we talked about self-awareness Who am I
asking that central question in one’s
life looking at your strengths and your
weaknesses getting some evaluation
determining what it is you want out of
life then we went to the next level of
self what self approval approving
yourself to do the things that you like
to do and going after the dreams that
you like to go after and we know when we
don’t approve of our dreams because of
the fact that they stay up in our minds
we don’t act on them we procrastinate we
come up with a variety of excuses on why
we’re not going into action and then the
next level is what self commitment going
for that dream going for those goals
deciding to do the things that are
necessary to bring about the changes
that we want to bring in our lives or
what we want to bring in society and
then after that we are now to this level
and this stage is what self fulfillment
because when you are involved in
commitment when you are implementing
your plan of action you’re going to
produce some results you’re going to
have some victories that you can feel
good about and it’s a time of
celebration so what happens when you hit
the level of self fulfillment first of
all what we want to know is that self
fulfillment is unending and should be
viewed in that context Robert Schuller
says it best when he says success is
never ending so it means that we never
get to a level where we feel that
there’s nothing else for us to do that
we’ve achieved certain number of goals
and we figure that we’re through no no
you don’t want to stay there and
celebrate too long like a lot of people
do they do something they consider
outstanding they go around talking about
what they used to do see let me tell you
I used to do this and I used to do that
excuse me used to beans don’t make no
what are you doing now what have you
done for me lately you don’t go around
telling me about what you used to do and
who you used to be what does that count
for now nothing what are you doing now
you’re still here breathing that means
you’ve got some more to give doesn’t
matter how old you are doesn’t matter
about where you are doesn’t matter about
what you have doesn’t matter about what
you’ve done
life is about growing is about being
productive is about stretching is about
challenging yourself so you start
looking around and decide hey hey what
else do I want to do what got me here is
the time for celebration but also time
for reflection what got me here what
worked what did not work what do I need
to do to repeat so that I can get the
same kind of results in other areas of
my life if the goal is to improve my
health if the goal is to improve my
relationship if the goal is to improve
my income if the goal is to improve
something in society what is it I need
to do now don’t get confused with what
you do with who you are don’t trip don’t
go on some type of ego trip about
talking about how bad you are none of us
do anything by ourselves
develop an appreciation for external
support as well as good fortune because
all of those things play a role the
other thing is don’t go overboard
celebrating at Kipling says it best you
must meet with triumph and disaster and
treat those two Impostors just the same
you look at hey I did it I feel good
about that now you’re moving on to the
next thing things did not work out the
way you wanted them to work out you
didn’t produce the results you wanted to
produce hey miss that win some you lose
them next moving right on
don’t confuse who you are with what you
do let’s go on to the next level looking
in that particular area you returned to
the area of self-assessment you start
looking at yourself and evaluating
yourself now what are some of the
elements are the characteristics of the
qualities of people
our fulfil who live a life of
fulfillment what are some of the things
we can look at about them I think number
one make your mind fertile ground for
the seeds of opportunity think if you
want to experience a sense of
fulfillment you’ve got to have an open
mind so that ideas can come in there and
take root and grow so part of beginning
to have fertile ground you know you got
to break that ground up you got to break
up that hard crust because if you don’t
seem to fall there and the wind can blow
them away the winds of doubt when you’re
set in your mind and you refuse to grow
and you’re not open to new ideas new
methods new ways of doing things if your
mind is already fixed
you become stagnant you can’t grow you
can’t have a sense of fulfillment you
become extremely cynical and negative
about everything you know it all so you
want to begin to look at life and have a
sense of curiosity not know it all you
want to keep learning keep growing
realize that they had a theme you never
find out how much you know until you
find out how little you know there are
some people you can’t tell anything they
have all the answers or I’ve already
done that Lera Dionne you was telling me
he said he was on a plane and he was
observing two men talking and he a guy
was reading a magazine he looked at the
guy next to him say would you like to
read this magazine I’m sure this
magazine I have know I read that before
don’t like it
okay so you had a newspaper he said uh
what about the USA Today no I read that
before I don’t like that either try that
once don’t like that so they serve them
some food and he said would you care to
have anything I have here because the
guy was needing no no tried that before
I don’t like that and if you know this
guy I only had one child he said what
Larry’s trying to say that a lot of
people go through life prejudging things
how many of you don’t like buttermilk
raise your hands please how many of you
raise your hands that never tastes about
a bill please
and I want over I just don’t like the
way it looks all right I might be
missing out on something all right so
many of us count ourselves out of things
prematurely you don’t know what the
possibilities are up in there so you
want to be open you want to continue to
learn you want to continue to grow you
want to begin to know that their
unlimited ideas out here waiting for you
to light you on to them and if you don’t
take advantage of them when they come
your way because you’re so closed-minded
do understand somebody else will
we’ve all had ideas then we did not act
on and looked around and somebody else
add the idea and going with it so be
open and receptive next thing in order
to live a fulfilling life become
involved in life live your fantasy most
people go through life not living their
fantasy going sitting up in the
bleachers looking out on the field
looking out into the arena wishing that
they were down to just fantasizing
seeing themselves running with the ball
I used to do that I used to always see
myself at a basketball game one second
to go Les Brown comes down court he
looks his right looks to his glove he’s
the only one that
do it Dutch the basket goes in less
savers and people pick me up and carry
decide to live your fantasy see in life
you can go through life you can come up
with reasons or you can come up with
results you can come up with excuses or
you can come up with achievements you
can go through life blaming or you can
come up with solutions the choice is in
your hands satisfaction or despair we
can choose that so look at your life and
decide what it is that you want to do
that will give you a life a sense of
Worth someone said yet your life worth
is measured by your accomplishments and
not by your complaints you want to have
a fulfilling life decide not to make
your life predictable so some people
their lives very predictable they got a
little routine they do that and they
follow that day in and day out day in
and day out you don’t get much juice
than happiness out of life like that if
you are predictable you want to change
it up variety most certainly it’s a
spice of life
here’s something else one it created
greater sense of fulfillment challenge
your fears challenge them look those
fears in the face and take them on don’t
allow them to rule you decide that
you’re going to take some chances friend
of mine by the name of Adrian he’s that
one day he decided to have a day of
challenge so he and a friend went to
he’s always been afraid of certain rides
they said on this particular day he said
he decided that he was going to go on
the most dangerous rides and see the
point
so they went around looking at all the
rides and so the young lady that he was
witsand said that’s the one there that’s
it
she said why that one he said well she
said I’m I read about her in the
newspaper said two people were killed
last year on that he said yes that’s the
one I want that’s the word you know so
he got in the line and said it but the
long line had to wait in line for about
two hours
an agent said while he was in line and
as they start getting closer
he said he start doubting him said well
maybe I should not do this maybe so she
says no come on get back in line he said
no no no no no I changed my mind I don’t
want to do this I don’t have to have the
most dangerous ride he said he started
visualizing himself being thrown out of
this big ride and his name on the front
page of the newspaper after being
splattered against the wall or something
so he just started saying no I don’t
want to do it but his friend insisted no
come on Adrian we said we were going to
do it we’re going to confront our fears
today come on just stay in line so he
kept on his lady was arguing with her
the whole time they got up there and the
guy said okay next he says no no I just
decided to change my mind she said come
on she pushed him they went there and he
got in a little seat and they strapped
him in and as they begin to move in so
wait a min I want to get out but it was
too late said it’s not taking him up he
says oh no Please Please I got a bad
heart let me out
and he was up then he was gone he said
he screamed all through that right his
when he got off he was gumming it yeah
but Adrian said less when I got off he
said I walked a little taller anything
he felt good inside and what it make
these cities in hey it wasn’t that bad
after all and we’ve all had experiences
things and we dread doing and when we
finally did it with the hey what’s this
bad as I thought it was gonna be raise
your hand if you ever had that
experience before hey hey hey I just
thought I’ll die if I did this I didn’t
die I’m still here and ladies and
gentlemen that’s that’s what most people
miss out of life you’ve gotta be willing
to risk if you’re not willing to risk
you can’t grow in life life has no power
when you’re not willing to risk somebody
wrote this and it was given to me it’s
that to laugh is to risk appearing the
fool to weep this to risk appearing
sentimental to reach out for another is
to risk involvement to expose feelings
is to risk exposing your true self to
place your ideas your dreams before
crowd is to risk their loss to love is
to risk not being loved in return to
live is to risk dying to hope is to risk
despair to trys to risk failure but risk
must be taken because the greatest
hazard in life is to risk nothing the
person who risks nothing does nothing
has nothing is nothing they may avoid
suffering in sorrow but they cannot
learn feel change grow love and live
chained by their certitudes
they are a slave they have forfeited
their freedom only a person who risk is
free
I’m reminded of a missionary who had
gone to Africa to work with a certain
tribe they were call the headhunters and
there was the reporter observing him and
for a long period of time he had a
limited relationship with him they would
not take him in and he said because he
was tentative and hesitant and fearful
he didn’t want to risk having a
relationship with him because he didn’t
want to mess around and have his hair
take it off
he had this fear and obviously it showed
and the tribesman sensed it say one
night he was sleeping and he made a
decision because the reporter came back
and saw him and he had an incredible
relationship with the tribesman these
headhunters guys say what happened how
did you convert the distance the
hostility into a warm close relationship
he said I had a dream one night I was
thinking and and he said I dream so what
will you know what’s my passion what’s
my life goal he’s always wanted to be a
missionary and he said this is the work
I love and said in the dream he asked
himself how much do you love it I said
I’m willing to die for this dream and he
said he thought about that we woke up
that he loved doing this so much that if
it was in fact his passion that it was
as in fact his life’s work he’s willing
to die for it and so therefore he said
he had no longer any fear of death and
he went in there and started working
with them and obviously they picked that
up and he said something else that was
profound he said when you no longer fear
dying
what else see when when you are willing
to risk all of it
when you’re making that kind of
commitment somebody always defined
commitment I love it so the next time
you have bacon and eggs look at it say
the chicken was involved but the pig was
he had to give it all up
[Laughter]
yes that’s what life is so you’ve got to
be willing to give it all up when you’re
willing to to throw it all on the line
that’s when life takes on a whole new
dimension so most people won’t do that
they won’t risk that so decide to take
some risks you want to break the routine
most people go through life following
that routine and we know that that is a
living death going through life playing
it safe is it like a breathing cross
because the only way that you can grow
you’ve got to risk the only way that you
can become your best you have got to
risk you got to challenge yourself
you’ve got to venture into the unknown
you got to take some chances got to put
you on the line so in order to have that
sense of fulfillment getting out of your
comfort zone as you get out of your
comfort zone you expand your whole life
the more you do the more you realize you
can do you expand your capacity you
expand your potential you expand your
horizons you expand your vision of
yourself and of life you expand your
participation in life you’re involved in
life more you’ll get more out of life
because you’re putting more into life
than most people that’s why it’s so
important that we’re willing to take
some risks I don’t know exactly what to
do it’s okay
you’ll find out you either learn that
you’re going in the right direction or
the wrong direction and from that you
learn you’ll get some feedback the
universe will tell you where do I get
started just get started the universe
will give you immediate feedback don’t
worry you hit your head long enough you
get the message
lose enough money you’ll learn real
quick get enough nuts on your head it’ll
be alright here’s something else choose
to be happy and spite of life’s
challenges in spite of life challenges
life changes every day sometimes things
will be going your way sometimes things
work well for you sometimes won’t work
so well sometimes you have your health
you’re feeling good and energetic have a
yes I can’t attitude and and there’s
some things that can happen to you in
life that can take all of that from you
all of that can go sometimes you might
be financially secure in a sickness once
sickness can wipe out an illness
I’ve always change but you can choose
you can choose in the midst of all of
this that’s going on to be happy in
spite of it and the good times and in
the bad times you can make a choice
Viktor Frankl he talks about that he
said the last of the human freedoms to
choose ones attitude in any given set of
circumstances to choose one’s own way
Douglas Matlock has four my love
entitled it’s fine today is that sure
this world is full of trouble I ain’t
say her name Lord I’ve had enough and
double reason for complaint rain and
storm have come to fret me skies are
often great thorns and brambles have to
set me on the road but say ain’t it fine
today what’s the use always weep and
making trouble last what’s the use of
always keeping thinking of the past each
must have his tribulation water with his
mind life it ain’t no celebration
trouble
but today is fine it’s today that I’m
living not a month ago having losing
taken given as time wills it so
yesterday our cloud of sorrow fell
across the way it may rain again
tomorrow it may rain but safe ain’t it
fine today is that good I don’t like
that so even if a cloud of sorrow comes
over here ain’t it fine today living in
the moment getting everything we can out
of where we are in the moment where we
are right now living in the present the
other thing is willingness to let people
and things go want to live a life of
fulfillment you’ve got to be willing to
let certain people go in your life
don’t get addicted to material things be
willing to let things or people go when
they’re no longer good for you just let
them go just a whole lawn tenaciously it
really doesn’t make really good sense
all right just many times we do it
because we don’t realize that we might
desire it but we don’t need it nice
thing is face the truth about life and
deal with it and a lot of people when
someone in their life of the love very
much dies they allow it to take such a
toll on them they make themselves
miserable and they literally will
themselves to die early because they
feel without this person they have
nothing to look forward to and no no
life has other opportunities other
relationships other experiences for us
and the people that we love really want
us to go on other thing is things are
going to happen to you here in order to
have a fulfilling life knowing that that
things are going to happen expect the
unexpected whatever happens to you use
everything for your upliftment learning
and growth everything that happens use
it for your upliftment learning and grow
in the midst of it ask what can I learn
from this what can I get from it how did
I end up here
what’s the blessing in this for me
ask yourself that whatever it is and
don’t let it go until you get your
blessing out of it because there’s a
blessing there there’s a lesson there
there’s something for you in everything
that happens to you for you to learn
from that experience look at it examine
it analyze it dissect it take it apart
until it reveals itself to you and then
get what you need from that and move on
everything that happens to you have a
friend she stutters and I said are you
taking any special classes to stop from
stuttering she said
no I said why because it helps my
business
I said how when I go in to somebody I
say now if you’re busy I’ll come back
because I stutter and there used to say
oh no no you can tell me right now and
then she say well this is my product and
she said after she goes through it and
if they say no she said well you didn’t
let me tell you again
SG they say oh no that’s alright how
much you don’t tell me no more that’s
alright
just let me know how much I need to give
you so you get out of here so he’s
turned that stuttering to her advantage
somebody says livin life give you lemon
write yourself a lemon cookbook for
everything I have people say to me hey I
really feel sorry you know for you the
fast is a shame they labeled you a jerk
about mentally retarded I said it’s okay
I’ve told this story before
AT&T Procter & Gamble McDonald’s
corporations they rock they failed a
whole lot of money to head what would I
have to say if they hadn’t done that you
know whatever happens to you turn it to
your advantage so I have now made that a
blessing for me as opposed to a handicap
I wouldn’t prove them wrong by engaging
in self study and consciously working to
develop myself so now they have to ask
themselves about when we labeled this
guy what was going on and then there are
people who look at mister wait a minute
this guy he was labeled it what he
taught me
you got him kid if he’s done what he’s
done what could I do it what I got
that’s what happens though when I get
them talking and and motivating a sales
force a leave they’re ashamed not to be
motivated say that retarded guy can do
it I know I got to do something
[Laughter]
they ready to run out the room I gotta
do something for this oh no no no no am
I making any sense – yeah here’s
something I encourage you to do whatever
you do do it in a consciousness of love
see if if you if you love what you do
and if you decide to love people to make
wherever you are in experience of love
just decide to be a loving person
regardless if the people you alone are
loving enough just see I’ve never read
anywhere where they say God has loved
I’m never ever what is what how does it
go what what is it God is love not that
God has love now if we are the children
of God we have the offsprings of God
then we are what love see love is not an
emotion love is not something you can
give you you can’t give love you must be
loved you’ve got to be a loving person
so as you operate in that consciousness
and this comes not just overnight with
enlightenment or insight or just someone
recommending that but with practice
practice and practice and practice and
doing it and doing it and doing it and
working consciously how do you do that
huh what with all of the evil things and
evil people how do you do that well one
of the things is we’ve got to practice
to be non-judgmental to suspend judgment
but if you can in the midst of where you
are no gentleman by the name of Jeffrey
and Chicago when I go there do my
training he’s a quadriplegic he used to
be a bitter young man he’s involved in a
car accident and is paralyzed cannot
move his neck quadriplegic complete he
used to be very bitter very angry he
decided to become a loving person as a
result of Jeffrey’s decision Jeffrey’s
life has taken a dramatic turn he is now
an inspiration and a blessing to other
people there people said wait a minute
and I know one guy in particular was
always a cynical negative guy and I
introduced him to Jeffrey said if this
guy could be pleasant and loving and
have a smile on his face how can I worry
about this little stuff I’m worried
about how can I allow life to get next
to me how can I talk about being
depressed when I can get up and move
around and walk around and Jeffrey can’t
do that and he’s confined to this
wheelchair Jeffrey has decided and a
spirit of love to make his life a
blessing to other people he’s going back
to school he writes with a pencil in his
mouth
he is determined sometimes it becomes a
little frustrated sometimes he does get
a little depressed but he doesn’t allow
it to keep him there he’s a loving
spirit you can feel it in his
consciousness just being around him you
can look at him and feel good inside
he’s an inspiration to the people that
come in contact with his life that’s a
decision that he has made and I feel
that we can all make that decision how
I think some of you know what I mean
sometimes we have to ask ourselves
what’s using my life I’ve heard a guy
give a lecture one time that says we are
today what we were a win and he was
talking about the fact that we to a
great extent behave think react because
of some previous experience that we’ve
had one of the things that we know about
life is that it is always changing
sometimes you up sometimes you’re down
sometimes things go real well and
sometimes they don’t sometimes you’re
happy and sometimes you said now that’s
that thing called life and when we begin
to understand and know that accepting
that reality that that we will never
ever have things just on an even keel
all the time but you’re gonna have some
ups and you’re gonna have some downs but
during those down moments that’s where
the growth takes place that’s where the
work is anybody can feel good when they
have their health their bills are paid
they have happy relationships the
children are acting normal
business is successful anybody could be
positive then anybody can have a larger
vision then anybody can have faith under
those kinds of circumstances am I
correct
see but the real challenge the real
challenge of growth mentally emotionally
and spiritually comes when you get
knocked down somebody said that that
adversity introduces a man to himself or
woman how you handle it
that’s where the growth takes place when
I was facing some challenges I had a guy
say something to me and I suggest this
is one of the first things that you want
to do when you’re facing a challenge you
want to get unstuck evaluate where you
are look at it assess yourself assess
yourself and assess the situation what
brought you there what role did you play
federal Nightingale had a saying I like
he said all of us are self-made but only
the successful will admit it what has
brought you to this point what did you
learn from it are you learning anything
are you doing it over and over and over
again somebody said that insanity is
doing the same thing in the same way
are you going through it or are you
growing through it are you bigger and
better because of it because it’s not
going to leave you until you grow
through it I was going through a major
challenge in my life that was wearing me
out that was using me and one of my
students told me in a class that I was
teaching lessons in truth she said less
until you handle it with grace it will
stay in your face and it stayed there
long time the challenges of life how do
we get it how do we get stuck a friend
of mine went through a divorce my best
friend he had a wife that did not love
him as much as he loved her it was this
first real true love he was a very
religious man did not believe in divorce
he made a mistake and he paid for his
mistake with a lot of pain a lot of
tears and they came to a point where he
knew he should have gotten a divorce but
he was stuck he was stuck in something
called revenge he said she’s made me so
he was stuck and he stayed in there
longer than he should have because it
begins us us attack him it began to
affect him psychologically and as a
result of that would eventually did get
a divorce he took that same attitude to
other relationships looking for
something to go wrong he was burned so
badly he did not want to risk pain again
he was going in relationships trying to
avoid pain when it became too close he
would do something to make sure the
relationship did not work he would
always try and find something wrong with
the person because there no perfect
people so if you look for it you can
find it he was stuck in revenge another
friend of mine working on a job loved
the company very much expected to retire
there and one day they call him in the
office ask him for his badge and
identification told the security man up
walked into his desk told him he was
fired and he had to leave then he was
devastated and if you came anywhere near
him he will tell you his story as we all
have stories even when he got a job he
went on the job telling anybody who
would listen how they fired him unjustly
and he always ended with it wasn’t fair
life isn’t fair life just is it’s not
so we can’t even deal with what’s fair
but he’s stuck in the fact that it’s not
fair I don’t deserve that they were
wrong I used to be a state legislator in
Columbus Ohio during the break we used
to go out on the front lawn of the Ohio
legislature and the Capitol there and
observe people as they came by there was
one particular person that all of us
knew the children adults everybody used
to pick at him when he came by we called
him chicken man
he had a feather in his hat he had a toy
chicken on top of his car that he would
drive around the area in downtown
blinking his lights and occasionally
blowing his horn when he got out of his
car he would dry he would walk down town
with a baby carriage with two little
baby dolls in there and a picture of a
woman and when you say something to him
I came near him you would hear him
making the sounds of a chicken all of us
used to laugh at chicken man we didn’t
know chicken man’s story chicken man
woke up one morning around 3:00 a.m. and
his house was on fire
keep panic and he got out of the window
and left quickly only to get outside to
hear his children and his wife screaming
for help he ran back to the door to go
in to save them and the flames were too
hot too awesome he tried to get in he
couldn’t get in he was desperate frantic
pretty soon the cries stopped they
perished in the fire his brother-in-law
came found out that his sister had died
and his nieces in the fire grabbed
chicken man and started beating him you
chicken why did you save my sister your
chicken your chicken when the people
pulled it off chicken man they picked
him up and said are you all right and
chicken man look at him and he started
making the sounds of the chicken he
never ever overcame that tragedy he will
stop
from that experience none of us knew
what chicken man went wrong with this
picture
and these little dolls I remember when I
was stuck in anger for a long time when
I made a commitment to my adopted mother
that I was going to purchase her a home
I’ll never forget the experience of
working real hard to get the money for
the down payment
so when he told me of a beautiful home
and exclusive area of Miami I went to
see it took my mother there and she said
yes I want it it was on the water we
went to the closing my attorney said
less have you had a title search I said
what’s a title search well you just take
a couple of days to check it out and
make sure there are no liens against the
property that you might have to pay if
you buy this home the guy who was there
selling me the house he said listen he
said the only reason that I’m selling
you this house and selling it at a loss
is because I admire the fact that you
want to purchase this house for your
mother I have another guy who will give
me substantially more money but I like
you and I’ve got to get back to
Philadelphia now if we cannot consummate
this deal now then the deal is off I
said there are no liens against the
property he says no of course not
I looked at my attorney I said I believe
him
I’ll sign she said mr. Brown I’m not
questioning his honesty she said but
business is business I signed that
contract and we had a big celebration
everybody in the neighborhood was
talking about Leslie coming home one of
the twins that Mamie adopted to buy her
a home Charl isn’t that nice God is
going to bless him
a few weeks later I received a letter a
registered letter indicating that the
house was going up for chef sale on the
courthouse steps a man had filed a
$12,000 lien against the property
because the previous owner old him that
money and if I did not come up with
$12,000 in 30 days he was going to sell
the house to the highest bidder I called
this man and said mister my name is les
Rana I purchased this house I had
nothing to do with your prior bill bill
bill he said that’s not my problem he
said you should have had a title search
I said can you give me time I said my
mother is an older lady she has a bad
heart and I said please I said if you
just give me the time I don’t know how
I’m gonna do it with the house note and
everything else but I think I can pay
you at least $2,000 a month and within
six months somehow I will pay your money
he said no I wanted all in 30 days so
you get out I did everything I could
rack my mind thinking about how I could
get $12,000 because I took everything I
could to get the money just for the down
payment and the closing I finally had to
face the reality that I wasn’t going to
be able to do it I was up around two
o’clock in the morning walking back and
forth thinking how was I going to tell
my mother this my children were there in
the room sleeping all night long I
agonized over this I lost over 23 pounds
pretty soon I went in the room where my
mother was sleeping and I said mama I
got down on my knees by the bed I said
mom I gotta talk to you and she said
what’s wrong
I said mama I said we got to get out the
house I said in my haste to buy the
house I made a mistake
she said that’s all right baby I didn’t
like this house any huh
I said mama you told me you loved it I
brought our friends out here to sit she
said you know I have arthritis in my
knees and I don’t like going up the
steps but I knew it made you happy you
loved it so much I said mom I’ve lost 23
pounds agonizing over this well we had
to pack up and go back to the old house
down the street from Northwestern High
School in Liberty City all those
neighbors who came out and saw us leave
those neighbors were there as we were
coming back we went in the house the
roaches were playing cards saying come
I was wiped out I was embarrassed and
humiliated words cannot encompass the
symbolism of what I felt I remember when
I was unloading the furniture now I
began to cry
my sister came by hmm you know you
didn’t have any money to buy no house
mr. big time you know momma got a bad
heart now you’re back where you belong
as I was crying my head down taking
furniture and my momma said hold your
head up I said mama I said I just feel
so bad about this mama she said hold
your head up and dry your tears you have
nothing to be shame up and I did as we
unloaded that furniture in that house
for several weeks I was numb
I was immobilized with anger if I had
seen that guy I was thinking about
flying to Philadelphia I had all kind of
dreams about him and I don’t want to get
this guy here hitting would have been
too good for him I just want to just
grab him and just bite him just well we
beating would have been too good for him
just didn’t every time in my I’ve been
like a Doberman Pinscher yes God
wouldn’t say I thought I made everything
was reading the book on forgiveness and
they had a lot of that says forgive and
grow I had to let that luggage go you
see your mind is you know you’re going
to a service station to get gas you
don’t go in there and just stop pumping
when you push the lever up it clears the
previous bill by the same token if you
want to begin to move you’ve got to
clear your mind of all the unnecessary
luggage and baggage that’s weighing us
down I couldn’t move I couldn’t think
about what am I going to do to get out
of this situation because I was so
concerned about what happened and what
he did to me and how bad it was I was so
stuck in that I couldn’t even focus on
what I should have done feeling sorry
for myself and angry and none of that
was taking me anywhere so pretty soon I
I learned through effort made it
conscious deliberate determined effort I
had to let it go I had to forgive it let
it go and begin to focus on developing
myself and I say to you you’re gonna
have people to do things to you things
are going to happen to you and the most
important thing to do is to harness your
will and let it go and move so you can
grow so you can get on with your life it
doesn’t matter about what happens to you
what matters is what are you going to do
about it
what are you going to do now less how
long do you want to tell everybody at
the bus stop in anybody who would stand
and listen to you
how long you’ll repeat the same thing
over and over and over and over and over
again how many times do we have to hear
that don’t go out telling people what
your story is everybody has a story
[Applause]
sometimes you think you got some
problems you hear somebody else problem
and the way that their problem is real
bad it make you feel good to let that go
all of us got stories to tell
[Music]
chicken man aloud his tragedy to destroy
his life all of us have experienced some
tragedy if we haven’t we will and you
can either let it destroy your life or
you can build upon it you can permit it
to let you let it hold you down or you
can decide I’m not going to let that
happen to me I’m bigger than this make a
declaration to yourself declare all-out
war that you’re going to get out of this
rut I don’t care how good you are until
I care how talented you are I don’t care
how much you work on yourself there are
some times when things aren’t going to
go right
they’re just I’m not going to go right
there are times with anything that can
happen will happen Murphy’s Law will be
knocking at your door Wow I don’t know
why that’s called life
and you have to deal with it sometimes
your life will be in a slump just like
sports some of the best shooters can’t
hit baskets different times and games
they get in a slump do they sit on the
sidelines and say your digestion hit a
basket today
no they continue to execute I suggest to
you that if you are facing a challenge
don’t stop stay busy work your plan
continue to do those things that you
know that work for you after you have
evaluated yourself in the situation
continue to move stay busy stay busy
stay busy repeat out to me help somebody
and help yourself because what you give
is what you get find somebody that you
can help so you can forget about you for
a moment see sometimes the best thing to
do is to be sometimes you have to just
back up and go within yourself a bow and
arrow you you can’t take a bow and just
push it out an hour you just can’t push
the Aral out you have to pull it back
and then release it sometimes you have
to back up and go within and try and
meditate and recharge your batteries go
away clear your head and then come back
and look at it from a different vantage
point don’t operate while you are under
the spell of the effect of what’s going
on next thing is that you’ve got to
activate the thinker in you don’t allow
your emotions to control you we are
emotional but we want to begin to
discipline your emotion if you don’t
discipline and contain your emotions
they will use you your mind goes on
automatic just like a guard you know I
loved reading the book call has a man
taken by James Allen he uses the analogy
of the mind being like a garden you know
weeds don’t have to have any
encouragement to grow
you don’t have to water them they don’t
have to get sunshine they don’t have to
have fertile ground they will grow
through the cracks of a sidewalk am i
right but if you want to grow orchids or
roses or any kind of exotic flowers
there are special processes and
procedures you must go through we’re by
the same token you don’t have to force
yourself or motivate yourself to think
negatively to be depressed to hate
somebody to want revenge you want to get
back at somebody to beat yourself up
over the head to feel loaded with guilt
you don’t have to make any effort to do
that your mind is on automatic it will
do that by itself but if you want to
begin to move into your own personal
greatness if you want to begin to really
enjoy a happy successful healthy life
you’ve got to be willing to go against
the tide you’ve got to be willing to
harness your will and say in spite of
this I’m in control here I’m not gonna
let this get me down I’m not gonna let
this destroy me I’m coming back and I’ll
be stronger and better because of it you
have got to make a declaration this is
what you stand for you’re standing up
for your dreams you’re standing up for
peace of mind
you’re standing up for health you want
it and you’re gonna go all out to have
it it’s not going to be easy when you
want to change it’s not easy if it were
in fact easy everybody to do it but if
you’re serious you’ll go all out yes I’m
going to turn this situation around I’m
not gonna sit back and moan and cry over
what happened and what went wrong and
who did what I’m going to do something
about this situation the next thing that
is important is that expect things to
get better for you
because they are there life is cyclic
you’re not whatever experience you’re
having right now it has not come to stay
it has come to pass not to stay just to
pass it’s just going through the biggest
challenge is is to know what’s happening
this is a part of this thing we call
life this too shall pass and maintaining
perspective putting it in perspective I
was doing the training at a college and
it was a two-day training during
orientation and in the training that I
provide I’m a motivational speaker but I
conduct processes and personal dynamics
where people begin to go through changes
that stimulate the right and left
hemisphere of the brain enable them to
see themselves differently I conducted
this particular simulation with these
young kids 17 and 18 years of age so
that they would begin to see how they
make decisions and how they would
survive in this particular simulation
process we gave them we had them to do
it individually and then collectively
over 30% of them wrote down as their
first option in order to survive they
would commit suicide first thing they
wrote down suicide among young people
has increased 300% over 5,000 will
successfully take their lives this year
why why did he do that
they decide I was so shocked I said what
do you mean well at least we would not
suffer and then they had the nerve to
write down all of the other things they
were going to do after they committed
I said listen cook Dumbo now when you
when you come up with a permanent
solution for a temporary problem that’s
it games over that’s it you’re not gonna
do anything anybody wrote suicide at the
top you can put your pencil down see a
lot of us because of our limited vision
of ourselves a lot of us who begin to
focus on problems and enable them to
overwhelm us we begin to think that we
have no options we begin to believe that
there’s no way out
repeat after me there’s always a way
where there’s a will there’s a way
shake somebody’s hand on your right 11c
I’m unstoppable
you’ve got to make those kind of
declarations to yourself
I’m stoppable this will not get me down
and if I get knocked down I’m gonna be
like Leo Pascal you said you’re gonna
have some low moments in life but when
you do you will have high lows would you
work on yourself what are some of those
things that you can do during this
period of time go for walks do some
things for you just go for a stroll so
you can engage in some reflective
thinking on life on yourself looking and
enjoying the universe smelling the roses
along the way listen to upbeat music
music that inspires you I have only but
goodies I have strategies that I engage
in to recharge my batteries I’m
preparing for that because I know things
are going to happen that I cannot
anticipate very good friend of mine died
the other day I had a program for myself
I have books that I read that inspire me
tapes that I listen to that fire me up
because you’re gonna have sometimes low
moments when you won’t want to get out
of bed you just want to stay there
the times you won’t want to come out of
the house the times you’ll be feeling
bad and don’t know why what’s wrong I
what did that happen I don’t know it’s
called life the other thing is take full
responsibility for your life except
where you are and the responsibility
that you’re going to take yourself where
you want to go so once that we have two
primary choices in life we can either
accept conditions as they exist or we
can take the responsibility to change
them see a lot of people want to exempt
themselves from taking responsibility
all they want to do is talk about the
problem every time you see them they’ll
tell you their story over and over and
over and over again no no you want to
take responsibility for your life I got
me here I can get me out of this and I’m
getting out I’m not going to be a
volunteer victim George Bernard Shaw
said there are two kinds of people in
life you know he said those that make
things happen those that watch things
happen and those that don’t know what
happened and he said the people to get
alone in this life look around for the
circumstances that they want and if they
can’t find them they make up they create
them so part of beginning to get unstuck
you’ve got to decide that the behavior
pattern that you have adopted doesn’t
work for you you’ve got to change your
strategies and changing your strategy
means reinventing your life recreating
you and you have the power to do that
you can decide that you’re going to
change that you’re not going to be a
you can decide that you’re going to
stand up to life
you can decide that I’m gonna live each
day as if it were my last you can you
have the power to make that decision
you can decide I’m gonna work on myself
and develop myself I’m going to empower
me and all of these things that are
happening to me right now
they’re just temporary inconveniences
they’re not stronger than I am I’m in
charge here
next thing is separate what you do from
who you are that’s what the guilt trap
is about see a lot of folks won’t let
you forget what you used to do or what
you have done what mistakes you’ve made
all of us have made some mistakes in
life all of us have done some things
that if we had them to do over again we
wouldn’t do it again a lot of things
that if I had it to do over again if I
knew then what I know now I would have
done it differently well it could happen
that way and that’s what you call life I
didn’t do it like that oh you don’t want
me to live that down how you want to
keep on putting that in my face about
that’s what I did fit won’t do it today
so you were picking on an innocent man
so as you in the process of reinventing
your life write a description of the
kind of person that you want to be what
are the things that you must overcome
what qualities about your personality
you know that you’re going to have to
change because those particular
characteristics are liabilities to you
what are you assets what are you strong
points look at and evaluating yourself
to make that determination other thing
is that in order to get out of a rut we
need some coaching find some trusted
critics people that you know care about
you love you some things that keeps us
from growing and getting out of ruts
number one we identify with feedback we
take it personal when someone want to
give us some feedback on where we are
falling short you tell us about our
blind spots we want to have everything
being positive about us we’re not
perfect it’s it hurts I have a friend
who’s a trusted critic I don’t like him
but I love him he doesn’t tell me the
things I want to hear he tell me what I
need to hear so I can grow it hurts it
hurts when he put me on the hot seat I
can’t stand it but that’s the only way
that I can grow and I’m glad that he
loves me enough to risk our friendship
to tell me what I need to hear not what
I want to hear get us support group
somebody that you can talk to people who
perhaps might have a similar problem
support groups are very powerful that
you can share some of the challenges
that you’re going through and it might
be a situation where one person can give
you an idea of how they handle that
situation and create an opening for you
begin to stimulate some possibilities in
your mind on how you can resolve the
problem we can’t grow by ourselves as I
mentioned before we grow from people and
projects
the other thing is about life when
things happen to you when you permit
things to use you you can’t change the
past but you can interpret you can
reinterpret how you see it for years I
was going around with a heavy load on my
shoulders feeling bad because I was
adopted doing interviews for adoption
agencies and foster homes and I was on
television once and I told these people
in this particular interview that I was
given away my twin brother and I when we
were six weeks of age friend of mine
fortunately was listening to the program
and she said les like to have lunch with
you and so I went over to see her she
said when a woman carries a baby for
nine months feeling that life movement
in her it’s automatic and natural for
her to learn to love that baby to expect
it to come here when she bears the pain
to bring it into the world
your mother Mamie Brown when she came in
to adopt you guys she didn’t go through
that process she looked at whoever your
biological mother was and said I’ll take
her you are giving away less you were
same circumstances same event but
reinterpreted an interpretation that
empowers me am I making sense to you
so when you begin to look at your past
give an interpretation that empowers you
that’s where I used to be that’s not
where I am now I’m growing now I want
you to think about in your mind right
now think about some particular event or
act in your life that you feel very bad
about but you really regret that that
took place if you had to do over again
you would do it differently with that
there I want you to see yourself in your
mind’s eye and say to yourself I love
myself unconditionally and I forgive
myself I knew better I would have done
I want you to think about somebody that
that costs you some pain cost you some
disappointment somebody that you don’t
like let me tell you something about the
mind how it uses you tell you something
super stupid that I’d used to do do you
know for years I hated my mother and my
father whoever they were because they
gave me away as I thought at that point
in time and guess what
I didn’t have any faces for the hatred
because I never saw either one of them
and I said I hate them for that and then
once I forgave them and said it’s okay
had they not given me away I would have
never been blessed to have the mother
that I have who to me is the greatest
mother in the world so the universe and
folds as its you but when I went through
this process saying forgive them I
remember in my mind as I was trying to
picture these people I had two
individuals in my mind standing there
with no faces because I didn’t know how
they look but I released that I let that
luggage go think about somebody that
you’ve heard somebody that you’ve
disappointed either deliberately or
inadvertently or someone that has hurt
you deliberately or inadvertently think
about them somebody that that you really
really when you think about them in the
room turns red
look at them in your mind’s eye and say
I forgive you I forgive you
unconditionally for that’s a heavy load
to let off when I thought about that guy
I said wait a minute I can’t no no you
don’t know what this guy did this was my
mama you don’t know what we went through
my students said les forgive let it go
if you want to be forgiven you better
forgive somebody none of us are perfect
all of us have made some mistakes and it
wasn’t easy it’s not easy forgiving am i
right it’s not everybody won’t forgive
they say I forgive but I don’t forget
now
[Laughter]
let it go so you can grow let’s get a
little demonstration here throw it up on
this side here right demonstrate it like
this let’s go I throw away negative
thoughts revenge guilt
anything that’s been holding me back
not with that right hand let’s bring
something in bring in love peace of mind
good relationships I don’t know why
people raise their voices always say
hold on I mean they get serious – you
know that usually people are you run
into use two hands it
reinterpreting our past understanding
and knowing that we can move from where
we are that we can begin to design the
kind of life that empowers us that gives
us happiness that enable us to be on top
of who we are knowing that as we begin
to explore new horizons and new vistas
in life that as we begin to to focus on
developing ourselves as we begin to
elevate ourselves and not to follow the
crowd activating the thinker in us in
this disciplining and putting on hold
the emotional part of ourselves it’s not
easy but through practice and practice
and practice practice makes what
absolutely not dismantle that belief
system
practice makes improvement you can
always better your best you can always
go beyond anything that you have ever
done you never hit a state of perfection
you’re always bigger than what you do
and so all you’re looking for new
breakthroughs through practice and
practice and practice you’ll get better
and better and better and there’s still
some things that will happen to you that
will catch you on the blindside that you
did not anticipate you get knocked down
but you won’t be knocked out you’ll be
able to get to your feet again beyond
the ropes but you have a fast recovery rate when you work on yourself