have you ever wondered if there is a
formula for happiness why some people
seem to have it and others do not
well when I was 17 I refused to believe
that happiness was a mere stroke of luck
bestowed upon a lucky few I thought if
there’s a god or if there’s a universe
surely he would not say you people over
here get to have a really great life and
new people over here unfortunately do
not that doesn’t seem fair I thought
there must be some secret to happiness a
formula we could all follow that would
allow us to have a happy and fulfilled
life most of the time so I packed my
bags and I headed off to university to
find some answers my first year of uni
was okay I was living on an all-girls
college and while it was good it wasn’t
the fun college experience that I was
hoping for but I was happy with what I
was studying a Bachelor of law so that I
could help people in a practical way and
a Bachelor of Arts majoring in
psychology and philosophy so I could
help people in an emotional way and then
in my second year of university
something unexpected happened I was
bullied a group of girls slashed my
tires they egged my car and every time I
would go nightclubbing they would push
me over and at the time I couldn’t
understand why this was happening to me
I was a good person I was always kind
and loving it didn’t seem fair but even
at the age of 18 I knew that everything
was happening for a reason so I decided
to do what would make me happy and I
moved to Brisbane changed universities
and lived on a co-ed college with guys
and girls and I had the most fun field
year of my life
this was the embracing and fun college
experience that I had always dreamed of
and I distinctly remember in my first
week of college thinking blessed those
nasty girls who did what they did
because if they hadn’t have done what
they’d done I wouldn’t be here having
the time of my life
fast-forward eight years and at the
tender age
of 26 I opened my own law firm and
within three years we had grown so much
that I had 13 staff working for me
or should I say 13 stressed female staff
faced with this challenge I realized
that I needed to introduce personal
development into my workplace so I went
to every seminar that I could I listen
to podcasts I read books and then I
pulled the best of all that together and
I tried and I tested it on my team and
within three months something incredible
happened the really resistant staff
seemed to move away and find new jobs
and my remaining team became genuinely
happy engaged and really supportive of
each other they became connected through
their shared desire to be happy in 2008
one of my professional dreams came true
and I won young manager of the universe
Oh young manager young manager of the
universe I want young manager with the
Australian Institute of Management for
my innovative staff well-being program
called 5 secrets to a happy workplace
and the funny thing was that although I
thought I was introducing personal
development for the benefit of my team I
became so happy within myself and
passionate about personal development
but for next year I sold my law firm and
I’ve been working as a motivational
speaker in organizations and life
coaching ever since so you might be
wondering well what are these five
secrets to a happy workplace or to being
happy well if I told you it wouldn’t be
a secret just kidding so today I’m going
to share with you three of those secrets
not just to a happy workplace but to a
happy life but before I do get started I
just want to show you one of the most
amazing things that I’ve come across in
personal development and I think we all
need to know about it’s called our scale
of emotions and I’ve adapted this scale
and concepts from my presentation from
the incredible body of work of Esther
Hicks so down the bottom of the
emotional scale is grief depression
despair
fear powerlessness guilt insecurity and
unworthiness would everyone agree that
no matter what country you are from no
what no matter what culture you are from
this is how we feel when we are at our
lowest everyone agree yeah so to move up
from these heavy emotions we actually
need to reach for a better feeling
thought or better feeling emotion of
jealousy hatred rage revenge anger
discouragement or even blame one of my
favorite quotes from Esther Hicks is not
a blow was dealt from a place other than
insecurity
so if someone is lashing out at you in
anger they’re actually moving up the
scale from the feeling of insecurity and
while it might not like to seem like it
at the time they are actually going in
the right direction and if you can
soothe their insecurities you can help
them move even further up the scale so
that hopefully they can connect with a
lighter emotion like worry or doubt or
disappointment or overwhelm it or
frustration or irritation impatience and
pessimism can you see how these emotions
are a lot less resistant reaching the
middle of the scale we are at boredom
and contentment we’re not happy we’re
not sad we’re just sort of in the middle
and then we go to hope and optimism
where we can see a light at the end of
the tunnel we then move to the delicious
feelings of positive expectation beliefs
happiness eagerness passion and
enthusiasm and then arriving at our top
emotions of appreciation love freedom
empowerment and joy so at any point in
time we’re going up and down that
emotional scale based on the thoughts we
are thinking and the way we are feeling
so to understand that thoughts and
emotions are connected in this way was
absolutely revolutionary for me so when
you’re not feeling good simply try to
identify where you are on the scale and
reach for a better feeling thought or
emotion so with this foundation to build
upon let me tell you about my secret
one contrast is our catalyst for change
what is contrast contrast is when we’re
having negative thoughts and emotions
it’s the times when we’re not happy
this concept is a bit like a slingshot
and although it feels like we’re going
backwards the contract cut the contrast
actually propels us forward away from
negative experience and towards a more
positive goal because contrast actually
creates clarity and new desire I had a
massive contrast when I was at uni and
being bullied but that contrast served a
really great purpose it gave me the
clarity and the courage to move to
Brisbane when where I experienced my
next level of happiness if we look at
the sinking of the Titanic 100 years ago
it was a terrible contrast but out of
that contrast has come so many
significant advancements in the marine
industry has anyone been on a cruise
ship lately
yes well the first thing you do is a
fire drill everyone has a lifejacket
everyone has a life raft and the way
ships are built are so much stronger and
safer than ever before and here’s the
cool thing if we look at life from a new
broader perspective we can actually know
that everything is just unfolding
perfectly because we’re either having
contrast or we’re receiving the newfound
happiness we’ve been asking for so
instead of saying things are going
really bad for me we can say I’m just
having some contrast right now and that
contrast is helping me refine my
preferences which is helping me work out
what I don’t want which is giving me
clarity on what I do want but where a
lot of people make the mistake is they
just keep feeding the drum of their
negative experience and they stay
focused on why it’s not fair or why this
is happening to them instead of turning
their attention to the clarity and new
desire that contrast provides so our
contrast and negative emotion is a
positive thing it’s what causes us to
grow and evolve it’s part of being human
and every single person on the planet
has contrast it’s just that some people
are a little faster at identifying it
and turning around to the clarity that
has been provided being a personal
development philosopher a lot of people
ask me what is the meaning of life
it’s a big question and the answer is up
to you but the best definition that I
have found that I can give you today’s
we are here to enjoy the evolving
journey we’re always going to be
evolving and growing but what we want to
do is find a way to enjoy the ride so
how do we enjoy this evolving journey
well this leads me into secret number
two let it go let go of criticizing
other people like of criticizing
ourselves let go of blame let go of
guilt let go of need for the other
people to agree with you because we are
all viewing the world from a different
perspective and wouldn’t it be a boring
world if we were all the same one of the
biggest things that I had to let go of
was taking things personally because
people will love you and people will
hate you and none of that will have
anything to do with you because on that
scale of emotions a person if love is
going to speak to you lovingly and a
person who is feeling negative emotion
may possibly lash out at you in anger
and remember when a person lashes out at
you in anger it’s actually a sign of
their own inner battle and they’re just
trying to move up the scale and if you
don’t take it personally they will
eventually leave you out of it
let letting go of worry do we have any
warriors in the room I used to be a
warrior until I realized that worrying
is actually using your imagination to
create what you don’t want because when
you are worrying you’re empowering that
and when you’re empowering that you’re
attracting more of it also when you are
worrying you are either living in the
fear of the past or the fear of the
future you are not connected to your
present so instead of worrying about
what you
one try to think about what you do want
and a big part of letting go of worry is
letting go of control we often try to be
managers of the universe and control
people and situations but the only thing
in life we ever have control over is the
way we feel so we might as well feel
good and finally let go of complaining
when my husband and I first started
doing this personal development journey
we decided that we would try and stop
complaining and criticizing things well
for the first three weeks we had nothing
to talk about but suddenly a whole lot
of time and energy was on our hands to
focus on appreciating the great things
we did have in our life and planning fun
activities that would bring us joy which
leads me into my final secret for today
secret number three get happy reconnect
with yourself and do whatever you need
to do to get happy if you need to go to
the beach every day you do it if you
need to change career or run away from
home you do it you do whatever you need
to do to get happy because your
happiness is your greatest gift and you
have nothing to give without it and
another way of saying get happy is
selfishly seek your joy some people
don’t like the word selfishly so you can
substitute the words self caringly seek
your joy but you have to be selfish
enough to seek your alignment to do what
makes you feel good
guilt-free because if you don’t you do
start to resent the people around you
and after all life’s supposed to be fun
so how do we stop negative thought and
get happy by connecting with the things
we enjoyed doing and doing them exercise
is a wonderful mood enhancer I do boot
camp three times a week and for one hour
I am in the present I’m not worrying
about the past I’m not thinking about
all the work I need to do I’m totally
connected to my life music hobbies games
and meditation are all in
edible mood enhancers I love putting
music on in my car and just feeling the
wonderful mood enhancement that it gives
if you want to have a happy life you
have to do things that make you happy
so whose job is to make us happy it’s
not our partners job it’s not our
children’s job it’s not our bosses job
it’s our job because happiness is
different for every single person and
we’re the only ones who know what makes
us happy and at some point in our lives
we have to stop blaming other people and
take responsibility for our happiness so
20 years later I have a much better
understanding of happiness and I’ve
realized that happiness is all about
connection and in particular connection
with ourselves it’s about working out
who we are and what we love and what
will make us enjoy this evolving journey
so on a final note who would like to
increase their happiness by even 10%
oh come on everyone
awesome well I would like to invite you
to take a happiness challenge for one
week for one week let’s really connect
with ourselves and do things that make
us feel good and think thoughts that
bring us joy because after all happiness
spreads happiness and if we want to have
a happy world we have to start with
being happy within ourselves so together
let’s get happy
[Applause]
formula for happiness why some people
seem to have it and others do not
well when I was 17 I refused to believe
that happiness was a mere stroke of luck
bestowed upon a lucky few I thought if
there’s a god or if there’s a universe
surely he would not say you people over
here get to have a really great life and
new people over here unfortunately do
not that doesn’t seem fair I thought
there must be some secret to happiness a
formula we could all follow that would
allow us to have a happy and fulfilled
life most of the time so I packed my
bags and I headed off to university to
find some answers my first year of uni
was okay I was living on an all-girls
college and while it was good it wasn’t
the fun college experience that I was
hoping for but I was happy with what I
was studying a Bachelor of law so that I
could help people in a practical way and
a Bachelor of Arts majoring in
psychology and philosophy so I could
help people in an emotional way and then
in my second year of university
something unexpected happened I was
bullied a group of girls slashed my
tires they egged my car and every time I
would go nightclubbing they would push
me over and at the time I couldn’t
understand why this was happening to me
I was a good person I was always kind
and loving it didn’t seem fair but even
at the age of 18 I knew that everything
was happening for a reason so I decided
to do what would make me happy and I
moved to Brisbane changed universities
and lived on a co-ed college with guys
and girls and I had the most fun field
year of my life
this was the embracing and fun college
experience that I had always dreamed of
and I distinctly remember in my first
week of college thinking blessed those
nasty girls who did what they did
because if they hadn’t have done what
they’d done I wouldn’t be here having
the time of my life
fast-forward eight years and at the
tender age
of 26 I opened my own law firm and
within three years we had grown so much
that I had 13 staff working for me
or should I say 13 stressed female staff
faced with this challenge I realized
that I needed to introduce personal
development into my workplace so I went
to every seminar that I could I listen
to podcasts I read books and then I
pulled the best of all that together and
I tried and I tested it on my team and
within three months something incredible
happened the really resistant staff
seemed to move away and find new jobs
and my remaining team became genuinely
happy engaged and really supportive of
each other they became connected through
their shared desire to be happy in 2008
one of my professional dreams came true
and I won young manager of the universe
Oh young manager young manager of the
universe I want young manager with the
Australian Institute of Management for
my innovative staff well-being program
called 5 secrets to a happy workplace
and the funny thing was that although I
thought I was introducing personal
development for the benefit of my team I
became so happy within myself and
passionate about personal development
but for next year I sold my law firm and
I’ve been working as a motivational
speaker in organizations and life
coaching ever since so you might be
wondering well what are these five
secrets to a happy workplace or to being
happy well if I told you it wouldn’t be
a secret just kidding so today I’m going
to share with you three of those secrets
not just to a happy workplace but to a
happy life but before I do get started I
just want to show you one of the most
amazing things that I’ve come across in
personal development and I think we all
need to know about it’s called our scale
of emotions and I’ve adapted this scale
and concepts from my presentation from
the incredible body of work of Esther
Hicks so down the bottom of the
emotional scale is grief depression
despair
fear powerlessness guilt insecurity and
unworthiness would everyone agree that
no matter what country you are from no
what no matter what culture you are from
this is how we feel when we are at our
lowest everyone agree yeah so to move up
from these heavy emotions we actually
need to reach for a better feeling
thought or better feeling emotion of
jealousy hatred rage revenge anger
discouragement or even blame one of my
favorite quotes from Esther Hicks is not
a blow was dealt from a place other than
insecurity
so if someone is lashing out at you in
anger they’re actually moving up the
scale from the feeling of insecurity and
while it might not like to seem like it
at the time they are actually going in
the right direction and if you can
soothe their insecurities you can help
them move even further up the scale so
that hopefully they can connect with a
lighter emotion like worry or doubt or
disappointment or overwhelm it or
frustration or irritation impatience and
pessimism can you see how these emotions
are a lot less resistant reaching the
middle of the scale we are at boredom
and contentment we’re not happy we’re
not sad we’re just sort of in the middle
and then we go to hope and optimism
where we can see a light at the end of
the tunnel we then move to the delicious
feelings of positive expectation beliefs
happiness eagerness passion and
enthusiasm and then arriving at our top
emotions of appreciation love freedom
empowerment and joy so at any point in
time we’re going up and down that
emotional scale based on the thoughts we
are thinking and the way we are feeling
so to understand that thoughts and
emotions are connected in this way was
absolutely revolutionary for me so when
you’re not feeling good simply try to
identify where you are on the scale and
reach for a better feeling thought or
emotion so with this foundation to build
upon let me tell you about my secret
one contrast is our catalyst for change
what is contrast contrast is when we’re
having negative thoughts and emotions
it’s the times when we’re not happy
this concept is a bit like a slingshot
and although it feels like we’re going
backwards the contract cut the contrast
actually propels us forward away from
negative experience and towards a more
positive goal because contrast actually
creates clarity and new desire I had a
massive contrast when I was at uni and
being bullied but that contrast served a
really great purpose it gave me the
clarity and the courage to move to
Brisbane when where I experienced my
next level of happiness if we look at
the sinking of the Titanic 100 years ago
it was a terrible contrast but out of
that contrast has come so many
significant advancements in the marine
industry has anyone been on a cruise
ship lately
yes well the first thing you do is a
fire drill everyone has a lifejacket
everyone has a life raft and the way
ships are built are so much stronger and
safer than ever before and here’s the
cool thing if we look at life from a new
broader perspective we can actually know
that everything is just unfolding
perfectly because we’re either having
contrast or we’re receiving the newfound
happiness we’ve been asking for so
instead of saying things are going
really bad for me we can say I’m just
having some contrast right now and that
contrast is helping me refine my
preferences which is helping me work out
what I don’t want which is giving me
clarity on what I do want but where a
lot of people make the mistake is they
just keep feeding the drum of their
negative experience and they stay
focused on why it’s not fair or why this
is happening to them instead of turning
their attention to the clarity and new
desire that contrast provides so our
contrast and negative emotion is a
positive thing it’s what causes us to
grow and evolve it’s part of being human
and every single person on the planet
has contrast it’s just that some people
are a little faster at identifying it
and turning around to the clarity that
has been provided being a personal
development philosopher a lot of people
ask me what is the meaning of life
it’s a big question and the answer is up
to you but the best definition that I
have found that I can give you today’s
we are here to enjoy the evolving
journey we’re always going to be
evolving and growing but what we want to
do is find a way to enjoy the ride so
how do we enjoy this evolving journey
well this leads me into secret number
two let it go let go of criticizing
other people like of criticizing
ourselves let go of blame let go of
guilt let go of need for the other
people to agree with you because we are
all viewing the world from a different
perspective and wouldn’t it be a boring
world if we were all the same one of the
biggest things that I had to let go of
was taking things personally because
people will love you and people will
hate you and none of that will have
anything to do with you because on that
scale of emotions a person if love is
going to speak to you lovingly and a
person who is feeling negative emotion
may possibly lash out at you in anger
and remember when a person lashes out at
you in anger it’s actually a sign of
their own inner battle and they’re just
trying to move up the scale and if you
don’t take it personally they will
eventually leave you out of it
let letting go of worry do we have any
warriors in the room I used to be a
warrior until I realized that worrying
is actually using your imagination to
create what you don’t want because when
you are worrying you’re empowering that
and when you’re empowering that you’re
attracting more of it also when you are
worrying you are either living in the
fear of the past or the fear of the
future you are not connected to your
present so instead of worrying about
what you
one try to think about what you do want
and a big part of letting go of worry is
letting go of control we often try to be
managers of the universe and control
people and situations but the only thing
in life we ever have control over is the
way we feel so we might as well feel
good and finally let go of complaining
when my husband and I first started
doing this personal development journey
we decided that we would try and stop
complaining and criticizing things well
for the first three weeks we had nothing
to talk about but suddenly a whole lot
of time and energy was on our hands to
focus on appreciating the great things
we did have in our life and planning fun
activities that would bring us joy which
leads me into my final secret for today
secret number three get happy reconnect
with yourself and do whatever you need
to do to get happy if you need to go to
the beach every day you do it if you
need to change career or run away from
home you do it you do whatever you need
to do to get happy because your
happiness is your greatest gift and you
have nothing to give without it and
another way of saying get happy is
selfishly seek your joy some people
don’t like the word selfishly so you can
substitute the words self caringly seek
your joy but you have to be selfish
enough to seek your alignment to do what
makes you feel good
guilt-free because if you don’t you do
start to resent the people around you
and after all life’s supposed to be fun
so how do we stop negative thought and
get happy by connecting with the things
we enjoyed doing and doing them exercise
is a wonderful mood enhancer I do boot
camp three times a week and for one hour
I am in the present I’m not worrying
about the past I’m not thinking about
all the work I need to do I’m totally
connected to my life music hobbies games
and meditation are all in
edible mood enhancers I love putting
music on in my car and just feeling the
wonderful mood enhancement that it gives
if you want to have a happy life you
have to do things that make you happy
so whose job is to make us happy it’s
not our partners job it’s not our
children’s job it’s not our bosses job
it’s our job because happiness is
different for every single person and
we’re the only ones who know what makes
us happy and at some point in our lives
we have to stop blaming other people and
take responsibility for our happiness so
20 years later I have a much better
understanding of happiness and I’ve
realized that happiness is all about
connection and in particular connection
with ourselves it’s about working out
who we are and what we love and what
will make us enjoy this evolving journey
so on a final note who would like to
increase their happiness by even 10%
oh come on everyone
awesome well I would like to invite you
to take a happiness challenge for one
week for one week let’s really connect
with ourselves and do things that make
us feel good and think thoughts that
bring us joy because after all happiness
spreads happiness and if we want to have
a happy world we have to start with
being happy within ourselves so together
let’s get happy
[Applause]
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