Oh
Oh such
it’s a tremendous pleasure being here
it’s a tremendous pleasure being here with you today in Conway mall I’d like
with you today in Conway mall I’d like
with you today in Conway mall I’d like to start with a question can a person be
to start with a question can a person be
to start with a question can a person be perfect well speaking from personal
perfect well speaking from personal
perfect well speaking from personal experience
experience
experience yes as a child I was perfect I was
yes as a child I was perfect I was
yes as a child I was perfect I was perfectly good at least outwardly
perfectly good at least outwardly
perfectly good at least outwardly inwardly I had a lot of mischievous
inwardly I had a lot of mischievous
inwardly I had a lot of mischievous thoughts I was perfectly smart I was
thoughts I was perfectly smart I was
thoughts I was perfectly smart I was always at the top of my class this I
always at the top of my class this I
always at the top of my class this I believed would ensure respect from
believed would ensure respect from
believed would ensure respect from others as well as self high self regard
others as well as self high self regard
others as well as self high self regard if I ever considered easing up something
if I ever considered easing up something
if I ever considered easing up something would come along to underscore the
would come along to underscore the
would come along to underscore the importance of being perfect for example
importance of being perfect for example
importance of being perfect for example my sixth grade teacher mrs. Wilson
my sixth grade teacher mrs. Wilson
my sixth grade teacher mrs. Wilson seated us around the room in i.q order
it was already the top I kid class in
it was already the top I kid class in the school but she didn’t care for her
the school but she didn’t care for her
the school but she didn’t care for her every point of IQ was incredibly
every point of IQ was incredibly
every point of IQ was incredibly important the lower IQ children were not
important the lower IQ children were not
important the lower IQ children were not allowed to wash the blackboard or clap
allowed to wash the blackboard or clap
allowed to wash the blackboard or clap the erasers in the schoolyard or carry
the erasers in the schoolyard or carry
the erasers in the schoolyard or carry the flag and the assembly take a note to
the flag and the assembly take a note to
the flag and the assembly take a note to the school principal for her your score
the school principal for her your score
the school principal for her your score summarized everything about your
summarized everything about your
summarized everything about your intelligence and character how could you
intelligence and character how could you
intelligence and character how could you not be affected by that
not be affected by that
not be affected by that I was so perfect that I had to start
I was so perfect that I had to start
I was so perfect that I had to start shrinking my world to maintain it in
shrinking my world to maintain it in
shrinking my world to maintain it in grade school I was the best speller in
grade school I was the best speller in
grade school I was the best speller in the school and they wanted to send me to
the school and they wanted to send me to
the school and they wanted to send me to the Regional Championship spelling me I
the Regional Championship spelling me I
the Regional Championship spelling me I said no the next year I was the best
said no the next year I was the best
said no the next year I was the best student of French in the school and they
student of French in the school and they
student of French in the school and they wanted to send me to a citywide
wanted to send me to a citywide
wanted to send me to a citywide competition
competition
competition I said no why would I put myself at risk
I said no why would I put myself at risk
I said no why would I put myself at risk I was already perfect and I had to
I was already perfect and I had to
I was already perfect and I had to curate that perfection now perhaps if
curate that perfection now perhaps if
curate that perfection now perhaps if life were one large schoolroom it would
life were one large schoolroom it would
life were one large schoolroom it would be okay to stay perfect trying to stay
be okay to stay perfect trying to stay
be okay to stay perfect trying to stay perfect but life isn’t like that it
perfect but life isn’t like that it
perfect but life isn’t like that it changes radically and it begins to
changes radically and it begins to
changes radically and it begins to reward taking on challenges seizing
reward taking on challenges seizing
reward taking on challenges seizing opportunities and sticking with them my
opportunities and sticking with them my
opportunities and sticking with them my charge today is seek to speak about a
charge today is seek to speak about a
charge today is seek to speak about a vice or a virtue it’s perfect
vice or a virtue it’s perfect
vice or a virtue it’s perfect action ISM a vice or a virtue Pam’s got
action ISM a vice or a virtue Pam’s got
action ISM a vice or a virtue Pam’s got a friend and colleague surveyed adults
a friend and colleague surveyed adults
a friend and colleague surveyed adults asking them to answer the following
asking them to answer the following
asking them to answer the following question am i a perfectionist how would
question am i a perfectionist how would
question am i a perfectionist how would you answer that on the survey many many
you answer that on the survey many many
you answer that on the survey many many people said yes but there were two very
people said yes but there were two very
people said yes but there were two very different kinds of yes so listen to this
different kinds of yes so listen to this
different kinds of yes so listen to this am i a perfectionist one person said I
am i a perfectionist one person said I
am i a perfectionist one person said I want to get it perfect the first time
want to get it perfect the first time
want to get it perfect the first time every time my inner critic is constant
every time my inner critic is constant
every time my inner critic is constant it is my judge my warden or in the same
it is my judge my warden or in the same
it is my judge my warden or in the same vein another person said having built a
vein another person said having built a
vein another person said having built a magnificent dam of perfection that is I
magnificent dam of perfection that is I
magnificent dam of perfection that is I am perpetually plugging all the holes
am perpetually plugging all the holes
am perpetually plugging all the holes it’s tiring depleting it’s about fear of
it’s tiring depleting it’s about fear of
it’s tiring depleting it’s about fear of chaos and anxiety that what is is not
chaos and anxiety that what is is not
chaos and anxiety that what is is not good enough and that I am not good
good enough and that I am not good
good enough and that I am not good enough but now listen to this
enough but now listen to this
enough but now listen to this this is a little bit different am i a
this is a little bit different am i a
this is a little bit different am i a perfectionist this person says I do
perfectionist this person says I do
perfectionist this person says I do believe it serves a purpose it got me
believe it serves a purpose it got me
believe it serves a purpose it got me where I am today I am known for high
where I am today I am known for high
where I am today I am known for high standards and excellent work why would I
standards and excellent work why would I
standards and excellent work why would I ever give up this excellent tool hmm
ever give up this excellent tool hmm
ever give up this excellent tool hmm so sometimes it sounds like a vise and
so sometimes it sounds like a vise and
so sometimes it sounds like a vise and sometimes it sounds like a virtue what
sometimes it sounds like a virtue what
sometimes it sounds like a virtue what does the research say the research says
does the research say the research says
does the research say the research says there might be two different kinds of
there might be two different kinds of
there might be two different kinds of perfectionism one kind of perfectionist
perfectionism one kind of perfectionist
perfectionism one kind of perfectionist agrees with statements like this people
agrees with statements like this people
agrees with statements like this people will probably think less of me if I make
will probably think less of me if I make
will probably think less of me if I make a mistake if I do not do well all the
a mistake if I do not do well all the
a mistake if I do not do well all the time
time
time people won’t respect me if I fail partly
people won’t respect me if I fail partly
people won’t respect me if I fail partly it it is as bad as being a complete
it it is as bad as being a complete
it it is as bad as being a complete failure but the other kind of
failure but the other kind of
failure but the other kind of perfectionist
perfectionist
perfectionist they say agrees with statements like
they say agrees with statements like
they say agrees with statements like this I try to do my best and everything
this I try to do my best and everything
this I try to do my best and everything I do I Drive myself rigorously to
I do I Drive myself rigorously to
I do I Drive myself rigorously to achieve high standards I have a strong
achieve high standards I have a strong
achieve high standards I have a strong need to strive for excellent
need to strive for excellent
need to strive for excellent so this kind involves setting and
so this kind involves setting and
so this kind involves setting and striving toward very high standards and
striving toward very high standards and
striving toward very high standards and leader will ask if perfectionism is the
leader will ask if perfectionism is the
leader will ask if perfectionism is the best word for that the first that
best word for that the first that
best word for that the first that self-critical kind has many negative
self-critical kind has many negative
self-critical kind has many negative consequences anxiety depression
consequences anxiety depression
consequences anxiety depression compromised relationships but the second
compromised relationships but the second
compromised relationships but the second kind striving for excellence can have
kind striving for excellence can have
kind striving for excellence can have many positive consequences not only
many positive consequences not only
many positive consequences not only higher achievement but greater life
higher achievement but greater life
higher achievement but greater life satisfaction how do we understand where
satisfaction how do we understand where
satisfaction how do we understand where that defensive self-critical part comes
that defensive self-critical part comes
that defensive self-critical part comes from that idea that I I want to get
from that idea that I I want to get
from that idea that I I want to get perfect the first time and every time as
perfect the first time and every time as
perfect the first time and every time as opposed to the more inspiring striving
opposed to the more inspiring striving
opposed to the more inspiring striving for high standards to understand this
for high standards to understand this
for high standards to understand this let’s look at my work on mindsets and
let’s look at my work on mindsets and
let’s look at my work on mindsets and let’s listen for the fixed
let’s listen for the fixed
let’s listen for the fixed that’s mandate for perfection in this
that’s mandate for perfection in this
that’s mandate for perfection in this research I identify two kinds of
research I identify two kinds of
research I identify two kinds of mindsets people can have about their
mindsets people can have about their
mindsets people can have about their basic talents and abilities in a fixed
basic talents and abilities in a fixed
basic talents and abilities in a fixed mindset people believe that their basic
mindset people believe that their basic
mindset people believe that their basic attributes are well fixed the talents
attributes are well fixed the talents
attributes are well fixed the talents abilities and personal qualities they
abilities and personal qualities they
abilities and personal qualities they have now that’s all they’re ever going
have now that’s all they’re ever going
have now that’s all they’re ever going to have and so they keep asking is what
to have and so they keep asking is what
to have and so they keep asking is what I have enough and is it enough to make
I have enough and is it enough to make
I have enough and is it enough to make me admirable is it enough to make me
me admirable is it enough to make me
me admirable is it enough to make me worthy this is what they’re always
worthy this is what they’re always
worthy this is what they’re always wondering but other people have a growth
wondering but other people have a growth
wondering but other people have a growth mindset they believe that their basic
mindset they believe that their basic
mindset they believe that their basic talents abilities personal attributes
talents abilities personal attributes
talents abilities personal attributes can be developed through effort learning
can be developed through effort learning
can be developed through effort learning mentoring from others what they have now
mentoring from others what they have now
mentoring from others what they have now is just a starting point now they don’t
is just a starting point now they don’t
is just a starting point now they don’t necessarily believe that everyone’s the
necessarily believe that everyone’s the
necessarily believe that everyone’s the same or that anyone can be Einstein but
same or that anyone can be Einstein but
same or that anyone can be Einstein but they believe that everyone can grow and
they believe that everyone can grow and
they believe that everyone can grow and develop let’s look into these mindsets
develop let’s look into these mindsets
develop let’s look into these mindsets to see exactly how they work first what
to see exactly how they work first what
to see exactly how they work first what is the number one goal for people in the
is the number one goal for people in the
is the number one goal for people in the different mindsets when we ask people
different mindsets when we ask people
different mindsets when we ask people this question in school at work in their
this question in school at work in their
this question in school at work in their relationships those with the fixed
relationships those with the fixed
relationships those with the fixed mindset say that their number one goal
mindset say that their number one goal
mindset say that their number one goal is to look and feel extremely
is to look and feel extremely
is to look and feel extremely accomplished at all times but above all
accomplished at all times but above all
accomplished at all times but above all never to feel dumb or inadequate
never to feel dumb or inadequate
never to feel dumb or inadequate students say this I like school work
students say this I like school work
students say this I like school work pets do
pets do
pets do fix my zit say this I like school work
fix my zit say this I like school work
fix my zit say this I like school work best when I could do it perfectly
best when I could do it perfectly
best when I could do it perfectly without any mistakes but students in a
without any mistakes but students in a
without any mistakes but students in a growth mindset so their number one goal
growth mindset so their number one goal
growth mindset so their number one goal is learning the reason they do their
is learning the reason they do their
is learning the reason they do their schoolwork is to learn new things they
schoolwork is to learn new things they
schoolwork is to learn new things they say I like school work best when it
say I like school work best when it
say I like school work best when it makes me think hard and it’s much more
makes me think hard and it’s much more
makes me think hard and it’s much more important for me to learn new things in
important for me to learn new things in
important for me to learn new things in my classes than it is to get the best
my classes than it is to get the best
my classes than it is to get the best grades guess what they get the best
grades guess what they get the best
grades guess what they get the best grades because that outcome that badge
grades because that outcome that badge
grades because that outcome that badge of honor that the fixed mindset students
of honor that the fixed mindset students
of honor that the fixed mindset students want so desperately is achieved by the
want so desperately is achieved by the
want so desperately is achieved by the growth mindset students because they
growth mindset students because they
growth mindset students because they engage deeply and effectively in the
engage deeply and effectively in the
engage deeply and effectively in the learning process grades outcomes are a
learning process grades outcomes are a
learning process grades outcomes are a byproduct of engaging deeply and
byproduct of engaging deeply and
byproduct of engaging deeply and effectively in a learning process we’ve
effectively in a learning process we’ve
effectively in a learning process we’ve been doing a large study of fortune 500
been doing a large study of fortune 500
been doing a large study of fortune 500 companies and we hear the same exact
companies and we hear the same exact
companies and we hear the same exact thing from the fortune 500 people the
thing from the fortune 500 people the
thing from the fortune 500 people the more employees held a fixed mindset they
more employees held a fixed mindset they
more employees held a fixed mindset they wanted to look the more they wanted to
wanted to look the more they wanted to
wanted to look the more they wanted to look smart but not just smart smarter
look smart but not just smart smarter
look smart but not just smart smarter than everyone else they said it’s very
than everyone else they said it’s very
than everyone else they said it’s very important to me to show that I am more
important to me to show that I am more
important to me to show that I am more talented than others at work when
talented than others at work when
talented than others at work when working in teams it is important to me
working in teams it is important to me
working in teams it is important to me that I am the star of the team good bye
that I am the star of the team good bye
that I am the star of the team good bye teamwork
it’s what we call the culture of genius
it’s what we call the culture of genius and it’s about looking and feeling smart
and it’s about looking and feeling smart
and it’s about looking and feeling smart at all times and at all costs but those
at all times and at all costs but those
at all times and at all costs but those were the growth mindset in the fortune
were the growth mindset in the fortune
were the growth mindset in the fortune 500 company said it’s much more
500 company said it’s much more
500 company said it’s much more important for me to learn things at work
important for me to learn things at work
important for me to learn things at work that it is to get the highest accolades
that it is to get the highest accolades
that it is to get the highest accolades they wanted to learn innovate
they wanted to learn innovate
they wanted to learn innovate collaborate and those are going to be
collaborate and those are going to be
collaborate and those are going to be the store performers remember how when I
the store performers remember how when I
the store performers remember how when I was busy being perfect
was busy being perfect
was busy being perfect I was also protecting myself protecting
I was also protecting myself protecting
I was also protecting myself protecting myself from the spelling bee and the
myself from the spelling bee and the
myself from the spelling bee and the French contest
French contest
French contest I wanted to remain part of the culture
I wanted to remain part of the culture
I wanted to remain part of the culture of genius and we looked at people in
of genius and we looked at people in
of genius and we looked at people in relationships
relationships
relationships those were the fixed mindset tell us I
those were the fixed mindset tell us I
those were the fixed mindset tell us I want to be worshipped they want to
want to be worshipped they want to
want to be worshipped they want to always be right
always be right
always be right those were the growth mindset one their
those were the growth mindset one their
those were the growth mindset one their partner to challenge them to grow when I
partner to challenge them to grow when I
partner to challenge them to grow when I had a fixed mindset my worst fault was
had a fixed mindset my worst fault was
had a fixed mindset my worst fault was always wanting to be right even I was
always wanting to be right even I was
always wanting to be right even I was put off by the Glee the relish with
put off by the Glee the relish with
put off by the Glee the relish with which I said I told you so
which I said I told you so
which I said I told you so on the rare occasion I was wrong I look
on the rare occasion I was wrong I look
on the rare occasion I was wrong I look for someone I look for someone or
for someone I look for someone or
for someone I look for someone or something to blame anyone but me my
something to blame anyone but me my
something to blame anyone but me my husband and I finally had to invent a
husband and I finally had to invent a
husband and I finally had to invent a third party we named him Maurice and he
third party we named him Maurice and he
third party we named him Maurice and he was the person we blamed for everything
so that we could get around that blame
so that we could get around that blame game and start getting to the important
game and start getting to the important
game and start getting to the important things let’s talk about role models
things let’s talk about role models
things let’s talk about role models they’re supposed to be inspiring right
they’re supposed to be inspiring right
they’re supposed to be inspiring right you see someone who succeeded in your
you see someone who succeeded in your
you see someone who succeeded in your field who’s like you and it should give
field who’s like you and it should give
field who’s like you and it should give you confidence it should excite you if
you confidence it should excite you if
you confidence it should excite you if you’re a person with a fixed mindset
you’re a person with a fixed mindset
you’re a person with a fixed mindset that wouldn’t be right
that wouldn’t be right
that wouldn’t be right people Jenny Burnett and her colleagues
people Jenny Burnett and her colleagues
people Jenny Burnett and her colleagues showed in their research people with a
showed in their research people with a
showed in their research people with a fixed mindset are demoralized by
fixed mindset are demoralized by
fixed mindset are demoralized by successful role models they say oh
successful role models they say oh
successful role models they say oh that’s a different kind of person from
that’s a different kind of person from
that’s a different kind of person from me I could never be like that that
me I could never be like that that
me I could never be like that that comparison that gap where they don’t see
comparison that gap where they don’t see
comparison that gap where they don’t see the bridge is undermining to their
the bridge is undermining to their
the bridge is undermining to their confidence but people in a growth
confidence but people in a growth
confidence but people in a growth mindset are inspired by role models they
mindset are inspired by role models they
mindset are inspired by role models they think that person has found a path I can
think that person has found a path I can
think that person has found a path I can find a path to maybe I can even find
find a path to maybe I can even find
find a path to maybe I can even find someone like that person to mentor me
someone like that person to mentor me
someone like that person to mentor me and lead me along the way so this first
and lead me along the way so this first
and lead me along the way so this first part says that they’re in a fixed
part says that they’re in a fixed
part says that they’re in a fixed mindset there’s this constant issue of
mindset there’s this constant issue of
mindset there’s this constant issue of proving that one is without full that
proving that one is without full that
proving that one is without full that one is king or queen of the hill sounds
one is king or queen of the hill sounds
one is king or queen of the hill sounds an awful lot like perfectionism doesn’t
an awful lot like perfectionism doesn’t
an awful lot like perfectionism doesn’t it second there is a question of effort
it second there is a question of effort
it second there is a question of effort in a fixed mindset even effort may shout
in a fixed mindset even effort may shout
in a fixed mindset even effort may shout imperfection inadequacy people in a fix
imperfection inadequacy people in a fix
imperfection inadequacy people in a fix I said believe that if you have high
I said believe that if you have high
I said believe that if you have high ability you shouldn’t need effort and
ability you shouldn’t need effort and
ability you shouldn’t need effort and that if you have to exert effort why
that if you have to exert effort why
that if you have to exert effort why that means you don’t have high ability
that means you don’t have high ability
that means you don’t have high ability effort to them is only for the lesser
effort to them is only for the lesser
effort to them is only for the lesser the imperfect beings the fixed mindset
the imperfect beings the fixed mindset
the imperfect beings the fixed mindset students in our studies tell us to tell
students in our studies tell us to tell
students in our studies tell us to tell the truth when I work hard at my
the truth when I work hard at my
the truth when I work hard at my schoolwork it makes me feel like I’m not
schoolwork it makes me feel like I’m not
schoolwork it makes me feel like I’m not very good at it but the students with a
very good at it but the students with a
very good at it but the students with a growth mindset value effort and
growth mindset value effort and
growth mindset value effort and appreciate its power to ignite our
appreciate its power to ignite our
appreciate its power to ignite our abilities and help them grow they say
abilities and help them grow they say
abilities and help them grow they say the harder you work at something the
the harder you work at something the
the harder you work at something the better you’ll be at it same thing with
better you’ll be at it same thing with
better you’ll be at it same thing with the fortune 500 people the ones with the
the fortune 500 people the ones with the
the fortune 500 people the ones with the fixed mindset devalued effort if you’re
fixed mindset devalued effort if you’re
fixed mindset devalued effort if you’re really good at something they agreed you
really good at something they agreed you
really good at something they agreed you shouldn’t have to work hard at it I
think this is the worst belief that
think this is the worst belief that anyone could have everything important
anyone could have everything important
anyone could have everything important and this is a sermon part everything
and this is a sermon part everything
and this is a sermon part everything important in life requires huge amounts
important in life requires huge amounts
important in life requires huge amounts of effort over long periods of time and
of effort over long periods of time and
of effort over long periods of time and F if effort makes you feel inadequate
F if effort makes you feel inadequate
F if effort makes you feel inadequate incompetent you’re at a huge
incompetent you’re at a huge
incompetent you’re at a huge disadvantage fascinating studies now
disadvantage fascinating studies now
disadvantage fascinating studies now show the power of any little effort to
show the power of any little effort to
show the power of any little effort to undermine the confidence of people in a
undermine the confidence of people in a
undermine the confidence of people in a fixed mindset david nelly and his
fixed mindset david nelly and his
fixed mindset david nelly and his colleagues did a series of fascinating
colleagues did a series of fascinating
colleagues did a series of fascinating days where they gave people reading
days where they gave people reading
days where they gave people reading passages and for some of them they made
passages and for some of them they made
passages and for some of them they made it that feel more effortful for example
it that feel more effortful for example
it that feel more effortful for example they made the font more difficult to
they made the font more difficult to
they made the font more difficult to read or they made the sentences in the
read or they made the sentences in the
read or they made the sentences in the passage they made the syntax a little
passage they made the syntax a little
passage they made the syntax a little more complex every little thing that
more complex every little thing that
more complex every little thing that increased the effort you needed
increased the effort you needed
increased the effort you needed undermine the confidence of people with
undermine the confidence of people with
undermine the confidence of people with a fixed mindset they rated themselves as
a fixed mindset they rated themselves as
a fixed mindset they rated themselves as less competent and less good at
less competent and less good at
less competent and less good at comprehending the passage every time
comprehending the passage every time
comprehending the passage every time they had to apply more effort even when
they had to apply more effort even when
they had to apply more effort even when effort was induced in the silly and
effort was induced in the silly and
effort was induced in the silly and irrelevant ways since I wrote my book
irrelevant ways since I wrote my book
irrelevant ways since I wrote my book mindset I get letters from people who
mindset I get letters from people who
mindset I get letters from people who were once child prodigies many of them
were once child prodigies many of them
were once child prodigies many of them have not finished University or found
have not finished University or found
have not finished University or found meaningful work
meaningful work
meaningful work they expected effortless achievement and
they expected effortless achievement and
they expected effortless achievement and people promised it to them they said oh
people promised it to them they said oh
people promised it to them they said oh you’re so brilliant you’ll be this
you’re so brilliant you’ll be this
you’re so brilliant you’ll be this you’ll be that so they sat there and
you’ll be that so they sat there and
you’ll be that so they sat there and waited for that to happen but guess what
waited for that to happen but guess what
waited for that to happen but guess what it doesn’t work that way you actually
it doesn’t work that way you actually
it doesn’t work that way you actually have to do something
have to do something
have to do something also being talented became for them
also being talented became for them
also being talented became for them something that others had to do being
something that others had to do being
something that others had to do being talented became equated with not having
talented became equated with not having
talented became equated with not having to work hard like other people when the
to work hard like other people when the
to work hard like other people when the day finally arrived and it always does
day finally arrived and it always does
day finally arrived and it always does that they did have to work hard they
that they did have to work hard they
that they did have to work hard they weren’t able to do it it made them feel
weren’t able to do it it made them feel
weren’t able to do it it made them feel just the way they didn’t want to
just the way they didn’t want to
just the way they didn’t want to you now
you now
you now not long ago I spoke to the top athletes
not long ago I spoke to the top athletes
not long ago I spoke to the top athletes in a nearby country and they told me not
in a nearby country and they told me not
in a nearby country and they told me not one of them had been number one as a
one of them had been number one as a
one of them had been number one as a teenager the number ones were the
teenager the number ones were the
teenager the number ones were the Naturals they coasted on their natural
Naturals they coasted on their natural
Naturals they coasted on their natural effort natural ability and they were no
effort natural ability and they were no
effort natural ability and they were no longer there but the people I was
longer there but the people I was
longer there but the people I was speaking to the people who had been
speaking to the people who had been
speaking to the people who had been number 4 or 9 or 16 they knew they had
number 4 or 9 or 16 they knew they had
number 4 or 9 or 16 they knew they had to work hard to get where they wanted to
to work hard to get where they wanted to
to work hard to get where they wanted to go and they did it they were now the
go and they did it they were now the
go and they did it they were now the people going to the Olympics and the
people going to the Olympics and the
people going to the Olympics and the World Championships now this idea of
World Championships now this idea of
World Championships now this idea of effortless superiority or perfection is
effortless superiority or perfection is
effortless superiority or perfection is prevalent in our two cultures your
prevalent in our two cultures your
prevalent in our two cultures your former prime-minister
former prime-minister
former prime-minister H H Asquith once described Oxford men
H H Asquith once described Oxford men
H H Asquith once described Oxford men from his college as possessing quote the
from his college as possessing quote the
from his college as possessing quote the tranquil consciousness of an effortless
tranquil consciousness of an effortless
tranquil consciousness of an effortless superiority
and there is something rampant at my
and there is something rampant at my university Stanford University called
university Stanford University called
university Stanford University called duck syndrome
duck syndrome
duck syndrome what is duck syndrome well you know how
what is duck syndrome well you know how
what is duck syndrome well you know how Ducks appear to glide along the water FS
Ducks appear to glide along the water FS
Ducks appear to glide along the water FS effortlessly but they’re paddling madly
effortlessly but they’re paddling madly
effortlessly but they’re paddling madly underneath that’s Houston many Stanford
underneath that’s Houston many Stanford
underneath that’s Houston many Stanford students are and many students at elite
students are and many students at elite
students are and many students at elite institutions they look like they’re not
institutions they look like they’re not
institutions they look like they’re not working hard there they go to parties
working hard there they go to parties
working hard there they go to parties they have lots of other things but they
they have lots of other things but they
they have lots of other things but they are paddling madly they’re studying
are paddling madly they’re studying
are paddling madly they’re studying secretly so they will look smart one of
secretly so they will look smart one of
secretly so they will look smart one of my Crusades is to get rid of duck
my Crusades is to get rid of duck
my Crusades is to get rid of duck syndrome because it comes out of the
syndrome because it comes out of the
syndrome because it comes out of the fixed mindset belief that you’re only
fixed mindset belief that you’re only
fixed mindset belief that you’re only smart if you don’t have to apply effort
smart if you don’t have to apply effort
smart if you don’t have to apply effort every year I teach a Freshman Seminar to
every year I teach a Freshman Seminar to
every year I teach a Freshman Seminar to 16 Stanford freshmen and I have them do
16 Stanford freshmen and I have them do
16 Stanford freshmen and I have them do a paper on their hero and how their hero
a paper on their hero and how their hero
a paper on their hero and how their hero got to be where he or she got to
got to be where he or she got to
got to be where he or she got to originally many of them think oh these
originally many of them think oh these
originally many of them think oh these were just supremely talented beings
were just supremely talented beings
were just supremely talented beings geniuses or Naturals who floated
geniuses or Naturals who floated
geniuses or Naturals who floated effortlessly to these great heights not
effortlessly to these great heights not
effortlessly to these great heights not once has that been the case they see
once has that been the case they see
once has that been the case they see that these people they admire worked
that these people they admire worked
that these people they admire worked harder than anyone else
harder than anyone else
harder than anyone else often encountered seemingly and survived
often encountered seemingly and survived
often encountered seemingly and survived suitable setbacks and succeeded in
suitable setbacks and succeeded in
suitable setbacks and succeeded in surrounding them I think that’s much
surrounding them I think that’s much
surrounding them I think that’s much more admirable than being born with
more admirable than being born with
more admirable than being born with something that just propels you
something that just propels you
something that just propels you somewhere and I think we should make
somewhere and I think we should make
somewhere and I think we should make that the admirable thing throughout our
that the admirable thing throughout our
that the admirable thing throughout our culture so in a fixed mindset it’s not
culture so in a fixed mindset it’s not
culture so in a fixed mindset it’s not just perfection but effortless
just perfection but effortless
just perfection but effortless perfection good luck
third and finally in a fixed mindset
third and finally in a fixed mindset errors and setbacks are calamities hello
errors and setbacks are Clem it’s never
errors and setbacks are Clem it’s never too young actually to hear this
because as an aside and this is aimed at
because as an aside and this is aimed at you mom we published a study a few
you mom we published a study a few
you mom we published a study a few months ago showing that parents praise
months ago showing that parents praise
months ago showing that parents praise to their babies predict one to three
to their babies predict one to three
to their babies predict one to three years of age predict the child’s mindset
years of age predict the child’s mindset
years of age predict the child’s mindset and desire for challenge
and desire for challenge
and desire for challenge five years later mothers who gave their
five years later mothers who gave their
five years later mothers who gave their babies process praise about the process
babies process praise about the process
babies process praise about the process they’re engaging in good effort good
they’re engaging in good effort good
they’re engaging in good effort good trying good strategies had babies who
trying good strategies had babies who
trying good strategies had babies who had more of a growth mindset and more
had more of a growth mindset and more
had more of a growth mindset and more desire for challenge five years later so
desire for challenge five years later so
desire for challenge five years later so none of this you’re brilliant you’re
none of this you’re brilliant you’re
none of this you’re brilliant you’re great you’re genius now I feel qualified
great you’re genius now I feel qualified
great you’re genius now I feel qualified to intervene when I hear a mother in an
to intervene when I hear a mother in an
to intervene when I hear a mother in an airport telling her baby what a genius
airport telling her baby what a genius
airport telling her baby what a genius you are no no no
you are no no no
you are no no no oh so third and final in a fixed mindset
oh so third and final in a fixed mindset
oh so third and final in a fixed mindset errors are and setbacks are calamities
errors are and setbacks are calamities
errors are and setbacks are calamities they are the surest sign of incompetence
they are the surest sign of incompetence
they are the surest sign of incompetence or unworthiness and what we find is that
or unworthiness and what we find is that
or unworthiness and what we find is that people in a fixed mindset run from their
people in a fixed mindset run from their
people in a fixed mindset run from their errors or hide their errors in a study
errors or hide their errors in a study
errors or hide their errors in a study with David Nussbaum we gave engineering
with David Nussbaum we gave engineering
with David Nussbaum we gave engineering students three short engineering tests
students three short engineering tests
students three short engineering tests tests we said or tests of engineering
tests we said or tests of engineering
tests we said or tests of engineering aptitude they did really well on two of
aptitude they did really well on two of
aptitude they did really well on two of the tests but poorly on the third and
the tests but poorly on the third and
the tests but poorly on the third and then we said hey which one do you want
then we said hey which one do you want
then we said hey which one do you want to take a tutorial in and then redo the
to take a tutorial in and then redo the
to take a tutorial in and then redo the test and at the end we’ll give you a
test and at the end we’ll give you a
test and at the end we’ll give you a certificate with your score on this last
certificate with your score on this last
certificate with your score on this last test on the certificate those were the
test on the certificate those were the
test on the certificate those were the growth mindset overwhelmingly chose to
growth mindset overwhelmingly chose to
growth mindset overwhelmingly chose to take a tutorial in the on the exam that
take a tutorial in the on the exam that
take a tutorial in the on the exam that they didn’t do so well in that makes
they didn’t do so well in that makes
they didn’t do so well in that makes sense but those with a fixed mindset
sense but those with a fixed mindset
sense but those with a fixed mindset overwhelmingly chose to take a DES to
overwhelmingly chose to take a DES to
overwhelmingly chose to take a DES to Tory ‘el in something they were already
Tory ‘el in something they were already
Tory ‘el in something they were already perfect they didn’t want to risk having
perfect they didn’t want to risk having
perfect they didn’t want to risk having a less than or perfect score and
a less than or perfect score and
a less than or perfect score and blazoned on our certificate you can see
blazoned on our certificate you can see
blazoned on our certificate you can see how this fear of errors closes people
how this fear of errors closes people
how this fear of errors closes people off to learning and growth do you want
off to learning and growth do you want
off to learning and growth do you want to know what happens in the brain when
to know what happens in the brain when
to know what happens in the brain when people encounter errors it depends on
people encounter errors it depends on
people encounter errors it depends on your mindset Jason Moser and his
your mindset Jason Moser and his
your mindset Jason Moser and his colleagues measured the electrical
colleagues measured the electrical
colleagues measured the electrical impulses from the part of the brain that
impulses from the part of the brain that
impulses from the part of the brain that deals with errors as people worked on a
deals with errors as people worked on a
deals with errors as people worked on a task and occasionally made errors when
task and occasionally made errors when
task and occasionally made errors when you look at the pictures of the brains
you look at the pictures of the brains
you look at the pictures of the brains of people with a growth mindset while
of people with a growth mindset while
of people with a growth mindset while they’re making the errors that part of
they’re making the errors that part of
they’re making the errors that part of the brain the anterior cingulate cortex
the brain the anterior cingulate cortex
the brain the anterior cingulate cortex is red hot
is red hot
is red hot they are detecting their error
they are detecting their error
they are detecting their error processing the error and correcting it
processing the error and correcting it
processing the error and correcting it detecting processing correcting they are
detecting processing correcting they are
detecting processing correcting they are glomming onto it and extracting
glomming onto it and extracting
glomming onto it and extracting everything they can from it but when we
everything they can from it but when we
everything they can from it but when we looked when they looked at the brains of
looked when they looked at the brains of
looked when they looked at the brains of people in a fixed mindset as they
people in a fixed mindset as they
people in a fixed mindset as they encountered the errors nothing happened
encountered the errors nothing happened
encountered the errors nothing happened that brain was a deep green cold they
that brain was a deep green cold they
that brain was a deep green cold they did not process or correct the errors
did not process or correct the errors
did not process or correct the errors they ran from the errors as quickly as
they ran from the errors as quickly as
they ran from the errors as quickly as possible oh that didn’t happen to me
possible oh that didn’t happen to me
possible oh that didn’t happen to me next and again you can see how not
next and again you can see how not
next and again you can see how not attending to your errors not processing
attending to your errors not processing
attending to your errors not processing them Rob’s you of valuable information
them Rob’s you of valuable information
them Rob’s you of valuable information that you need to learn grow and succeed
no wonder because of what errors mean
no wonder because of what errors mean errors are deeply diagnostic
errors are deeply diagnostic
errors are deeply diagnostic their ability now wonder we find that
their ability now wonder we find that
their ability now wonder we find that people students in a fixed mindset say
people students in a fixed mindset say
people students in a fixed mindset say after poor score on an exam they
after poor score on an exam they
after poor score on an exam they consider cheating next time the poor
consider cheating next time the poor
consider cheating next time the poor score meant they weren’t good at it they
score meant they weren’t good at it they
score meant they weren’t good at it they don’t like effort they don’t believe in
don’t like effort they don’t believe in
don’t like effort they don’t believe in effort cheating becomes a viable option
effort cheating becomes a viable option
effort cheating becomes a viable option or in some studies we’ve found they lie
or in some studies we’ve found they lie
or in some studies we’ve found they lie about a poor score when they have the
about a poor score when they have the
about a poor score when they have the opportunity it’s as though admitting
opportunity it’s as though admitting
opportunity it’s as though admitting imperfection makes it real and that
imperfection makes it real and that
imperfection makes it real and that imperfection in a fixed mindset is
imperfection in a fixed mindset is
imperfection in a fixed mindset is permanent in my book mindset I write
permanent in my book mindset I write
permanent in my book mindset I write write about the tragic cases of two
write about the tragic cases of two
write about the tragic cases of two young people
young people
young people Janet Cooke and Stephen glass whose
Janet Cooke and Stephen glass whose
Janet Cooke and Stephen glass whose lives were completely derailed they were
lives were completely derailed they were
lives were completely derailed they were both young journalists who skyrocketed
both young journalists who skyrocketed
both young journalists who skyrocketed to the top but unfabulous Janet Cooke
to the top but unfabulous Janet Cooke
to the top but unfabulous Janet Cooke actually won a Pulitzer Prize for her
actually won a Pulitzer Prize for her
actually won a Pulitzer Prize for her Washington Post article about an
Washington Post article about an
Washington Post article about an eight-year-old boy who was a drug addict
eight-year-old boy who was a drug addict
eight-year-old boy who was a drug addict the boy did not exist and she was later
the boy did not exist and she was later
the boy did not exist and she was later stripped of her prize Stephen glass was
stripped of her prize Stephen glass was
stripped of her prize Stephen glass was the whiz kid of the New Republic
the whiz kid of the New Republic
the whiz kid of the New Republic magazine he seemed to have stories and
magazine he seemed to have stories and
magazine he seemed to have stories and sources that other reporters only
sources that other reporters only
sources that other reporters only dreamed of the problem was he dreamt it
dreamed of the problem was he dreamt it
dreamed of the problem was he dreamt it all up the sources didn’t exist the
all up the sources didn’t exist the
all up the sources didn’t exist the stories weren’t true did Janet cook and
stories weren’t true did Janet cook and
stories weren’t true did Janet cook and Stephen glass feel that admitting
Stephen glass feel that admitting
Stephen glass feel that admitting ignorance would discredit them with
ignorance would discredit them with
ignorance would discredit them with their colleagues did they feel they
their colleagues did they feel they
their colleagues did they feel they should already be like the big
should already be like the big
should already be like the big expert reporters before they did the
expert reporters before they did the
expert reporters before they did the hard work of learning how Stephen glass
hard work of learning how Stephen glass
hard work of learning how Stephen glass said we were the stars precocious stars
said we were the stars precocious stars
said we were the stars precocious stars and that was what mattered the public
and that was what mattered the public
and that was what mattered the public understands them as cheats and cheat
understands them as cheats and cheat
understands them as cheats and cheat they did but I understand them as
they did but I understand them as
they did but I understand them as talented young people who succumbed to
talented young people who succumbed to
talented young people who succumbed to the pressures of a fixed mindset who
the pressures of a fixed mindset who
the pressures of a fixed mindset who felt they had to be perfect there was a
felt they had to be perfect there was a
felt they had to be perfect there was a saying in the 60s that went like this
saying in the 60s that went like this
saying in the 60s that went like this the 1960s of becoming becoming is better
the 1960s of becoming becoming is better
the 1960s of becoming becoming is better than being the fixed mindset doesn’t
than being the fixed mindset doesn’t
than being the fixed mindset doesn’t allow people the luxury of becoming they
allow people the luxury of becoming they
allow people the luxury of becoming they already have to be and be perfect the
already have to be and be perfect the
already have to be and be perfect the good news as we were told at the
good news as we were told at the
good news as we were told at the beginning is that a growth mindset can
beginning is that a growth mindset can
beginning is that a growth mindset can be taught and it can be taught at any
be taught and it can be taught at any
be taught and it can be taught at any age it can be taught to little kids
age it can be taught to little kids
age it can be taught to little kids and in fact parents tell me often I got
and in fact parents tell me often I got
and in fact parents tell me often I got a an email from an executive that Apple
a an email from an executive that Apple
a an email from an executive that Apple not long ago he said his four and a half
not long ago he said his four and a half
not long ago he said his four and a half year old son was taking piano lessons
year old son was taking piano lessons
year old son was taking piano lessons and was struggling through his practice
and was struggling through his practice
and was struggling through his practice the good dad started marching over
the good dad started marching over
the good dad started marching over whereupon the son turned around
whereupon the son turned around
whereupon the son turned around said don’t worry dad I have a growth
said don’t worry dad I have a growth
said don’t worry dad I have a growth mindset many parents tell me their
mindset many parents tell me their
mindset many parents tell me their three-year-olds will say good effort
three-year-olds will say good effort
three-year-olds will say good effort mommy or good try daddy maybe you can
mommy or good try daddy maybe you can
mommy or good try daddy maybe you can try another way my former student Jason
try another way my former student Jason
try another way my former student Jason Flags is now doing studies with elderly
Flags is now doing studies with elderly
Flags is now doing studies with elderly individuals showing that teaching a
individuals showing that teaching a
individuals showing that teaching a growth mindset improves their memory
growth mindset improves their memory
growth mindset improves their memory performance in our studies where we
performance in our studies where we
performance in our studies where we teach a growth mindset we teach people
teach a growth mindset we teach people
teach a growth mindset we teach people that every time they push out of their
that every time they push out of their
that every time they push out of their comfort zone work on something really
comfort zone work on something really
comfort zone work on something really hard and learn something new their
hard and learn something new their
hard and learn something new their brains form new connections and over
brains form new connections and over
brains form new connections and over time they can get smarter this is a
time they can get smarter this is a
time they can get smarter this is a thrilling message we’ll never forget the
thrilling message we’ll never forget the
thrilling message we’ll never forget the one boy in one of our studies a teenage
one boy in one of our studies a teenage
one boy in one of our studies a teenage boy in one of our workshops he was an
boy in one of our workshops he was an
boy in one of our workshops he was an aide of our existence
aide of our existence
aide of our existence he was always cutting up with his
he was always cutting up with his
he was always cutting up with his friends being disruptive he seemed
friends being disruptive he seemed
friends being disruptive he seemed uninterested in our pearls of wisdom but
uninterested in our pearls of wisdom but
uninterested in our pearls of wisdom but when we started teaching the growth
when we started teaching the growth
when we started teaching the growth mindset and how you can grow your brain
mindset and how you can grow your brain
mindset and how you can grow your brain like a muscle he sat down shoot his
like a muscle he sat down shoot his
like a muscle he sat down shoot his friends away and said you mean I don’t
friends away and said you mean I don’t
friends away and said you mean I don’t have to be dumb and he caught fire as
have to be dumb and he caught fire as
have to be dumb and he caught fire as have many students learning the growth
have many students learning the growth
have many students learning the growth mindset but the amazing thing is that it
mindset but the amazing thing is that it
mindset but the amazing thing is that it completely learning this growth
completely learning this growth
completely learning this growth I’m set and this completely transforms
I’m set and this completely transforms
I’m set and this completely transforms the meaning of effort and difficulty in
the meaning of effort and difficulty in
the meaning of effort and difficulty in a fixed mindset effort and difficulty
a fixed mindset effort and difficulty
a fixed mindset effort and difficulty people say make you feel dumb
people say make you feel dumb
people say make you feel dumb incompetent inadequate but in a growth
incompetent inadequate but in a growth
incompetent inadequate but in a growth mindset we learn that when we’re
mindset we learn that when we’re
mindset we learn that when we’re struggling with effort and difficulty
struggling with effort and difficulty
struggling with effort and difficulty that’s when we’re getting smarter that’s
that’s when we’re getting smarter that’s
that’s when we’re getting smarter that’s when the brain is forming new
when the brain is forming new
when the brain is forming new connections and making us more competent
connections and making us more competent
connections and making us more competent can you feel that difference I’m on a
can you feel that difference I’m on a
can you feel that difference I’m on a worldwide crusade now to change our
worldwide crusade now to change our
worldwide crusade now to change our value system away from effortless
value system away from effortless
value system away from effortless success as the ultimate and toward
success as the ultimate and toward
success as the ultimate and toward effortful success as the ultimate not
effortful success as the ultimate not
effortful success as the ultimate not long ago someone from another country
long ago someone from another country
long ago someone from another country said to me in your culture struggle is a
said to me in your culture struggle is a
said to me in your culture struggle is a bad word I said you know you’re right
bad word I said you know you’re right
bad word I said you know you’re right rarely do you come home at the end of
rarely do you come home at the end of
rarely do you come home at the end of the day and say honey I’ve had a
the day and say honey I’ve had a
the day and say honey I’ve had a fabulous struggle now usually you’re
fabulous struggle now usually you’re
fabulous struggle now usually you’re crawling in the door dragging yourself
crawling in the door dragging yourself
crawling in the door dragging yourself over the threshold may be in need of
over the threshold may be in need of
over the threshold may be in need of some form of libation but why shouldn’t
some form of libation but why shouldn’t
some form of libation but why shouldn’t we Revere struggle it means we’ve worked
we Revere struggle it means we’ve worked
we Revere struggle it means we’ve worked hard towards something we value why
hard towards something we value why
hard towards something we value why shouldn’t we sit around the dinner table
shouldn’t we sit around the dinner table
shouldn’t we sit around the dinner table and say who had a fabulous struggle
and say who had a fabulous struggle
and say who had a fabulous struggle today and each person goes around and
today and each person goes around and
today and each person goes around and shares what they’ve struggled with what
shares what they’ve struggled with what
shares what they’ve struggled with what are you going to struggle with tomorrow
are you going to struggle with tomorrow
are you going to struggle with tomorrow that is the greatest gift that we can
that is the greatest gift that we can
that is the greatest gift that we can give ourselves
give ourselves
give ourselves and others that value system that says
and others that value system that says
and others that value system that says struggle that’s when you grow the
struggle that’s when you grow the
struggle that’s when you grow the neurons struggle that’s when you’re
neurons struggle that’s when you’re
neurons struggle that’s when you’re doing something important so instead of
doing something important so instead of
doing something important so instead of praising each other when you do
praising each other when you do
praising each other when you do something easily quickly without
something easily quickly without
something easily quickly without mistakes no because that means hey if
mistakes no because that means hey if
mistakes no because that means hey if you didn’t do it quickly easily without
you didn’t do it quickly easily without
you didn’t do it quickly easily without mistakes
mistakes
mistakes you wouldn’t be praiseworthy we should
you wouldn’t be praiseworthy we should
you wouldn’t be praiseworthy we should say Oh easy that’s a waste of time
say Oh easy that’s a waste of time
say Oh easy that’s a waste of time something hard
something hard
something hard now that’s juicy that’s something you
now that’s juicy that’s something you
now that’s juicy that’s something you can sink your teeth into something you
can sink your teeth into something you
can sink your teeth into something you can learn from something worthwhile I
can learn from something worthwhile I
can learn from something worthwhile I fear that in our eagerness to instill
fear that in our eagerness to instill
fear that in our eagerness to instill confidence in the younger generations
confidence in the younger generations
confidence in the younger generations and in each other we’re praising the
and in each other we’re praising the
and in each other we’re praising the wrong things our work shows that
wrong things our work shows that
wrong things our work shows that praising easy praising brilliance no
praising easy praising brilliance no
praising easy praising brilliance no let’s get that value system where
let’s get that value system where
let’s get that value system where difficult things where you struggle make
difficult things where you struggle make
difficult things where you struggle make mistakes flounder that’s when it happens
mistakes flounder that’s when it happens
mistakes flounder that’s when it happens that’s the zone of getting smarter so
that’s the zone of getting smarter so
that’s the zone of getting smarter so what about me am i still perfect no not
what about me am i still perfect no not
what about me am i still perfect no not by a long shot I pursue high standards
by a long shot I pursue high standards
by a long shot I pursue high standards but shouldn’t we get rid of that word
but shouldn’t we get rid of that word
but shouldn’t we get rid of that word perfect it has tormented so many
perfect it has tormented so many
perfect it has tormented so many talented people and doomed them to
talented people and doomed them to
talented people and doomed them to oblivion being a work in progress isn’t
oblivion being a work in progress isn’t
oblivion being a work in progress isn’t that better than perfect setting high
that better than perfect setting high
that better than perfect setting high standards striving to learn working
standards striving to learn working
standards striving to learn working struggling toward hard things we value
struggling toward hard things we value
struggling toward hard things we value failing and bouncing back isn’t that
failing and bouncing back isn’t that
failing and bouncing back isn’t that better than
better than
better than perfect can we find another word that’s
perfect can we find another word that’s
perfect can we find another word that’s better than perfect growth growth ISM
better than perfect growth growth ISM
better than perfect growth growth ISM growth eNOS what is the highest
growth eNOS what is the highest
growth eNOS what is the highest compliment were boy you have such
compliment were boy you have such
compliment were boy you have such wonderful growth eNOS well okay so
wonderful growth eNOS well okay so
wonderful growth eNOS well okay so that’s a work in progress too but if you
that’s a work in progress too but if you
that’s a work in progress too but if you can think of a good word all suggestions
can think of a good word all suggestions
can think of a good word all suggestions are welcome I want to return one final
are welcome I want to return one final
are welcome I want to return one final time to Pam Scott’s survey of people
time to Pam Scott’s survey of people
time to Pam Scott’s survey of people where she asked them am i a
where she asked them am i a
where she asked them am i a perfectionist and one of them said the
perfectionist and one of them said the
perfectionist and one of them said the thing that is really hard and really
thing that is really hard and really
thing that is really hard and really amazing is giving up on being perfect
amazing is giving up on being perfect
amazing is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming
and beginning the work of becoming
and beginning the work of becoming myself I agree by giving up the idea of
myself I agree by giving up the idea of
myself I agree by giving up the idea of perfection we can start a life long
perfection we can start a life long
perfection we can start a life long wondrous ever rewarding journey to
wondrous ever rewarding journey to
wondrous ever rewarding journey to becoming ourselves thank you
Oh such
it’s a tremendous pleasure being here
it’s a tremendous pleasure being here with you today in Conway mall I’d like
with you today in Conway mall I’d like
with you today in Conway mall I’d like to start with a question can a person be
to start with a question can a person be
to start with a question can a person be perfect well speaking from personal
perfect well speaking from personal
perfect well speaking from personal experience
experience
experience yes as a child I was perfect I was
yes as a child I was perfect I was
yes as a child I was perfect I was perfectly good at least outwardly
perfectly good at least outwardly
perfectly good at least outwardly inwardly I had a lot of mischievous
inwardly I had a lot of mischievous
inwardly I had a lot of mischievous thoughts I was perfectly smart I was
thoughts I was perfectly smart I was
thoughts I was perfectly smart I was always at the top of my class this I
always at the top of my class this I
always at the top of my class this I believed would ensure respect from
believed would ensure respect from
believed would ensure respect from others as well as self high self regard
others as well as self high self regard
others as well as self high self regard if I ever considered easing up something
if I ever considered easing up something
if I ever considered easing up something would come along to underscore the
would come along to underscore the
would come along to underscore the importance of being perfect for example
importance of being perfect for example
importance of being perfect for example my sixth grade teacher mrs. Wilson
my sixth grade teacher mrs. Wilson
my sixth grade teacher mrs. Wilson seated us around the room in i.q order
it was already the top I kid class in
it was already the top I kid class in the school but she didn’t care for her
the school but she didn’t care for her
the school but she didn’t care for her every point of IQ was incredibly
every point of IQ was incredibly
every point of IQ was incredibly important the lower IQ children were not
important the lower IQ children were not
important the lower IQ children were not allowed to wash the blackboard or clap
allowed to wash the blackboard or clap
allowed to wash the blackboard or clap the erasers in the schoolyard or carry
the erasers in the schoolyard or carry
the erasers in the schoolyard or carry the flag and the assembly take a note to
the flag and the assembly take a note to
the flag and the assembly take a note to the school principal for her your score
the school principal for her your score
the school principal for her your score summarized everything about your
summarized everything about your
summarized everything about your intelligence and character how could you
intelligence and character how could you
intelligence and character how could you not be affected by that
not be affected by that
not be affected by that I was so perfect that I had to start
I was so perfect that I had to start
I was so perfect that I had to start shrinking my world to maintain it in
shrinking my world to maintain it in
shrinking my world to maintain it in grade school I was the best speller in
grade school I was the best speller in
grade school I was the best speller in the school and they wanted to send me to
the school and they wanted to send me to
the school and they wanted to send me to the Regional Championship spelling me I
the Regional Championship spelling me I
the Regional Championship spelling me I said no the next year I was the best
said no the next year I was the best
said no the next year I was the best student of French in the school and they
student of French in the school and they
student of French in the school and they wanted to send me to a citywide
wanted to send me to a citywide
wanted to send me to a citywide competition
competition
competition I said no why would I put myself at risk
I said no why would I put myself at risk
I said no why would I put myself at risk I was already perfect and I had to
I was already perfect and I had to
I was already perfect and I had to curate that perfection now perhaps if
curate that perfection now perhaps if
curate that perfection now perhaps if life were one large schoolroom it would
life were one large schoolroom it would
life were one large schoolroom it would be okay to stay perfect trying to stay
be okay to stay perfect trying to stay
be okay to stay perfect trying to stay perfect but life isn’t like that it
perfect but life isn’t like that it
perfect but life isn’t like that it changes radically and it begins to
changes radically and it begins to
changes radically and it begins to reward taking on challenges seizing
reward taking on challenges seizing
reward taking on challenges seizing opportunities and sticking with them my
opportunities and sticking with them my
opportunities and sticking with them my charge today is seek to speak about a
charge today is seek to speak about a
charge today is seek to speak about a vice or a virtue it’s perfect
vice or a virtue it’s perfect
vice or a virtue it’s perfect action ISM a vice or a virtue Pam’s got
action ISM a vice or a virtue Pam’s got
action ISM a vice or a virtue Pam’s got a friend and colleague surveyed adults
a friend and colleague surveyed adults
a friend and colleague surveyed adults asking them to answer the following
asking them to answer the following
asking them to answer the following question am i a perfectionist how would
question am i a perfectionist how would
question am i a perfectionist how would you answer that on the survey many many
you answer that on the survey many many
you answer that on the survey many many people said yes but there were two very
people said yes but there were two very
people said yes but there were two very different kinds of yes so listen to this
different kinds of yes so listen to this
different kinds of yes so listen to this am i a perfectionist one person said I
am i a perfectionist one person said I
am i a perfectionist one person said I want to get it perfect the first time
want to get it perfect the first time
want to get it perfect the first time every time my inner critic is constant
every time my inner critic is constant
every time my inner critic is constant it is my judge my warden or in the same
it is my judge my warden or in the same
it is my judge my warden or in the same vein another person said having built a
vein another person said having built a
vein another person said having built a magnificent dam of perfection that is I
magnificent dam of perfection that is I
magnificent dam of perfection that is I am perpetually plugging all the holes
am perpetually plugging all the holes
am perpetually plugging all the holes it’s tiring depleting it’s about fear of
it’s tiring depleting it’s about fear of
it’s tiring depleting it’s about fear of chaos and anxiety that what is is not
chaos and anxiety that what is is not
chaos and anxiety that what is is not good enough and that I am not good
good enough and that I am not good
good enough and that I am not good enough but now listen to this
enough but now listen to this
enough but now listen to this this is a little bit different am i a
this is a little bit different am i a
this is a little bit different am i a perfectionist this person says I do
perfectionist this person says I do
perfectionist this person says I do believe it serves a purpose it got me
believe it serves a purpose it got me
believe it serves a purpose it got me where I am today I am known for high
where I am today I am known for high
where I am today I am known for high standards and excellent work why would I
standards and excellent work why would I
standards and excellent work why would I ever give up this excellent tool hmm
ever give up this excellent tool hmm
ever give up this excellent tool hmm so sometimes it sounds like a vise and
so sometimes it sounds like a vise and
so sometimes it sounds like a vise and sometimes it sounds like a virtue what
sometimes it sounds like a virtue what
sometimes it sounds like a virtue what does the research say the research says
does the research say the research says
does the research say the research says there might be two different kinds of
there might be two different kinds of
there might be two different kinds of perfectionism one kind of perfectionist
perfectionism one kind of perfectionist
perfectionism one kind of perfectionist agrees with statements like this people
agrees with statements like this people
agrees with statements like this people will probably think less of me if I make
will probably think less of me if I make
will probably think less of me if I make a mistake if I do not do well all the
a mistake if I do not do well all the
a mistake if I do not do well all the time
time
time people won’t respect me if I fail partly
people won’t respect me if I fail partly
people won’t respect me if I fail partly it it is as bad as being a complete
it it is as bad as being a complete
it it is as bad as being a complete failure but the other kind of
failure but the other kind of
failure but the other kind of perfectionist
perfectionist
perfectionist they say agrees with statements like
they say agrees with statements like
they say agrees with statements like this I try to do my best and everything
this I try to do my best and everything
this I try to do my best and everything I do I Drive myself rigorously to
I do I Drive myself rigorously to
I do I Drive myself rigorously to achieve high standards I have a strong
achieve high standards I have a strong
achieve high standards I have a strong need to strive for excellent
need to strive for excellent
need to strive for excellent so this kind involves setting and
so this kind involves setting and
so this kind involves setting and striving toward very high standards and
striving toward very high standards and
striving toward very high standards and leader will ask if perfectionism is the
leader will ask if perfectionism is the
leader will ask if perfectionism is the best word for that the first that
best word for that the first that
best word for that the first that self-critical kind has many negative
self-critical kind has many negative
self-critical kind has many negative consequences anxiety depression
consequences anxiety depression
consequences anxiety depression compromised relationships but the second
compromised relationships but the second
compromised relationships but the second kind striving for excellence can have
kind striving for excellence can have
kind striving for excellence can have many positive consequences not only
many positive consequences not only
many positive consequences not only higher achievement but greater life
higher achievement but greater life
higher achievement but greater life satisfaction how do we understand where
satisfaction how do we understand where
satisfaction how do we understand where that defensive self-critical part comes
that defensive self-critical part comes
that defensive self-critical part comes from that idea that I I want to get
from that idea that I I want to get
from that idea that I I want to get perfect the first time and every time as
perfect the first time and every time as
perfect the first time and every time as opposed to the more inspiring striving
opposed to the more inspiring striving
opposed to the more inspiring striving for high standards to understand this
for high standards to understand this
for high standards to understand this let’s look at my work on mindsets and
let’s look at my work on mindsets and
let’s look at my work on mindsets and let’s listen for the fixed
let’s listen for the fixed
let’s listen for the fixed that’s mandate for perfection in this
that’s mandate for perfection in this
that’s mandate for perfection in this research I identify two kinds of
research I identify two kinds of
research I identify two kinds of mindsets people can have about their
mindsets people can have about their
mindsets people can have about their basic talents and abilities in a fixed
basic talents and abilities in a fixed
basic talents and abilities in a fixed mindset people believe that their basic
mindset people believe that their basic
mindset people believe that their basic attributes are well fixed the talents
attributes are well fixed the talents
attributes are well fixed the talents abilities and personal qualities they
abilities and personal qualities they
abilities and personal qualities they have now that’s all they’re ever going
have now that’s all they’re ever going
have now that’s all they’re ever going to have and so they keep asking is what
to have and so they keep asking is what
to have and so they keep asking is what I have enough and is it enough to make
I have enough and is it enough to make
I have enough and is it enough to make me admirable is it enough to make me
me admirable is it enough to make me
me admirable is it enough to make me worthy this is what they’re always
worthy this is what they’re always
worthy this is what they’re always wondering but other people have a growth
wondering but other people have a growth
wondering but other people have a growth mindset they believe that their basic
mindset they believe that their basic
mindset they believe that their basic talents abilities personal attributes
talents abilities personal attributes
talents abilities personal attributes can be developed through effort learning
can be developed through effort learning
can be developed through effort learning mentoring from others what they have now
mentoring from others what they have now
mentoring from others what they have now is just a starting point now they don’t
is just a starting point now they don’t
is just a starting point now they don’t necessarily believe that everyone’s the
necessarily believe that everyone’s the
necessarily believe that everyone’s the same or that anyone can be Einstein but
same or that anyone can be Einstein but
same or that anyone can be Einstein but they believe that everyone can grow and
they believe that everyone can grow and
they believe that everyone can grow and develop let’s look into these mindsets
develop let’s look into these mindsets
develop let’s look into these mindsets to see exactly how they work first what
to see exactly how they work first what
to see exactly how they work first what is the number one goal for people in the
is the number one goal for people in the
is the number one goal for people in the different mindsets when we ask people
different mindsets when we ask people
different mindsets when we ask people this question in school at work in their
this question in school at work in their
this question in school at work in their relationships those with the fixed
relationships those with the fixed
relationships those with the fixed mindset say that their number one goal
mindset say that their number one goal
mindset say that their number one goal is to look and feel extremely
is to look and feel extremely
is to look and feel extremely accomplished at all times but above all
accomplished at all times but above all
accomplished at all times but above all never to feel dumb or inadequate
never to feel dumb or inadequate
never to feel dumb or inadequate students say this I like school work
students say this I like school work
students say this I like school work pets do
pets do
pets do fix my zit say this I like school work
fix my zit say this I like school work
fix my zit say this I like school work best when I could do it perfectly
best when I could do it perfectly
best when I could do it perfectly without any mistakes but students in a
without any mistakes but students in a
without any mistakes but students in a growth mindset so their number one goal
growth mindset so their number one goal
growth mindset so their number one goal is learning the reason they do their
is learning the reason they do their
is learning the reason they do their schoolwork is to learn new things they
schoolwork is to learn new things they
schoolwork is to learn new things they say I like school work best when it
say I like school work best when it
say I like school work best when it makes me think hard and it’s much more
makes me think hard and it’s much more
makes me think hard and it’s much more important for me to learn new things in
important for me to learn new things in
important for me to learn new things in my classes than it is to get the best
my classes than it is to get the best
my classes than it is to get the best grades guess what they get the best
grades guess what they get the best
grades guess what they get the best grades because that outcome that badge
grades because that outcome that badge
grades because that outcome that badge of honor that the fixed mindset students
of honor that the fixed mindset students
of honor that the fixed mindset students want so desperately is achieved by the
want so desperately is achieved by the
want so desperately is achieved by the growth mindset students because they
growth mindset students because they
growth mindset students because they engage deeply and effectively in the
engage deeply and effectively in the
engage deeply and effectively in the learning process grades outcomes are a
learning process grades outcomes are a
learning process grades outcomes are a byproduct of engaging deeply and
byproduct of engaging deeply and
byproduct of engaging deeply and effectively in a learning process we’ve
effectively in a learning process we’ve
effectively in a learning process we’ve been doing a large study of fortune 500
been doing a large study of fortune 500
been doing a large study of fortune 500 companies and we hear the same exact
companies and we hear the same exact
companies and we hear the same exact thing from the fortune 500 people the
thing from the fortune 500 people the
thing from the fortune 500 people the more employees held a fixed mindset they
more employees held a fixed mindset they
more employees held a fixed mindset they wanted to look the more they wanted to
wanted to look the more they wanted to
wanted to look the more they wanted to look smart but not just smart smarter
look smart but not just smart smarter
look smart but not just smart smarter than everyone else they said it’s very
than everyone else they said it’s very
than everyone else they said it’s very important to me to show that I am more
important to me to show that I am more
important to me to show that I am more talented than others at work when
talented than others at work when
talented than others at work when working in teams it is important to me
working in teams it is important to me
working in teams it is important to me that I am the star of the team good bye
that I am the star of the team good bye
that I am the star of the team good bye teamwork
it’s what we call the culture of genius
it’s what we call the culture of genius and it’s about looking and feeling smart
and it’s about looking and feeling smart
and it’s about looking and feeling smart at all times and at all costs but those
at all times and at all costs but those
at all times and at all costs but those were the growth mindset in the fortune
were the growth mindset in the fortune
were the growth mindset in the fortune 500 company said it’s much more
500 company said it’s much more
500 company said it’s much more important for me to learn things at work
important for me to learn things at work
important for me to learn things at work that it is to get the highest accolades
that it is to get the highest accolades
that it is to get the highest accolades they wanted to learn innovate
they wanted to learn innovate
they wanted to learn innovate collaborate and those are going to be
collaborate and those are going to be
collaborate and those are going to be the store performers remember how when I
the store performers remember how when I
the store performers remember how when I was busy being perfect
was busy being perfect
was busy being perfect I was also protecting myself protecting
I was also protecting myself protecting
I was also protecting myself protecting myself from the spelling bee and the
myself from the spelling bee and the
myself from the spelling bee and the French contest
French contest
French contest I wanted to remain part of the culture
I wanted to remain part of the culture
I wanted to remain part of the culture of genius and we looked at people in
of genius and we looked at people in
of genius and we looked at people in relationships
relationships
relationships those were the fixed mindset tell us I
those were the fixed mindset tell us I
those were the fixed mindset tell us I want to be worshipped they want to
want to be worshipped they want to
want to be worshipped they want to always be right
always be right
always be right those were the growth mindset one their
those were the growth mindset one their
those were the growth mindset one their partner to challenge them to grow when I
partner to challenge them to grow when I
partner to challenge them to grow when I had a fixed mindset my worst fault was
had a fixed mindset my worst fault was
had a fixed mindset my worst fault was always wanting to be right even I was
always wanting to be right even I was
always wanting to be right even I was put off by the Glee the relish with
put off by the Glee the relish with
put off by the Glee the relish with which I said I told you so
which I said I told you so
which I said I told you so on the rare occasion I was wrong I look
on the rare occasion I was wrong I look
on the rare occasion I was wrong I look for someone I look for someone or
for someone I look for someone or
for someone I look for someone or something to blame anyone but me my
something to blame anyone but me my
something to blame anyone but me my husband and I finally had to invent a
husband and I finally had to invent a
husband and I finally had to invent a third party we named him Maurice and he
third party we named him Maurice and he
third party we named him Maurice and he was the person we blamed for everything
so that we could get around that blame
so that we could get around that blame game and start getting to the important
game and start getting to the important
game and start getting to the important things let’s talk about role models
things let’s talk about role models
things let’s talk about role models they’re supposed to be inspiring right
they’re supposed to be inspiring right
they’re supposed to be inspiring right you see someone who succeeded in your
you see someone who succeeded in your
you see someone who succeeded in your field who’s like you and it should give
field who’s like you and it should give
field who’s like you and it should give you confidence it should excite you if
you confidence it should excite you if
you confidence it should excite you if you’re a person with a fixed mindset
you’re a person with a fixed mindset
you’re a person with a fixed mindset that wouldn’t be right
that wouldn’t be right
that wouldn’t be right people Jenny Burnett and her colleagues
people Jenny Burnett and her colleagues
people Jenny Burnett and her colleagues showed in their research people with a
showed in their research people with a
showed in their research people with a fixed mindset are demoralized by
fixed mindset are demoralized by
fixed mindset are demoralized by successful role models they say oh
successful role models they say oh
successful role models they say oh that’s a different kind of person from
that’s a different kind of person from
that’s a different kind of person from me I could never be like that that
me I could never be like that that
me I could never be like that that comparison that gap where they don’t see
comparison that gap where they don’t see
comparison that gap where they don’t see the bridge is undermining to their
the bridge is undermining to their
the bridge is undermining to their confidence but people in a growth
confidence but people in a growth
confidence but people in a growth mindset are inspired by role models they
mindset are inspired by role models they
mindset are inspired by role models they think that person has found a path I can
think that person has found a path I can
think that person has found a path I can find a path to maybe I can even find
find a path to maybe I can even find
find a path to maybe I can even find someone like that person to mentor me
someone like that person to mentor me
someone like that person to mentor me and lead me along the way so this first
and lead me along the way so this first
and lead me along the way so this first part says that they’re in a fixed
part says that they’re in a fixed
part says that they’re in a fixed mindset there’s this constant issue of
mindset there’s this constant issue of
mindset there’s this constant issue of proving that one is without full that
proving that one is without full that
proving that one is without full that one is king or queen of the hill sounds
one is king or queen of the hill sounds
one is king or queen of the hill sounds an awful lot like perfectionism doesn’t
an awful lot like perfectionism doesn’t
an awful lot like perfectionism doesn’t it second there is a question of effort
it second there is a question of effort
it second there is a question of effort in a fixed mindset even effort may shout
in a fixed mindset even effort may shout
in a fixed mindset even effort may shout imperfection inadequacy people in a fix
imperfection inadequacy people in a fix
imperfection inadequacy people in a fix I said believe that if you have high
I said believe that if you have high
I said believe that if you have high ability you shouldn’t need effort and
ability you shouldn’t need effort and
ability you shouldn’t need effort and that if you have to exert effort why
that if you have to exert effort why
that if you have to exert effort why that means you don’t have high ability
that means you don’t have high ability
that means you don’t have high ability effort to them is only for the lesser
effort to them is only for the lesser
effort to them is only for the lesser the imperfect beings the fixed mindset
the imperfect beings the fixed mindset
the imperfect beings the fixed mindset students in our studies tell us to tell
students in our studies tell us to tell
students in our studies tell us to tell the truth when I work hard at my
the truth when I work hard at my
the truth when I work hard at my schoolwork it makes me feel like I’m not
schoolwork it makes me feel like I’m not
schoolwork it makes me feel like I’m not very good at it but the students with a
very good at it but the students with a
very good at it but the students with a growth mindset value effort and
growth mindset value effort and
growth mindset value effort and appreciate its power to ignite our
appreciate its power to ignite our
appreciate its power to ignite our abilities and help them grow they say
abilities and help them grow they say
abilities and help them grow they say the harder you work at something the
the harder you work at something the
the harder you work at something the better you’ll be at it same thing with
better you’ll be at it same thing with
better you’ll be at it same thing with the fortune 500 people the ones with the
the fortune 500 people the ones with the
the fortune 500 people the ones with the fixed mindset devalued effort if you’re
fixed mindset devalued effort if you’re
fixed mindset devalued effort if you’re really good at something they agreed you
really good at something they agreed you
really good at something they agreed you shouldn’t have to work hard at it I
think this is the worst belief that
think this is the worst belief that anyone could have everything important
anyone could have everything important
anyone could have everything important and this is a sermon part everything
and this is a sermon part everything
and this is a sermon part everything important in life requires huge amounts
important in life requires huge amounts
important in life requires huge amounts of effort over long periods of time and
of effort over long periods of time and
of effort over long periods of time and F if effort makes you feel inadequate
F if effort makes you feel inadequate
F if effort makes you feel inadequate incompetent you’re at a huge
incompetent you’re at a huge
incompetent you’re at a huge disadvantage fascinating studies now
disadvantage fascinating studies now
disadvantage fascinating studies now show the power of any little effort to
show the power of any little effort to
show the power of any little effort to undermine the confidence of people in a
undermine the confidence of people in a
undermine the confidence of people in a fixed mindset david nelly and his
fixed mindset david nelly and his
fixed mindset david nelly and his colleagues did a series of fascinating
colleagues did a series of fascinating
colleagues did a series of fascinating days where they gave people reading
days where they gave people reading
days where they gave people reading passages and for some of them they made
passages and for some of them they made
passages and for some of them they made it that feel more effortful for example
it that feel more effortful for example
it that feel more effortful for example they made the font more difficult to
they made the font more difficult to
they made the font more difficult to read or they made the sentences in the
read or they made the sentences in the
read or they made the sentences in the passage they made the syntax a little
passage they made the syntax a little
passage they made the syntax a little more complex every little thing that
more complex every little thing that
more complex every little thing that increased the effort you needed
increased the effort you needed
increased the effort you needed undermine the confidence of people with
undermine the confidence of people with
undermine the confidence of people with a fixed mindset they rated themselves as
a fixed mindset they rated themselves as
a fixed mindset they rated themselves as less competent and less good at
less competent and less good at
less competent and less good at comprehending the passage every time
comprehending the passage every time
comprehending the passage every time they had to apply more effort even when
they had to apply more effort even when
they had to apply more effort even when effort was induced in the silly and
effort was induced in the silly and
effort was induced in the silly and irrelevant ways since I wrote my book
irrelevant ways since I wrote my book
irrelevant ways since I wrote my book mindset I get letters from people who
mindset I get letters from people who
mindset I get letters from people who were once child prodigies many of them
were once child prodigies many of them
were once child prodigies many of them have not finished University or found
have not finished University or found
have not finished University or found meaningful work
meaningful work
meaningful work they expected effortless achievement and
they expected effortless achievement and
they expected effortless achievement and people promised it to them they said oh
people promised it to them they said oh
people promised it to them they said oh you’re so brilliant you’ll be this
you’re so brilliant you’ll be this
you’re so brilliant you’ll be this you’ll be that so they sat there and
you’ll be that so they sat there and
you’ll be that so they sat there and waited for that to happen but guess what
waited for that to happen but guess what
waited for that to happen but guess what it doesn’t work that way you actually
it doesn’t work that way you actually
it doesn’t work that way you actually have to do something
have to do something
have to do something also being talented became for them
also being talented became for them
also being talented became for them something that others had to do being
something that others had to do being
something that others had to do being talented became equated with not having
talented became equated with not having
talented became equated with not having to work hard like other people when the
to work hard like other people when the
to work hard like other people when the day finally arrived and it always does
day finally arrived and it always does
day finally arrived and it always does that they did have to work hard they
that they did have to work hard they
that they did have to work hard they weren’t able to do it it made them feel
weren’t able to do it it made them feel
weren’t able to do it it made them feel just the way they didn’t want to
just the way they didn’t want to
just the way they didn’t want to you now
you now
you now not long ago I spoke to the top athletes
not long ago I spoke to the top athletes
not long ago I spoke to the top athletes in a nearby country and they told me not
in a nearby country and they told me not
in a nearby country and they told me not one of them had been number one as a
one of them had been number one as a
one of them had been number one as a teenager the number ones were the
teenager the number ones were the
teenager the number ones were the Naturals they coasted on their natural
Naturals they coasted on their natural
Naturals they coasted on their natural effort natural ability and they were no
effort natural ability and they were no
effort natural ability and they were no longer there but the people I was
longer there but the people I was
longer there but the people I was speaking to the people who had been
speaking to the people who had been
speaking to the people who had been number 4 or 9 or 16 they knew they had
number 4 or 9 or 16 they knew they had
number 4 or 9 or 16 they knew they had to work hard to get where they wanted to
to work hard to get where they wanted to
to work hard to get where they wanted to go and they did it they were now the
go and they did it they were now the
go and they did it they were now the people going to the Olympics and the
people going to the Olympics and the
people going to the Olympics and the World Championships now this idea of
World Championships now this idea of
World Championships now this idea of effortless superiority or perfection is
effortless superiority or perfection is
effortless superiority or perfection is prevalent in our two cultures your
prevalent in our two cultures your
prevalent in our two cultures your former prime-minister
former prime-minister
former prime-minister H H Asquith once described Oxford men
H H Asquith once described Oxford men
H H Asquith once described Oxford men from his college as possessing quote the
from his college as possessing quote the
from his college as possessing quote the tranquil consciousness of an effortless
tranquil consciousness of an effortless
tranquil consciousness of an effortless superiority
and there is something rampant at my
and there is something rampant at my university Stanford University called
university Stanford University called
university Stanford University called duck syndrome
duck syndrome
duck syndrome what is duck syndrome well you know how
what is duck syndrome well you know how
what is duck syndrome well you know how Ducks appear to glide along the water FS
Ducks appear to glide along the water FS
Ducks appear to glide along the water FS effortlessly but they’re paddling madly
effortlessly but they’re paddling madly
effortlessly but they’re paddling madly underneath that’s Houston many Stanford
underneath that’s Houston many Stanford
underneath that’s Houston many Stanford students are and many students at elite
students are and many students at elite
students are and many students at elite institutions they look like they’re not
institutions they look like they’re not
institutions they look like they’re not working hard there they go to parties
working hard there they go to parties
working hard there they go to parties they have lots of other things but they
they have lots of other things but they
they have lots of other things but they are paddling madly they’re studying
are paddling madly they’re studying
are paddling madly they’re studying secretly so they will look smart one of
secretly so they will look smart one of
secretly so they will look smart one of my Crusades is to get rid of duck
my Crusades is to get rid of duck
my Crusades is to get rid of duck syndrome because it comes out of the
syndrome because it comes out of the
syndrome because it comes out of the fixed mindset belief that you’re only
fixed mindset belief that you’re only
fixed mindset belief that you’re only smart if you don’t have to apply effort
smart if you don’t have to apply effort
smart if you don’t have to apply effort every year I teach a Freshman Seminar to
every year I teach a Freshman Seminar to
every year I teach a Freshman Seminar to 16 Stanford freshmen and I have them do
16 Stanford freshmen and I have them do
16 Stanford freshmen and I have them do a paper on their hero and how their hero
a paper on their hero and how their hero
a paper on their hero and how their hero got to be where he or she got to
got to be where he or she got to
got to be where he or she got to originally many of them think oh these
originally many of them think oh these
originally many of them think oh these were just supremely talented beings
were just supremely talented beings
were just supremely talented beings geniuses or Naturals who floated
geniuses or Naturals who floated
geniuses or Naturals who floated effortlessly to these great heights not
effortlessly to these great heights not
effortlessly to these great heights not once has that been the case they see
once has that been the case they see
once has that been the case they see that these people they admire worked
that these people they admire worked
that these people they admire worked harder than anyone else
harder than anyone else
harder than anyone else often encountered seemingly and survived
often encountered seemingly and survived
often encountered seemingly and survived suitable setbacks and succeeded in
suitable setbacks and succeeded in
suitable setbacks and succeeded in surrounding them I think that’s much
surrounding them I think that’s much
surrounding them I think that’s much more admirable than being born with
more admirable than being born with
more admirable than being born with something that just propels you
something that just propels you
something that just propels you somewhere and I think we should make
somewhere and I think we should make
somewhere and I think we should make that the admirable thing throughout our
that the admirable thing throughout our
that the admirable thing throughout our culture so in a fixed mindset it’s not
culture so in a fixed mindset it’s not
culture so in a fixed mindset it’s not just perfection but effortless
just perfection but effortless
just perfection but effortless perfection good luck
third and finally in a fixed mindset
third and finally in a fixed mindset errors and setbacks are calamities hello
errors and setbacks are Clem it’s never
errors and setbacks are Clem it’s never too young actually to hear this
because as an aside and this is aimed at
because as an aside and this is aimed at you mom we published a study a few
you mom we published a study a few
you mom we published a study a few months ago showing that parents praise
months ago showing that parents praise
months ago showing that parents praise to their babies predict one to three
to their babies predict one to three
to their babies predict one to three years of age predict the child’s mindset
years of age predict the child’s mindset
years of age predict the child’s mindset and desire for challenge
and desire for challenge
and desire for challenge five years later mothers who gave their
five years later mothers who gave their
five years later mothers who gave their babies process praise about the process
babies process praise about the process
babies process praise about the process they’re engaging in good effort good
they’re engaging in good effort good
they’re engaging in good effort good trying good strategies had babies who
trying good strategies had babies who
trying good strategies had babies who had more of a growth mindset and more
had more of a growth mindset and more
had more of a growth mindset and more desire for challenge five years later so
desire for challenge five years later so
desire for challenge five years later so none of this you’re brilliant you’re
none of this you’re brilliant you’re
none of this you’re brilliant you’re great you’re genius now I feel qualified
great you’re genius now I feel qualified
great you’re genius now I feel qualified to intervene when I hear a mother in an
to intervene when I hear a mother in an
to intervene when I hear a mother in an airport telling her baby what a genius
airport telling her baby what a genius
airport telling her baby what a genius you are no no no
you are no no no
you are no no no oh so third and final in a fixed mindset
oh so third and final in a fixed mindset
oh so third and final in a fixed mindset errors are and setbacks are calamities
errors are and setbacks are calamities
errors are and setbacks are calamities they are the surest sign of incompetence
they are the surest sign of incompetence
they are the surest sign of incompetence or unworthiness and what we find is that
or unworthiness and what we find is that
or unworthiness and what we find is that people in a fixed mindset run from their
people in a fixed mindset run from their
people in a fixed mindset run from their errors or hide their errors in a study
errors or hide their errors in a study
errors or hide their errors in a study with David Nussbaum we gave engineering
with David Nussbaum we gave engineering
with David Nussbaum we gave engineering students three short engineering tests
students three short engineering tests
students three short engineering tests tests we said or tests of engineering
tests we said or tests of engineering
tests we said or tests of engineering aptitude they did really well on two of
aptitude they did really well on two of
aptitude they did really well on two of the tests but poorly on the third and
the tests but poorly on the third and
the tests but poorly on the third and then we said hey which one do you want
then we said hey which one do you want
then we said hey which one do you want to take a tutorial in and then redo the
to take a tutorial in and then redo the
to take a tutorial in and then redo the test and at the end we’ll give you a
test and at the end we’ll give you a
test and at the end we’ll give you a certificate with your score on this last
certificate with your score on this last
certificate with your score on this last test on the certificate those were the
test on the certificate those were the
test on the certificate those were the growth mindset overwhelmingly chose to
growth mindset overwhelmingly chose to
growth mindset overwhelmingly chose to take a tutorial in the on the exam that
take a tutorial in the on the exam that
take a tutorial in the on the exam that they didn’t do so well in that makes
they didn’t do so well in that makes
they didn’t do so well in that makes sense but those with a fixed mindset
sense but those with a fixed mindset
sense but those with a fixed mindset overwhelmingly chose to take a DES to
overwhelmingly chose to take a DES to
overwhelmingly chose to take a DES to Tory ‘el in something they were already
Tory ‘el in something they were already
Tory ‘el in something they were already perfect they didn’t want to risk having
perfect they didn’t want to risk having
perfect they didn’t want to risk having a less than or perfect score and
a less than or perfect score and
a less than or perfect score and blazoned on our certificate you can see
blazoned on our certificate you can see
blazoned on our certificate you can see how this fear of errors closes people
how this fear of errors closes people
how this fear of errors closes people off to learning and growth do you want
off to learning and growth do you want
off to learning and growth do you want to know what happens in the brain when
to know what happens in the brain when
to know what happens in the brain when people encounter errors it depends on
people encounter errors it depends on
people encounter errors it depends on your mindset Jason Moser and his
your mindset Jason Moser and his
your mindset Jason Moser and his colleagues measured the electrical
colleagues measured the electrical
colleagues measured the electrical impulses from the part of the brain that
impulses from the part of the brain that
impulses from the part of the brain that deals with errors as people worked on a
deals with errors as people worked on a
deals with errors as people worked on a task and occasionally made errors when
task and occasionally made errors when
task and occasionally made errors when you look at the pictures of the brains
you look at the pictures of the brains
you look at the pictures of the brains of people with a growth mindset while
of people with a growth mindset while
of people with a growth mindset while they’re making the errors that part of
they’re making the errors that part of
they’re making the errors that part of the brain the anterior cingulate cortex
the brain the anterior cingulate cortex
the brain the anterior cingulate cortex is red hot
is red hot
is red hot they are detecting their error
they are detecting their error
they are detecting their error processing the error and correcting it
processing the error and correcting it
processing the error and correcting it detecting processing correcting they are
detecting processing correcting they are
detecting processing correcting they are glomming onto it and extracting
glomming onto it and extracting
glomming onto it and extracting everything they can from it but when we
everything they can from it but when we
everything they can from it but when we looked when they looked at the brains of
looked when they looked at the brains of
looked when they looked at the brains of people in a fixed mindset as they
people in a fixed mindset as they
people in a fixed mindset as they encountered the errors nothing happened
encountered the errors nothing happened
encountered the errors nothing happened that brain was a deep green cold they
that brain was a deep green cold they
that brain was a deep green cold they did not process or correct the errors
did not process or correct the errors
did not process or correct the errors they ran from the errors as quickly as
they ran from the errors as quickly as
they ran from the errors as quickly as possible oh that didn’t happen to me
possible oh that didn’t happen to me
possible oh that didn’t happen to me next and again you can see how not
next and again you can see how not
next and again you can see how not attending to your errors not processing
attending to your errors not processing
attending to your errors not processing them Rob’s you of valuable information
them Rob’s you of valuable information
them Rob’s you of valuable information that you need to learn grow and succeed
no wonder because of what errors mean
no wonder because of what errors mean errors are deeply diagnostic
errors are deeply diagnostic
errors are deeply diagnostic their ability now wonder we find that
their ability now wonder we find that
their ability now wonder we find that people students in a fixed mindset say
people students in a fixed mindset say
people students in a fixed mindset say after poor score on an exam they
after poor score on an exam they
after poor score on an exam they consider cheating next time the poor
consider cheating next time the poor
consider cheating next time the poor score meant they weren’t good at it they
score meant they weren’t good at it they
score meant they weren’t good at it they don’t like effort they don’t believe in
don’t like effort they don’t believe in
don’t like effort they don’t believe in effort cheating becomes a viable option
effort cheating becomes a viable option
effort cheating becomes a viable option or in some studies we’ve found they lie
or in some studies we’ve found they lie
or in some studies we’ve found they lie about a poor score when they have the
about a poor score when they have the
about a poor score when they have the opportunity it’s as though admitting
opportunity it’s as though admitting
opportunity it’s as though admitting imperfection makes it real and that
imperfection makes it real and that
imperfection makes it real and that imperfection in a fixed mindset is
imperfection in a fixed mindset is
imperfection in a fixed mindset is permanent in my book mindset I write
permanent in my book mindset I write
permanent in my book mindset I write write about the tragic cases of two
write about the tragic cases of two
write about the tragic cases of two young people
young people
young people Janet Cooke and Stephen glass whose
Janet Cooke and Stephen glass whose
Janet Cooke and Stephen glass whose lives were completely derailed they were
lives were completely derailed they were
lives were completely derailed they were both young journalists who skyrocketed
both young journalists who skyrocketed
both young journalists who skyrocketed to the top but unfabulous Janet Cooke
to the top but unfabulous Janet Cooke
to the top but unfabulous Janet Cooke actually won a Pulitzer Prize for her
actually won a Pulitzer Prize for her
actually won a Pulitzer Prize for her Washington Post article about an
Washington Post article about an
Washington Post article about an eight-year-old boy who was a drug addict
eight-year-old boy who was a drug addict
eight-year-old boy who was a drug addict the boy did not exist and she was later
the boy did not exist and she was later
the boy did not exist and she was later stripped of her prize Stephen glass was
stripped of her prize Stephen glass was
stripped of her prize Stephen glass was the whiz kid of the New Republic
the whiz kid of the New Republic
the whiz kid of the New Republic magazine he seemed to have stories and
magazine he seemed to have stories and
magazine he seemed to have stories and sources that other reporters only
sources that other reporters only
sources that other reporters only dreamed of the problem was he dreamt it
dreamed of the problem was he dreamt it
dreamed of the problem was he dreamt it all up the sources didn’t exist the
all up the sources didn’t exist the
all up the sources didn’t exist the stories weren’t true did Janet cook and
stories weren’t true did Janet cook and
stories weren’t true did Janet cook and Stephen glass feel that admitting
Stephen glass feel that admitting
Stephen glass feel that admitting ignorance would discredit them with
ignorance would discredit them with
ignorance would discredit them with their colleagues did they feel they
their colleagues did they feel they
their colleagues did they feel they should already be like the big
should already be like the big
should already be like the big expert reporters before they did the
expert reporters before they did the
expert reporters before they did the hard work of learning how Stephen glass
hard work of learning how Stephen glass
hard work of learning how Stephen glass said we were the stars precocious stars
said we were the stars precocious stars
said we were the stars precocious stars and that was what mattered the public
and that was what mattered the public
and that was what mattered the public understands them as cheats and cheat
understands them as cheats and cheat
understands them as cheats and cheat they did but I understand them as
they did but I understand them as
they did but I understand them as talented young people who succumbed to
talented young people who succumbed to
talented young people who succumbed to the pressures of a fixed mindset who
the pressures of a fixed mindset who
the pressures of a fixed mindset who felt they had to be perfect there was a
felt they had to be perfect there was a
felt they had to be perfect there was a saying in the 60s that went like this
saying in the 60s that went like this
saying in the 60s that went like this the 1960s of becoming becoming is better
the 1960s of becoming becoming is better
the 1960s of becoming becoming is better than being the fixed mindset doesn’t
than being the fixed mindset doesn’t
than being the fixed mindset doesn’t allow people the luxury of becoming they
allow people the luxury of becoming they
allow people the luxury of becoming they already have to be and be perfect the
already have to be and be perfect the
already have to be and be perfect the good news as we were told at the
good news as we were told at the
good news as we were told at the beginning is that a growth mindset can
beginning is that a growth mindset can
beginning is that a growth mindset can be taught and it can be taught at any
be taught and it can be taught at any
be taught and it can be taught at any age it can be taught to little kids
age it can be taught to little kids
age it can be taught to little kids and in fact parents tell me often I got
and in fact parents tell me often I got
and in fact parents tell me often I got a an email from an executive that Apple
a an email from an executive that Apple
a an email from an executive that Apple not long ago he said his four and a half
not long ago he said his four and a half
not long ago he said his four and a half year old son was taking piano lessons
year old son was taking piano lessons
year old son was taking piano lessons and was struggling through his practice
and was struggling through his practice
and was struggling through his practice the good dad started marching over
the good dad started marching over
the good dad started marching over whereupon the son turned around
whereupon the son turned around
whereupon the son turned around said don’t worry dad I have a growth
said don’t worry dad I have a growth
said don’t worry dad I have a growth mindset many parents tell me their
mindset many parents tell me their
mindset many parents tell me their three-year-olds will say good effort
three-year-olds will say good effort
three-year-olds will say good effort mommy or good try daddy maybe you can
mommy or good try daddy maybe you can
mommy or good try daddy maybe you can try another way my former student Jason
try another way my former student Jason
try another way my former student Jason Flags is now doing studies with elderly
Flags is now doing studies with elderly
Flags is now doing studies with elderly individuals showing that teaching a
individuals showing that teaching a
individuals showing that teaching a growth mindset improves their memory
growth mindset improves their memory
growth mindset improves their memory performance in our studies where we
performance in our studies where we
performance in our studies where we teach a growth mindset we teach people
teach a growth mindset we teach people
teach a growth mindset we teach people that every time they push out of their
that every time they push out of their
that every time they push out of their comfort zone work on something really
comfort zone work on something really
comfort zone work on something really hard and learn something new their
hard and learn something new their
hard and learn something new their brains form new connections and over
brains form new connections and over
brains form new connections and over time they can get smarter this is a
time they can get smarter this is a
time they can get smarter this is a thrilling message we’ll never forget the
thrilling message we’ll never forget the
thrilling message we’ll never forget the one boy in one of our studies a teenage
one boy in one of our studies a teenage
one boy in one of our studies a teenage boy in one of our workshops he was an
boy in one of our workshops he was an
boy in one of our workshops he was an aide of our existence
aide of our existence
aide of our existence he was always cutting up with his
he was always cutting up with his
he was always cutting up with his friends being disruptive he seemed
friends being disruptive he seemed
friends being disruptive he seemed uninterested in our pearls of wisdom but
uninterested in our pearls of wisdom but
uninterested in our pearls of wisdom but when we started teaching the growth
when we started teaching the growth
when we started teaching the growth mindset and how you can grow your brain
mindset and how you can grow your brain
mindset and how you can grow your brain like a muscle he sat down shoot his
like a muscle he sat down shoot his
like a muscle he sat down shoot his friends away and said you mean I don’t
friends away and said you mean I don’t
friends away and said you mean I don’t have to be dumb and he caught fire as
have to be dumb and he caught fire as
have to be dumb and he caught fire as have many students learning the growth
have many students learning the growth
have many students learning the growth mindset but the amazing thing is that it
mindset but the amazing thing is that it
mindset but the amazing thing is that it completely learning this growth
completely learning this growth
completely learning this growth I’m set and this completely transforms
I’m set and this completely transforms
I’m set and this completely transforms the meaning of effort and difficulty in
the meaning of effort and difficulty in
the meaning of effort and difficulty in a fixed mindset effort and difficulty
a fixed mindset effort and difficulty
a fixed mindset effort and difficulty people say make you feel dumb
people say make you feel dumb
people say make you feel dumb incompetent inadequate but in a growth
incompetent inadequate but in a growth
incompetent inadequate but in a growth mindset we learn that when we’re
mindset we learn that when we’re
mindset we learn that when we’re struggling with effort and difficulty
struggling with effort and difficulty
struggling with effort and difficulty that’s when we’re getting smarter that’s
that’s when we’re getting smarter that’s
that’s when we’re getting smarter that’s when the brain is forming new
when the brain is forming new
when the brain is forming new connections and making us more competent
connections and making us more competent
connections and making us more competent can you feel that difference I’m on a
can you feel that difference I’m on a
can you feel that difference I’m on a worldwide crusade now to change our
worldwide crusade now to change our
worldwide crusade now to change our value system away from effortless
value system away from effortless
value system away from effortless success as the ultimate and toward
success as the ultimate and toward
success as the ultimate and toward effortful success as the ultimate not
effortful success as the ultimate not
effortful success as the ultimate not long ago someone from another country
long ago someone from another country
long ago someone from another country said to me in your culture struggle is a
said to me in your culture struggle is a
said to me in your culture struggle is a bad word I said you know you’re right
bad word I said you know you’re right
bad word I said you know you’re right rarely do you come home at the end of
rarely do you come home at the end of
rarely do you come home at the end of the day and say honey I’ve had a
the day and say honey I’ve had a
the day and say honey I’ve had a fabulous struggle now usually you’re
fabulous struggle now usually you’re
fabulous struggle now usually you’re crawling in the door dragging yourself
crawling in the door dragging yourself
crawling in the door dragging yourself over the threshold may be in need of
over the threshold may be in need of
over the threshold may be in need of some form of libation but why shouldn’t
some form of libation but why shouldn’t
some form of libation but why shouldn’t we Revere struggle it means we’ve worked
we Revere struggle it means we’ve worked
we Revere struggle it means we’ve worked hard towards something we value why
hard towards something we value why
hard towards something we value why shouldn’t we sit around the dinner table
shouldn’t we sit around the dinner table
shouldn’t we sit around the dinner table and say who had a fabulous struggle
and say who had a fabulous struggle
and say who had a fabulous struggle today and each person goes around and
today and each person goes around and
today and each person goes around and shares what they’ve struggled with what
shares what they’ve struggled with what
shares what they’ve struggled with what are you going to struggle with tomorrow
are you going to struggle with tomorrow
are you going to struggle with tomorrow that is the greatest gift that we can
that is the greatest gift that we can
that is the greatest gift that we can give ourselves
give ourselves
give ourselves and others that value system that says
and others that value system that says
and others that value system that says struggle that’s when you grow the
struggle that’s when you grow the
struggle that’s when you grow the neurons struggle that’s when you’re
neurons struggle that’s when you’re
neurons struggle that’s when you’re doing something important so instead of
doing something important so instead of
doing something important so instead of praising each other when you do
praising each other when you do
praising each other when you do something easily quickly without
something easily quickly without
something easily quickly without mistakes no because that means hey if
mistakes no because that means hey if
mistakes no because that means hey if you didn’t do it quickly easily without
you didn’t do it quickly easily without
you didn’t do it quickly easily without mistakes
mistakes
mistakes you wouldn’t be praiseworthy we should
you wouldn’t be praiseworthy we should
you wouldn’t be praiseworthy we should say Oh easy that’s a waste of time
say Oh easy that’s a waste of time
say Oh easy that’s a waste of time something hard
something hard
something hard now that’s juicy that’s something you
now that’s juicy that’s something you
now that’s juicy that’s something you can sink your teeth into something you
can sink your teeth into something you
can sink your teeth into something you can learn from something worthwhile I
can learn from something worthwhile I
can learn from something worthwhile I fear that in our eagerness to instill
fear that in our eagerness to instill
fear that in our eagerness to instill confidence in the younger generations
confidence in the younger generations
confidence in the younger generations and in each other we’re praising the
and in each other we’re praising the
and in each other we’re praising the wrong things our work shows that
wrong things our work shows that
wrong things our work shows that praising easy praising brilliance no
praising easy praising brilliance no
praising easy praising brilliance no let’s get that value system where
let’s get that value system where
let’s get that value system where difficult things where you struggle make
difficult things where you struggle make
difficult things where you struggle make mistakes flounder that’s when it happens
mistakes flounder that’s when it happens
mistakes flounder that’s when it happens that’s the zone of getting smarter so
that’s the zone of getting smarter so
that’s the zone of getting smarter so what about me am i still perfect no not
what about me am i still perfect no not
what about me am i still perfect no not by a long shot I pursue high standards
by a long shot I pursue high standards
by a long shot I pursue high standards but shouldn’t we get rid of that word
but shouldn’t we get rid of that word
but shouldn’t we get rid of that word perfect it has tormented so many
perfect it has tormented so many
perfect it has tormented so many talented people and doomed them to
talented people and doomed them to
talented people and doomed them to oblivion being a work in progress isn’t
oblivion being a work in progress isn’t
oblivion being a work in progress isn’t that better than perfect setting high
that better than perfect setting high
that better than perfect setting high standards striving to learn working
standards striving to learn working
standards striving to learn working struggling toward hard things we value
struggling toward hard things we value
struggling toward hard things we value failing and bouncing back isn’t that
failing and bouncing back isn’t that
failing and bouncing back isn’t that better than
better than
better than perfect can we find another word that’s
perfect can we find another word that’s
perfect can we find another word that’s better than perfect growth growth ISM
better than perfect growth growth ISM
better than perfect growth growth ISM growth eNOS what is the highest
growth eNOS what is the highest
growth eNOS what is the highest compliment were boy you have such
compliment were boy you have such
compliment were boy you have such wonderful growth eNOS well okay so
wonderful growth eNOS well okay so
wonderful growth eNOS well okay so that’s a work in progress too but if you
that’s a work in progress too but if you
that’s a work in progress too but if you can think of a good word all suggestions
can think of a good word all suggestions
can think of a good word all suggestions are welcome I want to return one final
are welcome I want to return one final
are welcome I want to return one final time to Pam Scott’s survey of people
time to Pam Scott’s survey of people
time to Pam Scott’s survey of people where she asked them am i a
where she asked them am i a
where she asked them am i a perfectionist and one of them said the
perfectionist and one of them said the
perfectionist and one of them said the thing that is really hard and really
thing that is really hard and really
thing that is really hard and really amazing is giving up on being perfect
amazing is giving up on being perfect
amazing is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming
and beginning the work of becoming
and beginning the work of becoming myself I agree by giving up the idea of
myself I agree by giving up the idea of
myself I agree by giving up the idea of perfection we can start a life long
perfection we can start a life long
perfection we can start a life long wondrous ever rewarding journey to
wondrous ever rewarding journey to
wondrous ever rewarding journey to becoming ourselves thank you
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