we know that we’ve got some slightly
unworkable attitudes to marriage
the divorce rate says it all and that
the problem lies around many of our
excessive expectations to try to counter
these there could be no better place to
start than with our marriage founds
moments when we first declared before an
audience the ideals that we would like
to live by over a lifetime in the
interest of a saner more realistic and
more practical attitude to marriage here
are some suggestions for new kinds of
marriage vows we should good-naturedly
admit that the person we’re marrying is
very far from perfect and articulate all
the ways in which they will prove
irritating difficult sometimes
irrational and often unable to
sympathize or understand us however it’s
vital that we should interpret these
flaws as unavoidable no one else would
be better and we are as bad we are
simply a very flawed species we must
conclusively kill the idea that things
would be ideals with any other creature
on the planet the only route to a
tolerable marriage is to accept that
there can only ever be a good enough
lust starts with the experience of being
understood in a deeply supportive and
uncommon way they understand the lonely
parts of you the youth don’t have to
explain why you find a particular joke
so funny
you hate the same people they too want
to try out a particular sexual scenario
this won’t continue we shouldn’t blame
our lovers for a dereliction of duty in
failing to interpret and grasp our
internal workings they simply couldn’t
understand who we were and what we
needed which is wholly normal no one
properly understand and can therefore
maturity is founded on an active sense
once fully once out of control for long
periods one fails a master once past
once permanently anxious one is to put
it mildly an idiot if we are not
regularly and very deeply embarrassed
about who we are it can only be because
we have a dangerous capacity for
we start out knowing only about being
loved the way we were as a child we want
a recreation and adulthood of what it
felt like to be minister to and indulged
in a secret part of our mind we picture
someone who will understand our needs
bring us what we want be immensely
patient and sympathetic to us and make
it all better
this is naturally a disaster for a
marriage to work we need to move firmly
out of the child and into the parental
position you need to become someone who
will be willing to subordinate their own
demands and concerns to the needs of
another the romantic person
instinctively sees marriage in terms of
emotions but what a couple actually get
up to over a lifetime has much more in
common with the workings of a small
business they must draw up work rosters
clean shows cook fix reconcile and
budget none of these activities have any
glamour whatsoever within the current
arrangement of society and yet these
tasks are what is truly romantic in a
sense of conducive and sustaining of
love and should be interpreted as the
bedrock of a successful marriage the
romantic view expects that love and sex
will be aligned but in truth they won’t
stay so beyond a few months or at best
one or two years this isn’t anyone’s
fault because marriage has other key
concerns like companionship between
istration another generation sex will
suffer we’re ready to get married when
we accept large degree of sexual
the romantic view of marriage stresses
that the right person means someone who
shares our tastes interests and
attitudes to life but over an extended
period of time differences inevitably
emerge
it’s the capacity to tolerate difference
that is the true marker of the right
person compatibility is an achievement
of love it shouldn’t be its precondition
but these vowels are of course pretty
dark this doesn’t mean that they are
against marriage far from it they simply
believe that the best way to make a
marriage work is to be properly alive to
the enormous challenges that a union
presents and to be ready with some
realistic philosophies that are
ultimately far more romantic than the
more traditional familiar and fateful optimism
unworkable attitudes to marriage
the divorce rate says it all and that
the problem lies around many of our
excessive expectations to try to counter
these there could be no better place to
start than with our marriage founds
moments when we first declared before an
audience the ideals that we would like
to live by over a lifetime in the
interest of a saner more realistic and
more practical attitude to marriage here
are some suggestions for new kinds of
marriage vows we should good-naturedly
admit that the person we’re marrying is
very far from perfect and articulate all
the ways in which they will prove
irritating difficult sometimes
irrational and often unable to
sympathize or understand us however it’s
vital that we should interpret these
flaws as unavoidable no one else would
be better and we are as bad we are
simply a very flawed species we must
conclusively kill the idea that things
would be ideals with any other creature
on the planet the only route to a
tolerable marriage is to accept that
there can only ever be a good enough
lust starts with the experience of being
understood in a deeply supportive and
uncommon way they understand the lonely
parts of you the youth don’t have to
explain why you find a particular joke
so funny
you hate the same people they too want
to try out a particular sexual scenario
this won’t continue we shouldn’t blame
our lovers for a dereliction of duty in
failing to interpret and grasp our
internal workings they simply couldn’t
understand who we were and what we
needed which is wholly normal no one
properly understand and can therefore
maturity is founded on an active sense
once fully once out of control for long
periods one fails a master once past
once permanently anxious one is to put
it mildly an idiot if we are not
regularly and very deeply embarrassed
about who we are it can only be because
we have a dangerous capacity for
we start out knowing only about being
loved the way we were as a child we want
a recreation and adulthood of what it
felt like to be minister to and indulged
in a secret part of our mind we picture
someone who will understand our needs
bring us what we want be immensely
patient and sympathetic to us and make
it all better
this is naturally a disaster for a
marriage to work we need to move firmly
out of the child and into the parental
position you need to become someone who
will be willing to subordinate their own
demands and concerns to the needs of
another the romantic person
instinctively sees marriage in terms of
emotions but what a couple actually get
up to over a lifetime has much more in
common with the workings of a small
business they must draw up work rosters
clean shows cook fix reconcile and
budget none of these activities have any
glamour whatsoever within the current
arrangement of society and yet these
tasks are what is truly romantic in a
sense of conducive and sustaining of
love and should be interpreted as the
bedrock of a successful marriage the
romantic view expects that love and sex
will be aligned but in truth they won’t
stay so beyond a few months or at best
one or two years this isn’t anyone’s
fault because marriage has other key
concerns like companionship between
istration another generation sex will
suffer we’re ready to get married when
we accept large degree of sexual
the romantic view of marriage stresses
that the right person means someone who
shares our tastes interests and
attitudes to life but over an extended
period of time differences inevitably
emerge
it’s the capacity to tolerate difference
that is the true marker of the right
person compatibility is an achievement
of love it shouldn’t be its precondition
but these vowels are of course pretty
dark this doesn’t mean that they are
against marriage far from it they simply
believe that the best way to make a
marriage work is to be properly alive to
the enormous challenges that a union
presents and to be ready with some
realistic philosophies that are
ultimately far more romantic than the
more traditional familiar and fateful optimism
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