what do you really want and I have found
most people don’t want to be really
wealthy what they do want is they don’t
want to have any financial concerns if
they want to bind their suit they can go
and get one if they want to take a trip
they can take the trip if they want a
new car they can get the new car they
want to just run out and spend or buy
they don’t have any financial concerns –
they want to wake up in the morning
excited about how they’re gonna spend
their day and the third they want to mix
with people who are upbeat and
creatively productive these are the
three things that people really want so
in answer to your question if somebody’s
watching what’s the first thing they
should do well the first thing they
should do is understand why we have
goals not just to set a goal because
most people don’t set goals right they
they’re operating with a limited level
of consciousness so they’re thinking hmm
if I could get a little more money and
if I could get him to help me and her to
help me and this happen then I could do
this maybe this is get a new car but we
kind of understand these we’re treating
our life for our goals literally trading
our life would you trade your life for a
car or a house I don’t think so
so it’s got to be something really
meaningful and we’re not taught to think
this way we should sit down and don’t
give any thought to where the money is
gonna come from where the help is gonna
come from it’s what do you really want
like ed Hillary was a beekeeper in
Auckland he wanted to climb Mount
Everest it had never been done great
people died trying to do it he went in
51 and failed he went back in 52 and
failed in 1953 he stood on top of the
mountain with Tenzing Norgay but he
didn’t know how to get there until after
he had got there Edison didn’t know how
to illuminate the world until after he
had done it the Wright brothers were
bicycle mechanics in Dayton Ohio no one
believed he could fly they’d been trying
it for years but they saw it
but they wanted to do it they didn’t
know how and they couldn’t tell you
until after they had done it now the
first flight only lasted 12 seconds and
the naysayers said yeah but they only
were up there for 12 seconds they said
we not only got up there we kept the
damn thing up there for 12 seconds so
when a person sets a goal they’ve got to
say look what I want if I just let my
mind roar off just wander use my
so I have a cool strategy that I use and
I hope that works for you so I carry a
little notebook and I actually borrowed
this from Chris because when we lived in
New York City he used to carry around a
notebook like this size and whenever he
had an idea he’d just jot it down then
he’d stick it in his back pocket and it
was just full of all kinds of stuff so I
carry around a notebook and this one’s
new so it doesn’t really have much in it
as ideas come I just jot it down in that
notebook and then what happens for me is
I get anxiety because I’m afraid that
I’m gonna forget the idea then that
anxiety makes me get distracted and
unfocused and overwhelmed and so I think
if you were to have a little notebook on
you at all times and when those creative
juices and those impulses go that you
jot them down that’s gonna remove one
layer of the over oil if I want to do
something I find somebody that’s already
done it and then I do exactly what they
tell me
hmm it’s a simple rule to follow I I
don’t read novels I don’t watch movies
and I’d watch documentaries or things
like that where I can learn I’m only
interested in studying something that
can cause me to become more of what I’m
capable of being see I think we’re all
hardwired to do something really special
with their life and that’s all I want to
do I’m really good at what I do I could
walk by a person in the hall like that I
could tell them exactly what they’re
like I could read their energy like a
book everything goes on the inside shows
on the outside see we’re gifted with
with faculties of the mind that the
average person knows nothing about your
VIN tuition the will reason imagination
perception memory that’s what separates
us from all the rest of forms of life we
go through school never learn anything
about it but you’ll hear people say they
have a bad memory there’s no such thing
as a bad memory everybody has a perfect
memory
it’s just weak they’ve never developed
it our imagination your imagination is
the most magnificent piece he’ll said
it’s the most marvelous miraculous
inconceivably powerful force the world’s
ever known I can use my imagination to
project myself into the future and bring
the future into the present and start
living there you work from the
imagination you don’t work to it you
work from it backwards from the result
ya never ever ever ever going to feel
like doing the things you need to do in
order to have what you want you’re
always going to need to push yourself
you’re always going to need to parent
yourself so what is the net advice on
this what what is the bottom line the
bottom line is no one’s coming
no one no one’s coming to push you no
one’s coming to tell you to turn the TV
off no one’s coming to tell you to get
out the door and exercise nobody’s
coming to tell you to apply for that job
that you’ve always dreamt about nobody’s
coming to write the business plan for
you it’s up to you and because you’re
only ever gonna do the things that you
feel like doing right now or that feel
good right now
unless you understand that you’ve got to
pair it yourself you got push yourself
you’re not gonna make your dreams come
true
you’re just not we’re not wired that way
you weren’t born that way you weren’t
that way when you were growing up and
you’re certainly not that way as an
adult and there’s a tremendous amount of
liberation that comes when you accept
the fact that you’re always going to
need to give yourself a push in hundreds
of thousands and millions of warriors
that have been in very stressful
situations and faced evil and faced
death much worse than the situation I’m
in or a year in that we might consider
stressful and I even did this when I was
overseas when I was on deployment when I
was a combat leader I was feeling stress
and you know what we took casualties and
it was awful and it was heartbreaking
and but there were other soldiers and
warriors throughout time that had been
in much worse situations Gettysburg or
Vicksburg or the Battle of the Bulge and
in all those horrible situations they
proved really that humans can withstand
almost most unimaginable stress which
meant to me that I could – and you can
and the first step for me is doing that
taking that look to gain some
perspective and then in order to gain
perspective you got to do something that
we already talked about you’ve got a
detach you’ve got to detach from the
problems or the stress that you’re
experiencing so that you can get that
perspective of them now there’s a couple
different types of stress now if it’s
something that you can control that’s
causing you stress well why aren’t you
getting control of it
now there’s also stress that’s caused by
things that you cannot control and if
you remember talking earlier about
artillery and how horrible that was and
what made it so horrible was that
there’s no control over so if you can’t
control something and you can’t get
control of it you have to at least
embrace what you can and I’m not saying
you’re gonna embrace artillery shelling
but I’ll tell you what when it comes to
things like artillery or for us in
Ramadi was IEDs and we could do
everything we could do to mitigate that
risk but eventually there’s only so much
you can do and you cannot completely
eliminate it but you can’t control it so
why you gonna worry about it
why are you gonna stress about it if
there’s something that’s completely
beyond your control
you cannot you’ve got to detach from it
and not let yourself get stressed about
it and on top of that if it’s something
that you can’t control how can you look
at it in a different light how can you
see it in a way that you could actually
take advantage of it how can you take
that stress and make it into some kind
of a lie you know the the chaos of
combat is something that I could
control but I had to embrace it so I
could try and figure out how to take
advantage of it so when it comes to
stress
don’t fight it
turn it on itself and use it use it use
it to make yourself sharper and more
alert and use it to make yourself think
more and learn more and get better and
use that stress as a catalyst to make
yourself better in order to influence
people you got to know what already
influences them huh the mistake that we
make is we don’t connect enough to
figure out who this person is and what
most of us do is try to lead other
people by influencing them the way we’ve
the influence they try to influence
their kid to clean the room the way that
would make you do it but even though
they’re your kid they’re different than
you and so they’re gonna do it for a
different set of reasons than what you
would do it for you might have done it
because someone told you to but your
kids come all day long that’s not it
there has to be something else it’s a
sense of freedom they get from it or a
sense of mass just something that’s
going to move them so I always say there
there are two things that influence
everyone if you want to be a leader you
have to know how to change other
people’s states a person is in a no
state a person’s in an angry State a
person’s in a frustrated state you have
to be able to influence their stake is
if you change their state you’re gonna
change the result they get but the
second thing you have to understand is
what are people’s blueprints blueprints
my surety and for what are the values
what do they believe will they fear I
always say to people and life is found
in the dance between what you desire
most and what you fear most if I want to
lead you and support you I got to know
your goals your desires I don’t know
what you’re scared about when you’re
fearful about what stresses you out and
if I understand that I can communicate
in a way that’ll inspire you to maximize
not only when I’m here that’s management
leadership is I’m gonna you raised your
own standard and you’re gonna continue
leadership is not just for CEOs
leadership is not just for prime
ministers and presidents and people with
large bank accounts and massive offices
leadership is not only an opportunity
but the responsibility of every man
woman and child on the planet today no
matter what it is you do whether you’re
a filmmaker a startup entrepreneur a
manager of a corporation a bread creator
or whatever it’s got a baker I guess
there’ll be a baker whether you’re a
teacher whether you’re a firefighter
whether you’re a politician whether you
are a gardener whether you are a wall
maker I don’t know whatever it is you do
but every day you walk out in the world
gives you not only that opportunity but
brings with it the awesome
responsibility to show up as a leader
because leadership really isn’t a title
you know my book the leader I had no
title you’ve probably read it
leadership is less about a title and
it’s more about an approach a way of
being and some of the traits of leaders
without titles the radiant optimists in
a world gone cynical one of the things
about leaders without titles they don’t
see their job as a job they see their
job as a craft no matter what their work
is they understand there’s dignity in
all labor one of the traits of leaders
without titles they are relentlessly
improving everything they touch so they
leave it better than they found it and
so the first rule for a monumental life
is simply leader lead thyself which just
means see yourself as a leader and don’t
wait for the people around you to start
leading lead where you’re planted lead
by example you stand up first be an army
of one when it comes to leadership and
spreading that leadership possibility
around
both people don’t use their imagination
constructively most people use their
imagination destructively they imagine
what they don’t want we’ve got to
consciously and deliberately imagine
what we do want if we will take and sit
down with a pen and ask yourself what do
I really want what do I really want and
write it down and then make a written
description of it in the present tense
writing causes thinking thinking creates
an image and you get these images going
you’re building a vision in your mind
it’s the visionaries that’s changed the
world think of that if you have friends
that make you wrong for changing your
life for the better that’s their issue
it’s not yours
and so you got to untangle the fact that
they have baggage about getting in shape
or they have baggage about going to the
bar that’s theirs and it has nothing to
do with the decisions that you’re making
so if your friends in general give you
blowback for changing for the better
what you need to say in the back of your
mind is interesting they’re obviously
very conflicted about their choice to go
to the bar and drink every night but
that has nothing to do with me here’s
the other thing you can do if they start
to make you wrong you can say well you
want to go to plan a fit which was me
instead it doesn’t sound like you want
to be at the bar so that said let me
talk to you a little bit about friends
friends are people that you care about
and I have this test I call it the
funeral test if somebody in your life
were to die ask yourself would I go to
their funeral if the answer is yes their
friend of yours that’s the test for
whether or not in my opinion someone is
a friend because it means you care about
them now here’s the other thing about
friendship that I want you to understand
you can care about somebody and not like
hanging out with them and that’s the
situation that you’re in right now that
you have plenty of friends that you care
about if they were to die you would go
to their funeral if they needed you you
would be there if you saw them you’d be
happy to see them but you don’t like
hang out with them the other thing that
I want you to think about is that and
that’s okay that’s like a normal part of
friendship and the reason why that’s a
normal part of friendship is because one
of the things that we know about life is
that you’re always going to be changing
in the old pattern and the old chapter
you had certain patterns right in the
old chapter of your life you would go to
the bar and drink you would go to the
store and spend money you didn’t have
you’re in a new chapter now and so you
have different patterns when your life
takes on different patterns whether it’s
you’re no longer going to the bar you’re
going to the gym the pattern might even
be that one of your kids is playing with
a different soccer team or maybe you’ve
moved to a different Street in your town
when the patterns change so will your
circle of friends it’s a fact of life
but that doesn’t mean your old friends
the ones that used to drink with aren’t
friends anymore it just means that you
don’t want to hang out with them you
still care about them but you don’t like
doing what they do the patterns have
changed for a long time I had a lot of
drama around this until I realized that
it’s not personal it’s not personal that
you don’t want to hang out with them
patterns in your life have simply
changed the final thing that I want to
leave you with that may also help you is
that remember I’ve given you the funeral
test if you’d go to their funeral
they’re definitely a friend it means you
care about them but you might not like
hanging out with them that much and
that’s cool that’s normal the other
thing that I want you to think about
when it comes to friendships is you can
typically put friends into three buckets
you got friends for a reason you got
friends for a season and you have
friends for a lifetime
and one of the interesting things that I
know about my own life is that as the
patterns of my life change so do the
friends that I hang out with more
frequently and I also believe that as
you change and the patterns in your life
change people show up in your life for a
reason the right people will show up
when you start going to the gym the
right people that you need for the
pattern that you’re in right now will
start showing up when you’re working on
your project instead of shopping and
it’s exactly the kind of people that you
need they’re there for a reason and the
Friends of yours that are friends of
yours for a lifetime I bet you don’t
hang out with them that much at all
anyway but I bet they’re the first
person that you call when you need to
talk to somebody about somebody
important those are the friends for a
lifetime and those folks that are still
sitting at the bar
and love to blow money that they don’t
have those were friends for a season I
think this is a failure in my part I I
think that this is the same thing we
were talking about on the last podcast
and I think echo said when you say oh
you know what I’m not gonna finish this
book right now it’s it I don’t really
want to it’s sort of like when you say
oh I’m not gonna quit I want to though
that’s what I’m saying you say but I
don’t want to do it right now
I can push it off a little bit you
accept that do you accept that answer
hmm you accept that answer the soldier
Jody Wright wouldn’t accept that answer
would not do you self talk not really
not really I’m not a guy that says you
know I’m gonna do this I’m gonna do that
I just do it right I just go and do
whatever that thing is
you see all we’re ever gonna get is
awareness
we’ve already got everything the only
thing we like is the awareness of what
we’ve got we’re God’s highest form of
creation there’s nothing on the planet
that will equal us well that’s all
that’s all any of us are after that’s
all the problems in the world come from
maintenance that’s the purpose of life
overcome ignorance develop awareness the
only way to overcome their ignorance is
through knowledge and the only way to
get the knowledge is to study most
people they finish school cause the
bucks Nate I got a dance over I’m never
gonna open another book as long as I
live you’re screwed it’s all over we all
face problems in our lives it’s just
part of being a human being but have you
ever considered that there are really
only two kinds of problems that you’re
ever gonna face there are temporary
problems and then there are permanent
problems that are more like conditions
that you have to learn with now a
temporary problem is something that you
have tremendous power to change and
permanent problems though are something
that require a different skill and that
is the ability to just accept things as
they are and let the complaining go now
one of the skills in life
that is really going to help you become
a great problem solver and it’s also
going to give you more control over your
life is knowing what kind of problem
you’re actually dealing with because we
all complain about our problems but to
actually solve a problem you got to
understand what kind of problem you’re
dealing with the truth is you can’t
change a permanent problem so no matter
how much a complain about it how much
you try to change it how much energy you
put into it
nothing’s changing it’s a waste of your
time and your energy to focus on those
now when you try to change a permanent
problem you know you are stuck because
you feel like you’re just spinning in
circles temporary problems are what you
want to focus your energy on these are
the decisions and the life choices that
you keep making that might feel good in
the moment but they actually make you
miserable
now here’s the thing about temporary
problems they’re not permanent you may
hate your body but you can change it you
may hate and be unhappy in the
relationship that you’re in but you can
change it you might complain a lot about
how your boss treats you or how you feel
passed over at work but you can change
how you interact with your boss and you
can change how you show up at work and
you can even change your job that’s the
difference between a temporary and a
permanent problem temporary problems you
can change now here’s an a simple
exercise that I want you to do I want
you to make a list of all the things
that you complain about maybe you
complain about your commute where you
live the person you’re with your health
your boss the amount of money you have
now I want you to look at every single
complaint you have and ask yourself what
can I do to change this problem what can
I do to fix my relationship with your
boss because you can’t change your
boss’s personality but you can
definitely change how you interact with
her and when you change yourself and
your own behaviors and how you think
you’re dropped out have you ever thought
how your life could be better off if you
had gotten your Harvard degree well I
I’m a weird dropout because I take
college courses all the time I love
learning company courses and things so I
love being a student and there were
smart people around and you know they
fed you and they gave you these nice
grades that made you feel smart so I
feel it was unfortunate that I didn’t
get to stay there but I don’t think I
missed any knowledge because you know
whatever I needed to learn I would I was
still in a learning mode this question
from Twitter and I answered the question
in one word you’ve lived a life
dominated by doubt and fear how do you
step into bravery step that’s how you
step into bravery step take the step
step aggressively towards your fear and
that that step towards your fear is the
step into bravery because we were scared
of what we don’t know and there is only
one way to learn and to know and that is
to confront that fear you have to step
you have to go and this simple action
this simple attitude it answers so many
questions
my theory here would be if you’re afraid
of fighting and altercations go change
it so if you’re afraid of heights work
on some rock climbing climbing if you’re
afraid of the water
it’s time to swim it’s time to surf it’s
trying to get out there if you’re afraid
of pull-ups if if you’re afraid
duplet if you’re in squats do squats if
you’re afraid of public speaking go
speak in public mm-hmm if you’re afraid
to start a business start a business
make it small and on all these what you
have to do is you have to mitigate the
risk and you have to ease yourself into
it but you got to go for it and
eventually you will overcome that fear
but the hard part is you gotta take that
first step you got to take that first
step to begin to inoculate yourself
against the fear against the fear of the
thing that’s in your mind because that
fear generally is in your mind yeah you
know when you get up on stage do a
public speaking people are not gonna
throw tomatoes at you and say oh my
you’re an idiot get off the stage no
thirty they’re gonna sit there you know
so there’s nothing to fear
I started Microsoft I didn’t think of it
as all that risky I mean I was so
excited about what we were doing it’s
true I could have gone bankrupt but you
know I had a set of skills that were
highly employable and in fact my parents
were still willing to let me go back to
Harvard and finish my education if I
wanted to you’ve always got a job what
they built and the only the thing that
was scary to me wasn’t quitting and
starting the company it was when I
started hiring my friends and they
and and then we had customers who went
bankrupt customers that I counted on to
come through and so then I got this
incredibly conservative approach that I
wanted to have enough money in the bank
to pay a year’s worth of payroll even if
we didn’t get in heat any payments
coming in and I’m almost true to that
the whole time we have about 10 billion
now which is pretty much enough for the
next year anyway you know I if you’re
gonna start a company it takes so much
energy that you know you it better
overcome your your feeling of risk I
don’t think that you necessarily if
you’re gonna start a company should do
it at the start of your career I think
there’s a lot to be said for working for
a company learning how they do things
you know if you’re young it’s hard to go
lease premises they made that hard for
me you couldn’t rent a car when you were
under 25 at the time so I was always
taking taxis to go see customers people
would you know people say well we’re
gonna go have a discussion in the bar
and you know that’s fun because I’ll
tell you
when people are first skeptical and then
go this kid doesn’t know anything then
when you show them you’ve really got a
good product and you know something they
actually tend to go overboard and they
think whoa
you know they know a lot let’s really do
an incredible amount with these people
so our youth at least in this country
was a huge asset for us once we reached
a certain threshold it is hard it’s hard
to hire old older people because they’ll
be a little bit conservative about
whether they should come in and take the
risk and it took three or four years
before we could go out into the normal
sort of employment pool but those those
problems that come with starting the
firm you better think of those as as
part of the the pleasure part of the the
the challenge that that is part of the
the excitement see someone woke me up
that’s all I want to do with someone
else what the man said to me the first
guy he said you can have whatever you
want well you know they get thinking
that you can get out of the box that’s
where you’ve been given an imagination
to get out of the box it’s with your
imagination that you build the images of
what you want and if you can build the
image you can do it you can hold it in
your head you can hold it in your hand
when we understand that like I would
imagine this goes out to a lot of
athletes as that well they can they can
have anything they want they got to pay
the price and when don’t comes in check
it out
you have four years ever since you were
a little boy I have been called a nerd
do you care does it hurt you
well nerd means a lot of things I’m
somebody who can sit and read a book
about science for hours on end and you
know I don’t mind being labeled as
somebody who who finds that interesting
there is hardly a day in which something
is not written about Microsoft it has
become almost a frenzy you’re being
called the evil empire you forget being
called a nerd you are now being called
arrogant greedy the devil who read all
this stuff I heard that this has been
said what do you say about all of this
well it’s a very competitive
business and absolutely when you have
the level of success that we’ve had when
you have a business that’s important as
this with this many competitors you’re
going to have people saying some nasty
things and so you have to learn a little
bit not to take it too personally if
you’re about to do something for the
first time chances are high that you
might embarrass yourself but what it
means is if you’re willing to be the
kind of person that is willing to
embarrass themselves it means you’re
trying something new it means you’re
going for it when everybody else sits on
the sidelines and so one of the things
that I would encourage you to do is that
when you feel that tingling like you’re
starting to hold yourself back because
you start thinking about what all your
friends are thinking about that’s a
moment to go oh this is what that lady
was talking about five four three two
one I’m going for it if you suddenly
find yourself to be say a sophomore in
college at Harvard what do you think you
would study and how do you think you’d
spend your time engaging activities well
the thing that you’re likely to be
world-class at is whatever you obsessed
over from say age 12 to 18 you know in
my case it was writing software where I
would think I was good and then I would
meet somebody who would tell me I wasn’t
and I would look at their code and I
went through four sort of comeuppance
–is of oh that’s what a really good
programmer looks like and part of the
reason I worship digital equipment was
eventually it was a couple of their very
best programmers who came and shared
with me how they thought about how they
did thing and I had studied their code
and and I and their there were several
people who are so key am i doing that so
today I would go into you know software
which today that means going into
artificial intelligence you know
computers still can’t read they they
cannot take a book of information and
say pass an AP test on that book and
that’s a solvable problem but it’s a
knowledge representation problem and you
know I’ve always want me to solve that
problem I’m jealous that maybe one of
you gets
to work on that you know unlikely to go
back and be hands-on in that in that way
but it’s the juiciest problem ever I’ve
thought about it for a long time you’re
not a procrastinator you have a habit of
procrastinating big difference because
if it’s a habit I can teach you to use
science to break it you see all habits
have three parts there’s a trigger and
in the case of procrastination the
triggers always stress then there’s a
pattern you repeat and in the case of
procrastination it is to avoid doing
something and then there’s a reward you
get a little stress release the only way
to break a habit you guys is not to deal
with the triggers you’re never gonna get
rid of the stress in your life but you
can 100% change your pattern of avoiding
work so next time that you’re in a
situation where you feel yourself
hesitate you spent way too much time
checking out the highlights from last
night’s scores what you’re gonna do is
you’re gonna go up I must be stressed
out about something acknowledge the
stress then go 5 4 3 2 1 I want you to
count yourself because I want you to
interrupt the habit that’s stored here
and I want you to awaken your prefrontal
cortex then I want you to just work just
for five minutes the reason why I want
you to only work for five minutes is
because your problem isn’t working it’s
the habit of avoiding I just need you to
start and here’s the other cool thing we
know based on research that if we can
get you to start 80% of you are going to keep going
most people don’t want to be really
wealthy what they do want is they don’t
want to have any financial concerns if
they want to bind their suit they can go
and get one if they want to take a trip
they can take the trip if they want a
new car they can get the new car they
want to just run out and spend or buy
they don’t have any financial concerns –
they want to wake up in the morning
excited about how they’re gonna spend
their day and the third they want to mix
with people who are upbeat and
creatively productive these are the
three things that people really want so
in answer to your question if somebody’s
watching what’s the first thing they
should do well the first thing they
should do is understand why we have
goals not just to set a goal because
most people don’t set goals right they
they’re operating with a limited level
of consciousness so they’re thinking hmm
if I could get a little more money and
if I could get him to help me and her to
help me and this happen then I could do
this maybe this is get a new car but we
kind of understand these we’re treating
our life for our goals literally trading
our life would you trade your life for a
car or a house I don’t think so
so it’s got to be something really
meaningful and we’re not taught to think
this way we should sit down and don’t
give any thought to where the money is
gonna come from where the help is gonna
come from it’s what do you really want
like ed Hillary was a beekeeper in
Auckland he wanted to climb Mount
Everest it had never been done great
people died trying to do it he went in
51 and failed he went back in 52 and
failed in 1953 he stood on top of the
mountain with Tenzing Norgay but he
didn’t know how to get there until after
he had got there Edison didn’t know how
to illuminate the world until after he
had done it the Wright brothers were
bicycle mechanics in Dayton Ohio no one
believed he could fly they’d been trying
it for years but they saw it
but they wanted to do it they didn’t
know how and they couldn’t tell you
until after they had done it now the
first flight only lasted 12 seconds and
the naysayers said yeah but they only
were up there for 12 seconds they said
we not only got up there we kept the
damn thing up there for 12 seconds so
when a person sets a goal they’ve got to
say look what I want if I just let my
mind roar off just wander use my
so I have a cool strategy that I use and
I hope that works for you so I carry a
little notebook and I actually borrowed
this from Chris because when we lived in
New York City he used to carry around a
notebook like this size and whenever he
had an idea he’d just jot it down then
he’d stick it in his back pocket and it
was just full of all kinds of stuff so I
carry around a notebook and this one’s
new so it doesn’t really have much in it
as ideas come I just jot it down in that
notebook and then what happens for me is
I get anxiety because I’m afraid that
I’m gonna forget the idea then that
anxiety makes me get distracted and
unfocused and overwhelmed and so I think
if you were to have a little notebook on
you at all times and when those creative
juices and those impulses go that you
jot them down that’s gonna remove one
layer of the over oil if I want to do
something I find somebody that’s already
done it and then I do exactly what they
tell me
hmm it’s a simple rule to follow I I
don’t read novels I don’t watch movies
and I’d watch documentaries or things
like that where I can learn I’m only
interested in studying something that
can cause me to become more of what I’m
capable of being see I think we’re all
hardwired to do something really special
with their life and that’s all I want to
do I’m really good at what I do I could
walk by a person in the hall like that I
could tell them exactly what they’re
like I could read their energy like a
book everything goes on the inside shows
on the outside see we’re gifted with
with faculties of the mind that the
average person knows nothing about your
VIN tuition the will reason imagination
perception memory that’s what separates
us from all the rest of forms of life we
go through school never learn anything
about it but you’ll hear people say they
have a bad memory there’s no such thing
as a bad memory everybody has a perfect
memory
it’s just weak they’ve never developed
it our imagination your imagination is
the most magnificent piece he’ll said
it’s the most marvelous miraculous
inconceivably powerful force the world’s
ever known I can use my imagination to
project myself into the future and bring
the future into the present and start
living there you work from the
imagination you don’t work to it you
work from it backwards from the result
ya never ever ever ever going to feel
like doing the things you need to do in
order to have what you want you’re
always going to need to push yourself
you’re always going to need to parent
yourself so what is the net advice on
this what what is the bottom line the
bottom line is no one’s coming
no one no one’s coming to push you no
one’s coming to tell you to turn the TV
off no one’s coming to tell you to get
out the door and exercise nobody’s
coming to tell you to apply for that job
that you’ve always dreamt about nobody’s
coming to write the business plan for
you it’s up to you and because you’re
only ever gonna do the things that you
feel like doing right now or that feel
good right now
unless you understand that you’ve got to
pair it yourself you got push yourself
you’re not gonna make your dreams come
true
you’re just not we’re not wired that way
you weren’t born that way you weren’t
that way when you were growing up and
you’re certainly not that way as an
adult and there’s a tremendous amount of
liberation that comes when you accept
the fact that you’re always going to
need to give yourself a push in hundreds
of thousands and millions of warriors
that have been in very stressful
situations and faced evil and faced
death much worse than the situation I’m
in or a year in that we might consider
stressful and I even did this when I was
overseas when I was on deployment when I
was a combat leader I was feeling stress
and you know what we took casualties and
it was awful and it was heartbreaking
and but there were other soldiers and
warriors throughout time that had been
in much worse situations Gettysburg or
Vicksburg or the Battle of the Bulge and
in all those horrible situations they
proved really that humans can withstand
almost most unimaginable stress which
meant to me that I could – and you can
and the first step for me is doing that
taking that look to gain some
perspective and then in order to gain
perspective you got to do something that
we already talked about you’ve got a
detach you’ve got to detach from the
problems or the stress that you’re
experiencing so that you can get that
perspective of them now there’s a couple
different types of stress now if it’s
something that you can control that’s
causing you stress well why aren’t you
getting control of it
now there’s also stress that’s caused by
things that you cannot control and if
you remember talking earlier about
artillery and how horrible that was and
what made it so horrible was that
there’s no control over so if you can’t
control something and you can’t get
control of it you have to at least
embrace what you can and I’m not saying
you’re gonna embrace artillery shelling
but I’ll tell you what when it comes to
things like artillery or for us in
Ramadi was IEDs and we could do
everything we could do to mitigate that
risk but eventually there’s only so much
you can do and you cannot completely
eliminate it but you can’t control it so
why you gonna worry about it
why are you gonna stress about it if
there’s something that’s completely
beyond your control
you cannot you’ve got to detach from it
and not let yourself get stressed about
it and on top of that if it’s something
that you can’t control how can you look
at it in a different light how can you
see it in a way that you could actually
take advantage of it how can you take
that stress and make it into some kind
of a lie you know the the chaos of
combat is something that I could
control but I had to embrace it so I
could try and figure out how to take
advantage of it so when it comes to
stress
don’t fight it
turn it on itself and use it use it use
it to make yourself sharper and more
alert and use it to make yourself think
more and learn more and get better and
use that stress as a catalyst to make
yourself better in order to influence
people you got to know what already
influences them huh the mistake that we
make is we don’t connect enough to
figure out who this person is and what
most of us do is try to lead other
people by influencing them the way we’ve
the influence they try to influence
their kid to clean the room the way that
would make you do it but even though
they’re your kid they’re different than
you and so they’re gonna do it for a
different set of reasons than what you
would do it for you might have done it
because someone told you to but your
kids come all day long that’s not it
there has to be something else it’s a
sense of freedom they get from it or a
sense of mass just something that’s
going to move them so I always say there
there are two things that influence
everyone if you want to be a leader you
have to know how to change other
people’s states a person is in a no
state a person’s in an angry State a
person’s in a frustrated state you have
to be able to influence their stake is
if you change their state you’re gonna
change the result they get but the
second thing you have to understand is
what are people’s blueprints blueprints
my surety and for what are the values
what do they believe will they fear I
always say to people and life is found
in the dance between what you desire
most and what you fear most if I want to
lead you and support you I got to know
your goals your desires I don’t know
what you’re scared about when you’re
fearful about what stresses you out and
if I understand that I can communicate
in a way that’ll inspire you to maximize
not only when I’m here that’s management
leadership is I’m gonna you raised your
own standard and you’re gonna continue
leadership is not just for CEOs
leadership is not just for prime
ministers and presidents and people with
large bank accounts and massive offices
leadership is not only an opportunity
but the responsibility of every man
woman and child on the planet today no
matter what it is you do whether you’re
a filmmaker a startup entrepreneur a
manager of a corporation a bread creator
or whatever it’s got a baker I guess
there’ll be a baker whether you’re a
teacher whether you’re a firefighter
whether you’re a politician whether you
are a gardener whether you are a wall
maker I don’t know whatever it is you do
but every day you walk out in the world
gives you not only that opportunity but
brings with it the awesome
responsibility to show up as a leader
because leadership really isn’t a title
you know my book the leader I had no
title you’ve probably read it
leadership is less about a title and
it’s more about an approach a way of
being and some of the traits of leaders
without titles the radiant optimists in
a world gone cynical one of the things
about leaders without titles they don’t
see their job as a job they see their
job as a craft no matter what their work
is they understand there’s dignity in
all labor one of the traits of leaders
without titles they are relentlessly
improving everything they touch so they
leave it better than they found it and
so the first rule for a monumental life
is simply leader lead thyself which just
means see yourself as a leader and don’t
wait for the people around you to start
leading lead where you’re planted lead
by example you stand up first be an army
of one when it comes to leadership and
spreading that leadership possibility
around
both people don’t use their imagination
constructively most people use their
imagination destructively they imagine
what they don’t want we’ve got to
consciously and deliberately imagine
what we do want if we will take and sit
down with a pen and ask yourself what do
I really want what do I really want and
write it down and then make a written
description of it in the present tense
writing causes thinking thinking creates
an image and you get these images going
you’re building a vision in your mind
it’s the visionaries that’s changed the
world think of that if you have friends
that make you wrong for changing your
life for the better that’s their issue
it’s not yours
and so you got to untangle the fact that
they have baggage about getting in shape
or they have baggage about going to the
bar that’s theirs and it has nothing to
do with the decisions that you’re making
so if your friends in general give you
blowback for changing for the better
what you need to say in the back of your
mind is interesting they’re obviously
very conflicted about their choice to go
to the bar and drink every night but
that has nothing to do with me here’s
the other thing you can do if they start
to make you wrong you can say well you
want to go to plan a fit which was me
instead it doesn’t sound like you want
to be at the bar so that said let me
talk to you a little bit about friends
friends are people that you care about
and I have this test I call it the
funeral test if somebody in your life
were to die ask yourself would I go to
their funeral if the answer is yes their
friend of yours that’s the test for
whether or not in my opinion someone is
a friend because it means you care about
them now here’s the other thing about
friendship that I want you to understand
you can care about somebody and not like
hanging out with them and that’s the
situation that you’re in right now that
you have plenty of friends that you care
about if they were to die you would go
to their funeral if they needed you you
would be there if you saw them you’d be
happy to see them but you don’t like
hang out with them the other thing that
I want you to think about is that and
that’s okay that’s like a normal part of
friendship and the reason why that’s a
normal part of friendship is because one
of the things that we know about life is
that you’re always going to be changing
in the old pattern and the old chapter
you had certain patterns right in the
old chapter of your life you would go to
the bar and drink you would go to the
store and spend money you didn’t have
you’re in a new chapter now and so you
have different patterns when your life
takes on different patterns whether it’s
you’re no longer going to the bar you’re
going to the gym the pattern might even
be that one of your kids is playing with
a different soccer team or maybe you’ve
moved to a different Street in your town
when the patterns change so will your
circle of friends it’s a fact of life
but that doesn’t mean your old friends
the ones that used to drink with aren’t
friends anymore it just means that you
don’t want to hang out with them you
still care about them but you don’t like
doing what they do the patterns have
changed for a long time I had a lot of
drama around this until I realized that
it’s not personal it’s not personal that
you don’t want to hang out with them
patterns in your life have simply
changed the final thing that I want to
leave you with that may also help you is
that remember I’ve given you the funeral
test if you’d go to their funeral
they’re definitely a friend it means you
care about them but you might not like
hanging out with them that much and
that’s cool that’s normal the other
thing that I want you to think about
when it comes to friendships is you can
typically put friends into three buckets
you got friends for a reason you got
friends for a season and you have
friends for a lifetime
and one of the interesting things that I
know about my own life is that as the
patterns of my life change so do the
friends that I hang out with more
frequently and I also believe that as
you change and the patterns in your life
change people show up in your life for a
reason the right people will show up
when you start going to the gym the
right people that you need for the
pattern that you’re in right now will
start showing up when you’re working on
your project instead of shopping and
it’s exactly the kind of people that you
need they’re there for a reason and the
Friends of yours that are friends of
yours for a lifetime I bet you don’t
hang out with them that much at all
anyway but I bet they’re the first
person that you call when you need to
talk to somebody about somebody
important those are the friends for a
lifetime and those folks that are still
sitting at the bar
and love to blow money that they don’t
have those were friends for a season I
think this is a failure in my part I I
think that this is the same thing we
were talking about on the last podcast
and I think echo said when you say oh
you know what I’m not gonna finish this
book right now it’s it I don’t really
want to it’s sort of like when you say
oh I’m not gonna quit I want to though
that’s what I’m saying you say but I
don’t want to do it right now
I can push it off a little bit you
accept that do you accept that answer
hmm you accept that answer the soldier
Jody Wright wouldn’t accept that answer
would not do you self talk not really
not really I’m not a guy that says you
know I’m gonna do this I’m gonna do that
I just do it right I just go and do
whatever that thing is
you see all we’re ever gonna get is
awareness
we’ve already got everything the only
thing we like is the awareness of what
we’ve got we’re God’s highest form of
creation there’s nothing on the planet
that will equal us well that’s all
that’s all any of us are after that’s
all the problems in the world come from
maintenance that’s the purpose of life
overcome ignorance develop awareness the
only way to overcome their ignorance is
through knowledge and the only way to
get the knowledge is to study most
people they finish school cause the
bucks Nate I got a dance over I’m never
gonna open another book as long as I
live you’re screwed it’s all over we all
face problems in our lives it’s just
part of being a human being but have you
ever considered that there are really
only two kinds of problems that you’re
ever gonna face there are temporary
problems and then there are permanent
problems that are more like conditions
that you have to learn with now a
temporary problem is something that you
have tremendous power to change and
permanent problems though are something
that require a different skill and that
is the ability to just accept things as
they are and let the complaining go now
one of the skills in life
that is really going to help you become
a great problem solver and it’s also
going to give you more control over your
life is knowing what kind of problem
you’re actually dealing with because we
all complain about our problems but to
actually solve a problem you got to
understand what kind of problem you’re
dealing with the truth is you can’t
change a permanent problem so no matter
how much a complain about it how much
you try to change it how much energy you
put into it
nothing’s changing it’s a waste of your
time and your energy to focus on those
now when you try to change a permanent
problem you know you are stuck because
you feel like you’re just spinning in
circles temporary problems are what you
want to focus your energy on these are
the decisions and the life choices that
you keep making that might feel good in
the moment but they actually make you
miserable
now here’s the thing about temporary
problems they’re not permanent you may
hate your body but you can change it you
may hate and be unhappy in the
relationship that you’re in but you can
change it you might complain a lot about
how your boss treats you or how you feel
passed over at work but you can change
how you interact with your boss and you
can change how you show up at work and
you can even change your job that’s the
difference between a temporary and a
permanent problem temporary problems you
can change now here’s an a simple
exercise that I want you to do I want
you to make a list of all the things
that you complain about maybe you
complain about your commute where you
live the person you’re with your health
your boss the amount of money you have
now I want you to look at every single
complaint you have and ask yourself what
can I do to change this problem what can
I do to fix my relationship with your
boss because you can’t change your
boss’s personality but you can
definitely change how you interact with
her and when you change yourself and
your own behaviors and how you think
you’re dropped out have you ever thought
how your life could be better off if you
had gotten your Harvard degree well I
I’m a weird dropout because I take
college courses all the time I love
learning company courses and things so I
love being a student and there were
smart people around and you know they
fed you and they gave you these nice
grades that made you feel smart so I
feel it was unfortunate that I didn’t
get to stay there but I don’t think I
missed any knowledge because you know
whatever I needed to learn I would I was
still in a learning mode this question
from Twitter and I answered the question
in one word you’ve lived a life
dominated by doubt and fear how do you
step into bravery step that’s how you
step into bravery step take the step
step aggressively towards your fear and
that that step towards your fear is the
step into bravery because we were scared
of what we don’t know and there is only
one way to learn and to know and that is
to confront that fear you have to step
you have to go and this simple action
this simple attitude it answers so many
questions
my theory here would be if you’re afraid
of fighting and altercations go change
it so if you’re afraid of heights work
on some rock climbing climbing if you’re
afraid of the water
it’s time to swim it’s time to surf it’s
trying to get out there if you’re afraid
of pull-ups if if you’re afraid
duplet if you’re in squats do squats if
you’re afraid of public speaking go
speak in public mm-hmm if you’re afraid
to start a business start a business
make it small and on all these what you
have to do is you have to mitigate the
risk and you have to ease yourself into
it but you got to go for it and
eventually you will overcome that fear
but the hard part is you gotta take that
first step you got to take that first
step to begin to inoculate yourself
against the fear against the fear of the
thing that’s in your mind because that
fear generally is in your mind yeah you
know when you get up on stage do a
public speaking people are not gonna
throw tomatoes at you and say oh my
you’re an idiot get off the stage no
thirty they’re gonna sit there you know
so there’s nothing to fear
I started Microsoft I didn’t think of it
as all that risky I mean I was so
excited about what we were doing it’s
true I could have gone bankrupt but you
know I had a set of skills that were
highly employable and in fact my parents
were still willing to let me go back to
Harvard and finish my education if I
wanted to you’ve always got a job what
they built and the only the thing that
was scary to me wasn’t quitting and
starting the company it was when I
started hiring my friends and they
and and then we had customers who went
bankrupt customers that I counted on to
come through and so then I got this
incredibly conservative approach that I
wanted to have enough money in the bank
to pay a year’s worth of payroll even if
we didn’t get in heat any payments
coming in and I’m almost true to that
the whole time we have about 10 billion
now which is pretty much enough for the
next year anyway you know I if you’re
gonna start a company it takes so much
energy that you know you it better
overcome your your feeling of risk I
don’t think that you necessarily if
you’re gonna start a company should do
it at the start of your career I think
there’s a lot to be said for working for
a company learning how they do things
you know if you’re young it’s hard to go
lease premises they made that hard for
me you couldn’t rent a car when you were
under 25 at the time so I was always
taking taxis to go see customers people
would you know people say well we’re
gonna go have a discussion in the bar
and you know that’s fun because I’ll
tell you
when people are first skeptical and then
go this kid doesn’t know anything then
when you show them you’ve really got a
good product and you know something they
actually tend to go overboard and they
think whoa
you know they know a lot let’s really do
an incredible amount with these people
so our youth at least in this country
was a huge asset for us once we reached
a certain threshold it is hard it’s hard
to hire old older people because they’ll
be a little bit conservative about
whether they should come in and take the
risk and it took three or four years
before we could go out into the normal
sort of employment pool but those those
problems that come with starting the
firm you better think of those as as
part of the the pleasure part of the the
the challenge that that is part of the
the excitement see someone woke me up
that’s all I want to do with someone
else what the man said to me the first
guy he said you can have whatever you
want well you know they get thinking
that you can get out of the box that’s
where you’ve been given an imagination
to get out of the box it’s with your
imagination that you build the images of
what you want and if you can build the
image you can do it you can hold it in
your head you can hold it in your hand
when we understand that like I would
imagine this goes out to a lot of
athletes as that well they can they can
have anything they want they got to pay
the price and when don’t comes in check
it out
you have four years ever since you were
a little boy I have been called a nerd
do you care does it hurt you
well nerd means a lot of things I’m
somebody who can sit and read a book
about science for hours on end and you
know I don’t mind being labeled as
somebody who who finds that interesting
there is hardly a day in which something
is not written about Microsoft it has
become almost a frenzy you’re being
called the evil empire you forget being
called a nerd you are now being called
arrogant greedy the devil who read all
this stuff I heard that this has been
said what do you say about all of this
well it’s a very competitive
business and absolutely when you have
the level of success that we’ve had when
you have a business that’s important as
this with this many competitors you’re
going to have people saying some nasty
things and so you have to learn a little
bit not to take it too personally if
you’re about to do something for the
first time chances are high that you
might embarrass yourself but what it
means is if you’re willing to be the
kind of person that is willing to
embarrass themselves it means you’re
trying something new it means you’re
going for it when everybody else sits on
the sidelines and so one of the things
that I would encourage you to do is that
when you feel that tingling like you’re
starting to hold yourself back because
you start thinking about what all your
friends are thinking about that’s a
moment to go oh this is what that lady
was talking about five four three two
one I’m going for it if you suddenly
find yourself to be say a sophomore in
college at Harvard what do you think you
would study and how do you think you’d
spend your time engaging activities well
the thing that you’re likely to be
world-class at is whatever you obsessed
over from say age 12 to 18 you know in
my case it was writing software where I
would think I was good and then I would
meet somebody who would tell me I wasn’t
and I would look at their code and I
went through four sort of comeuppance
–is of oh that’s what a really good
programmer looks like and part of the
reason I worship digital equipment was
eventually it was a couple of their very
best programmers who came and shared
with me how they thought about how they
did thing and I had studied their code
and and I and their there were several
people who are so key am i doing that so
today I would go into you know software
which today that means going into
artificial intelligence you know
computers still can’t read they they
cannot take a book of information and
say pass an AP test on that book and
that’s a solvable problem but it’s a
knowledge representation problem and you
know I’ve always want me to solve that
problem I’m jealous that maybe one of
you gets
to work on that you know unlikely to go
back and be hands-on in that in that way
but it’s the juiciest problem ever I’ve
thought about it for a long time you’re
not a procrastinator you have a habit of
procrastinating big difference because
if it’s a habit I can teach you to use
science to break it you see all habits
have three parts there’s a trigger and
in the case of procrastination the
triggers always stress then there’s a
pattern you repeat and in the case of
procrastination it is to avoid doing
something and then there’s a reward you
get a little stress release the only way
to break a habit you guys is not to deal
with the triggers you’re never gonna get
rid of the stress in your life but you
can 100% change your pattern of avoiding
work so next time that you’re in a
situation where you feel yourself
hesitate you spent way too much time
checking out the highlights from last
night’s scores what you’re gonna do is
you’re gonna go up I must be stressed
out about something acknowledge the
stress then go 5 4 3 2 1 I want you to
count yourself because I want you to
interrupt the habit that’s stored here
and I want you to awaken your prefrontal
cortex then I want you to just work just
for five minutes the reason why I want
you to only work for five minutes is
because your problem isn’t working it’s
the habit of avoiding I just need you to
start and here’s the other cool thing we
know based on research that if we can
get you to start 80% of you are going to keep going
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