hi everyone welcome to another episode
of unlocking lily so I believe that this
world would be a better place if we all
just embrace who we truly are and when
after what we truly wanted which is what
inspired me to do just that to start a
business to help people creat an
extraordinary life based on their terms
Evan is currently an investor and also a
mentor in my business and I’m inviting
all of you guys to join me on my startup
journey the two main things I do for my
business is I’m a coach and a speaker as
a coach I have the amazing opportunity
in helping my clients discover what they
truly value and then taking that in
creating a life and business that they
absolutely love on the speaking side
I’ve spoken at TEDx have spoken at
corporate events and even private
functions and in all revolves around one
theme that is to unlock your potential
now also at the same time I’m trying to
grow myself as a coach and a speaker as
much as possible so far I’ve had the
help of my beautiful mentor at Evan I
read books I’ve done online workshops I
even attended live workshops and
seminars so the next step for me is to
reach out to people who I believe have a
special set of skills and unique
background to really help me grow even
faster as a coach I have the wonderful
opportunity in coaching people from
around the world in fact I have coached
hundreds of entrepreneurs from six
continents that’s amazing I have not
reach out to her to go yet though so
that’s the next goal for me so as a
coach is not only important for me to
understand that complexity of their
business it’s also important for me to
understand their culture that background
there is already a star
so the more I understand people the
better and more effective I can be as a
coach so today I am going to learn from
neurodiversity communication specialists
Tim Goldstein’s Tim is also a speaker a
coach and a trainer he works with
corporations and universities with their
leadership team to understand their
employees better so I learned so many
important lessons during my interview
with Tim how do I pass over those
lessons to you guys to be able to
understand people so that way you can
communicate with anybody now when you’re
communicating with people you’re bound
to come across some communication
hurdles so in this video I am going to
go over what those communication hurdles
are and what you can do about it and
once you overcome those hurdles you are
going to see your relationships get
better you can understand your customers
better and even leave your team in a
more effective way communication hurdle
number one is figuring out people’s
learning styles so their different
learning styles are number one visual
number two auditory and number three is
tactile or kinesthetic just because
you’re visual learner doesn’t mean that
everybody is going to communicate in a
visual way so understanding what
people’s learning styles are is going to
really help you become a better
communicator so this clip Tim is
actually showing me how to better
communicate my meditation practice to
all my coaching clients the way you
would explain it is explain technically
what they are to do don’t talk about
necessarily the sensations or emotions
or feelings that they may or that you
may experience or probably do if you’re
you know if you’re a regular meditator
yeah you do you do you have that whole
different sensation that happens
part of its button in your body part of
its in in your mind yeah the part in
your mind they’ll be able to that tracks
that works for them but you have to
explain it technically what they’re
doing is the example is something like
I’m trying to think of how do I explain
something that would be non-technical as
you’re doing meditating because I’m
coming from a technical standpoint so
the way I could explain it would be
technical yeah
breathe with me this way I’m going to
breathe in a pattern that’s going to be
I’m going to breathe out three counts
and I’ma breathe back in two counts so I
would break it down to very mechanical
motions and then I would help the person
you know I would model it to them so
they can see it and then help them do it
and you know go back through how those
mechanical motions they’re trying to you
know they’re either in sync or no no you
got this one but you’re missing this
mechanical motion at the same time okay
so actually number one demonstrates what
they could see it and then not multiple
modes whenever you can use multiple
modes you’re gonna be a hundred percent
better off demonstration visual is
usually going to be their strongest
processing strength as you saw in the
video
Tim suggested that anytime it’s possible
use multiple modes to explain something
so let’s explore those learning styles
again number one our official number two
our auditory number three of tactile or
kinesthetic so how would you even know
what the person’s learning style is so
you want to pay a very close attention
to the common phrases that they use so
for a visual learner they would use
worth like yeah I see your point
oh I see the picture now what the
auditory learners they’re gonna say yeah
I hear you yeah that rings a bell and
for tactile learners or kinesthetic
learners they feel a lot so this like
yeah I feel you or they would say yeah I
feel it in my gut so once you really get
the understanding of what they’re all
about you could use that to help explain
things better so using the example of my
meditation so for a visual learner
I would illustrate the meditation and do
a visual demonstration for them so that
way they can see before they go in and
do it so I would say okay watch me once
I’m gonna breathe in for three counts
I’m
breathe out for three cones so on and so
forth and now you’re gonna repeat after
me
now for the audio learners that’s not
going to help them as much I would get
them to close their eyes and firmly
articulate my words and what it is that
I’m doing I would say like okay so gonna
breathe in slowly and they’re gonna let
it go breathe in slowly you’re doing
great let it go again and for tactile
learners and kinesthetic learners I
would just get them to do the exercise
right away because they need to feel it
within themselves in order to really
help them understand what it is that’s
going on communication kernel number two
is understanding people’s willingness to
share there are people out there in this
world that would just share everything
and there’s just complete open book
they’ll tell you exactly what they’re
feeling and thinking while others are
little more closed off
they are not gonna share everything
angel pulling and digging to find out
more information from them so in this
clip Tim is being very candid with me
he’s completely honest he’s telling me
exactly what he’s thinking about the way
I’m explaining the meditation practice
he’s basically telling me that I’m
making no sense and I personally prefer
that a lot better because at least I
know what it is that I need to do so
here’s a clip I hope you guys enjoy it
what does you’re gonna let it go let it
go to me I’m gonna do it on Asperger’s
so you say let it go I say okay Latin
okay that means something is gonna
happen you know allow it to happen it
okay we’re talking about what are we
talking about I mean it’s it there’s no
word in front of it it’s pointing to now
okay and then go okay I understand go
but what the heck am i letting go I
think you said gibberish to me okay so
when there’s no context it’s just
they’re just words that’s the part to
always remember is for the most part for
people on the spectrum it’s all just
words it’s literal translations of the
words with no even recognition normally
of the emotional nuances that come with
certain words
combined with poor will say vocal
speaking habits that make those poor
word choices come across even worse
because they’re said in a tone or manner
that seems to be cutting or sarcastic or
arrogant when that’s not how it’s men
it’s this person that’s really just not
comfortable in the situation and they’re
using a word out of the dictionary that
they pulled out because that’s the best
word they could come up with
so understanding people’s willingness to
share can be a little bit tricky at
times because on one side you want
people to be willing to share you want
them to tell you the truth and they will
they will tell you all the truths even
the brutal truths and sometimes it can
hurt your feelings a little bit so the
most important thing that we need to do
is to take it from an objective
perspective and take a step back and
really take what they’re seeing to us as
a way for us to grow and get better and
try not to take anything too personally
and on the other side people who are
more considerate and they’re they’re
more read between the lines kind of
people they sugarcoat things a little
bit so maybe they’re not telling you
everything that you need to hear so it’s
a little bit harder to kind of help them
open up a little bit more so a couple of
things that you need to do number one is
you have to build trust Trust doesn’t
come overnight
it comes a day after day after day so
really making them feel comfortable and
when they do actually tell you something
that they have never told you before try
your best not to react in a terrible way
try not to judge even though the thing
that they are saying
could be completely out of the field in
a might hurt your feelings try not to
react in a certain way also don’t judge
them for the things that they say maybe
they’re telling you about a lifestyle
that they live that you don’t
necessarily agree with but try to not
judge them as much as possible so by
being non-judgmental and not reacting in
a crazy way they’re going to be able to
trust you and open up more and more and
more to you communication hurdle number
three is understand their situation
we’re always working with people from
different walks of life so it’s
absolutely important for us to
understand and appreciate the situation
that they are in you may be working with
someone who is from a different country
than you a person who is from a
different industry or person who has a
condition like Asperger’s so in this
clip Tim explains the difference between
your diversity and your typicals and
tells us that our brains are all wired
very differently so I’m just going to go
real fast kind of through what
neurodiversity is and as I cover this I
think it’s going to give you your answer
as we work our way there but so the idea
of the neuro cloud is that as our brains
are wired in shape different ways we’re
going to act and perceive the world and
process the world in different ways so I
think we all can accept that you know
genetics makes our bodies all different
from each other so why shouldn’t
genetics make our brains a little bit
different from each other we don’t think
of it that way but you know when you
point it out it’s huh most complex is
Oregon I bet you there is some
differences in there what this whole
cloud is representing is just all the
different ways that a person could
perceive and process the world so it’s
kind of a accumulation of every possible
human experience that’s existed when you
look at it you see like in this green
circle area that there’s a whole bunch
of these I call the Aqua or whatever
white blue colors and that’s a huge
group that group is what we call
neurotypical z’ and it’s not that
they’re special it’s just that they’re
the big as a group out there so you got
to make something typical you make
biggest group typical that’s just the
way you normally do
so neurotypicals nothing special about
them they just tend to think in a
particular pattern of ways and that’s
the way most humans tend to me
neuro-diverse is anybody that’s outside
a neurotypical in other words you think
process and perceive the world in a
different way than the neurotypical
perceives processes the world fast story
on that one I get into a kick in what I
eat and I was into this particular
potato bread and we’d go shopping of my
wife and I go to the store and I’d be
looking up and down the aisle trying to
find my potato bread and she’d always
just go right there so year and a half
later you know I’m a guy and I’m kind of
stubborn so your and a half later I
asked her how the heck do you just
always point to it and she goes just see
that orange circle on the end of the
labo I looked for the orange circle
there’s only two brands in the whole
store that have it I’ve been reading the
labels all the time she’d been looking
at this kind of just general pattern
that she could identify quickly very
very different ways of processing and in
this case I hate to admit it but her way
really was far better I’m gonna explain
to two ways one part is what you can’t
do and one part is what you can do
there’s a whole bunch of charts I wish I
had but you know will fake it in general
part of what makes neurotypical
neurotypical is that you depend a huge
amount upon context and emotional cues
to get your information and to make your
points and everybody that’s kind of been
neurotypical kind of you know they kind
of get it and some people aren’t quite
as quick and it’s not saying everybody’s
perfect in here and certainly when you
come from two different cultures there
can be sometimes even cultural ways that
you simply act bi how you beyond how you
speak that would make it look like maybe
they’re different but they’re still
their emotion based a lot of emotion is
going into all of the decisioning status
social thought you know who is this
person in the status if it’s my boss I
got to be careful because you know
that’s the alpha male that can kick me
out
tribe a lot of your processing up here
has emotion mixed into it most of your
processing that you when you get outside
of it has virtually no emotion mixed
into it very much it’s mr. Spock from
from you know Star Trek I like to say
that us and I use this term ASD Lister’s
and I think of it as how you would a
listers right I mean what our Hollywood
a-listers they’re play great they get
the job done but you don’t hire them for
their behavior by any means you hire
them for their abilities well that’s a
lot like people that are on the spectrum
you hire them for their skills not for
their social abilities because they
don’t have them so I like to use this
term a Lister to really say it could be
anybody is that really tech left brain
leaving I don’t really care whether
you’re have a official diagnosis or not
we’re just really saying you’re not in
that group that processes by primarily
or heavily on what emotion you’re a
group that processes with virtually no
emotion so this is where your
communication comes in my guess is
you’re trying to communicate something
that’s not purely factual you’re trying
to communicate some context with emotion
involved in the context the problem is I
I live in a world that’s devoid of that
there’s a word that I can never
pronounce and it’s in Latin and it’s
like a leaf a wreath Vimy or some crazy
Latin word I never took Latin
unfortunately and what it actually
literally means is no word for emotion
so in other words not that there’s not
body sensations in such going on but we
don’t have the ability the way our
brains are wired and shaped but we don’t
have the ability to turn that into a
word that we can then use in our brain
we don’t have that word that says oh oh
that means like watch out for this
person be a little aware of them that’s
what that feeling means so that’s where
part of your difficulty I think is is
when you’re dealing with somebody that
is that very technical geeky you know
left brain reading kind of person
not going to get the emotional content
they will get the facts so what you need
to express is the facts because that’s
how their brain functions now you may be
able to illustrate some of the emotion
if you can find a situation they can
relate to or have been in that has just
even a little bit of what it is you’re
trying to relay but if they have if you
can’t find something where they’ve
experienced you’re basically talking as
if you’re talking color to a person
that’s never seen their entire life they
hear words but it doesn’t mean anything
particularly as you I saw on the video
to me explain that neurotypical who are
basically people like me rely heavily on
emotional context behind our words
whereas people in the newer diverse
community they take the words for the
literal meaning so next time you want to
think about that when you’re
communicating we can’t assume that
everybody knows the context behind your
words or know exactly where you’re
coming from because they may be coming
from a different country that they have
never seen that before so for example
when I first came to Canada I’ve never
seen a computer before my entire life
and I was in my computer class and the
teacher told me to pick up the mouse and
move it over to the file tab and I had
zero idea what she was talking about
because I have never used a computer in
my life I was so incredibly embarrassed
Schism I didn’t know what the common
knowledge was in Canada in addition to
that I just didn’t want to tell anybody
because again I was really embarrassed
so I’m sitting there nervous and
petrified and panicking and sweating
sweating like crazy in my computer class
and while everybody was just doing
things perfectly so beside me there was
a girl named Andrea I remember her name
and she leaned over she saw that I
wasn’t really getting it and she
whispered to me so no one else could
hear
this is a mouse because it looks like a
mouse if you move it you’re able to
select the cursor on the file tab got it
and I felt so much better because number
one
she didn’t judge me for the fact that I
didn’t know what a common language was
number two is she’s whispered it without
weighing nobody else her because she
knew I was embarrassed about it and she
was completely wonderful about it
and sometimes I wish I still had contact
with her because I would love to thank
her for making such a huge difference in
my life so that’s a thank you guys you
have to make sure that you don’t judge
them for not knowing and number two is
maybe you want to use some whispering
techniques so that way not everybody can
hear because the immediate thought is
that they’re embarrassed that they don’t
know something and and you know what in
the end we’re all in this together
so I talked a lot about fragrant
different learning styles understanding
different situation people from and
their willingness to share but the main
message is this the reason why we want
to identify the differences is so that
we can help each other out in the end
we’re all in this together
so I want to share my last clip with him
as he and I discuss how we can all help
each other out and support each other
enjoy what is that little cap like
little colorful cap behind you what’s
the story behind that well you know it’s
it’s obviously a full geek propeller
beanie that is to make you know
everybody happy it’s made in America
comes from San Diego it’s they’re really
nice so if you want a really good geek
at you know I can tell you where I get
the way it came about was when I first
started into this after being diagnosed
I basically would not talk about
Asperger’s or autism now I had no
problem talking about being geeky and I
recognized the issues and challenges I
had because of what I now found this you
know the syndrome that I’ve had in my
twin arrow entire life and now I have a
name for why it works
but most of the other people they worked
with didn’t and at that point I didn’t
want to identify myself out on the
internet and in posts and stuff is being
you know on the spectrum you know I
guess it’s one of those things if
somebody tells you you know you’ve got
you know X Y Z it only takes a little
while before you’re ready to go tell the
rest of the world about it so I always
talked about it in the town context of
of geeks or nerds or that technical
brain type it became a kind of a symbol
for a geeks guide to interviews which is
the book that I wrote for the geeky type
of how to get through that soft side of
the interview so that’s how the prop
came about is uh you know it’s it’s the
I think the International symbol of
geekiness and it was my segue into
finally getting up the the nerve to
stand in front of an audience and say
I’m not like you
I have Asperger’s that’s a hard thing to
do I think for anybody I can I can
relate there I I stood up on the TEDx
stage a couple of months ago and I told
people that there was a time that I
wanted to get hit by a bus quite
literally I did because I just didn’t
feel like life was worth living and
there’s this huge amount of
vulnerability that comes with that but
also a huge amount of pride that comes
with it too because now you know I’m
proud that I went through that and I
have gone I’ve come out the other side
and now I could help other people right
I think that’s there’s you’ve got two
things in there that you said that I’ve
got to comment on is one if you don’t go
through it you can’t help other people
because you’ve got accepted as that’s
who you are
and secondly I think we need to be
helping each other with getting through
that kind of stuff I mean we tend to
have a culture where particularly you
know you’re talking a mental health
issue I’m talking about a mental health
issue as you say it’s it’s not in our
culture real common if we can just walk
up to a friend and say you know you you
thinking okay there
but it’s certainly fine to walk up to
him after the weekend ago and you
feeling okay you’re not looking you know
I’m with you first I think yes you have
to go through it so that you can stand
there and look at it objectively because
it’s not objective till you’re living it
yeah and then I think we gotta go out
and help all those people that are
afraid to do it because I mean I was
afraid for a long time you know to be
honest with you it hurt my career where
my career big you know to go and post
all over the internet that I you know
I’m on the spectrum cool let’s hire like
let’s go hire this nutty developer look
what came out of it I you know
phenomenal things are coming out of it
it just blows me away as I get emails
from from people around the world of you
know whatever I mean I mean one was for
a gentleman it was noodle a.cian and
said I saw the thing you did it was
wonderful thank you so much for sharing
he told me a little bit about himself
and he was from Belgium you know got
another person who reached out from
Canada I mean you just get these emails
from all around of people saying I never
understood that nobody’s ever explained
clearly that it’s that different that
it’s like two aliens talking and you
need to negotiate how you’re even going
to talk because otherwise we’re going to
fall into well you know using a rodent
to move something on the computer
exactly I mean if we don’t define it
ahead of time then that’s what happens
every time and I’m a social shadow for
Emmanuel Garcia Emmanuel thank you so
much for writing the sweet comment in my
last episode and I do want you to know
that your support means the world to me
finally the question of the day is what
is your biggest takeaway from this video
write in the comments below and I’ll be
sure to join in on this
thank you guys so much for watching and
more importantly being on this journey
with me I feel like I’m learning and
growing and I feel that comfort in
knowing that you guys are there with me
every step of the way
so thank you so much again I’ll see you
guys very very soon all right give me
the 11.1 will this volume you know the
most important word ever
if you had to think of one word that’s
most important to you or that sums you
Apple that would be like a little beacon
hey believe nation if you want to know
what the most important one word is for
Tony Robbins Gary Vaynerchuk Oprah
Winfrey will.i.am and Howard Schultz I
have a very special secret video for you
check the description for details
of unlocking lily so I believe that this
world would be a better place if we all
just embrace who we truly are and when
after what we truly wanted which is what
inspired me to do just that to start a
business to help people creat an
extraordinary life based on their terms
Evan is currently an investor and also a
mentor in my business and I’m inviting
all of you guys to join me on my startup
journey the two main things I do for my
business is I’m a coach and a speaker as
a coach I have the amazing opportunity
in helping my clients discover what they
truly value and then taking that in
creating a life and business that they
absolutely love on the speaking side
I’ve spoken at TEDx have spoken at
corporate events and even private
functions and in all revolves around one
theme that is to unlock your potential
now also at the same time I’m trying to
grow myself as a coach and a speaker as
much as possible so far I’ve had the
help of my beautiful mentor at Evan I
read books I’ve done online workshops I
even attended live workshops and
seminars so the next step for me is to
reach out to people who I believe have a
special set of skills and unique
background to really help me grow even
faster as a coach I have the wonderful
opportunity in coaching people from
around the world in fact I have coached
hundreds of entrepreneurs from six
continents that’s amazing I have not
reach out to her to go yet though so
that’s the next goal for me so as a
coach is not only important for me to
understand that complexity of their
business it’s also important for me to
understand their culture that background
there is already a star
so the more I understand people the
better and more effective I can be as a
coach so today I am going to learn from
neurodiversity communication specialists
Tim Goldstein’s Tim is also a speaker a
coach and a trainer he works with
corporations and universities with their
leadership team to understand their
employees better so I learned so many
important lessons during my interview
with Tim how do I pass over those
lessons to you guys to be able to
understand people so that way you can
communicate with anybody now when you’re
communicating with people you’re bound
to come across some communication
hurdles so in this video I am going to
go over what those communication hurdles
are and what you can do about it and
once you overcome those hurdles you are
going to see your relationships get
better you can understand your customers
better and even leave your team in a
more effective way communication hurdle
number one is figuring out people’s
learning styles so their different
learning styles are number one visual
number two auditory and number three is
tactile or kinesthetic just because
you’re visual learner doesn’t mean that
everybody is going to communicate in a
visual way so understanding what
people’s learning styles are is going to
really help you become a better
communicator so this clip Tim is
actually showing me how to better
communicate my meditation practice to
all my coaching clients the way you
would explain it is explain technically
what they are to do don’t talk about
necessarily the sensations or emotions
or feelings that they may or that you
may experience or probably do if you’re
you know if you’re a regular meditator
yeah you do you do you have that whole
different sensation that happens
part of its button in your body part of
its in in your mind yeah the part in
your mind they’ll be able to that tracks
that works for them but you have to
explain it technically what they’re
doing is the example is something like
I’m trying to think of how do I explain
something that would be non-technical as
you’re doing meditating because I’m
coming from a technical standpoint so
the way I could explain it would be
technical yeah
breathe with me this way I’m going to
breathe in a pattern that’s going to be
I’m going to breathe out three counts
and I’ma breathe back in two counts so I
would break it down to very mechanical
motions and then I would help the person
you know I would model it to them so
they can see it and then help them do it
and you know go back through how those
mechanical motions they’re trying to you
know they’re either in sync or no no you
got this one but you’re missing this
mechanical motion at the same time okay
so actually number one demonstrates what
they could see it and then not multiple
modes whenever you can use multiple
modes you’re gonna be a hundred percent
better off demonstration visual is
usually going to be their strongest
processing strength as you saw in the
video
Tim suggested that anytime it’s possible
use multiple modes to explain something
so let’s explore those learning styles
again number one our official number two
our auditory number three of tactile or
kinesthetic so how would you even know
what the person’s learning style is so
you want to pay a very close attention
to the common phrases that they use so
for a visual learner they would use
worth like yeah I see your point
oh I see the picture now what the
auditory learners they’re gonna say yeah
I hear you yeah that rings a bell and
for tactile learners or kinesthetic
learners they feel a lot so this like
yeah I feel you or they would say yeah I
feel it in my gut so once you really get
the understanding of what they’re all
about you could use that to help explain
things better so using the example of my
meditation so for a visual learner
I would illustrate the meditation and do
a visual demonstration for them so that
way they can see before they go in and
do it so I would say okay watch me once
I’m gonna breathe in for three counts
I’m
breathe out for three cones so on and so
forth and now you’re gonna repeat after
me
now for the audio learners that’s not
going to help them as much I would get
them to close their eyes and firmly
articulate my words and what it is that
I’m doing I would say like okay so gonna
breathe in slowly and they’re gonna let
it go breathe in slowly you’re doing
great let it go again and for tactile
learners and kinesthetic learners I
would just get them to do the exercise
right away because they need to feel it
within themselves in order to really
help them understand what it is that’s
going on communication kernel number two
is understanding people’s willingness to
share there are people out there in this
world that would just share everything
and there’s just complete open book
they’ll tell you exactly what they’re
feeling and thinking while others are
little more closed off
they are not gonna share everything
angel pulling and digging to find out
more information from them so in this
clip Tim is being very candid with me
he’s completely honest he’s telling me
exactly what he’s thinking about the way
I’m explaining the meditation practice
he’s basically telling me that I’m
making no sense and I personally prefer
that a lot better because at least I
know what it is that I need to do so
here’s a clip I hope you guys enjoy it
what does you’re gonna let it go let it
go to me I’m gonna do it on Asperger’s
so you say let it go I say okay Latin
okay that means something is gonna
happen you know allow it to happen it
okay we’re talking about what are we
talking about I mean it’s it there’s no
word in front of it it’s pointing to now
okay and then go okay I understand go
but what the heck am i letting go I
think you said gibberish to me okay so
when there’s no context it’s just
they’re just words that’s the part to
always remember is for the most part for
people on the spectrum it’s all just
words it’s literal translations of the
words with no even recognition normally
of the emotional nuances that come with
certain words
combined with poor will say vocal
speaking habits that make those poor
word choices come across even worse
because they’re said in a tone or manner
that seems to be cutting or sarcastic or
arrogant when that’s not how it’s men
it’s this person that’s really just not
comfortable in the situation and they’re
using a word out of the dictionary that
they pulled out because that’s the best
word they could come up with
so understanding people’s willingness to
share can be a little bit tricky at
times because on one side you want
people to be willing to share you want
them to tell you the truth and they will
they will tell you all the truths even
the brutal truths and sometimes it can
hurt your feelings a little bit so the
most important thing that we need to do
is to take it from an objective
perspective and take a step back and
really take what they’re seeing to us as
a way for us to grow and get better and
try not to take anything too personally
and on the other side people who are
more considerate and they’re they’re
more read between the lines kind of
people they sugarcoat things a little
bit so maybe they’re not telling you
everything that you need to hear so it’s
a little bit harder to kind of help them
open up a little bit more so a couple of
things that you need to do number one is
you have to build trust Trust doesn’t
come overnight
it comes a day after day after day so
really making them feel comfortable and
when they do actually tell you something
that they have never told you before try
your best not to react in a terrible way
try not to judge even though the thing
that they are saying
could be completely out of the field in
a might hurt your feelings try not to
react in a certain way also don’t judge
them for the things that they say maybe
they’re telling you about a lifestyle
that they live that you don’t
necessarily agree with but try to not
judge them as much as possible so by
being non-judgmental and not reacting in
a crazy way they’re going to be able to
trust you and open up more and more and
more to you communication hurdle number
three is understand their situation
we’re always working with people from
different walks of life so it’s
absolutely important for us to
understand and appreciate the situation
that they are in you may be working with
someone who is from a different country
than you a person who is from a
different industry or person who has a
condition like Asperger’s so in this
clip Tim explains the difference between
your diversity and your typicals and
tells us that our brains are all wired
very differently so I’m just going to go
real fast kind of through what
neurodiversity is and as I cover this I
think it’s going to give you your answer
as we work our way there but so the idea
of the neuro cloud is that as our brains
are wired in shape different ways we’re
going to act and perceive the world and
process the world in different ways so I
think we all can accept that you know
genetics makes our bodies all different
from each other so why shouldn’t
genetics make our brains a little bit
different from each other we don’t think
of it that way but you know when you
point it out it’s huh most complex is
Oregon I bet you there is some
differences in there what this whole
cloud is representing is just all the
different ways that a person could
perceive and process the world so it’s
kind of a accumulation of every possible
human experience that’s existed when you
look at it you see like in this green
circle area that there’s a whole bunch
of these I call the Aqua or whatever
white blue colors and that’s a huge
group that group is what we call
neurotypical z’ and it’s not that
they’re special it’s just that they’re
the big as a group out there so you got
to make something typical you make
biggest group typical that’s just the
way you normally do
so neurotypicals nothing special about
them they just tend to think in a
particular pattern of ways and that’s
the way most humans tend to me
neuro-diverse is anybody that’s outside
a neurotypical in other words you think
process and perceive the world in a
different way than the neurotypical
perceives processes the world fast story
on that one I get into a kick in what I
eat and I was into this particular
potato bread and we’d go shopping of my
wife and I go to the store and I’d be
looking up and down the aisle trying to
find my potato bread and she’d always
just go right there so year and a half
later you know I’m a guy and I’m kind of
stubborn so your and a half later I
asked her how the heck do you just
always point to it and she goes just see
that orange circle on the end of the
labo I looked for the orange circle
there’s only two brands in the whole
store that have it I’ve been reading the
labels all the time she’d been looking
at this kind of just general pattern
that she could identify quickly very
very different ways of processing and in
this case I hate to admit it but her way
really was far better I’m gonna explain
to two ways one part is what you can’t
do and one part is what you can do
there’s a whole bunch of charts I wish I
had but you know will fake it in general
part of what makes neurotypical
neurotypical is that you depend a huge
amount upon context and emotional cues
to get your information and to make your
points and everybody that’s kind of been
neurotypical kind of you know they kind
of get it and some people aren’t quite
as quick and it’s not saying everybody’s
perfect in here and certainly when you
come from two different cultures there
can be sometimes even cultural ways that
you simply act bi how you beyond how you
speak that would make it look like maybe
they’re different but they’re still
their emotion based a lot of emotion is
going into all of the decisioning status
social thought you know who is this
person in the status if it’s my boss I
got to be careful because you know
that’s the alpha male that can kick me
out
tribe a lot of your processing up here
has emotion mixed into it most of your
processing that you when you get outside
of it has virtually no emotion mixed
into it very much it’s mr. Spock from
from you know Star Trek I like to say
that us and I use this term ASD Lister’s
and I think of it as how you would a
listers right I mean what our Hollywood
a-listers they’re play great they get
the job done but you don’t hire them for
their behavior by any means you hire
them for their abilities well that’s a
lot like people that are on the spectrum
you hire them for their skills not for
their social abilities because they
don’t have them so I like to use this
term a Lister to really say it could be
anybody is that really tech left brain
leaving I don’t really care whether
you’re have a official diagnosis or not
we’re just really saying you’re not in
that group that processes by primarily
or heavily on what emotion you’re a
group that processes with virtually no
emotion so this is where your
communication comes in my guess is
you’re trying to communicate something
that’s not purely factual you’re trying
to communicate some context with emotion
involved in the context the problem is I
I live in a world that’s devoid of that
there’s a word that I can never
pronounce and it’s in Latin and it’s
like a leaf a wreath Vimy or some crazy
Latin word I never took Latin
unfortunately and what it actually
literally means is no word for emotion
so in other words not that there’s not
body sensations in such going on but we
don’t have the ability the way our
brains are wired and shaped but we don’t
have the ability to turn that into a
word that we can then use in our brain
we don’t have that word that says oh oh
that means like watch out for this
person be a little aware of them that’s
what that feeling means so that’s where
part of your difficulty I think is is
when you’re dealing with somebody that
is that very technical geeky you know
left brain reading kind of person
not going to get the emotional content
they will get the facts so what you need
to express is the facts because that’s
how their brain functions now you may be
able to illustrate some of the emotion
if you can find a situation they can
relate to or have been in that has just
even a little bit of what it is you’re
trying to relay but if they have if you
can’t find something where they’ve
experienced you’re basically talking as
if you’re talking color to a person
that’s never seen their entire life they
hear words but it doesn’t mean anything
particularly as you I saw on the video
to me explain that neurotypical who are
basically people like me rely heavily on
emotional context behind our words
whereas people in the newer diverse
community they take the words for the
literal meaning so next time you want to
think about that when you’re
communicating we can’t assume that
everybody knows the context behind your
words or know exactly where you’re
coming from because they may be coming
from a different country that they have
never seen that before so for example
when I first came to Canada I’ve never
seen a computer before my entire life
and I was in my computer class and the
teacher told me to pick up the mouse and
move it over to the file tab and I had
zero idea what she was talking about
because I have never used a computer in
my life I was so incredibly embarrassed
Schism I didn’t know what the common
knowledge was in Canada in addition to
that I just didn’t want to tell anybody
because again I was really embarrassed
so I’m sitting there nervous and
petrified and panicking and sweating
sweating like crazy in my computer class
and while everybody was just doing
things perfectly so beside me there was
a girl named Andrea I remember her name
and she leaned over she saw that I
wasn’t really getting it and she
whispered to me so no one else could
hear
this is a mouse because it looks like a
mouse if you move it you’re able to
select the cursor on the file tab got it
and I felt so much better because number
one
she didn’t judge me for the fact that I
didn’t know what a common language was
number two is she’s whispered it without
weighing nobody else her because she
knew I was embarrassed about it and she
was completely wonderful about it
and sometimes I wish I still had contact
with her because I would love to thank
her for making such a huge difference in
my life so that’s a thank you guys you
have to make sure that you don’t judge
them for not knowing and number two is
maybe you want to use some whispering
techniques so that way not everybody can
hear because the immediate thought is
that they’re embarrassed that they don’t
know something and and you know what in
the end we’re all in this together
so I talked a lot about fragrant
different learning styles understanding
different situation people from and
their willingness to share but the main
message is this the reason why we want
to identify the differences is so that
we can help each other out in the end
we’re all in this together
so I want to share my last clip with him
as he and I discuss how we can all help
each other out and support each other
enjoy what is that little cap like
little colorful cap behind you what’s
the story behind that well you know it’s
it’s obviously a full geek propeller
beanie that is to make you know
everybody happy it’s made in America
comes from San Diego it’s they’re really
nice so if you want a really good geek
at you know I can tell you where I get
the way it came about was when I first
started into this after being diagnosed
I basically would not talk about
Asperger’s or autism now I had no
problem talking about being geeky and I
recognized the issues and challenges I
had because of what I now found this you
know the syndrome that I’ve had in my
twin arrow entire life and now I have a
name for why it works
but most of the other people they worked
with didn’t and at that point I didn’t
want to identify myself out on the
internet and in posts and stuff is being
you know on the spectrum you know I
guess it’s one of those things if
somebody tells you you know you’ve got
you know X Y Z it only takes a little
while before you’re ready to go tell the
rest of the world about it so I always
talked about it in the town context of
of geeks or nerds or that technical
brain type it became a kind of a symbol
for a geeks guide to interviews which is
the book that I wrote for the geeky type
of how to get through that soft side of
the interview so that’s how the prop
came about is uh you know it’s it’s the
I think the International symbol of
geekiness and it was my segue into
finally getting up the the nerve to
stand in front of an audience and say
I’m not like you
I have Asperger’s that’s a hard thing to
do I think for anybody I can I can
relate there I I stood up on the TEDx
stage a couple of months ago and I told
people that there was a time that I
wanted to get hit by a bus quite
literally I did because I just didn’t
feel like life was worth living and
there’s this huge amount of
vulnerability that comes with that but
also a huge amount of pride that comes
with it too because now you know I’m
proud that I went through that and I
have gone I’ve come out the other side
and now I could help other people right
I think that’s there’s you’ve got two
things in there that you said that I’ve
got to comment on is one if you don’t go
through it you can’t help other people
because you’ve got accepted as that’s
who you are
and secondly I think we need to be
helping each other with getting through
that kind of stuff I mean we tend to
have a culture where particularly you
know you’re talking a mental health
issue I’m talking about a mental health
issue as you say it’s it’s not in our
culture real common if we can just walk
up to a friend and say you know you you
thinking okay there
but it’s certainly fine to walk up to
him after the weekend ago and you
feeling okay you’re not looking you know
I’m with you first I think yes you have
to go through it so that you can stand
there and look at it objectively because
it’s not objective till you’re living it
yeah and then I think we gotta go out
and help all those people that are
afraid to do it because I mean I was
afraid for a long time you know to be
honest with you it hurt my career where
my career big you know to go and post
all over the internet that I you know
I’m on the spectrum cool let’s hire like
let’s go hire this nutty developer look
what came out of it I you know
phenomenal things are coming out of it
it just blows me away as I get emails
from from people around the world of you
know whatever I mean I mean one was for
a gentleman it was noodle a.cian and
said I saw the thing you did it was
wonderful thank you so much for sharing
he told me a little bit about himself
and he was from Belgium you know got
another person who reached out from
Canada I mean you just get these emails
from all around of people saying I never
understood that nobody’s ever explained
clearly that it’s that different that
it’s like two aliens talking and you
need to negotiate how you’re even going
to talk because otherwise we’re going to
fall into well you know using a rodent
to move something on the computer
exactly I mean if we don’t define it
ahead of time then that’s what happens
every time and I’m a social shadow for
Emmanuel Garcia Emmanuel thank you so
much for writing the sweet comment in my
last episode and I do want you to know
that your support means the world to me
finally the question of the day is what
is your biggest takeaway from this video
write in the comments below and I’ll be
sure to join in on this
thank you guys so much for watching and
more importantly being on this journey
with me I feel like I’m learning and
growing and I feel that comfort in
knowing that you guys are there with me
every step of the way
so thank you so much again I’ll see you
guys very very soon all right give me
the 11.1 will this volume you know the
most important word ever
if you had to think of one word that’s
most important to you or that sums you
Apple that would be like a little beacon
hey believe nation if you want to know
what the most important one word is for
Tony Robbins Gary Vaynerchuk Oprah
Winfrey will.i.am and Howard Schultz I
have a very special secret video for you
check the description for details
Please follow and like us: