[Applause]
tell your story change the conversation
organized by students TEDx youth at shc
when I was five I was unapologetically
and authentically me it didn’t matter
that teachers parents and peers alike
would tell me that I dressed weird or
that my name was odd or that I talked
too much about things I didn’t
understand if they didn’t like the way I
was then that was their problem but as I
got older I noticed a startling trend as
I grew up I was also starting to grow
out of myself for me it started in the
sixth grade I was walking home passing
by the locker rooms and at that age I
wasn’t exactly popular but I was always
able to brush it off
sticks and stones you know I wasn’t
gonna let some hurt forwards change me I
was happy the way I was so I was passing
by the locker rooms when three boys two
older and one in my grade got the bright
idea to grab me and to push me into the
boys locker room
now I’m not disillusioned enough to try
and romanticize my abilities as a small
eleven-year-old to fight back against
boys who were older bigger and stronger
so I’ll tell it like it happened they
grabbed me they pushed me into the
locker room they knew I wouldn’t fit
into one of the lockers so instead they
shoved me into a box for old PE clothes
they jostled me around they called me
names chink Dyke they used both
because they didn’t know which term to
use to attack the stereotypically gay
way that I dressed they kicked me around
and then it was over
couldn’t have lasted for more than
thirty minutes
but instead of coming out of that
experience like I always did unwavering
and unwilling to bend and break I was
instead struck with a different thought
as I laid there on the ground I thought
to myself I deserve this
there must be something wrong with me
maybe it’s the way I dress the way I
expressed myself and from that day
forward I lived as an unhappy shell I
repressed my differences instead of
celebrating them but still the way
people treated me did not change I
didn’t have any more friends than I had
before I had bullies that served as a
constant reminder that no one likes the
real me the only thing that changed was
that I was unhappy repressed and
punishing myself for not fitting in now
like every great story I was able to
refine myself and like every great story
it was because of a beautiful and
wonderful girl she was older than me and
she could have written me off like so
many others had instead she befriended
me and she gave me a place where I felt
accepted and her gay-straight Alliance
now let me just say that at age 12 I was
not an ally I was just so desperate for
friends that I was willing to be whoever
she wanted me to be but she didn’t want
me to just be anyone she wanted me to be
myself and proud of it which took a lot
more soul-searching than I’d like to
admit I had to ask myself who I was was
I defined by the words that were used to
keep me down was I defined by my
repressions was I defined by what
everyone else thought of me I forced
myself to confront certain truths that I
had been unwilling to acknowledge before
that it was fine if I wanted to wear a
dress over a tux or a tux over a dress
and that the only person that had to
like the length of my hair was me and
that it’s okay if sometimes the person
that I want to hold hands with is
someone of the same gender which brings
me to my question how do you define
yourself is your sense of self based on
your actions and the way you choose to
carry yourself or is it found from
others and how they perceive you
see I’m no psychologist but I’ve noticed
that as humans we have a very base urge
to try and sort people we categorize the
people around us based on superficial
stereotypes and preconceptions that the
world around us places in our head we
sort people based on things like gender
race religion and try to force them into
boxes that fit our notions of the way
that they should be and no one is exempt
from the system we even do it to
ourselves over time this system affects
the way we perceive ourselves we turn
from authentic and unafraid
five-year-olds into one dimensional
versions of the people that we truly are
we based our self-worth an identity off
of society’s rating system and try to
fit ourselves in to meet nicely labeled
boxes for some people this happens over
time the line between authentic self and
the person that everyone else wants to
see blurs slowly but for others
including myself
it only takes that one catalyst event to
push ourselves into that box looking
back on it now it seems absolutely
ridiculous to try to impress myself to
the extremes that I did but I also
realized that it’s something that
everyone struggles with this system
makes everyone into a victim 6th grade
me was just as much of a victim as the
three boys that committed that act of
violence against me we learn all our
lives and subtle minut details that
difference is not to be accepted those
boys had just taken that idea to the
next logical extreme which was violence
I in no way condone their actions but I
can still recognize that they are also
victims of this methodical character
categorization I was able to break out
of this system with love and friendship
that found me when I was at my lowest
point because that love led me to
realize that I deserved to love myself
which is why my life is modeled after
the same love and kindness that was
shown to me I will forever
appreciate and pay forward that kindness
that led me to re-examine the life I was
living
I now know what it feels like to live is
someone that I’m not the self-loathing
and the numbness
so I unapologetically loved myself and I
love that I get to spend every second of
the rest of my life living authentically
and knowing that no one else could ever
take that away from me thank you
tell your story change the conversation
organized by students TEDx youth at shc
when I was five I was unapologetically
and authentically me it didn’t matter
that teachers parents and peers alike
would tell me that I dressed weird or
that my name was odd or that I talked
too much about things I didn’t
understand if they didn’t like the way I
was then that was their problem but as I
got older I noticed a startling trend as
I grew up I was also starting to grow
out of myself for me it started in the
sixth grade I was walking home passing
by the locker rooms and at that age I
wasn’t exactly popular but I was always
able to brush it off
sticks and stones you know I wasn’t
gonna let some hurt forwards change me I
was happy the way I was so I was passing
by the locker rooms when three boys two
older and one in my grade got the bright
idea to grab me and to push me into the
boys locker room
now I’m not disillusioned enough to try
and romanticize my abilities as a small
eleven-year-old to fight back against
boys who were older bigger and stronger
so I’ll tell it like it happened they
grabbed me they pushed me into the
locker room they knew I wouldn’t fit
into one of the lockers so instead they
shoved me into a box for old PE clothes
they jostled me around they called me
names chink Dyke they used both
because they didn’t know which term to
use to attack the stereotypically gay
way that I dressed they kicked me around
and then it was over
couldn’t have lasted for more than
thirty minutes
but instead of coming out of that
experience like I always did unwavering
and unwilling to bend and break I was
instead struck with a different thought
as I laid there on the ground I thought
to myself I deserve this
there must be something wrong with me
maybe it’s the way I dress the way I
expressed myself and from that day
forward I lived as an unhappy shell I
repressed my differences instead of
celebrating them but still the way
people treated me did not change I
didn’t have any more friends than I had
before I had bullies that served as a
constant reminder that no one likes the
real me the only thing that changed was
that I was unhappy repressed and
punishing myself for not fitting in now
like every great story I was able to
refine myself and like every great story
it was because of a beautiful and
wonderful girl she was older than me and
she could have written me off like so
many others had instead she befriended
me and she gave me a place where I felt
accepted and her gay-straight Alliance
now let me just say that at age 12 I was
not an ally I was just so desperate for
friends that I was willing to be whoever
she wanted me to be but she didn’t want
me to just be anyone she wanted me to be
myself and proud of it which took a lot
more soul-searching than I’d like to
admit I had to ask myself who I was was
I defined by the words that were used to
keep me down was I defined by my
repressions was I defined by what
everyone else thought of me I forced
myself to confront certain truths that I
had been unwilling to acknowledge before
that it was fine if I wanted to wear a
dress over a tux or a tux over a dress
and that the only person that had to
like the length of my hair was me and
that it’s okay if sometimes the person
that I want to hold hands with is
someone of the same gender which brings
me to my question how do you define
yourself is your sense of self based on
your actions and the way you choose to
carry yourself or is it found from
others and how they perceive you
see I’m no psychologist but I’ve noticed
that as humans we have a very base urge
to try and sort people we categorize the
people around us based on superficial
stereotypes and preconceptions that the
world around us places in our head we
sort people based on things like gender
race religion and try to force them into
boxes that fit our notions of the way
that they should be and no one is exempt
from the system we even do it to
ourselves over time this system affects
the way we perceive ourselves we turn
from authentic and unafraid
five-year-olds into one dimensional
versions of the people that we truly are
we based our self-worth an identity off
of society’s rating system and try to
fit ourselves in to meet nicely labeled
boxes for some people this happens over
time the line between authentic self and
the person that everyone else wants to
see blurs slowly but for others
including myself
it only takes that one catalyst event to
push ourselves into that box looking
back on it now it seems absolutely
ridiculous to try to impress myself to
the extremes that I did but I also
realized that it’s something that
everyone struggles with this system
makes everyone into a victim 6th grade
me was just as much of a victim as the
three boys that committed that act of
violence against me we learn all our
lives and subtle minut details that
difference is not to be accepted those
boys had just taken that idea to the
next logical extreme which was violence
I in no way condone their actions but I
can still recognize that they are also
victims of this methodical character
categorization I was able to break out
of this system with love and friendship
that found me when I was at my lowest
point because that love led me to
realize that I deserved to love myself
which is why my life is modeled after
the same love and kindness that was
shown to me I will forever
appreciate and pay forward that kindness
that led me to re-examine the life I was
living
I now know what it feels like to live is
someone that I’m not the self-loathing
and the numbness
so I unapologetically loved myself and I
love that I get to spend every second of
the rest of my life living authentically
and knowing that no one else could ever
take that away from me thank you
Please follow and like us: