I like to die that I’m a millennial
that that that we grew up as second hand
caregivers my wife and I when we started
dating we had six grandparents all in
the ages of 80 and above pretty
fortunate on that front but we spent a
lot of time in assisted living
facilities nursing homes watching our
parents care for their parents and
learning and helping where we could and
at the same time you have of course an
aging baby boomer population this
population of course is going to make
many of us caregivers if not already so
it’s on the horizon it’s here if not
again already now for me being a mama’s
boy made the transition to caregiver a
no-brainer I had a close healthy
relationship with my mom so watching her
give care for her family and others it
was like of course I’ll be there I’ll do
what I can but again if you think about
the differences and the similarities
between being a mama’s boy being close
with people in this case women and
caregiving they have these similar
evolutions that we just discussed
but they also have negative social and
society context we don’t think of
caregiving as a cool fun thing to do we
think of it often as a burden and so I’m
interested and have been looking at the
impacts that this has on our young boys
teaching them what are we teaching them
about distancing themselves at an early
age from the women in their lives from
love from empathy from compassion so
what if we start to redefine what it
means to be a mama’s boy to be a man to
be tough to give care what if we
redefine how we view as a culture in a
society toughness and courage and
masculinity my mom had four months and
passed away at the age of 60 and
watching what she did and how she fought
that’s toughness that’s courage and so
I’m asking all of us tonight let’s not
stop at loss let’s continue on let’s
come together and pick each other up and
build off of past experiences watching
my father carry on our family business
day in and day out that’s toughness
that’s courage not swimming in the
Amazon and so I’m extremely interested
in how we carry on these different
legacies and fight social pressures and
social constructs that we’ve created so
I want us to raise young boys who are
close with the women in their life and
let them know that that’s okay they can
still be tough they can still do some
fun cool things close to their moms
close to their sisters they have two
daddies close to them too because I
think if we all start to raise these
young Mama’s boys healthy strong
relationships what we’re also going to
be doing is we’re going to be creating
the next generation of amazing
caregivers men who are able to step up
to the plate when caregiving comes
calling at any time I’ll never forget it
was I think it was my first haircut but
that seems a little too young so it’s an
early haircut and my mom took me to a
place called
colon sons that’s I was pretty well
known in the in the Metroplex and I was
a pain in the ass I cried the whole time
I was kicking and screaming the people
of coal own sons at some point told my
mom don’t ever bring this kid back he’s
banned for life and we get in the car
and my mom says to me I’m sure I’m
crying and like eating a lollipop says
you know what Z they’re not worthy of
cutting your hair and to this day I have
never stepped foot in a coal wellin sons
and I never will because I’m a mama’s
boy thank you [Applause]