up major time to do minor things I’m
telling you you’ll be behind the curve
constantly time is precious life is not
just the passing of time life is not
just the passing of time life is a
collection of experiences their
frequency and their intensity life is
not just watching the clock tick away
life is a collection of experiences
their intensity their frequency when my
friend mark died at age 44 someone says
that’s young to die but what if he lived
four lifetimes in one might not be too
young whatever the span of your life
turns out to be here’s what you want to
fill it up with experiences and the
intensity of those experiences but now
let’s talk about the management of time
now doctors down approaches to the
management of time here’s the first one
ignore the subject I mean that’s good
advice
don’t let anything overly bug you
remember now you don’t have to do
anything
summer I got to get a handle on my time
the answer’s no you don’t if you want to
let it all go you can let it all go
I mean this is good advice somebody says
you ought you ought you ought jot this
down they ignore all the you arts or you
should only if they’re giving general
information we should it’s better to say
if you’re teaching we should not you
should we should then you let me listen
in without it being too confrontational
if everyone did this see that’d be great
and then you give a person a chance to
choose to do it or not to do it but when
you start the you ought you ought now
see if I don’t now see we got some
tension and maybe
problems so you arts seem to always
create problems because this is personal
dignity and you don’t want to destroy
somes dignity by doing all the arts and
they feel reluctant to do it now we’ve
got problems so if you want to just
ignore this subject on time management
now here’s the next one step down to
something easier the guys in sales and
he says oh I want to own the company
finally owns the company now he’s got no
time to play golf he said when I was in
sales I was making big money playing
golf three days a week heck with this
own in something heck with managing my
life was never my own after I started to
manage I’m going back to sales see this
is the key if you’re getting too pressed
you might consider stepping down to
something with a little easier time
pressure little girl says to her mother
daddy comes home brings his briefcase
and Pat’s me on the head and says hello
disappears and works on these papers how
come my daddy doesn’t play with me and
her mother said look your daddy loves
you very much but he’s so busy at work
he can’t get it all done he has to bring
it home he loves you but that’s why he
can’t play with you and the little girl
said why don’t they just put him in a
slower group so jot this down now if you
don’t have time for your kids you might
consider joining a slower group remember
when I said some things I went for cost
me too much so reconsider next key to
time management that’s work longer and
harder but see there’s a limit to that I
almost lost my health the first year I
went so crazy about personal development
and achievement I just went bonkers you
know I told you I was skinny but the end
of that first year I was a walking
shadow and then it suddenly occurred to
me what if I got rich and too ill to
spend it I mean that was a shocker
so I started developing a little more
reasonable because I said if 12 hours
won’t do it all work 14 if that won’t do
it I’ll work 18 I mean how many hours it
takes and sure enough it cost me too
much so see work
longer and harder for some might be
appropriate you know if you’re just
sitting around not doing that much this
might be good work longer and harder but
you can only work so hard here’s the key
not to work harder but smarter when
you’ve worked as hard as you can doing
the best you can in terms of physical
output in the time reasonable time now
here’s the ultimate in the management of
time and that is you simply become more
skillful when I first got into sales you
know I was around people that could get
you know nine out of ten eight out of
ten and when I first started I could
only get one out of ten but here’s what
I did I worked around the clock around
the clock so that I would make up in
numbers what I lacked in skill that’s
good in sales you got to jot that down
when you’re new you make up in numbers
which you lack in skill now when you
become more skillful the numbers can go
down because now you’re persuasive
ability and all of that is now so high
that you don’t need to put as many
numbers out but at first if you want to
compete or if you want to really get
good you’ve got to put in the numbers
but if you get more from yourself
develop more of yourself now the time
management becomes an easier task now
here’s the next thing either you run the
project or it runs you I found out when
you start something at first you’re in
charge all of a sudden a year later it’s
in charge some of the companies I
started I’m telling you I’m in control a
couple of years later I’m out of control
at first I’ve got it on the run two
years later it’s got me on the run
haven’t got enough time I’m dizzy with
trying to get it all done so here’s part
of the key that’s to get in charge teach
it to start something first thing you
know you’re out of control it’s in
control the enterprise you get started
now runs you ragged because I did that
when I had the whole 13 offices and the
big entourage I’m telling you it was
like short nights and long days and just
sort of the never ceasing demand for
time and activity which was fine at that
time in my life it was fine and created
a lot of good results and laid some good
foundation for a lot of future careers
that came from those unique times
there’s a pretty long list of people who
were inspired by it and educated by it
and participated in that program I had
going but then I reach ange the format
to sort of rearrange my own life
personally which is paid off for me now
I have a heavy workload but if you
finally get to the place where you have
most everything done for you I still
farm in Idaho but I’m what’s known as a
gentleman farmer a gentleman farmer
gives orders and other people do the
work it’s different than being a farmer
doing the work yourself I know that
because I was raised in the farm country
where I still have my farm but now I
have the luxury of participants who look
after my agriculture look after my home
building my daughter looks after all of
my accounts and my residences and my
real estate and I have good partners in
business that’s extra luxury where you
can do your specialty and other people
working make it valuable one of my
albums is entitled take charge of your
life take charge of your time take
charge of your resources take charge of
your health you’re the one that’s
responsible for it it’s not a
requirement of society that you not have
a heart attack and take care of your
family that’s not a requirement of
society but you must make it a
requirement of yourself
Society doesn’t require that you build a
financial wall around your family
nothing can get through that’s not a
requirement of society
it’s the requirement you impose on
yourself to build a financial wall
around your family nothing can get
through so impose on yourself the self
development of being in charge taking
charge of your life and your health and
your future and your responsibilities
and all
next reasonable time is enough time to
achieve all of your goals just stuff
that then reasonable time is enough time
I had to learn that reasonable time is
here’s why it’s not the hours you put in
that’s what you put in the hours if you
start depositing greater ideas in the
BRZ you’ve got later than now I’m
telling you later you can’t believe the
productivity that will flow the idea is
you can’t think of now a year from now
they’ll start to flow and when you
deposit those ideas in the hours you’ve
got productivity multiplies by two three
five ten next time management essential
a written set of goals and then do
priorities on your goals what’s
important this week what’s important
this month here’s the next one
often review just go over your goals to
make sure that your list is working for
you it’s got you inspired it’s got you
turned on so missus how come you’re up
so early see if you were headed when I’m
here did you’d be up early too if you
were gonna meet who I’m gonna meet you’d
be up early if it was gonna stock up for
you like it’s stacking up for me you’d
be gettin up early here’s the more time
management essentials learn to study
what we call majors and minors here’s
what you must say when you pick up the
phone is this a major conversation or a
minor conversation if it’s minor a few
pleasantries and you’re done if it’s
major maybe you’ve got to make a few
notes so here’s the next one
important conversations make an agenda
before you make the call just jot down a
little agenda it’s so easy now to just
talk out of your head – ever hear a
conversation ended like this let’s see
there was something else
see you don’t look that Swift I can’t
think of it right now I’ll call you back
see you look a little incompetent let’s
see there was something it escapes me
so we got this now make an agenda before
you make a call if it’s an important
call now later that saves you all kinds
of stuff you call John in the salesman
say John remember those four things we
went over said no we didn’t talk about
that and then you pull out your date
time or whatever and there’s the list
you made when you made the call he said
oh yes seems like I do remember and
you’ve got him with your list if it’s
just sales people especially can talk
you out of what’s in your head it’s true
no we didn’t talk about that and if you
don’t have a little proof I’m telling
you it’s gone so make an agenda before
you make a call so what’s a major what’s
don’t major in minor things if you take
up major time to do minor things I’m
telling you you’ll be behind the curve
constantly here’s what we learn in sales
training what’s major time on what’s
minor time
here’s minor time thinking about
prospects
here’s minor time making list of
prospects here’s minor time keeping
books on prospects
here’s minor time going to see the
here’s minor time evaluating the
prospect after you’ve been there that’s
all minor time
here’s major time in the presence of the
prospect that’s major time if you’re in
sales and you took a look at a week
you’d say my gosh I’m spending 90% of my
time on the minor stuff and so little
time on the major stuff in the presence
of how many hours in the presence of in
my day how many hours in the presence of
during my sales week because the time
that really counts is in the presence of
possible majors and minors
here’s another key time management
essential don’t mistake movement for
achievement it’s easy to get faked out
by being busy guy comes home at night
all exhausted falls in the chair and
says oh I’ve been going going going
here’s the big question
doing what it’s not the goal and go and
go and some people are going going going
and they’re doing figure 8 their
progress is small so don’t mistake
movement for achievement here’s another
one in sales we learned don’t mistake
courtesy for consent if somebody’s
Pleasant and they nod you say oh they’re
going to buy know they’re courteous you
can’t mistake courtesy for consent now
here’s a big one concentration I had to
learn this all those years ago I’m in
the shower trying to compose a letter
so here’s what I learned to do save them
work till you get to the office save the
work can you get to the work don’t try
to get to the office on the way to work
on the way to work enjoy the way and the
shower enjoy the shower then go to work
when you get to work I found this to be
helpful concentration here’s another big
one learn to say no I’m telling you in
such a social society we have now it’s
so easy to try to be a nice person
saying yes yes yes to everything find
yourself overloaded now you got to call
make the well gosh you know all the time
it takes to back out of something that
you should said yes to too quickly
here’s what might be better I don’t
think so but if that changes I’ll call
you little things you can use not to
overcommit yourself my friend Ron rental
says don’t let your mouth overload your
back it’s a good one now here’s the big
one on time management when you work
work when you play play don’t mix the
two don’t work at play now here’s one of
the most important ones don’t play at
work work is too serious you don’t want
the reputation of being the office Joker
it’s not a good one yes there’s time for
some Pleasant stories yes there’s time
for a little humor yes best if it’s a
happy office of course but I’m telling
you got to be serious about work because
you’re parting with a piece of your life
for the work you do your work costs you
a piece of your life here’s what it’s
called serious business not grim not
don’t play it work
the only person I don’t think we use
anymore horse around with the office
play around play jokes play tricks no
place not at the workplace at the
beaches at the bar use not you’ve got to
treat work with all do conservative
auction because it’s leading you to your
future next analyze how you are and if
you have some weaknesses it doesn’t seem
like you can change here’s the key get
it covered I used to keep promising
myself I’d keep the books keep the books
keep the books finally I gave that up
and back then it only took me an extra
50 60 bucks a month for some accountant
to keep the books as a no I’m going to
save the 50 bucks you can’t believe what
I started losing in productivity’s
because I tried to save the 50 bucks so
the key is a lot of times you can stay
like you are but just make sure you get
it covered okay next
beware of the telephone and all other
systems of communication especially the
telephone at home and systems of
communication at home let all
communication system serve you but don’t
let them intrude when it comes time to
have dinner with your family you shut
off all systems unless the ones that can
take messages silently
don’t let the phone ring don’t let
anybody intrude come through the front
door nor the back door nor through the
telephone or any other device so you
can’t reach John and his family when
he’s having dinner the President of the
United States couldn’t get through if
you develop that kind of a reputation
father mother when we have dinner when
we’re visiting and have this time with
our family nothing intrudes so don’t let
these clever little devices keep
intruding you’ve got to have a place
that
Sanctus it’s valuable you don’t let
anything in for that period of time I
ask your government debt has been many
years ago I said what did your
television cost I knew it was a great
television watcher he said four hundred
dollars I said that’s not true he said
no I paid $400 for this television is it
I said well let me tell you what I think
it’s costing you because I know what
kind of talent and skills you’ve got I
think it’s costing you about forty
thousand dollars a year not to own it
but to watch it it’s not owning a
television set that’s expensive it’s
watching it that’s expensive what else
could you do at that time one if you’ve
got plenty of money in terms of
lifestyle but if you haven’t got plenty
of money what if you took the television
time and properly employed it by
learning a couple of extra skills no
telling what would happen to your income
I mentioned this to this guy he got so
inspired and convicted with my little
talk there that he had his
brother-in-law bring over his pickup and
haul away his television set he said
well you could just take it away
yourself that no I don’t want to do that
you know I want to do it right now come
and get this thing and take it away he
said I’ve got a new philosophy
I’m gonna take my TV time and turn it
into fortune all it takes is an idea and
doesn’t have to be that radical but he
wanted it to make a statement let’s get
this thing out of here
and later you know he had another
television but now he learned to shut it
off and use time wisely but at the
moment he wanted to prove to himself
that he was ready to do something
radical said Jim Rohn is right this
television has costed me a fortune not
to own it own it is cheap watching it so
it’s expensive so you just have to learn
to ration the time television is useful
but you got there wisely uses it’s like
food you must wisely use food in
leadership we teach enough food to be
healthy and gather strength and no more
so you just have to learn the no more
make that your philosophy how much rest
enough to be healthy and gather strength
and no more why would you spend any more
than just enough to gather strength and
be healthy on both food and rest but if
you over indulge in food and rest they
become a detriment now not a support I
think if you look at things that way let
them serve but not intrude it’s like a
television set if you let it serve fine
but if you let it intrude on everybody’s
time the average family watches
television who had seven hours a day see
that’s probably too much it’s not that
the television isn’t good it is good but
it’s too much time devoted to one fairly
intrusive instrument in your house so
let it serve not intrude that’s a good
philosophy I find if you come up with a
philosophy and an attitude it helps to
set the tone of things you do don’t do
correct rearrange turn upside down try
it another way until something works
better for you I think that’s good
advice how many stories do we hear now
some people that are addicted to the
computer the wife says honey let’s go he
just he can’t let go we can’t shut it
off then you know you’ve got a problem
right so I think everything doesn’t
matter whether it’s alcohol or drugs or
a computer
I’ll being online I found out not from
my own experience but mother’s I know
so you got to make sure when you’re
online that you’re not off track but
it’s not difficult to be online and off
track in terms of time allotment what
absorbs your attention if all of your
thoughtful time is used for busy time
rather than creative time then the
encroachment on your creative time is
just probably too heavy we need time to
Napoleon Hills book says think nowadays
they say get online Napoleon says no
think thinking let’s grow let’s all
think and grow rich think of better ways
to do things think of a better time a
day schedule think of better ways to be
creative
one of the great time management savers
is to learn to ask questions upfront
sometimes you talk to somebody for an
hour and then you ask questions and find
out if you would have asked those
questions up front you could have saved
yourself an hour asking questions up
front helps you to get to the problem
now but if you just launch into some
discourse you might waste thirty minutes
waste an hour when here’s what you
should have been talking after you
finished an hour you say John what’s
really the problem is that well is
something personal
see that’s what she could have been
talking about this whole hour next learn
some ways to think on paper one solving
problems take it out of your head and
put it on paper another one is setting
goals here’s another good way to think
on paper it’s a projects book each
person you’re working with and each
project you’re working on get a
loose-leaf binder and a tab and some
pieces of paper behind the tab and do a
little continual summary of how it’s
going between you and that person and
between you and that project I call it a
project book it is so useful to me
what’s going on between you and this
person
when you last got together what did you
talk about and you got a few notes there
here’s what we talked about the last
time we got together now when you get
together again you can review that so
you’ll know better what to talk about
when the president gets ready to travel
and he’s going to meet some important
people guess what they bringing all
these briefing books right the last time
you were with Khrushchev Kennedy is
informed here’s what he said nears what
you said Kennedy said oh that’s valuable
I need to remember that if a person is
important it’s worth a little running
account you might even have a project
book for your children here’s what’s
happening between me and my child we’ve
talked about this and we’ve talked about
this and we talked about this next add a
timer keeping track of all of your
appointments you know mine is all filled
with you know when to catch an airplane
and when to do a seminar when to sit
down and have a conference all the rest
next is a game plan you know if you’ve
got a house and the you know insurance
is going to come due and some other
things are going to come do you just put
it on a spreadsheet make sure it’s taken
care of
key phrase take things out of your head
and put them on paper and the key is to
just experiment with different ways that
helps you to do that now here’s the last
one thinking on paper and that’s to keep
a journal one of the things I’m known
for around the world have been now for
39 40 years is keeping a journal now my
journal is not necessarily
diary it might be part diary you know
I’m flying over Ireland and write down a
few little things that impressed me
today I met this person wow what an
extraordinary event today the scent I
conducted this seminar in Rome thousand
people stood up and saying for me I’ve
got a little bit of a diary in there but
here’s what primarily your general is
for collecting good ideas a journalist
to collect good ideas on your health and
good ideas for your business good ideas
for your future good ideas for time
management because I used to take notes
on pieces of paper and torn off corners
and backs of old envelopes and
restaurant placemats and I threw all
this stuff in the drawer it did not
serve me well I found Lea learn to get a
bound copy right and just keep a journal
write five is here I had my journal I’d
be taking notes write these two days in
my journal now if you’re caught without
your journal you just take the notes
when you get back home you put those
notes in your journal throw the paper
away because we don’t usually go through
paper to review but see my journals now
make up a significant part of my own
library my journals all reserved
privately for my children and my
grandchildren
can you imagine what I’ve collected over
the years unbelievable
there are three treasures to leave
behind here they are number one your
pictures don’t leave the event
unrecorded takes only a fraction of a
second to say here’s who I was with when
I travel the world we take all these
pictures and here’s one of the gifts
people send me the pictures they took of
me and them it’s part of the treasures I
have on the farm incredible a picture’s
worth a thousand words to describe the
scene the emotion what happened say wow
this was an extraordinary day for me
when I met these people here’s what they
told me happened to them when they went
to my seminar 10 years ago wow the drama
comes back if you’ve taken the pictures
it’s one of the treasures to leave
behind when
you go remember the old photographs that
we have now you know hundred years ago
seventy eighty years ago just a few
photographs what would it be like if you
had thousands of photographs of the past
of your history your mother your father
my grandparents so change all of that
now for your children leave all your
photographs as a record here’s what’s
next to leave behind and that’s your
library the books that changed your life
the books that change your health the
books that rescued you from oblivion the
books that you passed on to other people
they were so exciting for you the books
that made you financially independent
the books that developed your leadership
the books that gave you wisdom to ponder
when things were tough the books that
got you through the winter the books
that helped you to plant in the spring
I think you have to pay attention to the
details don’t let too much time pass
without staying in touch if we partly
took a survey right now here are the 20
most important people in my life how
long has it been since I sat down with
this one or called this one or wrote a
letter to this one we’d probably say wow
the man is right
just that little comment making a list
of 20 and saying how long has it been I
can see where some of them has been too
long
you know there’s considered very close
friends we just have to pay more
attention and I just now thought about
that make a list of 20 and say how long
has it been we try to think of it we
make a phone call I think wow it’s been
too long I got to have lunch we got to
get together and some that may live in
your own community where it’s a little
easier to stay in touch but you know
some of our friends are not close by
staying in touch is just a vitally
important part of developing a good
relationship take care of those things
that matter what doesn’t matter to you
say if nobody calls me on my birthday
that doesn’t matter but for someone else
it does matter so you just make sure
that gets done those kind of things it’s
easy especially in a busy society and
like myself you know getting on an
airplane flying off to some of the
country and be still busy doing that and
the preparation for doing it and then
recovering when you get home it’s easy
to let things slide but we always later
have some regrets that we didn’t stay in
touch more often especially somebody
older that passes write to say when I
should have made more phone calls and
stayed in touch but whatever it takes to
keep a good relationship going
it’s like tending a garden you can’t let
it go too long without tending the
things that matter making sure the
flourishes
something well-nourished which is true
of all of our daddies we must protect
them like a father and nourish them like
a mother make sure they give us full
value and then be a full value to
someone not that you have to be around
all the time but to be available there’s
an ancient phrase here’s what it says if
you try to save your life you will lose
it but if you will lose your life
meaning if you will invest your life
that’s the best way to save it and to
multiply it many times over so here’s
the phrase investing life into life has
the potential of creating miracles
investing life into life investing life
into life creates a new baby but
investing life into life with ideas
information Association influence can
create Enterprise can create a
corporation can create a business can
create a movement can create something
that benefits many more people than just
those few that might have invested in
each other’s lives so that should be one
of your goals is to be valuable enough
to invest in somebody else’s life
starting first if you’re married with
your children and then invest in each
other marriage and friendship these
associations are a chance to invest in
each other a business enterprise Bill
Bailey and I’ve been involved in other
enterprises but the enterprise you know
fortunately was successful and we had a
chance to affect a lot of other people’s
lives but guess what happened over those
years and which continues to today we
continue to invest in each other I come
up with a great idea I get on the phone
I call him he comes up with a book he’s
read just said this is a masterpiece
you’ve got to read it so we have this
chance to invest each other and while we
walked the farm country of Kentucky we
invest in each other we walked the
beaches of California and he has a habit
of grabbing your arm when you’re walking
and talking so he would grab my arm
until listen when we get sore and then
we’d trade places so he could you know
grab the
for a while while we’re walking and
talking but a chance to contribute to
each other and what I share with him he
shares with others in what he shares
with me I share with you and others
around the world that contribution of
sharing with each other being
influential leadership making a
contribution to someone’s life that no
telling how far it may go from the time
it starts friendship is one of the most
valuable possessions in the world good
friends relationships you know what
really matters when we all get right
down to it is that inner circle when we
should spend as much time as possible
maximum time maybe borrow a little from
other things that aren’t quite that
valuable that are essential but not
quite that valuable and spend more time
family inner circle close friends
because that’s where a lot of the drive
and ambition to do well comes from
making dreams come true for that inner
circle you and them furnishes the fuel
for high ambition not to be ambitious
just for the name or for the fame or for
the money or for the useful things you
can do like generosity for the future
but at least to do as much as you can to
nourish that association and
communication inner circle conversations
in art whether it’s with a child or
whether it’s with husband and wife or
friends used to be years ago we wrote
letters that only got sent or you know
received once in a while now we just
jump on the phone and talk but back then
people seem to take thoughtful care
about putting into words how they really
felt and it’s easy to be a bit too
casual and not put as much how you
really care into language especially
when we’re talking all day long and all
day long it’s hard to be that unique
when we really would like to be unique
say something extraordinary about how we
feel but it gets lost in sort of the
mundane ordinary conversation rather
than taking the time to say something
unique about how you care and about how
you
each new occasion is a chance to be it’s
one expression called born again a
reborn we have a father for the first
time as well as a new baby we have a new
father so it’s the new baby’s life to
work out now it’s also the new father’s
life and probably as a father best
instruction would be to study and
practice and work hard it’s in if you
couldn’t be a class a father if it’s the
mother’s first time we have a brand new
baby but a brand new mother now that she
has a chance to live a brand new life
different life experience than ever
before shouldn’t she study and practice
and learn listen try to find ways to
become a class a mother about 16 years
ago I became a grandfather and I have
practiced diligently now the last 16
years of being a five-star grandfather
to my two grandchildren Nathaniel and
Natalie they’re exceptional highly
talented I just published a book of my
granddaughter’s poems that she wrote
when she was 12 and the art illustration
by her brother Nathaniel I love what I
see is the title by Natalie pan gracio
now she’s 15 and she’s written now a
collection of ten stories for children
and her brother Nathaniel is an
accomplished classical pianist he writes
music sends it off for competition these
are talented kids artists writers and
musicians at such a young age so what
I’ve done is tried to specialize helping
my granddaughter publish this book when
she was like 14 the poem she wrote when
she was 12 it’s really good I’ve got to
read you something I told you about my
granddaughter Natalie she wrote these
poems and we’re publishing them and
here’s one when she was 12
from those whose imaginations love to
take flight they will use even a flower
to determine wrong from right an iris is
like wisdom the deep color like the
depth of knowledge and the yellow like
the bright ideas one receives the
knowledge spreads upwards as do the
irises leaves a lily is simplicity like
the whiteness of its flower but in
simplicity there is beauty like the
yellow stamens tower truth is like a
dandelion which is bold and has not
sinned and truth is spread far and wide
like dandelions seeds upon the wind they
soon find a place to rest and grow in
someone’s heart and the cycle begins
again just as it did start a daisy is
like happiness and spreads its face to
the Sun it loves everything around it
and in everything finds fun hate is like
a thistle
which is awful and sharp to the touch it
combines envy anger and most of all
disgust and finally best of all love
represents a rose love the sweet to your
heart as a rose is to your nose love
combines trust hope faith and integrity
there are good paths and bad paths and
no matter which one you chose love is
just as sweet as the loveliest rose my
everything you can think of to dazzle
your grandchildren and have them
thinking you’re the greatest and the
best ever but it’s pure joy and you have
to pay attention it’s some work involved
from the course and making a good
relationship like that work but the
payoff is incredible for the small price
to pay one of my dear friends asked me
said I’ve got teenagers now what else
can I do to influence their life and I
said maybe not that much but here’s two
good words to consider now that they’re
teenagers the key is to be available and
capable capable of good answers when
they need them capable of counsel when
they need it available when they need to
make a call but trying to daily
influence somebody’s life you know after
they’ve become especially teenagers
right it’s a tough job to do but if I
think can you settled for that being
available and capable I want to be
well-read have good command of language
be able to translate my own feelings and
experiences into useful conversations so
that when the need arises I’ll have
something valuable and wise to say
however short or long it may be it’s
like fishing you know you can’t jerk too
hard or you lose them and you can’t
leave too much slack you know let them
off the line they’re gone so it’s called
pull pull pull easy easy
pull pull easy easy to learn how to fish
to catch fish it’s kind of the same with
communication strong enough but not too
strong it can’t be weak or the point
doesn’t get across it has to be strong
strong without being rude I say in one
sense that’s more a presence but in
communication as well well chosen words
mixed with measured emotion not too much
not too little when the actor gives a
performance if the script is well
written that’s part of the structure the
rest is delivery part of it is style but
part of it is enough emotion for the
point not too much and I think parents
have to do the same sometimes kids have
a valid objection to
it’s not that big a deal
and in the parents mine you know they’ve
made it into this monster deal when it
really isn’t but if you always make
everything into a big monster deal when
it isn’t kids get a bit misled by that
the key is to save up that emotional
content of making something a big deal
if it’s a big deal and be a little more
rational and emotionally contained when
it isn’t such a big deal more thoughtful
than volume more caring than loud I
don’t know it’s an art it’s a bit tricky
dealing with kids right you got to tell
them what you love and what you hate I
love you but I hate what’s happening
they need to know both how do you put
those strong feelings in the same
sentence love and hate but we’ve got to
do it because we have to deal with both
you know what’s right what’s wrong
what’s better
what’s okay what would be better we all
struggle with the language words are
clumsy sometimes when you try to express
what’s going on in your head let alone
here’s the best I can give you I’m not a
counselor but this is great stuff here’s
number one if the parents are okay the
kids are okay chances are high odds are
high if the parents are okay the kids
are okay your own self development is
the best contribution you can give to
your children not self-sacrifice self
development and contribution self
sacrifice usually earns contempt self
development and self investment earns
respect I used to use the old phrase
I’ll take care of you you take care of
me I found out how short into debt was I
changed it in Bob Cummings the old movie
star help me to change it here it is
I’ll take care of me for you if you’ll
take care of you for me the best
contribution I can make to you you’re my
friend is my personal development what
if I become ten times wiser ten times
stronger ten times better ten times more
unique think of what that will do for
our friendship if the parents multiply
their own personal value by two by three
by five by ten what would that do for
if the parents are happy I’m telling you
the kids will be happy if the parents
engage in unique lifestyle don’t miss
anything
drink deep of the cup of whatever’s
available I’m telling you if the parents
are okay the kids are probably going to
be okay Wow
if you’re on an airplane the stewardess
says if we run out of oxygen these masks
are going to drop down and then she says
make sure you take care of your children
no would you underline no would you
underline no no have you got that you
should take care of your children first
no it says put your mask on first you
take care of yourself first then you
assist your children and I just
mentioned that would be a good title of
a book wouldn’t it for parents put your
mask on first isn’t this good
information I couldn’t wait to get here
that’s contribution to your company is
your self-development the best
contribution to your husband or your
wife is your personal development to
become all you can become as wise as you
can and as kind as you can and as unique
as you can that’s the best contribution
not self-sacrificing self-development
and self invested here’s one more on
that with your family or whatever
decisions you have to make if you’ve
made the decision best decision you can
but it’s gonna cause some pain here’s
what you must learn to do accept the
pain but not the guilt there’s part of
our heads sometimes it tries to make us
feel guilty if we’ve made a decision
that’s been painful not just for us but
maybe even for other people but it had
to be made so here’s the key to accept
the pain but not the guilt because it’s not pain that destroys you it’s guilt