hi guys so what if I told you the thing
positive or be grateful or maybe forgive
and forget when life gives you lemons
make lemonade live in the moment or
treat others way that you want to be
treated alright okay so I already see
some of you tweeting out and that’s
probably because this isn’t the first or
even the hundredth time that you’ve
heard these sayings I mean from friends
to self-help books to artsy Instagram
posts these things have been emblazoned
across our minds in white cursive across
an over filtered picture of the sunset
or the beach or some really really happy
people but they’re overused for a reason
and that’s because they’re true but how
many of us can actually say that we live
by them well I know you’re thinking
that’s greater than all Lindsey but
they’re way too vague for me to actually
apply to my life well that’s what I’m
here for it today I’m gonna give you a
few daily adjustments that you can make
in your life to increase your general
positivity and also your general
well-being okay so without further ado
number one practice optimism okay well
anyway number two apparently be
optimistic right so this next exercise
is actually used often in psychotherapy
for people with depression but you don’t
have to be depressed to use it you just
it’s for those days when you’re feeling
a little bit blue and you’re caught in a
negative mindset don’t quite know how to
get out so the first thing that you want
to do is to write down the trigger
situation that causes you to feel this
way maybe it was an argument maybe it
was a bad breakup or maybe you’re just
having a bad day the important thing is
that you write it down the second thing
that you do is write down the emotions
that you’re feeling and it’s not good
enough to say that you’re feeling bad or
sad try to be specific are you anxious
are you lonely are you heartbroken are
you depressed the third thing that you
want to do is write down the thoughts
that are causing these emotions so these
thoughts can range anywhere from I’m a
total failure in life to I didn’t do
quite well on that last history test but
again you’re gonna want to try to be as
specific as possible and you don’t want
to phrase things as rhetorical questions
make them statements the fourth part is
where you ask yourself two questions the
first how probable or true is what I’m
thinking so this one came pretty in
handy for me after IV day when I was
rejected from all five or six Ivy League
schools that I applied to and this
little nagging voice in my head said
Lindsay you’re a failure and you’re
never gonna amount to anything in life
and then I asked myself this question
and I thought all right okay I’m 18
years old how likely is it that I’ve
already failed at life just because I
didn’t get into a school in a sports
league all right okay now the second
question that you ask yourself is this
alright so what if it’s true what’s
gonna happen next I’m gonna go to the
example of getting a bad grade on a test
so it’s pretty indisputable that you
didn’t get the grade that you wanted so
the first question isn’t gonna work here
that’s where you ask yourself the second
question is this one test going to ruin
your life completely probably not what
it’s gonna do is drop your grade a few
points but there’s another test coming
up in a week and a half and if you study
a little bit more this time maybe you
can bring that grid right back up so the
fifth and most important part of this
whole process is to come up with a
coping statement based on your answers
to these two questions now I’m gonna
read you the one that I wrote for myself
after IV day Lindsay you’re a successful
young woman and even if these rejections
are any indication of who you are as a
person that just means that you need to
focus on yourself because thinking about
these things is not going to help you at
all all right so as you can see this
whole process isn’t just about thinking
positive it’s about thinking
realistically because when you’re caught
in that negative mindset oftentimes that
doesn’t happen so what these questions
and what these coping statements are
going to do for you is ground you back
in the reality that you missed out all
right number two three um be forgiving
or practice forgiveness all right so all
right so the first thing that you’re
gonna want to do in order to do this is
to acknowledge the times that you have
done something similar to the
transgressor in this situation now I
know how easy it is to hold grudges or
feel
you need to take revenge on someone who
has wronged you and that is because of
something called cognitive dissonance in
which you hold two opposing beliefs at
the same time now how can somebody hurt
you and be a good person at the same
time well the way that we resolved this
inner conflict is often just by
resorting to the fact that obviously
that person is just a bad person who
doesn’t deserve our sympathy so we’re
gonna hate them now in order for this
exercise to work you’re going to need to
confront those uncomfortable thoughts
that’s why you’re gonna think of the
times that you have done these things
now just because you have done these
things does that make you a bad person
no so does that other person
automatically become a bad person as
well probably not now the second thing
that you’re gonna want to do is to think
about the circumstances of this person’s
behavior I’m gonna use the example of
that jerk who just cut you off in
traffic it’s pretty it’s it might be
likely that they really are just a jerk
who can’t drive or maybe it’s a dad
rushing his son to the hospital after he
just broke his arm or maybe it’s just a
new driver who doesn’t quite know the
rules of the road yet or maybe it’s
somebody rushing to their first big
interview and this this process is going
to change their life you don’t know that
it’s a trap that people often fall into
where they’ll attribute a person’s
wrongdoings to their inherent character
instead of thinking about the situation
that surrounds them again be willing to
confront these uncomfortable thoughts
because that is the most important part
of this process alright so number 3 / 4
spend on other people alright so there’s
a certain level of truth in the saying
money doesn’t make buy happiness and
after all average GDP across America has
increased over the past few years but
average level of happiness has stayed
relatively the same now how could that
be
probably because even though people are
getting more money they’re not changing
the way that they spend that money and a
study done by Elizabeth Dunn she found
that people tend to overestimate the how
happy spending money on themselves will
make them so instead we should spend
money on other people because that is
scientifically proven to create
long-lasting emotional
now spend in this context doesn’t just
mean money
it also means time so what I challenge
you to do for my last exercise is to do
one unsolicited good deed for somebody
every day maybe you can buy that friend
a cookie at lunch or maybe you can treat
your friends and family out to dinner
one evening instead of holing up in your
room and playing video games or whatever
or maybe you could just shoot somebody a
text or give them a nice call and tell
them just how much you appreciate them
again try to be try to vary up what you
do because a little variety actually
makes this exercise backfire
now I’m going to end on a bit of a
disclaimer and say that I can’t
guarantee that everything that I’m about
to say is going to work for every single
one of you in this room but what I can
guarantee you is that you won’t know
until you try so what I challenge you to
do now is to go home and try at least
one of these things because you never
know could just be what you need thank
you [Applause]
positive or be grateful or maybe forgive
and forget when life gives you lemons
make lemonade live in the moment or
treat others way that you want to be
treated alright okay so I already see
some of you tweeting out and that’s
probably because this isn’t the first or
even the hundredth time that you’ve
heard these sayings I mean from friends
to self-help books to artsy Instagram
posts these things have been emblazoned
across our minds in white cursive across
an over filtered picture of the sunset
or the beach or some really really happy
people but they’re overused for a reason
and that’s because they’re true but how
many of us can actually say that we live
by them well I know you’re thinking
that’s greater than all Lindsey but
they’re way too vague for me to actually
apply to my life well that’s what I’m
here for it today I’m gonna give you a
few daily adjustments that you can make
in your life to increase your general
positivity and also your general
well-being okay so without further ado
number one practice optimism okay well
anyway number two apparently be
optimistic right so this next exercise
is actually used often in psychotherapy
for people with depression but you don’t
have to be depressed to use it you just
it’s for those days when you’re feeling
a little bit blue and you’re caught in a
negative mindset don’t quite know how to
get out so the first thing that you want
to do is to write down the trigger
situation that causes you to feel this
way maybe it was an argument maybe it
was a bad breakup or maybe you’re just
having a bad day the important thing is
that you write it down the second thing
that you do is write down the emotions
that you’re feeling and it’s not good
enough to say that you’re feeling bad or
sad try to be specific are you anxious
are you lonely are you heartbroken are
you depressed the third thing that you
want to do is write down the thoughts
that are causing these emotions so these
thoughts can range anywhere from I’m a
total failure in life to I didn’t do
quite well on that last history test but
again you’re gonna want to try to be as
specific as possible and you don’t want
to phrase things as rhetorical questions
make them statements the fourth part is
where you ask yourself two questions the
first how probable or true is what I’m
thinking so this one came pretty in
handy for me after IV day when I was
rejected from all five or six Ivy League
schools that I applied to and this
little nagging voice in my head said
Lindsay you’re a failure and you’re
never gonna amount to anything in life
and then I asked myself this question
and I thought all right okay I’m 18
years old how likely is it that I’ve
already failed at life just because I
didn’t get into a school in a sports
league all right okay now the second
question that you ask yourself is this
alright so what if it’s true what’s
gonna happen next I’m gonna go to the
example of getting a bad grade on a test
so it’s pretty indisputable that you
didn’t get the grade that you wanted so
the first question isn’t gonna work here
that’s where you ask yourself the second
question is this one test going to ruin
your life completely probably not what
it’s gonna do is drop your grade a few
points but there’s another test coming
up in a week and a half and if you study
a little bit more this time maybe you
can bring that grid right back up so the
fifth and most important part of this
whole process is to come up with a
coping statement based on your answers
to these two questions now I’m gonna
read you the one that I wrote for myself
after IV day Lindsay you’re a successful
young woman and even if these rejections
are any indication of who you are as a
person that just means that you need to
focus on yourself because thinking about
these things is not going to help you at
all all right so as you can see this
whole process isn’t just about thinking
positive it’s about thinking
realistically because when you’re caught
in that negative mindset oftentimes that
doesn’t happen so what these questions
and what these coping statements are
going to do for you is ground you back
in the reality that you missed out all
right number two three um be forgiving
or practice forgiveness all right so all
right so the first thing that you’re
gonna want to do in order to do this is
to acknowledge the times that you have
done something similar to the
transgressor in this situation now I
know how easy it is to hold grudges or
feel
you need to take revenge on someone who
has wronged you and that is because of
something called cognitive dissonance in
which you hold two opposing beliefs at
the same time now how can somebody hurt
you and be a good person at the same
time well the way that we resolved this
inner conflict is often just by
resorting to the fact that obviously
that person is just a bad person who
doesn’t deserve our sympathy so we’re
gonna hate them now in order for this
exercise to work you’re going to need to
confront those uncomfortable thoughts
that’s why you’re gonna think of the
times that you have done these things
now just because you have done these
things does that make you a bad person
no so does that other person
automatically become a bad person as
well probably not now the second thing
that you’re gonna want to do is to think
about the circumstances of this person’s
behavior I’m gonna use the example of
that jerk who just cut you off in
traffic it’s pretty it’s it might be
likely that they really are just a jerk
who can’t drive or maybe it’s a dad
rushing his son to the hospital after he
just broke his arm or maybe it’s just a
new driver who doesn’t quite know the
rules of the road yet or maybe it’s
somebody rushing to their first big
interview and this this process is going
to change their life you don’t know that
it’s a trap that people often fall into
where they’ll attribute a person’s
wrongdoings to their inherent character
instead of thinking about the situation
that surrounds them again be willing to
confront these uncomfortable thoughts
because that is the most important part
of this process alright so number 3 / 4
spend on other people alright so there’s
a certain level of truth in the saying
money doesn’t make buy happiness and
after all average GDP across America has
increased over the past few years but
average level of happiness has stayed
relatively the same now how could that
be
probably because even though people are
getting more money they’re not changing
the way that they spend that money and a
study done by Elizabeth Dunn she found
that people tend to overestimate the how
happy spending money on themselves will
make them so instead we should spend
money on other people because that is
scientifically proven to create
long-lasting emotional
now spend in this context doesn’t just
mean money
it also means time so what I challenge
you to do for my last exercise is to do
one unsolicited good deed for somebody
every day maybe you can buy that friend
a cookie at lunch or maybe you can treat
your friends and family out to dinner
one evening instead of holing up in your
room and playing video games or whatever
or maybe you could just shoot somebody a
text or give them a nice call and tell
them just how much you appreciate them
again try to be try to vary up what you
do because a little variety actually
makes this exercise backfire
now I’m going to end on a bit of a
disclaimer and say that I can’t
guarantee that everything that I’m about
to say is going to work for every single
one of you in this room but what I can
guarantee you is that you won’t know
until you try so what I challenge you to
do now is to go home and try at least
one of these things because you never
know could just be what you need thank
you [Applause]
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