I quit school at ninth grade I great
marks I was a smart kid but I didn’t
care they didn’t want teaching what I
want I didn’t give you it’s important in
life if you don’t give it it can help
you a lot I’m an entertainer first and
foremost but there’s art involved here
and an artist has an obligation to be on
route to be going somewhere there’s a
journey involved the verge of failure
that were on is because two wonderful
qualities that made us a successful
species cooperation and competition a
way out of balance we decided to quit
radio because we’ll go to Hollywood it’d
become stars
he was an American comedian actor social
critic and author he’s widely regarded
as one of the most important and
influential stand-up comedians of all
time he was known for his black comedy
and his thoughts on psychology politics
religion and various taboo subjects he’s
George Carlin and here’s my take on his
top ten rules for success rule number
one is my personal favorite and I’m
curious to figure out which one you guys
like the best also as George is talking
if he says something really meaningful
to you really moving their inspiring try
to copy and paste it into the comments
below and put quotes around it so other
people can be inspired as well I was a
victim of my own success and I did some
ed Sullivan’s I hate on those Ed
Sullivan shows I began to realize not
just there everywhere all these shows I
didn’t fit and here’s what I was missing
I was missing who I was I began with a
dream of being Danny Kaye which is a
very mainstream dream it’s very Middle
America it’s a people pleaser job and I
dreamed a path that was traditional
comedian a disc jockey comedian actor
big success a mainstream dream meanwhile
what I really was was an outlaw and a
rebel because I had lived there they got
that kind of life I got kicked out of
three different schools I got kicked out
of the Air Force I got kicked out of the
choir I got kicked out of the altar boys
and kicked out a customer camp I got
kicked out of the Boy Scouts and I quit
school at ninth grade a great marks I
was
smart kid but I didn’t care they didn’t
want teaching what I want I didn’t give
you it’s important in life if you don’t
give it it can help you a lot so I
didn’t give it and I was this kind of I
was a pot smoker when I was 13 we broke
the law we broke into cars we broke into
offices we broke into Columbia
University we broke into stores we did
all sorts of unlawful things and I was
that kind of person I was one who swam
against the tide of what is expected and
what is but the establishment wants from
us but I didn’t know that about myself
because his dream blinded me this dream
was about America about the path then we
all follow the middle of the road middle
class America mainstream will dream and
being Wayne while I’m sitting there like
this you know those people that look at
this stupid no I don’t want to be in the
Bunny number can I get out of the bunny
number please I don’t want to put on the
uniform you know and and and I didn’t
know this dissonance was inside me and
in the period this is happening all
through the 60s the counterculture was
forming the Free Speech Movement started
in Berkeley the hippies were growing
into a force and peace love power blow
flower power pot smoke and anti
authorities he’d been gaming
anti-authority Pro over the
establishment burned down the math
building Wow ding ding ding ding ding
ding ding
so I gravitated toward that because I
was that person really and and the
people I hung around with were that way
the musicians I knew in the late 50s had
gone through that transition suddenly
they look different and their music
change and I’m listening to people like
the Buffalo Springfield I listen to Bob
Dylan listen these people in there I
realize these artists are using their
talent to project their feelings and
ideas not just please people and I
suddenly was able to see my place and to
realize I was in the wrong place you see
in 1967 the Summer of Love the peak of
the hippie movement I was 30 I was
entertaining people in nightclubs who
were 40 and they were at war with their
kids who were 20 the
a generation war I was in the middle of
it I was 32 2040 and I’m gonna be doing
over here these are the people that will
at least understand me and give me a
chance
so it took two years I didn’t go to the
mountain and come back different I
didn’t do a Bobby down they didn’t do a
whatever you both people who just go
away and they’re back new suddenly I
took two years to change it it happened
on television so it was if I had I
denied that part of myself and finally
it came into full flower and I never
became a really big success until that I
probably had 200 television appearances
by that time and I still wasn’t realized
as a writer comedian as a comedian by
that I mean I hadn’t let myself grow
into that and and I found out later I
was more than just a comedian this was a
turning point in my life and it’s one
that people should know about when I was
a young boy I was a mimic and I could
imitate people in the neighborhood
authority figures teachers shop owners
other parents tops on the beat and
people on television do little
limitations there were largely
imitations of other people doing
imitations that’s how you learn to do
Jimmy Cagney you see another guy do it
on stage he you say okay and you copy
him it’s easier because they point out
the highlights of sweet but neighborhood
stuff i I was kind of the class clown in
this in school and then after school I
was kind of like the neighborhood
wiseguy one one of the neighborhood
wiseguys on the street corner and I
would gather a little audience because I
would put together little routines I had
little parodies that I did I lifted
things everyone steals from comedians
when they’re starting so I would steal
invitations in Humphrey Bogart and Jimmy
Cagney and Peter Lorre
and I would do fake commercials that I
had heard or read and mad well mad
comics came along a little bit later
there was another magazine called
thousand jokes and I put together little
routines and and they would say Georgie
hey Georgie do that thing about such and
I would stand up and do it and it would
come out differently each time and I
developed this ability to
to stand up in front of a group of
people and get their attention and get
their approval that was important to me
apparently when I was a little kid I’d
go to my mother’s office and I and she
said imitate Mae West do the imitations
do the imitations and I would do the
imitations for the ladies in her office
and they would laugh and I noticed I
don’t remember noticing this per se but
I must have noticed that this got me the
attention of adults kids don’t forget I
was alone in that house most of the day
when I was in school I came home and I
was alone I got the attention of these
adults and I got their approval through
their laughter they were more or less
saying good boy George good going way to
go yes he’s good he’s cute it ain’t I
cute ain’t I clever that’s what this job
is so as a youngster I wanted to be a
comedian I I was probably only eight or
nine or ten years old when I began to
form an idea that I wanted to be in the
movies like Danny Kaye and like Red
Skelton
and B and I call that being an actor but
it was actually being a comedian and
pretty soon I found out the word
comedian and I want to be a comedian and
when I graduated from eighth grade the
last thing I graduated from by the way
my mother asked me what I wanted and one
of the brothers at school brother Conrad
had told us that he can get a
clergyman’s discount on cameras so I
asked him if he could get a clergyman’s
discount on tape recorders now this was
five years after the second world war
tape recorders had come out as consumer
items but they were as big as a small
Buick they were large they were like
this big and you had to buy them in a
showroom up up above the street they
were announced a sale in stores I bought
this big webcore long story and I’m
keeping it long that
I used it I used it to do voices and do
little sketches and skits and fake radio
shows and fake newscasts and commercials
and I used it to more or less train
myself for the thing I wanted to do my
mother was very progressive to have
bought me that as a graduation present I
mean it was but she was a she was a far
thinker to see that in me and go ahead
and foster that and reward that even
though she wanted me she didn’t want me
to follow it but she knew it was a
healthy thing for me to be doing why do
we still care enough to keep you’re at a
point in your life where you could go
back you could do your month in Vegas
and Florence Henderson could open up and
you could go and hit a couple of balls
and then some pinball
why you still care so much well I’m not
comparing myself to any of these people
believe me but you wouldn’t say to
Picasso why are you gonna put those
brushes down get rid of the canvas
you’ve done it you know I’m an
entertainer first and foremost but
there’s art involved here and an artist
has an obligation to be unroot to be
going somewhere there’s a journey
involved here and you don’t know where
it is and that’s the fun so you’re
always going to be seeking and looking
and going and trying to challenge
yourself so without sitting around
thinking of that a lot it drives you in
it and it keeps you trying to be fresh
trying to be new trying to call on
yourself calling yourself a little more
you know write everything down
you have to write you have to write
write write write write write all your
ideas down and classify them my first
boss when I was 18 told me that he said
find a folder put your ideas on paper
any idea you don’t think you can use it
now if it seems useful put it down a
paper and then classify it because good
ideas that don’t mean anything unless
you can find them again yeah you can’t
go through a pile of papers ten years
old of notes you have to now you can use
a computer I had before that I had index
cards and things you have to be able to
find race religion business government
politics men and women sex you know all
those categories you break them down
into categories so organize yourself I
think being on this planet one of the
first things people would say if we were
all dumped down here let us say there
were only ten of us
and we were dropping into this planet
already formed one of the first things
we would say what after a moment or two
will be is everybody okay let’s get
something to eat and that should be the
first thing any society says is
everybody ok let’s get something to eat
and we don’t because we have this
private property thing property property
rights over people’s rights and I just
think that that competition got the
upper hand over cooperation this species
was successful and that’s part of the
American experiment no as part of the
human species humans be the the verge of
failure that were on is because two
wonderful qualities that made us a
successful species cooperation and
competition a way out of balance now
competition is everything cooperation
happens after a flood happens for a few
days and everybody goes back when it
happens right and we need we need to get
that balance back if we can get that
balance back this was hope you’ve always
been a planner yeah I had this operation
plans yeah it’s this optimistic attitude
that if you planted well enough and you
meant well it’s going to happen you
believe that well I would only plan
things I felt you know that obviously
that I wanted and thought I was
qualified for but this is the good
example this career planning when I was
a kid I said well first I’ll be first
I’ll beat and see I wanted to be an
actor I called it actor because I saw
them in the movies and I knew they were
movie actors so Danny Kaye and these
guys I thought actor okay okay so first
I’ll be a stand-up comedian and don’t
forget when I was a kid all the only
place stand-up comedians worked was
nightclubs those kind of really more or
less sophisticated places where where
you saw in the movies you know and
people danced and there was a singer and
there was a comic and and I never got
into those places I was too young and it
wasn’t in my world so I knew about
comedians from radio and from television
later but movies when I was a youngster
so I aimed at that and I thought well
the way to get there would be to first
become first get into radio that would
be my first move because then I could
practice using my voice and I could
learn to speak and do a lot of these
things without a
audience directly in front of me which
is the usual thing in radio they’re not
sitting in the studio and therefore I
wouldn’t be as nervous or afraid and I
could kind of build up my confidence and
them I could become a stand-up comedian
because by then there were further
venues for comedians I thought then I
can be a stand-up comedian and then I
can go then if I’m really good at that
then they have to let me in the movies
and that was where I looked at they had
to let me in the movies and that was the
plan and it became more sophisticated as
I got went through 13 14 15 years and
and started to actually think of ways to
go about it don’t take no for an answer
if it’s if you’re not work if it’s not
working well that night it’s not you
it’s the audience blame it on the
audience because you’ve worked on Friday
night it ought to work on Saturday and
if it doesn’t it’s their fault it’s over
simple but you know what it works as a
formula just go on and do the Sunday
night show and forget Saturday night
keep kicking them in the nuts you gotta
have luck in this world part of its your
genetic makeup that’s luck and then what
you do with it is also partly genetic
because hard work is genetic the desire
to do hard work the willingness to work
hard and be determined and not be said
not be turned aside
that’s all genetic – it can be altered
it a little reinforced but some of the
people who who had so much edgy promise
they died young I mean Lenny Bruce Sam
Kinison Andy Kaufman in his way there
are Freddie Prinze John Belushi Bill
Hicks right and it’s just I don’t know
of course Bill had a natural disorder of
his own I think so did Andy but but it’s
not always behavior but sometimes it’s
just genetic but it’s just that I think
there’s a degree of luck and intellect
involved in giving up things that hurt
you that the drug and alcohol thing it
seems to me comes down to this drugs and
these things are wonderful they’re
wonderful when you try them first
they’re not around for all these
millennia for no reason first time
mostly pleasure very little pain maybe a
hangover and as you increase and keep
using whatever it is the pleasure part
decreases in the pain
part the price you pay increases until
the balance is completely the other way
and it’s almost all pain and there’s
hardly any pleasure at that point you
would hope
then the intellect says oh oh this does
it work anymore I’m going to die and
I’ll do something but you need people
around you who can help you and you need
something to live for you have to have
something to look forward to to bring
you out you know there’s are a lot of
people don’t have a lot to live for and
they’re sort of stuck inside it was out
of a job for a while and then I got
called down to a Fort Worth where
another guy from radio and in Shreveport
had moved on a Sales Director and he
wanted me for their station and Fort
Worth so he brought me down there so
number one station I got the homework
shift 7:00 to midnight took all answered
my own phones took all my own requests
and dedications and suddenly one day
Jack Byrnes showed up from Boston he
says he says I’m going out to give
Hollywood one last chance at me that was
his attitude which is the way to look at
things and he his tires were bald so he
luckily a news job had opened that day
and he got that job and he was my
nighttime newsman and you know the rest
we went down to an after-hours comedy
joint which was really a coffee house
called the cellar in Fort Worth and we
did impromptu sketches every night
impromptu skits and two-man stuff and it
was so successful we left radio we said
screw this you know we had great jobs we
were making like 300 400 a week since
1960 and were in Fort Worth a good
market and we could have gone on from
there but we decided to quit radio
because we’ll go to Hollywood and become
stars because we have this filthy act
that we did filthy it was just and those
days filthy comedy was not didn’t have a
market for it at all and there we were
how naive but how wonderful when you’re
in that age period to just get in my
newly bought dodge dart pioneer with the
tinted windows in the am/fm radio and
drive to Los Angeles on spec
you know on speculation we had about
$300 and we got lucky out there we got
lucky I got lucky every time I turned
around well when you went out there you
got a job at a club yeah we well no what
happened was this first we went out
there and we were looking to see how we
could get into show business we knew we
had this act we had written in the
daytime we’d write stuff and learning
terrible so we would go to places and
look at other people and we hang around
Dino’s on the strip and figure Frank
Sinatra might come in we hung around the
Brown Derby one night and Rock Hudson
came floating through you know we just
we were just using up our money and one
day we went back to the apartment and
the rest of our money had been stolen
out of a sock drawer
good hiding place George and we had no
money so we thought well gee we hadn’t
counted on that and we had vowed not to
work just to go straight into show
business we didn’t want jobs none of
that
bellhop stuff none of that car hop none
of that stuff where we won’t go into
radio out there but what happened was
the only thing we knew was radio the
only we really felt we should we
deserved was radio the biggest the
second biggest market in the country I
mean it was sheer lunacy to expect to
just get into that market but we went
Iraq we went around we went first to
KFWB number one in the market top 40
station and they had we didn’t have tape
sir and ignited wireless you know so
we’re walking along we see this radio
station ke da Y right near Hollywood and
Vine it’s actually in Selma and Vine
between sunset and Vine and Hollywood
and Vine we walked in there and that’s
where my star on the walk is now out in
Hollywood I don’t know I hadn’t put it
out from that radio station it’s kind of
nice we went in there and they were
looking for a morning comedy team I mean
it’s just all luck you know you just get
lucky and you’re on a roll
they were looking for guys like us we
did a tape for them they loved us they
called us the Wright brothers instead of
our real names they called us the Wright
brothers but it did a big publicity
campaign ads in variety full-color ads
and everything
and put us on the air and here we are on
the air about let’s see it would only
have been about two months after we got
there and it was just sheer madness you
know there we weren’t that wasn’t good
enough for it no no what we did what we
did was still work on the act we’re
gonna work on the acquisition only a
stepping stone you know and now we’re
making about five hundred a weekend each
each you know that’s good and we’re
great but we’re practicing this act
after hours this was also a daytime
station by the way even though it was a
fifty thousand water and had a big
signal out on the west coast it was a
day timer and we went off the air at
sundown and in the studio we would work
on these routines we were getting
serious now and nearby about two blocks
away was of coffee house that was the
way for us to get in they were now
coffee houses it was the era of the
beatniks and coffee houses liked offbeat
entertainment and we knew we could get
in there
and and do our stuff for the owner maybe
and get a shot just get a hootenanny
shot get a single shot you know and we
went over there he liked us and he hired
us for two weeks and we’re still
rehearsing our act and a guy came
walking through the studio because it
was an office building and you could see
the studios on your left and there were
little offices here he was a song
plugger he was a guy who used to do PR
for songwriters and stuff in record
labels and he saw us and he used to be
the road manager for Rowan and Martin
and he says I think you guys could make
it you know so we gave him more we
became mad he became our manager we went
in this little coffeehouse they held us
over for six weeks Lenny Bruce came in
and saws Mort Sahl came in and sauce and
based on that more Lenny Bruce we got a
contract with GAC one of the biggest
agencies in the country they had New
York offices Chicago and Beverly Hills
offices and we got into nightclubs where
we quit radio again
we quit recent nights sorry about that
we’ve got something to do and we went on
and began a career that worked out very
well two years together we were on The
Tonight Show with Jack Parr that October
we drove out of Shreveport in March
we drove out of Shreveport in March and
that October we were on NBC television
that night on the biggest show for
comida it’s just stupid
you know man it can happen by the way
speaking of American values are we about
due to start bombing some small country
that only has a marginally effective air
force seems to me like we’re a couple of
weeks overdue to drop high explosives on
helpless civilians people who have no
argument with us whatsoever I think we
ought to be out there doing what we do
best gang making big holes in other
people’s countries I’d hate to be
repetitious but God we are a warlike lot
you know we can’t stand not to be with
somebody we couldn’t wait for that cold
war be over good we just couldn’t wait
for that cold war to be over so we could
go and play with that twice in the sand
the player that ties in the sand and
when we’re not invading some sovereign
nation or setting it on fire from the
air which is more fun then we’re usually
declaring war on something here at home
you ever notice that we’d love to do
that don’t we we dump the declare war on
things here in America anything we don’t
like about ourselves we have to declare
war on it don’t do anything about it we
just declare war on we got a war it’s
the only it’s the only metaphor we have
in our public discourse for solving a
problem is called declaring a war got a
war on poverty the war on crime war on
litter the war on cancer the war on
drugs but you ever notice there’s no war
on homelessness is there yeah no war on
homelessness you know why there’s no
money in that problem
there’s nobody
problem nobody stands true nobody stands
to get rich off of that problem
you can find a solution to homelessness
with a corporate swine and the
politicians could steal a couple of
million dollars each you see the streets
of America begin to clear up pretty
goddamn I’ll guarantee you that I got an
idea for homes you’re gonna do not gonna
do give the homeless their own magazine
give them their own magazine it will
make them feel better for one thing
that’s a sure sign of making it in this
country every group of this country that
makes it and arrives at a certain level
has its own magazine give working mother
magazine black entrepreneur magazine
Hispanic business magazine in fact any
activity any activity engaged in by more
than four people in this country has got
a magazine devoted to it
skydiving mountain climbing snowmobiling
backpacking bungee jumping duck hunting
shooting someone in the asshole with a
dart gun won’t they probably have a
magazine for that sure I know they have
a magazine walking walking
[Music]
actually a magazine called walking no
Dan the new walking is out this is an
article putting one foot in front of the
other getting their own magazine give
them give the homeless no magazine you
know what you call it better crates and
cartons then when they get finished
reading it they can use it to line their
clothing that’s a good sound business
solution that’s kind of answer you get
from a conservative American business
message yeah let them read it when they
get finished reading they can use it to
plug up the holes and then piano crates
they all seem to like to live in a good
sound practical conservative American
solution I’ll tell you what they’ll do
about homelessness first thing change
the name of it change the name of the
condition it’s not homelessness it’s
house lessness its houses these people
need a home is an abstract idea a home
as a setting it’s a state of mind these
people need houses physical tangible
structures but where you gonna put them
where you gonna build them nobody wants
you to build low-cost housing near their
house people don’t want it near them we
got something this country you’ve heard
of it’s called NIMBY ni md why not in my
backyard
people don’t want any kind of social
help located anywhere near them you try
to open up a halfway house try to open
up a rehab center for drugs or alcohol
try to build a little home for some
retarded people who want to work their
way into the community people say not in
my backyard people don’t want anything
nearer especially if it might help
somebody else part of the great American
spirit of generosity were always told
about big generous
[Music]
asking how generous this country is if
you can find one you got to locate the
Indian first we’ve made them just a
little difficult to find or if you need
current data select the black family at
random and ask them how generous this
country has been people don’t want
anything near them even if it’s
something we believe in something they
think society needs like prisons
everybody wants that right everybody
wants more prisons that’s new answered
all of our problems like a lot of that
everybody wants more prisoner shake
Belmar present but not here why not
what’s wrong what’s the problem what’s
wrong with having a prison in your
neighborhood what seemed to me like it
would make it a pretty crime free area
Don today you think a lot of crackheads
and muggers and pimps and hookers are
going to hang around in front of a
prison
boom ain’t coming anywhere near it
what’s wrong with these people all the
criminals are locked up behind the walls
of a couple of them do break out what
you think they’re gonna do hang around
check real estate trends Oh God that’s
the whole idea breaking out of prison is
to get the as far away as you possibly
can
not in my backyard people don’t want
anything new except military bases they
don’t mind that do they know I like that
give an army base makes them happy why
jobs jobs self-interest even if the base
is loaded with nuclear weapons that’ll
give them this route I’ll take a little
radiation if I can get a job working
people have bent over so long in this
country those are the kind of decisions
they left to make I got just the place
for low-cost housing I have solved this
problem I know where we can build
housing for the homeless golf courses
perfect
God Horsley just what we need plenty of
good land in nice neighborhoods land
that is currently being wasted on a
meaningless mindless activity engaged in
primarily by white well-to-do male
businessmen who use the game to get
together to make deals to carve this
country up a little finer among
themselves I am getting tired really
tired
[Music]
I am getting tired of these golfing in
their green pants and their yellow pants
and their orange pants and their
precious little hats and their cute
little golf carts it is time to reclaim
the golf courses from the wealthy and
turn them over the homeless golf is an
arrogant elitist game and it takes up
entirely too much room in this country
in this country it is it is an arrogant
game on its very design alone just the
design of the game speaks of arrogance
think of how big a golf course is the
ball is that big what do these pinheaded
pricks need with all that land there are
over 17,000 golf courses in America they
average over 150 acres apiece
that’s over 3 million acres that’s 4820
square miles
you could build two Rhode Island’s and a
Delaware for the homeless on the land
currently devoted to this meaningless
mindless arrogant elitist racist races
there’s another thing the only blacks
you’ll find in country clubs are
carrying trays and a boring game for
boring people
you ever watch golf on television it’s
like watching flies and a mindless game
mindless think of the intellect think of
the intellect it must take to draw
pleasure from this activity hitting a
ball with a Crooked Stick and then
walking after it and then hitting it
again
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
no chance of that happening
gyorko and the plaid knickers is going
to hit it again and walk so long let
these rich play miniature golf a lot of
windmill for an hour and a half or so
see if there’s any real skill among them
I know there are some people who play
golf who don’t consider themselves rich
come and shame on them for engaging in
an arrogant elitist pastime hey here’s
another place we could put some low-cost
housing cemeteries there’s another idea
whose time has passed saving all the
dead people in one part of town what the
hell kind of a superstitious religious
medieval book idea is that plough these
mess up file them into the streams and
rivers of America we need that
phosphorus for farming if we’re going to
recycle let’s get serious thank you guys
so much for watching I made this video
because H H good fella asked me to so
there’s a famous entrepreneur that you
want me to profile next leave it down in
the comments below and I’ll see what I
can do
I’d also love to know what of George
Carlin said the biggest impact on you
and why which rule resonated the most
with you leave in the comments and I
will join in the discussion finally I
want to give a quick shout-out to
Youssef Naderi thank you so much for
picking up a copy of my book it really
really really means a lot to me those
you watching if you want to change at a
shadow in the future video make sure to
pick up a copy of the book and email in
your receipts so we can keep track thank
you guys so much for watching
continue to believe or whatever your one
or it is and I’ll see you soon
marks I was a smart kid but I didn’t
care they didn’t want teaching what I
want I didn’t give you it’s important in
life if you don’t give it it can help
you a lot I’m an entertainer first and
foremost but there’s art involved here
and an artist has an obligation to be on
route to be going somewhere there’s a
journey involved the verge of failure
that were on is because two wonderful
qualities that made us a successful
species cooperation and competition a
way out of balance we decided to quit
radio because we’ll go to Hollywood it’d
become stars
he was an American comedian actor social
critic and author he’s widely regarded
as one of the most important and
influential stand-up comedians of all
time he was known for his black comedy
and his thoughts on psychology politics
religion and various taboo subjects he’s
George Carlin and here’s my take on his
top ten rules for success rule number
one is my personal favorite and I’m
curious to figure out which one you guys
like the best also as George is talking
if he says something really meaningful
to you really moving their inspiring try
to copy and paste it into the comments
below and put quotes around it so other
people can be inspired as well I was a
victim of my own success and I did some
ed Sullivan’s I hate on those Ed
Sullivan shows I began to realize not
just there everywhere all these shows I
didn’t fit and here’s what I was missing
I was missing who I was I began with a
dream of being Danny Kaye which is a
very mainstream dream it’s very Middle
America it’s a people pleaser job and I
dreamed a path that was traditional
comedian a disc jockey comedian actor
big success a mainstream dream meanwhile
what I really was was an outlaw and a
rebel because I had lived there they got
that kind of life I got kicked out of
three different schools I got kicked out
of the Air Force I got kicked out of the
choir I got kicked out of the altar boys
and kicked out a customer camp I got
kicked out of the Boy Scouts and I quit
school at ninth grade a great marks I
was
smart kid but I didn’t care they didn’t
want teaching what I want I didn’t give
you it’s important in life if you don’t
give it it can help you a lot so I
didn’t give it and I was this kind of I
was a pot smoker when I was 13 we broke
the law we broke into cars we broke into
offices we broke into Columbia
University we broke into stores we did
all sorts of unlawful things and I was
that kind of person I was one who swam
against the tide of what is expected and
what is but the establishment wants from
us but I didn’t know that about myself
because his dream blinded me this dream
was about America about the path then we
all follow the middle of the road middle
class America mainstream will dream and
being Wayne while I’m sitting there like
this you know those people that look at
this stupid no I don’t want to be in the
Bunny number can I get out of the bunny
number please I don’t want to put on the
uniform you know and and and I didn’t
know this dissonance was inside me and
in the period this is happening all
through the 60s the counterculture was
forming the Free Speech Movement started
in Berkeley the hippies were growing
into a force and peace love power blow
flower power pot smoke and anti
authorities he’d been gaming
anti-authority Pro over the
establishment burned down the math
building Wow ding ding ding ding ding
ding ding
so I gravitated toward that because I
was that person really and and the
people I hung around with were that way
the musicians I knew in the late 50s had
gone through that transition suddenly
they look different and their music
change and I’m listening to people like
the Buffalo Springfield I listen to Bob
Dylan listen these people in there I
realize these artists are using their
talent to project their feelings and
ideas not just please people and I
suddenly was able to see my place and to
realize I was in the wrong place you see
in 1967 the Summer of Love the peak of
the hippie movement I was 30 I was
entertaining people in nightclubs who
were 40 and they were at war with their
kids who were 20 the
a generation war I was in the middle of
it I was 32 2040 and I’m gonna be doing
over here these are the people that will
at least understand me and give me a
chance
so it took two years I didn’t go to the
mountain and come back different I
didn’t do a Bobby down they didn’t do a
whatever you both people who just go
away and they’re back new suddenly I
took two years to change it it happened
on television so it was if I had I
denied that part of myself and finally
it came into full flower and I never
became a really big success until that I
probably had 200 television appearances
by that time and I still wasn’t realized
as a writer comedian as a comedian by
that I mean I hadn’t let myself grow
into that and and I found out later I
was more than just a comedian this was a
turning point in my life and it’s one
that people should know about when I was
a young boy I was a mimic and I could
imitate people in the neighborhood
authority figures teachers shop owners
other parents tops on the beat and
people on television do little
limitations there were largely
imitations of other people doing
imitations that’s how you learn to do
Jimmy Cagney you see another guy do it
on stage he you say okay and you copy
him it’s easier because they point out
the highlights of sweet but neighborhood
stuff i I was kind of the class clown in
this in school and then after school I
was kind of like the neighborhood
wiseguy one one of the neighborhood
wiseguys on the street corner and I
would gather a little audience because I
would put together little routines I had
little parodies that I did I lifted
things everyone steals from comedians
when they’re starting so I would steal
invitations in Humphrey Bogart and Jimmy
Cagney and Peter Lorre
and I would do fake commercials that I
had heard or read and mad well mad
comics came along a little bit later
there was another magazine called
thousand jokes and I put together little
routines and and they would say Georgie
hey Georgie do that thing about such and
I would stand up and do it and it would
come out differently each time and I
developed this ability to
to stand up in front of a group of
people and get their attention and get
their approval that was important to me
apparently when I was a little kid I’d
go to my mother’s office and I and she
said imitate Mae West do the imitations
do the imitations and I would do the
imitations for the ladies in her office
and they would laugh and I noticed I
don’t remember noticing this per se but
I must have noticed that this got me the
attention of adults kids don’t forget I
was alone in that house most of the day
when I was in school I came home and I
was alone I got the attention of these
adults and I got their approval through
their laughter they were more or less
saying good boy George good going way to
go yes he’s good he’s cute it ain’t I
cute ain’t I clever that’s what this job
is so as a youngster I wanted to be a
comedian I I was probably only eight or
nine or ten years old when I began to
form an idea that I wanted to be in the
movies like Danny Kaye and like Red
Skelton
and B and I call that being an actor but
it was actually being a comedian and
pretty soon I found out the word
comedian and I want to be a comedian and
when I graduated from eighth grade the
last thing I graduated from by the way
my mother asked me what I wanted and one
of the brothers at school brother Conrad
had told us that he can get a
clergyman’s discount on cameras so I
asked him if he could get a clergyman’s
discount on tape recorders now this was
five years after the second world war
tape recorders had come out as consumer
items but they were as big as a small
Buick they were large they were like
this big and you had to buy them in a
showroom up up above the street they
were announced a sale in stores I bought
this big webcore long story and I’m
keeping it long that
I used it I used it to do voices and do
little sketches and skits and fake radio
shows and fake newscasts and commercials
and I used it to more or less train
myself for the thing I wanted to do my
mother was very progressive to have
bought me that as a graduation present I
mean it was but she was a she was a far
thinker to see that in me and go ahead
and foster that and reward that even
though she wanted me she didn’t want me
to follow it but she knew it was a
healthy thing for me to be doing why do
we still care enough to keep you’re at a
point in your life where you could go
back you could do your month in Vegas
and Florence Henderson could open up and
you could go and hit a couple of balls
and then some pinball
why you still care so much well I’m not
comparing myself to any of these people
believe me but you wouldn’t say to
Picasso why are you gonna put those
brushes down get rid of the canvas
you’ve done it you know I’m an
entertainer first and foremost but
there’s art involved here and an artist
has an obligation to be unroot to be
going somewhere there’s a journey
involved here and you don’t know where
it is and that’s the fun so you’re
always going to be seeking and looking
and going and trying to challenge
yourself so without sitting around
thinking of that a lot it drives you in
it and it keeps you trying to be fresh
trying to be new trying to call on
yourself calling yourself a little more
you know write everything down
you have to write you have to write
write write write write write all your
ideas down and classify them my first
boss when I was 18 told me that he said
find a folder put your ideas on paper
any idea you don’t think you can use it
now if it seems useful put it down a
paper and then classify it because good
ideas that don’t mean anything unless
you can find them again yeah you can’t
go through a pile of papers ten years
old of notes you have to now you can use
a computer I had before that I had index
cards and things you have to be able to
find race religion business government
politics men and women sex you know all
those categories you break them down
into categories so organize yourself I
think being on this planet one of the
first things people would say if we were
all dumped down here let us say there
were only ten of us
and we were dropping into this planet
already formed one of the first things
we would say what after a moment or two
will be is everybody okay let’s get
something to eat and that should be the
first thing any society says is
everybody ok let’s get something to eat
and we don’t because we have this
private property thing property property
rights over people’s rights and I just
think that that competition got the
upper hand over cooperation this species
was successful and that’s part of the
American experiment no as part of the
human species humans be the the verge of
failure that were on is because two
wonderful qualities that made us a
successful species cooperation and
competition a way out of balance now
competition is everything cooperation
happens after a flood happens for a few
days and everybody goes back when it
happens right and we need we need to get
that balance back if we can get that
balance back this was hope you’ve always
been a planner yeah I had this operation
plans yeah it’s this optimistic attitude
that if you planted well enough and you
meant well it’s going to happen you
believe that well I would only plan
things I felt you know that obviously
that I wanted and thought I was
qualified for but this is the good
example this career planning when I was
a kid I said well first I’ll be first
I’ll beat and see I wanted to be an
actor I called it actor because I saw
them in the movies and I knew they were
movie actors so Danny Kaye and these
guys I thought actor okay okay so first
I’ll be a stand-up comedian and don’t
forget when I was a kid all the only
place stand-up comedians worked was
nightclubs those kind of really more or
less sophisticated places where where
you saw in the movies you know and
people danced and there was a singer and
there was a comic and and I never got
into those places I was too young and it
wasn’t in my world so I knew about
comedians from radio and from television
later but movies when I was a youngster
so I aimed at that and I thought well
the way to get there would be to first
become first get into radio that would
be my first move because then I could
practice using my voice and I could
learn to speak and do a lot of these
things without a
audience directly in front of me which
is the usual thing in radio they’re not
sitting in the studio and therefore I
wouldn’t be as nervous or afraid and I
could kind of build up my confidence and
them I could become a stand-up comedian
because by then there were further
venues for comedians I thought then I
can be a stand-up comedian and then I
can go then if I’m really good at that
then they have to let me in the movies
and that was where I looked at they had
to let me in the movies and that was the
plan and it became more sophisticated as
I got went through 13 14 15 years and
and started to actually think of ways to
go about it don’t take no for an answer
if it’s if you’re not work if it’s not
working well that night it’s not you
it’s the audience blame it on the
audience because you’ve worked on Friday
night it ought to work on Saturday and
if it doesn’t it’s their fault it’s over
simple but you know what it works as a
formula just go on and do the Sunday
night show and forget Saturday night
keep kicking them in the nuts you gotta
have luck in this world part of its your
genetic makeup that’s luck and then what
you do with it is also partly genetic
because hard work is genetic the desire
to do hard work the willingness to work
hard and be determined and not be said
not be turned aside
that’s all genetic – it can be altered
it a little reinforced but some of the
people who who had so much edgy promise
they died young I mean Lenny Bruce Sam
Kinison Andy Kaufman in his way there
are Freddie Prinze John Belushi Bill
Hicks right and it’s just I don’t know
of course Bill had a natural disorder of
his own I think so did Andy but but it’s
not always behavior but sometimes it’s
just genetic but it’s just that I think
there’s a degree of luck and intellect
involved in giving up things that hurt
you that the drug and alcohol thing it
seems to me comes down to this drugs and
these things are wonderful they’re
wonderful when you try them first
they’re not around for all these
millennia for no reason first time
mostly pleasure very little pain maybe a
hangover and as you increase and keep
using whatever it is the pleasure part
decreases in the pain
part the price you pay increases until
the balance is completely the other way
and it’s almost all pain and there’s
hardly any pleasure at that point you
would hope
then the intellect says oh oh this does
it work anymore I’m going to die and
I’ll do something but you need people
around you who can help you and you need
something to live for you have to have
something to look forward to to bring
you out you know there’s are a lot of
people don’t have a lot to live for and
they’re sort of stuck inside it was out
of a job for a while and then I got
called down to a Fort Worth where
another guy from radio and in Shreveport
had moved on a Sales Director and he
wanted me for their station and Fort
Worth so he brought me down there so
number one station I got the homework
shift 7:00 to midnight took all answered
my own phones took all my own requests
and dedications and suddenly one day
Jack Byrnes showed up from Boston he
says he says I’m going out to give
Hollywood one last chance at me that was
his attitude which is the way to look at
things and he his tires were bald so he
luckily a news job had opened that day
and he got that job and he was my
nighttime newsman and you know the rest
we went down to an after-hours comedy
joint which was really a coffee house
called the cellar in Fort Worth and we
did impromptu sketches every night
impromptu skits and two-man stuff and it
was so successful we left radio we said
screw this you know we had great jobs we
were making like 300 400 a week since
1960 and were in Fort Worth a good
market and we could have gone on from
there but we decided to quit radio
because we’ll go to Hollywood and become
stars because we have this filthy act
that we did filthy it was just and those
days filthy comedy was not didn’t have a
market for it at all and there we were
how naive but how wonderful when you’re
in that age period to just get in my
newly bought dodge dart pioneer with the
tinted windows in the am/fm radio and
drive to Los Angeles on spec
you know on speculation we had about
$300 and we got lucky out there we got
lucky I got lucky every time I turned
around well when you went out there you
got a job at a club yeah we well no what
happened was this first we went out
there and we were looking to see how we
could get into show business we knew we
had this act we had written in the
daytime we’d write stuff and learning
terrible so we would go to places and
look at other people and we hang around
Dino’s on the strip and figure Frank
Sinatra might come in we hung around the
Brown Derby one night and Rock Hudson
came floating through you know we just
we were just using up our money and one
day we went back to the apartment and
the rest of our money had been stolen
out of a sock drawer
good hiding place George and we had no
money so we thought well gee we hadn’t
counted on that and we had vowed not to
work just to go straight into show
business we didn’t want jobs none of
that
bellhop stuff none of that car hop none
of that stuff where we won’t go into
radio out there but what happened was
the only thing we knew was radio the
only we really felt we should we
deserved was radio the biggest the
second biggest market in the country I
mean it was sheer lunacy to expect to
just get into that market but we went
Iraq we went around we went first to
KFWB number one in the market top 40
station and they had we didn’t have tape
sir and ignited wireless you know so
we’re walking along we see this radio
station ke da Y right near Hollywood and
Vine it’s actually in Selma and Vine
between sunset and Vine and Hollywood
and Vine we walked in there and that’s
where my star on the walk is now out in
Hollywood I don’t know I hadn’t put it
out from that radio station it’s kind of
nice we went in there and they were
looking for a morning comedy team I mean
it’s just all luck you know you just get
lucky and you’re on a roll
they were looking for guys like us we
did a tape for them they loved us they
called us the Wright brothers instead of
our real names they called us the Wright
brothers but it did a big publicity
campaign ads in variety full-color ads
and everything
and put us on the air and here we are on
the air about let’s see it would only
have been about two months after we got
there and it was just sheer madness you
know there we weren’t that wasn’t good
enough for it no no what we did what we
did was still work on the act we’re
gonna work on the acquisition only a
stepping stone you know and now we’re
making about five hundred a weekend each
each you know that’s good and we’re
great but we’re practicing this act
after hours this was also a daytime
station by the way even though it was a
fifty thousand water and had a big
signal out on the west coast it was a
day timer and we went off the air at
sundown and in the studio we would work
on these routines we were getting
serious now and nearby about two blocks
away was of coffee house that was the
way for us to get in they were now
coffee houses it was the era of the
beatniks and coffee houses liked offbeat
entertainment and we knew we could get
in there
and and do our stuff for the owner maybe
and get a shot just get a hootenanny
shot get a single shot you know and we
went over there he liked us and he hired
us for two weeks and we’re still
rehearsing our act and a guy came
walking through the studio because it
was an office building and you could see
the studios on your left and there were
little offices here he was a song
plugger he was a guy who used to do PR
for songwriters and stuff in record
labels and he saw us and he used to be
the road manager for Rowan and Martin
and he says I think you guys could make
it you know so we gave him more we
became mad he became our manager we went
in this little coffeehouse they held us
over for six weeks Lenny Bruce came in
and saws Mort Sahl came in and sauce and
based on that more Lenny Bruce we got a
contract with GAC one of the biggest
agencies in the country they had New
York offices Chicago and Beverly Hills
offices and we got into nightclubs where
we quit radio again
we quit recent nights sorry about that
we’ve got something to do and we went on
and began a career that worked out very
well two years together we were on The
Tonight Show with Jack Parr that October
we drove out of Shreveport in March
we drove out of Shreveport in March and
that October we were on NBC television
that night on the biggest show for
comida it’s just stupid
you know man it can happen by the way
speaking of American values are we about
due to start bombing some small country
that only has a marginally effective air
force seems to me like we’re a couple of
weeks overdue to drop high explosives on
helpless civilians people who have no
argument with us whatsoever I think we
ought to be out there doing what we do
best gang making big holes in other
people’s countries I’d hate to be
repetitious but God we are a warlike lot
you know we can’t stand not to be with
somebody we couldn’t wait for that cold
war be over good we just couldn’t wait
for that cold war to be over so we could
go and play with that twice in the sand
the player that ties in the sand and
when we’re not invading some sovereign
nation or setting it on fire from the
air which is more fun then we’re usually
declaring war on something here at home
you ever notice that we’d love to do
that don’t we we dump the declare war on
things here in America anything we don’t
like about ourselves we have to declare
war on it don’t do anything about it we
just declare war on we got a war it’s
the only it’s the only metaphor we have
in our public discourse for solving a
problem is called declaring a war got a
war on poverty the war on crime war on
litter the war on cancer the war on
drugs but you ever notice there’s no war
on homelessness is there yeah no war on
homelessness you know why there’s no
money in that problem
there’s nobody
problem nobody stands true nobody stands
to get rich off of that problem
you can find a solution to homelessness
with a corporate swine and the
politicians could steal a couple of
million dollars each you see the streets
of America begin to clear up pretty
goddamn I’ll guarantee you that I got an
idea for homes you’re gonna do not gonna
do give the homeless their own magazine
give them their own magazine it will
make them feel better for one thing
that’s a sure sign of making it in this
country every group of this country that
makes it and arrives at a certain level
has its own magazine give working mother
magazine black entrepreneur magazine
Hispanic business magazine in fact any
activity any activity engaged in by more
than four people in this country has got
a magazine devoted to it
skydiving mountain climbing snowmobiling
backpacking bungee jumping duck hunting
shooting someone in the asshole with a
dart gun won’t they probably have a
magazine for that sure I know they have
a magazine walking walking
[Music]
actually a magazine called walking no
Dan the new walking is out this is an
article putting one foot in front of the
other getting their own magazine give
them give the homeless no magazine you
know what you call it better crates and
cartons then when they get finished
reading it they can use it to line their
clothing that’s a good sound business
solution that’s kind of answer you get
from a conservative American business
message yeah let them read it when they
get finished reading they can use it to
plug up the holes and then piano crates
they all seem to like to live in a good
sound practical conservative American
solution I’ll tell you what they’ll do
about homelessness first thing change
the name of it change the name of the
condition it’s not homelessness it’s
house lessness its houses these people
need a home is an abstract idea a home
as a setting it’s a state of mind these
people need houses physical tangible
structures but where you gonna put them
where you gonna build them nobody wants
you to build low-cost housing near their
house people don’t want it near them we
got something this country you’ve heard
of it’s called NIMBY ni md why not in my
backyard
people don’t want any kind of social
help located anywhere near them you try
to open up a halfway house try to open
up a rehab center for drugs or alcohol
try to build a little home for some
retarded people who want to work their
way into the community people say not in
my backyard people don’t want anything
nearer especially if it might help
somebody else part of the great American
spirit of generosity were always told
about big generous
[Music]
asking how generous this country is if
you can find one you got to locate the
Indian first we’ve made them just a
little difficult to find or if you need
current data select the black family at
random and ask them how generous this
country has been people don’t want
anything near them even if it’s
something we believe in something they
think society needs like prisons
everybody wants that right everybody
wants more prisons that’s new answered
all of our problems like a lot of that
everybody wants more prisoner shake
Belmar present but not here why not
what’s wrong what’s the problem what’s
wrong with having a prison in your
neighborhood what seemed to me like it
would make it a pretty crime free area
Don today you think a lot of crackheads
and muggers and pimps and hookers are
going to hang around in front of a
prison
boom ain’t coming anywhere near it
what’s wrong with these people all the
criminals are locked up behind the walls
of a couple of them do break out what
you think they’re gonna do hang around
check real estate trends Oh God that’s
the whole idea breaking out of prison is
to get the as far away as you possibly
can
not in my backyard people don’t want
anything new except military bases they
don’t mind that do they know I like that
give an army base makes them happy why
jobs jobs self-interest even if the base
is loaded with nuclear weapons that’ll
give them this route I’ll take a little
radiation if I can get a job working
people have bent over so long in this
country those are the kind of decisions
they left to make I got just the place
for low-cost housing I have solved this
problem I know where we can build
housing for the homeless golf courses
perfect
God Horsley just what we need plenty of
good land in nice neighborhoods land
that is currently being wasted on a
meaningless mindless activity engaged in
primarily by white well-to-do male
businessmen who use the game to get
together to make deals to carve this
country up a little finer among
themselves I am getting tired really
tired
[Music]
I am getting tired of these golfing in
their green pants and their yellow pants
and their orange pants and their
precious little hats and their cute
little golf carts it is time to reclaim
the golf courses from the wealthy and
turn them over the homeless golf is an
arrogant elitist game and it takes up
entirely too much room in this country
in this country it is it is an arrogant
game on its very design alone just the
design of the game speaks of arrogance
think of how big a golf course is the
ball is that big what do these pinheaded
pricks need with all that land there are
over 17,000 golf courses in America they
average over 150 acres apiece
that’s over 3 million acres that’s 4820
square miles
you could build two Rhode Island’s and a
Delaware for the homeless on the land
currently devoted to this meaningless
mindless arrogant elitist racist races
there’s another thing the only blacks
you’ll find in country clubs are
carrying trays and a boring game for
boring people
you ever watch golf on television it’s
like watching flies and a mindless game
mindless think of the intellect think of
the intellect it must take to draw
pleasure from this activity hitting a
ball with a Crooked Stick and then
walking after it and then hitting it
again
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
no chance of that happening
gyorko and the plaid knickers is going
to hit it again and walk so long let
these rich play miniature golf a lot of
windmill for an hour and a half or so
see if there’s any real skill among them
I know there are some people who play
golf who don’t consider themselves rich
come and shame on them for engaging in
an arrogant elitist pastime hey here’s
another place we could put some low-cost
housing cemeteries there’s another idea
whose time has passed saving all the
dead people in one part of town what the
hell kind of a superstitious religious
medieval book idea is that plough these
mess up file them into the streams and
rivers of America we need that
phosphorus for farming if we’re going to
recycle let’s get serious thank you guys
so much for watching I made this video
because H H good fella asked me to so
there’s a famous entrepreneur that you
want me to profile next leave it down in
the comments below and I’ll see what I
can do
I’d also love to know what of George
Carlin said the biggest impact on you
and why which rule resonated the most
with you leave in the comments and I
will join in the discussion finally I
want to give a quick shout-out to
Youssef Naderi thank you so much for
picking up a copy of my book it really
really really means a lot to me those
you watching if you want to change at a
shadow in the future video make sure to
pick up a copy of the book and email in
your receipts so we can keep track thank
you guys so much for watching
continue to believe or whatever your one
or it is and I’ll see you soon
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