It is not often discussed. We like to put a happy face on …
but behind closed doors many of us are dealing with one of the most tragicomic behaviors in relationships.
Mugs.
This mugs often starts after a disappointment. Usually following
an, objectively, rather small matter. Lars did not ask Mille how her day was ….
Christine did not notice Lauret’s new haircut …
Woori gave Chung Ho not enough attention at the party ….
but what follows is no quarrel.
It is a terrifying silence. A domestic cold war where questions like
“what is wrong?” be answered with one resolute, hard word
What is it? It consists of two things;
disappointment and refusal to explain what the disappointment is about.
Why do we tell our loved ones what upset us?
We explain so many things to so many people in the course of our lives.
We do not explain it because of a special assumption
about the nature of love.
Even people who are very good with words, may not be, if they are with their lover,
in the mood to explain too much. Where does this tendency to say nothing come from?
It starts when we first learn about love.
When we were little we could, and we did not,
announce our intentions to those who loved us the most.
They just knew what we wanted to eat.
They made us feel comfortable. They took the trouble to guess what we wanted.
This gave us a pattern,
but a useless pattern, about some adult love
could be. In the beginning of a new relationship
there are blissful moments when two people understand each other without it
to have to say a lot.
They just agree, they feel a commitment
as they never felt before, but this is ultimately very misleading.
In reality, we are all
as adults, enormously complex. To expect that someone understands us in the long term,
without having to explain us, is equal to the expectation that someone
can figure out how nuclear fission works only by looking at the outside of a nuclear power plant.
That other people do not understand things without explanation,
is not a sign that they are bad, but that they are also people.
Before you retire and start mugs, we must always honor our partners
from a small seminar. Love also consists in accepting that we are others
to be patient and friendly about who we are.
But at the same time, if we unconsciously provoke mugs in others,
we must realize that that is in silence
it does not mean that the other person is mean, but because he / she is deeply afraid.
They can be big, strong and competent in many other ways.
but inside they feel like a defenseless baby in the hands of someone
he does not seem to know how to care for him / her.
The greatest gift we can give our loved ones
his statements, as calm as we can make them
by explaining clearly and extensively how we really are
in all our craziness, complexity and rarities.
but behind closed doors many of us are dealing with one of the most tragicomic behaviors in relationships.
Mugs.
This mugs often starts after a disappointment. Usually following
an, objectively, rather small matter. Lars did not ask Mille how her day was ….
Christine did not notice Lauret’s new haircut …
Woori gave Chung Ho not enough attention at the party ….
but what follows is no quarrel.
It is a terrifying silence. A domestic cold war where questions like
“what is wrong?” be answered with one resolute, hard word
What is it? It consists of two things;
disappointment and refusal to explain what the disappointment is about.
Why do we tell our loved ones what upset us?
We explain so many things to so many people in the course of our lives.
We do not explain it because of a special assumption
about the nature of love.
Even people who are very good with words, may not be, if they are with their lover,
in the mood to explain too much. Where does this tendency to say nothing come from?
It starts when we first learn about love.
When we were little we could, and we did not,
announce our intentions to those who loved us the most.
They just knew what we wanted to eat.
They made us feel comfortable. They took the trouble to guess what we wanted.
This gave us a pattern,
but a useless pattern, about some adult love
could be. In the beginning of a new relationship
there are blissful moments when two people understand each other without it
to have to say a lot.
They just agree, they feel a commitment
as they never felt before, but this is ultimately very misleading.
In reality, we are all
as adults, enormously complex. To expect that someone understands us in the long term,
without having to explain us, is equal to the expectation that someone
can figure out how nuclear fission works only by looking at the outside of a nuclear power plant.
That other people do not understand things without explanation,
is not a sign that they are bad, but that they are also people.
Before you retire and start mugs, we must always honor our partners
from a small seminar. Love also consists in accepting that we are others
to be patient and friendly about who we are.
But at the same time, if we unconsciously provoke mugs in others,
we must realize that that is in silence
it does not mean that the other person is mean, but because he / she is deeply afraid.
They can be big, strong and competent in many other ways.
but inside they feel like a defenseless baby in the hands of someone
he does not seem to know how to care for him / her.
The greatest gift we can give our loved ones
his statements, as calm as we can make them
by explaining clearly and extensively how we really are
in all our craziness, complexity and rarities.
Please follow and like us: