many of us are wandering the world
bearing a lot of emotional damage we may
be depressed anxious or very difficult
around sex in relationships we might ask
ourselves where the difficulties came
from it’s a continually weird
provocative and yet in our view
extremely accurate answer that the
damage comes almost always from
childhood especially early childhood how
we were cared for as infants and young
children has a disproportionate effect
on how we will relate to others in
adulthood what we need above all else is
a responsive parent an adult who looks
after our needs with sensitivity and
kindness this is quite literally life
defining and life saving it sounds like
nothing much and nothing too hard but
without this kind of responsive love we
are wounded for life many of us have
been researchers have become ever better
at showing the effects of neglect on
children one of the world’s leading
experts is dr. Edie chronic director of
the Child Development unit at Harvard
University together with his team he’s
responsible for one of the great
experiments in the history of psychology
known as the still face experiment
babies this young are extremely
responsive to the emotions and the
reactivity and the social interaction
that they get from the world around them
this is something that we started
studying 34 years ago when people didn’t
think that infants could engage in
social interaction and this still phase
experiment what the mother did was she
sits down and she’s playing with her
baby who’s about a year of age and she
gives a greeting to the baby the baby
gives a greeting back to her this baby
starts pointing at different places in
the world and the mothers trying to
engage her and play with her they’re
working to coordinate their emotions and
their intentions what they want
do in the world and that’s really what
the baby is used to and then we ask the
mother to not respond to the baby the
baby very quickly picks up on this and
then she uses all of her abilities to
try and get the mother better she smiles
at the mother she points because she’s
used to the mother looking where she
points the baby puts both hands up in
front of her and says what’s happening
here oh she makes that screeching sound
like come on why aren’t we doing this
even in this two minutes when they don’t
get the normal reaction they react with
negative emotions they turn away they
feel the stress of it they actually may
lose control of their posture for us of
[Music]
watching the baby get distressed can be
highly triggering if a child can get so
upset over a few seconds of cold and
unfeeling behavior we have a sense of
what can happen over years or more of
neglect no wonder some of us don’t feel
so well inside we had an equivalent of a
still faced parent for our first decade
and more but knowing how vulnerable we
are
shouldn’t merely sadness we can take
stock of how we’ve been failed and
understand the link between the past and
our present difficulties psychological
research like the still faced experiment
is at the forefront of helping us to
understand ourselves emotionally
shedding scientific light on the origins
of our sadness and complexity along the
way the experiment proves something else
beyond doubt love isn’t a luxury it’s a
gateway to our very survival and
sanity most books that want to change us
seek to make us richer or thinner this
book wants to help us be nicer less
irritable more attentive warmer people click the link to learn more
bearing a lot of emotional damage we may
be depressed anxious or very difficult
around sex in relationships we might ask
ourselves where the difficulties came
from it’s a continually weird
provocative and yet in our view
extremely accurate answer that the
damage comes almost always from
childhood especially early childhood how
we were cared for as infants and young
children has a disproportionate effect
on how we will relate to others in
adulthood what we need above all else is
a responsive parent an adult who looks
after our needs with sensitivity and
kindness this is quite literally life
defining and life saving it sounds like
nothing much and nothing too hard but
without this kind of responsive love we
are wounded for life many of us have
been researchers have become ever better
at showing the effects of neglect on
children one of the world’s leading
experts is dr. Edie chronic director of
the Child Development unit at Harvard
University together with his team he’s
responsible for one of the great
experiments in the history of psychology
known as the still face experiment
babies this young are extremely
responsive to the emotions and the
reactivity and the social interaction
that they get from the world around them
this is something that we started
studying 34 years ago when people didn’t
think that infants could engage in
social interaction and this still phase
experiment what the mother did was she
sits down and she’s playing with her
baby who’s about a year of age and she
gives a greeting to the baby the baby
gives a greeting back to her this baby
starts pointing at different places in
the world and the mothers trying to
engage her and play with her they’re
working to coordinate their emotions and
their intentions what they want
do in the world and that’s really what
the baby is used to and then we ask the
mother to not respond to the baby the
baby very quickly picks up on this and
then she uses all of her abilities to
try and get the mother better she smiles
at the mother she points because she’s
used to the mother looking where she
points the baby puts both hands up in
front of her and says what’s happening
here oh she makes that screeching sound
like come on why aren’t we doing this
even in this two minutes when they don’t
get the normal reaction they react with
negative emotions they turn away they
feel the stress of it they actually may
lose control of their posture for us of
[Music]
watching the baby get distressed can be
highly triggering if a child can get so
upset over a few seconds of cold and
unfeeling behavior we have a sense of
what can happen over years or more of
neglect no wonder some of us don’t feel
so well inside we had an equivalent of a
still faced parent for our first decade
and more but knowing how vulnerable we
are
shouldn’t merely sadness we can take
stock of how we’ve been failed and
understand the link between the past and
our present difficulties psychological
research like the still faced experiment
is at the forefront of helping us to
understand ourselves emotionally
shedding scientific light on the origins
of our sadness and complexity along the
way the experiment proves something else
beyond doubt love isn’t a luxury it’s a
gateway to our very survival and
sanity most books that want to change us
seek to make us richer or thinner this
book wants to help us be nicer less
irritable more attentive warmer people click the link to learn more
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