[Music]
well I think impossible is not a fact
it’s an opinion when someone tells me
it’s impossible
I always just look at anybody around me
knows that they can’t do this that’s
part of it but if they didn’t know me
it’s your opinion they’ll say no science
shows and I say yeah I know how many
times the science shows something’s
impossible now science shows it’s
possible things are impossible til
somebody does it and so I find that you
know most of your business people you
look at businesses and what does it take
to make a business grow it’s not
impossible like a business grow this has
been shrinking for a long time or it’s
been stuck the real problem is always
the chokehold as always the psychology
and the skills of the leader always an
80% of that as psychology and 20% of the
mechanics like if you don’t know how to
read your financials and you’re trying
to fly the plane of your your company I
mean come on you know if all you do is
go down and you look at profit loss and
you see what it is and you have a beer
either way you either celebrated at the
brass you know something you know you’re
gonna be in trouble right but if you
have the skill sets that’s one thing but
you can get any skill set if you have
the psychology and anytime a business is
not growing it is not because it’s
impossible it’s because they aren’t
innovating and they’re not innovating
because they’re believing it’s
impossible I mean if we all know what
does it take to transform an obviously
oh people it takes three things to
credit breakthrough and anything and
your personal life in your business
anywhere you need a strategy but that’s
not the first place you should look and
it’s the first place all of us look me
too
it’s our inherent thing you want to lose
weight well how do I do it I want to
grow my business how do I do it it’s
it’s instinctively been trained to think
that way but the problem is the how-to
is usually not that complex I’m gonna
come on 70% of America is what 75% of
America now is overweight is that
because it’s so complex how to be fit
and strong right you know only the 1%
know the answer is they hide it from you
you have to work your ass off to not
hear what it takes right
and so so you know I remember I went to
this I went to a TED med center and I
watched about 12 doctors won’t have to
get up and do these stories about how we
could just get patients to take their
medications and try to figure out the
whole thing and I was just looking and
going you’re all talking about strategy
you’ve forgotten psychology because
strategies wonderful I’m a strategist of
my whole life figure out strategy is we
both know a strategy could save you a
decade right and business strategy could
save you you know it could make the
devastating success and failure but most
people have strategies available or they
could get them or you could create them
but the problem is you got a story and
your story is why it isn’t working and
the story is I’ve tried what
but everything if you tried everything
you’d be fit right you tried everything
you’d be profitable if you tried
everything you’d be there but people say
it you know I’m big-boned that’s what I
used to say I’m still big-boned but I’m
38 pounds lighter than I was 25 years
ago and I’ve never gained it back right
I was big-boned that was my story all
the good ones are gone that’s why I’m
not in a relationship or they’re gay and
I’m not or in game they are whatever the
story is there’s always a story and what
I tell people’s you know if you can just
divorce the story of your limitation and
marry the truth of your unlimited
capacity then the whole game changes
beating the self-esteem drum for 50
years
oh no you’re okay you should feel good
about yourself like you’re fine the way
you are it’s like you think well that’s
a calming message for people it’s like
no it’s not it’s not at all and I
watched my audience this is like it’s
full of people in the audience who think
I’m suffering a lot more than I think is
tenable a whole bunch of it’s my fault
my life is not in the order it should be
I know I’m doing 50 things wrong it’s
like what the hell’s wrong with me
what’s wrong with the people around me
this is really serious and some you know
well-meaning person comes up and says oh
you’re okay just the way you are it’s
like no one wants that message it’s like
no I’m not okay the way I am I’m not
okay at all the way I am I know that and
so you know when I’m when I’m speaking
to to when I’m speaking now I say to
people well oh you’re nowhere near what
you could be that’s the that’s the
positive message it’s like yeah you’re a
mess but you don’t have to stay that way
as you’re a mess you know it obviously
you’re suffering away like like so much
you can barely tolerate it it’s like
that’s okay
you can do something about it so yeah
that’s the thing that that turns the
lights on it’s like you do something
about it I started studying people that
did more not people that didn’t do more
not people that said do less not people
that said hey don’t be satisfied or be
satisfied not people that said they’d be
grateful for what you have I started
studying people that said and had done
more that you can do more that’s who I
listen to today I listened to the people
aren’t my friends in my life the people
I listen to the people I talk to the
people that I follow on Facebook or or
or YouTube or Instagram
I don’t follow everybody I follow the
people that say you can do more dude I
follow the people that say I am doing
more I follow the people that are
actually doing something on this planet
to make a difference for the better you
have to be selective you have to give
something up okay you cannot listen to
everybody to every voice to every person
is quit or given up you got to make a
decision if you have that little voice
inside of you that says you can do more
you have to give attention to that voice
and you got to feed it with those that
support that idea that you can do more
it’s a very natural process to begin
something to be very excited and then as
you go down that process to realize yeah
I actually don’t like this it’s not
giving me as much energy as I thought it
would is taking energy away and
therefore I want to give up and quit
that thing and she said if you do that
once or twice like hey so be it but if
you’re doing it every time if you just
love that initial rush that excitement
of something new but the actual
nitty-gritty reality of getting good at
it of doing what Michiyo kaku calls
having but power meaning you’ve set your
butt in the seat and you do the work if
that’s really your problem and nothing
is interesting enough for you to sit
there and do the work you haven’t
developed grit yet and so grit is the
ability to persevere to see things
through to go past the point at which it
has stopped being fun and it becomes
boring because you believe in your end
goal enough you’re excited by what
you’re trying to accomplish so much that
you’re willing to fight through all of
that difficulty you’re willing to fight
through the boredom you’re willing to
fight through
the unease that arises when you step
outside your comfort zone you’re doing
things you’re not good at and things
that are boring those are the two things
that I find killed most people they just
cannot handle the things that make them
go oh god like I’m not very good at this
and I’m feeling really badly about
myself and they forget that they can get
good on a long enough timeline and then
to inevitably in any pursuit of
greatness in any endeavor where you’re
trying to gain mastery you’re gonna get
bored because practice is repetition
it’s doing something over and over and
over and over to really train yourself
to get to the point where you’re truly
exceptional and there’s just so much
bored of inherent in that process so
building in the resilience to see all
that stuff through is the key part of
grit every single morning Monday through
Fridays at 9:00 a.m. I host a live
call-in radio show on Sirius satellite
radio it’s called make it happen with
Mel Robbins and the thing that’s been so
crazy about that show is every single
person that calls me on that show they
call in because they’re feeling stuck in
their lives and they’re resigned about
their ability to change their lives and
I’m not talking about people that are
nuts I’m talking about successful people
like you and me that just somehow got
stuck in their lives and I’m not talking
about people that are looking for cheesy
self-help I’m talking about people that
really want to figure out how to move
themselves forward and you know I find
that so many of us think that our dreams
are unreachable or unrealistic and it’s
just so sad I mean people think that
their dreams disappear and if that’s
what you think congratulations you’re
officially stuck and the truth is that
our dreams are always there and they
don’t ever give up on us we give up on
them but here’s the secret if you just
force yourself and I mean force because
I know damn well none of you want to do
anything about this and I also know
you’re sitting there like yeah the
self-help crap this isn’t for me
but if you just force yourself to take a
couple small steps there’s always a
surprise I kept my job at McKinley and
part-time I started in the financial
services industry and started to build a
team of people and started to get my
licenses and that transition and I
struggled like every
start entrepreneur does I think it’s
like three to five years until you
really get a few clients you know not in
any business I don’t care if it’s
financial services tech dry cleaners
entrepreneurs the first five years is
just full of false starts you get a go
and then you don’t you get it going you
take a step forward you take three back
it’s constant false starts it’s
constantly thinking you have it going
it’s constantly negotiating in your mind
the price you’re paying is it worth that
should I quit should I give in I
constantly I spent the first five years
daily contemplating quitting yeah all
the time because it’s not fun it wasn’t
fun and and even there’s just a part of
you I think and anything you’re doing
when you’re struggling is this really
for me is this my destiny should I be
doing this and we miss Reid failure from
some sign you know is this a sign I
shouldn’t be doing it you know is this a
sign I am you know not cut out for this
instead of looking for signs that you
can win right and so I spent the first
five years literally trying to find ways
to quit trying to find ways to get out
struggling and struggling and struggling
and I went broke I lost a car and the
water turned off in my place I you know
I bought out my first house I ended up
having it foreclosed on eventually so
I’m not that house with the unicorns
that you saw right or my beach place
like that’s all they after people don’t
realize that there were just years and
years of of grinding and struggling and
worrying in the beginning and then then
I made some mental changes and some
ships yeah that altered my life then
again there’s differences and then
there’s there’s not differences so you
know the brain is the same the brain
evolved over the course of millions of
years so I try to make the point that
you know what da Vinci was going through
the process is there’s a template there
and it’s the same because our brains
haven’t really changed in an
evolutionary sense in four or five
hundred years on the other hand the
circumstances are different and people
now live in a world where there’s many
more distractions so it’s harder to do
that kind of focus that I was mentioning
so in some ways it’s a little bit harder
and the people that I’ve interviewed are
really good at shutting out all of the
distractions of the
that’s sort of what separates them every
single one of them Paul Graham you know
Paul Graham Paul doesn’t have a
smartphone yeah he doesn’t spend time on
the Internet
he’s extremely focused the woman yoky
Matsuoka she she does all of her writing
with a pen and paper she’s not sitting
there day in and day out on the computer
checking her Facebook or Twitter page or
whatever I could go through all of them
that way Steve Jobs is sort of the
ultimate icon of mastery of our era and
he said the only thing that’s
differentiated me from everyone else was
my level of focus I could take a problem
and I could focus on it and burrow into
it and everybody else was so distracted
he knew how to close his door get away
from his wife his kids everyone and just
focus so the all of these people have to
overcome the tense distractions in our
world okay and they’re able to do it on
the other hand what you can get with a
click on the internet with a Google
search compared to what da Vinci had to
do or a scientist in the 19th or 20th
century is absolutely astounding so what
you have at your fingertips the
knowledge the things that you can
connect and learn about the potential
for learning skills is out of this world
so if you’re able to overcome the
distracting elements that are its I my
government I compared it to if you ever
watch a basketball game and you see the
opposing team shooting free-throw and
everyone behind him and the stands are
all going like this with those big you
know trying to distract him there’s like
hundreds of people that’s what the world
is like now you’ve got thousands of
people waving those things you’ve got so
many distractions if you’re able to
overcome that and be a person that can
focus you have this like wealth of
information and knowledge and ability to
acquire skills that nobody a hundred
years ago 20 years ago could dream about
you know a lot of these interviews the
question that it’s the worst is people
will say where do you get your ideas
I don’t know where I get him you know
and if I did man would I tell you I mean
Jesus they’ve been good to me all I know
is that I sit down and I turn on the
machine and there’s always that first 10
minutes it’s like smelling a dead fish
or walking into a monkey house and then
something will click a little tiny bit
and that leads to something else and
it’s like until it’s going faster and
faster and then you hit this kind of
escape velocity you’re gone the world
the normal mundane sort of stupid world
where you got to do the breakfast dishes
and you got to make the beds you know
and you got to worry about getting the
kid to the dentist all that’s gone but
there’s a place where you have to walk
away from it because it’s so kind of
addictive they do otherwise you might
just sit there and skip meals and just
being lost in that world you wouldn’t
want to do that because that’s sort of
the way crazy people are in institutions
you know what I’m saying I’m in meetings
a lot my calendar gets very full with
those and then at night after the kids
have gone to bed I’m on email a great
deal I get messages during the day
that’s my chance to give long responses
and then over the weekend I send a lot
of mail as well as well I take two weeks
a year to just go off and read and think
where I’m not interrupted by work or
anything else I’m just solidly trying to
think about the future and people get to
send me things to read as part of that
so-called think week so it’s a nice mix
of things about 25% of the time then I’m
out traveling around meeting with
customers Europe Asia and that sort of
helps me think okay do we have the right
priorities what what are people
responding well to and what would they
they like to see us do better well the
tool is one of the most strongest forms
of power and attracting good things you
know if you truly feel grateful for the
things in your life
I always forget over
the small things I always used to
celebrate the small things now I might
be celebrating the bigger things but I
always celebrate every little good thing
that would happen to me in my life even
before I had any kind of money or any
that I would celebrate and I would feel
grateful for it and it just gave me more
and this is exactly the same thing
that’s happening right now I still
remain grateful and more Combes
all’s continued to change and continue
to get bigger and I think as I as I sort
of reached certain milestones certain
accomplishments you know it only makes
me realize that I need to dream bigger
and I think that same thing for you guys
I think as you really build that
confidence through your career as you
really start start you know building
your career and building your
relationships and seeing your dreams
actually realized you just have to
continue to keep dreaming bigger and
that’s why it’s so important to always
continue learning in my opinion because
there’s always there’s there you’ve
never made it I think we all can always
continue to do let’s do more let’s be
better and bigger goal if you own a
business and I resume a lot of your
viewers are business owners here for
getting started in business no matter
how good you are in business think about
this the one universal rule that idiots
in finance know is diversification if
the only free lunch you’ve got a
diversify because if you put all your
eggs in one basket no matter how good
the basket is one day that real estate
market that stock market that bond
market that collectibles mark whatever
you invest in rate Elliott showed me
statistically it’ll drop 50 to 70
percent on a day now if you’re later in
life and that happens it’s over for you
so you have to diversify yet most people
they know real estate so they do it or
they know stocks they do it or they grew
up with the hand their parents flipping
things and it’s the wrong thing to do so
you’ve got to diversify in order for you
to be able to truly succeed and that’s
why when you want a business yeah if you
put all your money in your business
which is what most of us do naturally
you see a lot of yeah you put all your
eggs in one basket there’s things that
can happen I mean you know you’re let’s
say you spend 20 years and you figured
out how to
together the ultimate map you know and
you remember Garmin came out with this
thing called the TomTom and of your
number used to get on your enough to
remember that you’re poor yeah I just
put on your dash down cost a hundred
bucks it was a breakthrough they’re
making like nine or something oh yeah
yeah six months later what happened the
iPhone came out with a little apps came
out with it put Google Maps with their
own map on here and plus how much zero
what’s it gonna do to your business when
someone takes your product reserved and
gives away for free so I always tell
people competition happens technology
happens what you must do is have a
second business though with no moving
parts no people no time maybe it takes
you two to three days a year for two or
three hours after you’ve read the book
you put it in place and you measure it
two three times a year that’s it yeah go
on with your life now there’s no trouble
in your business you’re financially set
I in my life at thirty-one companies now
we have you know what do we have 1200
employees seven different industries we
do five billion in sales I mean I used
to be you know me and my seminar
business it’s grown geometrically but
with all those moving parts the only way
I’ve been able to succeed is because
I’ve taken everyone those businesses
I’ve diversified my assets so that when
things were in trouble I still have
enough economics figure myself and keep
the business going so everybody needs to
create a money machine that works while
you sleep that doesn’t have moving parts
and that’s what this is really about I
don’t know there’s a lot of negativity
to some degree a lot of grind it just
kind of feels like the grind a little
bit and so I just kind of felt like it
wasn’t a space that I wanted to be in as
much anymore like I I want to be in a
happy space where I’m just doing things
that have bring me joy and yeah it just
it wasn’t doing that as much or I was
noticing it I was noticing I was missing
that or wanting it more I think that’s
really what it comes from is growing as
a person and realizing I think
everybody’s afraid to take chances and
do something new in their life because
they’re identified a certain way or
they’ll be judged if they don’t do it or
judged if they do something different
and who are they now and are they crazy
and what are they thinking and you know
it’s just life just
do things that make you happy I do think
that with an it’s not just in sport but
with with other things I do believe that
the more you repeat certain things
whether it is writing working on your
you know whether it’s cursive letters or
whatever it is like when you work on
something and you keep doing it over and
over it’s inevitable that it will get
better
and by that you’re creating this feeling
of repetition which leads to discipline
like you know you can do it over and
over again and that’s one of my first
one of my first coaches Robert Lansdorp
who I speak about in the book like that
was his philosophy is you I would take a
lesson from him
and his philosophy was just hitting and
grinding and it wasn’t about patterns or
anything which you know as I could get
from somebody else but what he gave me
is that feeling that I could hit the
ball from any part of the court and feel
like I could do it with closed eyes and
make it and know exactly where it’s
going and for me it started at a young
age like my mom would would make me
memorize this Russian literature that I
did not appreciate at five years old it
was very difficult and I didn’t know
what it meant but I would do it and I
would memorize it and then I would feel
that I accomplished something I don’t
know why I don’t know but the repetition
led me to this discipline and and I
think that helps with mindset it’s all
in the mindset when you get up in the
morning you do what you normally do I
would eventually see a lot of you here
probably turn on your cellphone’s your
computers and what’s the latest email
what’s the latest text that comes in you
start your day off like that
that’s your mindset try this get up in
the morning do whatever you have to do
don’t turn the computer on don’t turn
the TV on go right back to bed again
either lay there or sit there and just
bring the universe to you here’s how you
do it you just be it’s virtually
impossible when you first do it because
the thousand thoughts come through your
head we’re human beings so what you do
is your city in bed look at the wall
look at the TV set look at this
stealing look at the door look at
something in the room to get your
attention and just look at it and just
be for a couple minutes not 10 minutes
not 20 minutes not 2 days
just be when your mind wanders find
another spot in the room to look at so
you’re back in present time even for a
couple of minutes now go about your day
don’t think about what you’re gonna do
for that split few minutes
you’re now becoming part of a universe
which is also part of global thinking
Oscar how did you go from being my
assistant to a famous big-time movie
producer just by never taking no for an
answer
kind of following believing I could do
anything which I learned in the nice
dad’s studio alright seriously this guy
would just over and over again I’d never
seen anything like it you just say
you’re smart figure it out you’re smart
figure it out you’re smart figure it out
I don’t care how long it takes just make
it beautiful and that sounded a little
weird at the time because you’re used to
work in a restaurant or being a
landscaper but it’s actually really
empowering and it took me a while to
figure that out
and the more movies I made the more I
realized it didn’t matter it kind of
applies to everything do not cast pearls
before swine and what that means is that
if people are not listening to you stop
talking to them and that’s really that
is the best piece of advice that I can
give you and what happens is is that if
you stop talking to people who aren’t
listening to you and start watching them
instead they will tell you what they’re
up to but so if you have things to say
say them but you find people that will
listen talk to them the ones who aren’t
listening pull back because you’re
you’re devaluing what you have to say by
offering it to an audience that does
nothing but reject it and that’s a good
guideline to life in general so pull
back to many of you in here have ego
around your time when it’s the only
thing you got so the reason I always
know is because I work because I work I
work I try things i test i DM you back i
sweet I’ve work so when your inch you
taste it
and when you’ve done it for 20 years you
see patterns Facebook’s still
underpriced
you just can’t target 22 to 25 year old
african-american fans of football
because other people are doing that too
now it’s just like Google early on you
could just target soccer one word five
cents a click I did it
wine wine wine but then I had to put at
the end of the game now I got to put
2013 you know Heller cellars Zinfandel
like long tail real estate if you’re
right about London
look it’s my favorites do you know what
you understand that somebody once bought
this building for a dollar somebody
bought the land were on for a dollar
once that happened it’s a long time ago
how do you know you’re a practitioner
the reason I do is to how I learned you
got to put up all of you were like well
I can’t do podcasting and Facebook and
Twitter oh but I can’t I can blog but I
can’t why if you want it so bad my thing
is why if you want it so bad why can’t
if you want to have a media company
around Caribbean food culture
why can’t you I want it you know what I
want to see I want to see all your
minutes I want to see all your minutes I
want to give you d-roc for today I want
to watch you from the moment you wake up
to the moment you go to sleep let me
promise you something you’re gonna get
exposed so so that’s why daily be
happened because you guys like a lot of
you didn’t know me before daily be how
many people knew me before dailyvee well
not bad right you got you got to really
know me post dailyvee you heard hard
work and hustle before you were confused
and I’ve been doing that every day for
20 years
fail early fail often fail forward
you know it’s always a little bit
frustrating to me when people have a
negative relationship with failure
failure is a massive part of being able
to be successful you have to get
comfortable with failure yet you have to
actually seek failure failure is where
all of the lessons are you know when you
go to the gym and you work out you’re
actually seeking failure you want to
take your muscles to the point where you
get to failure because that’s where the
the adaptation is that’s where growth is
successful people who fail a lot they
fail a whole lot more than they succeed
but they extract the lessons from the
failure and they use that the the energy
and they use the wisdom to come around
to the next phase of success you got to
take a shot you have to live at the edge
of your capabilities you got to live
where you’re almost certain you’re gonna
fail that’s the reason for a practice
practice is controlled failure you’re
getting to your limit getting to your
limit getting to your limit you can’t
lift that you can’t do that you until
you get to the point that all of a
sudden your body makes the adjustment
and then you can do it failure actually
helps you to recognize the areas where
you need to evolve so fail early fail
often fail forward I hear a lot of guys
saying right now like hey only do the
things you want to do dude I do stuff I
don’t want to do every single day okay
so I don’t know who these people are
that don’t do the things they don’t want
to do maybe they were given a business
or something but I’m gonna tell you
something man if you don’t do the things
you don’t want to do you’re not gonna
grow your business you won’t keep your
business I’m telling you you have to be
willing to do you got to be so obsessed
that you don’t collect care see an
obsessed person doesn’t care if they
have to clean a toilet uh-huh you know
an obsessed person doesn’t care if they
if they don’t like that activity but
they have to do it you’re obsessed
you’re in it you do it anyway no matter
what I remember my mom told me one day
she’s like you know grant I love you
just the way you are because I still I’m
telling her about all these dreams I
have as a
right yeah and I was reminded when my
sister told me like 30 years later you
know grant you’ve done a lot we love you
just the way you are and I’m like dude I
wonder how many times I’ve been told
that you know and and the fact is so
what they love me just the way I am I
don’t I don’t love me just the way I am
which opens up to this whole field of
people that’s like just love yourself
the way you are look if you’re broke
you’re not living on purpose you don’t
like your job you can’t get away from
your job dude if you’re stuck in a house
you don’t like why would you want to
love that you should become obsessed
with hating it man it’s obsessed or
average one of the two so pick just pick
get a t-shirt obsessed or get another
t-shirt average which one would you be
more proud wearing right yeah yeah who
do I want to be man who do I want to be
how do i how do I want to die man I want
to die all in I’m not mr. mentor I’m not
the one who says let’s sit down tell me
how it’s going oh I’m going to tell you
exactly out how I am get off your ass
and get out there and sell something
I mean I’ve never been the okay I need a
mentor you know a lot of people look for
mentors thinking they’re gonna tell me
the shortcut mark you be my mentor you
know the way and they think I’m gonna go
convey some magics here’s the dust go go
go
it doesn’t work that way I still grind
I love the grind if you’re competing on
one of my businesses I’m gonna kick your
ass cuz I’m gonna I’ll grind you right
that’s what being an entrepreneur
they’re an entrepreneur is you’ve got to
get out there and do the work so when it
comes to how do you learn right because
that’s the question how do I learn this
stuff and everybody everybody has got to
go through that process right I read our
I’m in a tech business I’m a media
business the entertainment business I’ve
got to try to prepare myself for all the
Shark Tank businesses I read three hours
plus a day right what everybody else is
getting a suntan or even when I’m
getting a suntan I’ve got I’m online or
I’ve got books I’m reading all I can if
you want to make progress and things I
think that but the the best analytical
framework for us and in the future is
physics
I’d recommend studying the the thinking
process around physics like not just not
the equations I mean the equations
certainly they’re helpful but the the
way of thinking in physics is the that’s
the best framework for understanding
things that are counterintuitive and and
you know always taking the position that
you are some degree wrong and your goal
one of the biggest mistakes people
generally make and I’m guilty of a two
is wishful thinking you know like you
want something to be true even if it
isn’t true
and so you ignore the things that you
ignore the real truth because of what
you want to be true this is a very
difficult trap to avoid and like I said
certainly one that I find myself in
having problems with but if you just
take that approach of your oyster some
degree wrong and your goal is to be less
wrong and and solicit critical feedback
particularly from friends like friends
particularly friends if somebody loves
you they want the best for you they
don’t want to tell you the bad things so
you have to ask them okay you know it
said really I really do want to know and
then they’ll tell you well there’s a ton
of failures along the way that’s for
sure I said as I said for for SpaceX the
first three launches failed and we were
just barely able to scrape together
enough parts and money to do the fourth
launch that both launch should fail who
would have been dead so multiple
families along the way I tried very hard
to get the right expertise in for for
SpaceX I tried hard to to find a great
chief engineer for the rocket but it no
the good Chief Engineers wouldn’t join
and the bad ones will there’s no no
point in hiring them so I ended up being
chief engineer of the rocket so if I
could have found somebody better then we
would have maybe had less than three
failures how do I get over my block of I
am never good enough especially when my
significant other has high expectations
but does not support me in reaching
those expectations okay so we have two
issues so first of all getting over your
block of I’m not good enough for me the
thing that absolutely destroyed all of
that is my unflagging
in one simple thing I can learn anything
so I’m gonna be good at that thing now I
mean really not be good enough like when
I think about building a studio to rival
Disney I’m not good enough yet there’s a
huge chasm and skill set between me and
Bob Iger and being able to do that I
fully understand that and I have to do
something different which just found
this create all the energy whereas Bob
Iger came in wait I mean they’ve been in
business for like 75 years or something
by the time he came along so it is a
really intriguing skill set to be able
to both build and create something scale
it and then run it once it’s big so I
know full well that I am not yet the
person that I need to be in order to do
that and so my time and energy is spent
in building that skill set so I don’t
freak out over the fact that I’m not
good enough that’s very easy for me to
admit I instead spend my time thinking
about how do i acquire those skills in
order to actually become good enough so
don’t let your self-worth be tied up in
that notion of good enough humans are
the ultimate adaptation machine from
that I derive my sort of high level
sense of worth that hey every human
being has worth because they’re an
ultimate adaptation machine and they can
become anything they want that’s just
really cool and amazing and then also I
just am deeply compassionate for the
human condition so yeah regardless of
where people fall on that path of
actually executing against that
potential I get it man being a human is
both beautiful amazing all this
potential it’s really hard so have
compassion for yourself which i think is
incredibly important to know that this
is hard and then believe that you can
become anything that you set your mind
to and then just be honest with yourself
you don’t have to want to be the
greatest in the world so whether you let
somebody else apply those high standards
to you or not is completely your choice
just remember it’s a choice and you’re
not not great because you can’t be
you’re not great because you haven’t
applied yourself to that so that is the
key for me like understanding that my
life is an exact reflection of my
choices is entirely liberating so
remember your life is an exact
reflection of your choices if you want a
different result you simply need to make
a different choice you know I’ve heard a
lot of experts say that fear isn’t real
that is such a bunch of baloney fear is
so
real in fact there are probably things
that you’re afraid of doing right now in
your life in your relationships at work
and the fact that you’re afraid that’s
robbing you of all of the experiences
that you want to have in your life I
mean if you’re afraid to fly that’s
gonna limit your ability to travel and
see the world or go visit friends if
you’re afraid of public speaking that’s
gonna really limit your ability to
express yourself and share your ideas if
you’re afraid of talking to your boss or
asking for a raise that directly impacts
how much money you make or what if you
are dreaming of starting a business or
you’ve already started a new business
but you’re afraid to talk to people and
you’re afraid to share your business
with people I mean fear is something
that stops us all and that’s why I’m
here to talk to you because it doesn’t
have to fear is real but I am gonna
share a secret weapon that I have used
for years to beat every single fear that
used to stop me now first before we get
into the secret weapon I just want to
cover a few facts about fear what it is
what it isn’t and some things that you
may not know about fear so first thing
fear is a physical state in your body
that is exactly the same as excitement
let me say that again fear and
excitement are the exact same physical
state your heart races you might sweat a
little bit
you might feel tightening in your chest
you might feel a pit in your stomach you
have a surge of cortisol it’s basically
the way that your body goes into a hyper
aware state because it’s readying for
action now what’s the difference between
fear and excitement really simple the
only difference between fear and
excitement is what your brain is doing
as your body is all agitated if you’re
excited your brains going oh wow this is
going to be so cool to ride this roller
coaster if you’re afraid your brains
going Oh
no way there’s no way I’m doing that
this is dangerous get out of there don’t
do that it’s saying something different
so what’s critical about understanding
this is that we’re gonna use the fact
that your mind is either working for you
for excitement or against you with fear
to your advantage
I’ll tell you about it in just a minute
how you’re gonna do that second thing I
want you to understand is that you may
have heard the advice feel the fear and
do it anyway you may have heard the
advice oh just try to calm down think
positive thoughts it doesn’t work does
it and there’s a reason why it doesn’t
work so let’s go back to fact number one
when you’re afraid your body’s in a
state of arousal on agitation it your
heart is racing and you’re all like
amped up and you’re hyper aware of
what’s going on and you’re freaking out
a little bit what is it like when you’re
calm it just kind of chilled right you
got like this low arousal state very
very difficult to go from a state of
agitation of being all jacked up and
excited and weirded out uh to a ah kind
of state it doesn’t work it’s like
trying to stop a train by throwing a
boulder on the tracks it’s gonna make
the train jump off the tracks it’s gonna
cause a disaster in fact they’ve proven
in research that when you try to ignore
your fears it actually makes them worse
and they’ve also proven in research the
positive thinking alone also can make
your fears work worse so what do you do
what do you do when you’re about to go
talk to your boss and you feel afraid
what do you do when you have to get on a
plane and you’re actually terrified of
flying
what do you do if you got to give a
presentation and you are afraid of
public speaking here’s what you’re gonna
do you’re gonna use a strategy the same
one that I use that has helped me beat
every single fear and turn me into
somebody that is terrific when it comes
to a high-stress situation this is how
you do it you’re going to use my
five-second rule in combination with
what I call an anchor thought and that
is going to reframe what your mind is
doing so that your mind goes from
feeling agitation
and making you afraid to reframing it
from agitation to excitement it works
like magic now I have used this
technique for years literally for years
and one of the ways that I want to
introduce you to it is I want to take
you backstage I want to take you
backstage to a speech that I delivered
this year and what you’re gonna see is
you’re gonna see me behind you know the
major set I’m about to walk out you can
kind of hear the crowd roaring my
introductory video is playing my body is
in a state of arousal
I am literally my heart is racing my
arms are sweating like it’s like you’re
gonna see this I’m gonna tell you about
it and you’re gonna watch me use this
same technique I’m gonna teach you to
reframe my nerves into excitement I was
believing more I mean I sure did like
but I was doing and I had people and I
couldn’t you know honestly at that time
the $320 because it was so much fun in
people come over hey man you’re good at
this oh thanks because it sure is fun so
I really didn’t I really didn’t know
I guess secretly if I look back I and I
look at my Diaries ever there was hope
underlying but I was still like I need
to go out and get a job and if I can
pursue acting on the side I get it get a
PA job get the storytelling business
behind the camera and and let’s see and
then another funny thing happened at
that first audition when I got out here
was for casting a cream Hank McKay hmm
you know talking about it was for a film
called boys on the side and I went in
read and he goes that’s Jerry did really
good out have you for a callback
sometimes I went off from there I get
called in for a baseball film angels in
the outfield I walk in the door this is
this there’s a bunch of funny peculiar
how the hell I got to be standing here
today I walk in the door was backlit are
neurotic they had a American cap on
because I’m Warner Brothers loud I open
up the door was back late in the
afternoon
producers sitting on the couch he did
you ever play sports in twelve years
please send me the cleaning schedule of
48 48,500 go play baseball for 11 weeks
and Oakland begin I’m going what is this
business but it happened in during that
I got called back to read for herbert
ross for boys on the side and got that
role and so I that that Coen Brothers
film that got pushed that PA job that I
would have taken if it was there never happened and I haven’t pH
well I think impossible is not a fact
it’s an opinion when someone tells me
it’s impossible
I always just look at anybody around me
knows that they can’t do this that’s
part of it but if they didn’t know me
it’s your opinion they’ll say no science
shows and I say yeah I know how many
times the science shows something’s
impossible now science shows it’s
possible things are impossible til
somebody does it and so I find that you
know most of your business people you
look at businesses and what does it take
to make a business grow it’s not
impossible like a business grow this has
been shrinking for a long time or it’s
been stuck the real problem is always
the chokehold as always the psychology
and the skills of the leader always an
80% of that as psychology and 20% of the
mechanics like if you don’t know how to
read your financials and you’re trying
to fly the plane of your your company I
mean come on you know if all you do is
go down and you look at profit loss and
you see what it is and you have a beer
either way you either celebrated at the
brass you know something you know you’re
gonna be in trouble right but if you
have the skill sets that’s one thing but
you can get any skill set if you have
the psychology and anytime a business is
not growing it is not because it’s
impossible it’s because they aren’t
innovating and they’re not innovating
because they’re believing it’s
impossible I mean if we all know what
does it take to transform an obviously
oh people it takes three things to
credit breakthrough and anything and
your personal life in your business
anywhere you need a strategy but that’s
not the first place you should look and
it’s the first place all of us look me
too
it’s our inherent thing you want to lose
weight well how do I do it I want to
grow my business how do I do it it’s
it’s instinctively been trained to think
that way but the problem is the how-to
is usually not that complex I’m gonna
come on 70% of America is what 75% of
America now is overweight is that
because it’s so complex how to be fit
and strong right you know only the 1%
know the answer is they hide it from you
you have to work your ass off to not
hear what it takes right
and so so you know I remember I went to
this I went to a TED med center and I
watched about 12 doctors won’t have to
get up and do these stories about how we
could just get patients to take their
medications and try to figure out the
whole thing and I was just looking and
going you’re all talking about strategy
you’ve forgotten psychology because
strategies wonderful I’m a strategist of
my whole life figure out strategy is we
both know a strategy could save you a
decade right and business strategy could
save you you know it could make the
devastating success and failure but most
people have strategies available or they
could get them or you could create them
but the problem is you got a story and
your story is why it isn’t working and
the story is I’ve tried what
but everything if you tried everything
you’d be fit right you tried everything
you’d be profitable if you tried
everything you’d be there but people say
it you know I’m big-boned that’s what I
used to say I’m still big-boned but I’m
38 pounds lighter than I was 25 years
ago and I’ve never gained it back right
I was big-boned that was my story all
the good ones are gone that’s why I’m
not in a relationship or they’re gay and
I’m not or in game they are whatever the
story is there’s always a story and what
I tell people’s you know if you can just
divorce the story of your limitation and
marry the truth of your unlimited
capacity then the whole game changes
beating the self-esteem drum for 50
years
oh no you’re okay you should feel good
about yourself like you’re fine the way
you are it’s like you think well that’s
a calming message for people it’s like
no it’s not it’s not at all and I
watched my audience this is like it’s
full of people in the audience who think
I’m suffering a lot more than I think is
tenable a whole bunch of it’s my fault
my life is not in the order it should be
I know I’m doing 50 things wrong it’s
like what the hell’s wrong with me
what’s wrong with the people around me
this is really serious and some you know
well-meaning person comes up and says oh
you’re okay just the way you are it’s
like no one wants that message it’s like
no I’m not okay the way I am I’m not
okay at all the way I am I know that and
so you know when I’m when I’m speaking
to to when I’m speaking now I say to
people well oh you’re nowhere near what
you could be that’s the that’s the
positive message it’s like yeah you’re a
mess but you don’t have to stay that way
as you’re a mess you know it obviously
you’re suffering away like like so much
you can barely tolerate it it’s like
that’s okay
you can do something about it so yeah
that’s the thing that that turns the
lights on it’s like you do something
about it I started studying people that
did more not people that didn’t do more
not people that said do less not people
that said hey don’t be satisfied or be
satisfied not people that said they’d be
grateful for what you have I started
studying people that said and had done
more that you can do more that’s who I
listen to today I listened to the people
aren’t my friends in my life the people
I listen to the people I talk to the
people that I follow on Facebook or or
or YouTube or Instagram
I don’t follow everybody I follow the
people that say you can do more dude I
follow the people that say I am doing
more I follow the people that are
actually doing something on this planet
to make a difference for the better you
have to be selective you have to give
something up okay you cannot listen to
everybody to every voice to every person
is quit or given up you got to make a
decision if you have that little voice
inside of you that says you can do more
you have to give attention to that voice
and you got to feed it with those that
support that idea that you can do more
it’s a very natural process to begin
something to be very excited and then as
you go down that process to realize yeah
I actually don’t like this it’s not
giving me as much energy as I thought it
would is taking energy away and
therefore I want to give up and quit
that thing and she said if you do that
once or twice like hey so be it but if
you’re doing it every time if you just
love that initial rush that excitement
of something new but the actual
nitty-gritty reality of getting good at
it of doing what Michiyo kaku calls
having but power meaning you’ve set your
butt in the seat and you do the work if
that’s really your problem and nothing
is interesting enough for you to sit
there and do the work you haven’t
developed grit yet and so grit is the
ability to persevere to see things
through to go past the point at which it
has stopped being fun and it becomes
boring because you believe in your end
goal enough you’re excited by what
you’re trying to accomplish so much that
you’re willing to fight through all of
that difficulty you’re willing to fight
through the boredom you’re willing to
fight through
the unease that arises when you step
outside your comfort zone you’re doing
things you’re not good at and things
that are boring those are the two things
that I find killed most people they just
cannot handle the things that make them
go oh god like I’m not very good at this
and I’m feeling really badly about
myself and they forget that they can get
good on a long enough timeline and then
to inevitably in any pursuit of
greatness in any endeavor where you’re
trying to gain mastery you’re gonna get
bored because practice is repetition
it’s doing something over and over and
over and over to really train yourself
to get to the point where you’re truly
exceptional and there’s just so much
bored of inherent in that process so
building in the resilience to see all
that stuff through is the key part of
grit every single morning Monday through
Fridays at 9:00 a.m. I host a live
call-in radio show on Sirius satellite
radio it’s called make it happen with
Mel Robbins and the thing that’s been so
crazy about that show is every single
person that calls me on that show they
call in because they’re feeling stuck in
their lives and they’re resigned about
their ability to change their lives and
I’m not talking about people that are
nuts I’m talking about successful people
like you and me that just somehow got
stuck in their lives and I’m not talking
about people that are looking for cheesy
self-help I’m talking about people that
really want to figure out how to move
themselves forward and you know I find
that so many of us think that our dreams
are unreachable or unrealistic and it’s
just so sad I mean people think that
their dreams disappear and if that’s
what you think congratulations you’re
officially stuck and the truth is that
our dreams are always there and they
don’t ever give up on us we give up on
them but here’s the secret if you just
force yourself and I mean force because
I know damn well none of you want to do
anything about this and I also know
you’re sitting there like yeah the
self-help crap this isn’t for me
but if you just force yourself to take a
couple small steps there’s always a
surprise I kept my job at McKinley and
part-time I started in the financial
services industry and started to build a
team of people and started to get my
licenses and that transition and I
struggled like every
start entrepreneur does I think it’s
like three to five years until you
really get a few clients you know not in
any business I don’t care if it’s
financial services tech dry cleaners
entrepreneurs the first five years is
just full of false starts you get a go
and then you don’t you get it going you
take a step forward you take three back
it’s constant false starts it’s
constantly thinking you have it going
it’s constantly negotiating in your mind
the price you’re paying is it worth that
should I quit should I give in I
constantly I spent the first five years
daily contemplating quitting yeah all
the time because it’s not fun it wasn’t
fun and and even there’s just a part of
you I think and anything you’re doing
when you’re struggling is this really
for me is this my destiny should I be
doing this and we miss Reid failure from
some sign you know is this a sign I
shouldn’t be doing it you know is this a
sign I am you know not cut out for this
instead of looking for signs that you
can win right and so I spent the first
five years literally trying to find ways
to quit trying to find ways to get out
struggling and struggling and struggling
and I went broke I lost a car and the
water turned off in my place I you know
I bought out my first house I ended up
having it foreclosed on eventually so
I’m not that house with the unicorns
that you saw right or my beach place
like that’s all they after people don’t
realize that there were just years and
years of of grinding and struggling and
worrying in the beginning and then then
I made some mental changes and some
ships yeah that altered my life then
again there’s differences and then
there’s there’s not differences so you
know the brain is the same the brain
evolved over the course of millions of
years so I try to make the point that
you know what da Vinci was going through
the process is there’s a template there
and it’s the same because our brains
haven’t really changed in an
evolutionary sense in four or five
hundred years on the other hand the
circumstances are different and people
now live in a world where there’s many
more distractions so it’s harder to do
that kind of focus that I was mentioning
so in some ways it’s a little bit harder
and the people that I’ve interviewed are
really good at shutting out all of the
distractions of the
that’s sort of what separates them every
single one of them Paul Graham you know
Paul Graham Paul doesn’t have a
smartphone yeah he doesn’t spend time on
the Internet
he’s extremely focused the woman yoky
Matsuoka she she does all of her writing
with a pen and paper she’s not sitting
there day in and day out on the computer
checking her Facebook or Twitter page or
whatever I could go through all of them
that way Steve Jobs is sort of the
ultimate icon of mastery of our era and
he said the only thing that’s
differentiated me from everyone else was
my level of focus I could take a problem
and I could focus on it and burrow into
it and everybody else was so distracted
he knew how to close his door get away
from his wife his kids everyone and just
focus so the all of these people have to
overcome the tense distractions in our
world okay and they’re able to do it on
the other hand what you can get with a
click on the internet with a Google
search compared to what da Vinci had to
do or a scientist in the 19th or 20th
century is absolutely astounding so what
you have at your fingertips the
knowledge the things that you can
connect and learn about the potential
for learning skills is out of this world
so if you’re able to overcome the
distracting elements that are its I my
government I compared it to if you ever
watch a basketball game and you see the
opposing team shooting free-throw and
everyone behind him and the stands are
all going like this with those big you
know trying to distract him there’s like
hundreds of people that’s what the world
is like now you’ve got thousands of
people waving those things you’ve got so
many distractions if you’re able to
overcome that and be a person that can
focus you have this like wealth of
information and knowledge and ability to
acquire skills that nobody a hundred
years ago 20 years ago could dream about
you know a lot of these interviews the
question that it’s the worst is people
will say where do you get your ideas
I don’t know where I get him you know
and if I did man would I tell you I mean
Jesus they’ve been good to me all I know
is that I sit down and I turn on the
machine and there’s always that first 10
minutes it’s like smelling a dead fish
or walking into a monkey house and then
something will click a little tiny bit
and that leads to something else and
it’s like until it’s going faster and
faster and then you hit this kind of
escape velocity you’re gone the world
the normal mundane sort of stupid world
where you got to do the breakfast dishes
and you got to make the beds you know
and you got to worry about getting the
kid to the dentist all that’s gone but
there’s a place where you have to walk
away from it because it’s so kind of
addictive they do otherwise you might
just sit there and skip meals and just
being lost in that world you wouldn’t
want to do that because that’s sort of
the way crazy people are in institutions
you know what I’m saying I’m in meetings
a lot my calendar gets very full with
those and then at night after the kids
have gone to bed I’m on email a great
deal I get messages during the day
that’s my chance to give long responses
and then over the weekend I send a lot
of mail as well as well I take two weeks
a year to just go off and read and think
where I’m not interrupted by work or
anything else I’m just solidly trying to
think about the future and people get to
send me things to read as part of that
so-called think week so it’s a nice mix
of things about 25% of the time then I’m
out traveling around meeting with
customers Europe Asia and that sort of
helps me think okay do we have the right
priorities what what are people
responding well to and what would they
they like to see us do better well the
tool is one of the most strongest forms
of power and attracting good things you
know if you truly feel grateful for the
things in your life
I always forget over
the small things I always used to
celebrate the small things now I might
be celebrating the bigger things but I
always celebrate every little good thing
that would happen to me in my life even
before I had any kind of money or any
that I would celebrate and I would feel
grateful for it and it just gave me more
and this is exactly the same thing
that’s happening right now I still
remain grateful and more Combes
all’s continued to change and continue
to get bigger and I think as I as I sort
of reached certain milestones certain
accomplishments you know it only makes
me realize that I need to dream bigger
and I think that same thing for you guys
I think as you really build that
confidence through your career as you
really start start you know building
your career and building your
relationships and seeing your dreams
actually realized you just have to
continue to keep dreaming bigger and
that’s why it’s so important to always
continue learning in my opinion because
there’s always there’s there you’ve
never made it I think we all can always
continue to do let’s do more let’s be
better and bigger goal if you own a
business and I resume a lot of your
viewers are business owners here for
getting started in business no matter
how good you are in business think about
this the one universal rule that idiots
in finance know is diversification if
the only free lunch you’ve got a
diversify because if you put all your
eggs in one basket no matter how good
the basket is one day that real estate
market that stock market that bond
market that collectibles mark whatever
you invest in rate Elliott showed me
statistically it’ll drop 50 to 70
percent on a day now if you’re later in
life and that happens it’s over for you
so you have to diversify yet most people
they know real estate so they do it or
they know stocks they do it or they grew
up with the hand their parents flipping
things and it’s the wrong thing to do so
you’ve got to diversify in order for you
to be able to truly succeed and that’s
why when you want a business yeah if you
put all your money in your business
which is what most of us do naturally
you see a lot of yeah you put all your
eggs in one basket there’s things that
can happen I mean you know you’re let’s
say you spend 20 years and you figured
out how to
together the ultimate map you know and
you remember Garmin came out with this
thing called the TomTom and of your
number used to get on your enough to
remember that you’re poor yeah I just
put on your dash down cost a hundred
bucks it was a breakthrough they’re
making like nine or something oh yeah
yeah six months later what happened the
iPhone came out with a little apps came
out with it put Google Maps with their
own map on here and plus how much zero
what’s it gonna do to your business when
someone takes your product reserved and
gives away for free so I always tell
people competition happens technology
happens what you must do is have a
second business though with no moving
parts no people no time maybe it takes
you two to three days a year for two or
three hours after you’ve read the book
you put it in place and you measure it
two three times a year that’s it yeah go
on with your life now there’s no trouble
in your business you’re financially set
I in my life at thirty-one companies now
we have you know what do we have 1200
employees seven different industries we
do five billion in sales I mean I used
to be you know me and my seminar
business it’s grown geometrically but
with all those moving parts the only way
I’ve been able to succeed is because
I’ve taken everyone those businesses
I’ve diversified my assets so that when
things were in trouble I still have
enough economics figure myself and keep
the business going so everybody needs to
create a money machine that works while
you sleep that doesn’t have moving parts
and that’s what this is really about I
don’t know there’s a lot of negativity
to some degree a lot of grind it just
kind of feels like the grind a little
bit and so I just kind of felt like it
wasn’t a space that I wanted to be in as
much anymore like I I want to be in a
happy space where I’m just doing things
that have bring me joy and yeah it just
it wasn’t doing that as much or I was
noticing it I was noticing I was missing
that or wanting it more I think that’s
really what it comes from is growing as
a person and realizing I think
everybody’s afraid to take chances and
do something new in their life because
they’re identified a certain way or
they’ll be judged if they don’t do it or
judged if they do something different
and who are they now and are they crazy
and what are they thinking and you know
it’s just life just
do things that make you happy I do think
that with an it’s not just in sport but
with with other things I do believe that
the more you repeat certain things
whether it is writing working on your
you know whether it’s cursive letters or
whatever it is like when you work on
something and you keep doing it over and
over it’s inevitable that it will get
better
and by that you’re creating this feeling
of repetition which leads to discipline
like you know you can do it over and
over again and that’s one of my first
one of my first coaches Robert Lansdorp
who I speak about in the book like that
was his philosophy is you I would take a
lesson from him
and his philosophy was just hitting and
grinding and it wasn’t about patterns or
anything which you know as I could get
from somebody else but what he gave me
is that feeling that I could hit the
ball from any part of the court and feel
like I could do it with closed eyes and
make it and know exactly where it’s
going and for me it started at a young
age like my mom would would make me
memorize this Russian literature that I
did not appreciate at five years old it
was very difficult and I didn’t know
what it meant but I would do it and I
would memorize it and then I would feel
that I accomplished something I don’t
know why I don’t know but the repetition
led me to this discipline and and I
think that helps with mindset it’s all
in the mindset when you get up in the
morning you do what you normally do I
would eventually see a lot of you here
probably turn on your cellphone’s your
computers and what’s the latest email
what’s the latest text that comes in you
start your day off like that
that’s your mindset try this get up in
the morning do whatever you have to do
don’t turn the computer on don’t turn
the TV on go right back to bed again
either lay there or sit there and just
bring the universe to you here’s how you
do it you just be it’s virtually
impossible when you first do it because
the thousand thoughts come through your
head we’re human beings so what you do
is your city in bed look at the wall
look at the TV set look at this
stealing look at the door look at
something in the room to get your
attention and just look at it and just
be for a couple minutes not 10 minutes
not 20 minutes not 2 days
just be when your mind wanders find
another spot in the room to look at so
you’re back in present time even for a
couple of minutes now go about your day
don’t think about what you’re gonna do
for that split few minutes
you’re now becoming part of a universe
which is also part of global thinking
Oscar how did you go from being my
assistant to a famous big-time movie
producer just by never taking no for an
answer
kind of following believing I could do
anything which I learned in the nice
dad’s studio alright seriously this guy
would just over and over again I’d never
seen anything like it you just say
you’re smart figure it out you’re smart
figure it out you’re smart figure it out
I don’t care how long it takes just make
it beautiful and that sounded a little
weird at the time because you’re used to
work in a restaurant or being a
landscaper but it’s actually really
empowering and it took me a while to
figure that out
and the more movies I made the more I
realized it didn’t matter it kind of
applies to everything do not cast pearls
before swine and what that means is that
if people are not listening to you stop
talking to them and that’s really that
is the best piece of advice that I can
give you and what happens is is that if
you stop talking to people who aren’t
listening to you and start watching them
instead they will tell you what they’re
up to but so if you have things to say
say them but you find people that will
listen talk to them the ones who aren’t
listening pull back because you’re
you’re devaluing what you have to say by
offering it to an audience that does
nothing but reject it and that’s a good
guideline to life in general so pull
back to many of you in here have ego
around your time when it’s the only
thing you got so the reason I always
know is because I work because I work I
work I try things i test i DM you back i
sweet I’ve work so when your inch you
taste it
and when you’ve done it for 20 years you
see patterns Facebook’s still
underpriced
you just can’t target 22 to 25 year old
african-american fans of football
because other people are doing that too
now it’s just like Google early on you
could just target soccer one word five
cents a click I did it
wine wine wine but then I had to put at
the end of the game now I got to put
2013 you know Heller cellars Zinfandel
like long tail real estate if you’re
right about London
look it’s my favorites do you know what
you understand that somebody once bought
this building for a dollar somebody
bought the land were on for a dollar
once that happened it’s a long time ago
how do you know you’re a practitioner
the reason I do is to how I learned you
got to put up all of you were like well
I can’t do podcasting and Facebook and
Twitter oh but I can’t I can blog but I
can’t why if you want it so bad my thing
is why if you want it so bad why can’t
if you want to have a media company
around Caribbean food culture
why can’t you I want it you know what I
want to see I want to see all your
minutes I want to see all your minutes I
want to give you d-roc for today I want
to watch you from the moment you wake up
to the moment you go to sleep let me
promise you something you’re gonna get
exposed so so that’s why daily be
happened because you guys like a lot of
you didn’t know me before daily be how
many people knew me before dailyvee well
not bad right you got you got to really
know me post dailyvee you heard hard
work and hustle before you were confused
and I’ve been doing that every day for
20 years
fail early fail often fail forward
you know it’s always a little bit
frustrating to me when people have a
negative relationship with failure
failure is a massive part of being able
to be successful you have to get
comfortable with failure yet you have to
actually seek failure failure is where
all of the lessons are you know when you
go to the gym and you work out you’re
actually seeking failure you want to
take your muscles to the point where you
get to failure because that’s where the
the adaptation is that’s where growth is
successful people who fail a lot they
fail a whole lot more than they succeed
but they extract the lessons from the
failure and they use that the the energy
and they use the wisdom to come around
to the next phase of success you got to
take a shot you have to live at the edge
of your capabilities you got to live
where you’re almost certain you’re gonna
fail that’s the reason for a practice
practice is controlled failure you’re
getting to your limit getting to your
limit getting to your limit you can’t
lift that you can’t do that you until
you get to the point that all of a
sudden your body makes the adjustment
and then you can do it failure actually
helps you to recognize the areas where
you need to evolve so fail early fail
often fail forward I hear a lot of guys
saying right now like hey only do the
things you want to do dude I do stuff I
don’t want to do every single day okay
so I don’t know who these people are
that don’t do the things they don’t want
to do maybe they were given a business
or something but I’m gonna tell you
something man if you don’t do the things
you don’t want to do you’re not gonna
grow your business you won’t keep your
business I’m telling you you have to be
willing to do you got to be so obsessed
that you don’t collect care see an
obsessed person doesn’t care if they
have to clean a toilet uh-huh you know
an obsessed person doesn’t care if they
if they don’t like that activity but
they have to do it you’re obsessed
you’re in it you do it anyway no matter
what I remember my mom told me one day
she’s like you know grant I love you
just the way you are because I still I’m
telling her about all these dreams I
have as a
right yeah and I was reminded when my
sister told me like 30 years later you
know grant you’ve done a lot we love you
just the way you are and I’m like dude I
wonder how many times I’ve been told
that you know and and the fact is so
what they love me just the way I am I
don’t I don’t love me just the way I am
which opens up to this whole field of
people that’s like just love yourself
the way you are look if you’re broke
you’re not living on purpose you don’t
like your job you can’t get away from
your job dude if you’re stuck in a house
you don’t like why would you want to
love that you should become obsessed
with hating it man it’s obsessed or
average one of the two so pick just pick
get a t-shirt obsessed or get another
t-shirt average which one would you be
more proud wearing right yeah yeah who
do I want to be man who do I want to be
how do i how do I want to die man I want
to die all in I’m not mr. mentor I’m not
the one who says let’s sit down tell me
how it’s going oh I’m going to tell you
exactly out how I am get off your ass
and get out there and sell something
I mean I’ve never been the okay I need a
mentor you know a lot of people look for
mentors thinking they’re gonna tell me
the shortcut mark you be my mentor you
know the way and they think I’m gonna go
convey some magics here’s the dust go go
go
it doesn’t work that way I still grind
I love the grind if you’re competing on
one of my businesses I’m gonna kick your
ass cuz I’m gonna I’ll grind you right
that’s what being an entrepreneur
they’re an entrepreneur is you’ve got to
get out there and do the work so when it
comes to how do you learn right because
that’s the question how do I learn this
stuff and everybody everybody has got to
go through that process right I read our
I’m in a tech business I’m a media
business the entertainment business I’ve
got to try to prepare myself for all the
Shark Tank businesses I read three hours
plus a day right what everybody else is
getting a suntan or even when I’m
getting a suntan I’ve got I’m online or
I’ve got books I’m reading all I can if
you want to make progress and things I
think that but the the best analytical
framework for us and in the future is
physics
I’d recommend studying the the thinking
process around physics like not just not
the equations I mean the equations
certainly they’re helpful but the the
way of thinking in physics is the that’s
the best framework for understanding
things that are counterintuitive and and
you know always taking the position that
you are some degree wrong and your goal
one of the biggest mistakes people
generally make and I’m guilty of a two
is wishful thinking you know like you
want something to be true even if it
isn’t true
and so you ignore the things that you
ignore the real truth because of what
you want to be true this is a very
difficult trap to avoid and like I said
certainly one that I find myself in
having problems with but if you just
take that approach of your oyster some
degree wrong and your goal is to be less
wrong and and solicit critical feedback
particularly from friends like friends
particularly friends if somebody loves
you they want the best for you they
don’t want to tell you the bad things so
you have to ask them okay you know it
said really I really do want to know and
then they’ll tell you well there’s a ton
of failures along the way that’s for
sure I said as I said for for SpaceX the
first three launches failed and we were
just barely able to scrape together
enough parts and money to do the fourth
launch that both launch should fail who
would have been dead so multiple
families along the way I tried very hard
to get the right expertise in for for
SpaceX I tried hard to to find a great
chief engineer for the rocket but it no
the good Chief Engineers wouldn’t join
and the bad ones will there’s no no
point in hiring them so I ended up being
chief engineer of the rocket so if I
could have found somebody better then we
would have maybe had less than three
failures how do I get over my block of I
am never good enough especially when my
significant other has high expectations
but does not support me in reaching
those expectations okay so we have two
issues so first of all getting over your
block of I’m not good enough for me the
thing that absolutely destroyed all of
that is my unflagging
in one simple thing I can learn anything
so I’m gonna be good at that thing now I
mean really not be good enough like when
I think about building a studio to rival
Disney I’m not good enough yet there’s a
huge chasm and skill set between me and
Bob Iger and being able to do that I
fully understand that and I have to do
something different which just found
this create all the energy whereas Bob
Iger came in wait I mean they’ve been in
business for like 75 years or something
by the time he came along so it is a
really intriguing skill set to be able
to both build and create something scale
it and then run it once it’s big so I
know full well that I am not yet the
person that I need to be in order to do
that and so my time and energy is spent
in building that skill set so I don’t
freak out over the fact that I’m not
good enough that’s very easy for me to
admit I instead spend my time thinking
about how do i acquire those skills in
order to actually become good enough so
don’t let your self-worth be tied up in
that notion of good enough humans are
the ultimate adaptation machine from
that I derive my sort of high level
sense of worth that hey every human
being has worth because they’re an
ultimate adaptation machine and they can
become anything they want that’s just
really cool and amazing and then also I
just am deeply compassionate for the
human condition so yeah regardless of
where people fall on that path of
actually executing against that
potential I get it man being a human is
both beautiful amazing all this
potential it’s really hard so have
compassion for yourself which i think is
incredibly important to know that this
is hard and then believe that you can
become anything that you set your mind
to and then just be honest with yourself
you don’t have to want to be the
greatest in the world so whether you let
somebody else apply those high standards
to you or not is completely your choice
just remember it’s a choice and you’re
not not great because you can’t be
you’re not great because you haven’t
applied yourself to that so that is the
key for me like understanding that my
life is an exact reflection of my
choices is entirely liberating so
remember your life is an exact
reflection of your choices if you want a
different result you simply need to make
a different choice you know I’ve heard a
lot of experts say that fear isn’t real
that is such a bunch of baloney fear is
so
real in fact there are probably things
that you’re afraid of doing right now in
your life in your relationships at work
and the fact that you’re afraid that’s
robbing you of all of the experiences
that you want to have in your life I
mean if you’re afraid to fly that’s
gonna limit your ability to travel and
see the world or go visit friends if
you’re afraid of public speaking that’s
gonna really limit your ability to
express yourself and share your ideas if
you’re afraid of talking to your boss or
asking for a raise that directly impacts
how much money you make or what if you
are dreaming of starting a business or
you’ve already started a new business
but you’re afraid to talk to people and
you’re afraid to share your business
with people I mean fear is something
that stops us all and that’s why I’m
here to talk to you because it doesn’t
have to fear is real but I am gonna
share a secret weapon that I have used
for years to beat every single fear that
used to stop me now first before we get
into the secret weapon I just want to
cover a few facts about fear what it is
what it isn’t and some things that you
may not know about fear so first thing
fear is a physical state in your body
that is exactly the same as excitement
let me say that again fear and
excitement are the exact same physical
state your heart races you might sweat a
little bit
you might feel tightening in your chest
you might feel a pit in your stomach you
have a surge of cortisol it’s basically
the way that your body goes into a hyper
aware state because it’s readying for
action now what’s the difference between
fear and excitement really simple the
only difference between fear and
excitement is what your brain is doing
as your body is all agitated if you’re
excited your brains going oh wow this is
going to be so cool to ride this roller
coaster if you’re afraid your brains
going Oh
no way there’s no way I’m doing that
this is dangerous get out of there don’t
do that it’s saying something different
so what’s critical about understanding
this is that we’re gonna use the fact
that your mind is either working for you
for excitement or against you with fear
to your advantage
I’ll tell you about it in just a minute
how you’re gonna do that second thing I
want you to understand is that you may
have heard the advice feel the fear and
do it anyway you may have heard the
advice oh just try to calm down think
positive thoughts it doesn’t work does
it and there’s a reason why it doesn’t
work so let’s go back to fact number one
when you’re afraid your body’s in a
state of arousal on agitation it your
heart is racing and you’re all like
amped up and you’re hyper aware of
what’s going on and you’re freaking out
a little bit what is it like when you’re
calm it just kind of chilled right you
got like this low arousal state very
very difficult to go from a state of
agitation of being all jacked up and
excited and weirded out uh to a ah kind
of state it doesn’t work it’s like
trying to stop a train by throwing a
boulder on the tracks it’s gonna make
the train jump off the tracks it’s gonna
cause a disaster in fact they’ve proven
in research that when you try to ignore
your fears it actually makes them worse
and they’ve also proven in research the
positive thinking alone also can make
your fears work worse so what do you do
what do you do when you’re about to go
talk to your boss and you feel afraid
what do you do when you have to get on a
plane and you’re actually terrified of
flying
what do you do if you got to give a
presentation and you are afraid of
public speaking here’s what you’re gonna
do you’re gonna use a strategy the same
one that I use that has helped me beat
every single fear and turn me into
somebody that is terrific when it comes
to a high-stress situation this is how
you do it you’re going to use my
five-second rule in combination with
what I call an anchor thought and that
is going to reframe what your mind is
doing so that your mind goes from
feeling agitation
and making you afraid to reframing it
from agitation to excitement it works
like magic now I have used this
technique for years literally for years
and one of the ways that I want to
introduce you to it is I want to take
you backstage I want to take you
backstage to a speech that I delivered
this year and what you’re gonna see is
you’re gonna see me behind you know the
major set I’m about to walk out you can
kind of hear the crowd roaring my
introductory video is playing my body is
in a state of arousal
I am literally my heart is racing my
arms are sweating like it’s like you’re
gonna see this I’m gonna tell you about
it and you’re gonna watch me use this
same technique I’m gonna teach you to
reframe my nerves into excitement I was
believing more I mean I sure did like
but I was doing and I had people and I
couldn’t you know honestly at that time
the $320 because it was so much fun in
people come over hey man you’re good at
this oh thanks because it sure is fun so
I really didn’t I really didn’t know
I guess secretly if I look back I and I
look at my Diaries ever there was hope
underlying but I was still like I need
to go out and get a job and if I can
pursue acting on the side I get it get a
PA job get the storytelling business
behind the camera and and let’s see and
then another funny thing happened at
that first audition when I got out here
was for casting a cream Hank McKay hmm
you know talking about it was for a film
called boys on the side and I went in
read and he goes that’s Jerry did really
good out have you for a callback
sometimes I went off from there I get
called in for a baseball film angels in
the outfield I walk in the door this is
this there’s a bunch of funny peculiar
how the hell I got to be standing here
today I walk in the door was backlit are
neurotic they had a American cap on
because I’m Warner Brothers loud I open
up the door was back late in the
afternoon
producers sitting on the couch he did
you ever play sports in twelve years
please send me the cleaning schedule of
48 48,500 go play baseball for 11 weeks
and Oakland begin I’m going what is this
business but it happened in during that
I got called back to read for herbert
ross for boys on the side and got that
role and so I that that Coen Brothers
film that got pushed that PA job that I
would have taken if it was there never happened and I haven’t pH
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