if you’re looking for ways to find
mentors learn to say no and ask better
questions than this video is for you
you’re the average of the five people
you associate with most which I still
think physically emotionally financially
that’s true the emails were so
incredibly well-crafted and so smart and
the wordsmithing that they used that I
then responded to the people who refused
to be in the book to say can I put your
refusal email in the book which I did
much like asking yourself what makes me
happy is not really a great questions
too broad and takes too long to search
what’s up what’s happened my one word is
believe and I believe in you and I
believe you have an amazing gift inside
that I want to see you unleash out into
the world I started that mentor me
series with the goal to try to hang
around people who’ve done a lot more
than us and hopefully by being around
them just a little bit longer some of
their beliefs their mindset their way of
seeing the world seeps into us to help
us become the best version of ourselves
so today we’re going to learn from one
of the best Tim Ferriss and how to build
a tribe of mentors mentor me Tim
[Music]
kicking us off at number one is our
first tip find mentors talk to me about
the new book
yes a tribe of mentors came about I just
turned 40 not too long ago and it’s been
a big 12 months been a heavy 12 months
too I had a number of close friends died
unexpectedly including one of my mentors
in this book actually passed away just a
few weeks ago very unexpectedly it was
off complications Terry Laughlin who
taught me how to swim and was turn 66 so
you had metastatic or metastasized
prostate cancer and then had
complications from that and a stroke and
I’m sorry it’s been thank you and a good
opportunity for me to just take a step
back and say all right let me hit pause
for a period of time to try to reassess
priorities look at the direction that
I’m heading look at the things I’m doing
or not doing how has planning or over
planning or under planning helped or
hurt me how am i relating to myself not
just to the world mean all these
questions start to bubble to the surface
and it seemed like a good opportunity to
ask a lot of questions some of which are
really tactical some which are more
strategic somewhere which are really
high level life mission type goals and I
asked myself the question which I’ve
been trying to do in the last couple of
years which is what would this look like
or what might it look like if it were
easy right so if this were simple what
would the structure look like and i
journaled on it and the answer that came
back was you should just ask other
people the questions that you are having
trouble answering for yourself so I’ve
reached out to about 140 people across
every possible discipline so ranging
from say David Lynch the director or
Terry Crews all the way to Kelly Slater
most decorated surfer of all time –
ayaan Hirsi Ali who’s an incredible
writer thinker activist Temple Grandin I
mean you name it basically every
possible discipline and industry artists
I reached out to all of them people at
the top of their fields and asked them a
set of 11 questions and then compiled it
into this book tribe of mentors because
I’ve thought for a very long time and
this is
borrowing from somebody else advice I
got when I was probably 14 or 15 which
was it was a it was a it was an older
student in a martial arts class he was
an adult and he left a voicemail on my
answering machine remember those and by
the way guys not on your mobile device
this is a machine with physical –
physical – you have to put the tape in
yeah and yeah if you ran out of tape
normos but his message was advice to me
which was you’re the average of the five
people you associate with most which I
still think physically emotionally
financially that’s true and I get asked
all the time well what if I don’t have
five people around me that I can use to
average up and I know ya find them or
you can do it remotely you can do it
virtually through audio through video
yeah through books and so the tribe of
mentors was intended to give people 130
of the world’s best to learn from up
next at number two is learn how to say
no the second thing that you said that I
think all busy people probably need to
take a lesson from is how to say no
gracefully and you came at this from an
interesting perspective even some people
who said no to you to this project right
so I reached out to a lot of different
people dalai lama call me and there was
a lot of non responses and then there
were a fair number of polite declines
and some of the emails were so
incredibly well-crafted and so smart and
the wordsmithing that they used that i
then responded to the people who refused
to be in the book to say can i put your
refusal email in the book which i did so
and who people said no like Danny Meyer
Shake Shack and so on then you have Neal
Stephenson incredible science fiction
writer one of my favorites Snow Crash
and many many others Wendy McDonough
does an illustrator so you can copy and
paste basically the language they use to
make it easier for you to say no to all
those invitations makes you go Zed we
don’t get a response
I like them more after being rejected
which is a real Jedi trick to give it
but give us a couple of the
articulations no I’ll give you a couple
of ideas and we’ll get people to buy the
book – yeah oh no for sure there and
there are dozens of different tool and
the toolkit was your favorite though one
of my favorites is using the word policy
or vacation to make it a blanket refusal
so for instance I was once refused for a
lunch date with a very famous tech
investor and he said sorry I’m just
taking a I’m on a no meeting diet for
the next month and as a policy I’m
saying no to all meetings and I said
that’s interesting no meeting died so I
started using no conference called diet
no this that and the other friend diet
and people just rolled with it it was
incredible there was no feedback no
pushback that would be one because it’s
not you it’s me right and it’s a way of
breaking up with somebody and almost
inevitably what they say is I’m so busy
right now and over calendered that any
response I were to give you anytime I
already give you would find me
distracted so I’d love to do it later
but anything you’re gonna get right now
out of me it’s gonna be media later
though because that’s what this is the
thing be careful you have to be really
careful so there are people who take
that approach and then there are other
people like Dustin Moskovitz who’s also
in tribe of mentors who says the first
no is the cleanest not on the easiest
you have to do it very clearly and very
very early so he is a slightly different
but similar approach to saying no and
the best way to say no is not to respond
at all I find so really I thought you
just said you want to get the know you
like people say well I like is the
recipient for people to send me a very
polite no but if you have as I do right
now three hundred fifty five thousand
plus unread email then the act of just
parsing that what would take the rest of
your life and in that respect
cultivating selective ignorance and
becoming comfortable with letting a lot
of the trivial many slide which is
another theme that comes up a lot is
really important moving on the number
three look for ease I’ve spent a lot of
my life really angry and using rage and
anger a lot of it directed at myself as
a fuel for becoming a competitor because
the only wealth the only way that I felt
validated or valuable was to win period
that’s it I was an instrument for
winning and competing and I only felt
good in in relationship to other people
by somehow being able to tolerate more
pain work harder to be number one and it
was more a relief of not feeling
terrible about myself for a fraction of
a day then it was the joy of winning if
that makes sense it totally and so for
my whole life
I’ve been so completely brutal to myself
and I’ve realized through a number of
different means you know one of which
anybody can pick up which is actually a
book called radical acceptance by Tara
brach which terrible terrible title love
Tara brach but very very helpful
introduction to thinking about the
potential idea that if you want to
really help people or you want to really
love people you can’t do it if you have
if you hate yourself
you just cannot fully do it you cannot I
don’t think it’s possible so the last
few years have been and especially the
last one or two years a process of
asking different questions and one of
the questions there are many different
questions but one of the most important
which which is right up front in this
book and the reason the book kind of
exists in a way is what what might this
look like if it were easy things are
hard enough or they can be and there’s
so much uncertainty in the world that
for type-a personalities or people
who’ve been wounded and have become very
highly competitive as a result are
highly driven I’m hardly driven yeah
right and driven we usually use as a
very complimentary descriptor but you
know horse that’s being whipped to run
faster until it dies on the track is
also being driven yes and that’s not
always a good thing and very often a bad
thing that question what might this look
like if it were easy is real
deceptively leveraged question because
you start to look for elegance and ease
instead of the path of complexity that
allows you to absorb and tolerate the
most pain which some people myself
included for a long time
viewed as an indicator of doing the
right thing or and sometimes for me of
strength yeah yeah it’s like oh yeah no
I can read line for longer than all of
you
yep it’s like wait a second yeah wait
what do we talk yes
and this is good yeah this thing like
and there it don’t get me wrong there
there is strength and there are
advantages to having endurance but only
when you’re enduring things that are
worth enduring
mm-hmm as opposed to just making your
life painful so long answer long
monologue but I do think it’s very
important to talk about the darkness and
the failures and the hard times and when
I interview people I always try to bring
that out because it’s so easy like you
said to listen to an interview or to see
someone on the cover of a magazine and
think to yourself wow I really wish I
could do something like that but I’m me
and they’re them and they’ve got to
figure it out yeah and they always wake
up at 6:00 in the morning with like a
mental karate chop to copy the day with
no insecurities and that’s just
it’s not true and I can tell you with
first-hand knowledge knowing some of the
most impressive people I’ve ever come
across in the world who become my
friends we all have our demons so I want
I make a real conscious effort to talk
about those so that people can try to
create a safety net against
self-destruction and certainly at least
self-flagellation
and braiding next up at number four ask
better questions questions are
critically important because first and
foremost thinking what goes on here is
largely asking yourself questions and
answering them secondly if you want to
get anything in life chances are it’s
inside someone else’s head the knowledge
the skills the blueprint and the pickaxe
for getting that gold is in the form of
questions all right so there are few
things you can do to improve questions
number one is study questions watch
inside the Actors Studio listen to Terry
Gross listen to podcasts whether mine or
Joe Rogan’s or others so that you can
borrow questions and test them on other
people and there are few things to
consider when you’re formulating
questions number one is can it be
answered relatively quickly so for
instance if you found someone you
idolize you’re in an elevator oh my god
it’s Jimmy Fallon if you asked Jimmy a
question could he come up with a really
concrete answer in five seconds or less
the answer’s no find a different
question for you or for other people so
what is your favorite book for instance
not a good question because people have
read hundreds or thousands of books in
many cases but what book or books have
you gifted the most to other people it’s
gonna be a short list the search query
is really refined it’s fast click
alright much like asking yourself what
makes me happy is not really a great
questions too broad and it takes too
long to search but let’s just say what
makes me feel most relieved after work
when I get home or what activities which
people all right now we’re more refined
you can answer it much more quickly and
it’s more actionable a few things you
should not do if you meet someone who is
say just above your weight class in
terms of professional development and
you want to connect with them don’t ask
them questions that you could answer on
google number one all right number two
don’t ask them really broad questions
they couldn’t conceivably
answer quickly right what should I do
what advice would you give me for
succeeding these are not good terms
if you can’t define success in say 10
words or less get rid of it lose it from
the question all right and I would
encourage you to strive to be interested
in the form of good questions
if you seek to be perceived as
interesting stop talking start thinking
about questions and then stop and listen
moving on the number five learn how to
make decisions another would be and I
don’t know if you’ve ever had any
interaction with Kyle Maynard Kyle
maynard’s fascinating guy he’s that he
was born a congenital quad amputee so he
is his arms and before the elbows and
his legs before the knees nonetheless he
is in the National Wrestling Hall of
Fame like collegiate wrestling and is
the first person to ever climb Mount
Kilimanjaro without prosthetics so he
military crawled the entire mountains
he’s such a stud and he was taught by a
CEO at one point the CEOs used this for
hiring but you can use it for anything
this particular CEO very successful
would have his current employees rank
prospective employees from one to ten
and that’s not interesting by itself his
rule was you can’t use seven so I wanted
a ranking from one to ten
you can’t answer seven and what what
ends up being so beautiful about that
and leveraged is that seven is a safe
number it’s kind of like the non
offensive Switzerland of answers it’s
not committal it’s not too bad so you
can wiggle out of it whereas if you’re
choosing a six that’s barely passing
that’s not good if it’s an eight you’re
indicating you are pretty stoked like
you’re vouching you forced them to make
a decision exactly so you can love it
one to ten no seven and so I’ve used
that and kylus used it for say invasions
right anything imitation to conferences
invitations to coffee whatever it might
be it’s like decisions in life decisions
in life and finally number six meditate
I want to hear your response to one of
the questions that you sent to all of us
let’s do it so in the last five years
what new belief behavior or habit has
most improved your life so for everybody
watching when you get this book this is
one of the questions that many of us
quote-unquote mentors have answered yeah
I would say for me it is a can
stint morning practice before taking my
phone off of airplane mode of sitting
and doing a meditative practice for say
20 minutes and it’s stuck initially by
taking a transmittal meditation class of
perhaps three days when I was go through
a very very difficult time and Chase
Jarvis who’s awesome and I’ve hugely
successful commercial photographer he’s
worked at every big brand you can
imagine and is also a very good CEO both
he and Rick Rubin is like the most
legendary music producer of all time
just look at his disco discography it’s
insane it’s like Johnny Cash Eminem
jay-z Metallica you know the list is
absurd it’s like everybody you’ve ever
heard of and he also said to me at one
point because I was going through a
really rough time and I was very tightly
wound he said have you ever considered
TM and I’m like mantra like you pay them
to give you a mantra it’s a cult like I
don’t want to be part of a cult and on
and on and on and on they’re like now
it’s actually really secular and I know
there’s like a little bit of weird stuff
but you can just ignore that it’s like
the first hour of the talk just ignore
it what do you have to lose and I was
going through such a difficult period at
one point as it you know that’s a good
point
so I did it and that kick-started the
meditation and then I experimented with
other things like headspace which I have
no vested interest in so it’s you start
with 10 minutes a day for 10 days as a
proof of concept and the way I’d
encourage people to think about
meditation because it can sound very
woowoo and I certainly was repelled by
it for a long time is you are sitting
down say on a couch to practice
observing your thoughts and feelings and
emotions for a very short period of time
so that for the rest of the day you are
less emotionally reactive what this
means is you are rehearsing you are
training it’s like going to the gym so
let’s say you’re training for a sport
all right so you’re an athlete an X you
go to the gym to do squats to do this
this and this so that when you get on
the playing field you can perform better
it’s exactly the same
you’re rehearsing and training for your
day and then when you run into something
that normally would trigger you whether
that’s a certain type of email whether
that’s an employee who has a habit that
drives you insane or you being behind in
your schedule and then the line at
Starbucks is longer than you would like
whatever happens to be the things that
would normally cause you to get really
tightly wound or explode or berate
yourself or other people you will then
start to spot before you have the
reaction and then you say okay the half
a second of breathing let me choose my
response instead of being a hot held
hostage to these loops and triggers that
we all have so that has been enormous
lis enormous ly helpful for me so thank
you guys so much for watching I hope you
enjoyed I love to know which of the tips
had the biggest impact on you what
you’re going to immediately apply
somehow to your life with your business
my personal favorite was number one
which was fine mentors and I love that
idea of asking people questions that you
were trying to solve for yourself
so he’s turned that into a podcast and
basically he books his guests off his
own interests and to become coaching for
himself free life coaching for himself
based off of people who he really looks
up to and I really like that concept and
it’s something that we’re doing here
pretty soon on episodes of unlocking
Lily where she’s reaching out to people
to get some questions that she wants
answered for herself the one that really
was a question mark for me was number
six meditate lots of people have talked
about meditating
I’ve tried meditating at least 30
different times in different ways
different programs and nothing has stuck
I’ve never felt it I’ve never felt the
feeling that people feel when they say
like this has been the biggest benefit
to me for the past six years so ever the
question was that Marie asked him and I
think headspace as a tool that Tim
mentioned I’ve tried and you know it
didn’t work for me I did the 10 days I
did I just kept going it did 30 days I
did more it was good at just the
rigorous practice here we go but I never
really left it feeling so much better or
more relieved one thing that was super
interesting that he said was it makes it
less mo
surely reactive was at it less than
motional reactive yeah and I’m not
really emotionally active in general I
don’t say things that I regret I’m
pretty careful with my words I can get
excited and passionate and come out when
I’m talking to you guys on YouTube
making videos but I’ve thought through a
lot of these issues and the passion is
from a good place I think not a negative
one I don’t berate people I don’t I
don’t say things that I regret and so
maybe because I’m not seeking to be less
emotionally reactive
maybe that’s why meditation hasn’t quite
worked for me or maybe I’m just trying
to find a reason error excuse I will not
give up on my meditation journey and I’m
open to other opportunities anyway those
are my quick thoughts I’d love to hear
which rule again had the biggest impact
on you and why leave it down the count’s
below I’m looking forward to hearing
what you have to say finally I want to
give a quick shout out to Michael
Patrick from still field 21 thank you so
much Michael for picking up a copy of my
book your one word and doing the review
on your YouTube channel I really
appreciate the support man and I’m so
glad that you enjoyed my book Evan
Carmichael someone I need to get
familiar with thank you guys again for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is
much love I’ll see you soon raise your
standard Apple at the core its core
values is that mm-hmm that people your
passion and not one drop of most
self-worth depends on your it’s supposed
to mean I don’t ever give up I’d have to
be
that are completely infested hey believe
nation if you want to see my all-time
favorite top 10 gross a success I have a
very special secret video for you these
are the individual clips that I have
personally learned the most from and
applied to my life and my business check
the link the description for details
mentors learn to say no and ask better
questions than this video is for you
you’re the average of the five people
you associate with most which I still
think physically emotionally financially
that’s true the emails were so
incredibly well-crafted and so smart and
the wordsmithing that they used that I
then responded to the people who refused
to be in the book to say can I put your
refusal email in the book which I did
much like asking yourself what makes me
happy is not really a great questions
too broad and takes too long to search
what’s up what’s happened my one word is
believe and I believe in you and I
believe you have an amazing gift inside
that I want to see you unleash out into
the world I started that mentor me
series with the goal to try to hang
around people who’ve done a lot more
than us and hopefully by being around
them just a little bit longer some of
their beliefs their mindset their way of
seeing the world seeps into us to help
us become the best version of ourselves
so today we’re going to learn from one
of the best Tim Ferriss and how to build
a tribe of mentors mentor me Tim
[Music]
kicking us off at number one is our
first tip find mentors talk to me about
the new book
yes a tribe of mentors came about I just
turned 40 not too long ago and it’s been
a big 12 months been a heavy 12 months
too I had a number of close friends died
unexpectedly including one of my mentors
in this book actually passed away just a
few weeks ago very unexpectedly it was
off complications Terry Laughlin who
taught me how to swim and was turn 66 so
you had metastatic or metastasized
prostate cancer and then had
complications from that and a stroke and
I’m sorry it’s been thank you and a good
opportunity for me to just take a step
back and say all right let me hit pause
for a period of time to try to reassess
priorities look at the direction that
I’m heading look at the things I’m doing
or not doing how has planning or over
planning or under planning helped or
hurt me how am i relating to myself not
just to the world mean all these
questions start to bubble to the surface
and it seemed like a good opportunity to
ask a lot of questions some of which are
really tactical some which are more
strategic somewhere which are really
high level life mission type goals and I
asked myself the question which I’ve
been trying to do in the last couple of
years which is what would this look like
or what might it look like if it were
easy right so if this were simple what
would the structure look like and i
journaled on it and the answer that came
back was you should just ask other
people the questions that you are having
trouble answering for yourself so I’ve
reached out to about 140 people across
every possible discipline so ranging
from say David Lynch the director or
Terry Crews all the way to Kelly Slater
most decorated surfer of all time –
ayaan Hirsi Ali who’s an incredible
writer thinker activist Temple Grandin I
mean you name it basically every
possible discipline and industry artists
I reached out to all of them people at
the top of their fields and asked them a
set of 11 questions and then compiled it
into this book tribe of mentors because
I’ve thought for a very long time and
this is
borrowing from somebody else advice I
got when I was probably 14 or 15 which
was it was a it was a it was an older
student in a martial arts class he was
an adult and he left a voicemail on my
answering machine remember those and by
the way guys not on your mobile device
this is a machine with physical –
physical – you have to put the tape in
yeah and yeah if you ran out of tape
normos but his message was advice to me
which was you’re the average of the five
people you associate with most which I
still think physically emotionally
financially that’s true and I get asked
all the time well what if I don’t have
five people around me that I can use to
average up and I know ya find them or
you can do it remotely you can do it
virtually through audio through video
yeah through books and so the tribe of
mentors was intended to give people 130
of the world’s best to learn from up
next at number two is learn how to say
no the second thing that you said that I
think all busy people probably need to
take a lesson from is how to say no
gracefully and you came at this from an
interesting perspective even some people
who said no to you to this project right
so I reached out to a lot of different
people dalai lama call me and there was
a lot of non responses and then there
were a fair number of polite declines
and some of the emails were so
incredibly well-crafted and so smart and
the wordsmithing that they used that i
then responded to the people who refused
to be in the book to say can i put your
refusal email in the book which i did so
and who people said no like Danny Meyer
Shake Shack and so on then you have Neal
Stephenson incredible science fiction
writer one of my favorites Snow Crash
and many many others Wendy McDonough
does an illustrator so you can copy and
paste basically the language they use to
make it easier for you to say no to all
those invitations makes you go Zed we
don’t get a response
I like them more after being rejected
which is a real Jedi trick to give it
but give us a couple of the
articulations no I’ll give you a couple
of ideas and we’ll get people to buy the
book – yeah oh no for sure there and
there are dozens of different tool and
the toolkit was your favorite though one
of my favorites is using the word policy
or vacation to make it a blanket refusal
so for instance I was once refused for a
lunch date with a very famous tech
investor and he said sorry I’m just
taking a I’m on a no meeting diet for
the next month and as a policy I’m
saying no to all meetings and I said
that’s interesting no meeting died so I
started using no conference called diet
no this that and the other friend diet
and people just rolled with it it was
incredible there was no feedback no
pushback that would be one because it’s
not you it’s me right and it’s a way of
breaking up with somebody and almost
inevitably what they say is I’m so busy
right now and over calendered that any
response I were to give you anytime I
already give you would find me
distracted so I’d love to do it later
but anything you’re gonna get right now
out of me it’s gonna be media later
though because that’s what this is the
thing be careful you have to be really
careful so there are people who take
that approach and then there are other
people like Dustin Moskovitz who’s also
in tribe of mentors who says the first
no is the cleanest not on the easiest
you have to do it very clearly and very
very early so he is a slightly different
but similar approach to saying no and
the best way to say no is not to respond
at all I find so really I thought you
just said you want to get the know you
like people say well I like is the
recipient for people to send me a very
polite no but if you have as I do right
now three hundred fifty five thousand
plus unread email then the act of just
parsing that what would take the rest of
your life and in that respect
cultivating selective ignorance and
becoming comfortable with letting a lot
of the trivial many slide which is
another theme that comes up a lot is
really important moving on the number
three look for ease I’ve spent a lot of
my life really angry and using rage and
anger a lot of it directed at myself as
a fuel for becoming a competitor because
the only wealth the only way that I felt
validated or valuable was to win period
that’s it I was an instrument for
winning and competing and I only felt
good in in relationship to other people
by somehow being able to tolerate more
pain work harder to be number one and it
was more a relief of not feeling
terrible about myself for a fraction of
a day then it was the joy of winning if
that makes sense it totally and so for
my whole life
I’ve been so completely brutal to myself
and I’ve realized through a number of
different means you know one of which
anybody can pick up which is actually a
book called radical acceptance by Tara
brach which terrible terrible title love
Tara brach but very very helpful
introduction to thinking about the
potential idea that if you want to
really help people or you want to really
love people you can’t do it if you have
if you hate yourself
you just cannot fully do it you cannot I
don’t think it’s possible so the last
few years have been and especially the
last one or two years a process of
asking different questions and one of
the questions there are many different
questions but one of the most important
which which is right up front in this
book and the reason the book kind of
exists in a way is what what might this
look like if it were easy things are
hard enough or they can be and there’s
so much uncertainty in the world that
for type-a personalities or people
who’ve been wounded and have become very
highly competitive as a result are
highly driven I’m hardly driven yeah
right and driven we usually use as a
very complimentary descriptor but you
know horse that’s being whipped to run
faster until it dies on the track is
also being driven yes and that’s not
always a good thing and very often a bad
thing that question what might this look
like if it were easy is real
deceptively leveraged question because
you start to look for elegance and ease
instead of the path of complexity that
allows you to absorb and tolerate the
most pain which some people myself
included for a long time
viewed as an indicator of doing the
right thing or and sometimes for me of
strength yeah yeah it’s like oh yeah no
I can read line for longer than all of
you
yep it’s like wait a second yeah wait
what do we talk yes
and this is good yeah this thing like
and there it don’t get me wrong there
there is strength and there are
advantages to having endurance but only
when you’re enduring things that are
worth enduring
mm-hmm as opposed to just making your
life painful so long answer long
monologue but I do think it’s very
important to talk about the darkness and
the failures and the hard times and when
I interview people I always try to bring
that out because it’s so easy like you
said to listen to an interview or to see
someone on the cover of a magazine and
think to yourself wow I really wish I
could do something like that but I’m me
and they’re them and they’ve got to
figure it out yeah and they always wake
up at 6:00 in the morning with like a
mental karate chop to copy the day with
no insecurities and that’s just
it’s not true and I can tell you with
first-hand knowledge knowing some of the
most impressive people I’ve ever come
across in the world who become my
friends we all have our demons so I want
I make a real conscious effort to talk
about those so that people can try to
create a safety net against
self-destruction and certainly at least
self-flagellation
and braiding next up at number four ask
better questions questions are
critically important because first and
foremost thinking what goes on here is
largely asking yourself questions and
answering them secondly if you want to
get anything in life chances are it’s
inside someone else’s head the knowledge
the skills the blueprint and the pickaxe
for getting that gold is in the form of
questions all right so there are few
things you can do to improve questions
number one is study questions watch
inside the Actors Studio listen to Terry
Gross listen to podcasts whether mine or
Joe Rogan’s or others so that you can
borrow questions and test them on other
people and there are few things to
consider when you’re formulating
questions number one is can it be
answered relatively quickly so for
instance if you found someone you
idolize you’re in an elevator oh my god
it’s Jimmy Fallon if you asked Jimmy a
question could he come up with a really
concrete answer in five seconds or less
the answer’s no find a different
question for you or for other people so
what is your favorite book for instance
not a good question because people have
read hundreds or thousands of books in
many cases but what book or books have
you gifted the most to other people it’s
gonna be a short list the search query
is really refined it’s fast click
alright much like asking yourself what
makes me happy is not really a great
questions too broad and it takes too
long to search but let’s just say what
makes me feel most relieved after work
when I get home or what activities which
people all right now we’re more refined
you can answer it much more quickly and
it’s more actionable a few things you
should not do if you meet someone who is
say just above your weight class in
terms of professional development and
you want to connect with them don’t ask
them questions that you could answer on
google number one all right number two
don’t ask them really broad questions
they couldn’t conceivably
answer quickly right what should I do
what advice would you give me for
succeeding these are not good terms
if you can’t define success in say 10
words or less get rid of it lose it from
the question all right and I would
encourage you to strive to be interested
in the form of good questions
if you seek to be perceived as
interesting stop talking start thinking
about questions and then stop and listen
moving on the number five learn how to
make decisions another would be and I
don’t know if you’ve ever had any
interaction with Kyle Maynard Kyle
maynard’s fascinating guy he’s that he
was born a congenital quad amputee so he
is his arms and before the elbows and
his legs before the knees nonetheless he
is in the National Wrestling Hall of
Fame like collegiate wrestling and is
the first person to ever climb Mount
Kilimanjaro without prosthetics so he
military crawled the entire mountains
he’s such a stud and he was taught by a
CEO at one point the CEOs used this for
hiring but you can use it for anything
this particular CEO very successful
would have his current employees rank
prospective employees from one to ten
and that’s not interesting by itself his
rule was you can’t use seven so I wanted
a ranking from one to ten
you can’t answer seven and what what
ends up being so beautiful about that
and leveraged is that seven is a safe
number it’s kind of like the non
offensive Switzerland of answers it’s
not committal it’s not too bad so you
can wiggle out of it whereas if you’re
choosing a six that’s barely passing
that’s not good if it’s an eight you’re
indicating you are pretty stoked like
you’re vouching you forced them to make
a decision exactly so you can love it
one to ten no seven and so I’ve used
that and kylus used it for say invasions
right anything imitation to conferences
invitations to coffee whatever it might
be it’s like decisions in life decisions
in life and finally number six meditate
I want to hear your response to one of
the questions that you sent to all of us
let’s do it so in the last five years
what new belief behavior or habit has
most improved your life so for everybody
watching when you get this book this is
one of the questions that many of us
quote-unquote mentors have answered yeah
I would say for me it is a can
stint morning practice before taking my
phone off of airplane mode of sitting
and doing a meditative practice for say
20 minutes and it’s stuck initially by
taking a transmittal meditation class of
perhaps three days when I was go through
a very very difficult time and Chase
Jarvis who’s awesome and I’ve hugely
successful commercial photographer he’s
worked at every big brand you can
imagine and is also a very good CEO both
he and Rick Rubin is like the most
legendary music producer of all time
just look at his disco discography it’s
insane it’s like Johnny Cash Eminem
jay-z Metallica you know the list is
absurd it’s like everybody you’ve ever
heard of and he also said to me at one
point because I was going through a
really rough time and I was very tightly
wound he said have you ever considered
TM and I’m like mantra like you pay them
to give you a mantra it’s a cult like I
don’t want to be part of a cult and on
and on and on and on they’re like now
it’s actually really secular and I know
there’s like a little bit of weird stuff
but you can just ignore that it’s like
the first hour of the talk just ignore
it what do you have to lose and I was
going through such a difficult period at
one point as it you know that’s a good
point
so I did it and that kick-started the
meditation and then I experimented with
other things like headspace which I have
no vested interest in so it’s you start
with 10 minutes a day for 10 days as a
proof of concept and the way I’d
encourage people to think about
meditation because it can sound very
woowoo and I certainly was repelled by
it for a long time is you are sitting
down say on a couch to practice
observing your thoughts and feelings and
emotions for a very short period of time
so that for the rest of the day you are
less emotionally reactive what this
means is you are rehearsing you are
training it’s like going to the gym so
let’s say you’re training for a sport
all right so you’re an athlete an X you
go to the gym to do squats to do this
this and this so that when you get on
the playing field you can perform better
it’s exactly the same
you’re rehearsing and training for your
day and then when you run into something
that normally would trigger you whether
that’s a certain type of email whether
that’s an employee who has a habit that
drives you insane or you being behind in
your schedule and then the line at
Starbucks is longer than you would like
whatever happens to be the things that
would normally cause you to get really
tightly wound or explode or berate
yourself or other people you will then
start to spot before you have the
reaction and then you say okay the half
a second of breathing let me choose my
response instead of being a hot held
hostage to these loops and triggers that
we all have so that has been enormous
lis enormous ly helpful for me so thank
you guys so much for watching I hope you
enjoyed I love to know which of the tips
had the biggest impact on you what
you’re going to immediately apply
somehow to your life with your business
my personal favorite was number one
which was fine mentors and I love that
idea of asking people questions that you
were trying to solve for yourself
so he’s turned that into a podcast and
basically he books his guests off his
own interests and to become coaching for
himself free life coaching for himself
based off of people who he really looks
up to and I really like that concept and
it’s something that we’re doing here
pretty soon on episodes of unlocking
Lily where she’s reaching out to people
to get some questions that she wants
answered for herself the one that really
was a question mark for me was number
six meditate lots of people have talked
about meditating
I’ve tried meditating at least 30
different times in different ways
different programs and nothing has stuck
I’ve never felt it I’ve never felt the
feeling that people feel when they say
like this has been the biggest benefit
to me for the past six years so ever the
question was that Marie asked him and I
think headspace as a tool that Tim
mentioned I’ve tried and you know it
didn’t work for me I did the 10 days I
did I just kept going it did 30 days I
did more it was good at just the
rigorous practice here we go but I never
really left it feeling so much better or
more relieved one thing that was super
interesting that he said was it makes it
less mo
surely reactive was at it less than
motional reactive yeah and I’m not
really emotionally active in general I
don’t say things that I regret I’m
pretty careful with my words I can get
excited and passionate and come out when
I’m talking to you guys on YouTube
making videos but I’ve thought through a
lot of these issues and the passion is
from a good place I think not a negative
one I don’t berate people I don’t I
don’t say things that I regret and so
maybe because I’m not seeking to be less
emotionally reactive
maybe that’s why meditation hasn’t quite
worked for me or maybe I’m just trying
to find a reason error excuse I will not
give up on my meditation journey and I’m
open to other opportunities anyway those
are my quick thoughts I’d love to hear
which rule again had the biggest impact
on you and why leave it down the count’s
below I’m looking forward to hearing
what you have to say finally I want to
give a quick shout out to Michael
Patrick from still field 21 thank you so
much Michael for picking up a copy of my
book your one word and doing the review
on your YouTube channel I really
appreciate the support man and I’m so
glad that you enjoyed my book Evan
Carmichael someone I need to get
familiar with thank you guys again for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is
much love I’ll see you soon raise your
standard Apple at the core its core
values is that mm-hmm that people your
passion and not one drop of most
self-worth depends on your it’s supposed
to mean I don’t ever give up I’d have to
be
that are completely infested hey believe
nation if you want to see my all-time
favorite top 10 gross a success I have a
very special secret video for you these
are the individual clips that I have
personally learned the most from and
applied to my life and my business check
the link the description for details
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