for friends and I created a weight loss
challenge with weekly weigh-ins and
fifty dollars on the line each week on
the first day of the challenge I woke up
early worked out ate a tiny breakfast
and went to work I saw a sign in the
break room saying there was a blood
drive happening that day now I would
like to tell you that I signed up to
give blood because I’m a good person but
did you know there are 650 calories in
just one pint of blood
I’ve given blood half a dozen times
before in my life and always felt fine
with standard 1 pint this time they
asked if I wanted to give a double red
blood cell donation because Houston
blood banks are running really low I’m
the universal donor my blood is more
sought-after than yours it’s not my
fault I some things I didn’t know at the
time but I would come to learn in the
coming hours and days the average adult
body has 10 pints of blood in it
this donation removes 2 pints of blood
spins the red blood cells out for them
to keep mixes the remaining by-product
with a saline solution and shoves it
back into my body and then that happens
again hence the double red blood cell
donation so when all is said and done
they have removed 4 of the 10 pints of
blood from my body depleted that blood
of red blood cells and replaced it with
what is essentially contact lens
solution they remove the needle from my
arm I put my arm over my head for 60
seconds and they said you’re good you
can go I didn’t get up immediately I
thought there is more to it they said no
you’re good you go turns out these
vampires wanted the chair I was in for
more blood donations but they said I was
fine so I walked up a flight of stairs
and down a long hallway back to my
office on that walk I started feeling
hot and faint and seeing black spots I
got to my desk chair and sat down
the black spots were taking over more of
my vision and I was finding it hard to
catch my breath I knew I needed help I
picked up the phone and tried to dial
the four digit extension to my secretary
a number I used to know by heart but now
my fingers clumsily bashed the keys and
my brain could not remember the number
my office was in a corner and you
couldn’t see my desk from the hallway so
I was pretty sure if I passed out in
there no one would find me for a while
so I decided to stand up walk to the
office next door tell them I had just
given blood and didn’t feel well that
was the plan at least I barely made it
out into the hallway before my body went
stiff and I felt like a tree straight
backwards the sound of my head hitting
the ground could be heard by the entire
floor everyone came running from their
offices to find me sprawled unconscious
on the ground with my head cracked open
panic ensued but to me it felt like the
most peaceful deep sleep the kind of
sleep for you drew all over the pillow
the kind of sleep or you’re having a
good dream and you hear your alarm clock
but you will yourself not to wake up I
could hear so I was unconscious I could
hear someone calling my name
over and over again and I couldn’t make
myself move when I finally regained
consciousness there were seven or eight
people standing around me and nine when
one had already been called the first
order of business was to dispel the
rumor that I was having a seizure which
I understand my body was seizing
uncontrollably because my blood sugar
was so low my eyes are rolling back in
my head and my long sleeve dress was
hiding the bandage from the blood drive
one of the people standing over me was
the managing partner of the firm which
is the boss of all bosses and he at this
point no one knew that I’d give him
blood and singles out of me he said what
happened I said Bob I gave too much
blood
shoulda kept more for myself I was
trying to keep it light heartaches I’ve
been at this job less than a year and I
didn’t want to be noticed at all let
alone for being sprawled unconscious
way when I passed out I fell out of my
shoes like a cartoon character
leaving them standing neatly
side-by-side a few feet away from my
body my knee length flowy dress had
billowed up over my upper thighs
exposing me and my underwear to a crowd
of co-workers bosses secretaries and
summer interns one of those interns was
standing over me in total shock used her
glasses he asked me and I looked up and
I nodded these were like 10 feet behind
you two sets of paramedics from two
different fire stations came to my aid
in the fire world that’s a two alarm
fire the first set of paramedics came
and they fed me a tube of lemon flavored
glucose paste for my blood sugar and
determined that one my neck was not
broken and two my brain was not bleeding
all great news the second set of
paramedics came with an EKG machine to
check my heart and they helped me sit up
and the room started spinning and I
thought I was going to throw up the more
concerning sensation however was the
feeling that my bra was no longer on
everyone was still gathered around
watching me glucose paste so I motioned
for a secretary to come closer and I
whispered did somebody remove my bra
well I was unconscious
she looked horrified she this was her
cue to clear the hallway and send
everyone back to their offices no she
told me no one touched your breast while
you were passed out also great news the
sheer force of my fall was just too much
for my bra it was not simply unhooked it
had ripped through fabric and underwire
straight down the middle and it now hung
uselessly under my v-neck dress and I
was coming dangerously close to a nip
slip in front of a bunch of old men at
work the paramedic holding the EKG
machine the only cute firefighter of the
eight who came to my a
announced I need to remove my shirt so
he could perform the EKG someone wisely
advised we not do that in the middle of
the hallway but I was still too nauseous
to stand up and walk to my office so he
put his arms underneath my armpits and
dragged me backwards across the carpet
down the hallway into my office real
dignified like once we’re in there he
said you can keep your bra on just put
the stickers on your chest your back and
your stomach I said well it must be your
lucky day as I removed my dress and made
a futile attempt to repair my bra with a
binder clip he laughed uncomfortably so
there i sat there foot they are breasted
on the floor of my office the office I
coveted for three long years of Law
School
holding my boobs and my hands and trying
to suck it in well a cute firefighter
put stickers on my boobs and tried not
to smirk thankfully nothing
life-threatening it happens I didn’t
have to go in the ambulance with them
they sent me home to rest and I my pain
and nausea and confusion kind of got
worse throughout the day and I never had
a head injury before I didn’t want to
take any chances so I called the
childhood friend of mine he was now a
paramedic and firefighter to ask his
advice told the whole story and he
laughed oh my god that was you
the guys have been talking about that
all day luck would have it he worked at
one of those two fire stations and that
story had spread like wildfire it also
spread around my office and has become
somewhat of a legend I don’t even work
there anymore and that story still gets
told every time there’s a blood drive
and that’s fine I mean initially it was
took a lot of guts to share this
embarrassing story with anyone let alone
on a stage but now I love telling the
story because it’s embarrassing
it’s more vulnerable it’s more relatable
and I love the different reactions this
gets from the audience I love you know
when you laugh at me for being such an
idiot for trying to lose weight by
giving blood I love that
or when you gasp you hear how much blood
I gave one time someone shot it from the
audience no where was he before and then
when you grow uncomfortable and silent
and embarrassed for me when my bra
breaks at work and these kind of
reactions epitomize for me the power of
storytelling everyone has stories any
stories are what connects us to each
other as humans and it gives us a
glimpse into the lives of another
someone whose experiences we haven’t
lived it feels like today our world is
more and more divided more us versus
them each side retreating farther and
farther into our own world surrounding
ourselves with an echo chamber of people
who look like us think like us speak
vote pray like us what we seem to have
forgotten is the ability to empathize
with experiences we’ve never lived
through and with people we’ve never met
but through stories you can glimpse into
another world and I think we need to do
that now more than ever it’s not always
easy
sometimes it takes guts to tell
vulnerable story or sometimes it takes
blood for for pine glasses full of blood
but I challenge you this week because it
is that within stories you find just
like in blood and guts the elements of
our common humanity so I challenge you
this week talk to someone whose life is
different than yours listen to their
story share a story of your world with
them and just be humans together
[Applause]
challenge with weekly weigh-ins and
fifty dollars on the line each week on
the first day of the challenge I woke up
early worked out ate a tiny breakfast
and went to work I saw a sign in the
break room saying there was a blood
drive happening that day now I would
like to tell you that I signed up to
give blood because I’m a good person but
did you know there are 650 calories in
just one pint of blood
I’ve given blood half a dozen times
before in my life and always felt fine
with standard 1 pint this time they
asked if I wanted to give a double red
blood cell donation because Houston
blood banks are running really low I’m
the universal donor my blood is more
sought-after than yours it’s not my
fault I some things I didn’t know at the
time but I would come to learn in the
coming hours and days the average adult
body has 10 pints of blood in it
this donation removes 2 pints of blood
spins the red blood cells out for them
to keep mixes the remaining by-product
with a saline solution and shoves it
back into my body and then that happens
again hence the double red blood cell
donation so when all is said and done
they have removed 4 of the 10 pints of
blood from my body depleted that blood
of red blood cells and replaced it with
what is essentially contact lens
solution they remove the needle from my
arm I put my arm over my head for 60
seconds and they said you’re good you
can go I didn’t get up immediately I
thought there is more to it they said no
you’re good you go turns out these
vampires wanted the chair I was in for
more blood donations but they said I was
fine so I walked up a flight of stairs
and down a long hallway back to my
office on that walk I started feeling
hot and faint and seeing black spots I
got to my desk chair and sat down
the black spots were taking over more of
my vision and I was finding it hard to
catch my breath I knew I needed help I
picked up the phone and tried to dial
the four digit extension to my secretary
a number I used to know by heart but now
my fingers clumsily bashed the keys and
my brain could not remember the number
my office was in a corner and you
couldn’t see my desk from the hallway so
I was pretty sure if I passed out in
there no one would find me for a while
so I decided to stand up walk to the
office next door tell them I had just
given blood and didn’t feel well that
was the plan at least I barely made it
out into the hallway before my body went
stiff and I felt like a tree straight
backwards the sound of my head hitting
the ground could be heard by the entire
floor everyone came running from their
offices to find me sprawled unconscious
on the ground with my head cracked open
panic ensued but to me it felt like the
most peaceful deep sleep the kind of
sleep for you drew all over the pillow
the kind of sleep or you’re having a
good dream and you hear your alarm clock
but you will yourself not to wake up I
could hear so I was unconscious I could
hear someone calling my name
over and over again and I couldn’t make
myself move when I finally regained
consciousness there were seven or eight
people standing around me and nine when
one had already been called the first
order of business was to dispel the
rumor that I was having a seizure which
I understand my body was seizing
uncontrollably because my blood sugar
was so low my eyes are rolling back in
my head and my long sleeve dress was
hiding the bandage from the blood drive
one of the people standing over me was
the managing partner of the firm which
is the boss of all bosses and he at this
point no one knew that I’d give him
blood and singles out of me he said what
happened I said Bob I gave too much
blood
shoulda kept more for myself I was
trying to keep it light heartaches I’ve
been at this job less than a year and I
didn’t want to be noticed at all let
alone for being sprawled unconscious
way when I passed out I fell out of my
shoes like a cartoon character
leaving them standing neatly
side-by-side a few feet away from my
body my knee length flowy dress had
billowed up over my upper thighs
exposing me and my underwear to a crowd
of co-workers bosses secretaries and
summer interns one of those interns was
standing over me in total shock used her
glasses he asked me and I looked up and
I nodded these were like 10 feet behind
you two sets of paramedics from two
different fire stations came to my aid
in the fire world that’s a two alarm
fire the first set of paramedics came
and they fed me a tube of lemon flavored
glucose paste for my blood sugar and
determined that one my neck was not
broken and two my brain was not bleeding
all great news the second set of
paramedics came with an EKG machine to
check my heart and they helped me sit up
and the room started spinning and I
thought I was going to throw up the more
concerning sensation however was the
feeling that my bra was no longer on
everyone was still gathered around
watching me glucose paste so I motioned
for a secretary to come closer and I
whispered did somebody remove my bra
well I was unconscious
she looked horrified she this was her
cue to clear the hallway and send
everyone back to their offices no she
told me no one touched your breast while
you were passed out also great news the
sheer force of my fall was just too much
for my bra it was not simply unhooked it
had ripped through fabric and underwire
straight down the middle and it now hung
uselessly under my v-neck dress and I
was coming dangerously close to a nip
slip in front of a bunch of old men at
work the paramedic holding the EKG
machine the only cute firefighter of the
eight who came to my a
announced I need to remove my shirt so
he could perform the EKG someone wisely
advised we not do that in the middle of
the hallway but I was still too nauseous
to stand up and walk to my office so he
put his arms underneath my armpits and
dragged me backwards across the carpet
down the hallway into my office real
dignified like once we’re in there he
said you can keep your bra on just put
the stickers on your chest your back and
your stomach I said well it must be your
lucky day as I removed my dress and made
a futile attempt to repair my bra with a
binder clip he laughed uncomfortably so
there i sat there foot they are breasted
on the floor of my office the office I
coveted for three long years of Law
School
holding my boobs and my hands and trying
to suck it in well a cute firefighter
put stickers on my boobs and tried not
to smirk thankfully nothing
life-threatening it happens I didn’t
have to go in the ambulance with them
they sent me home to rest and I my pain
and nausea and confusion kind of got
worse throughout the day and I never had
a head injury before I didn’t want to
take any chances so I called the
childhood friend of mine he was now a
paramedic and firefighter to ask his
advice told the whole story and he
laughed oh my god that was you
the guys have been talking about that
all day luck would have it he worked at
one of those two fire stations and that
story had spread like wildfire it also
spread around my office and has become
somewhat of a legend I don’t even work
there anymore and that story still gets
told every time there’s a blood drive
and that’s fine I mean initially it was
took a lot of guts to share this
embarrassing story with anyone let alone
on a stage but now I love telling the
story because it’s embarrassing
it’s more vulnerable it’s more relatable
and I love the different reactions this
gets from the audience I love you know
when you laugh at me for being such an
idiot for trying to lose weight by
giving blood I love that
or when you gasp you hear how much blood
I gave one time someone shot it from the
audience no where was he before and then
when you grow uncomfortable and silent
and embarrassed for me when my bra
breaks at work and these kind of
reactions epitomize for me the power of
storytelling everyone has stories any
stories are what connects us to each
other as humans and it gives us a
glimpse into the lives of another
someone whose experiences we haven’t
lived it feels like today our world is
more and more divided more us versus
them each side retreating farther and
farther into our own world surrounding
ourselves with an echo chamber of people
who look like us think like us speak
vote pray like us what we seem to have
forgotten is the ability to empathize
with experiences we’ve never lived
through and with people we’ve never met
but through stories you can glimpse into
another world and I think we need to do
that now more than ever it’s not always
easy
sometimes it takes guts to tell
vulnerable story or sometimes it takes
blood for for pine glasses full of blood
but I challenge you this week because it
is that within stories you find just
like in blood and guts the elements of
our common humanity so I challenge you
this week talk to someone whose life is
different than yours listen to their
story share a story of your world with
them and just be humans together
[Applause]
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