The Millennial Question

I have yet to give a speech or have a
meeting where somebody doesn’t ask me
the Millenial question what’s the
millennial question apparently
Millennials as a generation which is a
group of people who were born
approximately 1984 and after are tough
to manage and they’re accused of being
entitled and narcissistic
self-interested unfocused lazy but
entitled is the big one and and because
they confound leadership so much what’s
happening as leaders are asking the
Millennials what do you want and
Millennials are saying we want to work
in a place with purpose love that we
want to make an impact you know whatever
that means we want free food and bean
bags and so somebody articulates some
sort of purpose there’s lots of free
food and there’s bean bags and yet for
some reason they’re still not happy and
that’s because you that they’re missing
there’s a there’s a missing piece what
I’ve learned is that there I can break
it down into four pieces right there are
four four things four characteristics
one is parenting the other one is
technology
third is impatience and the fourth is
environment the generation that we call
the Millennials too many of them grew up
subject to not my words failed parenting
strategies you know where for example
they were told that they were special
all the time they were told that they
have anything they want in life just cuz
they want it right they were told some
of them got into honors classes not
because they deserved it but because
their parents complained and some of
them got a is not because they earned
them but because the teachers didn’t
want to deal with the parents some kids
got participation medals they got a
medal for coming in last right which the
science we know is pretty clear which is
it devalues the metal and the reward for
those who actually work hard and that
actually makes the person who comes in
last feel embarrassed because they know
they didn’t deserve it so that makes me
feel worse
right so you take this group of people
in the graduate school and they get a
job and the thrust into an it into the
real world and in an instant they find
out they’re not special
their moms can’t get them a promotion
that you get nothing for coming in last
and by the way you can’t just have it
because you want it right and in an
instant their entire self image is
shattered and so you have an entire
generation that’s growing up with lower
self esteem than previous generations
the other problem to compound it is
we’re growing up in a facebook Instagram
world in other words we’re good at
putting filters on things we’re good at
showing people that life is amazing even
though I’m depressed right and so
everybody sounds tough and everybody
sounds like they got it we’ll figure it
out and the reality is there’s very
little toughness and most people don’t
have it figured out and so when the more
senior people say what we do they sound
like this is what you got at it and they
have no clue so you have an entire
generation growing up with lower
self-esteem than previous generations
right through no fault of their own
through no fault of their own right they
were dealt a bad hand right now let’s
add in technology we know that
engagement with social media and our
cell phones releases a chemical called
dopamine
that’s why when you get a text feels
good right so you know we’ve all had it
we you’re feeling a little bit down or
feeling a bit lonely and so you send out
ten texts to ten friends you know high
high high high high because it feels
good when you get a response right right
it’s why we count the likes it’s why we
go back ten times to see if and if it’s
going if our my instagram is growing
slower I would do something wrong do
they not like me anymore right the
trauma for young kids to be unfriended
right because we know when you get it
you get a hit of dopamine which feels
good why we like it it’s why we keep
going back to it dopamine is the exact
same chemical that makes us feel good
when we smoke when we drink and when we
gamble in other words it’s highly highly
addictive right we have age restrictions
on smoking gambling and alcohol and we
have no age restrictions and social
media and cell phones which is the
equivalent of opening up the liquor
cabinet and saying to our teenagers hey
by the way this adolescence thing if it
gets you down
but that’s basically what’s happening
that’s basically what’s happening right
that’s basically what happened you have
an entire generation that has access to
an addictive numbing to chemical called
dopamine through social media and
cellphones as they’re going through the
high stress of adolescence why is this
important
almost every alcoholic discovered
alcohol when they were teenagers when
we’re very very young the only approval
we need is the approval of our parents
and as we go through adolescence we make
this transition where we now need the
approval of our peers very frustrating
for our parents very important for us
that allows us to acculturate outside of
our immediate families into the broader
tribe right it’s a highly highly
stressful and anxious period of our
lives and we’re supposed to learn to
rely on our friends some people quite by
accident discover alcohol and numbing
effects of dopamine to help them cope
with the stresses and anxieties of
adolescence unfortunately that becomes
hardwired in their brains and for the
rest of their lives when they suffer
significant stress they will not turn to
a person they will turn to the bottle
social stress financial stress career
stress that’s pretty much the primary
reasons why an alcoholic drinks right
what’s happening is because we’re out
allowing unfettered access to these
dopamine producing devices and media
basically it’s becoming hardwired and
what we’re seeing is as they grow older
they to many kids don’t know how to form
deep meaningful relationships their
words not mine they will admit that many
of their friendships are superficial
they will admit that their friends that
they don’t count on their friends they
don’t rely on their friends they have
fun with their friends but they also
know that their friends will cancel out
them that something better comes along
deep meaningful relationships are not
there because they never practice the
skill set and worse they don’t have the
coping mechanisms to deal with stress so
when significant stress starts to show
up in their lives they’re not turning to
a person they’re turning to a device
they’re turning to social media they’re
turning to these things which offer
temporary relief we know the science is
clear we know that people who spend more
time on Facebook so far higher rates of
depression than people who spend less
time on Facebook write these things
balanced alcohol is not bad too much
alcohol is bad gambling is fun too much
gambling is dangerous right there’s
nothing wrong with social media and cell
phones it’s the imbalance but if you’re
at dinner with your friends and you’re
texting somebody who’s not there that’s
a problem that’s an addiction if you’re
sitting in a meeting with people you’re
supposed to be listening to and speaking
and you put your phone on the table face
up or face down I don’t care that sends
the subconscious message to the room and
you’re not just just not that important
to me right now right that’s what
happens and the fact that you cannot put
it away it’s because you are addicted
right if you wake up and you check your
phone before you say good morning to
your girlfriend boyfriend or spouse you
have an addiction and like all addiction
in time it’ll destroy relationships
it’ll cost time and it’ll cost money and
it’ll make your life worse right so you
have a generation growing up with lower
self-esteem that doesn’t have the coping
mechanisms to do with stress stress
right now you add in the sense of
impatience right they’ve grown up in a
world of instant gratification you want
to buy something you go on Amazon it
arrives the next day you want to watch a
movie log on and watch your movie you
don’t check movie times you want to
watch your TV show binge you don’t even
have to wait week to week to week right
I know people who skip seasons just so
they can binge at the end of the season
right Instagram if occasion you want to
go on a date you don’t even have to
learn how to be like you don’t even have
to learn and practice that skill you
don’t have to be the uncomfortable
Intuit’s is yes when you mean no one
says no when you mean no but yes when
you you have to swipe right bang I’m a
stud right you don’t have to learn the
social coping mechanisms right
everything you want you can have
instantaneously everything you want
instant gratification except job
satisfaction and strength of
relationships
there ain’t no app for that they are
slow meandering uncomfortable messy
processes and so I keep meeting these
wonderful fantastic idealistic
hard-working smart kids they’ve just
graduated school they’re in their
entry-level job I sit down with them
when I go how’s it going they go I think
I’m going to quit I’m like why they’re
like I’m not making an impact I’m like
you’ve been here eight months
it’s as if they’re standing at the foot
of a mountain and they have this
abstract concept called impact that they
want to have in the world which is the
summit what they don’t see is the
mountain I don’t care if you go up the
mountain quickly or slowly but there’s
still a mountain and so what this young
generation needs to learn is patience
that some things that really really
matter like love or job fulfillment joy
love of life self-confidence a skill set
any of these things all of these things
take time sometimes you can expedite
pieces of it but the overall journey is
arduous and long and difficult and if
you don’t ask for help and learn that
skill set you will fall off the mountain
or you will the worst case scenario the
worst case scenario and we’re already
seeing it the worst case scenario is
we’re seeing increase in suicide rates
we’re seeing an increase in this
generation we’re seeing increase in
accidental deaths due to drug overdoses
we’re seeing more and more kids drop out
of school or take leaves of absence due
to depression unheard of these are this
is this is really bad
the best case scenario the bet those are
all bad cases right the best case
scenario is you’ll have an entire
population growing up and going through
life and just never really finding joy
they’ll never really find deep deep
fulfillment in work or in life they’ll
just just walk through life and it’ll GE
just it’s fine how’s your job it’s fine
the same as yesterday how’s your
relationship it’s fine like that’s
that’s the best-case scenario which
leads me to the fourth point which is
environment which is we’re taking this
amazing group of young fantastic kids
would just dealt a bad hand it’s no
fault of their own and we put them in
corporate environments that care more
about the numbers and they do about the
kids they care more about the short-term
gains than the long-term life of this
young human being we care more about the
year than the lifetime right and so we
are putting them in corporate
environments that aren’t helping them
build their confidence that aren’t
helping them learn the skills of
cooperation that aren’t helping them
overcome the challenges of a digital
world and finding more
balance that isn’t helping them overcome
the need to have instant gratification
and teach them the joys and impact in
the fulfillment you get from working
hard over on something for a long time
that cannot be done in a month or even
in a year and so with thrusting to them
them in corporate environments and the
worst part about it is they think it’s
them they blame themselves they can’t
they think it’s them who can’t deal and
so it makes it all worse it’s not I’m
here to tell them it’s not them it’s the
corporation’s it’s the corporate
environments it’s the total lack of good
leadership in our world today that is
making them feel the way they do they
were dealt a bad hand it is and I hate
to say it but it’s the company’s
responsibility sucks to be you like we
have no choice right this is what we got
and I wish that society and their
parents did a better job they didn’t so
we’re gonna we’re getting them in our
companies and we now have to pick up the
slack we have to work extra hard to
figure out the ways that we build their
confidence we have to work extra hard to
find ways to teach them social the
social skills that they’re missing out
on
there should be no cell phones in
conference rooms none zero and I don’t
mean the kind of like sitting outside
waiting to text I mean like when you’re
sitting and waiting for a meeting to
start nobody go this is what we all do
we all sit here and wait for the meeting
to start meaning starting okay we start
the meeting no that’s not how
relationships are formed remember we
talked about it’s the little things
relationships are formed this way we’re
waiting for a meeting to start we go
how’s your dad I heard he was in
hospital oh he’s really good thanks for
asking
he’s actually iHome though oh I’m really
glad it was really amazing I know it was
really scary for well that’s how you
form relationships hey did you ever get
that report on oh my god no I didn’t
I’ll help you out I totally are can I
help you out with that
really that’s how trust forms trust
doesn’t form at an event in a day even
bad times don’t form trust immediately
it’s the slow steady consistency and we
have to create mechanisms where we allow
for those little innocuous interactions
to happen but when we allow cell phones
and conference rooms we just okay I have
the meeting and then my favorite is like
when there’s a cell phone there and you
go like that you go
it rings and go I’m not going to answer
that mr. magnanimous you know
when you’re out for dinner with your
friends like I do this with my friends
when we’re going out for dinner and
we’re leaving together we’ll leave our
cell phones at home who we calling maybe
one of us will bring a phone in case we
need to call an uber or take a picture
of our meal there’s the Fang come on I’m
not I’m an idealist but I’m not insane I
keep them I mean it looked really good
we’ll take one phone and so it’s like an
alcoholic the reason you take the
alcohol out of the house this week is
because we cannot trust our willpower
we’re just not strong enough but when
you remove the temptation it actually
makes it a lot easier and so when you
just say don’t check your phone people
literally will go like this and somebody
will go to the bathroom and what’s the
first thing we do because I wouldn’t
want to look around the restaurant for a
minute and a half you know but if you
don’t have the phone you just kind of
enjoy the world and that’s where ideas
happen the constant constant constant
gage Minh is not where you have
innovation and ideas ideas happen when
our minds wander and we go and you see
something uh I bet they could do that
that’s called innovation right but we’re
taking away all those little moments
right you should not end none of us none
of us should charge our phones by our
beds we should be charging our phones in
the living rooms right remove the
temptation you wake up in the middle of
night because you can’t sleep you won’t
check your phone which makes it worse
but if it’s in the living room it’s
relaxed it’s fine hiya but it’s my alarm
clock by an alarm clock
they cost eight dollars I’ll buy you in
a while
right but the point is the point is as
we now in industry whether we like it or
not we don’t get a choice we now have a
responsibility to make up the shortfall
and to help this amazing idealistic
fantastic generation build their
confidence learn patience learn the
social skills find a better balance
between life and technology because
quite frankly it’s it’s the right thing
to do