Being a good listener is one of the most important and fascinating skills in life
Which anyone can own, yet few of us know how to do it.
Not because we are evil, but because no one has taught us how to do it
Most importantly, no one listened to us
Because we come to this social life with greed to talk rather than to listen.
They are hungry to meet others, but we are reluctant to listen to them
Friendship is born of social selfishness.
Like most things, it’s about education: our civilization is full of great books about how to talk.
Cicero “Public Speaking” and Aristotle “The Art of Public Speaking” two of the greats of the ancient world
But unfortunately no one has ever written a book entitled “Listener”.
A set of things done by a good listener will be very nice to spend time with their partners.
First, they encourage us to move forward
It’s hard to know our minds, we often worry about something
But we do not know what really bothers us.
We take great advantage of the clarifying impulse that takes us through the details, to push us a little further
We need a person who somehow starts himself simply to say these two charming words:
“Follow”
Remember your brothers, they want to know more and what is the emotional relationship, for example in childhood,
And how they have changed over time, they are curious when it comes to our worries and emotions.
They ask questions such as “Why did you bother yourself specifically about this?”
“Why is this so important?”
They keep our history in their memories, because they may refer to something we have said before
We feel that they are building a deep engagement base
Second, a good listener motivates clarification.
It is easy to say ambiguous things, simply point out that something is beautiful or terrible, cute or annoying,
But we can not really discover that we did not feel this way.
A friend who listens to us often has productive and friendly complaints
In some of our first expressions and after the deepest positions look to the background of things.
They take things we say like “I’m fed up with my job” or “My partner and I have a lot of trouble”
They help us to focus on the fact about the job we do not like or about the disorder.
They listen and seek to clarify the problems mentioned.
They do not view the talks as a brief exchange
They reconnect the conversation held near the pizza shop with Socrates’ philosophy of ambition
Dialogues are records of his quest to help his Athenian followers to better understand their ideas and values.
Third, good listeners are not tried,
The good listener realizes exactly how much we are all crazy
They know their minds sufficiently and should not be surprised or scared about it
They are also adept at making their voices sound positive
The strategy of “mmmmmmmmmmmmm ..” refers gently to empathy
Without snooping on what we are trying to say.
They give us the impression that they understand and accept our mistakes, they reassure us that they will not tear our dignity.
The most disturbing thing in a competitive world is that we feel that we can not be honest about the extent of our devastation,
To say that someone feels a failure may mean that he is outcast
But good listeners of early signals clearly do not look at us on these terms.
Our weakness is something we are relieved of rather than intimidated by.
In conclusion, good listeners distinguish differences of opinion from criticism
There is a great tendency to feel that there is a difference of opinion in hostile expressions
It is sometimes clear that this is honesty.
But a good listener makes it clear that you can admire you and at the same time believe you are wrong.
They extend your admiration for you without relying on compatibility
They are acutely aware that the really beautiful person can be disoriented and need some dislocation.
When we are with people who listen well, we will have a very pleasant and powerful experience
But often do not really realize who is this person who does it gently.
Through strategic attention we can learn the nice feeling and feel others by it, who in turn will notice, hear and return beautiful.
Listen deserves discovery as one of the keys to good society.
Translation: team translate @ autrjim
Which anyone can own, yet few of us know how to do it.
Not because we are evil, but because no one has taught us how to do it
Most importantly, no one listened to us
Because we come to this social life with greed to talk rather than to listen.
They are hungry to meet others, but we are reluctant to listen to them
Friendship is born of social selfishness.
Like most things, it’s about education: our civilization is full of great books about how to talk.
Cicero “Public Speaking” and Aristotle “The Art of Public Speaking” two of the greats of the ancient world
But unfortunately no one has ever written a book entitled “Listener”.
A set of things done by a good listener will be very nice to spend time with their partners.
First, they encourage us to move forward
It’s hard to know our minds, we often worry about something
But we do not know what really bothers us.
We take great advantage of the clarifying impulse that takes us through the details, to push us a little further
We need a person who somehow starts himself simply to say these two charming words:
“Follow”
Remember your brothers, they want to know more and what is the emotional relationship, for example in childhood,
And how they have changed over time, they are curious when it comes to our worries and emotions.
They ask questions such as “Why did you bother yourself specifically about this?”
“Why is this so important?”
They keep our history in their memories, because they may refer to something we have said before
We feel that they are building a deep engagement base
Second, a good listener motivates clarification.
It is easy to say ambiguous things, simply point out that something is beautiful or terrible, cute or annoying,
But we can not really discover that we did not feel this way.
A friend who listens to us often has productive and friendly complaints
In some of our first expressions and after the deepest positions look to the background of things.
They take things we say like “I’m fed up with my job” or “My partner and I have a lot of trouble”
They help us to focus on the fact about the job we do not like or about the disorder.
They listen and seek to clarify the problems mentioned.
They do not view the talks as a brief exchange
They reconnect the conversation held near the pizza shop with Socrates’ philosophy of ambition
Dialogues are records of his quest to help his Athenian followers to better understand their ideas and values.
Third, good listeners are not tried,
The good listener realizes exactly how much we are all crazy
They know their minds sufficiently and should not be surprised or scared about it
They are also adept at making their voices sound positive
The strategy of “mmmmmmmmmmmmm ..” refers gently to empathy
Without snooping on what we are trying to say.
They give us the impression that they understand and accept our mistakes, they reassure us that they will not tear our dignity.
The most disturbing thing in a competitive world is that we feel that we can not be honest about the extent of our devastation,
To say that someone feels a failure may mean that he is outcast
But good listeners of early signals clearly do not look at us on these terms.
Our weakness is something we are relieved of rather than intimidated by.
In conclusion, good listeners distinguish differences of opinion from criticism
There is a great tendency to feel that there is a difference of opinion in hostile expressions
It is sometimes clear that this is honesty.
But a good listener makes it clear that you can admire you and at the same time believe you are wrong.
They extend your admiration for you without relying on compatibility
They are acutely aware that the really beautiful person can be disoriented and need some dislocation.
When we are with people who listen well, we will have a very pleasant and powerful experience
But often do not really realize who is this person who does it gently.
Through strategic attention we can learn the nice feeling and feel others by it, who in turn will notice, hear and return beautiful.
Listen deserves discovery as one of the keys to good society.
Translation: team translate @ autrjim
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