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“You NEED to Pay Attention to ENERGY!” | Mel Robbins (@melrobbins)


everyone talks about passion legacy
purpose yeah yeah the one word to pay
attention to his energy if it’s hard to
be around people you’re with the wrong
group of people do you use a phone or a
computer to make money or to improve
your life need motivation watch top ten
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nation it 7 I believe in you and this
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in today’s lessons from a woman who went
from struggling in her career and almost
going bankrupt to becoming a
best-selling author and one of the most
sought-after speakers in the world she’s
Mel Robbins and here’s my take on her
top ten roses success vol 8 enjoy also
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if you didn’t give what anybody else
thought what’s the thing you would love
to be doing with your life I know that
everybody’s problem comes down to one
pattern you’re repeating that you can’t
see when you have an intention on
something that you want to change about
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one
chase energy I think you should chase
what energizes you everyone talks about
passion legacy purpose yeah yeah the one
word to pay attention to his energy I
love that that’s it let’s simplify this
okay so whatever energizes you naturally
expands you feels like possibility is
exciting to do it may be scary that
doesn’t matter
it has to do with how it makes you feel
right when you were in your 20s money
made you feel good it expanded you it
energized you chasing the money that was
the game that was your passion that was
your proof there’s nothing wrong with
that
nothing wrong with that and I
particularly want to say that to the
women that are well yeah because it is
socialized into women not to chase
success like that not to go after the
money and so if what energizes you is
amassing wealth go for it but what
happened and and the reason why I say
that is because people talk about the
word passion yeah or purpose right and
the truth is it’s not a person place or
a thing it’s not it is the feeling
of being expanded and energized great if
you’re pursuing your passion it means
that you wake up every day and are
energized so instead of trying to think
what’s my purpose what’s my passion was
my purpose what’s my passion right oh
god yeah instead of thinking like that I
want you instead to ask yourself what’s
what could I do today that would
energize me what energizes me if it’s
making money
figure out how to make money if it is
making a difference figure out how to
make a difference it could be in any
single shape or form but if it energizes
you that’s what you need to follow and
what happens is that passion also
because it’s energy it dissipates over
time because when you first start making
money it’s thrilling yeah thrilling
there is nothing more exhilarating than
making your first million yeah nothing
more exhilarating but what happens is
once you learn how to do something once
you can do it over and over again and so
it starts to become routine yeah which
means it’s no longer energizing right
which is why every entrepreneur out
there goes through the mode of chasing
the money and then you hit the money
that you need to make then you’re like
I’m not fulfilled yeah finally I you
know I did that yes yeah and it’s
because you were energized by the money
and now you’re not yeah now you got to
be energized by the next thing remember
to see your friends more it turns out
that one of the best stress relievers on
the planet is something that most of us
don’t ever do and that is seek out time
with friends when we feel totally
stressed out when you’re doing twice as
much work as you normally do or you’re
feeling twice as much stress as you
normally feel studies at Harvard show
that what you need is you need to see
your friends twice as much now Sean
anchor is a really famous researcher and
best-selling author at Harvard and he
studied this phenomenon he looked at at
people that were stressed at schools and
in call centers and in the military and
in banks and in almost every single
industry what he discovered is that the
most successful people the people that
were the best at selling the people that
there were the most resilient the people
that had the best ability to deal with
stress when times got tough were the
ones that saw their friends the most it
was the people with the tightest social
connections that had the ability to
weather the storms that life throw at us
I want you to write down three people
three people that when you hang out with
them you
you’ll energized that when you have
plans with them you’re excited about
seeing them when this video ends reach
out to them
that’s right pick up the phone send them
a text I want you to invite them to do
something go out to lunch go for a walk
in the woods get a cup of coffee go out
to dinner even if you’re not stressed
out I guarantee you at least one of the
three people that you’re gonna reach out
to needs you rule number three be with
the right group of people be interested
in what you’re really interested in or
the easier route honestly dropped the
popular kids and find your people you
need to find your people and your people
are the kind of people that the second
you hang out with them you don’t feel
like less of yourself you feel like more
of yourself you don’t feel like you got
to hide or be somebody else you feel
like you want to express yourself and
show up and be more of yourself that’s
the indication that you have found your
people rule number four change your
story well you want to know the secret
the secret to helping any human being
it’s actually really simple the secret
is to ask somebody where they’re in
conflict internally like what are the
things that trigger you what are the
things that you complain about what are
the things that you’re afraid of that
internal conflict holds the secret to
solving everything and becoming a better
person and all you have to ask yourself
or ask somebody if you’re coaching them
is what happened to you
now what’s wrong with you but what
happened to you that you believe you
don’t matter what happened to you that
you believe that you’re not good enough
what happened to you that you believe
that you’re not worthy or that you won’t
be a success right and everybody has a
story and here’s the interesting thing
you don’t have to find the first one
because what happens in life is
something happens to you whether you are
a victim of abuse or you simply are in a
classroom and you raise your hand and
you say the wrong answer in math class
and everybody laughs and then you’re
like oh my new strategy is I don’t talk
in class my new strategy is I’m
introverted and shy
that’s my new strategy because I’m going
to protect myself
and it works it works because you don’t
raise your hand and then nobody laughs
at you but over time you start to feel
that sense of like I there’s something
more why am I not talking why is and so
you start to have a conflict with that
strategy and so the thing that you’ll
see is that human beings repeat behavior
so if you ask somebody what happened to
you
that made you start to doubt yourself
they’ll start to find ten or twelve or
twenty examples of it because it’s
everywhere and when you finally start to
address what happened you can now have
the self-awareness to create a new story
to start a new chapter yeah to see the
old strategy and now consciously you
talk about consciously creating
consciously create a different response
that’s what I do for people I am helping
people identify the internal conflicts
that are making them miserable that are
ruining their relationships that are
destroying their self-esteem and then
once we highlight those we pick a
different strategy right that’s what we
do and you know anybody can do it any
age rule number five assume good intent
today for the next 24 hours I want you
to assume that everybody else around you
has the best intentions the person that
cuts you off in traffic the friend
that’s not texting you back the customer
that writes an email that has a snarky
tone whatever it may be the fact that
you may be riled that you posted
something on Facebook and and one of
your best friends didn’t tag you in it
or didn’t like it I mean we could hung
up around the stupidest stuff but today
I want you to assume the best intentions
you know this recently happened to me
where I really had to put this to use I
had a situation at work where I had a
conference call and it was related to a
speech and it was one of these kind of
kickoff calls for a bunch of people on
the client side are gonna be there and
we’re gonna talk about the event and I’m
gonna talk about the speech and during
the conversation this conference called
I said something that I didn’t mean to
say I was totally responsible I
basically said what day am i speaking
now I knew the date that I was speaking
what I didn’t know is in the flow of the
event was I the opener was I the closer
was I the person that’s supposed to be
the defibrillator after a big lunch like
what role am i playing that’s a really
important thing to understand if you’re
giving a speech because it helps you
customize what you’re gonna do well the
client misunderstood me because I wasn’t
precise and they were annoyed because
they thought holy cow we’ve we’ve hired
this person we sent her all kinds of
information
doesn’t even know what day she’s
speaking so the client gets upset they
complain to the event planner
the event planner then writes me one of
these emails it’s like this long the
planner was really upset because I had
made the planner look bad in front of
the client now fully my responsibility
completely unintentional and also based
on a gigantic misunderstanding so what
did I do well I did exactly what you
should do when you screw up I took total
responsibility I apologized
I went overboard and cleaned the mess up
I wrote a long email I actually left
voicemail messages when we had to
deliver a bunch of things I went
overboard and being great about it and
you know what I got from the planner
that was really upset with me I didn’t
get an email back I didn’t get a phone
call back even though I had a requested
one nothing nothing nothing nothing and
of course what happens when somebody
doesn’t respond to you whether it’s
somebody that you’re dating or it’s
somebody that’s a good friend or it’s a
customer or somebody that’s upset with
you and you’ve apologized you
immediately think that you’ve done
something wrong we even do it if you get
an email and somebody’s tone is slightly
off it is bananas how quickly we assume
mal-intent
we assume we’re in trouble we assume
we’ve done something wrong so what did I
do in this situation because my reaction
was I was disappointed that I didn’t
actually get a nice email back or a hey
no problem let’s move on and have a
great event just got silence what did I
do I use the five-second rule five four
three two one when I catch myself
thinking about it and then I assume
positive intent
I tell myself a different story I say oh
well I’ve apologized twice so maybe the
planner feels that everything is
complete and taken care of and no need
to discuss it further I also assume hey
this event is a big event I’m sure
they’re SuperDuper busy and this the
last concern on their list another thing
that you can say is maybe they’re busy
maybe this isn’t a big deal to them
maybe I’ve already been forgiven rule
number six interpret nervousness as
excitement
you’re female oh great Oh excellent
I hope keen and something you’re never
gonna feel ready to speak up okay and
for the group for girls in particular
super important visibility you don’t get
credit for things people don’t see and
so raising your voice and learning how
to do it in a classroom before you get
into the workforce before you got to
raise money so important and so what I
want you to know is you’re never if
you’re somebody who’s like introverted
or somewhat shy you’re never gonna feel
comfortable doing it but you’ve got to
do it your dreams depend on it what
happens in your body when you’re about
to raise your hand
okay and what does it feel like in your
body okay is your stomach hurt or your
throat tight
it’s your chest get a rash like mine
used to i’ll see you’re lucky okay what
about your hands they get clammy yeah
okay so the main thing to do is when
that happens just go oh that’s a thing
that was talking about my body is
getting ready to talk so before I give a
speech I give about a hundred speeches a
year do you know what happens in my body
my stomach hurts my armpits are like
Niagara Falls my hands are clammy my
throat is tight and I
hello do you think I’m nervous exactly
my body is getting in a state to do
something that’s why and excitement are
the exact same so the next time you’re
in a class or you’re with a group of
friends and there’s something you want
to say tell me what happens again in
your body your stomach starts to hurt
what does it mean yes what does it mean
on a positive side yes you’re getting
ready to talk I love that so that’s the
way that we’re going to re label that
tape in your mind my stomach’s in knots
okay I’m not nervous I’m getting ready
to talk here we go that’s that signal
Mel Robbins said she gets it in the
stadium I’m getting it right now five
four three two one I’m going rule number
seven make energizing decisions any
decision can be divided into what do I
need to do versus how and when do I need
to do it for the what that is intuition
and by intuition I use the word energy
and the way to answer any question for
yourself personally that you don’t
immediately know the answer to is to ask
this question does it energize and
expand my life or does it shrink it if
it energizes and expands your life the
answer is hell yes you should absolutely
do it that is what you should do if the
decision shrinks you or it deflates you
then the answers hell no you should not
do it
this is an incredible tool to use in
deal-making
by the way because you know I’m in the
middle of negotiating a massive media
deal at the moment and it’s something
I’ve always wanted to do and when you’re
negotiating for something you really
want whether it’s somebody that you’re
dating or you know it’s a salary or
whatever it in my case it’s a massive
media deal you can get really ego driven
right right you can start to get very
attached to the deal or to the person
whether the
whatever but you have to stop and ask
yourself is this deal or this person
actually expanding but and energizing
are or are there aspects of it that
deplete and shrink me and if there’s any
aspect of it that depletes and shrinks
you either have to change that aspect of
the deal or the relationship structure
where you have to say no period right if
you decide that yet it energizes me and
I really want to do it then that’s what
you want next you’ve got to think about
the outcome which is how and when you
make it happen
rule number 8 value your own attention
have you ever heard the term attention
economy if you haven’t heard it you’re
gonna start hearing it a lot because
that’s what we live in right now it
means that people and companies make
money and they have your attention and
in the world of Internet technology
social media your attention is for sale
and what I want to do in today’s
mentoring session is I want to shift
your attitude about how you value your
own attention so got a simple question
for you do you use a phone or a computer
to make money or to improve your life or
does the phone use you to make money
well look at this I lifted it up and it
started playing a video check it out
it’s on Facebook right now every time
you are on your laptop and you go onto a
laptop and you start scrolling
mindlessly through Facebook someone else
is making money you ever thought about
that I kind of just scroll through
Facebook right now oh here’s a post
about yoga tights I don’t need oh and
here’s something from BuzzFeed about
cute group photo of 23 baby pandas
trying to make you know who’s making
money right now whoever made this video
and so is BuzzFeed and so is Facebook
but I’m not they’re making money off my
attention and as I keep scrolling oh
here’s somebody that’s doing something
related to the news and here’s another
thing ooh chocolate chip peanut butter
cup lasagna cake am i making money and I
improving my life by right no but guess
what
tasty video is and so is Melissa’s
southern style kitchen whoo
serve this post so why am i pointing
this out to you I’m pointing it out to
you because the engineer’s at Facebook
the engineers at every website they they
understand something they understand
that the longer that you spend on their
website or reading their emails or
clicking their stuff the more money
they’re gonna make see you and I are up
against a massive amount of technology
and people that want to trick us into
giving them our attention there’s a
reason why Facebook has an algorithm
where they put things in your newsfeed
that you like it’s because research
shows that you’ll actually stay longer
and how does somebody make money in the
attention economy well they make it by
grabbing your attention so I want you to
consider something today I want you to
be really mindful about your attention I
want you to be mindful about how you’re
using your phone and your computer are
you using it to get ahead and to make
more money and to do the things that are
important to you or are they using you
to make a buck as you’re going about
your day just notice am i picking up my
phone to use it to improve my life or
make my goals happen or am i picking up
my phone and letting somebody else use
me to make money rule number nine get
real with yourself you said into the
microphone that you think you’re not
good enough so how does thinking that
you’re not good enough stop you from
taking the action you need to take I
have an embrace technology okay
now we’re somewhere
[Applause]
and I know why I know why the reason why
is because it’s not that you don’t think
you’re good enough you don’t think
you’re smart I’m on a train me and the
thing that’s underneath I’m not good
enough is you actually believe you’re
not smart enough and so you avoid the
things that scare you
and you have a very you know fabulous
personality I love that you’re making
jokes about the fact that you’re an
eight-track man but the reason why and I
do the same thing I make jokes about the
I want to deal with either because it’s
easier it is scary to say I don’t know
how to do this and I’m scared if I
actually pivot and start focusing on
technology because I need to then I’m
not gonna know how and so it’s easier to
be busy and it’s easier to be on
television stations and it’s easier to
try to do all this stuff that feels good
because it’s in my wheelhouse and so
what I want you to really take a look at
is where does my story that I’m not
smart where is it blocking my dream
where is it lying to me because you are
smart and here’s the other thing you
don’t have to be smart you have to work
hard and you worked very hard and you
are very committed but there are things
that you know you know how many are you
relating to this conversation look
around you are not alone there are
things that you know that you must focus
on but it scares you because it triggers
that button than you I just got a PhD
that’s it I hope they don’t find out I
don’t know what the hell I’m doing oh my
god oh my god how do I know this is what
you think this is what I think I want
you to look at where in your life that
story is robbing you of your dreams and
where it is giving you an excuse to
avoid the things that
no you need to do okay what did you just
get from our conversation I got that I
need to meditate and see exactly why
mine I take an action and start you know
doing it and embracing it and I’m good
enough I’m old enough and rule number
ten the last one before a very special
bonus clip is used the five-second
journal Isle of vision boards and
gratitude journaling because they helped
me think about what I want and why this
journal it’s gonna teach you how how you
make your dreams come true
I created this journaling method a
couple years ago because I wanted to
stop thinking about what I wanted and
actually make it happen this is simple
it’s backed by science and it’s gonna
help you make your dreams come true with
just a couple minutes every morning let
me show you how it works at the very top
you write down the time place and date
this simple trick gets your present and
grounded in the moment now notice this
is guilt-free journaling there are no
dates printed so if you miss a day or
two you’re not behind next I’m gonna
give you a superpower this my friend is
your inner compass learning to read your
energy is the secret to greater passion
productivity and living with more
purpose research from the University of
Pennsylvania proves that if you boost
your mood in the morning you actually
increase your productivity all day long
these next two questions will help you
take control of your energy which
changes how your mind perceives tasks
and will make you more confident about
the day ahead and this section right
here it’s the secret to having a great
day I want you to identify one project
that matters to you today not two not
three just one when you focus on just
one project a day you leverage the
progress principle it was invented at
the Harvard Business School and it will
change your life and help you be more
productive so you can make your dreams
come true research proves you get more
done when you focus on less and every
day I want you to focus on just one
thing after you write down your top
project I want you to write down why
this project matters to you when you
know your why science says you’re going
to be more inspired and motivated to get
it done
now take that vision and make it your
mission write down one small action yet
you’re gonna take today to move your
dream forward it doesn’t matter how
small it is
forward is forward according to research
simply using this section of the journal
makes you 76 percent more likely to go
from dreaming to doing and if you have
any other thoughts about the project
here’s some extra space to play around
with when you move from thinking to
doing it may make you feel overwhelmed
so let’s change that attitude with a
little gratitude studies prove that
grounding yourself and something that
you feel grateful for will boost your
happiness and your effectiveness finally
I want you to write down your quitting
time yep you heard me right part of your
morning routine should be deciding when
you’re gonna stop working at night if
you feel like your wheels are spinning
and you don’t get anything done if you
have no balance between work and life if
you’d love to spend more time with your
family and still feel like the most
productive person you know set a
quitting time this is called Parkinson’s
law and it’s rocket fuel for your
productivity now let’s go over to the
next page everyone works differently so
this page is designed to work for you if
you love making long to-do lists and
checking things off here’s the spot if
you want to plan out your day there’s a
timeline on the left and if you need a
place to take notes here’s a place where
you put them so there you have it the
now I’ve got a bonus clip from Mel on
how to help people that I think you’re
gonna really enjoy but before that it’s
time for the three point landing
question sign the move from just
watching another video to taking action
in your business or life and if you’re
feeling bold leave your answers in the
comments below here we go question
number one where do you need to get real
with yourself number two what energizing
decision can you make right now and
number three which friend do you need to
the thing that energizes me is making
people feel like they matter it’s that
simple
it is giving people hope in a situation
where they don’t have it it is shining a
light on the path forward when somebody
feels stuck in darkness and now that I
know that those moments are the things
that make me get up out of bed and
energize me I can trace back all the way
to the moment of being a public defender
in Manhattan twenty-two years old
straight out of law school yeah
and defending a kid who and I met him
for the first time he had been arrested
I met him during Night Court in New York
City I was a brand-new young attorney
and this kid had been arrested and he
had been arrested for throwing a
champagne bottle in the middle of Times
Square on New Year’s Eve and had come
down on a woman and it sliced her face
open oh my god and he had been ID’d and
pointed at by her friends as allegedly
the kid who had done it and he was a
junior in high school and he had gotten
in trouble I think he had like a juvie
record for you know like some petty
shoplifting or something when
he was 12 but that was it high school
kid on his way to go to junior college
mom working hard terrified absolutely
terrified and I met him because he had
been arrested and you know the family
couldn’t afford a lawyer and I was a
legal aid criminal defense attorney and
I was assigned to represent him and I
remember walking back into the cages
behind the the judge judges bench
because if you look at it at a judge in
a courtroom there’s two doors typically
to the one to the right one to the left
one of those doors leads to the hallway
which is what all the court officers and
administrative workers walk to that it’s
behind the court system the other one
leads to cages that are behind the judge
which is where they hold the inmates as
they’re waiting to come in and get
arraigned or they’re waiting you know
for the trial and so I walk back there
and I called out this kid’s name and I
just remember him asking is my mom out
there is my mom out there and I said
look I’m gonna tell you something I’m
gonna make you two promises I’m gonna
get you out of here tonight and I’m
gonna do everything I can to because he
was like I didn’t do it I didn’t do it I
didn’t do it
I sort of God I didn’t do it and I
promised him I said I’m gonna get you
out of here tonight and I’m gonna do
everything I possibly can to clear your
name and I remember the relief in his
face they said he believed me I said of
course I believe hope polish that moment
my heart Wow blew open and it’s those
moments where you give somebody hope
where you show them the path forward
where you’re stronger and clearer in
that moment than they are so now they
can yeah and that’s what I show up and
if you want more male Robin shook at the
top 50 rules video made on her the link
is right there next to me I think you’ll
enjoy it continue to believe and I’ll
see you there
our minds are designed to stop you at
all costs from doing anything that might hurt you
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