most of us think we have a problem in
our life unless we have something that’s
a bigger problem to contrast it with and
when you see this story you walk through
their exact life experience of the
course of these two years the year that
we work with them is thirty days but you
see the course of what’s happened to
them by finding out what’s happening a
year later you begin to understand that
it doesn’t matter what happens in your
life you were more than any moment
there’s no challenge you can’t face and
overcome all the events of our lives
don’t control our lives our decisions do
and so I figured if we could take a
couple that has faced this bigger
challenge and be able to break through
then you could look whatever’s in your
life and make it happen it’s kind of
like if if I wanted to show you that you
could face your biggest fear though your
smaller fears kind of drop aside it’s
like what’s what’s your biggest fear
today one of the biggest fears so many
people in North America and around the
world the Western world of facing is
losing their job it’s a horrific
possibility it has impact on your family
and your psychology or emotion so many
things your choices but the truth of the
matter is what’s a problem losing your
job is a massive problem until you find
yourself in a position where you lose
all your savings what it took you maybe
ten years of working to get then what’s
the problem after losing your savings
that’s not a problem anymore when all of
a sudden you lose your leg or an arm or
something horrific happens to one of
your children that’s not a problem when
someone tells you all of a sudden that
you have terminal cancer then I had
those moments where somebody says you’ve
got that tumor in your brain and we
don’t know what it means those moments
take your other problems and make them
disappear and you know what’s
interesting when you ask most people in
North America what’s the greatest thing
that could ever happen to you give them
10 seconds it’s been done over and over
again first 10 seconds what comes your
mind what’s the best thing that ever
happened in your life the majority of
people North America say what can you
guess winning the lottery and many of
them say winning a hundred million
dollar lottery two hundred million
dollar lottery
so it’s gonna make their quality of life
extraordinary but when you do the
studies and there been many done over
the last 15 or 20 years and people that
win these giant water EES what our lives
like two years later three years later
five years later is the quality of their
life extraordinary rarely if ever
because what’s happened is they haven’t
grown
they haven’t life gives us these events
these quote horrific events because
there’s an area of our life that has to
grow if you were to ask me Tony out of
all the millions of people you’ve worked
with if someone really wants to feel
alive they want joy they want happiness
they don’t just want money or things or
just even respect they want to feel a
sense that life is meaningful and alive
what does it take I tell you one word
progress when you’re making progress in
your life it doesn’t matter where it is
you’re gonna feel more alive if you’re
overweight but you get yourself today
you say you know what I’m stepping into
gear I’m just putting these darn shoes
on I’m not waiting for the perfect you
know person to come by and coach me I’ll
get that too but right now I’m just
going for a walk or I’m gonna go for a
jog or I’m gonna go lift some weights
I’m gonna do something right now and you
get yourself into gear and you do that
for a few days in a row even if you
haven’t lost the 10 20 or 30 pounds yet
you’re gonna start feeling better
immediately because you have the power
of momentum and you’re making progress
progress equals growth growth equals
feeling alive we grow or we die so
what’s the worst thing that could ever
happen in your life same survey asked
the people in North America 10 seconds
to come up with the answer number one
answer to become a quadriplegic that’s
why I made the show because the idea
that I could be in a position where I’d
be alive but I couldn’t physically feed
myself take care of myself that I’d be
completely immobilized for most people
that’s the scariest thought of all to
them that’s the worst possible fear so
by going through this journey with Frank
and Kristin and experiencing their
emotions and seeing and feeling that in
30 days they could go from trapped in
their home where there’s no possibility
of a future no idea of intimacy no idea
of children two world travelers who are
doing things they weren’t doing before
we use quote supposedly able-bodied
happier and stronger and closer in their
love than ever
before and you know it’s real and you
see the results a year later as we do
the follow-ups and you haven’t seen the
follow-ups be sure to see that here
about the story what’s happening with
them when you get that experience it
affects you because it isn’t somebody
verbally telling you a story it’s
something you kind of went through so
the idea here is I’m sure you have some
other fears outside the one that we just
came up with whatever you’re afraid of
the job the loss of relationship
trust me it’s small if you’ll face a
bigger fear that little fear will start
to be handled pretty easily that’s why
when all of us go through in our lives
extreme stress we’re all going to go
through it you’re gonna have a home
burned down or something’s gonna happen
to somebody you love or someone’s gonna
pass before you’re prepared for it which
is almost always or you’re gonna find
yourself in a financial situation that
feels like you can’t turn it around or
you might feel like personal character
assassination or maybe you get mugged or
maybe get a terminal disease we all will
face multiple times in our life extreme
stress the difference in people’s lives
is not what we face it’s what we do with
what we face you can take yourself from
a place where in the face of absolute
total tragedy you triumph but it
requires making some new decisions
taking some new actions and mastering a
part of yourself that can unleash all of
your power and abilities human being
that human spirit as corny as it sounds
can be channeled in a very specific way
and if you do the game of life changes
so I’ll give you another example outside
Frank and Chris and a friend of mine who
just passed recently he’s always been a
deep inspiration man his name is art
Berg and arts a guy that was a young man
good-looking strong athletic he lived in
Utah and he fell in love with his
absolute sweetheart she was you know the
most popular girl the most attractive
girl she met all the criteria of a
college boy and his buddy here driving
across the state to go to where he’s
gonna get married and he falls asleep in
the backseat while his best friend is
driving and his best friend falls asleep
in the middle of the night as they’re
driving my friend art Berg woke up
rather intensely on the desert floor the
car upside
his legs trapped beneath it and unable
to feel anything he became a
quadriplegic in an instant his friend
actually was beat up but actually
survived now what do you do in a
situation like that well the first thing
most people do is they want to curse God
or they want to curse their friend it’s
not their fault most of what happens in
our lives is not our fault but what we
do with it is gonna determine the
quality of our lives sometimes it is our
fault let’s be honest but lots of times
and thence happen
stuff happens or whatever word you want
to play stuff with it you know what I’m
talking about but was different about
this man is he made a different set of
decisions on that day he said to himself
you know what I got two choices
I can live here in the dirt and live and
suffer the rest of my life when I’ve
lost or I can figure out and maximize
what I have he developed this mindset
his mindset was before the accident
there were about probably 10,000 things
I could do after the accident he said I
could probably do 9,000 things before
the accident I was probably not even
doing 500 of those things I’m gonna do
more while I am now and he did he became
an entrepreneur start his own book store
and became very successful he married
the same childhood sweetheart because
this man was so inspiration will be
around it didn’t matter what he was in a
chair she loved him he had two children
one of the greatest gifts of life and he
did all kinds of crazy things he’d scuba
dive as friends would put him in a suit
and tie a set of weights to him he
dropped to the bottom they dragged him a
hot bottle on the bottom that was his
idea of scuba diving he was incredible
human being and he lived an incredibly
full life filled with joy
the worst thing ever happened to you be
a quadriplegic the best thing when a
lottery I feel like everybody wants
something from you and you didn’t earn
it and there’s no sense of joy and
everything’s about trying to hang on to
what you got what is the best thing that
happened to you what is the worst the
worst is not to take control of the
force that controls your life and that
force is human emotion I mean I want you
to think about this and answer a
question for me if you would what really
changed Frank and Kristin’s quality of
life
what changed them you can see the change
you can see it even more
later that it’s continued to happen what
made the change possible did you get it
did you see it the answer is simple we
changed the emotional pattern that was
controlling their life and you and I
have emotional patterns that are
controlling us right now whether we’re
aware of it consciously or not doesn’t
matter it’s the force that is shaping
you it’s shaping your relationship it’s
shaping your finances it’s shaping your
career it’s shaping the amount of joy or
unhappiness or suffering or excitement
you have right now in this moment but
it’s an invisible force most of us never
take a look at you might want to take a
look at it right now through the eyes of
what we did with Frank and Kristin now
what was the emotional pattern that was
dominating them at the beginning of the
show he could feel it couldn’t you and
there was this feeling of death that
there was no future
probably the most common belief system
in people in North America now in Europe
60% of Americans now believed that the
future is going to be worse than the
past for themselves and for their kids
70% of Germans and Europeans I think
it’s 80% according to Pew study recently
in France around the world we’re
starting to believe that circumstances
control who we are don’t get me wrong
circumstances play a huge impact events
play a huge impact on your life but
they’re not the ultimate determining
factor the force of human spirit or
emotion is in with the right emotion you
can unleash things you could never dream
of and I know you know this is true so
take a look let’s analyze where do these
two live after the accident well where
would you live if you were Kristen I
mean you’ve lost your future supposedly
there’s no intimacy there’s no chance of
children you become the full-time nurse
to your husband who you love but now
you’re changing his catheter every few
hours you’re afraid to leave the house
because you’re afraid what if he falls
over he may stop breathing I mean
there’s no life so she goes from the
emotions of feeling depressed for the
life she’s lost to feeling angry I call
it a crazy eight we get tired of feeling
sad and then we’ll get angry for a while
and then we beat ourselves up for being
angry at ourselves or God or up
and then we get all depressed again it’s
a common pattern you don’t have to have
something like their event happen in
your life to get stuck in a crazy a but
interestingly enough she’s living in
that place and now what what’s Frank
doing Frank wants to help his wife but
he’s got a limitation we got a
breakthrough he’s got a belief all
breakthroughs start with a change in
your beliefs because once you believe
how something is that means you’re
certain that’s how it is so you’re
certainly can’t change you’re right it
can’t I can’t convince you no no one
else can she convinced you in Frank’s
thinking I’m helpless and I’ve harmed my
wife and he’s living with the emotions
of guilt and sadness and depression when
he’s tired of that he gets completely
overwhelmed coz he says if I just would
have not jumped in or if I would have
jumped in a different spot or a million
of the things that they were different
than I wouldn’t have destroyed my wife’s
life instead of saying my wife needs me
right now and I don’t give a damn if I’m
strapped physically in this chair my
soul my spirits here the Reacher that’s
my assignment to get him to remember
that power to not get him remember it
but to get him to use it and shift his
wife and that’s what we did through this
process how well the process really was
giving him a series of experiences that
would change his entire belief about who
he is I could try to tell him oh here’s
what you can do and yeah I’m six foot
seven and I obviously have use of all my
appendages easy for me right but if I
get him to have some experiences like I
bring him to Fiji and I show me and get
out of the house more than the house
become a world traveler and go through
all the challenges that are part of that
that if you watch our little section and
the story behind the story you’ll hear
some things that weren’t in the show
about that by the way but I gave him a
travel a Fiji and the first thing I got
to do with him is I got to get him to
experience not you know intellectually
but experience he can’t make a
difference for his wife he is not
helpless she needs him and he can
transform he can take her from crying
sad out-of-control angry to laughing and
giggling and feeling loved that fast
it’s a beautiful moment the Shelf you
watched and all this is something called
presence something if you’re not clear
about do some homework follow up with us
or someone else figure out how to create
that because that’s what changes
relationships presence
it works and the strength starts to
understand not verbally but by his own
experience hey you know I don’t have to
live in that sadness or that feeling of
being unworthy or that feeling of being
over well
I can matter I can matter to her I don’t
have to be the person she just takes
care of it was a huge shift in the
experience and I’m giving you Frank’s
example because it relates to yours may
be of different emotions but then we all
get the points where we feel like we
don’t matter we can’t change something
we’re stuck and it’s our belief great
way to break that belief to get yourself
another experience that’s what I do with
people in seminars that’s what they do
in any coaching process change it what
do we do after that we take him through
the experience of facing his fears and
we get him to do the skydive together
with his lady and he feels total freedom
for the first time since the accident
you get freedom when you face your fear
not just face it but you push through it
I get phase separation from his lady for
10 days get him to be in a room with
Olympic athletes who couldn’t move
across the room he couldn’t move across
the room but now they’re incredible and
he feels like he’s not enough and he has
to push through that I’ll show him how
to get back his dream drive his truck
get him that thing and drive 100 miles
an hour even though all you got is your
elbows to drive the darn thing and I’m
on the other seat pretty cool thing so
it was a stacking of these experiences
that got Frank to own himself in a new
way to build a new identity a new set of
emotional patterns so here are the steps
and this is what you want to do what I
do with him I did four things that’s all
I really did at its core number one for
both of them for Frank and Krista to
transform I identified where do they
live emotionally that’s what you got to
do where do they live emotionally well
we just decided we just described where
they live depression anger and one said
feeling guilty feeling overwhelmed
feeling sad on the other there’s no way
that can change your life with that is
the emotional fuel to get you to take
action you’re not gonna take action
there’s not enough intensity to get you
to get through the obstacles or the
tragedies or the challenges once you see
what the pattern is and you tell
yourself the truth this is where I’m
living step two I did with them as
identified what’s the antidote so
if fear is what’s controlling things
right now wean an antidote called
courage now courage doesn’t mean that
you’re not scared courage just simply
means that you’re scared of death but
you do it anyway it’s an emotional
muscle it doesn’t feel good you just
exercise it that’s what courage is I
mean everybody you know has different
emotional patterns and it may be hard to
see in yourself but I bet you know
enough people I mean come on don’t you
know somebody who lives every day and
they’re angry all the time when it
pissed off or they’re frustrated or
they’re worried all the time I mean
haven’t you met people different times
who don’t you know somebody that’s
always kind of playful or crazy or
cracking jokes better yet do you know
somebody who’s not really funny but they
think they are and there’s you tell a
stupid joke and everything else it’s not
even funny but they cracked himself up
so much that you find yourself cracking
up right I mean people have patterns the
question is what’s yours see if you can
identify the patterns in other people
you can start to see them in yourself as
well and you know what we all do we all
find a way to try to get what I call
home
home is I noticed after 9/11 I’m with
two thousand plus people from I think
was 45 countries that was in Hawaii the
accidents happened the tragedy happened
you know the the attacks happened and we
got the information at 3 o’clock in the
morning in Hawaii and we had you know
100-plus people 200 people that were
from New York many of which little
worked and had offices and friends in
the towers and all the friends died
there the whole company disappeared I
had to bring these people in from all
these countries with different religions
different backgrounds different belief
systems some people were celebrating
other people are crying and saying it
was the end times it was unbelievable I
noticed all this emotion around me and
the biggest thing to put them all
together is I had to say what what’s
really going on here and I noticed angry
people got angry sad people got sad
guilty people the nurse she was guilty
she wasn’t there helping people but
she’s always guilty the angry lady is
always angry we all have a home maybe
people didn’t live in the United States
didn’t know anyone in New York City and
they were yet angry guilty or sad why
they weren’t angry
– sad about the 3000 people a day that
died of cancer and heart disease they’re
all mothers fathers children I pointed
out that day
it can’t be convenient with your
compassion and yet most of us are or
unaware that we use events as a trigger
to get home back to the patterns we know
even if it’s uncomfortable so if you
identify where you live
emotionally the patterns are limiting
you the second piece is find the
antidote courage can replace fear if
you’re feeling this unbelievable feeling
of overwhelm you need love or support
and not just go get it go give it see
finding that app to build starts to
change the game and then after you
identify it you find the antidote number
three is you got to practice that
emotion I know that sounds weird I’ll
explain what I mean in the moment but
you got to do that emotion enough
consciously that you can go from
frustrated or depressed to determined
and you know how to shift that gear and
it’s not fake it’s not some pump up it’s
real and it changes your life when you
can do that like that and it’s a
biochemical change it’s not some I’m
happy I’m happy I’m happy positive
thinking BS if not what I teach I’m not
here to tell you go to your garden and
chant there’s no weeds I’m going to say
there’s the we go pull it out but you’re
not gonna pull it out without
determination without passion without
commitment am I making sense so if you
know the pattern if you find you have to
do if you practice it enough and then
the final step you condition it you
practice enough that you can just
automatically go into it that’s when
your life changes so what are you gonna
do is your assignment for this week to
take this little 10-minute you know
rant I’m giving you and convert it into
a massive measurable increase in the
quality of your life I can’t do that for
you can do it for yourself if you do
what I tell you here’s what you’re gonna
do
step one and this will be on the web as
well step one you gotta identify where
you live so where do you live where do
you live emotionally you personally just
like we do it Frank and Kristen there
are thousands of emotions there’s 4,000
words in the human in the English
language I should say four different
individual emotions the research on that
years ago I’m happy to take out a piece
of paper pen take out your you know your
notebook computer get a page on one side
one column write all the emotions that
you experience at least once a week
that empower you in some way love
passion excitement creativity whatever
it is peace determinate I don’t know
what are yours I want you to write the
emotions though you don’t experience
once in a while
the ones you experience at least once a
week the powerful way and really feeling
not an emotion you feel once every blue
moon on the other side of that page or
if you do it on our little application
or wherever we put it here the other
side I want you write all the negative
emotions or to be more fair all emotions
can be positive you use them all the
disempowering emotions the ones that
tend to put your state we don’t follow
through and I want you on that side to
write all of them and do it
simultaneously just keep making your
list what are the emotions I go into
that messed me up like feeling
frustrated or overwhelmed or lost or
alone or depressed or pissed off and
rageful whatever it is you go and again
not emotions your experience once in a
while then once you experience at least
once a week so make a list of all the
emotions experienced at least once a
week ones that empower you ones
disempower you on the list that’s step
one that’s identifying where you live
and circle the top tool out of the whole
list that you experience most often that
are empowering and the top two
experience most often that are
disempowered
that’ll be step one now if you I’m
trying to explain it to you here and
we’ll be right in front of you as well
so if you forget what I’m saying it’s
gonna be a little checklist but I want
you know what I mean step two let’s
identify the solution so you look at
your list and you see on the
disappearing list I got sadness and
depression
I got feeling lonely or I’ve got filling
rage and anger or I got feeling fear
what emotional state would you like to
feel in that situation that would change
your life if it’s fear maybe it’s
courage again courage doesn’t mean it’s
easy doesn’t mean you feel you know
confident it just means you’re gonna do
it anyway
maybe it’s determination maybe instead
of feeling alone you feel loving and you
go give to somebody else what’s the
antidote
what’s an emotional pattern that if you
live that will change the game is it
faith is it passion is it courage is it
playfulness you takin things just too
damn seriously you’ve forgotten
perspective go watch the show again see
if you really have a problem see if your
problems are as challenging as the
people you just saw who transform their
tragedy into something tremendous
something beautiful something
magnificent something meaningful
something that can even help other
people that are watching that’s the
beauty so that’s the second step what’s
the antidote come up with your answer
don’t emotion step three is you got to
practice that emotion and I know that
sounds silly stupid kind of weird but if
you can’t do a seminar with me you’d see
you know 3,000 10,000 people we do this
and we conditioned that a new emotion
till you can shift gears have you ever
heard about the firewalk it’s not about
the firewalk I you skydiving all kinds
of crazy stuff it’s a metaphor for how
do I go from afraid fires a metaphor for
whatever you don’t follow through and on
your life whatever hold you back –
snapping going to state of mind where I
just move through it’s not this big mind
over matter thing it’s mind over emotion
it’s shifting and when you learn how to
go from scare to determine an action
what can’t you do in your life so we
show you how to do that but for right
now I’ll give you a just a quick example
understand that emotion is really
created by motion by the way you use
your body so quick example real quick a
match at a time when you know someone
who’s depressed or you were depressed
you ever felt that way I’m sure you have
at some time and think about what you do
with your body when somebody’s depressed
they get all excited talk faster or just
know everything kind of slows down
doesn’t it well that was your shoulders
they drop where’s your head when you’re
depressed drops but you’re breathing
full or shallow you know it becomes
shallow you talk loud and fast or slow
and quiet slow and quiet more hesitant
now
emotion is created by emotion we can try
and think yourself and I’m happy I’m
happy
but if you’re unhappy I’m happening your
body’s like this nothing’s gonna change
we can change our biochemistry by eating
by taking a drug by smoking a cigarette
doesn’t you take a different breath you
eat food you like you fill up your tummy
and you start to breathe nice your whole
mental emotional state changes doesn’t
it so what I’m saying is you don’t need
the cigarette you don’t have to need the
food you can just physically learn to
say this is what I do when I’m depressed
this is what I do on a most determine as
her sister’s gesture I made I remember
one time when I was a kid at one time I
got pissed off and I just what do they
do I made a gesture I stood taller I
looked the person in the eye
I spoke with more authority now my idea
passion determination may be a little
off the top for you and I get it I’m a
crazy mofo and I I I’m a passion being
but you can do your version what do you
do when you’re really feeling something
like determined what do you do when you
were passionate with your face with your
voice with your body just practice and
make a contrast here’s what I do when
I’m sad here’s what I do when I feel
left here’s what I do when I’m worried
here’s what I do when I’m determined
that’s what I mean by practice and I’d
love to have you an event but I’m trying
to give this to you so you can do it
right now and you can and it maybe this
would be helpful to do with friends so
they can give you feedback and say
here’s what you do I see you do this
when you’re really strong I see you do
that when you’re kind of weak that’s the
third step practice now what’s the
assignment figure out your emotions
where do you let positive negative what
are the big primary one antidotes what
emotions do you need practice the
emotions you need so you can go into
them a few times sounds a little weird
but if you do it you’ll see it’s
actually quite fun feels powerful maybe
do it with a friend that’s the easy way
to do it and condition it and that means
take the next three days do this three
times figure out the difference and
shift from not sure worried to determine
from overwhelm I don’t know what to do
to focused and you just deliberately
physically make the change from one to
the other three times for three days if
you’re bold do it for seven but if you
do this three or four times a day for
three to seven days I’ll start to get a
pattern in your body and the pattern and
your body a new pattern needs a new life
our life’s a reflection of our emotional
patterns if you live in sadness and
depression you can have a billion
dollars and your life is called sad and
depressed if you’re living feeling
grateful feeling alive feeling
passionate your life is filled with
great
– compassion doesn’t matter what’s
happening anywhere else and you can face
any challenge from those emotions and
you can overcome this make sense this is
how you can take what you watch in that
show and convert it into some actions
that will change you very simple
approach or come see me or get some
coaching I’ve got all kinds of resources
but this is something you can do right
now you don’t need anybody else to make
happen you just need a little ability to
take action makes sense and if you
haven’t seen the show for godsakes go on
Hulu and watch the show or all this will
just sound like a bunch of words if you
have the experience you know what I’m
talking about you’ve witnessed it it’ll
be reeling you right now and you’ll get
a sense of what you can do to move
forward and if you can’t find on Hulu
once again send us a little email we’ll
make sure we find a way for you to be
able to observe or experience the show
directly and last thing I say t is the
best way to keep something in your body
is share it with somebody else the whole
philosophy of my life has been if your
life’s gonna be meaningful you can’t
just maybe about me you got to be about
we so if you can if you feel like it if
your spirits touched by this help us pay
it forward share this with your friends
you can share the clip of our show you
can share this little section we have
all kinds of ways just take the clip and
send it we’ve ever way you can push a
button at once again and send it virally
to everybody everybody who’s on your
email list we’d love it if that works
for you if you don’t were totally
respectful of that but in the end I can
promise you one thing if you will do
this if you’ll discover your current
emotional pattern and you’ll change it
to a little bit of practice over and
over again you will change the quality
of your life no matter what you’re
facing make sense thanks for taking the
time I don’t hope this was close to 10
minutes I went a little crazy but it’s
really just designed to try to really
serve you so till I see again hopefully
next week live strong and live with passion god bless
our life unless we have something that’s
a bigger problem to contrast it with and
when you see this story you walk through
their exact life experience of the
course of these two years the year that
we work with them is thirty days but you
see the course of what’s happened to
them by finding out what’s happening a
year later you begin to understand that
it doesn’t matter what happens in your
life you were more than any moment
there’s no challenge you can’t face and
overcome all the events of our lives
don’t control our lives our decisions do
and so I figured if we could take a
couple that has faced this bigger
challenge and be able to break through
then you could look whatever’s in your
life and make it happen it’s kind of
like if if I wanted to show you that you
could face your biggest fear though your
smaller fears kind of drop aside it’s
like what’s what’s your biggest fear
today one of the biggest fears so many
people in North America and around the
world the Western world of facing is
losing their job it’s a horrific
possibility it has impact on your family
and your psychology or emotion so many
things your choices but the truth of the
matter is what’s a problem losing your
job is a massive problem until you find
yourself in a position where you lose
all your savings what it took you maybe
ten years of working to get then what’s
the problem after losing your savings
that’s not a problem anymore when all of
a sudden you lose your leg or an arm or
something horrific happens to one of
your children that’s not a problem when
someone tells you all of a sudden that
you have terminal cancer then I had
those moments where somebody says you’ve
got that tumor in your brain and we
don’t know what it means those moments
take your other problems and make them
disappear and you know what’s
interesting when you ask most people in
North America what’s the greatest thing
that could ever happen to you give them
10 seconds it’s been done over and over
again first 10 seconds what comes your
mind what’s the best thing that ever
happened in your life the majority of
people North America say what can you
guess winning the lottery and many of
them say winning a hundred million
dollar lottery two hundred million
dollar lottery
so it’s gonna make their quality of life
extraordinary but when you do the
studies and there been many done over
the last 15 or 20 years and people that
win these giant water EES what our lives
like two years later three years later
five years later is the quality of their
life extraordinary rarely if ever
because what’s happened is they haven’t
grown
they haven’t life gives us these events
these quote horrific events because
there’s an area of our life that has to
grow if you were to ask me Tony out of
all the millions of people you’ve worked
with if someone really wants to feel
alive they want joy they want happiness
they don’t just want money or things or
just even respect they want to feel a
sense that life is meaningful and alive
what does it take I tell you one word
progress when you’re making progress in
your life it doesn’t matter where it is
you’re gonna feel more alive if you’re
overweight but you get yourself today
you say you know what I’m stepping into
gear I’m just putting these darn shoes
on I’m not waiting for the perfect you
know person to come by and coach me I’ll
get that too but right now I’m just
going for a walk or I’m gonna go for a
jog or I’m gonna go lift some weights
I’m gonna do something right now and you
get yourself into gear and you do that
for a few days in a row even if you
haven’t lost the 10 20 or 30 pounds yet
you’re gonna start feeling better
immediately because you have the power
of momentum and you’re making progress
progress equals growth growth equals
feeling alive we grow or we die so
what’s the worst thing that could ever
happen in your life same survey asked
the people in North America 10 seconds
to come up with the answer number one
answer to become a quadriplegic that’s
why I made the show because the idea
that I could be in a position where I’d
be alive but I couldn’t physically feed
myself take care of myself that I’d be
completely immobilized for most people
that’s the scariest thought of all to
them that’s the worst possible fear so
by going through this journey with Frank
and Kristin and experiencing their
emotions and seeing and feeling that in
30 days they could go from trapped in
their home where there’s no possibility
of a future no idea of intimacy no idea
of children two world travelers who are
doing things they weren’t doing before
we use quote supposedly able-bodied
happier and stronger and closer in their
love than ever
before and you know it’s real and you
see the results a year later as we do
the follow-ups and you haven’t seen the
follow-ups be sure to see that here
about the story what’s happening with
them when you get that experience it
affects you because it isn’t somebody
verbally telling you a story it’s
something you kind of went through so
the idea here is I’m sure you have some
other fears outside the one that we just
came up with whatever you’re afraid of
the job the loss of relationship
trust me it’s small if you’ll face a
bigger fear that little fear will start
to be handled pretty easily that’s why
when all of us go through in our lives
extreme stress we’re all going to go
through it you’re gonna have a home
burned down or something’s gonna happen
to somebody you love or someone’s gonna
pass before you’re prepared for it which
is almost always or you’re gonna find
yourself in a financial situation that
feels like you can’t turn it around or
you might feel like personal character
assassination or maybe you get mugged or
maybe get a terminal disease we all will
face multiple times in our life extreme
stress the difference in people’s lives
is not what we face it’s what we do with
what we face you can take yourself from
a place where in the face of absolute
total tragedy you triumph but it
requires making some new decisions
taking some new actions and mastering a
part of yourself that can unleash all of
your power and abilities human being
that human spirit as corny as it sounds
can be channeled in a very specific way
and if you do the game of life changes
so I’ll give you another example outside
Frank and Chris and a friend of mine who
just passed recently he’s always been a
deep inspiration man his name is art
Berg and arts a guy that was a young man
good-looking strong athletic he lived in
Utah and he fell in love with his
absolute sweetheart she was you know the
most popular girl the most attractive
girl she met all the criteria of a
college boy and his buddy here driving
across the state to go to where he’s
gonna get married and he falls asleep in
the backseat while his best friend is
driving and his best friend falls asleep
in the middle of the night as they’re
driving my friend art Berg woke up
rather intensely on the desert floor the
car upside
his legs trapped beneath it and unable
to feel anything he became a
quadriplegic in an instant his friend
actually was beat up but actually
survived now what do you do in a
situation like that well the first thing
most people do is they want to curse God
or they want to curse their friend it’s
not their fault most of what happens in
our lives is not our fault but what we
do with it is gonna determine the
quality of our lives sometimes it is our
fault let’s be honest but lots of times
and thence happen
stuff happens or whatever word you want
to play stuff with it you know what I’m
talking about but was different about
this man is he made a different set of
decisions on that day he said to himself
you know what I got two choices
I can live here in the dirt and live and
suffer the rest of my life when I’ve
lost or I can figure out and maximize
what I have he developed this mindset
his mindset was before the accident
there were about probably 10,000 things
I could do after the accident he said I
could probably do 9,000 things before
the accident I was probably not even
doing 500 of those things I’m gonna do
more while I am now and he did he became
an entrepreneur start his own book store
and became very successful he married
the same childhood sweetheart because
this man was so inspiration will be
around it didn’t matter what he was in a
chair she loved him he had two children
one of the greatest gifts of life and he
did all kinds of crazy things he’d scuba
dive as friends would put him in a suit
and tie a set of weights to him he
dropped to the bottom they dragged him a
hot bottle on the bottom that was his
idea of scuba diving he was incredible
human being and he lived an incredibly
full life filled with joy
the worst thing ever happened to you be
a quadriplegic the best thing when a
lottery I feel like everybody wants
something from you and you didn’t earn
it and there’s no sense of joy and
everything’s about trying to hang on to
what you got what is the best thing that
happened to you what is the worst the
worst is not to take control of the
force that controls your life and that
force is human emotion I mean I want you
to think about this and answer a
question for me if you would what really
changed Frank and Kristin’s quality of
life
what changed them you can see the change
you can see it even more
later that it’s continued to happen what
made the change possible did you get it
did you see it the answer is simple we
changed the emotional pattern that was
controlling their life and you and I
have emotional patterns that are
controlling us right now whether we’re
aware of it consciously or not doesn’t
matter it’s the force that is shaping
you it’s shaping your relationship it’s
shaping your finances it’s shaping your
career it’s shaping the amount of joy or
unhappiness or suffering or excitement
you have right now in this moment but
it’s an invisible force most of us never
take a look at you might want to take a
look at it right now through the eyes of
what we did with Frank and Kristin now
what was the emotional pattern that was
dominating them at the beginning of the
show he could feel it couldn’t you and
there was this feeling of death that
there was no future
probably the most common belief system
in people in North America now in Europe
60% of Americans now believed that the
future is going to be worse than the
past for themselves and for their kids
70% of Germans and Europeans I think
it’s 80% according to Pew study recently
in France around the world we’re
starting to believe that circumstances
control who we are don’t get me wrong
circumstances play a huge impact events
play a huge impact on your life but
they’re not the ultimate determining
factor the force of human spirit or
emotion is in with the right emotion you
can unleash things you could never dream
of and I know you know this is true so
take a look let’s analyze where do these
two live after the accident well where
would you live if you were Kristen I
mean you’ve lost your future supposedly
there’s no intimacy there’s no chance of
children you become the full-time nurse
to your husband who you love but now
you’re changing his catheter every few
hours you’re afraid to leave the house
because you’re afraid what if he falls
over he may stop breathing I mean
there’s no life so she goes from the
emotions of feeling depressed for the
life she’s lost to feeling angry I call
it a crazy eight we get tired of feeling
sad and then we’ll get angry for a while
and then we beat ourselves up for being
angry at ourselves or God or up
and then we get all depressed again it’s
a common pattern you don’t have to have
something like their event happen in
your life to get stuck in a crazy a but
interestingly enough she’s living in
that place and now what what’s Frank
doing Frank wants to help his wife but
he’s got a limitation we got a
breakthrough he’s got a belief all
breakthroughs start with a change in
your beliefs because once you believe
how something is that means you’re
certain that’s how it is so you’re
certainly can’t change you’re right it
can’t I can’t convince you no no one
else can she convinced you in Frank’s
thinking I’m helpless and I’ve harmed my
wife and he’s living with the emotions
of guilt and sadness and depression when
he’s tired of that he gets completely
overwhelmed coz he says if I just would
have not jumped in or if I would have
jumped in a different spot or a million
of the things that they were different
than I wouldn’t have destroyed my wife’s
life instead of saying my wife needs me
right now and I don’t give a damn if I’m
strapped physically in this chair my
soul my spirits here the Reacher that’s
my assignment to get him to remember
that power to not get him remember it
but to get him to use it and shift his
wife and that’s what we did through this
process how well the process really was
giving him a series of experiences that
would change his entire belief about who
he is I could try to tell him oh here’s
what you can do and yeah I’m six foot
seven and I obviously have use of all my
appendages easy for me right but if I
get him to have some experiences like I
bring him to Fiji and I show me and get
out of the house more than the house
become a world traveler and go through
all the challenges that are part of that
that if you watch our little section and
the story behind the story you’ll hear
some things that weren’t in the show
about that by the way but I gave him a
travel a Fiji and the first thing I got
to do with him is I got to get him to
experience not you know intellectually
but experience he can’t make a
difference for his wife he is not
helpless she needs him and he can
transform he can take her from crying
sad out-of-control angry to laughing and
giggling and feeling loved that fast
it’s a beautiful moment the Shelf you
watched and all this is something called
presence something if you’re not clear
about do some homework follow up with us
or someone else figure out how to create
that because that’s what changes
relationships presence
it works and the strength starts to
understand not verbally but by his own
experience hey you know I don’t have to
live in that sadness or that feeling of
being unworthy or that feeling of being
over well
I can matter I can matter to her I don’t
have to be the person she just takes
care of it was a huge shift in the
experience and I’m giving you Frank’s
example because it relates to yours may
be of different emotions but then we all
get the points where we feel like we
don’t matter we can’t change something
we’re stuck and it’s our belief great
way to break that belief to get yourself
another experience that’s what I do with
people in seminars that’s what they do
in any coaching process change it what
do we do after that we take him through
the experience of facing his fears and
we get him to do the skydive together
with his lady and he feels total freedom
for the first time since the accident
you get freedom when you face your fear
not just face it but you push through it
I get phase separation from his lady for
10 days get him to be in a room with
Olympic athletes who couldn’t move
across the room he couldn’t move across
the room but now they’re incredible and
he feels like he’s not enough and he has
to push through that I’ll show him how
to get back his dream drive his truck
get him that thing and drive 100 miles
an hour even though all you got is your
elbows to drive the darn thing and I’m
on the other seat pretty cool thing so
it was a stacking of these experiences
that got Frank to own himself in a new
way to build a new identity a new set of
emotional patterns so here are the steps
and this is what you want to do what I
do with him I did four things that’s all
I really did at its core number one for
both of them for Frank and Krista to
transform I identified where do they
live emotionally that’s what you got to
do where do they live emotionally well
we just decided we just described where
they live depression anger and one said
feeling guilty feeling overwhelmed
feeling sad on the other there’s no way
that can change your life with that is
the emotional fuel to get you to take
action you’re not gonna take action
there’s not enough intensity to get you
to get through the obstacles or the
tragedies or the challenges once you see
what the pattern is and you tell
yourself the truth this is where I’m
living step two I did with them as
identified what’s the antidote so
if fear is what’s controlling things
right now wean an antidote called
courage now courage doesn’t mean that
you’re not scared courage just simply
means that you’re scared of death but
you do it anyway it’s an emotional
muscle it doesn’t feel good you just
exercise it that’s what courage is I
mean everybody you know has different
emotional patterns and it may be hard to
see in yourself but I bet you know
enough people I mean come on don’t you
know somebody who lives every day and
they’re angry all the time when it
pissed off or they’re frustrated or
they’re worried all the time I mean
haven’t you met people different times
who don’t you know somebody that’s
always kind of playful or crazy or
cracking jokes better yet do you know
somebody who’s not really funny but they
think they are and there’s you tell a
stupid joke and everything else it’s not
even funny but they cracked himself up
so much that you find yourself cracking
up right I mean people have patterns the
question is what’s yours see if you can
identify the patterns in other people
you can start to see them in yourself as
well and you know what we all do we all
find a way to try to get what I call
home
home is I noticed after 9/11 I’m with
two thousand plus people from I think
was 45 countries that was in Hawaii the
accidents happened the tragedy happened
you know the the attacks happened and we
got the information at 3 o’clock in the
morning in Hawaii and we had you know
100-plus people 200 people that were
from New York many of which little
worked and had offices and friends in
the towers and all the friends died
there the whole company disappeared I
had to bring these people in from all
these countries with different religions
different backgrounds different belief
systems some people were celebrating
other people are crying and saying it
was the end times it was unbelievable I
noticed all this emotion around me and
the biggest thing to put them all
together is I had to say what what’s
really going on here and I noticed angry
people got angry sad people got sad
guilty people the nurse she was guilty
she wasn’t there helping people but
she’s always guilty the angry lady is
always angry we all have a home maybe
people didn’t live in the United States
didn’t know anyone in New York City and
they were yet angry guilty or sad why
they weren’t angry
– sad about the 3000 people a day that
died of cancer and heart disease they’re
all mothers fathers children I pointed
out that day
it can’t be convenient with your
compassion and yet most of us are or
unaware that we use events as a trigger
to get home back to the patterns we know
even if it’s uncomfortable so if you
identify where you live
emotionally the patterns are limiting
you the second piece is find the
antidote courage can replace fear if
you’re feeling this unbelievable feeling
of overwhelm you need love or support
and not just go get it go give it see
finding that app to build starts to
change the game and then after you
identify it you find the antidote number
three is you got to practice that
emotion I know that sounds weird I’ll
explain what I mean in the moment but
you got to do that emotion enough
consciously that you can go from
frustrated or depressed to determined
and you know how to shift that gear and
it’s not fake it’s not some pump up it’s
real and it changes your life when you
can do that like that and it’s a
biochemical change it’s not some I’m
happy I’m happy I’m happy positive
thinking BS if not what I teach I’m not
here to tell you go to your garden and
chant there’s no weeds I’m going to say
there’s the we go pull it out but you’re
not gonna pull it out without
determination without passion without
commitment am I making sense so if you
know the pattern if you find you have to
do if you practice it enough and then
the final step you condition it you
practice enough that you can just
automatically go into it that’s when
your life changes so what are you gonna
do is your assignment for this week to
take this little 10-minute you know
rant I’m giving you and convert it into
a massive measurable increase in the
quality of your life I can’t do that for
you can do it for yourself if you do
what I tell you here’s what you’re gonna
do
step one and this will be on the web as
well step one you gotta identify where
you live so where do you live where do
you live emotionally you personally just
like we do it Frank and Kristen there
are thousands of emotions there’s 4,000
words in the human in the English
language I should say four different
individual emotions the research on that
years ago I’m happy to take out a piece
of paper pen take out your you know your
notebook computer get a page on one side
one column write all the emotions that
you experience at least once a week
that empower you in some way love
passion excitement creativity whatever
it is peace determinate I don’t know
what are yours I want you to write the
emotions though you don’t experience
once in a while
the ones you experience at least once a
week the powerful way and really feeling
not an emotion you feel once every blue
moon on the other side of that page or
if you do it on our little application
or wherever we put it here the other
side I want you write all the negative
emotions or to be more fair all emotions
can be positive you use them all the
disempowering emotions the ones that
tend to put your state we don’t follow
through and I want you on that side to
write all of them and do it
simultaneously just keep making your
list what are the emotions I go into
that messed me up like feeling
frustrated or overwhelmed or lost or
alone or depressed or pissed off and
rageful whatever it is you go and again
not emotions your experience once in a
while then once you experience at least
once a week so make a list of all the
emotions experienced at least once a
week ones that empower you ones
disempower you on the list that’s step
one that’s identifying where you live
and circle the top tool out of the whole
list that you experience most often that
are empowering and the top two
experience most often that are
disempowered
that’ll be step one now if you I’m
trying to explain it to you here and
we’ll be right in front of you as well
so if you forget what I’m saying it’s
gonna be a little checklist but I want
you know what I mean step two let’s
identify the solution so you look at
your list and you see on the
disappearing list I got sadness and
depression
I got feeling lonely or I’ve got filling
rage and anger or I got feeling fear
what emotional state would you like to
feel in that situation that would change
your life if it’s fear maybe it’s
courage again courage doesn’t mean it’s
easy doesn’t mean you feel you know
confident it just means you’re gonna do
it anyway
maybe it’s determination maybe instead
of feeling alone you feel loving and you
go give to somebody else what’s the
antidote
what’s an emotional pattern that if you
live that will change the game is it
faith is it passion is it courage is it
playfulness you takin things just too
damn seriously you’ve forgotten
perspective go watch the show again see
if you really have a problem see if your
problems are as challenging as the
people you just saw who transform their
tragedy into something tremendous
something beautiful something
magnificent something meaningful
something that can even help other
people that are watching that’s the
beauty so that’s the second step what’s
the antidote come up with your answer
don’t emotion step three is you got to
practice that emotion and I know that
sounds silly stupid kind of weird but if
you can’t do a seminar with me you’d see
you know 3,000 10,000 people we do this
and we conditioned that a new emotion
till you can shift gears have you ever
heard about the firewalk it’s not about
the firewalk I you skydiving all kinds
of crazy stuff it’s a metaphor for how
do I go from afraid fires a metaphor for
whatever you don’t follow through and on
your life whatever hold you back –
snapping going to state of mind where I
just move through it’s not this big mind
over matter thing it’s mind over emotion
it’s shifting and when you learn how to
go from scare to determine an action
what can’t you do in your life so we
show you how to do that but for right
now I’ll give you a just a quick example
understand that emotion is really
created by motion by the way you use
your body so quick example real quick a
match at a time when you know someone
who’s depressed or you were depressed
you ever felt that way I’m sure you have
at some time and think about what you do
with your body when somebody’s depressed
they get all excited talk faster or just
know everything kind of slows down
doesn’t it well that was your shoulders
they drop where’s your head when you’re
depressed drops but you’re breathing
full or shallow you know it becomes
shallow you talk loud and fast or slow
and quiet slow and quiet more hesitant
now
emotion is created by emotion we can try
and think yourself and I’m happy I’m
happy
but if you’re unhappy I’m happening your
body’s like this nothing’s gonna change
we can change our biochemistry by eating
by taking a drug by smoking a cigarette
doesn’t you take a different breath you
eat food you like you fill up your tummy
and you start to breathe nice your whole
mental emotional state changes doesn’t
it so what I’m saying is you don’t need
the cigarette you don’t have to need the
food you can just physically learn to
say this is what I do when I’m depressed
this is what I do on a most determine as
her sister’s gesture I made I remember
one time when I was a kid at one time I
got pissed off and I just what do they
do I made a gesture I stood taller I
looked the person in the eye
I spoke with more authority now my idea
passion determination may be a little
off the top for you and I get it I’m a
crazy mofo and I I I’m a passion being
but you can do your version what do you
do when you’re really feeling something
like determined what do you do when you
were passionate with your face with your
voice with your body just practice and
make a contrast here’s what I do when
I’m sad here’s what I do when I feel
left here’s what I do when I’m worried
here’s what I do when I’m determined
that’s what I mean by practice and I’d
love to have you an event but I’m trying
to give this to you so you can do it
right now and you can and it maybe this
would be helpful to do with friends so
they can give you feedback and say
here’s what you do I see you do this
when you’re really strong I see you do
that when you’re kind of weak that’s the
third step practice now what’s the
assignment figure out your emotions
where do you let positive negative what
are the big primary one antidotes what
emotions do you need practice the
emotions you need so you can go into
them a few times sounds a little weird
but if you do it you’ll see it’s
actually quite fun feels powerful maybe
do it with a friend that’s the easy way
to do it and condition it and that means
take the next three days do this three
times figure out the difference and
shift from not sure worried to determine
from overwhelm I don’t know what to do
to focused and you just deliberately
physically make the change from one to
the other three times for three days if
you’re bold do it for seven but if you
do this three or four times a day for
three to seven days I’ll start to get a
pattern in your body and the pattern and
your body a new pattern needs a new life
our life’s a reflection of our emotional
patterns if you live in sadness and
depression you can have a billion
dollars and your life is called sad and
depressed if you’re living feeling
grateful feeling alive feeling
passionate your life is filled with
great
– compassion doesn’t matter what’s
happening anywhere else and you can face
any challenge from those emotions and
you can overcome this make sense this is
how you can take what you watch in that
show and convert it into some actions
that will change you very simple
approach or come see me or get some
coaching I’ve got all kinds of resources
but this is something you can do right
now you don’t need anybody else to make
happen you just need a little ability to
take action makes sense and if you
haven’t seen the show for godsakes go on
Hulu and watch the show or all this will
just sound like a bunch of words if you
have the experience you know what I’m
talking about you’ve witnessed it it’ll
be reeling you right now and you’ll get
a sense of what you can do to move
forward and if you can’t find on Hulu
once again send us a little email we’ll
make sure we find a way for you to be
able to observe or experience the show
directly and last thing I say t is the
best way to keep something in your body
is share it with somebody else the whole
philosophy of my life has been if your
life’s gonna be meaningful you can’t
just maybe about me you got to be about
we so if you can if you feel like it if
your spirits touched by this help us pay
it forward share this with your friends
you can share the clip of our show you
can share this little section we have
all kinds of ways just take the clip and
send it we’ve ever way you can push a
button at once again and send it virally
to everybody everybody who’s on your
email list we’d love it if that works
for you if you don’t were totally
respectful of that but in the end I can
promise you one thing if you will do
this if you’ll discover your current
emotional pattern and you’ll change it
to a little bit of practice over and
over again you will change the quality
of your life no matter what you’re
facing make sense thanks for taking the
time I don’t hope this was close to 10
minutes I went a little crazy but it’s
really just designed to try to really
serve you so till I see again hopefully
next week live strong and live with passion god bless
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