hi I’m Evan Carmichael welcome to
another edition of ask Evan in today’s
episode I’m going to answer question for
one of my readers Joey who has a company
called HR printer and he asked me a
question and wanted me to check out his
sales template strategy and wanted my
advice on and I thought it’d be easier
to kind of walk through it together and
give you some advice by using my
computer instead of going on the
whiteboard so if i look at the document
that you sent it’s basically a sales
presentation that i guess you’re given
to entrepreneurs you said back in his
email that is looking to target people
who are a million dollars or more as
entrepreneurs and the email doesn’t
exactly say what he does so attached
information on HR printer in the article
market radiget are SME is with the
million dollars or 10 10 employees or
more we provide solutions and services
to all industries however currently
focus on industries that i have support
throughout my career so I’m still a
little curious as what he does so I’m
going to check out this presentation and
I don’t know if this is what you’re
actually sending out the people well
let’s go through it quickly so who we
are aight reprimand capital consulting
firm with extensive knowledge it becomes
an integral part of your company
providing it ok so it’s really long
right right here the sentence is way too
long nobody’s going to read that and
nobody wants to hear you read that if
you’re doing a presentation so you got
to cut this down right away I’d say you
know HR preneur is your outsourced HR
department something like that like
quick easy you got to get to the point
these are entrepreneurs entrepreneurs
I’m sure as you can imagine you’re an
entrepreneur you know a lot of time to
sit and listen to presentations or to
read a whole bunch of text so i would
definitely cut that down to one quick
line that people can understand quickly
what it is you do in the value have it’s
going a little bit more we become you
three these three simple words guide our
partnership immerse ourselves an
organization’s company dedicated to
making human capital differentiator for
our clients you know it’s it’s great as
what you do is still kind of fluff
you’re not getting to the point yet
where i want to do business with you and
really fully understand what you do
mission small and mid-sized corporations
okay vision inspire okay or values okay
like people are going to flip through
all this stuff because entrepreneurs are
thinking what’s in it for me right how
am I going to benefit from using your
service so your mission vision all that
stuff is great you know for you
internally and it may be something that
that your clients would care about
ongoing now once they’re there at the
point where they’re thinking do I want
to do business with you but right now
you gotta you gotta get somebody
interested you got to tell them why they
should do business you and you got to
hit them home right away so we’re you
know we’re we’re six slides in seven
slides in here and you haven’t grabbed
me yet too much text on this page I mean
if you want to read it flywheel too much
text again it’s great you’re pulling
concepts from Jim Collins Hedgehog way
too much text too much tax too much tax
now I’m scrolling I’m scrolling I’m
looking for Oh cost is good so how much
is it going to cost me please a typical
cost you say between fifteen six percent
in costs per year okay it’s good there’s
a benefit your services okay try to kind
of squeeze that down it’d be good if you
had a process that maybe was clearly
explaining diagrams initially
specialties you know you said before you
didn’t have specialties so I guess you
do have some of them here in questions
so wow this was a presentation that
you’re giving you’re going to lose a lot
of people going to be pretty bored just
honest feedback I had to go through a
ton of presentations as a venture
capitalist and you gotta cut down the
slides you have to cut down the number
of words and speak to them more and you
got to grab the reader with value for
them so I kind of have a sense of how
much your service cost the benefits of
using your service are buried somewhere
in all that text that you have up there
I don’t know who your clients are
example so who are some reference
clients what are some testimonials from
them have you are you just a start-up
like when did you start this business do
you have any media attention
nishan build some momentum to make me
want to see that you’re not just some
fly-by-night operation is going to leave
me hanging next year when you go out of
business you know the slides cut off to
you might want to fix that one up so
less text more value straight to the
point think about yourself as an
entrepreneur if you’re getting pitched
by another company you don’t have time
to sit through huge presentations and
nobody’s going to read this if you send
it to them so you got a you got to cut
that down make it more succinct I think
there is some value what you have you
just gotta say it more clearly more
quickly and hit home the benefits as
soon as you can so I hope that helps if
you guys liked the video please give it
a thumbs up below I’d love to hear you
have to think maybe you guys love this
presentation love to hear some comments
if you want to leave it underneath this
video and stay tuned for next episode
you
another edition of ask Evan in today’s
episode I’m going to answer question for
one of my readers Joey who has a company
called HR printer and he asked me a
question and wanted me to check out his
sales template strategy and wanted my
advice on and I thought it’d be easier
to kind of walk through it together and
give you some advice by using my
computer instead of going on the
whiteboard so if i look at the document
that you sent it’s basically a sales
presentation that i guess you’re given
to entrepreneurs you said back in his
email that is looking to target people
who are a million dollars or more as
entrepreneurs and the email doesn’t
exactly say what he does so attached
information on HR printer in the article
market radiget are SME is with the
million dollars or 10 10 employees or
more we provide solutions and services
to all industries however currently
focus on industries that i have support
throughout my career so I’m still a
little curious as what he does so I’m
going to check out this presentation and
I don’t know if this is what you’re
actually sending out the people well
let’s go through it quickly so who we
are aight reprimand capital consulting
firm with extensive knowledge it becomes
an integral part of your company
providing it ok so it’s really long
right right here the sentence is way too
long nobody’s going to read that and
nobody wants to hear you read that if
you’re doing a presentation so you got
to cut this down right away I’d say you
know HR preneur is your outsourced HR
department something like that like
quick easy you got to get to the point
these are entrepreneurs entrepreneurs
I’m sure as you can imagine you’re an
entrepreneur you know a lot of time to
sit and listen to presentations or to
read a whole bunch of text so i would
definitely cut that down to one quick
line that people can understand quickly
what it is you do in the value have it’s
going a little bit more we become you
three these three simple words guide our
partnership immerse ourselves an
organization’s company dedicated to
making human capital differentiator for
our clients you know it’s it’s great as
what you do is still kind of fluff
you’re not getting to the point yet
where i want to do business with you and
really fully understand what you do
mission small and mid-sized corporations
okay vision inspire okay or values okay
like people are going to flip through
all this stuff because entrepreneurs are
thinking what’s in it for me right how
am I going to benefit from using your
service so your mission vision all that
stuff is great you know for you
internally and it may be something that
that your clients would care about
ongoing now once they’re there at the
point where they’re thinking do I want
to do business with you but right now
you gotta you gotta get somebody
interested you got to tell them why they
should do business you and you got to
hit them home right away so we’re you
know we’re we’re six slides in seven
slides in here and you haven’t grabbed
me yet too much text on this page I mean
if you want to read it flywheel too much
text again it’s great you’re pulling
concepts from Jim Collins Hedgehog way
too much text too much tax too much tax
now I’m scrolling I’m scrolling I’m
looking for Oh cost is good so how much
is it going to cost me please a typical
cost you say between fifteen six percent
in costs per year okay it’s good there’s
a benefit your services okay try to kind
of squeeze that down it’d be good if you
had a process that maybe was clearly
explaining diagrams initially
specialties you know you said before you
didn’t have specialties so I guess you
do have some of them here in questions
so wow this was a presentation that
you’re giving you’re going to lose a lot
of people going to be pretty bored just
honest feedback I had to go through a
ton of presentations as a venture
capitalist and you gotta cut down the
slides you have to cut down the number
of words and speak to them more and you
got to grab the reader with value for
them so I kind of have a sense of how
much your service cost the benefits of
using your service are buried somewhere
in all that text that you have up there
I don’t know who your clients are
example so who are some reference
clients what are some testimonials from
them have you are you just a start-up
like when did you start this business do
you have any media attention
nishan build some momentum to make me
want to see that you’re not just some
fly-by-night operation is going to leave
me hanging next year when you go out of
business you know the slides cut off to
you might want to fix that one up so
less text more value straight to the
point think about yourself as an
entrepreneur if you’re getting pitched
by another company you don’t have time
to sit through huge presentations and
nobody’s going to read this if you send
it to them so you got a you got to cut
that down make it more succinct I think
there is some value what you have you
just gotta say it more clearly more
quickly and hit home the benefits as
soon as you can so I hope that helps if
you guys liked the video please give it
a thumbs up below I’d love to hear you
have to think maybe you guys love this
presentation love to hear some comments
if you want to leave it underneath this
video and stay tuned for next episode
you
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