we’re not just one thing and when we go
all in on one thing were severely
neglecting the other parts of us which
makes for an empty human the energy will
always guide you and that’s always what
I’m going for is where am I feeling most
alive yeah and Who am I feeling the most
alive around discipline equals freedom
100% need motivation watch a captain
would believe mission
what’s that believe nation it’s heaven
my one word is believe and I believe in
you I believe you have Michael Jordan
level talent at something and I want you
to find it embrace it and use it to make
a difference so let’s get your
motivation to attend and get you
believing in you grab a snack and join
today’s lessons from a woman who went
from growing up as an overweight kid in
an overweight family being teased for
her weight and her religion growing up
to building two multi-million dollar
businesses and becoming one of the top
fitness experts in the world
she’s Lauri harder and here’s my take on
her top ten rules of success
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one find fulfillment you realize along
the way or once you’ve won something or
once you’ve made a lot of money it’s
like if you don’t enjoy the journey that
moment is so fleeting it’s it’s gone in
a second and if you don’t have the inner
mindset of loving yourself of loving who
you are of loving what you do of of
wanting to make an impact of wanting to
help others of wanting to improve
someone else’s life like that it’s
honestly the most empty feeling if you
think that’s the only thing and I
remember I had this moment I had worked
so incredibly hard it had been like six
years of competing some people some
people compete and win right away and
they get these covers and you know
that’s just what I thought would happen
and six years later I’m still like not
winning not getting covers not nobody’s
noticing me and finally actually that
year something shifted for me that the
year that I won like swept everything
and what happened is the year prior to
that I had started training other people
go figure training them for stage really
training them a lot in my studio really
wanting other people to win like making
their wins my win and what happened is
their journey became so much mine and I
became so just immersed in making
someone else’s life better that that
next year it was like I was so fulfilled
and happy and that just radiated I knew
that my purpose wasn’t just the body I
knew that my purpose was so much bigger
than this one thing that all of a sudden
I showed up on stage is a totally
different person literally people were
like who are you what happened and I had
this moment of I I let go of thinking
this was everything and I actually
learned that the journey is about
helping other people it’s about you know
really loving what you do and who you
are but love
the fact that you get to do what you
love
for other people and that just it
flipped it literally flipped on a dime
for me and that that was a moment of wow
it’s never about the titles those things
are amazing don’t get me wrong I love
them I’m not gonna lie but if you don’t
do both if you don’t use them or use
them as a platform for something they’re
gonna be really empty because they’re
just a moment rule number two act as if
so the most important part of getting to
a goal is to start feeling it now is to
start acting as if right if you want to
be that leader if you want to be that
author if you want to be that painter
all it takes is one action and you truly
are in the process of becoming it so
it’s funny that I am literally basically
done with the book and I’m like can I
call myself an author yet I’ve written a
book of course because you have taken
the action you’re doing the actions
there is no final anointing of anyone
there’s no ceremony there’s no fireworks
you just start acting as if and feeling
it and envisioning it and picturing it
and soon enough you become it right so
everybody starts somewhere so whether
you are a famous ballerina or an Olympic
swimmer they all started somewhere they
all had to take that first class they
all had to take that first leap into the
water right and at what point can you
start calling yourself a swimmer a
dancer an author it’s the second that
you start taking action and you start
thinking it and you’re feeling it right
it’s about embodying it so my biggest
tip for you is to start seeing yourself
as that person and start taking the
small actions of being that person that
you want to be that’s the only thing
that is separating you from actually
being it so you have to act as if in
order to really start getting that ball
rolling and all of a sudden you are rule
number three start having tough calm
sessions we’re resistant of having the
tough conversations in our female
relationships and our relationships in
general and life with our parents
whatever it is because we’re so we’re
not used to that spike in emotions
because it feels like it’s this what
it’s this tidal wave coming at end of
the world feeling totally but what
happens is and I just had one of the
toughest conversations in my life with
my mother like two weeks ago and it’s
this spike right it’s like I had to do
the Mel Robbins like five four three two
one no lie like I was like five four
three two one dial or you’re never doing
this I was like wanted to throw up so
it’s a tidal wave but what happens is
the second you start getting it out it’s
literally 30 seconds to a minute
it clears and you’re on the other side
it feels so much better when you’re done
so much better swayed even thirty
seconds in though so it’s just that
first spike of before hand that it’s
like all the resistance is right here
right now you guys if we just if we
would start having these tough
conversations more often your whole life
changes mm-hmm like your entire life
changes and things just start coming to
you because it’s all about understanding
that we are all so different we’re
bringing in a million different things
from our past and we’re bringing it into
this moment right now we don’t even know
it like everything I’m perceiving about
you is because of what I’ve perceived
from my past and it’s not until I
realized how I feel if some things are
blocked with me that you would ever even
know ever even know that you know maybe
maybe tall men scare me sure a lot of
women it does and I’m just being honest
ya know they don’t scare me but I’m just
saying like anything simple like that
that we’re bringing into the moment and
there’s so many things you know layers
that we don’t even realize we’re showing
up as or we’re carrying or carrying with
us that is blocking yeah a connection if
you’re not speaking the idea of having
tough conversations you know this
reflects even in business for all of us
it’s like we’re scared to have these
tough conversations we’re scared to hurt
people we’re scared to say how we feel
because we could really you know what if
we’re not friends anymore we think that
we’re supposed to have these friends and
they’re supposed to be our lifelong
friends and that’s
huge that is a huge different powering
belief as well dudes ain’t gotta hold on
to or something that maybe is 10 20
years outdated either long serves either
of you yes I mean I can’t tell you the
amount of women who are like yeah but
these are the women who I grew up with
and I was in a sorority with him like
you’re never gonna move forward you’re
carrying all of them back here and
you’re evolving and becoming a new
person like every single day if we’re
doing it right we should have someone
say to us you know you’ve changed yeah
oh yeah I’m growing I don’t want to
become a different person and I think
we’re dragging all of these people
behind us and we’re dragging all of
these stories and all of this stuff and
we’re showing up and we’re exhausted and
we’re trying to meet each other and like
oh my god that’s in the women who are
maybe doing the work or who are really
ready to connect if you’re carrying all
that they’re not ready to connect with
all of that either
rule number four find balance so you’ve
got this I really like the titles I
really want to go after it I’m way
intense I want to win I’m all-in getting
in that kind of shape is brutally
difficult but then at the same time you
can balance it with the playfulness and
it’s not all about that how have you
learned to strike that balance and and
maybe more importantly how do you teach
other people to do that mmm I’ve learned
if I don’t learn to strike that balance
that when I go to extreme in either one
I’m not I’m not happy I feel very
scattered I feel frantic I feel crazy so
I think that for me when I start feeling
a little bit chaotic so for me it shows
up in a very like grasping for straws
things aren’t happening like I’m running
into a wall like the feeling of banging
your head against a wall that’s what it
feels like for me and I know a lot of
people can relate to that and I think
especially a lot of people in fitness
might get into it to kind of like maybe
they’re anxious or it calms their nerves
because I think I run really on the
anxious side so for me if I don’t learn
how to control that I’ll go to the
extreme of something so it’s a must for
me I actually think it’s a must for
everyone to kind of find how to dance in
the different categories of your life
because we’re not just one thing and
when we go all in on one thing we’re
are severely neglecting the other parts
of us which makes for an empty human you
know which makes for someone who doesn’t
feel who never feels full so I have to
remember that there’s so many parts of
me that I need to make sure that I’m
fulfilling rule number five up your
energy to start checking in with your
thoughts and how you’re feeling each day
so outside about gratitude practice
which I’m going to kind of talk about as
well this is probably the number one
fastest way that you can start changing
your life and I’m going to tell you
about the ripple effect that happens so
it’s checking in to see where you’re at
what emotion are you feeling in that
moment so if you wake up in the morning
and you’re anything like me I don’t
necessarily wake up in the best Boone at
all so I really need to start figuring
out how to up level my feelings right
because our feelings are the best
indicators of what we’re attracting what
we’re going to attract that day how
we’re gonna feel maybe what’s going to
come into our life who we’re gonna end
up talking to because truly truly I know
that we are all on a we’re all vibrating
at a different frequency so if you are a
really positive excited happy person who
knows that great things are gonna come
your way or who’s always thinking
positive you’re gonna attract that same
type of person and I can see this
through my life as I’ve really started
to uplevel my life and my thoughts in my
business the people that are being drawn
to me so you really do it really is like
attracts like so what we want to do is
we want to get you into that mode right
those people that you’re like wow they
can just walk into a room and you just
feel their energy they’re just vibrating
so high or maybe they’re just always so
happy or they always you you just want
to be around them because you want a
piece of what they have so how do we get
there how do we become one of those
people when you wake up in the morning
maybe if you are at a low point or
you’re thinking about all the things
that you have to do that day what is a
thought or what is something that you
can do to get yourself to the next best
reachable thought so I don’t want you to
think that you have to go from zero to a
hundred in that split second it’s
basically going from zero to five to ten
to twenty to fifty
and working your way up so it’s one
thought at a time so maybe you wake up
and you just say three things that
you’re grateful for every single morning
you let yourself really experience being
grateful for really think about why
you’re grateful and then what you’re
gonna do is as as you mosey down the
stairs to get your cup of coffee you say
three more things you’re grateful for or
I’m so grateful that I have a job today
because of what it allows me to do and
you really start letting that sink in
and you think of something that maybe
you’re excited about something that you
could create something that you love
about yourself it’s this constant up
levelling of your thoughts so it’s
guiding your thoughts right so instead
of just being mindless which what
happens we’re imperfect human beings
right so when we’re mindless and when we
don’t guide our thoughts they’re gonna
go to chaos they’re gonna go to
craziness they’re gonna go to
overwhelmed because life is crazy and
we’re constantly getting sidetracked
we’re constantly getting distracted it’s
literally people’s full-time job on TV
on Instagram on whatever we’re doing to
distract us right they want us to be
their consumer they want us to be
completely distracted they want us to go
to this fast-food place do this thing do
that thing so we need to bring it back
to a mindful place so really that’s what
we’re doing when we up level those
thoughts is how do you bring it back
from crazytown so bring it on back and
then guide it to that next best thought
right because the next best thought is
gonna attract another good thought
attract another good thought and it
attract another good thought rule number
six follow where the life is so I think
that we have some signs in our body I
think that we are so you know I think
we’re spiritual beings in a physical
body and I think that we’re experiencing
in our physical body what we’re meant to
we’re women to be going what we’re doing
you know a lot of us we don’t even
realize how intuitive and connected and
how much we actually know when we’re
supposed to go and what happens is you
know because how many times have you
said I knew I shouldn’t have done that
I had a gut feeling about that and all
of the time and to say to say that we
don’t know and we don’t feel anybody
like my solar plexus tells me more than
I want to know sometimes I’m just like
oh my stomach this isn’t the
relationship for me or maybe this is why
just have another conversation or
totally or something needs to come out
like your body is always trying to tell
you something so for me when it’s
relationships it’s like the energy has
left the building
like if there is just nothing there
anymore I really believe that that is
our sign that that contract with that
person has been fulfilled and it’s time
to move towards the energy like the
energy will always guide you and that’s
always what I’m going for is where am I
feeling most alive yeah
and Who am I feeling the most alive
around now it doesn’t mean I don’t go
and talk to these other people sometimes
because they’re fantastic and I love you
know obviously giving back and doing
different things like that but majority
of your time needs to be spent where the
life is where the energy is and it will
no it has never let me down it has never
done me wrong yeah and it’s always my
sign that maybe that maybe that
particular time in contract is fulfilled
over here rule number seven embrace
vulnerability when I was first building
my business and when I was really
getting into the fitness world I
neglected play and I neglected I’m like
I love being a weirdo I love being a
goofball
I love being funny and I thought that I
had to suppress that side of me in order
to win in order to be successful you
know school was college was frowned upon
and like a really restrictive religion
so for me I think that in order to win
and be successful I thought that I had
to just shut down the goofy I had to be
a certain way I had to just drive so
hard and what happened is the driving
got me somewhere it drive drive drive
drive do it do it and you know the voice
in my head was like it was very like a
hardcore coach which would get me
somewhere but there was no joy along the
way so every time I’d wind up somewhere
I was like well I thought this would be
way better then
actually here and that wasn’t even fun
was it even worth it and now it’s never
enough it’s like never enough and I just
felt so empty as well because this part
of me that I loved I loved that side of
me
I love the silly goofy side it’s like
that’s when I really that feeling of
really liking yourself and feeling alive
that’s when I feel most connected to
people and I that was another moment of
okay
I really think that all of my power
might be in the complete vulnerability
and when I started sharing my story more
of you know I still have anxiety like
literally when I sat in this chair I was
like a whole day I think there’s the
wave again I still have massive anxiety
I’m like a massive weirdo I when I
started sharing those things it was the
people just came flooding in because
they can see you like they can finally
see who you are and they want to know
how you did it and they want to be
around you and they want to learn you
know well how did you get through or how
are you living with that then rule
number eight bill discipline I love
talking about discipline because I think
so many people that word has such a
negative connotation around it right it
just sounds bad discipline like you’re
gonna feel pain or someone’s gonna hurt
you or or you’re in trouble for
something and I want to start having you
think about it in a really positive way
because discipline equals freedom 100%
it has been the theme throughout my
entire life is how if you have
structured discipline in your life and
you start doing the things that you
don’t want to do especially if you do
them first you are absolutely going to
free yourself of all of the different
pain that comes with not getting your
goals accomplished with comes with that
comes with not taking care of yourself
that comes with living with regret so
before way back in my early 20s and even
through my mid-20s when I would you know
I was trying to create habits around
maybe eating right or habits around
working out and
me tell you habits around getting stuff
done I literally in my head told myself
all the time my mantra at the time was I
never finish anything so what do you
think I did I finished
nothing because that’s literally how I
talked to myself well well I never
finished anything this is another thing
I didn’t finish so I had to switch that
mantra around and it was also realizing
how important discipline was and how
much freedom came with it and I spent a
lot of time living in agony in my head
and I was tired all the time because I
spent more of my time in my brain
thinking about what I didn’t do and
arguing with myself all day long so am I
gonna go to the gym I don’t want to go
to the gym you should go to the gym why
aren’t you going to the gym you know you
need to go to the gym you’re never gonna
get to your goals it’s like I was
drained just because of the
conversations I was having with myself
if I would have just gotten disciplined
committed to a time or knew I was going
I could have focused on all of the other
good things that were happening in my
life and just knew this is what I’m
doing it’s like just saying okay well
here’s what I’m doing so I can forget
about it until the moment that it comes
I’m gonna do it because I’m committing
truly committing to discipline and how
freeing that is and when I started
getting a great discipline habit around
all of the things that I wanted to do I
started to notice how much more free I
felt how much less anxiety I felt how
when my head hit the pillow I felt proud
instead of another day just went by that
I’m further away from my goals and I
have regret and I’m feeling my life
raced by me right those are all feeling
that do not feel good that discipline
can free you from rule number nine my
personal favorite get rid of negative
self-talk a lot of times we replay that
mantra of I’m not worthy of that job I
have nothing to offer what makes me
different and we get stuck in that
negative self-talk and we get stuck in
that negative cycle and a lot of us stay
in that cycle because it’s easier to
stay there so this was really
interesting when I thought about when I
got stuck in this negative cycle it was
easier for me to say negative things and
keep myself safe so that I never had to
go outside of my comfort
zone and actually go for those
opportunities that scared the living
daylights out of me so the mantra that I
would say was oh it doesn’t matter I’m
not gonna do that because I’m not gonna
offer anything I’m not gonna bring
anything to the table I would be a
disappointment I would never you know no
one would ever consider me anyway so all
in all if you want to start feeling
worthy you have to start thinking
thoughts that you’re worthy and taking
those risks so you miss a hundred
percent of the shots that you don’t take
love that quote because it is so true we
have to start taking those small risks
so my two top tips that I want you to
grab hold of and use this week are to
change your self-talk around worthiness
and to start taking little risks now I
know this sounds great but it is
challenging to implement because it’s
something completely outside of what
you’re doing already so we want to start
small and you must do this if you want
to move forward this is exactly the
steps that I took so mantras are a great
way to start whenever that comes up
where you start feeling like an
opportunity is coming or maybe you are
thinking that you want to take that step
to get that different job or you’re
thinking about going to the gym but why
go anyway you need to have a mantra that
you can grab on to otherwise your brain
is gonna go to your self-defeating
negative talk because that’s all that’s
in there you didn’t give yourself a new
file to pull from so a great mantra I
like to use is I am a perfect work in
progress and I’m a magnet for all I
desire I am a perfect work in progress
and I am a magnet for all I desire so
when that negative thought comes up you
say no I’m choosing a new way and then
you insert your mantra because that’s
the only way for your brain to start
clinging on to your new mantra and also
ask yourself if you felt worthy what are
some of the small things that you would
do that day that would make you feel
good about you if I already felt worthy
of X Y & Z if I already felt worthy of
that body that I desire if I already
felt worthy of that job that I desire
what is
thing that I would be doing or taking a
risk on today you need to start stepping
outside of your comfort zone a little
bit every day to make yourself proud
when you make yourself proud and when
you make yourself accomplished by going
outside of your comfort zone a little
bit each day that’s how you start to
build up that worthiness muscle and make
yourself feel accomplished so get rid of
that self-talk by using that mantra and
do something a little risky every day
maybe just start by saying hello to a
stranger and talking to them maybe start
by just looking to see what
opportunities are out there because like
I said you miss every opportunity that
you don’t even try to take and rule
number 10 the last one before a very
special bonus clip is turn struggles
into strengths so the unapologetic kid
version of me wanted to be a performer I
would pretty much do anything for the
spotlight and I lived to make people
laugh so you can imagine my excitement
when at 11 years old I got invited to a
pool party with diving boards this was
my opportunity to show off some of my
incredible so I thought acrobatic skills
so the day of the pool party arrives and
I’m climbing the ladder and as I’m
climbing in my brand new swimsuit the
list is going through my head am I gonna
do the splits am I gonna do a front flip
or am I gonna do good old reliable
cannonball you know you did it so my
audience has assembled below it’s five
friends included among them is the boy
who in my daydreams plays my future
so I hear them cheering this is exciting
right I hear them cheering and I tune in
closer and I realized that they’re not
cheering they’re yelling well well well
and just as I’m about to jump in the boy
that I have been crushing on so hard
yells don’t jump there won’t be any
water left in the pool and so I’m
standing on the diving board and I’m
devastated and any thought of doing a
trick vanishes I suddenly feel so
foolish for thinking I was any good at
doing any tricks I felt ashamed of my
body and I jumped into the water as
quickly as I could to hide in to cry and
the second I got under the water I let
out the biggest sob and I can still hear
it in my ears to this day and I I
remember the feeling of the bubbles
rushing past my face as I was crying
under the water because these people
were supposed to be my friends and I
sunk deeper and deeper and I never
wanted to come up again so this was the
first moment that I can remember
allowing someone else’s opinion of me
make me feel ashamed of who I was and
this was the first time that I can
remember looking at the other girls long
thin bodies and comparing them to mine
thinking I must need to look different
to fit in but right before I came up
from the water I also remember thinking
just wait I’m gonna get so fit that they
are never going to make fun of me again
so the single shift in my perception
that singled the hut later turned into a
formula that I started using in order to
reach all of my goals so I want to
introduce this formula to you today and
that formula is resistance plus time
under tension equals strength so first
let me tell you that in the fitness
world resistance training means any
force that you use any external force or
resistance that you use to exercise to
build muscles or to build endurance or
to build physical strength and time
under tension is the amount of time that
your muscles stay under resistance so
both of these concepts are used in order
to gain physical strength gain muscles
gain endurance but today I want to show
you how this these concepts literally
run parallel to getting stronger
internally so I like to explain it using
these four points so number one the
heavier the resistance the stronger the
muscle you can build so just like in
life the bigger the challenge the bigger
the opportunity right number two you
must keep that muscle under tension
until failure or close to it so what
this does is it tears the muscle fibers
down and it allows them to repair
themselves and they come back stronger
after failure so just like in life when
we decide to come back from failure what
happens we come back just a little bit
stronger right just a little bit wiser
so number three you have to be
consistent because if you don’t use it
you lose it we all know that so just
like in life every single day is
offering us resistance we probably had
some this morning right getting here
maybe in traffic so and what does that
provide the opportunity to be a little
more patient to be a little more loving
right to be a little more brave maybe be
a little more assertive and meet your
neighbors tonight so number four as you
get stronger you must take on more
challenging forms of resistance I know
that’s a tough one and just like in life
if we don’t keep seek
uncomfortable situations we’re not going
to grow because the only place we grow
now I’ve got a really special Laurie
harder bonus clip around finding your
inner voice that I think you’re really
gonna enjoy but before that question of
the day I want to know which of Laurie’s
messages resonated more with you get rid
of negative self-talk or build
discipline let me know in the comments
below thank you guys so much for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much loved
I’ll see you soon and enjoy the bonus
I look back at my journey and I never
knew what I was doing to be honest with
you ever I mean it’s still to this day
I’m like still trying to figure out what
that next thing is in kind of listening
to that voice and to be honest with you
it’s always been this innate ability to
to know that something is speaking to me
and I think we all have it
I just really go to what is feeling most
aligned or like what gives you the most
life what gives you the most vitality
what gives you the most energy so for me
that’s kind of what I followed it was
like when in the beginning it was when
do I not feel bad like how can I just
feel a little bit better than this and
that’s what has always brought me back
to moving is moving has always brought
me clarity it’s always helped me know
what that voice is saying even in my
marriage now Chris and I will constantly
if there’s something coming up if
there’s something we can’t work through
if there’s something in our business we
say let’s take it on a walk because
that’s when we can kind of slow down
listen to that voice what’s next so I
think there’s always that thing that we
know can come through and we either
choose to drown it out or we can do the
things that we know kind of make it
louder if you tell yourself a story long
enough you start to believe it don’t you
believe it you act like it I have Tulsa
what a wail out of handcuffed lightning
though Thunder in jail now you know I’m
bad over the last week I’ve murdered a
rock into the stone hospitalized a brick
I’m so mean I make medicine sick the
fundamental key to success is it can
take between eighteen and two hundred
and fifty-four days of taking action for
a new habit to stick I’ve created a new
course called 250 for confidence or
every single day for 250 four days I
will be sending you a video between 30
seconds and 5 minutes long that you
start your morning with around making
you feel confident it’s absolutely free
check out the link in the description below to get access
all in on one thing were severely
neglecting the other parts of us which
makes for an empty human the energy will
always guide you and that’s always what
I’m going for is where am I feeling most
alive yeah and Who am I feeling the most
alive around discipline equals freedom
100% need motivation watch a captain
would believe mission
what’s that believe nation it’s heaven
my one word is believe and I believe in
you I believe you have Michael Jordan
level talent at something and I want you
to find it embrace it and use it to make
a difference so let’s get your
motivation to attend and get you
believing in you grab a snack and join
today’s lessons from a woman who went
from growing up as an overweight kid in
an overweight family being teased for
her weight and her religion growing up
to building two multi-million dollar
businesses and becoming one of the top
fitness experts in the world
she’s Lauri harder and here’s my take on
her top ten rules of success
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one find fulfillment you realize along
the way or once you’ve won something or
once you’ve made a lot of money it’s
like if you don’t enjoy the journey that
moment is so fleeting it’s it’s gone in
a second and if you don’t have the inner
mindset of loving yourself of loving who
you are of loving what you do of of
wanting to make an impact of wanting to
help others of wanting to improve
someone else’s life like that it’s
honestly the most empty feeling if you
think that’s the only thing and I
remember I had this moment I had worked
so incredibly hard it had been like six
years of competing some people some
people compete and win right away and
they get these covers and you know
that’s just what I thought would happen
and six years later I’m still like not
winning not getting covers not nobody’s
noticing me and finally actually that
year something shifted for me that the
year that I won like swept everything
and what happened is the year prior to
that I had started training other people
go figure training them for stage really
training them a lot in my studio really
wanting other people to win like making
their wins my win and what happened is
their journey became so much mine and I
became so just immersed in making
someone else’s life better that that
next year it was like I was so fulfilled
and happy and that just radiated I knew
that my purpose wasn’t just the body I
knew that my purpose was so much bigger
than this one thing that all of a sudden
I showed up on stage is a totally
different person literally people were
like who are you what happened and I had
this moment of I I let go of thinking
this was everything and I actually
learned that the journey is about
helping other people it’s about you know
really loving what you do and who you
are but love
the fact that you get to do what you
love
for other people and that just it
flipped it literally flipped on a dime
for me and that that was a moment of wow
it’s never about the titles those things
are amazing don’t get me wrong I love
them I’m not gonna lie but if you don’t
do both if you don’t use them or use
them as a platform for something they’re
gonna be really empty because they’re
just a moment rule number two act as if
so the most important part of getting to
a goal is to start feeling it now is to
start acting as if right if you want to
be that leader if you want to be that
author if you want to be that painter
all it takes is one action and you truly
are in the process of becoming it so
it’s funny that I am literally basically
done with the book and I’m like can I
call myself an author yet I’ve written a
book of course because you have taken
the action you’re doing the actions
there is no final anointing of anyone
there’s no ceremony there’s no fireworks
you just start acting as if and feeling
it and envisioning it and picturing it
and soon enough you become it right so
everybody starts somewhere so whether
you are a famous ballerina or an Olympic
swimmer they all started somewhere they
all had to take that first class they
all had to take that first leap into the
water right and at what point can you
start calling yourself a swimmer a
dancer an author it’s the second that
you start taking action and you start
thinking it and you’re feeling it right
it’s about embodying it so my biggest
tip for you is to start seeing yourself
as that person and start taking the
small actions of being that person that
you want to be that’s the only thing
that is separating you from actually
being it so you have to act as if in
order to really start getting that ball
rolling and all of a sudden you are rule
number three start having tough calm
sessions we’re resistant of having the
tough conversations in our female
relationships and our relationships in
general and life with our parents
whatever it is because we’re so we’re
not used to that spike in emotions
because it feels like it’s this what
it’s this tidal wave coming at end of
the world feeling totally but what
happens is and I just had one of the
toughest conversations in my life with
my mother like two weeks ago and it’s
this spike right it’s like I had to do
the Mel Robbins like five four three two
one no lie like I was like five four
three two one dial or you’re never doing
this I was like wanted to throw up so
it’s a tidal wave but what happens is
the second you start getting it out it’s
literally 30 seconds to a minute
it clears and you’re on the other side
it feels so much better when you’re done
so much better swayed even thirty
seconds in though so it’s just that
first spike of before hand that it’s
like all the resistance is right here
right now you guys if we just if we
would start having these tough
conversations more often your whole life
changes mm-hmm like your entire life
changes and things just start coming to
you because it’s all about understanding
that we are all so different we’re
bringing in a million different things
from our past and we’re bringing it into
this moment right now we don’t even know
it like everything I’m perceiving about
you is because of what I’ve perceived
from my past and it’s not until I
realized how I feel if some things are
blocked with me that you would ever even
know ever even know that you know maybe
maybe tall men scare me sure a lot of
women it does and I’m just being honest
ya know they don’t scare me but I’m just
saying like anything simple like that
that we’re bringing into the moment and
there’s so many things you know layers
that we don’t even realize we’re showing
up as or we’re carrying or carrying with
us that is blocking yeah a connection if
you’re not speaking the idea of having
tough conversations you know this
reflects even in business for all of us
it’s like we’re scared to have these
tough conversations we’re scared to hurt
people we’re scared to say how we feel
because we could really you know what if
we’re not friends anymore we think that
we’re supposed to have these friends and
they’re supposed to be our lifelong
friends and that’s
huge that is a huge different powering
belief as well dudes ain’t gotta hold on
to or something that maybe is 10 20
years outdated either long serves either
of you yes I mean I can’t tell you the
amount of women who are like yeah but
these are the women who I grew up with
and I was in a sorority with him like
you’re never gonna move forward you’re
carrying all of them back here and
you’re evolving and becoming a new
person like every single day if we’re
doing it right we should have someone
say to us you know you’ve changed yeah
oh yeah I’m growing I don’t want to
become a different person and I think
we’re dragging all of these people
behind us and we’re dragging all of
these stories and all of this stuff and
we’re showing up and we’re exhausted and
we’re trying to meet each other and like
oh my god that’s in the women who are
maybe doing the work or who are really
ready to connect if you’re carrying all
that they’re not ready to connect with
all of that either
rule number four find balance so you’ve
got this I really like the titles I
really want to go after it I’m way
intense I want to win I’m all-in getting
in that kind of shape is brutally
difficult but then at the same time you
can balance it with the playfulness and
it’s not all about that how have you
learned to strike that balance and and
maybe more importantly how do you teach
other people to do that mmm I’ve learned
if I don’t learn to strike that balance
that when I go to extreme in either one
I’m not I’m not happy I feel very
scattered I feel frantic I feel crazy so
I think that for me when I start feeling
a little bit chaotic so for me it shows
up in a very like grasping for straws
things aren’t happening like I’m running
into a wall like the feeling of banging
your head against a wall that’s what it
feels like for me and I know a lot of
people can relate to that and I think
especially a lot of people in fitness
might get into it to kind of like maybe
they’re anxious or it calms their nerves
because I think I run really on the
anxious side so for me if I don’t learn
how to control that I’ll go to the
extreme of something so it’s a must for
me I actually think it’s a must for
everyone to kind of find how to dance in
the different categories of your life
because we’re not just one thing and
when we go all in on one thing we’re
are severely neglecting the other parts
of us which makes for an empty human you
know which makes for someone who doesn’t
feel who never feels full so I have to
remember that there’s so many parts of
me that I need to make sure that I’m
fulfilling rule number five up your
energy to start checking in with your
thoughts and how you’re feeling each day
so outside about gratitude practice
which I’m going to kind of talk about as
well this is probably the number one
fastest way that you can start changing
your life and I’m going to tell you
about the ripple effect that happens so
it’s checking in to see where you’re at
what emotion are you feeling in that
moment so if you wake up in the morning
and you’re anything like me I don’t
necessarily wake up in the best Boone at
all so I really need to start figuring
out how to up level my feelings right
because our feelings are the best
indicators of what we’re attracting what
we’re going to attract that day how
we’re gonna feel maybe what’s going to
come into our life who we’re gonna end
up talking to because truly truly I know
that we are all on a we’re all vibrating
at a different frequency so if you are a
really positive excited happy person who
knows that great things are gonna come
your way or who’s always thinking
positive you’re gonna attract that same
type of person and I can see this
through my life as I’ve really started
to uplevel my life and my thoughts in my
business the people that are being drawn
to me so you really do it really is like
attracts like so what we want to do is
we want to get you into that mode right
those people that you’re like wow they
can just walk into a room and you just
feel their energy they’re just vibrating
so high or maybe they’re just always so
happy or they always you you just want
to be around them because you want a
piece of what they have so how do we get
there how do we become one of those
people when you wake up in the morning
maybe if you are at a low point or
you’re thinking about all the things
that you have to do that day what is a
thought or what is something that you
can do to get yourself to the next best
reachable thought so I don’t want you to
think that you have to go from zero to a
hundred in that split second it’s
basically going from zero to five to ten
to twenty to fifty
and working your way up so it’s one
thought at a time so maybe you wake up
and you just say three things that
you’re grateful for every single morning
you let yourself really experience being
grateful for really think about why
you’re grateful and then what you’re
gonna do is as as you mosey down the
stairs to get your cup of coffee you say
three more things you’re grateful for or
I’m so grateful that I have a job today
because of what it allows me to do and
you really start letting that sink in
and you think of something that maybe
you’re excited about something that you
could create something that you love
about yourself it’s this constant up
levelling of your thoughts so it’s
guiding your thoughts right so instead
of just being mindless which what
happens we’re imperfect human beings
right so when we’re mindless and when we
don’t guide our thoughts they’re gonna
go to chaos they’re gonna go to
craziness they’re gonna go to
overwhelmed because life is crazy and
we’re constantly getting sidetracked
we’re constantly getting distracted it’s
literally people’s full-time job on TV
on Instagram on whatever we’re doing to
distract us right they want us to be
their consumer they want us to be
completely distracted they want us to go
to this fast-food place do this thing do
that thing so we need to bring it back
to a mindful place so really that’s what
we’re doing when we up level those
thoughts is how do you bring it back
from crazytown so bring it on back and
then guide it to that next best thought
right because the next best thought is
gonna attract another good thought
attract another good thought and it
attract another good thought rule number
six follow where the life is so I think
that we have some signs in our body I
think that we are so you know I think
we’re spiritual beings in a physical
body and I think that we’re experiencing
in our physical body what we’re meant to
we’re women to be going what we’re doing
you know a lot of us we don’t even
realize how intuitive and connected and
how much we actually know when we’re
supposed to go and what happens is you
know because how many times have you
said I knew I shouldn’t have done that
I had a gut feeling about that and all
of the time and to say to say that we
don’t know and we don’t feel anybody
like my solar plexus tells me more than
I want to know sometimes I’m just like
oh my stomach this isn’t the
relationship for me or maybe this is why
just have another conversation or
totally or something needs to come out
like your body is always trying to tell
you something so for me when it’s
relationships it’s like the energy has
left the building
like if there is just nothing there
anymore I really believe that that is
our sign that that contract with that
person has been fulfilled and it’s time
to move towards the energy like the
energy will always guide you and that’s
always what I’m going for is where am I
feeling most alive yeah
and Who am I feeling the most alive
around now it doesn’t mean I don’t go
and talk to these other people sometimes
because they’re fantastic and I love you
know obviously giving back and doing
different things like that but majority
of your time needs to be spent where the
life is where the energy is and it will
no it has never let me down it has never
done me wrong yeah and it’s always my
sign that maybe that maybe that
particular time in contract is fulfilled
over here rule number seven embrace
vulnerability when I was first building
my business and when I was really
getting into the fitness world I
neglected play and I neglected I’m like
I love being a weirdo I love being a
goofball
I love being funny and I thought that I
had to suppress that side of me in order
to win in order to be successful you
know school was college was frowned upon
and like a really restrictive religion
so for me I think that in order to win
and be successful I thought that I had
to just shut down the goofy I had to be
a certain way I had to just drive so
hard and what happened is the driving
got me somewhere it drive drive drive
drive do it do it and you know the voice
in my head was like it was very like a
hardcore coach which would get me
somewhere but there was no joy along the
way so every time I’d wind up somewhere
I was like well I thought this would be
way better then
actually here and that wasn’t even fun
was it even worth it and now it’s never
enough it’s like never enough and I just
felt so empty as well because this part
of me that I loved I loved that side of
me
I love the silly goofy side it’s like
that’s when I really that feeling of
really liking yourself and feeling alive
that’s when I feel most connected to
people and I that was another moment of
okay
I really think that all of my power
might be in the complete vulnerability
and when I started sharing my story more
of you know I still have anxiety like
literally when I sat in this chair I was
like a whole day I think there’s the
wave again I still have massive anxiety
I’m like a massive weirdo I when I
started sharing those things it was the
people just came flooding in because
they can see you like they can finally
see who you are and they want to know
how you did it and they want to be
around you and they want to learn you
know well how did you get through or how
are you living with that then rule
number eight bill discipline I love
talking about discipline because I think
so many people that word has such a
negative connotation around it right it
just sounds bad discipline like you’re
gonna feel pain or someone’s gonna hurt
you or or you’re in trouble for
something and I want to start having you
think about it in a really positive way
because discipline equals freedom 100%
it has been the theme throughout my
entire life is how if you have
structured discipline in your life and
you start doing the things that you
don’t want to do especially if you do
them first you are absolutely going to
free yourself of all of the different
pain that comes with not getting your
goals accomplished with comes with that
comes with not taking care of yourself
that comes with living with regret so
before way back in my early 20s and even
through my mid-20s when I would you know
I was trying to create habits around
maybe eating right or habits around
working out and
me tell you habits around getting stuff
done I literally in my head told myself
all the time my mantra at the time was I
never finish anything so what do you
think I did I finished
nothing because that’s literally how I
talked to myself well well I never
finished anything this is another thing
I didn’t finish so I had to switch that
mantra around and it was also realizing
how important discipline was and how
much freedom came with it and I spent a
lot of time living in agony in my head
and I was tired all the time because I
spent more of my time in my brain
thinking about what I didn’t do and
arguing with myself all day long so am I
gonna go to the gym I don’t want to go
to the gym you should go to the gym why
aren’t you going to the gym you know you
need to go to the gym you’re never gonna
get to your goals it’s like I was
drained just because of the
conversations I was having with myself
if I would have just gotten disciplined
committed to a time or knew I was going
I could have focused on all of the other
good things that were happening in my
life and just knew this is what I’m
doing it’s like just saying okay well
here’s what I’m doing so I can forget
about it until the moment that it comes
I’m gonna do it because I’m committing
truly committing to discipline and how
freeing that is and when I started
getting a great discipline habit around
all of the things that I wanted to do I
started to notice how much more free I
felt how much less anxiety I felt how
when my head hit the pillow I felt proud
instead of another day just went by that
I’m further away from my goals and I
have regret and I’m feeling my life
raced by me right those are all feeling
that do not feel good that discipline
can free you from rule number nine my
personal favorite get rid of negative
self-talk a lot of times we replay that
mantra of I’m not worthy of that job I
have nothing to offer what makes me
different and we get stuck in that
negative self-talk and we get stuck in
that negative cycle and a lot of us stay
in that cycle because it’s easier to
stay there so this was really
interesting when I thought about when I
got stuck in this negative cycle it was
easier for me to say negative things and
keep myself safe so that I never had to
go outside of my comfort
zone and actually go for those
opportunities that scared the living
daylights out of me so the mantra that I
would say was oh it doesn’t matter I’m
not gonna do that because I’m not gonna
offer anything I’m not gonna bring
anything to the table I would be a
disappointment I would never you know no
one would ever consider me anyway so all
in all if you want to start feeling
worthy you have to start thinking
thoughts that you’re worthy and taking
those risks so you miss a hundred
percent of the shots that you don’t take
love that quote because it is so true we
have to start taking those small risks
so my two top tips that I want you to
grab hold of and use this week are to
change your self-talk around worthiness
and to start taking little risks now I
know this sounds great but it is
challenging to implement because it’s
something completely outside of what
you’re doing already so we want to start
small and you must do this if you want
to move forward this is exactly the
steps that I took so mantras are a great
way to start whenever that comes up
where you start feeling like an
opportunity is coming or maybe you are
thinking that you want to take that step
to get that different job or you’re
thinking about going to the gym but why
go anyway you need to have a mantra that
you can grab on to otherwise your brain
is gonna go to your self-defeating
negative talk because that’s all that’s
in there you didn’t give yourself a new
file to pull from so a great mantra I
like to use is I am a perfect work in
progress and I’m a magnet for all I
desire I am a perfect work in progress
and I am a magnet for all I desire so
when that negative thought comes up you
say no I’m choosing a new way and then
you insert your mantra because that’s
the only way for your brain to start
clinging on to your new mantra and also
ask yourself if you felt worthy what are
some of the small things that you would
do that day that would make you feel
good about you if I already felt worthy
of X Y & Z if I already felt worthy of
that body that I desire if I already
felt worthy of that job that I desire
what is
thing that I would be doing or taking a
risk on today you need to start stepping
outside of your comfort zone a little
bit every day to make yourself proud
when you make yourself proud and when
you make yourself accomplished by going
outside of your comfort zone a little
bit each day that’s how you start to
build up that worthiness muscle and make
yourself feel accomplished so get rid of
that self-talk by using that mantra and
do something a little risky every day
maybe just start by saying hello to a
stranger and talking to them maybe start
by just looking to see what
opportunities are out there because like
I said you miss every opportunity that
you don’t even try to take and rule
number 10 the last one before a very
special bonus clip is turn struggles
into strengths so the unapologetic kid
version of me wanted to be a performer I
would pretty much do anything for the
spotlight and I lived to make people
laugh so you can imagine my excitement
when at 11 years old I got invited to a
pool party with diving boards this was
my opportunity to show off some of my
incredible so I thought acrobatic skills
so the day of the pool party arrives and
I’m climbing the ladder and as I’m
climbing in my brand new swimsuit the
list is going through my head am I gonna
do the splits am I gonna do a front flip
or am I gonna do good old reliable
cannonball you know you did it so my
audience has assembled below it’s five
friends included among them is the boy
who in my daydreams plays my future
so I hear them cheering this is exciting
right I hear them cheering and I tune in
closer and I realized that they’re not
cheering they’re yelling well well well
and just as I’m about to jump in the boy
that I have been crushing on so hard
yells don’t jump there won’t be any
water left in the pool and so I’m
standing on the diving board and I’m
devastated and any thought of doing a
trick vanishes I suddenly feel so
foolish for thinking I was any good at
doing any tricks I felt ashamed of my
body and I jumped into the water as
quickly as I could to hide in to cry and
the second I got under the water I let
out the biggest sob and I can still hear
it in my ears to this day and I I
remember the feeling of the bubbles
rushing past my face as I was crying
under the water because these people
were supposed to be my friends and I
sunk deeper and deeper and I never
wanted to come up again so this was the
first moment that I can remember
allowing someone else’s opinion of me
make me feel ashamed of who I was and
this was the first time that I can
remember looking at the other girls long
thin bodies and comparing them to mine
thinking I must need to look different
to fit in but right before I came up
from the water I also remember thinking
just wait I’m gonna get so fit that they
are never going to make fun of me again
so the single shift in my perception
that singled the hut later turned into a
formula that I started using in order to
reach all of my goals so I want to
introduce this formula to you today and
that formula is resistance plus time
under tension equals strength so first
let me tell you that in the fitness
world resistance training means any
force that you use any external force or
resistance that you use to exercise to
build muscles or to build endurance or
to build physical strength and time
under tension is the amount of time that
your muscles stay under resistance so
both of these concepts are used in order
to gain physical strength gain muscles
gain endurance but today I want to show
you how this these concepts literally
run parallel to getting stronger
internally so I like to explain it using
these four points so number one the
heavier the resistance the stronger the
muscle you can build so just like in
life the bigger the challenge the bigger
the opportunity right number two you
must keep that muscle under tension
until failure or close to it so what
this does is it tears the muscle fibers
down and it allows them to repair
themselves and they come back stronger
after failure so just like in life when
we decide to come back from failure what
happens we come back just a little bit
stronger right just a little bit wiser
so number three you have to be
consistent because if you don’t use it
you lose it we all know that so just
like in life every single day is
offering us resistance we probably had
some this morning right getting here
maybe in traffic so and what does that
provide the opportunity to be a little
more patient to be a little more loving
right to be a little more brave maybe be
a little more assertive and meet your
neighbors tonight so number four as you
get stronger you must take on more
challenging forms of resistance I know
that’s a tough one and just like in life
if we don’t keep seek
uncomfortable situations we’re not going
to grow because the only place we grow
now I’ve got a really special Laurie
harder bonus clip around finding your
inner voice that I think you’re really
gonna enjoy but before that question of
the day I want to know which of Laurie’s
messages resonated more with you get rid
of negative self-talk or build
discipline let me know in the comments
below thank you guys so much for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much loved
I’ll see you soon and enjoy the bonus
I look back at my journey and I never
knew what I was doing to be honest with
you ever I mean it’s still to this day
I’m like still trying to figure out what
that next thing is in kind of listening
to that voice and to be honest with you
it’s always been this innate ability to
to know that something is speaking to me
and I think we all have it
I just really go to what is feeling most
aligned or like what gives you the most
life what gives you the most vitality
what gives you the most energy so for me
that’s kind of what I followed it was
like when in the beginning it was when
do I not feel bad like how can I just
feel a little bit better than this and
that’s what has always brought me back
to moving is moving has always brought
me clarity it’s always helped me know
what that voice is saying even in my
marriage now Chris and I will constantly
if there’s something coming up if
there’s something we can’t work through
if there’s something in our business we
say let’s take it on a walk because
that’s when we can kind of slow down
listen to that voice what’s next so I
think there’s always that thing that we
know can come through and we either
choose to drown it out or we can do the
things that we know kind of make it
louder if you tell yourself a story long
enough you start to believe it don’t you
believe it you act like it I have Tulsa
what a wail out of handcuffed lightning
though Thunder in jail now you know I’m
bad over the last week I’ve murdered a
rock into the stone hospitalized a brick
I’m so mean I make medicine sick the
fundamental key to success is it can
take between eighteen and two hundred
and fifty-four days of taking action for
a new habit to stick I’ve created a new
course called 250 for confidence or
every single day for 250 four days I
will be sending you a video between 30
seconds and 5 minutes long that you
start your morning with around making
you feel confident it’s absolutely free
check out the link in the description below to get access
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