hello believe nation
I made the mentor me series to try to
hang around people who’ve done a lot
more than us and by spending a little
bit more time with them hopefully some
of their their beliefs our mindset their
attitude their habits seep into us to
help us become the best version of
ourselves so today we’re going to learn
from simon Sinek on motivation mentor me
Simon
[Music]
you
outside in the world is danger at all
times for various reasons in caveman
times that danger may have been you know
a saber-toothed tiger it may have been
the weather it may have been a lack of
resources it may have been who knows any
number of things things that with no
conscience are trying to kill you they
want to end your life and so how do we
survive we work together and together we
come together in our groups in our
companies and our tribes to feel like we
belong to be around people who believe
we believe so that we may feel safe when
we’re surrounded by people who have our
best interests in mind and we feel safe
we will organize ourselves and cooperate
to face the dangers externally
don’t forget the outside dangers are a
constant in a modern world the outside
dangers may be your competition that’s
trying to put you out of business or at
least steal your business it might be
the herbs and flows of the economy it
might be terrorism all of these unknowns
all trying to put you out of business
take away your job take away your
livelihood end it for you nothing
personal it’s a constant inside our
organizations the dangers we face are
not a constant they are a variable and
they are the decisions of leadership as
to how safe they make us feel when we go
to work this is the job of leaders ASA
said it better than I can there’s an
Aesop fable about four oxen that stand
tailed to tail whenever the lion tries
to eat them no matter what angle from
which he attacks he will always be met
with horns
however due to infighting and
disagreements they separate and they go
and graze in different parts of the
field and one by one the lion picks them
off and kills them all when we stand
together we can more easily face the
dangers outside when we break up inside
our companies if our leaders don’t allow
us a space to feel safe inside our own
companies to feel like we belong then we
have to we’re forced to exert our own
energy to protect ourselves from each
other and by the way expose ourselves to
greater danger from the outside if you
have to worry about politics if you have
to worry about someone
your credit if you have to worry about
your bus not having your back think
about the energy you invest not in your
business not in the products you’re
trying to develop not in your work not
in how great you’re producing not in
your creativity but in just keeping
yourself feeling safe this is
destructive the responsibility of
leadership is two things one to
determine who gets in and who doesn’t
get in this is what it means to start
with why what are our values what are
our beliefs who can we allow in second
thing is to decide how big this is how
big do we make the circle of safety how
big do we make the circle of belonging
do we keep it around just our c-level
executives and call it an inner circle
and allow others to try and fend for
themselves and maybe if we try and get
into our inner circle or do we extend it
to the outermost edges of the
organization great leaders extend the
circle of safety the circle of belonging
out to the outermost edges so the most
junior person feels like they belong
feels safe I did a little experiment
with them with a homeless person not
like on them it’s not like electrodes
with them voluntarily help me because
the whole idea of giving right give it
you’ve all walk down the street and
you’ve all seen someone begging and you
either have or haven’t thrown a few
pennies in their cup when you do you
feel good you bought that feeling that
is a legitimate commercial transaction
you know commercial transactions are
defined as the exchange of consideration
there was an exchange of consideration
here you gave money you got the feeling
of goodwill you paid for that feeling if
you didn’t give money you either feel
nothing or you feel bad you can’t feel
good by not giving all right you paid
for that feeling so now the question is
how is that person encouraging us to
give the joke is they act like every
corporation in the world they talk about
themselves
Mee Mee Mee Mee Mee Mee Mee right like
they sit there with their little outdoor
advertising little sign right
and it says I’m homeless I’m hungry I
got 12 kids I’m a veteran
god bless they got it all in they’re
trying to appeal to somebody the
religious vote the veteran vote you know
the child sympathizer surround yourself
with lots of pets go for that one too
right all in an attempt to get something
from someone takers not givers right all
about me well what what corporations do
we’ve added more RAM we’ve added more
rom we’ve added more speed this one’s
number one we’re the biggest we’re the
best we’ve been around since 1969 we’re
better than them we’re faster than them
we’re more efficient than that one me me
me me me me me me me me and so even if
we buy their product guess what yeah I’m
gonna feel much so I did this little
experiment I found a nice homeless lady
on the streets of New York who’s willing
to help out and I learned that with her
sign which was pretty typical I’m
homeless I’m hungry remember but she
makes between 20 and 30 dollars a day
for you know for a day’s worth of work 8
to 10 hours of sitting there selling
goodwill 8 to 10 hours she’ll make 20 to
$30 $30 was considered a good day I
changed her sign and the new sign made
her $40 in two hours and then she left
it’s one of the reasons she’s homeless
is because she’s decided that she only
needs 20 to 30 dollars a day to live if
she stayed she would have made $150 the
point is she made 40 bucks in two hours
where the signs say the sign said if you
only give once a month please think of
me next time it has nothing to do with
the taker it has everything to do with
the giver and what are the objections
people give when they don’t give I can’t
give to everyone how do I know that they
really need it and so I address both
those concerns I know you can’t get to
everyone so if you only give once a
month my cause is legitimate I will
still be here when you’re ready to give
40 bucks two hours make it about them
not about you the fact of the matter is
100 percent of customers are people and
100 percent of clients are people and
100 percent of employees are people I
don’t care how good your product is I
don’t care how good your marketing is I
don’t care how good your design is if
you don’t understand people you don’t
understand business we are social
animals we are human beings and our
survival depends on our ability to form
trusting relationships do you ever watch
Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel
I’m slipping through channels one night
and Deadliest Catch came on and on this
episode just random they were in a huge
storm now for those of you who don’t
know Deadliest Catch they take these
crab fishing boats out in the Bering Sea
which is like terrible and they put
cameras on them and we watch right the
reason that’s I guess significant is
because these crab fishermen have I
think one of the top 5 deadliest jobs in
the world you know I don’t know what the
exact number is but dozens of fishermen
die every year doing doing this we
apparently find that entertaining but it
actually is so they have cameras only on
five or six of the ships even though
there are many many many ships that go
out fishing every season and they don’t
really come into proximity with each
other because you know the oceans huge
and
usually sabotage each other and give
each other false information because
they’re all competitors they’re all
looking to get the crabs and you know
make sure that they find them somebody
else doesn’t and yeah it’s business
right it’s just business it’s okay we
all do the same thing in our own
companies and in this one episode this
big huge storm was so violent that they
had to bring all the pots which are the
big cages that they catch the crabs and
they to bring all the pots back on the
boat and wait out the storm
and just by dumb luck one of the boats
that had cameras on it was in proximity
of a boat that didn’t have cameras on it
and so they filmed they had secured all
their pots on the deck and so they
started filming the other boat and they
filmed a guy climbing on the outside of
the cage securing the pots and all of a
sudden a huge wave hits the side of the
boat and the guys not there anymore and
the people on the boat with the camera
starts screaming Man Overboard Man
Overboard Man Overboard and they turned
their boat towards where they think he
might be he’s a stranger they don’t know
him they don’t know the the crew members
of the other boat and yet they react and
they turned towards him and they find
him in the drink and for those of you
don’t understand how dangerous this is
if the water is so cold that if you’re
in the water for I think that it’s a
minute or a minute thirty hypothermia
will set in and you die and they come
upon him and he’s screaming don’t let me
die don’t let me die and they pull him
on board not out of the woods yet they
strip off his clothes because it’s wet
and cold and they wrapped blankets
around him to prevent hyperthermia from
setting in and he survives and it’s
overwhelming and the captain comes down
and this is all on me you can go watch
it on TV
the camera comes the captain comes down
and he hugs this stranger this young man
his competitor he hugs this guy’s if
he’s his own son I I lost it everybody
is crying and you realize what happened
here was a human interaction
and the reason they risk their own lives
to help this other person even though
they spend every other day trying to get
ahead and sabotage is because at the end
of the day they’re all crab fishermen
and they know something about each other
and they know something about the risk
that they all take to do this and when
push comes to shove they will put
themselves out there to help each other
for no other reason than they get it
they’re one of the same I will promise
you that every single member of that
crew that day went home with a feeling
of fulfillment I promise you that every
single person on that crew that day felt
more good in their hearts and in their
jobs than the richest days they’ve ever
pulled in my question is is what are you
doing to help the person next to you
don’t you want to wake up and go to work
for the only reason that you can do
something good for someone else when you
want them to do that for you I was
staying at the Four Seasons in Las Vegas
which is a wonderful hotel and the
service there is really great the reason
it’s such a great hotel is because of
the people who work there and I had an
experience with a young man by the name
of Noah and Noah’s a barista
in the coffee shop that they have just
there in the lobby and I was buying a
cup of coffee and Noah was charming and
funny and engaging and I think I gave a
hundred percent tip I think my five
dollar coffee I think I gave a five
dollar tip I mean this guy was great I
mean I love talking to him he was a joy
and I asked him do you like your job he
said to me I love my job without
skipping a beat mom and I asked what is
it that the four seasons is doing that
you love your job so much he says with
again without skipping a beat he says
throughout the day managers will walk
past and ask how I’m doing if there’s
anything that I need he said not just my
manager any manager Wow
he says I feel supported here he says
quote I can be myself right then magic
and then he says to me I also work at
Caesar’s Palace
and they’re the managers go around to
make sure that we’re doing everything
right and catch us if we do something
wrong he says when I go to work at
Caesar’s Palace I keep my head just
under the radar because I don’t want to
get in trouble he said I just want to
get through the day and make a paycheck
right same person right the experience
that I have it the four seasons will be
diametrically opposite to the experience
that I have at Caesar’s Palace
not because of Noah but because of
Noah’s leadership right and the joke is
if I were to go talk to the managers
over at Caesars Palace and say you know
it’s you they’ll say but you don’t
understand we cannot get good work out
of our peoples look look no matter how
hard we try and how hard we push them
they just don’t so we either have to
replace them a push them harder no we
respond to the environments we’re in get
the environment right you get the right
behavior get the environment wrong you
get the wrong behavior if that is what
is happening it is because of leadership
not because of the people yeah there was
a really famous cartoon back in the 80s
the beatings will continue until the
morale improves yeah yeah I always
thought that was hilarious because it’s
so terrifyingly accurate and and
astonishingly you look I’m embarrassed
that I have a career you know I talk
about things like trust and cooperation
why is there demand for my work you know
but the fact that there is I’ll take it
as an opportunity but what’s really sort
of abominable is that this is not a new
idea like there are books galore and
speeches galore and articles galore
about what leadership is you know we all
kind of say the same thing from a
different angles you can pick your
flavor whichever message resonates most
with you and yet people don’t do it
what’s the hang-up and so I get this
question a lot which is what do you know
what are the most important
characteristics about being a leader
vision charisma you know
I know some spectacular leaders who
don’t have big Steve Jobs Ian’s visions
they’re just not visionary you know and
I know some spectacular leaders who
really don’t have a lot of charisma they
kind of just shuffle around and you’re
like that’s the guy yeah that’s the guy
right and they’re spectacular and people
will give blood sweat and tears for
these people the one thing I am
comfortable saying that all effective
leaders must have is courage because it
is hard it is hard to stand up against
outside pressure it is hard to stand up
to an external constituency who’s
pushing you to do something for their
short-term gain to do the right thing
for your people it is hard it is
thankless it is lonely it’s sometimes
sometimes you get fired sometimes you
get in trouble sometimes you’ll lose
your job and the next guy will get all
the credit it’s all true and the courage
to do the right thing in the face of
overwhelming pressure only the best
leaders have that courage only the best
leaders and here’s the folly courage is
not some deep internal fortitude you
don’t dig down deep and find the courage
right it just doesn’t exist
courage is external our courage comes
from the support we feel from others in
other words when someone when you feel
that someone has your back when you you
know that the day that you admit you
can’t do it someone will be there and
say I got you you can do this that’s
what gives you the courage to do the
difficult thing it’s not going off to an
ashram by yourself somewhere for four
weeks and coming back and finding the
car it’s not what happens it’s the
relationships that we foster it’s the
people around us who love us and care
about us and believe in us and when we
have those relationships we will find
the courage to do the right thing and
when you act with courage that in turn
will inspire those in your organization
to also act with courage in other words
it’s still an external thing that’s what
inspiration is right I’m inspired to
follow your example
but those relationships that we foster
over the course of a lifetime
will not only make us into the leaders
we need to be in hope we can be but
they’ll often save your life they’ll
save you from depression they’ll save
you from giving up they’ll save you from
any matter of you know negative feelings
about your own capabilities your own
future when someone just says I love you
and I will follow you no matter what I
talked to so many smart fantastic
ambitious idealistic hard-working kids
and they’re right out of college their
their entry-level jobs and I’ll ask them
how is it going and they’ll say I think
I’m gonna quit and I’m like why they say
to me I’m not making an impact I’m like
you know you’ve been here eight months
right they treat the sense of
fulfillment or even love like it’s a
scavenger hunt like it’s something you
look for my millennial friends they’ve
gone through so many jobs they’re either
getting fired I mean it was mutual or
they’re quitting because they’re not
making an impact or they’re not finding
the thing they’re looking for they’re
not feeling fulfilled as if it’s a
scavenger hunt love a job you find joy
from is not something you discover it’s
not like I found love here it is I found
a job I love that’s not how it works
both of those things require hard work
you are in love because you work very
hard every single day of your life to
stay in love you find a job that brings
you ultimate joy because you work hard
every single day to serve those around
you and you maintain that joy it’s not a
discovery but the problem is this sense
of impatience it’s as if an entire
generation is standing at the foot of a
mountain they know exactly what they
want they can see the summit what they
can’t see is the mountain this large a
movable object that doesn’t mean you
have to do your time that’s not what I’m
talking about take a helicopter climb I
don’t care but there’s still a mountain
life career fulfillment relationships
our journeys the problem is this entire
generation has an institutional
sense of impatience and do they have the
patience to go on the journey to
maintain love to feel fulfilled or do
they just quit and on to the next dump
and on to the next ghost and on to the
next
and by the way ghosting means the lack
of skill to have a confrontation you
date somebody for six months eight
months and then just stop replying just
delete them from everything now for the
person who’s doing the ghosting oh
that’s certainly easier than a
confrontation but the person on the
receiving end of the ghosting it’s like
there’s a death there’s suddenly shun
there’s panic they call out their
warning they call out their word they
think it’s you they think it’s them do
you have any idea the destruction that
we reap on people by ghosting them and
then because there’s the lack of social
skills to call out and ask for help they
internalize and it makes them feel awful
to the point at the worst they will kill
themselves slightly one level down
they’ll get depressed but the lowest
level that we can hope for is they will
go through life and I’m not talking
about ghosting I’m talking an entire
generation that if we don’t fix this
we’ll go through life where everything’s
just fine my friendships are fine my
work is fine you know same old same old
nothing’s ever amazing and the scavenger
hunt continues we’re taking a generation
that is lower self-esteem we’re taking a
generation that has a lack of cocka
cocka mechanisms to deal with stress
we’re dealing with a generation that
wants all those things fixed immediately
and we’re placing them in work
environments that values money more than
people do you know that most of the
business philosophies most of the
business theories that we embrace and
see a standard today are not standard
there are theories left over from the
80s and 90s the concept of shareholder
supremacy was a theory proposed in the
late 1970s it was popularized in the 80s
and 90s the concept of using mass
layoffs to balance the books did not
exist in the United States prior to the
1980s it did not exist it became popular
in the 80s
and 90s the 80s and 90s were boom years
anyone could make money relative peace a
kinder gentler cold war and so all of
the business theories that were put
forth were very very selfish and all
about enriching ourselves and they
worked for those times but these times
are different these are not peaceful
times these are not boom years this is
there’s globalization on the internet
which has now made everything vastly
more complicated and those theories do
not work anymore worse they’re having
side effects it’s really bad because
what we do is we destroy corporate
cultures the idea of using mass layoffs
can you imagine sending someone home and
saying I’m sorry I can no longer provide
for our family because the company
missed its arbitrary projections this
year that’s what we’re doing that’s like
a coach prioritizing the needs of the
fans over the needs of the players
hoping to build a great team it doesn’t
work we dismantled things like the
glass-steagall Act glass-steagall was
passed after the Great Depression to
prevent another Great Depression from
happening it was dismantled in the 80s
and the 90s in the name of profit okay
do you know how many stock market
crashes we had between the Great
Depression and the dismantling of
glass-steagall
the answer is zero and since they
dismantled glass-steagall we had 87 the
dot-com crash 2008 we’ve had three stock
market crashes because we’ve moved the
safety mechanisms that prevents stock
market crashes from happening all in the
name of individual advancement and
profit and these are the corporate
cultures we’ve built corporate cultures
that value numbers over people and they
are not standard business practices they
are new and they are broken and they are
dangerous and we’re asking a young
wonderful ambitious amazing generation
that needs us to work in these in
whether we like it or not we have to
take responsibility for that bad hand
that you’ve been dealt it is up to the
companies to create an environment in
which you can build your self-confidence
it is up to the companies to create an
environment in which you can learn
coping mechanisms and learn how to build
strong close relationships with people
with whom you work that you will
eventually love and sacrifice to see
that they gain it is in these
environments that we will learn the
patience and the hard work that it takes
to find fulfilment in our lives to find
a sense of purpose a sense of joy yes
it’s all fine and good that my
generation and older generations say to
you things like well you’re the future
leaders
we’re the leaders now we’re the ones in
control of the corporate environments
now and we’re making your lives worse I
don’t want you to jump from job to job
to job to job you will never find what
you’re looking for it’s not a scavenger
hunt I don’t want you to go from
relationship to relationship to
relationship what I want you to do is
stand up and demand that the places in
which you work lead you properly nobody
wants to wake up in the morning and be
managed we want to wake up in the
morning and be led and we have a total
leadership crisis in America politics is
just the mirror reflection we get the
politicians we deserve we’re the divided
ones we’re the selfish ones we’re the
broken ones
we’re the ones who would sooner
sacrifice somebody else so that we may
gain it’s us and until we’re willing to
do the hard work of repairing the world
around us our country our politics our
businesses will not fix so there’s a
wonderful story
please listening has the problem when
people say you need to be a better
listener as we are human beings and we
need to communicate then communication
is two ways listening and speaking so
the but everybody’s like you got to be a
better listener like but here’s the best
understanding I have it so Nelson
Mandela is universally regarded as a
great leader which is important because
you know different people are viewed
differently in different nations but
Nelson Mandela univer
we regarded as a great leader right he
was actually the son of a tribal chief
and he was asked in an interview once
how did you learn to be a great leader
and he tells the story of how he would
go to tribal meetings with his father
and he remembers two things they always
sat in a circle and his father was
always the last to speak hmm and in
terms of leadership and listening I
think the idea of be a better listener
is actually half the advice I think the
advice is practice being the last to
speak you see this all the time in
meetings where everybody will sit around
a room the senior guy would be like
right here’s the problem here’s what I
think we should do but I’m really
interested in what your thoughts are yes
let’s go around the room it’s too late
you’ve influenced you’ve created your
frequent and people ended people Bend
and mold as opposed to saying here’s a
problem I’m interested what you have to
say without saying anything and not even
at having this and here’s this takes
practice not even even giving a hint
whether you agree or disagree if
anything you ask questions to learn more
you get the benefit of hearing
everybody’s opinion everybody gets to
feel heard and then you get to render so
I would dopamine is the feeling that you
found something you’re looking for or do
you accomplish something you set out to
accomplish so you know that feeling you
get when you cross something off your
to-do list
that’s dopamine feels awesome you know
when you when you have a goal to hit and
you achieve that goal you’re like yes
you feel like you’ve won something right
that’s dopamine the whole purpose of
dopamine is to make sure that we get
stuff done right the historical reason
for dopamine we would never eat if we
only waited to get until we got hungry
because there’s no guarantee that we
would find food so dopamine exists to
help us go looking for food we get
dopamine when we eat which is one of the
reasons we like eating and so when you
see something that reminds you of
something that feels good we want to do
the behavior that helps us get that
feeling right so let’s say you’re out
there going for a walk and you see an
apple tree in the distance you get a
small hit of dopamine and then what it
does is it focuses us on our goals and
now we start walking towards the apple
tree and as the apple tree starts to get
a little bigger we feel like we’re
making progress you get another little
shot of dopamine and another little
shadow dopamine until you get to the
Train you’re like yes okay this is why
we’re told you must write down your
goals your goals must be tangible
there’s a there’s a biological reason
for that we we’re very
visually oriented animals you have to be
able to see the goal for it to
biologically stay focused right if you
don’t write down your goals if you can’t
see your goals it’s very hard to get
motivated to get inspired for example
think about corporate visions right a
corporate vision is have to be something
we can see right that’s why it’s called
a vision you can see it right to be the
biggest most respected to be the
fastest-growing are not visions they’re
nothing right what does that even look
like respected by whom your mother
yourself your friends your shareholders
who knows what’s the metric dunno it’s
Amorphis doesn’t motivate us just like I
can’t tell you you will get a bonus if
you achieve more you’re gonna ask me how
much more I’m gonna say more doesn’t
work you need a tangible goal you need a
tangible goal right here’s a great
vision Martin Luther King I have a dream
that one day little black children the
little white children will play on the
playground together and hold hands
together we can imagine that we can set
our sights on that and every time we
achieve a goal and achieve a metric and
achieve a milestone that makes us feel
like we’re making progress to the vision
we can see we keep going and going and
going until we achieve something
remarkable you have to be able to see it
dopamine
like I said dopamine is the feeling you
get when you set out to find something
you’re looking for as well talked about
the to-do list I came home from a trip
just a couple days ago and I had a bunch
of errands to run and I wrote down a
little list of things I had to do and
off I went right and as I was walking
past I think was a drycleaners I
remember I was walking past something I
remembered oh I have to do that and I
hadn’t written it down on my I hadn’t
written down on my to-do list so I went
in and I finished what I needed to do
and then when I came out I then wrote it
on my to-do list and then crossed it out
because I wanted the dopamine feels good
dopamine comes with a warning dopamine
is highly highly highly addictive here
are some other things that release
dopamine alcohol nicotine gambling your
cell phone
oh you think I’m joking okay we’ve all
been told that you know if you wake up
in the morning and you crave a drink you
might be an alcoholic well if you wake
up in the morning the first thing you do
is check your phone before you even get
out of bed might be an addict
if you walk from room to room in your
own apartment holding your telephone you
might be an addict when you’re driving
in your car and you get a text and your
phone goes beep we we hate email true we
love the beep the buzz the ding oh right
you’ll be there in 10 minutes and yet
you have to look at it right now you
might be an addict and even if you read
it and it says are you free for dinner
next Thursday and you have to reply
immediately you can’t wait the 10
minutes you might be an addict and for
all you Gen Y is out there who like to
think that you’re better at multitasking
beause you grew up with the technology
then why do you keep crashing your cars
when you’re texting
you’re not you’re not better at
multitasking you’re better getting
distracted in fact if you look at the
statistics ad D and ADHD have diagnosis
of AD D and ADHD have risen 66% in the
past 10 years okay
ad D and ADHD is a frontal lobe disorder
right are you telling me out of nowhere
66% of our youth has the frontal lobe
problem where did that come from no it’s
a misdiagnosis right what what are the
what are the symptoms of a dopamine
addiction to technology distractibility
inability to it to get things done
easily easily distracted you know
shortness of attention it’s all the same
things so we misdiagnosed things it’s
this it’s the addictive quality of
dopamine we can also get addicted to
performance in our companies when all
they do is give us numbers to hit
numbers to hit numbers to hit and a
bonus you get and a bonus you get and a
bonus you get all they’re doing is
feeding us with dopamine and we can’t
help ourselves all we do is want more
more MORE it’s no surprise that the
bank’s destroyed the economy because one
of the things we know about dopamine
addict is they will do anything to get
another hit sometimes at the sacrifice
of their own resources and their
relationships ask any alcoholic gambling
addict or drug addict ask them how their
relationships are doing and if they’ve
squandered any of their resources it’s
an addiction dopamine is dangerous if it
is unbalanced it is hugely helpful when
in a comfortable and balanced system but
when unbalanced it’s dangerous and it’s
destructive the metrics are fine they’re
just not in the short-term and they’re
just not fixed entire they so for
example do you love your wife yes right
prove it
like what’s the metric give me the
number that helps me know right because
when you met her you didn’t love her
right
now you love her right tell me the day
the love happened it’s an impossible
question right but it’s not that it
doesn’t exist it’s that it’s much easier
to prove overtime right so all
leadership is the same thing it’s about
transitions so if you were to if you
were to go to the gym right sit like
exercise right if you go to the gym and
you work out and you come back and you
look in the mirror you will see nothing
and if you go to the gym the next day
and you
back and you look in the mirror you will
see nothing right so clearly there’s no
results can’t be measured
it must not be effective so we quit
right or if you fundamentally believe
that this is the right course of action
and you stick with it like in a
relationship I bought her flowers and I
wished her happy birthday and she
doesn’t love me clearly I’ll give up you
know that’s not what happens if you if
you believe there’s something there you
commit yourself to act an act of service
you could meet yourself to the regime
the exercise you can screw it up you can
eat chocolate cake one day you can skip
a skip a day or two you know you lose
for that but if you stick with it
consistently I’m not exactly sure what
day but I know you’ll start getting into
shape I know it and the same with the
relationship it’s not about the events
it’s not about intensity it’s about
consistency right you go to the dentist
twice a year your teeth will fall out
you have to brush your teeth every day
for two minutes
what is brushing your day twice a day
for two minutes do nothing unless you do
it every day twice a day for two minutes
right it’s the consistency going to the
gym for nine hours does not get you into
shape working out every day for 20
minutes gets you into shape so the
problem is we treat leadership with
intensity we have a two-day off-site we
would invite a bunch of speakers we give
everybody certificate you’re a leader
right those things are like going to the
dentist they’re very important that good
for reminding us or getting us back on
track learning new lessons but it’s the
daily practice of all the monotonous
little boring things like brushing your
teeth that matter the most she didn’t
fall in love with you because you
remembered her birthday and bought her
flowers and Valentine’s Day she fell in
love with you because when you woke up
in the morning you said good morning to
her before you checked your phone she
fell in love with you because when you
went to the fridge to get yourself a
drink you got her one without even
asking she fell in love with you because
when you had an amazing day at work and
she came home and she had a terrible day
at work you didn’t say yeah yeah yeah
but let me tell you about my day you sat
and listened to her awful day and you
didn’t say a thing about your amazing
day this is why she fell in love with
you I can’t tell you exactly what day
and it was no specular thing you did it
was
accumulation of all of those little
things that she woke up one days and is
as if she pressed a button she goes I
love him right
leadership is exactly the same there’s
no event there’s no thing I can tell you
you have to do that your people will
trust you it just doesn’t work that way
it’s then it’s an accumulation of lots
and lots of little things that anyone by
themselves is innocuous and useless
literally pointless by themselves people
will look at little things that are good
leadership practice and say that won’t
work and you’re absolutely right
but if you do it consistently and you do
it in combination with lots of other
little things mmm like saying good
morning to someone that looking in the
eye my friend George who’s a three-star
general in the Marine Corps
he says his test for leadership and I
love this he goes his test for the good
leaders if you ask somebody how their
day is going you actually care about the
answer and the number of times were
walking to a meeting we’re rushing we go
how are you not good I gotta get to you
later I got him late for a meeting
if you ask the question you were
standing there and you’re listening to
the answer it’s those little innocuous
things that you do over and over and
over and over that people will say I
love my job not I like my job
I like my job means yeah the challenge
is great they pay me well I like the
people I love my job means I don’t want
to work anywhere else I don’t care how
much somebody else will is willing to
pay me I’m devoted to the people here
and I care desperately about the people
here as if they were my family in
business we have colleagues and
co-workers in the military they have
brothers and sisters that’s how they
think of each other right if you really
have a strong corporate culture the
people will think of each other like
brothers and sisters don’t really look
like a family right no brothers and
sisters deep love fight but the love
doesn’t go away right bicker the love
doesn’t go away and I’ll fight with my
sister but if you threaten my sister
you’re gonna have to deal with me right
right we’ll fight internally we’ll
bicker with each other but nobody’s
going to hurt each other and if anything
from the outside shows up you got you’re
looking at a unified front brothers and
sisters now how do you create brothers
and sisters out of strangers
common beliefs common values you know
parents in other words executives who
care about their children’s success who
care to raise their children teach them
skills discipline them when necessary
help them build their self-confidence so
that they couldn’t go on and achieve
something more than you could have ever
imagined achieving for yourself that’s
leadership an absolute love and devotion
for the people who’ve committed their
lives to this enterprise a goal of
putting something out there if you say
what you believe and you do what you
believe you will attract people who
believe what you believe if you go to
one of your friends and you say to one
of your friends how would you like me to
dress so that you’ll like me better how
would you want me to address you how do
you want me to speak so that you’ll like
me more right your friends are gonna
look at you be like what are you talking
about come on come on come on what
should I wear so that you’ll find me
more appealing and how would you like me
to speak to you so that you’ll like me
more and your friends are gonna tell you
just be yourself that’s why I like you I
don’t just be yourself now think about
what we do in industry what do we do we
do market research and we go and we ask
the customers what kind of things the
way what style should we speak to you
how should we decorate ourselves what
kind of things are you drawn to so that
we can do those things do you like us
more it’s just as ridiculous it’s just
as ridiculous organizations should say
and do the things they actually believe
and they will attract people who believe
what they believe or they can choose to
lie and at the slightest hint that they
might be lying cynicism sets in and
people start saying I’m not sure I can
trust these guys because there’s not a
lot of consistency and all the things
they say and do which means they can’t
have a very strong belief set or they’re
lying to me and we call them in
authentic the entire process of asking
other people who we should be is
inauthentic that’s hilarious to me all
these positioning studies we do are
inherent
we’re going to do a study to find out
from people so we can be more authentic
that’s hilarious
say and do what you actually believe in
the symbols you put out there the things
you say and the things you do those red
hats are ways
people can find you what you have the
ability to do as designers is create
those symbols and allow people to use
those things to say something about who
they are work for companies work for
clients work for people who you believe
what they believe show up and feel a
part of something bigger than yourself
and your part is to put what they
believe into pictures and words and
symbols and graphics so that other
people can use those things to say
something about who they are people put
harley-davidson logos on their body to
say something about who they are
corporate logo ain’t no Procter &
Gamble’s tattooed on anybody’s on
because Harley means something they
stand for something people put that
tattoo on there not to tell you that
they own a motorcycle
they put that tattoo there to tell you
something about themselves you ever see
anybody with a with a Mac laptop put a
sticker over that beautiful shining
Apple ain’t never gonna happen then how
will you know who I am do you ever see
anybody with a PC break out the Windex
to clean out their computer Mac people
have you ever seen a dirty Mac doesn’t
exist does not exist why because it’s
Who I am
these are symbols we use the companies
that are crystal clear and what they
believe and their discipline and how
they do it they’re consistent what they
do and everything they say and
everything they do serves as a symbol of
the set of values and beliefs we use
those symbols to say something about who
we are we surround ourselves with the
people and the products and the brands
that say something about who we are and
when we can find the people who believe
what we believe
we’re weirdly drawn to them because our
very survival depends on it we need it
and so the more you can give of yourself
the more you can give of what you
believe the more you can discipline with
discipline saying boo and do the things
you actually believe strange things
start to happen what you’ll find is that
that the better you are communicating
your why people will want to work for
you
regardless of the opportunity that you
afford them like they want to be a part
of it yeah we do a little thing which
we’ve been doing for years and years and
years called give and take whenever
there’s any kind of relationship whether
it’s a outside partnership or even
somebody who joins our team we do
something called a give-and-take where
we want somebody to be selfish and
selfless within the relationship so not
give and get but give and take so we’ll
ask them what is it that you have to
give to us that you have that you think
that we need right and they’ll tell us
and then we’ll say great what is it that
you selfishly want from us and we want
them to tell us what they can get from
us and not so much when those when those
things match you have a balanced
relationship because what so example
I’ve had it with people will you know
they’ll tell me what they what they have
to offer and that’s awesome because
that’s what I want and then they’ll say
what they have what they want to take
and they go oh I want to work with the
smart people I’m like plenty of smart
people what is it you want to take from
me they’re like I want to help build
something wonderful do that anywhere
what do you want to take selfishly from
me they can get nowhere else and if they
kind of to the question I won’t engage
in a relationship and the reason is
because in time the relationship is
unbalanced they’re gonna be giving but
they’re not taking and I don’t even know
how to give them what they want then
they’ll complain that I’m making enough
money or that because it’s not balanced
that’s right you speak to businesses and
companies and leadership teams and
employees and stuff without mentioning
names I don’t want to put you on the
spot but have you gone and talked to a
company that’s been in trouble and then
spoken to their team and then checked in
on them after you’ve spoken to their
leadership team and what did that look
like did you notice a noticeable change
did they come to you and tell you that
this has helped our organization out and
our culture is much improved because of
it you mean does my work
[Music]
I mean sure here’s the problem with my
stuff you got to do it and I am NOT I’m
not anybody’s like you know mom or dad
I’m not going to do it for you
and I have a very less fair approach of
it I once had a one side explant this is
a bunch of years ago that said what
guarantee do I have that your stuff will
work which my answer was none like I I’m
giving you a tool you can it’s like a
hammer you can use it broadly or
narrowly you can build a table you can
build a house it’s the same tool you can
use it for marketing your music
completely revitalize your entire
culture and even though I’m going to
sell you the most beautiful hammer I’m
not going to guarantee the structural
integrity of the house right it’s your
business you want to ignore all my stuff
ignore it I don’t care it’s your and if
your business collapses you know what
happens to me nothing like I don’t mean
to be cold about it like of course I
want the people I work with to do well
but it’s not mine it’s theirs and I take
no emotional responsibility but the
decisions they make so yes there are
many people that I’ve had the pleasure
of working with some who work for
dysfunctional organizations that went on
the hard journey of completely changing
the way they lead and completely
revitalizing their culture and it has
great success it’s not because of me
it’s because of them right at the same
time there are many people who came in
like what an amazing speech and did
nothing you know thanks that was great
you know and I don’t it’s of course it’s
gonna fail you know so I I think that we
we have too much especially in the
consulting world or the design world
everybody’s so paternalistic about it my
designers are famous for this right they
get so personally offended when the
client chooses the wrong thing
through this experience don’t they know
we’re trying to help them
or who cares like it’s their freaking
business right that’s what you find
I’ve had that instead of arguing with
somebody for them to the right choice
which because we genuinely want to help
them what I have found is if you push
the accountability down to because when
we argue we’re taking accountability
this is better this will help you we’re
taking responsibility accountability but
if we say look we’ve been doing this a
bunch of years we know more about design
than you do
I’m telling you for every reason that I
can outline for you why this will help
you more but if you don’t want to do it
that’s fine it’s your business do what
you want the minute you switch the
accountability and put it all on them
amazingly they’re much more open to your
opinion because now they’re responsible
thank you guys so much for watching I’d
love to know what do you think of the
video what did you learn from this are
you more motivated now than you were
before I’d love to know your thoughts
please leave it in the comments below
and I’m going to join in the discussion
I also want to give a quick shout out to
Tamra weeks
Tamra thank you so much for picking up
ten copies of my book and then doing
that amazing YouTube unboxing video I
really really really appreciate you and
support it means a lot to me you see it
ah look like look like look your one
word the powerful secret to creating a
business and life that matters Evan
Carmichael so thank you guys again for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much love I’ll
see you soon
[Music]
I made the mentor me series to try to
hang around people who’ve done a lot
more than us and by spending a little
bit more time with them hopefully some
of their their beliefs our mindset their
attitude their habits seep into us to
help us become the best version of
ourselves so today we’re going to learn
from simon Sinek on motivation mentor me
Simon
[Music]
you
outside in the world is danger at all
times for various reasons in caveman
times that danger may have been you know
a saber-toothed tiger it may have been
the weather it may have been a lack of
resources it may have been who knows any
number of things things that with no
conscience are trying to kill you they
want to end your life and so how do we
survive we work together and together we
come together in our groups in our
companies and our tribes to feel like we
belong to be around people who believe
we believe so that we may feel safe when
we’re surrounded by people who have our
best interests in mind and we feel safe
we will organize ourselves and cooperate
to face the dangers externally
don’t forget the outside dangers are a
constant in a modern world the outside
dangers may be your competition that’s
trying to put you out of business or at
least steal your business it might be
the herbs and flows of the economy it
might be terrorism all of these unknowns
all trying to put you out of business
take away your job take away your
livelihood end it for you nothing
personal it’s a constant inside our
organizations the dangers we face are
not a constant they are a variable and
they are the decisions of leadership as
to how safe they make us feel when we go
to work this is the job of leaders ASA
said it better than I can there’s an
Aesop fable about four oxen that stand
tailed to tail whenever the lion tries
to eat them no matter what angle from
which he attacks he will always be met
with horns
however due to infighting and
disagreements they separate and they go
and graze in different parts of the
field and one by one the lion picks them
off and kills them all when we stand
together we can more easily face the
dangers outside when we break up inside
our companies if our leaders don’t allow
us a space to feel safe inside our own
companies to feel like we belong then we
have to we’re forced to exert our own
energy to protect ourselves from each
other and by the way expose ourselves to
greater danger from the outside if you
have to worry about politics if you have
to worry about someone
your credit if you have to worry about
your bus not having your back think
about the energy you invest not in your
business not in the products you’re
trying to develop not in your work not
in how great you’re producing not in
your creativity but in just keeping
yourself feeling safe this is
destructive the responsibility of
leadership is two things one to
determine who gets in and who doesn’t
get in this is what it means to start
with why what are our values what are
our beliefs who can we allow in second
thing is to decide how big this is how
big do we make the circle of safety how
big do we make the circle of belonging
do we keep it around just our c-level
executives and call it an inner circle
and allow others to try and fend for
themselves and maybe if we try and get
into our inner circle or do we extend it
to the outermost edges of the
organization great leaders extend the
circle of safety the circle of belonging
out to the outermost edges so the most
junior person feels like they belong
feels safe I did a little experiment
with them with a homeless person not
like on them it’s not like electrodes
with them voluntarily help me because
the whole idea of giving right give it
you’ve all walk down the street and
you’ve all seen someone begging and you
either have or haven’t thrown a few
pennies in their cup when you do you
feel good you bought that feeling that
is a legitimate commercial transaction
you know commercial transactions are
defined as the exchange of consideration
there was an exchange of consideration
here you gave money you got the feeling
of goodwill you paid for that feeling if
you didn’t give money you either feel
nothing or you feel bad you can’t feel
good by not giving all right you paid
for that feeling so now the question is
how is that person encouraging us to
give the joke is they act like every
corporation in the world they talk about
themselves
Mee Mee Mee Mee Mee Mee Mee right like
they sit there with their little outdoor
advertising little sign right
and it says I’m homeless I’m hungry I
got 12 kids I’m a veteran
god bless they got it all in they’re
trying to appeal to somebody the
religious vote the veteran vote you know
the child sympathizer surround yourself
with lots of pets go for that one too
right all in an attempt to get something
from someone takers not givers right all
about me well what what corporations do
we’ve added more RAM we’ve added more
rom we’ve added more speed this one’s
number one we’re the biggest we’re the
best we’ve been around since 1969 we’re
better than them we’re faster than them
we’re more efficient than that one me me
me me me me me me me me and so even if
we buy their product guess what yeah I’m
gonna feel much so I did this little
experiment I found a nice homeless lady
on the streets of New York who’s willing
to help out and I learned that with her
sign which was pretty typical I’m
homeless I’m hungry remember but she
makes between 20 and 30 dollars a day
for you know for a day’s worth of work 8
to 10 hours of sitting there selling
goodwill 8 to 10 hours she’ll make 20 to
$30 $30 was considered a good day I
changed her sign and the new sign made
her $40 in two hours and then she left
it’s one of the reasons she’s homeless
is because she’s decided that she only
needs 20 to 30 dollars a day to live if
she stayed she would have made $150 the
point is she made 40 bucks in two hours
where the signs say the sign said if you
only give once a month please think of
me next time it has nothing to do with
the taker it has everything to do with
the giver and what are the objections
people give when they don’t give I can’t
give to everyone how do I know that they
really need it and so I address both
those concerns I know you can’t get to
everyone so if you only give once a
month my cause is legitimate I will
still be here when you’re ready to give
40 bucks two hours make it about them
not about you the fact of the matter is
100 percent of customers are people and
100 percent of clients are people and
100 percent of employees are people I
don’t care how good your product is I
don’t care how good your marketing is I
don’t care how good your design is if
you don’t understand people you don’t
understand business we are social
animals we are human beings and our
survival depends on our ability to form
trusting relationships do you ever watch
Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel
I’m slipping through channels one night
and Deadliest Catch came on and on this
episode just random they were in a huge
storm now for those of you who don’t
know Deadliest Catch they take these
crab fishing boats out in the Bering Sea
which is like terrible and they put
cameras on them and we watch right the
reason that’s I guess significant is
because these crab fishermen have I
think one of the top 5 deadliest jobs in
the world you know I don’t know what the
exact number is but dozens of fishermen
die every year doing doing this we
apparently find that entertaining but it
actually is so they have cameras only on
five or six of the ships even though
there are many many many ships that go
out fishing every season and they don’t
really come into proximity with each
other because you know the oceans huge
and
usually sabotage each other and give
each other false information because
they’re all competitors they’re all
looking to get the crabs and you know
make sure that they find them somebody
else doesn’t and yeah it’s business
right it’s just business it’s okay we
all do the same thing in our own
companies and in this one episode this
big huge storm was so violent that they
had to bring all the pots which are the
big cages that they catch the crabs and
they to bring all the pots back on the
boat and wait out the storm
and just by dumb luck one of the boats
that had cameras on it was in proximity
of a boat that didn’t have cameras on it
and so they filmed they had secured all
their pots on the deck and so they
started filming the other boat and they
filmed a guy climbing on the outside of
the cage securing the pots and all of a
sudden a huge wave hits the side of the
boat and the guys not there anymore and
the people on the boat with the camera
starts screaming Man Overboard Man
Overboard Man Overboard and they turned
their boat towards where they think he
might be he’s a stranger they don’t know
him they don’t know the the crew members
of the other boat and yet they react and
they turned towards him and they find
him in the drink and for those of you
don’t understand how dangerous this is
if the water is so cold that if you’re
in the water for I think that it’s a
minute or a minute thirty hypothermia
will set in and you die and they come
upon him and he’s screaming don’t let me
die don’t let me die and they pull him
on board not out of the woods yet they
strip off his clothes because it’s wet
and cold and they wrapped blankets
around him to prevent hyperthermia from
setting in and he survives and it’s
overwhelming and the captain comes down
and this is all on me you can go watch
it on TV
the camera comes the captain comes down
and he hugs this stranger this young man
his competitor he hugs this guy’s if
he’s his own son I I lost it everybody
is crying and you realize what happened
here was a human interaction
and the reason they risk their own lives
to help this other person even though
they spend every other day trying to get
ahead and sabotage is because at the end
of the day they’re all crab fishermen
and they know something about each other
and they know something about the risk
that they all take to do this and when
push comes to shove they will put
themselves out there to help each other
for no other reason than they get it
they’re one of the same I will promise
you that every single member of that
crew that day went home with a feeling
of fulfillment I promise you that every
single person on that crew that day felt
more good in their hearts and in their
jobs than the richest days they’ve ever
pulled in my question is is what are you
doing to help the person next to you
don’t you want to wake up and go to work
for the only reason that you can do
something good for someone else when you
want them to do that for you I was
staying at the Four Seasons in Las Vegas
which is a wonderful hotel and the
service there is really great the reason
it’s such a great hotel is because of
the people who work there and I had an
experience with a young man by the name
of Noah and Noah’s a barista
in the coffee shop that they have just
there in the lobby and I was buying a
cup of coffee and Noah was charming and
funny and engaging and I think I gave a
hundred percent tip I think my five
dollar coffee I think I gave a five
dollar tip I mean this guy was great I
mean I love talking to him he was a joy
and I asked him do you like your job he
said to me I love my job without
skipping a beat mom and I asked what is
it that the four seasons is doing that
you love your job so much he says with
again without skipping a beat he says
throughout the day managers will walk
past and ask how I’m doing if there’s
anything that I need he said not just my
manager any manager Wow
he says I feel supported here he says
quote I can be myself right then magic
and then he says to me I also work at
Caesar’s Palace
and they’re the managers go around to
make sure that we’re doing everything
right and catch us if we do something
wrong he says when I go to work at
Caesar’s Palace I keep my head just
under the radar because I don’t want to
get in trouble he said I just want to
get through the day and make a paycheck
right same person right the experience
that I have it the four seasons will be
diametrically opposite to the experience
that I have at Caesar’s Palace
not because of Noah but because of
Noah’s leadership right and the joke is
if I were to go talk to the managers
over at Caesars Palace and say you know
it’s you they’ll say but you don’t
understand we cannot get good work out
of our peoples look look no matter how
hard we try and how hard we push them
they just don’t so we either have to
replace them a push them harder no we
respond to the environments we’re in get
the environment right you get the right
behavior get the environment wrong you
get the wrong behavior if that is what
is happening it is because of leadership
not because of the people yeah there was
a really famous cartoon back in the 80s
the beatings will continue until the
morale improves yeah yeah I always
thought that was hilarious because it’s
so terrifyingly accurate and and
astonishingly you look I’m embarrassed
that I have a career you know I talk
about things like trust and cooperation
why is there demand for my work you know
but the fact that there is I’ll take it
as an opportunity but what’s really sort
of abominable is that this is not a new
idea like there are books galore and
speeches galore and articles galore
about what leadership is you know we all
kind of say the same thing from a
different angles you can pick your
flavor whichever message resonates most
with you and yet people don’t do it
what’s the hang-up and so I get this
question a lot which is what do you know
what are the most important
characteristics about being a leader
vision charisma you know
I know some spectacular leaders who
don’t have big Steve Jobs Ian’s visions
they’re just not visionary you know and
I know some spectacular leaders who
really don’t have a lot of charisma they
kind of just shuffle around and you’re
like that’s the guy yeah that’s the guy
right and they’re spectacular and people
will give blood sweat and tears for
these people the one thing I am
comfortable saying that all effective
leaders must have is courage because it
is hard it is hard to stand up against
outside pressure it is hard to stand up
to an external constituency who’s
pushing you to do something for their
short-term gain to do the right thing
for your people it is hard it is
thankless it is lonely it’s sometimes
sometimes you get fired sometimes you
get in trouble sometimes you’ll lose
your job and the next guy will get all
the credit it’s all true and the courage
to do the right thing in the face of
overwhelming pressure only the best
leaders have that courage only the best
leaders and here’s the folly courage is
not some deep internal fortitude you
don’t dig down deep and find the courage
right it just doesn’t exist
courage is external our courage comes
from the support we feel from others in
other words when someone when you feel
that someone has your back when you you
know that the day that you admit you
can’t do it someone will be there and
say I got you you can do this that’s
what gives you the courage to do the
difficult thing it’s not going off to an
ashram by yourself somewhere for four
weeks and coming back and finding the
car it’s not what happens it’s the
relationships that we foster it’s the
people around us who love us and care
about us and believe in us and when we
have those relationships we will find
the courage to do the right thing and
when you act with courage that in turn
will inspire those in your organization
to also act with courage in other words
it’s still an external thing that’s what
inspiration is right I’m inspired to
follow your example
but those relationships that we foster
over the course of a lifetime
will not only make us into the leaders
we need to be in hope we can be but
they’ll often save your life they’ll
save you from depression they’ll save
you from giving up they’ll save you from
any matter of you know negative feelings
about your own capabilities your own
future when someone just says I love you
and I will follow you no matter what I
talked to so many smart fantastic
ambitious idealistic hard-working kids
and they’re right out of college their
their entry-level jobs and I’ll ask them
how is it going and they’ll say I think
I’m gonna quit and I’m like why they say
to me I’m not making an impact I’m like
you know you’ve been here eight months
right they treat the sense of
fulfillment or even love like it’s a
scavenger hunt like it’s something you
look for my millennial friends they’ve
gone through so many jobs they’re either
getting fired I mean it was mutual or
they’re quitting because they’re not
making an impact or they’re not finding
the thing they’re looking for they’re
not feeling fulfilled as if it’s a
scavenger hunt love a job you find joy
from is not something you discover it’s
not like I found love here it is I found
a job I love that’s not how it works
both of those things require hard work
you are in love because you work very
hard every single day of your life to
stay in love you find a job that brings
you ultimate joy because you work hard
every single day to serve those around
you and you maintain that joy it’s not a
discovery but the problem is this sense
of impatience it’s as if an entire
generation is standing at the foot of a
mountain they know exactly what they
want they can see the summit what they
can’t see is the mountain this large a
movable object that doesn’t mean you
have to do your time that’s not what I’m
talking about take a helicopter climb I
don’t care but there’s still a mountain
life career fulfillment relationships
our journeys the problem is this entire
generation has an institutional
sense of impatience and do they have the
patience to go on the journey to
maintain love to feel fulfilled or do
they just quit and on to the next dump
and on to the next ghost and on to the
next
and by the way ghosting means the lack
of skill to have a confrontation you
date somebody for six months eight
months and then just stop replying just
delete them from everything now for the
person who’s doing the ghosting oh
that’s certainly easier than a
confrontation but the person on the
receiving end of the ghosting it’s like
there’s a death there’s suddenly shun
there’s panic they call out their
warning they call out their word they
think it’s you they think it’s them do
you have any idea the destruction that
we reap on people by ghosting them and
then because there’s the lack of social
skills to call out and ask for help they
internalize and it makes them feel awful
to the point at the worst they will kill
themselves slightly one level down
they’ll get depressed but the lowest
level that we can hope for is they will
go through life and I’m not talking
about ghosting I’m talking an entire
generation that if we don’t fix this
we’ll go through life where everything’s
just fine my friendships are fine my
work is fine you know same old same old
nothing’s ever amazing and the scavenger
hunt continues we’re taking a generation
that is lower self-esteem we’re taking a
generation that has a lack of cocka
cocka mechanisms to deal with stress
we’re dealing with a generation that
wants all those things fixed immediately
and we’re placing them in work
environments that values money more than
people do you know that most of the
business philosophies most of the
business theories that we embrace and
see a standard today are not standard
there are theories left over from the
80s and 90s the concept of shareholder
supremacy was a theory proposed in the
late 1970s it was popularized in the 80s
and 90s the concept of using mass
layoffs to balance the books did not
exist in the United States prior to the
1980s it did not exist it became popular
in the 80s
and 90s the 80s and 90s were boom years
anyone could make money relative peace a
kinder gentler cold war and so all of
the business theories that were put
forth were very very selfish and all
about enriching ourselves and they
worked for those times but these times
are different these are not peaceful
times these are not boom years this is
there’s globalization on the internet
which has now made everything vastly
more complicated and those theories do
not work anymore worse they’re having
side effects it’s really bad because
what we do is we destroy corporate
cultures the idea of using mass layoffs
can you imagine sending someone home and
saying I’m sorry I can no longer provide
for our family because the company
missed its arbitrary projections this
year that’s what we’re doing that’s like
a coach prioritizing the needs of the
fans over the needs of the players
hoping to build a great team it doesn’t
work we dismantled things like the
glass-steagall Act glass-steagall was
passed after the Great Depression to
prevent another Great Depression from
happening it was dismantled in the 80s
and the 90s in the name of profit okay
do you know how many stock market
crashes we had between the Great
Depression and the dismantling of
glass-steagall
the answer is zero and since they
dismantled glass-steagall we had 87 the
dot-com crash 2008 we’ve had three stock
market crashes because we’ve moved the
safety mechanisms that prevents stock
market crashes from happening all in the
name of individual advancement and
profit and these are the corporate
cultures we’ve built corporate cultures
that value numbers over people and they
are not standard business practices they
are new and they are broken and they are
dangerous and we’re asking a young
wonderful ambitious amazing generation
that needs us to work in these in
whether we like it or not we have to
take responsibility for that bad hand
that you’ve been dealt it is up to the
companies to create an environment in
which you can build your self-confidence
it is up to the companies to create an
environment in which you can learn
coping mechanisms and learn how to build
strong close relationships with people
with whom you work that you will
eventually love and sacrifice to see
that they gain it is in these
environments that we will learn the
patience and the hard work that it takes
to find fulfilment in our lives to find
a sense of purpose a sense of joy yes
it’s all fine and good that my
generation and older generations say to
you things like well you’re the future
leaders
we’re the leaders now we’re the ones in
control of the corporate environments
now and we’re making your lives worse I
don’t want you to jump from job to job
to job to job you will never find what
you’re looking for it’s not a scavenger
hunt I don’t want you to go from
relationship to relationship to
relationship what I want you to do is
stand up and demand that the places in
which you work lead you properly nobody
wants to wake up in the morning and be
managed we want to wake up in the
morning and be led and we have a total
leadership crisis in America politics is
just the mirror reflection we get the
politicians we deserve we’re the divided
ones we’re the selfish ones we’re the
broken ones
we’re the ones who would sooner
sacrifice somebody else so that we may
gain it’s us and until we’re willing to
do the hard work of repairing the world
around us our country our politics our
businesses will not fix so there’s a
wonderful story
please listening has the problem when
people say you need to be a better
listener as we are human beings and we
need to communicate then communication
is two ways listening and speaking so
the but everybody’s like you got to be a
better listener like but here’s the best
understanding I have it so Nelson
Mandela is universally regarded as a
great leader which is important because
you know different people are viewed
differently in different nations but
Nelson Mandela univer
we regarded as a great leader right he
was actually the son of a tribal chief
and he was asked in an interview once
how did you learn to be a great leader
and he tells the story of how he would
go to tribal meetings with his father
and he remembers two things they always
sat in a circle and his father was
always the last to speak hmm and in
terms of leadership and listening I
think the idea of be a better listener
is actually half the advice I think the
advice is practice being the last to
speak you see this all the time in
meetings where everybody will sit around
a room the senior guy would be like
right here’s the problem here’s what I
think we should do but I’m really
interested in what your thoughts are yes
let’s go around the room it’s too late
you’ve influenced you’ve created your
frequent and people ended people Bend
and mold as opposed to saying here’s a
problem I’m interested what you have to
say without saying anything and not even
at having this and here’s this takes
practice not even even giving a hint
whether you agree or disagree if
anything you ask questions to learn more
you get the benefit of hearing
everybody’s opinion everybody gets to
feel heard and then you get to render so
I would dopamine is the feeling that you
found something you’re looking for or do
you accomplish something you set out to
accomplish so you know that feeling you
get when you cross something off your
to-do list
that’s dopamine feels awesome you know
when you when you have a goal to hit and
you achieve that goal you’re like yes
you feel like you’ve won something right
that’s dopamine the whole purpose of
dopamine is to make sure that we get
stuff done right the historical reason
for dopamine we would never eat if we
only waited to get until we got hungry
because there’s no guarantee that we
would find food so dopamine exists to
help us go looking for food we get
dopamine when we eat which is one of the
reasons we like eating and so when you
see something that reminds you of
something that feels good we want to do
the behavior that helps us get that
feeling right so let’s say you’re out
there going for a walk and you see an
apple tree in the distance you get a
small hit of dopamine and then what it
does is it focuses us on our goals and
now we start walking towards the apple
tree and as the apple tree starts to get
a little bigger we feel like we’re
making progress you get another little
shot of dopamine and another little
shadow dopamine until you get to the
Train you’re like yes okay this is why
we’re told you must write down your
goals your goals must be tangible
there’s a there’s a biological reason
for that we we’re very
visually oriented animals you have to be
able to see the goal for it to
biologically stay focused right if you
don’t write down your goals if you can’t
see your goals it’s very hard to get
motivated to get inspired for example
think about corporate visions right a
corporate vision is have to be something
we can see right that’s why it’s called
a vision you can see it right to be the
biggest most respected to be the
fastest-growing are not visions they’re
nothing right what does that even look
like respected by whom your mother
yourself your friends your shareholders
who knows what’s the metric dunno it’s
Amorphis doesn’t motivate us just like I
can’t tell you you will get a bonus if
you achieve more you’re gonna ask me how
much more I’m gonna say more doesn’t
work you need a tangible goal you need a
tangible goal right here’s a great
vision Martin Luther King I have a dream
that one day little black children the
little white children will play on the
playground together and hold hands
together we can imagine that we can set
our sights on that and every time we
achieve a goal and achieve a metric and
achieve a milestone that makes us feel
like we’re making progress to the vision
we can see we keep going and going and
going until we achieve something
remarkable you have to be able to see it
dopamine
like I said dopamine is the feeling you
get when you set out to find something
you’re looking for as well talked about
the to-do list I came home from a trip
just a couple days ago and I had a bunch
of errands to run and I wrote down a
little list of things I had to do and
off I went right and as I was walking
past I think was a drycleaners I
remember I was walking past something I
remembered oh I have to do that and I
hadn’t written it down on my I hadn’t
written down on my to-do list so I went
in and I finished what I needed to do
and then when I came out I then wrote it
on my to-do list and then crossed it out
because I wanted the dopamine feels good
dopamine comes with a warning dopamine
is highly highly highly addictive here
are some other things that release
dopamine alcohol nicotine gambling your
cell phone
oh you think I’m joking okay we’ve all
been told that you know if you wake up
in the morning and you crave a drink you
might be an alcoholic well if you wake
up in the morning the first thing you do
is check your phone before you even get
out of bed might be an addict
if you walk from room to room in your
own apartment holding your telephone you
might be an addict when you’re driving
in your car and you get a text and your
phone goes beep we we hate email true we
love the beep the buzz the ding oh right
you’ll be there in 10 minutes and yet
you have to look at it right now you
might be an addict and even if you read
it and it says are you free for dinner
next Thursday and you have to reply
immediately you can’t wait the 10
minutes you might be an addict and for
all you Gen Y is out there who like to
think that you’re better at multitasking
beause you grew up with the technology
then why do you keep crashing your cars
when you’re texting
you’re not you’re not better at
multitasking you’re better getting
distracted in fact if you look at the
statistics ad D and ADHD have diagnosis
of AD D and ADHD have risen 66% in the
past 10 years okay
ad D and ADHD is a frontal lobe disorder
right are you telling me out of nowhere
66% of our youth has the frontal lobe
problem where did that come from no it’s
a misdiagnosis right what what are the
what are the symptoms of a dopamine
addiction to technology distractibility
inability to it to get things done
easily easily distracted you know
shortness of attention it’s all the same
things so we misdiagnosed things it’s
this it’s the addictive quality of
dopamine we can also get addicted to
performance in our companies when all
they do is give us numbers to hit
numbers to hit numbers to hit and a
bonus you get and a bonus you get and a
bonus you get all they’re doing is
feeding us with dopamine and we can’t
help ourselves all we do is want more
more MORE it’s no surprise that the
bank’s destroyed the economy because one
of the things we know about dopamine
addict is they will do anything to get
another hit sometimes at the sacrifice
of their own resources and their
relationships ask any alcoholic gambling
addict or drug addict ask them how their
relationships are doing and if they’ve
squandered any of their resources it’s
an addiction dopamine is dangerous if it
is unbalanced it is hugely helpful when
in a comfortable and balanced system but
when unbalanced it’s dangerous and it’s
destructive the metrics are fine they’re
just not in the short-term and they’re
just not fixed entire they so for
example do you love your wife yes right
prove it
like what’s the metric give me the
number that helps me know right because
when you met her you didn’t love her
right
now you love her right tell me the day
the love happened it’s an impossible
question right but it’s not that it
doesn’t exist it’s that it’s much easier
to prove overtime right so all
leadership is the same thing it’s about
transitions so if you were to if you
were to go to the gym right sit like
exercise right if you go to the gym and
you work out and you come back and you
look in the mirror you will see nothing
and if you go to the gym the next day
and you
back and you look in the mirror you will
see nothing right so clearly there’s no
results can’t be measured
it must not be effective so we quit
right or if you fundamentally believe
that this is the right course of action
and you stick with it like in a
relationship I bought her flowers and I
wished her happy birthday and she
doesn’t love me clearly I’ll give up you
know that’s not what happens if you if
you believe there’s something there you
commit yourself to act an act of service
you could meet yourself to the regime
the exercise you can screw it up you can
eat chocolate cake one day you can skip
a skip a day or two you know you lose
for that but if you stick with it
consistently I’m not exactly sure what
day but I know you’ll start getting into
shape I know it and the same with the
relationship it’s not about the events
it’s not about intensity it’s about
consistency right you go to the dentist
twice a year your teeth will fall out
you have to brush your teeth every day
for two minutes
what is brushing your day twice a day
for two minutes do nothing unless you do
it every day twice a day for two minutes
right it’s the consistency going to the
gym for nine hours does not get you into
shape working out every day for 20
minutes gets you into shape so the
problem is we treat leadership with
intensity we have a two-day off-site we
would invite a bunch of speakers we give
everybody certificate you’re a leader
right those things are like going to the
dentist they’re very important that good
for reminding us or getting us back on
track learning new lessons but it’s the
daily practice of all the monotonous
little boring things like brushing your
teeth that matter the most she didn’t
fall in love with you because you
remembered her birthday and bought her
flowers and Valentine’s Day she fell in
love with you because when you woke up
in the morning you said good morning to
her before you checked your phone she
fell in love with you because when you
went to the fridge to get yourself a
drink you got her one without even
asking she fell in love with you because
when you had an amazing day at work and
she came home and she had a terrible day
at work you didn’t say yeah yeah yeah
but let me tell you about my day you sat
and listened to her awful day and you
didn’t say a thing about your amazing
day this is why she fell in love with
you I can’t tell you exactly what day
and it was no specular thing you did it
was
accumulation of all of those little
things that she woke up one days and is
as if she pressed a button she goes I
love him right
leadership is exactly the same there’s
no event there’s no thing I can tell you
you have to do that your people will
trust you it just doesn’t work that way
it’s then it’s an accumulation of lots
and lots of little things that anyone by
themselves is innocuous and useless
literally pointless by themselves people
will look at little things that are good
leadership practice and say that won’t
work and you’re absolutely right
but if you do it consistently and you do
it in combination with lots of other
little things mmm like saying good
morning to someone that looking in the
eye my friend George who’s a three-star
general in the Marine Corps
he says his test for leadership and I
love this he goes his test for the good
leaders if you ask somebody how their
day is going you actually care about the
answer and the number of times were
walking to a meeting we’re rushing we go
how are you not good I gotta get to you
later I got him late for a meeting
if you ask the question you were
standing there and you’re listening to
the answer it’s those little innocuous
things that you do over and over and
over and over that people will say I
love my job not I like my job
I like my job means yeah the challenge
is great they pay me well I like the
people I love my job means I don’t want
to work anywhere else I don’t care how
much somebody else will is willing to
pay me I’m devoted to the people here
and I care desperately about the people
here as if they were my family in
business we have colleagues and
co-workers in the military they have
brothers and sisters that’s how they
think of each other right if you really
have a strong corporate culture the
people will think of each other like
brothers and sisters don’t really look
like a family right no brothers and
sisters deep love fight but the love
doesn’t go away right bicker the love
doesn’t go away and I’ll fight with my
sister but if you threaten my sister
you’re gonna have to deal with me right
right we’ll fight internally we’ll
bicker with each other but nobody’s
going to hurt each other and if anything
from the outside shows up you got you’re
looking at a unified front brothers and
sisters now how do you create brothers
and sisters out of strangers
common beliefs common values you know
parents in other words executives who
care about their children’s success who
care to raise their children teach them
skills discipline them when necessary
help them build their self-confidence so
that they couldn’t go on and achieve
something more than you could have ever
imagined achieving for yourself that’s
leadership an absolute love and devotion
for the people who’ve committed their
lives to this enterprise a goal of
putting something out there if you say
what you believe and you do what you
believe you will attract people who
believe what you believe if you go to
one of your friends and you say to one
of your friends how would you like me to
dress so that you’ll like me better how
would you want me to address you how do
you want me to speak so that you’ll like
me more right your friends are gonna
look at you be like what are you talking
about come on come on come on what
should I wear so that you’ll find me
more appealing and how would you like me
to speak to you so that you’ll like me
more and your friends are gonna tell you
just be yourself that’s why I like you I
don’t just be yourself now think about
what we do in industry what do we do we
do market research and we go and we ask
the customers what kind of things the
way what style should we speak to you
how should we decorate ourselves what
kind of things are you drawn to so that
we can do those things do you like us
more it’s just as ridiculous it’s just
as ridiculous organizations should say
and do the things they actually believe
and they will attract people who believe
what they believe or they can choose to
lie and at the slightest hint that they
might be lying cynicism sets in and
people start saying I’m not sure I can
trust these guys because there’s not a
lot of consistency and all the things
they say and do which means they can’t
have a very strong belief set or they’re
lying to me and we call them in
authentic the entire process of asking
other people who we should be is
inauthentic that’s hilarious to me all
these positioning studies we do are
inherent
we’re going to do a study to find out
from people so we can be more authentic
that’s hilarious
say and do what you actually believe in
the symbols you put out there the things
you say and the things you do those red
hats are ways
people can find you what you have the
ability to do as designers is create
those symbols and allow people to use
those things to say something about who
they are work for companies work for
clients work for people who you believe
what they believe show up and feel a
part of something bigger than yourself
and your part is to put what they
believe into pictures and words and
symbols and graphics so that other
people can use those things to say
something about who they are people put
harley-davidson logos on their body to
say something about who they are
corporate logo ain’t no Procter &
Gamble’s tattooed on anybody’s on
because Harley means something they
stand for something people put that
tattoo on there not to tell you that
they own a motorcycle
they put that tattoo there to tell you
something about themselves you ever see
anybody with a with a Mac laptop put a
sticker over that beautiful shining
Apple ain’t never gonna happen then how
will you know who I am do you ever see
anybody with a PC break out the Windex
to clean out their computer Mac people
have you ever seen a dirty Mac doesn’t
exist does not exist why because it’s
Who I am
these are symbols we use the companies
that are crystal clear and what they
believe and their discipline and how
they do it they’re consistent what they
do and everything they say and
everything they do serves as a symbol of
the set of values and beliefs we use
those symbols to say something about who
we are we surround ourselves with the
people and the products and the brands
that say something about who we are and
when we can find the people who believe
what we believe
we’re weirdly drawn to them because our
very survival depends on it we need it
and so the more you can give of yourself
the more you can give of what you
believe the more you can discipline with
discipline saying boo and do the things
you actually believe strange things
start to happen what you’ll find is that
that the better you are communicating
your why people will want to work for
you
regardless of the opportunity that you
afford them like they want to be a part
of it yeah we do a little thing which
we’ve been doing for years and years and
years called give and take whenever
there’s any kind of relationship whether
it’s a outside partnership or even
somebody who joins our team we do
something called a give-and-take where
we want somebody to be selfish and
selfless within the relationship so not
give and get but give and take so we’ll
ask them what is it that you have to
give to us that you have that you think
that we need right and they’ll tell us
and then we’ll say great what is it that
you selfishly want from us and we want
them to tell us what they can get from
us and not so much when those when those
things match you have a balanced
relationship because what so example
I’ve had it with people will you know
they’ll tell me what they what they have
to offer and that’s awesome because
that’s what I want and then they’ll say
what they have what they want to take
and they go oh I want to work with the
smart people I’m like plenty of smart
people what is it you want to take from
me they’re like I want to help build
something wonderful do that anywhere
what do you want to take selfishly from
me they can get nowhere else and if they
kind of to the question I won’t engage
in a relationship and the reason is
because in time the relationship is
unbalanced they’re gonna be giving but
they’re not taking and I don’t even know
how to give them what they want then
they’ll complain that I’m making enough
money or that because it’s not balanced
that’s right you speak to businesses and
companies and leadership teams and
employees and stuff without mentioning
names I don’t want to put you on the
spot but have you gone and talked to a
company that’s been in trouble and then
spoken to their team and then checked in
on them after you’ve spoken to their
leadership team and what did that look
like did you notice a noticeable change
did they come to you and tell you that
this has helped our organization out and
our culture is much improved because of
it you mean does my work
[Music]
I mean sure here’s the problem with my
stuff you got to do it and I am NOT I’m
not anybody’s like you know mom or dad
I’m not going to do it for you
and I have a very less fair approach of
it I once had a one side explant this is
a bunch of years ago that said what
guarantee do I have that your stuff will
work which my answer was none like I I’m
giving you a tool you can it’s like a
hammer you can use it broadly or
narrowly you can build a table you can
build a house it’s the same tool you can
use it for marketing your music
completely revitalize your entire
culture and even though I’m going to
sell you the most beautiful hammer I’m
not going to guarantee the structural
integrity of the house right it’s your
business you want to ignore all my stuff
ignore it I don’t care it’s your and if
your business collapses you know what
happens to me nothing like I don’t mean
to be cold about it like of course I
want the people I work with to do well
but it’s not mine it’s theirs and I take
no emotional responsibility but the
decisions they make so yes there are
many people that I’ve had the pleasure
of working with some who work for
dysfunctional organizations that went on
the hard journey of completely changing
the way they lead and completely
revitalizing their culture and it has
great success it’s not because of me
it’s because of them right at the same
time there are many people who came in
like what an amazing speech and did
nothing you know thanks that was great
you know and I don’t it’s of course it’s
gonna fail you know so I I think that we
we have too much especially in the
consulting world or the design world
everybody’s so paternalistic about it my
designers are famous for this right they
get so personally offended when the
client chooses the wrong thing
through this experience don’t they know
we’re trying to help them
or who cares like it’s their freaking
business right that’s what you find
I’ve had that instead of arguing with
somebody for them to the right choice
which because we genuinely want to help
them what I have found is if you push
the accountability down to because when
we argue we’re taking accountability
this is better this will help you we’re
taking responsibility accountability but
if we say look we’ve been doing this a
bunch of years we know more about design
than you do
I’m telling you for every reason that I
can outline for you why this will help
you more but if you don’t want to do it
that’s fine it’s your business do what
you want the minute you switch the
accountability and put it all on them
amazingly they’re much more open to your
opinion because now they’re responsible
thank you guys so much for watching I’d
love to know what do you think of the
video what did you learn from this are
you more motivated now than you were
before I’d love to know your thoughts
please leave it in the comments below
and I’m going to join in the discussion
I also want to give a quick shout out to
Tamra weeks
Tamra thank you so much for picking up
ten copies of my book and then doing
that amazing YouTube unboxing video I
really really really appreciate you and
support it means a lot to me you see it
ah look like look like look your one
word the powerful secret to creating a
business and life that matters Evan
Carmichael so thank you guys again for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much love I’ll
see you soon
[Music]
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