that is making you unhappy but you’re
keeping it around because the people
around you like friends and family keep
telling you that it is valuable
then you urgently need to tell those
people to stop telling you that or if
that is not possible you need to stop
spending time with them that is the
topic of amusing that I would like to
make today I am mpj and you are watching
fun fun function very tired today I I
have a feeling that this episode is
going to be a little a little bit sleepy
I hope that’s okay
two years back and made a video titled
loosing motivation you can find it by
clicking there and a few days ago I got
a comment on it that touch me oh my god
I got pretty emotional about it and I
would like to read it to you I guess
nobody reads comments so much time after
a video release but I kind of work with
something I used to like very much but I
lost my motivation interest at some
point I can’t really remember when but I
guess I can remember why I guess someday
a poor brain abusive boss I had was
pushing me so much for no reason I could
understand that I thought I would just
get and go away rationally thinking I
could do that I had some money to live
for some reasonable time without
affecting my life so much but but then I
thought well I have my plans which are
not urgent but will not complete by
themselves without money coming in and
that felt heavier than I thought it
would later talking to my family they
pointed out I work in a very recognized
company and that was some status I could
lose and I actually didn’t didn’t don’t
care but as I talk to people I realized
that they felt that was important and
maybe they were judging me so this
status thing started to get heavier to
unemployed status would now feel like a
very bad thing only those lazy jerks in
school would feel comfortable with I
mean I started other projects and this
helps me keep holding on because I have
an extra option to feel realised and
competent I feel I’m losing my time from
7:00 to 7:00 every workday 77 that’s
that’s long workdays I would rather be
at home getting more prepared for a
bigger harder challenge which I actually
feel I could face if I get some time to
be prepared about my other 12 hours I
take a couple for home stuff 6 for sleep
2 hours for commuting which leaves me
with 2 hours free everyday which I know
should use it better but I feel so tired
and so frustrated that I can’t really
make it useful
then there are weekends which I have my
personal projects and family stuff to do
when I see it’s already Monday and I
feel very very sad that I can’t get more
out of what I do the saddest part is
that I I know that I should leave my job
but I fear the consequences and the
risks not only for myself but for my
plans and my family I don’t blame my
company for paying me to do my job but I
also think that my payment over as
overthrown my pleasure or coding I guess
it’s that adult thing that we see our
parents sad with and we can’t really
understand why and until it happens to
us and oh I found this common to be
really heartbreaking I won’t spend this
video on giving you the commenter
specific advice because I think that I I
don’t know you and if you reach down
into yourself you know yourself a lot
better than I and you probably know
what to do about your situation if you
really just think about it that said I’m
going to spend this video talking about
two things first I’m going to encourage
you to curate your social circle a
little bit because you need to get rid
of some people in your social circle or
get them to behave in a different manner
the second thing is that I I want to
spend some time instilling a sense of
urgency in you about this situation that
this is actually a problem that you need
to start dealing with right now because
your situation is very likely to get
worse over time so let’s first talk
about the fact that you have people in
your life that are encouraging you to
stay at a job that you don’t find
rewarding when you have people in your
life that are doing this you you really
need to ask them to stop doing that and
if they don’t respect that ask then you
need to start spending less time with
them perhaps not at all I totally
recognize that that is a lot easier said
than done
it’s it’s easier if it’s acquaintances
and friends but a lot harder if it’s
family especially depending on your
culture and if it’s if it’s a spouse
that’s even trickier but just know that
this this is important and you need to
figure this out
so hopefully you can work it out with
them but it might it’s also good to
recognize that you do have more control
in the situation and you might not think
like people do break up contact with the
close family members all the time and
a 40% of marriages do end in divorce
again hopefully you don’t have to break
up with anyone hopefully they will
listen to you and respect your ask but
if they don’t you do have options people
do this all the time I know that this
might sound a bit extreme but I think
that this is super important because you
will be bound by the values that are
expressed by the people that you
surround yourself with and if those
values are not in line with what you the
values that you have internally so to
speak then these people might very well
be slowly killing you and that’s a big
thing to say but let me explain my
reasoning the people that you spend a
lot of time with so do you know friends
family coworkers life partners these
people will dictate or or at least very
heavily influence how you live your life
as humans when we talk and interact with
each other
we constantly express values to each
other if you pay attention to yourself
when you’re having a dialogue or talking
with another human being you will notice
that there is a lot of this going on we
chat about things that we care about in
order to figure out what is important to
the people around us and it makes a lot
of sense that we do this because we want
to behave in a way that makes us
valuable and important to the people
around us we want to be needed and we
want
to be liked so if most people around you
express that they value highly the
position that you hold in a company like
this prestigious job you are your
behavior is eventually going to fall in
line with that whether you want it or
not what I want to drive home here is
that you can’t resist or ignore this
pressure I mean you can to a certain
degree if for instance let’s say that
you have family dinners once or twice a
year then sure you can just brush that
off but if you have the people
expressing this constantly in all social
circles you move in then it’s eventually
going to get to you sooner or later
you’re going to start behaving according
to them and this of course isn’t bad on
its own it’s great that we keep the
needs of other people in mind and behave
accordingly but if these values are not
in line with your own internal values
they are not really compatible then we
have a problem because it’s it’s going
to wear on you and if these values are
something that you are exposed to at at
say work like a huge chunk of your time
on a daily basis then that is going to
grind you down you’re going to break I
actually made a video on that specific
topic that you can find by clicking
there I also want to stress that I’m not
suggesting here that work should be
entertaining to you or something like
that
I am totally of the opinion that a job
is fundamentally about being of service
to other people that’s what a job is a
job is not supposed to function like a
computer game or or a book or a hobby
those are there to entertain and service
you but but but a job needs to give you
a couple of things besides money in
order for you to feel good about it what
those things are is a completely
different topic and I won’t dive into
that in this video
according to self-determination theory
they are competence autonomy and
relatedness you can check out a video
about self-determination theory there
it’s really really interesting a tricky
thing is that the people around you that
are expressing that you should keep your
prestigious job
they mean very well like that’s
well-intentioned of them they want to
keep you safe but it is still very
important that you get them to stop
doing this because what they are in
practice doing is jailing you into a
situation that is slowly poisoning you
possibly if the situation is bad even to
death I don’t talk too much about my
personal life and this this channel but
in my teens I had a very close family
member of mine commit suicide one of the
particularly many ways it has affected
me is that I am very aware that
depression is a deadly disease it is not
uncommon that a depression kills you so
the way I approach mood is that if I
have a longer period in my life where
I’m when that I’m not feeling good about
it is is very urgent that I deal with
that that is not something that you can
procrastinate on fixing your depression
is it’s not something that you can wade
out or put off I personally feel like we
as a culture over trivialize the problem
of feeling unhappy at work the way I
personally see it and I’ll almost all of
the stuff in this video it is my
personal opinion so keep
is that if you are unhappy at work for a
long time that is going to lead to
depression because your job that’s just
too big a chunk of your time and that
depression if left untreated might very
well kill you so these people around you
that are encouraging you to keep your
prestigious job they do mean well
they’re not sinister they want to keep
you safe the way they view it is that if
you have a good job you can pay your
bills you you can buy food you’re not
going to be living on the street and
this is why it’s so hard to ask them to
stop or to stop spending time with them
if that doesn’t work because you know
that they mean well but you still you
still really need to do that because a
well-paying and prestigious job is worth
absolutely nothing if that job is slowly
melting your mind that’s my thoughts on
that I hope it was useful to someone if
you have any thoughts on this you can
write a comment down below
or if you’re a patron you can check out
this dedicated discussion thread for
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I am mpj until next Monday morning stay curious