life is a bitch then you die
so while staring at my navel the other
day I decided that that bitch
happens in four stages
here they are stage 1 mimicry we are
born helpless we can’t walk can’t talk
can’t feed ourselves can’t even do our
own damn taxes as children the way we’re
wired to learn is by watching and
mimicking others first we learn to do
physical skills like walk and talk then
we develop social skills by watching and
mimicking our peers around us then
finally in late childhood we learn to
adapt to our culture by observing the
rules and norms around us and trying to
behave in such a way that is generally
considered acceptable by society the
goal of stage one is to teach us how to
function within society so that we can
be autonomous self-sufficient adults the
idea is that the adults in the community
around us help us to reach this point
through supporting our ability to make
decisions and take action ourselves but
some adults and community members around
us suck they punish us for our
independence they don’t support our
decisions and therefore we don’t develop
autonomy we get stuck in stage one
endlessly mimicking those around us
endlessly attempting to please all so
that we might not be judged in a normal
healthy individual stage one will last
until late adolescence and early
adulthood for some people it may last
further into adulthood a select few wake
up one day at age 45 realizing they’ve
never actually lived for themselves and
wonder where the hell the years went
this is stage one the mimicry the
constant search for approval and
validation the absence of independent
thoughts and personal values we must be
aware of the standards and expectations
of those around us but we must also
become strong enough to act in spite of
those standards and expectations when we
feel it is necessary we must develop the
ability to act by ourselves and for
ourselves
Stage two self-discovery in stage one we
learn to fit in with the people and
culture around us Stage two is about
learning what makes us different from
the people and culture around us
Stage two requires us to begin making
decisions for ourselves to test
ourselves and to understand ourselves
and what makes us unique Stage two
involves a lot of trial and error and
experimentation we experiment with
living in new places hanging out with
new people imbibing new substances and
playing with new people’s orifices Stage
two is a process of self-discovery we
try things
some of them go well some of them don’t
the goal is to stick with the ones that
go well and move on
Stage two lasts until we begin to run up
against our own limitations this doesn’t
sit well with many people but despite
what Oprah and Deepak Chopra may tell
you discovering your own limitations is
a good and healthy thing you’re just
going to be bad at some things no matter
how hard you try and you need to know
what they are
we all must learn what we suck at and
the earlier in our life that we learn it
the better so we’re just bad at some
things then there are other things that
are great for a while but begin to have
diminishing returns after a few years
traveling the world is one example
sexing a ton of people is another
drinking on a Tuesday night is a third
there are many more trust me your
limitations are important because you
must eventually come to the realization
that your time on this planet is limited
and you should therefore spend it on the
things that matter most
that means realizing that just because
you can do something doesn’t mean you
should do it
that means realizing that just because
you like certain people doesn’t mean you
should be with them
that means realizing that there are
opportunity costs to everything and that
you can’t have it all there are some
people who never allow themselves to
feel limitations either because they
refuse to admit their failures or
because they delude themselves into
believing that their limitations don’t
exist these people get stuck in stage
two these are the serial entrepreneurs
who are 38 and living with mom and still
haven’t made any money after 15 years of
trying these are the aspiring actors who
are still waiting tables and haven’t
done an audition in two years these are
the people who can’t settle into a
long-term relationship because they
always have an EIN feeling that there’s
someone better around the corner at some
point we all must admit the inevitable
life is short
not all of our dreams can come true so
we should carefully pick and choose what
we have the best shot at and commit to
it but people stuck in stage 2 spend
most of their time convincing themselves
of the opposite but they are limitless
that they can overcome all that their
life is that of non-stop growth and
ascendance in the world while everyone
else can clearly see that they are
merely running in place people who stay
in stage 2 beyond that are popularly
referred to as those with Peter Pan
syndrome the eternal adolescence always
discovering themselves but finding
nothing stage 3
commitment once you’ve pushed your own
boundaries and either found your
limitations that is athletics the
culinary arts or found the diminishing
returns of certain activities that is
partying video games masturbation then
you are left with what’s both a actually
important to you and B what you’re not
terrible at now it’s time to make your
dent in the world stage three is the
great consolidation of one’s life out go
the friends who are draining you and
holding you back
outgo the activities and hobbies that
are a mindless waste of time out go the
old dreams that are clearly not coming
true any time soon then you double down
on what you’re best at and what is best
to you you double down on the most
important relationships in your life you
double down on a single mission in life
whether that’s to work on the world’s
energy crisis or to be a bitching
digital artist or to become an expert in
brains
whatever it is stage 3 is when you get
it done stage 3 is all about maximizing
your own potential in this life it’s all
about building your legacy
what will you leave behind when you’re
gone stage 3 ends when a combination of
two things happen number one you feel as
though there’s not much else you are
able to accomplish and number two you
get old and tired and find that you
would rather sip martinis and do
crossword puzzles all day in normal
individuals stage 3 generally lasts from
around 30 ish years old until one
reaches retirement age people who get
lodged in stage 3 often do so because
they don’t know how to let go of their
ambition and constant desire for more
this inability to let go of the power
and influence they crave counteracts the
natural calming effects of time and they
will often remain driven and hungry well
into their 70s and 80s stage 4 legacy
people arrive into stage 4 having spent
somewhere around half a century
investing themselves in what they
believed was meaningful and important
they did great things worked hard earned
everything they have maybe he started a
family or a charity or a political or
cultural revolution or two and now
they’re done they’ve reached the age
where their energy and circumstances no
longer allow them to pursue their
purpose any further the goal of stage 4
then becomes not to create a legacy as
much as simply making sure that legacy
lasts beyond one’s death this could be
something as simple as
courting and advising they’re now grown
children and living vicariously through
them
it could mean passing on their projects
and work to a protege or apprentice it
could also mean becoming more
politically active to maintain their
values in a society that they no longer
recognize stage 4 is important
psychologically because it makes the
ever-growing reality of one’s own
mortality more bearable as humans we
have a deep need to feel as though our
lives
mean something this meaning we
constantly search for is literally our
only psychological defense against the
incomprehensible ‘ti of this life and
the inevitability of our own death to
lose that meaning or to watch it slip
away or to slowly feel as though the
world has left you behind is to stare
oblivion in the face and let it consume
you willingly what’s the point
developing through each subsequent stage
of life grants us greater control over
our happiness and well-being in stage
one a person is wholly dependent on
other people’s actions and approval to
be happy this is a horrible strategy
because other people are unpredictable
and unreliable in stage 2 1 becomes
reliant on oneself but they’re still
reliant on external success to be happy
making money accolades victory conquests
etc these are more controllable than
other people but they are still mostly
unpredictable in the long run
stage 3 relies on a handful of
relationships and endeavors that prove
themselves resilient and worthwhile
through stage 2 these are more reliable
and finally stage 4 requires we only
hold on to what we’ve already
accomplished as long as possible at each
subsequent stage happiness becomes based
more on internal controllable values and
less on the externalities of the
ever-changing outside world the solution
at each stage is
then backwards to move beyond stage 1
you must accept that you will never be
enough for everybody all the time and
therefore you must make decisions for
yourself to move beyond stage 2 you must
accept that you will never be capable of
accomplishing everything you can dream
and desire and therefore you must zero
in on what matters most and commit to it
to move beyond stage 3 you must realize
that time and energy are limited and
therefore you must refocus your
attention to helping others take over
the meaningful projects you began to
move beyond stage 4 you must realize
that change is inevitable and at the
influence of one person no matter how
great no matter how powerful no matter
how meaningful will eventually dissipate
– and life will go on [Music]
so while staring at my navel the other
day I decided that that bitch
happens in four stages
here they are stage 1 mimicry we are
born helpless we can’t walk can’t talk
can’t feed ourselves can’t even do our
own damn taxes as children the way we’re
wired to learn is by watching and
mimicking others first we learn to do
physical skills like walk and talk then
we develop social skills by watching and
mimicking our peers around us then
finally in late childhood we learn to
adapt to our culture by observing the
rules and norms around us and trying to
behave in such a way that is generally
considered acceptable by society the
goal of stage one is to teach us how to
function within society so that we can
be autonomous self-sufficient adults the
idea is that the adults in the community
around us help us to reach this point
through supporting our ability to make
decisions and take action ourselves but
some adults and community members around
us suck they punish us for our
independence they don’t support our
decisions and therefore we don’t develop
autonomy we get stuck in stage one
endlessly mimicking those around us
endlessly attempting to please all so
that we might not be judged in a normal
healthy individual stage one will last
until late adolescence and early
adulthood for some people it may last
further into adulthood a select few wake
up one day at age 45 realizing they’ve
never actually lived for themselves and
wonder where the hell the years went
this is stage one the mimicry the
constant search for approval and
validation the absence of independent
thoughts and personal values we must be
aware of the standards and expectations
of those around us but we must also
become strong enough to act in spite of
those standards and expectations when we
feel it is necessary we must develop the
ability to act by ourselves and for
ourselves
Stage two self-discovery in stage one we
learn to fit in with the people and
culture around us Stage two is about
learning what makes us different from
the people and culture around us
Stage two requires us to begin making
decisions for ourselves to test
ourselves and to understand ourselves
and what makes us unique Stage two
involves a lot of trial and error and
experimentation we experiment with
living in new places hanging out with
new people imbibing new substances and
playing with new people’s orifices Stage
two is a process of self-discovery we
try things
some of them go well some of them don’t
the goal is to stick with the ones that
go well and move on
Stage two lasts until we begin to run up
against our own limitations this doesn’t
sit well with many people but despite
what Oprah and Deepak Chopra may tell
you discovering your own limitations is
a good and healthy thing you’re just
going to be bad at some things no matter
how hard you try and you need to know
what they are
we all must learn what we suck at and
the earlier in our life that we learn it
the better so we’re just bad at some
things then there are other things that
are great for a while but begin to have
diminishing returns after a few years
traveling the world is one example
sexing a ton of people is another
drinking on a Tuesday night is a third
there are many more trust me your
limitations are important because you
must eventually come to the realization
that your time on this planet is limited
and you should therefore spend it on the
things that matter most
that means realizing that just because
you can do something doesn’t mean you
should do it
that means realizing that just because
you like certain people doesn’t mean you
should be with them
that means realizing that there are
opportunity costs to everything and that
you can’t have it all there are some
people who never allow themselves to
feel limitations either because they
refuse to admit their failures or
because they delude themselves into
believing that their limitations don’t
exist these people get stuck in stage
two these are the serial entrepreneurs
who are 38 and living with mom and still
haven’t made any money after 15 years of
trying these are the aspiring actors who
are still waiting tables and haven’t
done an audition in two years these are
the people who can’t settle into a
long-term relationship because they
always have an EIN feeling that there’s
someone better around the corner at some
point we all must admit the inevitable
life is short
not all of our dreams can come true so
we should carefully pick and choose what
we have the best shot at and commit to
it but people stuck in stage 2 spend
most of their time convincing themselves
of the opposite but they are limitless
that they can overcome all that their
life is that of non-stop growth and
ascendance in the world while everyone
else can clearly see that they are
merely running in place people who stay
in stage 2 beyond that are popularly
referred to as those with Peter Pan
syndrome the eternal adolescence always
discovering themselves but finding
nothing stage 3
commitment once you’ve pushed your own
boundaries and either found your
limitations that is athletics the
culinary arts or found the diminishing
returns of certain activities that is
partying video games masturbation then
you are left with what’s both a actually
important to you and B what you’re not
terrible at now it’s time to make your
dent in the world stage three is the
great consolidation of one’s life out go
the friends who are draining you and
holding you back
outgo the activities and hobbies that
are a mindless waste of time out go the
old dreams that are clearly not coming
true any time soon then you double down
on what you’re best at and what is best
to you you double down on the most
important relationships in your life you
double down on a single mission in life
whether that’s to work on the world’s
energy crisis or to be a bitching
digital artist or to become an expert in
brains
whatever it is stage 3 is when you get
it done stage 3 is all about maximizing
your own potential in this life it’s all
about building your legacy
what will you leave behind when you’re
gone stage 3 ends when a combination of
two things happen number one you feel as
though there’s not much else you are
able to accomplish and number two you
get old and tired and find that you
would rather sip martinis and do
crossword puzzles all day in normal
individuals stage 3 generally lasts from
around 30 ish years old until one
reaches retirement age people who get
lodged in stage 3 often do so because
they don’t know how to let go of their
ambition and constant desire for more
this inability to let go of the power
and influence they crave counteracts the
natural calming effects of time and they
will often remain driven and hungry well
into their 70s and 80s stage 4 legacy
people arrive into stage 4 having spent
somewhere around half a century
investing themselves in what they
believed was meaningful and important
they did great things worked hard earned
everything they have maybe he started a
family or a charity or a political or
cultural revolution or two and now
they’re done they’ve reached the age
where their energy and circumstances no
longer allow them to pursue their
purpose any further the goal of stage 4
then becomes not to create a legacy as
much as simply making sure that legacy
lasts beyond one’s death this could be
something as simple as
courting and advising they’re now grown
children and living vicariously through
them
it could mean passing on their projects
and work to a protege or apprentice it
could also mean becoming more
politically active to maintain their
values in a society that they no longer
recognize stage 4 is important
psychologically because it makes the
ever-growing reality of one’s own
mortality more bearable as humans we
have a deep need to feel as though our
lives
mean something this meaning we
constantly search for is literally our
only psychological defense against the
incomprehensible ‘ti of this life and
the inevitability of our own death to
lose that meaning or to watch it slip
away or to slowly feel as though the
world has left you behind is to stare
oblivion in the face and let it consume
you willingly what’s the point
developing through each subsequent stage
of life grants us greater control over
our happiness and well-being in stage
one a person is wholly dependent on
other people’s actions and approval to
be happy this is a horrible strategy
because other people are unpredictable
and unreliable in stage 2 1 becomes
reliant on oneself but they’re still
reliant on external success to be happy
making money accolades victory conquests
etc these are more controllable than
other people but they are still mostly
unpredictable in the long run
stage 3 relies on a handful of
relationships and endeavors that prove
themselves resilient and worthwhile
through stage 2 these are more reliable
and finally stage 4 requires we only
hold on to what we’ve already
accomplished as long as possible at each
subsequent stage happiness becomes based
more on internal controllable values and
less on the externalities of the
ever-changing outside world the solution
at each stage is
then backwards to move beyond stage 1
you must accept that you will never be
enough for everybody all the time and
therefore you must make decisions for
yourself to move beyond stage 2 you must
accept that you will never be capable of
accomplishing everything you can dream
and desire and therefore you must zero
in on what matters most and commit to it
to move beyond stage 3 you must realize
that time and energy are limited and
therefore you must refocus your
attention to helping others take over
the meaningful projects you began to
move beyond stage 4 you must realize
that change is inevitable and at the
influence of one person no matter how
great no matter how powerful no matter
how meaningful will eventually dissipate
– and life will go on [Music]
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