Best Motivational Speeches EVER – The best of Simon Sinek Motivation

eyeing over a valley in Afghanistan our
two a-10 warthogs an a-10 is a heavily
armoured low-flying slow aircraft
designed to provide ground cover for
troops on the ground and on this night
it’s a very very cloudy night the storms
in the area and these two planes hanging
up above just waiting in case anybody
down below needs help up there it’s
gorgeous
the moon is is bright the thousands of
stars in the sky the clouds look like
the snow had just fallen down below in
the valley however there were 22 Special
Forces Special Operations Forces troops
trying to make their way through the
country and they could feel that
something was wrong they could feel they
felt uneasy one of the pilots up above
callsign Johnny Bravo and yes he stands
like this he could feel their unease
listening to him over the radio so he
decides he was gonna go down below the
cloud and just have a look he tells his
wingmen hang out up here I’ll go see
what there is and he points us plane
down into the clouds and as he’s going
through the clouds the call comes over
the radio troops in contact
troops in contact is what they say when
they come under effective fire it means
they’re in trouble
so now Johnny Bravo points his plane
straight down the planes getting
thrashed about in the turbulence and
when he comes out below the clouds he’s
less than a thousand feet off the ground
and he’s flying in a valley cliffs on
both sides now this is only 2002 and the
planes were not yet equipped with
ground-hugging radar and worse they were
using old Russian maps that’s all they
had at the time and the site that greets
him is something like he’s never seen
before not in training and not in the
movies he sees tracer fire fire coming
from all sides of the valley pointed
right in the middle where the American
forces are and so he picks the point and
starts to lay down suppressing fire and
he’s flying and he’s in danger of
hitting the cliff of course he knows his
speed he knows his distance from the map
and he literally counts out loud well he
lays down the suppressing fire one one
thousand two one thousand three one
two thousand four one thousand five one
thousand pools hard on the stick pulls
back up into the cloud comes down around
again one one thousand two one thousand
three one thousand four one thousand
good hits good hits it says over his
radio and again he comes around one one
thousand two one thousand three one
thousand four one thousand five one
thousand he runs out of ammunition fuel
is fine flies back up to the top of the
cloud tells his wingman you need to get
down there his wingman isn’t sure about
the condition so the two of them fly
back down together his wingman lays down
the suppressing fire and Johnny Bravo
counts as they fly three feet apart from
each other wing to wing one one thousand
two one thousand three one thousand four
one thousand five one thousand up and
around again one one thousand two one
thousand three one thousand four one
thousand five one thousand that night
twenty two Americans went home alive
with zero casualties my question is is
where do people like Johnny Bravo come
from who are they who would risk their
lives for others so that may they may
survive I asked Johnny Bravo
I asked him why why would you do it why
would you risk your life so that others
may survive and he gave me the same
answer that everybody in his position
gives because they would have done it
for me now if you think about it in the
military they give medals to people who
are willing to sacrifice themselves that
others may gain in business we give
bonuses to people who are willing to
sacrifice others so that we may gain we
have it backwards wouldn’t you like to
work in an organization in which you
have the absolute confidence the
absolute knowledge that other people
that you may or may not know who work in
the same organization as you would be
willing to sacrifice themselves so that
you may survive and in and we’re not
talking about giving your life I mean we
don’t even like to give a credit you
know so where do people like Johnny
Bravo come from well it’s an age-old
question they’re not born they’re
actually made if you look at the human
animal the human animal is like a
machine there are systems inside our
bodies that are trying to get us to do
things that are in the interests of the
survival of the human animal right just
like in an industry in a business and a
company if you want people to do
something you offer them some sort of
positive or negative incentive to direct
the behavior right so if you
want people to achieve a certain goal
you offer them a bonus if they achieve
that goal and they’ll work towards that
goal because they want the bonus it’s a
very simple system the human body works
exactly the same way it works exactly
the same way inside our bodies are
chemicals that are trying to get us to
do things that are in the best interest
of us if you’ve ever had a feeling of
happiness pride joy love fulfillment all
of these feelings that we have are
chemically produced feelings and they’re
produced by four chemicals predominantly
these are the basically responsible for
all of the feelings that I would
generically call happiness they are
endorphins dopamine serotonin and
oxytocin and so these two chemicals
endorphins and dopamine I like to call
these the selfish chemicals but you
don’t really need anybody’s help to get
them right let me tell you let me tell
you a little bit about what they are
endorphins endorphins are designed to do
one thing and one thing only
masks physical pain that’s it that’s
what they do if you if you’re a runner
if you’ve ever gone and done a heavy
exercise you’ve heard of an endorphin
rush or a runner’s high basically what’s
happening is when that runners out there
pushing their bodies harder than they’ve
ever pushed before they feel good and
when they’re done with their run they
feel fantastic and then an hour later
they’re in pain for damage they cause
their muscles an hour before right this
is what endorphins are designed to do
they’re designed to mask physical pain
the caveman reason for this stuff
because this stuff is all from 50,000
years ago understand homo sapien existed
at the same time as other hominid
species and yet we survived and they
didn’t what is it about this species
that’s so good at survival and thriving
look at the world we’ve built it’s not
just that we’re smart we’re certainly
not the strongest we’re certainly not
the smartest it’s that so we’re social
animals we have to do things together
together we have to look after each
other
and we have to work together to ensure
that we survive that we do well this is
how we’re designed right these chemicals
are trying to make that happen
so in these caveman times 50,000 years
ago Paleolithic era
we had to eat we’re not the strongest
we’re not the fastest but there’s one
thing that the human animal is made for
endurance we could track an animal for
hours and hours and hours and miles and
miles and miles and if we were tired
we’d keep going and if we got injured or
we had to bring the food back to the
cave we’d continue to do it and it was
so good it felt so good that maybe we’d
even volunteer to go hunting the next
day just like we get addicted to
exercise right oh my god it was so much
fun yesterday I will totally go hunting
tomorrow right good system for the
survival of the group good system by the
way the reason laughing feels good is
because of endorphins you’re actually
convulsing your internal organs and
endorphins are masking the physical pain
I’m sure everybody here has laughed so
much that the endorphins eventually run
out you go stop stop it hurts endorphins
they feel good dopamine dopamine is the
feeling that you found something you’re
looking for or do you accomplish
something you set out to accomplish
so you know that feeling you get when
you cross something off your to-do list
that’s dopamine it feels awesome you
know when you when you have a goal to
hit and you achieve that goal you’re
like yes you feel like you’ve won
something right that’s dopamine the
whole purpose of dopamine is to make
sure that we get stuff done right the
historical reason for dopamine we would
never eat if we only waited to get until
we got hungry because there’s no
guarantee that we would find food so
dopamine exists to help us go looking
for food we get dopamine when we eat
which is one of the reasons we like
eating and so when you see something
that reminds you of something that feels
good we want to do the behavior that
helps us get that feeling right so let’s
say you’re out there going for a walk
and you see an apple tree in the
distance you get a small hit of dopamine
and then what it does is it focuses us
on our goals and now we start walking
towards the apple tree and as the apple
tree starts to get a little bigger we
feel like we’re making progress you get
another little shot of dopamine and
another little shot of dopamine until
you get to the Train you’re like yes
okay this is why we’re told you must
write down your goals your goals must be
tangible there’s a there’s a biological
reason for that we were very very
visually oriented animals you have to be
able to see the goal for it to
biologically stay folk
right if you don’t write down your goals
if you can’t see your goals it’s very
hard to get motivated to get inspired
for example think about corporate
visions right a corporate vision has
have to be something we can see right
that’s why it’s called a vision you can
see it right to be the biggest most
respected to be the fastest-growing are
not visions they’re nothing right what
does that even look like respected by
whom your mother
yourself your friends your shareholders
who knows what’s the metric dunno it’s
Amorphis doesn’t motivate us just like I
can’t tell you you will get a bonus if
you achieve more you’re gonna ask me how
much more I’m gonna say more doesn’t
work you need a tangible goal you need a
tangible goal right here’s a great
vision Martin Luther King I have a dream
that one day little black children and
little white children will play on the
playground together and hold hands
together we can imagine that we can set
our sights on that and every time we
achieve a goal and achieve a metric and
achieve a milestone that makes us feel
like we’re making progress to the vision
we can see we keep going and going and
going until we achieve something
remarkable you have to be able to see it
dopamine like I said dopamine is the
feeling you get when you set out to find
something you’re looking for as well
talked about the to-do list I came home
from a trip just a couple days ago and I
had a bunch of errands to run and I
wrote down a little list of things I had
to do and off I went right and as I was
walking past I think was the dry cleaner
I remember I was walking past something
I remembered oh I have to do that and I
hadn’t written it down on my I hadn’t
written down on my to-do list
so I went in and I finished what I
needed to do and then when I came out I
then wrote it on my to-do list and then
crossed it out
because I wanted the dopamine feels good
dopamine comes with a warning dopamine
is highly highly highly addictive here
are some other things that release
dopamine alcohol nicotine gambling your
cell phone
oh you think I’m joking okay we’ve all
been told that you know if you wake up
in the morning and you crave a drink you
might be an alcoholic well if you wake
up in the morning the first thing you do
is check your phone before you even get
out of bed might be an addict
if you walk from room to room in your
own apartment holding your telephone you
might be an addict when you’re driving
in your car and you get a text and your
phone goes beep we we hate email true we
love the beep the buzz the ding oh right
you’ll be there in 10 minutes and yet
you have to look at it right now you
might be an addict and even if you read
it and it says are you free for dinner
next Thursday and you have to reply
immediately you can’t wait to ten
minutes you might be an addict and for
all you Gen Y is out there who like to
think that you’re better at multitasking
beause you grew up with the technology
then why do you keep crashing your cars
when you’re texting
you’re not you’re not better at
multitasking you’re better getting
distracted in fact if you look at the
statistics ad D and ADHD have diagnosis
of AD D and ADHD have risen 66% in the
past 10 years okay ad D and ADHD is a
frontal lobe disorder right are you
telling me out of nowhere 66% of our
youth has the frontal lobe problem where
did that come from no it’s a
misdiagnosis right what what are the
what are the symptoms of a dopamine
addiction to technology distractibility
inability to it to get things done
easily easily distracted you know
shortness of attention it’s all the same
things so we misdiagnosed things it’s
this it’s the addictive quality of
dopamine we can also get addicted to
performance in our companies when all
they do is give us numbers to hit
numbers to hit numbers to hit and a
bonus you get and a bonus you get and a
bonus you get all they’re doing is
feeding us with dopamine and we can’t
help ourselves all we do is want more
more MORE it’s no surprise that the
bank’s destroyed the economy because one
of the things we know about dopamine
addict is they will do anything to get
another hit sometimes at the sacrifice
of their own resources and their
relationships ask any alcoholic gambling
addict or a drug addict ask them how
their relationships are doing and if
they’ve squandered any of their
resources it’s an addiction dopamine is
dangerous if it is unbalanced it is
hugely helpful when in a comfortable and
balanced system but when unbalanced it’s
dangerous and it’s destructive you don’t
need anybody’s help to get these go for
a run achieve your goals you’ll get
dopamine you’ll get endorphins but you
won’t have any feeling of fulfillment or
love or trust that’s where these come in
these are attempting to manage these
this is what makes our society great
this is where people like Johnny Bravo
come from it’s because of these two
chemicals that leaders really fulfill
their great responsibilities outside in
the world is danger at all times for
various reasons in caveman times that
danger may have been you know a
saber-toothed tiger it may have been the
weather it may have been a lack of
resources it may have been who knows any
number of things things that with no
conscience are trying to kill you they
want to end your life and so how do we
survive we work together and together we
come together in our groups and our
companies and our tribes to feel like we
belong to be around people who believe
what we believe so that we may feel safe
when we’re surrounded by people who have
our best interests in mind and we feel
safe
we will organize ourselves and cooperate
to face the dangers externally
don’t forget the outside dangers are a
constant in a modern world the outside
dangers may be your competition that’s
trying to put you out of business or at
least steal your business it might be
the absent flows of the economy it might
be terrorism all of these unknowns all
trying to put you out of business take
away your job take away your livelihood
end it for you nothing personal it’s a
constant inside our organizations the
dangers we face are not a constant they
are a variable and they are the
decisions of leadership as to how safe
they make us feel when we go to work
this is the job of leaders Aesop said it
better than I can
does an Aesop fable about four oxen that
stand tailed to tail and whenever the
lion tries to eat them no matter what
angle from which he attacks he will
always be met with horns
however due to infighting and
disagreements they separate and they go
and graze in different parts of the
field and one by one the lion picks them
off and kills them all when we stand
together we can more easily face the
dangers outside when we break up inside
our companies if our leaders don’t allow
us a space to feel safe inside our own
companies to feel like we belong then we
have to we’re forced to exert our own
energy to protect ourselves from each
other and by the way expose ourselves to
greater danger from the outside if you
have to worry about politics if you have
to worry about someone stealing your
credit if you have to worry about your
boss not having your back think about
the energy you invest not in your
business not in the products you’re
trying to develop not in your work not
in how great you’re producing not in
your creativity but in just keeping
yourself feeling safe this is
destructive the responsibility of
leadership is two things one two
Herman who gets in and who doesn’t get
in this is what it means to start with
why what are our values what are our
beliefs who can we allow in second thing
is to decide how big this is how big do
we make the circle of safety how big do
we make the circle of belonging do we
keep it around just our c-level
executives and call it an inner circle
and allow others to try and fend for
themselves and maybe try and get into
our inner circle or do we extend it to
the outermost edges of the organization
great leaders extend the circle of
safety the circle of belonging out to
the outermost edges so the most junior
person feels like they belong feels safe
feels like they have top cover from
somebody like Johnny Bravo
that’s what these other two chemicals
are trying to do serotonin is the
leadership chemical is the responsible
for feelings of Pride and status when
you this is why public recognition is
very important we are social animals and
we need the recognition of others this
is why we have the Oscars and this is
why we have public awards events this is
why we have commencement for graduation
I mean think about it what does it
really take to get to graduate college
you need to pay your bills fulfill the
minimum requirements and and collect
enough credits that’s it right it’s a
formula you could get an email that says
congratulations
you fulfilled all the requirements for
graduation and clothes please print out
the PDF of your diploma PS magna cum
laude right
wouldn’t feel so good right so instead
we have a big ceremony to recognize the
accomplishment and in the audience we
put our family and our friends and our
teachers all of those in our tribe
who’ve supported us and watched our
backs as we’ve made it through and then
we show up on that day and we go up on
that stage and we take our diploma it
feels great
we feel our status rise we feel our
pride go up and by the way when you have
serotonin in your veins your confidence
goes up also and here’s the best part
about serotonin at the exact moment that
you took your diploma and you felt that
surge of serotonin go through your body
at the exact
moment your parents sitting in the
audience also got a surge of serotonin
and also felt an intense pride watching
you graduate and this is what serotonin
is trying to do it is trying to
reinforce the relationship between
parent and child boss and employee coach
and player the caregiver and the one who
is is Greta is grateful for the support
they are given and think about it listen
to the speeches that we give if you give
an award to somebody what do they say I
couldn’t have done it I thank God I
thank my parents I thank my coach
we thank the person who we believed was
looking out for us we could not have
done this without them we say and they
look at us and they say it’s so proud of
you and we work to make them proud great
teams don’t want to win the trophy great
teams want to win one for the coach they
want to make the coach proud we want to
make our parents proud and it raises our
status and it raises our confidence and
it feels good and we internal will look
after others so that they may accomplish
the same this is what serotonin is
trying desperately to do the problem is
you can trick serotonin we live in a
materialist society so we judge status
very often in our country based on how
much money you make right so any
conspicuous display of wealth raises
your status this is why they put the
logos on the outside no good on the
inside nobody can see them we want the
red line of ours our proud of glasses
how good you you own a pair of designer
shoes how good does it feel to put on
your Gucci shoes oh my god it feels so
good you walk out and you feel a million
bucks you can actually feel your
confidence rise when you put on you put
on the stuff right because it’s showing
this display of status it feels great
the problem is there was no real
relationship that was reinforced because
of it you tricked the system that’s why
we keep trying to accomplish things and
accumulate more and more material goods
and yet we never feel successful because
there was no relationship we tricked it
we gained it serotonin is the leadership
chemical the reason I call it the
leadership chemical is a historical
reason a very simple historical reason
we had a very practical problem as our
animal was developing as the Homo Sapien
was developing
we lived in communities of about a
hundred and a hundred and fifty people
and there’s a very practical issue which
is if we’re hungry and somebody brings
back food and drop a carcass on the
floor we’re all gonna rush in to eat and
if you’re lucky enough to be built like
a linebacker
you will elbow your way to the front and
if you’re the artistic one of the family
you get the elbow in the face not a good
system to keep the whole tribe alive and
definitely not a good system for
cooperation because remember the value
of group living means that if I trust
you and you trust me I can fall asleep
at night and trust that you will alert
me to danger if I don’t trust you I
can’t go to sleep at night it’s the same
in our companies if we trust each other
we will turn our backs we will take
risks we will innovate we will do things
that will change the course of our world
if I don’t trust you I can’t do that I
can’t do that there’s value in group
living and group working and so if you
got an elbow in the face that afternoon
odds are very high that you’re not gonna
wake the guy who punched you if dangers
there you’re just not gonna do it bad
system and so we evolved into
hierarchical animals we’re constantly
assessing and judging each other
constantly arranging ourselves who’s the
Alpha who’s the dominant who’s the one
who sort of is the is that is the more
dominant personality or dominant talent
in the room in caveman times that might
have been physical muscle in the
creative industry it might be talent in
you know the military might be courage
there’s no standard by which we judge
alphas it’s relative to the industries
were in and it’s relative to us as well
if you’ve ever met someone and you were
nervous while you were meeting them
you’re not the alpha we’ve all had the
experience where we’re meeting somebody
and we can sense that they’re nervous
meeting us you’re the Alpha I’ll tell
you a little aside that’s kind of funny
you know when women all live together
their menstrual cycles align right
assuming they’re not on the pill then it
doesn’t work right but if they’re not on
the pill that all the menstrual cycles
go together on the same schedule it’s
not arbitrary
they always align with the alpha females
schedule and the reason is is
because when a woman is in her menstrual
cycle she can’t bear children and so in
evolutionary terms you want the alpha
male the alpha female to to do it so you
can have alpha children right nice
strong strapping kids are gonna survive
but if she’s off the market that
produces competition so mother nature
has in created a very clever way that
when she’s off the market everyone’s off
the market back to the talk so we’re
constantly judging and assessing each
other who’s alpha right and what we do
is when we assess that someone else is
the Alpha we voluntarily take a step
back and allow them to eat first alphas
get first choice of meat and first
choice of mate good system good system
the Alpha gets to eat first the rest of
us may not get the best cut of meat but
we will get to eat eventually and we
won’t get an elbow in the face good
system will happily alert them to danger
later good system this is why we’re
constantly trying to raise our status is
because there are benefits to being the
Alpha people will do things for us and
step back and offer us favors right
we’re and we to this day we’re perfectly
comfortable giving special treatment to
our alphas no one has a problem that
your boss makes more money than you you
might think he’s an ass but you don’t
have a problem that he makes more money
nobody has a problem that somebody
outranked who outranks us at work has a
bigger office than us doesn’t offend us
it is deeply ingrained in us we happily
step aside and allow our alphas first
choice of meat and first choice of mate
it’s good to be the king there are
advantages that come with being the
Alpha you get special treatment you get
to eat first
people show you love and respect it
boosts the serotonin you walk around
like this it boosts your confidence it’s
awesome but it comes at a cost
you see the group is not stupid
we’re not giving all of that stuff away
for free leadership alpha comes at a
cost
you see we expect that when danger
threatens us from the outside that the
person who’s actually stronger the
person who’s better fed and the person
who is actually teeming with
serotonin and actually has higher
confidence of the rest of us we expect
them to run towards the danger to
protect us this is what it means to be a
leader the cost of leadership is
self-interest if you’re not willing to
give up your perks when it matters then
you probably shouldn’t get promoted you
might be an authority but you will not
be a leader leadership comes at a cost
you don’t get to do less work when you
get more senior you have to do more work
and the more work you have to do is put
yourself at risk to look after others
that is the anthropological definition
of what a leader is this is why we’re so
offended by these banker boys who pay
themselves astronomical salaries it has
nothing to do with the number it has to
do with the fact that they have violated
a deep-seated social contract we know
that they made all of that money and
allowed their people to be sacrificed in
fact they may have sacrificed their
people for the money if I told you we’re
gonna give a hundred and fifty million
dollars to Nelson Mandela would anyone
have a problem with that nope two
hundred and fifty million dollars to
mother Teresa got an issue with it no
it’s not the number it’s not the amount
of money they make it’s that we are
deeply and viscerally offended that we
know that we allowed them to have this
alpha position and they did not fulfill
their responsibility of the Alpha
they’re supposed to sacrifice themselves
for us never sacrifice us for themselves
this is why we’re angry and offended and
don’t trust them they fail oh there’s
more
[Music]
oxytocin this is the best chemical of
all oxytocin is the feeling of love and
trust and friendship it’s all the warm
and fuzzies it’s all the unicorns and
rainbows it’s the reason we like to
spend time with our friends even if we
don’t do anything with them we just
simply watch TV we love their company I
promise you nearly every single person
sitting in this room today chose the
person they’re sitting next to you’re
not sitting next to a stranger you’re
sitting next to somebody you met came
with or or kind of know a little bit why
because it makes you feel safer doesn’t
it if you got up and went and sat next
to strangers wouldn’t feel so good
that’s the feeling of oxytocin oxytocin
is that intense feeling of safety that
someone’s got your back there are
multiple ways you can get oxytocin one
way to get it is physical contact
hugging feels wonderful right this when
women give birth to children huge surge
of oxytocin in their body this is what’s
responsible for the mother parent that
the mother-child bond right it’s all
that oxytocin in the system this is why
shaking hands matters imagine you’re
doing the deal with someone and you’re
ready to sign the contract and you say
I’m so excited to do business with you
and they go I don’t need to shake let’s
sign the contract I’m also excited to do
business with you you go great
well let’s shake on it then they go no
no no I agree to all the terms let’s get
this deal done I can’t wait to work with
you there you might get everything you
want in the contract but business
relationships are not rational
they’re about feeling safe they’re about
feeling we belong it’s human and one of
the ways we want to know that that
relationship is solidified is with
physical touch
they’re simple refusal to touch you to
exchange that oxytocin means one of two
things will happen
you will either completely scuttle the
deal or you will go into it
nervous human bonds matter another way
you can get oxytocin is through acts of
human generosity an act of human
generosity is defined as giving of your
time and energy and expecting nothing in
turn money doesn’t work sorry if I told
you that this morning I gave a thousand
dollars to charity what would you think
of me you’d be like good for you what do
you want to metal but if I told you that
last Saturday I gave up my day and I
went and painted schools in the inner
city then what would you think you’d be
like nice cool I should do more right
the the value of my labor much less than
a thousand dollars could have hired many
more people for a thousand dollars to go
paint schools in the inner city but you
see as human beings we put a premium on
time because it is an equal commodity
and it is a non redeemable commodity you
spend money you make money you spend
time you’ll never get it back some of
you are sitting in this room right now
saying I will never get this time back
I got nothing for you so we put a
premium on people who give us their time
and energy a leader who says to you I’ll
pay for something for you is not a
leader a leader comes and sits down next
to you and says how can I help you is a
leader I was talking to some oil
executives and they were trying to
convince me that they really care about
how fulfilled and how happy their
employees are at work to which I said no
you don’t and they said no we do and I
said no you don’t and they said yeah we
do you see how this win and I said I bet
you hired some high-priced consultancy
to come and do a web survey about
whether people like their jobs or not
and they said well we didn’t hire a
consultancy I said okay so it’s kind of
like sending your son an email right
dear son your mother and I care that you
feel like a valuable part of this family
please tell us candidly what we can do
better so that you feel like you belong
here because we really love you love dad
or you go into his room you sit on his
bed and you say hey son your mom and I
really care that you feel like a
valuable member of this family
please tell us candidly what we can do
better because we want you to feel like
you belong and we really love you same
words same intention same desire the
difference is one you gave time and
energy and the other one you didn’t this
is the problem with email it’s too easy
it’s too easy
there’s no time and energy expended it’s
too easy don’t feel anything if I come
to your house for dinner you make me a
lovely dinner the next day I send you a
very nice thank you email what a
wonderful host you are or three days
later you receive a handwritten note
from me with the exact same words that
were written in the email which one
makes you feel better and written note
the sentiment was the same the words
were the same the difference is one took
a little more time and a little more
energy leaders are the ones who give us
their time and give us their energy not
the ones who give us their money it
doesn’t count doesn’t work just
biologically doesn’t work this is how
you get oxytocin doing nice things for
people that require that you sacrifice a
little bit of time a little bit of
energy something you will never get back
and if you expect something in return
then you weren’t really giving in the
first place you take someone out for
dinner because you want them to hire you
you’re not really taking them out for
you want something in return it’s just a
protracted transaction it’s not
relationship building it’s nonsense I
was walking down the streets of New York
true story and guy in front of me his
backpack opened a bunch of paper filled
spilled out on the on the street didn’t
think much of it I bent down gathered
the papers up handed them back to him
and pointed out that his bag had opened
I did a small act of generosity for
somebody I got a small burst of oxytocin
I felt good also the person on the
receiving end of the act of generosity
feels good they get a shot of oxytocin
he felt good he says thanks I get to the
end of the block and I’m standing
waiting to cross the street and a guy
who’s also happens to be standing
waiting to cross the street turns around
true story turns around and says to me I
saw what you did back there that was
really cool
as it turns out witnessing acts of human
generosity release oxytocin remember our
bodies are trying to get us to repeat
behaviors that are in our best interest
and it’s making us feel good when we see
or do acts of human generosity so that
we will do them in fact the more
oxytocin you have in your body the more
generous you actually become in others
the more you do the more you want to do
it gets better than that
lots of oxytocin in your body inhibits
addiction it makes it very difficult to
get addicted to something when you have
lots of oxytocin your body actually hits
addiction it boosts your immune system
it makes you healthier
that’s why happy people live longer it’s
why couples live longer
oxytocin it actually is good for us it
increases our ability to solve problems
it increases our creativity it’s really
good for us and it’s not addictive it
just feels great it takes time to build
up though you know if I I went on a date
with a girl the other day there’s a
first date we totally got along great
we’re gonna get married why are you
laughing that’s my social life
the reason you laugh is because you
inherently know that I cannot form a
bond of trust strong enough to get
married in seven days you know that why
don’t you go on a couple more days but
inherently you know that right but if I
told you that I’ve been dating somebody
for seven years and we’re not married
yet what do you say
what’s wrong in other words we know that
that bond of trust takes more than seven
days in less than seven years don’t know
how long it takes them so when you start
a new job and you’re really excited to
work there and they’re really excited to
have you don’t quite feel like you
belong you don’t quite feel like you’re
trusted yet right even though you were
really excited they’re like that takes
time
and you have to do little acts of
generosity and make little sacrifices do
little things for people not big risk
small risks it’s like dating you know
you don’t start by buying them a diamond
you start by taking them for lunch
buying them a drink you know little bits
then they take you out or that you take
them out again you do something a little
bigger then you do that in a movie then
they come over and then you buy them
flowers and then you say I love you and
one day you wake up in the morning it’s
like you press this belief button you
just I I’m in love I don’t know when it
happened just clicks and you feel like
you belong same thing at work same thing
at work it just clicks and you feel like
you belong because you got enough
oxytocin built up in your system
we don’t allow this to happen we’re too
busy sending emails we’re too busy
sending emails the next time you want to
tell somebody something email is
fantastic for the exchange of
information right it’s fantastic here’s
the report you wanted the meetings at
four o’clock fantastic what did you
think of my idea do not reply on an
email that’s an emotional question email
is a rational tool you get up from your
desk you walk the 30 feet and you say
wanted to tell you what I thought of
your idea
and I promise you not only will that
information be better received but you
will start to create relationship
because oxytocin starts to get released
if you can’t get up and walk 30 feet
pick up the telephone I’ve done it it’s
an amazing thing you pick up the phone
you go hey they’re like hey what’s the
matter they’re like no I’m just I’m just
replying to your email
wanted to tell you what I thought what
and people who tell me but I need a
paper trail have the conversation hang
up and say just to confirm what we
talked about boom there’s your paper
trail the reason we get so many emails
is because we reply to them all and
twelve emails are sent and then somebody
misunderstands something and somebody
gets angry and then you have to pick up
the phone and deal with it anyway – at
the beginning quicker easier better
biology give your time and give your
energy and this is why leadership is
really difficult but you can’t give it
to everyone because you don’t have
enough to give to everyone you just
can’t you have to make sure that you can
trust others to trust others to trust
others to trust others and this is what
happens in the circle of belonging in
the circle of safety this is what
effective bureaucracy is which is as the
CEO as the leader or whatever your job
is you have one responsibility and one
responsibility only which is to make
sure the people you know that you have
physical contact with you know their
names
our confident and feel looked after and
encouraged them to do the same for the
big ones who work beneath them who brew
neat work beneath them who work beneath
them and when this group of people
really feel safe then they will invite
in the customer to also feel safe they
will talk to these people as if they are
human I actually flew in an airline
recently and I was I was appalled at how
I was treated it was disgusting it was
like cattle right and I said something I
said why do you treat people like cattle
and she literally said to me I’m sorry
sir I have to do it or I’ll lose my job
what did she tell me my organization
that I work for it doesn’t make me feel
safe I don’t feel like I look like I
belong so I’m gonna treat you like dirt
to protect myself as opposed to somebody
who feels safest says sir I will do
everything in my power to make sure that
you feel happy and good because I’m not
worried that’s called a highly effective
organization there’s one more chemical I
haven’t told you about
the Big C cortisol cortisol is the
feeling of stress and the feeling of
anxiety we share these chemicals with
all the social mammals and so when you
see a herd of gizelle you vol seen the
documentary on discovery or whatever
right and see a herd of gazelle grazing
and one of them thinks they hear a
rustle in the grass and they go head
right
that’s what cortisol does cortisol is
designed to keep us alive it is the
first stage of fight-or-flight
it makes us paranoid it makes all of our
senses hyper attuned to look for danger
it injects glucose into our muscles to
make us stiff and ready to go in case we
need to fight or flight it increases our
heart rate like crazy right and it makes
us start looking it makes us paranoid to
find the danger and the cool thing about
cortisol when you work in a social
environment is if other people sense
that you’re nervous they get nervous so
all the other gazelle go they didn’t
hear anything they just saw Steve over
there it really freaked out and so they
got all freaked out and now they all
start looking for the danger good system
and one of them who didn’t even hear the
initial rustle in the grass sees the
lion runs they all run they all live
another day good system so that when we
go to work and somebody says I think
there’s gonna be layoffs all of us are
like what do you mean wait there’s gonna
be we’re all paranoid now we’re all
freaked I shouldn’t have talked in that
meeting ah we start to get crazy we
start to get paranoid our hearts start
to race
so what cortisol does it’s trying to
keep us alive you wake up in the middle
of the night you hear a bump in the
middle of the night what’s the first
thing you do you wake the person next to
you and then what do they do they go and
if there’s nothing there you go and
trust your eyes right you go looking for
it we’re visual animals right if there’s
nothing there you go like this cortisol
leaves our body and we relax and a
heartbeat goes back down cortisol to get
all of that extra energy to make us
paranoid to make us self interested it
needs to shut down non-essential system
because it has to get it from somewhere
right so it shuts off things like growth
you don’t need your fingernails to grow
at that moment shuts it off the other
thing it shuts off is our immune system
don’t need it in that moment the problem
is you’re not supposed to have cortisol
in your system all the time you’re
supposed to have it in and then gone and
when we go to work in a place that
doesn’t make us feel like we belong that
doesn’t make us feel safe when we’re at
work guess what we got little bits of
cortisol dripping in our body drip drip
drip drip makes his paranoid drip I know
my boss hates me I know he hates me I
hate he hates all my ideas I know it
drip drip it makes it self-interested
one of the things cortisol does it
inhibits the release of oxytocin
biologically if you work in a
high-stress environment where you don’t
feel safe you were biologically less
empathetic and less generous we don’t
care about each other because we’re too
busy trying to protect ourselves drip
drip drip our immune systems are now
compromised drip drip drip we live in
the country with some of the best
medical education in the world some of
the best medical systems in the world
some of the best doctors in the world
some of the best hospitals in the world
some the best medicines in the world
please explain to me why diabetes is on
the rise
heart disease is on the rise some
cancers are on the rise it ain’t hot
partially hydrogenated oils our jobs are
killing us and the people who
responsible are the leaders and we also
know that parents who come home stressed
out their kids learn that this is what
work is that work is something that
makes you short-tempered and and unhappy
and so they expect it as they grow older
worse we know that parents who come home
upset and angry it has such a negative
impact on their children that there’s
some studies that show that they might
actually become bullies because of their
unhappy parents who hate their jobs and
have excessive amounts of stress our
companies are literally killing us so
what are you gonna do about it what are
you do about it
leadership is not a ranked leadership is
not a position
leadership is a decision leadership is a
choice it has nothing to do with your
position in the organization if you
decide to look after the person to the
left of you and look after the person to
the right of you you have become a
leader you’ve seen the movie 300 right
the Spartans the greatest fighting force
of all time you want to know one of the
things that made the Spartans great
wasn’t their muscles wasn’t their spears
it was their shields they stood shield
to shield and the Phalanx was stronger
because they all those shields were big
and they were told when they were young
children you either bring your shield
home or you come home on your shield the
punishment for for losing your shield
was tremendous in battle because if you
lost your shield that means you cannot
protect the person to the left of you
and the person to the right of you and
you have destroyed the Phalanx it’s the
shield that matters not the spear not
the spear
it’s your willingness to sacrifice
yourself not your life maybe your credit
maybe your a little time maybe a little
energy maybe your tough you know maybe
getting up from your desk and talk to
somebody for 30 minutes instead of
sending a three-minute email
it’s your willingness to sacrifice for
someone to hold that shield up so that
they feel safe that makes you a leader
and you want to know how you beat a
dopamine addiction if you’re worried
that you’re addicted to performance and
all this dopamine things Alcoholics
Anonymous has been highly effective for
decades 80 something years we all know
the first step of the 12 steps we joke
about it right admit you have a problem
did you know the twelfth step don’t say
it’s supposed to be anonymous
I’ll tell you what the twelfth step is
Alcoholics Anonymous knows that if you
master all eleven steps but not the
twelfth you will drink again if you
master the twelfth step you will beat
the disease what’s the twelfth step the
twelfth step is the commitment to help
another alcoholic service service to
another oxytocin wins Sara Tosun when
serotonin wins the more we look after
each other the safer we feel the more we
feel like we belong and the more we will
work together to confront the dangers
outside do this for others and others
will become Johnny Bravo thanks very
much I have five little rules that you
can follow as you find your spark and
bring your spark to life the first is to
go after the things that you want let me
tell you a story so a friend of mine and
I we went for a run in Central Park the
Roadrunners organization on the weekends
they host races and it’s very common at
the end of the race they’ll have a
sponsor who will give away something
apples or bagels or something and on
this particular day when we got to the
end of the run there were some free
bagels and they had picnic tables set up
and on one side was a group of
volunteers on the table were boxes of
bagels and on the other side was a long
line of runners waiting to get their
free bagel so I said to my friend let’s
let’s get a bagel and he looked at me
and said that lines too long and I said
free bagel and he said I don’t want to
wait in line and I was like free bagel
and he says not let’s it’s too long and
that’s when I realized that there’s two
ways to see the world some people see
the thing that they want and some people
see the thing that prevents them from
getting the thing that they want I could
only see the bagels he could only see
the line and so I walked up to the line
I leaned in between two people put my
hand in the box
and pulled out two bagels and no one got
mad at me because the rule is you can go
after whatever you want
you just cannot deny anyone else to go
after whatever they want
now I had to sacrifice choice I didn’t
get to choose which bagel I got I got
whatever I pulled out but I didn’t have
to wait in line so the point is is you
don’t have to wait in line you don’t
have to do it the way everybody else has
done it you can do it your way you can
break the rules you just can’t get in
the way of somebody else getting what
they want
[Music]
rule number two I like this
in the 18th century
there was something that spread across
Europe and eventually made its way to
America
also known as the black death of
childbed basically what was happening is
women were
and they would die within 48 hours after
giving birth
this black death of childbirth
ravage of Europe and he got worse and
worse and worse through force per
century in some hospitals it was as high
as 70 percent of women who gave birth
who would die as a result of people
birth
but this was the Renaissance this was
the time of empirical data science and
we had thrown away things like tradition
and mysticism these were men of science
these were doctors and these doctors and
men of science wanted to study and try
and find the reason for this black death
of childbed and so they got to work
studying and they would study the
corpses of the of the women who had died
and in the morning they would conduct
autopsies and then in the afternoon they
would go and deliver babies and finish
their rounds and it wasn’t until
somewhere in the mid 1800s that dr.
Oliver Wendell Holmes father of Supreme
Court justice Oliver Wendell Holmes
realized that all of these doctors who
conducting autopsies in the morning who
weren’t washing their hands before they
delivered babies in the afternoon and he
pointed it out and said guys you’re the
problem and they ignored him and called
him crazy
for 30 years until finally somebody
realized that if they simply washed
their hands it would go away and that’s
exactly what happened when they started
sterilizing their instruments and
washing their hands the black death of
child bed disappeared my point is the
lesson here is sometimes you’re the
problem we’ve seen this happen all too
recently with our new men of science and
empirical studies these men of Finance
who are smarter than the rest of us
until the thing collapsed and they
blamed everything else except themselves
and my point is is take accountability
for your actions you can take all the
credit in the world for the things that
you do right as long as you also take
responsibility for the things you do
wrong it must be a balanced equation you
don’t get it one way and not the other
you get to take credit when you also
take accountability that’s lesson 2
lesson 3 take care of each other the
United States Navy SEALs are perhaps the
most elite warriors in the world and one
of the seals was asked who makes it
through the selection process who is
able to become a seal and his answer was
I can’t tell you the kind of person that
becomes a seal I can’t tell you the kind
of person that makes it through buds
but I can tell you the kind of people
who don’t become seals
he says the guys that show up with huge
bulging muscles covered in tattoos who
want to prove to the world how tough
they are none of them make it through
he said the preening leaders who like to
delegate all their responsibilities and
never do anything themselves none of
them
said the star college athletes we’ve
never really been tested to the core of
their being
he says some of the guys that make it
through were skinny
scorning said some of the guys that make
it through you will see them shivering
out of fear
says however
[Music]
when they find themselves physically
spent emotions
where they have nothing left to give
physically or emotionally somehow some
way they are able to find the energy to
dig down deep inside themselves to find
the energy to help the guy next to them
they become seals he said you want to be
an elite warrior it’s not about how
tough you are it’s not about how smart
you are it’s not about how fast you are
if you want to be an elite warrior
you better get really really good at
helping the person to the left of you
and helping the person to the right of
you because that’s how people advanced
in the world the world is too dangerous
in the world is too difficult for you to
think that you can do these things alone
if you find your spark I commend you now
who you gonna ask for help and what are
you gonna accept help when it’s offered
learn that skill learn by practicing
helping each other it’ll be the single
most valuable thing you ever learn in
your entire life to accept help when
it’s offered and to ask for it when you
know that you can’t do it the amazing
thing is when you learn to ask for help
you’ll discover that there are people
all around you who’ve always wanted to
help you
they just didn’t think you needed it
because you kept pretending that you had
everything under control and the minute
you say I don’t know what I’m doing I’m
stuck I’m scared I don’t think I can do
this you will find that lots of people
who love you will rush in and take care
of you but that’ll only happen if you
learn to take care of them first
lesson four Nelson Mandela is a
particularly special case study in the
leadership world because he is
universally regarded as a great leader
you can take other personalities and
depending on the nation you go to we
have different opinions about other
personalities but Nelson Mandela across
the world is universally regarded as a
great leader he was actually the son of
a tribal chief and he was asked one day
how did you learn to be a great leader
and he responded that he would go with
his father to tribal meetings and he
remembers two things when his father
would meet with other elders one they
would always sit in a circle and to his
father was always the last to speak
you’ll be told for a full life
I would say that you need to learn to be
the last to speak I see it in boardrooms
every day of the week even people who
consider themselves good leaders who may
actually be a decent leaders will walk
into a room and say here’s the problem
here’s what I think but I’m interested
in your opinion let’s go around the room
it’s too late
the skill to hold your opinions to
yourself until everyone has spoken
it’s one it gives everybody else the
feeling that they have been heard the
give way gives everyone else – the
ability to feel that they have
contributed and two you get the benefit
of hearing what everybody else has to
think before you render the skill is
really
your opinions to yourself if you agree
with somebody don’t not yes if you
disagree with somebody
simply sit there take it all in and the
only thing you’re allowed to do is ask
questions so that you can understand
what they need and why they have the
opinion that they had you must
understand from where they are speaking
why they have the opinion they have not
just what they are saying and at the end
you will get your turn it sounds easy
it’s not practice being the last to
speak
that’s what Nelson Mandela did number
three number five this Monty Python one
two five three four all the other nerds
in the audience there’s one number five
my favorite one of all true story
there was a former Undersecretary of
Defense who was invited to give a speech
at a large conference about a thousand
people and he was standing on the stage
with his cup of coffee and a Styrofoam
cup giving his prepared remarks with his
PowerPoint behind him and he took a sip
of his coffee and he smiled and he
looked down at the coffee and then he
went off-script
and he said you know last year I spoke
at this exact same conference last year
I was still the undersecretary and when
I spoke here last year they flew me here
business class and when I arrived at the
airport there was somebody waiting for
me to take me to my hotel and they took
me to my hotel and they had already
checked me in and they just took me up
to my room and the next morning I came
downstairs and there was someone waiting
in the lobby to greet me and they drove
me to this here same venue they took me
through the back entrance and took me
into the greenroom in
landed me a coffee cup of coffee in a
beautiful ceramic cup
he says I’m no longer the undersecretary
I flew here coach I took a taxi to my
hotel and I checked myself in when I
came down the lobby this morning I took
another taxi to this venue I came in the
front door and found my way backstage
and when I asked someone do you have any
coffee he pointed to the coffee machine
in the corner and I poured myself a cup
of coffee into this here Styrofoam cup
he says the lesson is the ceramic cup
was never meant for me it was meant for
the position I held I deserved a
Styrofoam cup
remember this as you gain Fame as you
gain fortune as you gain position and
seniority people
cheat you better they will hold doors
open for you they will get you a cup of
tea and coffee without you even asking
they will call you sir and man and they
will give you stuff none of that stuff
is meant for you
that stuff is meant for the position you
: is meant for the level that you have
achieved a leader or success or whatever
you want to call it but you will always
a styrofoam remember that remember that
lesson of humility and gratitude you
accept all the free stuff you can accept
all the perks absolutely you could enjoy
them but just be grateful for them and
know that they’re not for you I remember
getting off the Acela they took the
Acela from New York to Washington DC and
I got off the train like everybody else
and I was walking down the platform like
everyone else and I walked past general
Norrish Ward’s who used to be a chief of
staff of the United States Air Force the
head of the Air Force and here I did you
see a guy in a suit slapping his own
suitcase down the platform just like me
and just a couple months ago he was
flying on private jets and an entourage
and other people carried his luggage but
he no longer held the position and so
now he got to drag his own suitcase and
never did it sort of remind me more that
none of us deserve the perks that we get
we all deserve a Styrofoam cup I get
invited to speak to a lot of remarkable
and fascinating audiences who are doing
remarkable things but they do what they
do and I do what I do and so it’s
particularly special for me to talk to
an audience where I’m one of you and
you’re one of me I feel at home here and
I can’t tell you how wonderful everybody
has been as I’ve been working on so
thank you this one’s very special for me
the concept of entrepreneurship is also
interesting to me I think there’s a lot
of people who like to say I’m an
entrepreneur but most don’t really know
what it means an entrepreneur sees what
they want and they set out to get it an
entrepreneur sees the things that
prevent them from getting what they want
and that’s the difference that’s the
difference
at the end of the day an entrepreneur is
a problem solver they are not turned off
by long lines they are not turned off by
things that will get in the way they are
not turned off by things that will make
things difficult they see what they want
and they find a way to get it they don’t
do it in a way that hurts anybody they
don’t do it in a way that denies anybody
else their desire to get what they want
they don’t judge others for doing it the
other way they might make them
uncomfortable but they don’t judge them
but they get what they want but first
they have to know what they want and the
question is what do you want you want to
build a business you need employees if
you have employees you have people gonna
help your business think about it at the
end of the day you’re asking them to
help build your dream you’re asking them
to come on board and help you get what
you want even if they’re not employees
they’re just friends support is why
should they help you this is what it
means to be a leader so let’s define a
leader what is a leader a leader is just
that it’s one who leads but a leader to
be a leader must have followers you’re
not a leader
unless there are those who volunteer to
follow you you cannot force someone to
follow you
they have to choose to follow you
whether their customers are employees
friends investors supporters they choose
they volunteer to help you get what you
want why should they why should they
bother what leaders do is they inspire
people to be a part of what they’re
doing they inspire people to follow in
the direction that they are going at the
end of the day there are only two ways
to influence human behavior
you can either manipulate it or you can
inspire it those are your options we all
know how manipulation works the
manipulation in business right you drop
your price low enough people will do
business with you this is the concept
behind a sale things a price to move it
works it’s manipulative promotions two
for one free toy inside or if you in the
b2b space we call it value-added the
same idea it’s a promotion it’s giving
stuff away for free to reduce someone’s
risks they’ll choose you over the
competition we see manipulation a lot in
marketing fear wonderful manipulator any
parents in the audience you know exactly
what I’m talking about
fear is a wonderful manipulator you get
people do all kinds of things we’re
often told you have to be aspirational
yes it’s good to be positive but it’s
still a manipulation I like to joke that
you can get people to join the gym with
an aspirational message but to get them
to go 3 days a week that requires a
little bit of inspiration or what a lot
of organizations like to call innovation
it’s really novelty right because real
innovation changes the course of
industries of not society the fax
machine the microwave the light bulb
iTunes that’s real innovation adding a
camera to your cell phone wonderful
feature not an innovation it is
stressful to be a consumer these days it
is stressful to try to decide what to
buy when you are bombarded day after day
with manipulation from all kinds of
organizations which TV should I buy
which cell phone company should I go
with with which IT solution should I get
from my office it’s called stress
stressful to be a seller as well however
in the face of bombardment of
manipulation and manipulation
manipulation is that that’s that’s the
market place how do you get your message
to stand out how do you get your message
heard why should anyone listen to you
this is the world we live in today it’s
called stress
again I cannot dispute that every one of
those manipulations work they do that’s
why companies use them the problem is
none of them breed loyalty there’s an
alternative it’s called inspiration and
there are a few leaders and a few
organizations that rely vastly more in
inspiration the manipulation I’ll talk
about some of the big ones we know who
they are Apple computers Southwest
Airlines Harley Davidson virgin every
single one of these organizations these
leaders those with the ability to
inspire they have the most loyal
employees they have the most loyal
customers they can charge a premium if
they want to they’re more profitable
they’re more innovative my definition
and most importantly they can sustain
all these things for the long term what
I discovered is that regardless of their
size and regardless of their industry
every single one of these organizations
with the capacity to inspire they all
think act and communicate the exact same
way and it’s the complete opposite to
everyone else
all I did was write it down and it’s
probably the world’s simplest idea I
call it the Golden Circle imagine if you
will three concentric circles a
bull’s-eye in the middle is the word Y
the center ring is the word how and the
outside ring is the word what it’s this
little idea that distinguishes those
with a capacity to inspire versus
everyone else let me define the terms
really quickly starting from the outside
in every single organization on the
planet knows what they do these are the
products you sell or the services you
offer some know how they do it whether
you call it your differentiating value
proposition or your USP or your
proprietary process it’s the things that
you think make you special or different
or better than your competition but very
very few people and very very few
organizations can clearly state why they
do what they do and by why I don’t mean
to make money that’s a result by why I
mean what’s your purpose
what’s your cause what’s your belief why
does your company exist why did you go
out of bed this morning
and why should anyone care as a result
the way we think the way we act the way
we communicate is from the outside and
it’s obvious we go from the clearest
thing to the fuzziest thing we tell
people what we do we tell them how we’re
different or how we’re better and we
expect some sort of behavior a purchase
a vote support but not the inspired
leaders not the inspired organizations
regardless of their size regardless of
their industry every single one of them
thinks acts and communicates from the
inside out they all start with why let
me give you an example I use Apple a lot
because they’re easy to understand and
we all get it if Apple were like
everyone else piece of marketing from
them for example would sound like this
they would say what they do we make
great computers how do they do it
they’re beautifully designed simple to
use and user friendly want to buy one
that’s normal and that’s how most
organizations talk to us here’s our new
car it’s got tinted windows get great
gas mileage leather seats choose us
here’s our law firm our lawyers went to
all the best schools we want all of our
cases choose us but not the inspired
leaders not Apple they start with why
here’s how they actually communicate
everything we do they say we believe in
challenging the status quo we believe in
thinking differently
the way we challenge the status quo is
by making our products beautifully
designed simple to use and user friendly
we just happen to make great computers
wanna buy one totally different totally
different no trickery no manipulations
no celebrity endorsements all I did was
reverse the order of the information
when it starts to show us is that it’s
not what you do that matters it’s why
you do it people don’t buy what you do
they buy why you do it and what you do
simply serves as the tangible proof of
what you believe this is the reason why
every single person in this room is
perfectly comfortable buying a computer
from Apple we’re perfectly comfortable
with the idea that Apple makes mp3
players and phones and DVRs news flash
Apple is just a company that’s all they
are it’s a corporate structure they have
some good products and some bad ones all
of their competitors have equal and open
access to the same resources the same
agencies the same consultants the same
media the same talent it is a zero-sum
game every single one of their
competitors is equally qualified to make
every product that Apple makes and yet
how is it that this one company has an
unbalanced amount of influence an
unbalanced ability to innovate an
unbalanced amount of profitability an
unbalanced amount of loyalty amongst
their customers and in their employees
the difference is they haven’t defined
themselves by what they do they’ve
defined themselves by why they do it and
what they do simply serves the tangible
proof of what they believe Dell is a
good company that makes good products
and as every little bit qualified to
make every product that Apple makes a
few years ago they came out with PDAs
and mp3 players and nobody bought one
why would we buy an mp3 player from a
computer company it doesn’t make sense
but we do it every day the difference is
Dell has defined themselves by what they
do and Apple has define themselves by
why they exist
for this little idea to work you have to
have three things one you have to know
why you do what you do if you don’t know
why you do what you do how will anyone
else – you have to have discipline of
how you have to hold yourself and your
people accountable to your values and
your guiding principles and thirdly you
have to have consistency of what
everything you say and everything you do
everything must prove what you believe
at the end of the day why is just a
belief that’s all it is house are the
actions we take to realize that belief
and what are the results of those
actions the things we say the things we
do our products and services and
marketing etc and if what you say and
what you do doesn’t show what you
believe that no one will know what you
believe this is the concept behind
authenticity I’m tired and bored of
people standing on stage as telling us
all we have to be authentic how do you
implement authenticity if you would when
you go back to your office a little more
than to see everything you do appreciate
it things no clue what authenticity
means is that the things you say and the
things you do you actually believe this
is caveman stuff the reason the human
race is so successful is not because
we’re the strongest it’s not even
because with a smartest it’s because
we’re social animals it’s because we
have the ability to form cultures and
communities
what’s a culture what’s a community it’s
a group of people with a common set of
values and beliefs
what’s a company it’s a group of people
with a common set of values and beliefs
our need to be amongst people who
believe what I believe what we believe
is essential our survival depends on it
we cannot survive on Arps by ourselves
out in the wilderness
it is our communities that protect us
and look after us and are the reason the
human race succeeds when you are
surrounded by people who believe what
you believe something remarkable happens
Trust emerges
make no mistake of it trust is a feeling
it is a human experience simply doing
everything you promised your going to do
does not mean people will trust you just
means you’re responsible we all have
friends were total screw-ups and yet we
still trust them Trust is a feeling and
it comes from that common set of values
and beliefs and when you are surrounded
by people who trust you and you trust
them more likely to take a risk you’re
more likely to explore you’re more
likely to innovate you’re more likely to
leave the cave to go hunting
saber-toothed Tigers with the confidence
that those and your community will look
after your stuff and protect your
children while you’re gone your survival
depends on your ability to form trust
and trust can only be formed when you’re
surrounded by people who believe what
you believe and you can only be
surrounded by people who believe what
you believe if you know why you do what
you do how many of you either love your
macintosh computer or know somebody who
loves their macintosh computer ok good
bunch of you
you can always tell people who love
their max because when you try and
convince them that they actually bought
substandard computers they start foaming
at the mouth rationally speaking apples
are substandard they are there at least
25% more expensive sometimes double the
price of their PC counterparts there’s
less software there’s fewer peripherals
and I know because I switched to a Mac
they are absolutely slower than PCs
substandard and yet people who buy them
don’t even compare to the competition
they don’t do market research and try
and figure out which is the best
computer they’ve decided they’re only
gonna get a Mac and they buy them over
and over and over again and there are
young kids living on cup of noodles
because they can’t afford anything more
and yet it’s totally ok to spend $2,000
in a laptop this doesn’t make sense
there’s something deeper there’s
something deeper happening here
Apple stands for something the people
who are drawn to Apple the people who
believe in the same things that Apple
believes do so not because the computers
rationally better it’s because it
becomes a symbol one of the things that
they do that reflects their own beliefs
every decision we make in our lives as
individuals or organizations is a piece
of communication it tells the outside
world something about who we are it’s
the way we get the word out there are
people who walk around with
harley-davidson logos on their bodies
it’s a corporate logo some of them don’t
even own the product
but it’s no longer a logo because Harley
is so clear and why they do what they do
and what they believe and they’re so
disciplined and how they do it and
they’re so consistent in what they do
what ends up happening is everything
they say and everything they do their
products their logos become symbols
symbols of a set of values and beliefs
and the person who puts that Harley logo
there it’s nothing to do with the
motorcycle they’re telling you something
about who they are this is the reason
why people with Apple laptops love
opening their laptops on airports they
want everybody to see and you’ll never
see somebody with an Apple laptop put a
big tiger print sticker over the top of
their computer it’ll never happen
take a PC we don’t care what computer
you’re using and you put stickers all
over it make it pretty never it’s a
piece of communication the clearer you
are about what you believe the more
disciplined you are about how you do
things and the more consistent you are
and what you do everything you say and
everything you do then becomes a symbol
for that set of values and beliefs it’s
biology
it’s biology
if you look at a cross-section of the
human brain looking from the top down
the human brain evolved into three major
areas that corresponds with this little
idea the outside area the what level is
our newest brain our Homo Sapien brain
called our neocortex the neocortex is
responsible for all of our rational and
analytical thought and language the
middle two sections learn how make up
our limbic brains our limbic brains are
responsible for all of our feelings like
trust and loyalty it’s also responsible
for all human behavior all
decision-making and it has no capacity
for language in other words you can’t
ask your customers why do you do
business with us they can’t tell you the
part of the brain that controls behavior
does not control language so we
rationalize price service quality
features right but if you invest all
your money in price service quality
features how come you don’t win all the
customers and how come sometimes when
you’re not the best price service
quality features you still have loyal
customers there’s something deeper going
on
this is the reason when you ask those
people who love their max why do you
love your Mac they can’t tell you what
you see I’m the kind of person who likes
to challenge the status quo so it’s very
important for me to surround myself with
the people and the products the brands
that prove to the outside world who I
believe I am and biologically that’s
what happened but it happened with a
part of the brain that controls feelings
so they rationalize it’s the user
interface it’s the simplicity it’s the
design I’m a creative person whatever
that
it’s the same for us it’s the same for
other circumstances why do you love your
husband why do you love your wife that’s
a difficult question why do you love
your wife I don’t know that’s usually
where most people start right and then
they start rationalizing she’s fun she’s
always been there for me I can count on
her it sounds like a golden retriever
and those aren’t necessarily the
conditions for marriage my sister says
of my brother-in-law I love this
supposed to be a compliment this isn’t
my brother-in-law I never imagined I’d
marry a guy like him what she’s saying
is when I was younger and I made a
checklist of all the things that I
wanted my future husband what what what
he has none of them but I love him and I
want to have children with him and I
want to spend the rest of my life with
him it’s not rational we just think it’s
rational and again the part of the brain
that controls behavior and
decision-making and feelings doesn’t
control language this is where gut
decisions come from this is why we say I
don’t know just felt right why do we use
the verb to feel to describe a decision
it’s because the part of the brain that
controls feelings controls
decision-making that’s why there is no
part of your stomach that controls
decision-making and it didn’t happen in
your blood and it’s not in your bones
and you’re not following your heart we
ascribe it to all different parts of the
body because we can’t find the words it
just feels right and we all know that
those are higher quality decisions
anyway when all you can give her the
facts and figures as to why you should
or shouldn’t do in some do something the
highest level of confidence you can give
is I think this is the right decision
that would be biologically accurate but
we all know
they were cut there are decisions we
make in our lives that I know the facts
and figures say that we should do that
just doesn’t feel right though and you
ask the most successful entrepreneurs in
the world what’s your secret they all
say the same thing
trusted my gut trusted my gut and when
things didn’t go well I knew I should
have trusted my gut problem is it’s not
scalable not scalable we all have the
innate ability to find people who
believe what we believe our survival
depends on it we are human animals we
know how to do this if I ask you to go
out in the street and find all the
people who believe what you believe you
know exactly what to do you’re gonna go
up to somebody and you’re gonna strike
up a conversation maybe have good
chemistry right maybe you have to talk
them a little longer you’ll get a
feeling for them and it’ll either be
right or wrong right it’s called dating
it’s called making friends it’s called
interviewing we know how to do this we
know how to do this
it’s not skill
but if I asked you to go out on the
street and find all the people wearing
red hats easy there’s one there’s one
there’s one there’s one there’s one
instantaneously you can find the people
who believe what you believe because
they’re putting out symbols of their own
beliefs you people who love your Apple
computers don’t lie to me I know when
you’re walking through the airport you
see some sixteen year old sitting on the
floor you know on her Mac laptop you
walk past you go hey why’d you do that
leave her alone
some stranger just said hi to me tweet
it’s because when you see that symbol
that Apple that glowing Apple you’re
like oh how many of you are from the Las
Vegas area anybody couple of you okay
are you friends with everybody from Las
Vegas why not but when you go to Texas
and somebody says I’m from Las Vegas
you’re like hey hey I’m from Las Vegas
and you’re best friends and when you
were in France and you’re in vacation
and you happen to hear an American
accent and you go hey away from we’re
from Texas we’re from Las Vegas and
you’re best friends and the reason is is
because the most basic human desire on
the planet is to feel like we belong our
survival depends on it and when we are
in an environment where we know we don’t
belong we seek out anyone who may have
some of the same values and beliefs that
we have so we can form trust and rely on
each other watch each other’s backs
simply because we share the same values
and beliefs and as you get closer and
closer and closer you want to find those
people who believe what you believe
knowing what you believe means that you
can look for the symbols that Apple logo
says something that harley-davidson logo
says something and you’re either drawn
to it a repelled by it this is good
leadership is when you have the ability
to stand on the street corner and put on
your own red hat and simply stand there
and go I got a red hat I got a red hat I
got a red hat
and all the other people walking past
even though they can’t see their own red
hats even though they don’t know their
why they’re eerily drawn to you you’re
really drawn to you there’s an
inextricable link between leadership and
communication those who lead are the
ones who can clearly communicate what
they believe and those who can clearly
communicate what they believe are the
ones who lead the reason is simple
because when you talk about what you
believe and you put your beliefs and
your values and clear words or symbols
consistent enough authentic enough that
I know that everything you say and do
represents what you believe I will be
drawn to you for myself for my own
survival doing business with you working
for you being your friend says something
about Who I am the goal is not to do
business with everybody who needs what
you have the goal is to do business with
people who believe what you believe
people who believe what you believe will
work for you with blood and sweat and
tears people who don’t believe what you
believe work for your money the same is
true for customers those who believe
what you believe will go out of their
way to do business with you those who
don’t believe what you believe just want
a cheaper there’s a huge difference
between repeat business and loyalty
repeat business means I’m willing to do
business with you over and over and over
again
loyalty means I’m willing to turn down a
better product at a better price maybe
even suffer inconvenience to continue to
do business with you
the ones who you just happen to meet
some price standard you happen to meet
some of rational objectives that they’re
looking for they’ll do business with you
anyway if you happen to meet them why
would you ever focus on trying to
appease them they come and go it’s the
loyal ones
the people who believe what you believe
the ones who stick with use the thick
and thin because doing business with you
says more about them than it does about
you those are the ones that matter most
and the reason is simple it’s because of
something called the law of diffusion of
innovations the bell curve if you don’t
know the law of diffusion you definitely
know the terminology if you look at the
Bell it says the first two-and-a-half
percent of our population are our
innovators the next thirteen and a half
percent of our population are our early
adopters the next thirty four percent
are our early majority the next thirty
four percent are a late majority and the
last 16 percent at the end of the bell
are our laggards the only reason the
laggards by touch-tone phones because
you can’t buy rotary phones anymore we
all fit at various times of various
reasons across the scale the law of
diffusion tells us is that early adopter
and innovator population the left side
of the bell right the early adopter an
innovator side of the population they’re
very comfortable trusting their guts
they’re very comfortable making
intuitive decisions and they’re willing
to pay premiums and suffer inconvenience
and be a part of something that reflects
their beliefs these the people that
bought that stood in line for six hours
to buy iPhones when they first came out
even though you just walk into the store
the following week and just buy one off
the shelf these the people who spent 40
or 50 thousand dollars on flat-screen
TVs when they first came out even though
the technology was substandard and had
nothing to do with the technology it had
to do with them they wanted to be first
people who bought iPhone fours why
couldn’t they just keep their phone in
their pocket when the phone rings onto
the phone when they’re off the phone and
put it away no
I got one did you get one you didn’t get
one I got one they have to show you the
reason they have to show you is cuz
they’re telling you something about who
they are and other people who got one
first and they’re like oh you got one
too me to look isn’t it cool look you
both have one why do you have to compare
it’s because that come instead of values
and beliefs you found somebody like you
this is good this is good alright that’s
that early adopter and innovator
population they’re willing to pay a
premium or suffer inconvenience to be a
part of something that reflects their
beliefs now the rest of the world the
majority is absolutely more cynical and
more practical absolutely they
absolutely care more about things like
price and quality and service and
features absolutely the problem is
according to the law of diffusion you
cannot have mass market success or mass
market acceptance for an idea until
you’ve achieved 15 to 18 percent market
penetration that is the tipping point
and the reason is is because the early
majority that first 34 percent will not
try something until someone else has
tried at first this is the reason we
have to drop our price and offer
promotions and offer value added because
we have to reduce their risk to do
business with us
the innovator and the early adopters
happily pay premiums and suffering
convenience to do business with you the
goal is to get to that tipping point
it’s easy law of averages so you says
you can get 10% I promise you right now
you have 10% who are loyal how do we
describe them they just get it
don’t know what that means get what
what’s it oh you know there’s that
there’s other guys okay he doesn’t get
it that’s how we describe them it’s like
gut feelings get what how do you find
the people who get it before you do
business with them how do you identify
the it’s how do you find the people
wearing the red hats before you waste
all your time and energy you talk about
what you believe
I’ll give you two examples of famous
failure and a famous success first the
famous failure TiVo if you ask most
companies
why did your product fail or why did
your company fail they usually give you
some combination of the same few reasons
right undercapitalized didn’t have
enough money that’s a big one bad market
conditions we had the wrong people
poorly executed that pretty much
explains every failure there is some
combination of those those factors which
means if you have all of those that
means you should be successful right
okay so TiVo TiVo was introduced into
marketplace about nine or ten years ago
from the date was introduced to this
current day it is the single best
quality product on the market hands-down
undisputed his technology’s way beyond
any other DVR system the best execution
flawless venture-capital up the wazoo
money no problem brilliant engineers on
board at good people market conditions
remarkable the unaided awareness of
t-bo’s through the roof
we have t-bo’s a verb my Tivo stuff on
my piece of junk cable DVR right and if
you want to throw in first mover’s
advantage throw that into because they
had that as well TiVo is a commercial
and financial failure they’ve never made
money and when their stock went public
it launched about 40 or 50 dollars very
quickly plummeted and except for a
couple little blips as never traded
above ten dollars TiVo is a commercial
financial they
and the reason is because when they
launched this brilliant product they
attempted to tell the master but the
majority what their product does they
said to the majority we have a product
that pauses live TV skips commercials
memorizes your viewing habits and
records on your behalf without you even
asking and the cynical practical
majority said I don’t need it I don’t
like it I don’t believe you you’re
scaring me so did my one a few did few
early adopters did 10% you know to this
day they love their TiVo’s but it wasn’t
enough to make the system tip you see
now imagine if TiVo had told that left
side
as early adopters as innovators they had
just talked about why the product even
exists imagining a they have said if
you’re the kind of person who likes to
have total control over every aspect of
your life boy do we have a product for
you
it pauses live TV it skips commercials
it memorizes your viewing habits of a
course on your behalf of that
in this instance what the product does
serves as the tangible proof of why it
exists is not the reason you use to
convince people to do business more in
the first place people don’t buy what
you do they buy why you do it and what
you do serves as the tangible proof your
company is one of the things that you’re
doing in your life that proves who you
are the more you talk about what you
believe the more you talk about what you
actually believe the more likely you are
to attract people who believe what you
believe and they will help you because
they want to because they trust you
here’s another example my favorite one
in the summer of 1963 250,000 people
showed up on the mall in Washington to
hear dr. King give his famous I have a
dream speech there were no invitations
sent out there’s no website to check the
date how do you do that how many emails
did you get just a show up here today
I got7
[Music]
dr. King was not the only man in America
who knew what had to change to bring
about civil rights in this country dr.
King didn’t have all great ideas some of
his ideas were bad he was not the only
man who suffered in a pre-civil Rights
America in fact he suffered a little
less than some cuz he was off at
university and he wasn’t the perfect man
he had his complexities but we just
don’t talk about those things the
differences dr. King didn’t go around
telling people what we need to do what
we need to do what we need to do
he went around told people I believe I
believe I believe and people who
believed what he believed took his cause
and they made it their own and they told
people what they believed and those
people who believe what they believe
they took that same cause and they made
it their own and they told people that
they believed and some built structures
to get the word out more efficiently and
lo and behold on the right day on the
right time a quarter of a million people
showed up to hear him speak
how many of them showed up for him zero
they showed up for themselves it’s what
they believed about this country it’s
the country that they wanted to live in
it’s the country that they wanted to
raise their children and that inspired
them to get on a bus travel for eight
hours and stand in the Sun in the middle
of Washington simply to hear dr. King
speak simply coming to the rally was one
of the things they did in their lives to
prove what they believed by the way he
gave the I have a dream speech not the I
have a plan speech it’s not what you do
that matters it’s why you do it
it cannot change the world we love
buildin multi-million dollar
multi-billion dollar business by
yourself unscalable remember you and
your gut you can do very well not
scalable the only way to really grow is
to find those who believe what you
believe no willing to work with you with
blood and sweat and tears to help you
get there you know the story of the two
Stone layers these two stone layers
right you go to the first one to say how
do you like your job this is I mean I
like my job I’ve been working on this
wall for as long as I can remember
stones are heavy work is back-breaking
it’s monotonous I stand in the scorching
hot Sun all day and I don’t even know if
I’m gonna finish this wall in my
lifetime it’s a job that pays the bills
you go up the second guy and say how do
you like your job he says
I’m building a cathedral
sure I’ve been building this wall for as
long as I can remember sure the stones
are heavy and the work is back-breaking
and I stand in the scorching hot Sun all
day and it’s monotonous and I don’t even
know if you’re gonna finish this wall in
my lifetime but I’m building a cathedral
what they do is exactly the same this
guy might even be a champion stone layer
the only difference is that only one of
them knows why he shows up to work every
day and the guy who knows why does not
see himself as any more or less
important than the architect or the guy
doing the stained-glass windows a
landscaper they are all contributing to
building something that they believe in
that’s bigger than themselves a leader
is somebody who can put into words that
which does not exist yet the leader is
the one who stands there and says in
beautiful crystal clear words and he
describes that Cathedral that hasn’t
been built in words so clear that others
can take that image and they can pass it
on to others why are you working so hard
because I believe in it we’re building a
cathedral what Cathedral let me tell you
are you describing your Cathedral you’re
just telling people the wall at your
building the reason everybody showed up
here is because together we’re gonna
build a cathedral we are all
contributing to a world that we would
rather live in it’s the leaders of this
organization that are describing that
world the world in which we are in
control of our own lives a world in
which we live the life that we believe
we deserve
shouldn’t we all get that it’s the
reason I showed up here here’s a
statistic for you over 90 percent of
people go home feeling unfulfilled by
their work that’s a real statistic 90%
don’t feel fulfilled when they go home
at the end of the day I want to live in
a world in which the vast majority of
people love what they do I want to live
in a world in which the vast majority of
people do business with companies that
they trust and love they work with
people that they trust and love and they
go home happier because of it people who
go to work and love what they do come
home happier people and happier people
treat their spouses better and they
treat their kids better and they go back
to work happy the next day and they
treat their colleagues better and they
treat their customers better and those
people go home happier and they treat
their kids better and their spouses
better it’s called world peace
and it happens because of the likes of
all of us this is called scale
this is called scale
there are leaders and there are those
who lead leaders hold a position of
power or influence but those who lead
inspire us and whether they’re
individuals or organizations we follow
those who lead not because we have to
but because we want to we follow those
who lead not for them but for ourselves
this is for people who want to inspire
those around them or who want to find
somebody to inspire them I can say
without a doubt you inspire me thank you
very much
so I’m embarrassed that I have a career
I talk about things like trust and
cooperation and there should be no
demand for my work but the fact of the
matter is is there is demand for my work
which means that there’s an opportunity
it means that trust and cooperation are
not yet standard in our organizations
and yet they should be and we know that
which is why we’re looking for ways to
bring those things to our organizations
so I thought I would do something a
little different today you know when
you’re speaking to tens of thousands of
people and you have the opportunity to
share a message of course most rational
people would say let’s go with something
I’ve talked about lots of times and I’m
really good at but I’m not normal so I’m
gonna do something completely new and I
hope this works out there are two things
that I think that great leaders need to
have empathy and perspective and I think
these things are very often forgotten
leaders are so often so concerned about
their status of their position and
organization they actually forget their
real job and the real job of a leader is
not about being in charge it’s about
taking care of those in our charge
and I don’t think people realize this
and I don’t think people train for this
when we’re junior our only
responsibility is to be good at our jobs
that’s all we really have to do and some
people actually go get advanced
education so that they can be really
good at their jobs accountants or
whatever right and you show up and you
work hard and the company will give us
tons and tons of training how to do our
jobs they’ll show us how to use the
software they’ll send us away for a few
days to get trained in whatever it is
that we’re doing for the company and
then they expect us to go be good at our
jobs and that’s what we do we work very
hard and if you’re good at your job
they’ll pollute you and at some point
you’ll get promoted to position where
we’re now responsible for the people who
do the job we used to do but nobody
shows us how to do that and that’s why
we get managers and not leaders because
the reason our managers are
micromanaging us is because they
actually do know how do they do the job
better than us that’s what got them
promoted really what we have to do is go
through a transition some people make it
quickly some people make it slowly and
unfortunately some people will never
make that transition at all which is we
have to go this through this transition
of being responsible for the job and
then turning into somebody who’s now
responsible for the people who are
responsible for the job and as I said
before one of the great things that is
lacking in most of our companies is that
they are not teaching us how to lead and
leadership is a skill like any other is
a practice’ balloon able skill and it is
something that you work on it’s like a
muscle if you practice it all the days
you will get good at it and you will get
become a strong leader if you stop
practicing you will become a weak leader
like parenting everyone has the capacity
to be a parent doesn’t mean everybody
wants to be a parent and doesn’t mean
everybody should be a parent leadership
is the same we all have the capacity to
be a leader doesn’t mean everybody
should be a leader and it doesn’t mean
everybody wants to be a leader and the
reason is because it comes at great
personal sacrifice remember you’re not
in charge you’re responsible for those
you’re a charge that means things like
when everything goes right you have to
give away all the credit and when
everything goes wrong you have to take
all the responsibility that sucks right
it’s things like staying late to show
somebody what to do it’s things like
when something does actually break when
something goes wrong instead of yelling
and screaming and taking over you say
try again when the overwhelming
pressures are not on them the
overwhelming pressures are on us at the
end of the day great leaders are not
responsible for the job they’re
responsible for the people who
responsible for the job they’re not even
responsible for the results I love
talking to CEOs and say what’s your
priority and they put their hands on
their hips low proud and say my priority
is my customer I’m like really even talk
to a customer in 15 years
there’s no CEO on the planet responsible
for the customer they’re just not
they’re responsible for the people who
responsible for the people who
responsible for the customer I’ll tell
you a true story a few months ago I
stayed at the Four Seasons in Las Vegas
it is a wonderful hotel and the reason
it’s a wonderful hotel is not because of
the fancy beds any hotel can go and buy
a fancy bed the reason it’s a wonderful
hotel is because of the people who work
there
if you walk past somebody at the Four
Seasons in this and they say hello to
you you get the feeling that they
actually wanted to say hello to you it’s
not that somebody told them that you
have to say hello to all the customers
say hello to all the guests right you
actually feel that they care now in
their Lobby they have a coffee stand and
I one afternoon I went to buy a cup of
coffee and there was a barista by the
name of Noah who was serving me Noah was
fantastic he was friendly and fun and he
was engaging with me and I had so much
fun buying a cup of coffee I actually
think I gave a hundred percent tip right
he was wonderful so as is my nature
I asked Noah do you like your job and
without skipping a beat Noah says
I love my job and so I followed up I
said what is it that the Four Seasons is
doing that would make you say to me I
love my job without skipping a beat Noah
said throughout the day managers will
walk past me and ask me how I’m doing if
there’s anything that I need to do my
job better
he said not just my manager any manager
and then he said something magical he
says I also work at Caesar’s Palace and
Caesars at Caesar’s Palace the managers
are trying to make sure we’re doing
everything right they catch us when we
do things wrong he says when I go to
work there I like to keep my head under
the radar and just get through the day
so I can get my paycheck he says here at
the four seasons I feel I can be myself
same person entirely a different
experience from the from the customer
who will engage with Noah so we in
leadership are always criticizing the
people we’re always saying we got to get
the right people on the bus I’ve got to
fill my wrong my team I gotta get the
right people but the reality is it’s not
the people it’s the leadership if we
create the right environment we will get
people like Noah at the four seasons
if we create the wrong environment we
will get people like Noah at Caesar’s
Palace it’s not the people and yet we’re
so quick to hire and fire you can’t hire
and fire your children if there’s if
your kids are struggling we don’t say
you got to see at school you’re up for
adoption so why is it that when somebody
has performance problems at work why is
it that our instinct is to say you’re
out we do not practice empathy
what does empathy look like here’s the
lack of empathy this is normal in our
business world you walk into someone’s
office someone walks into our office and
says your numbers have been down for the
third quarter in a row you have to pick
up your numbers otherwise I can’t
guarantee what the future will look like
how inspired you think that person is to
come to work the next day here’s what
empathy looks like you walk into
someone’s office someone walks into your
office and says your numbers are down
for the
quarter in a row are you okay I’m
worried about you what’s going on
we all have performance issues maybe
someone’s kid is sick maybe they’re
having problems in their marriage maybe
one of their parents is dying we don’t
know what’s going on in their lives and
of course it will affect performance at
work empathy is being concerned about
the human being not just their output
and we have to practice empathy and one
of the groups that we are pretty bad at
practicing empathy with is our young
Millennials so let me show you what well
what empathy looks like listening to
understand trying to understand
someone’s point of view in this position
at a hundred percent of the talks that I
give her the meetings that I have
invariably someone will raise their hand
and ask about the Millennial problem
apparently this young generation is
unbeatable
apparently they have confounded every
single company in every single industry
and so now it’s at the point where
companies have given up and are now just
asking Millennials what do you want and
so they say we want free food and bean
bags and so now every company has free
food and bean bags and guess what
nothing has changed so what I thought we
would do what I thought I’d do is show
you what empathy looks like how do we
practice empathy with someone we don’t
understand how do we practice empathy
with an organization or a group that
we’re struggling with right so we have
to understand that it breaks down to
four things
I’ve broken it down into parenting
technology impatience and environment
let’s talk about parenting first too
many Millennials have grown up subject
to what has been described as a failed
parenting strategy too many of them were
told as they were growing up that they
were special that they can have whatever
they want just because they want it they
got medals for coming in last they got
participation medals right and the
science and this is already good we know
that it devalues the feeling that
somebody who works hard and comes in
first place and it actually makes the
person who comes in last embarrassed
because they know they don’t deserve it
so it actually makes them feel worse it
actually doesn’t help there are a lot of
kids who got into honors classes not
because they deserved it but because
their parents complained and they got
AIDS nothing because they earned them
but because the teachers didn’t want to
deal with the parents right then those
kids graduate no Goodis and they start a
job and in an instant they find out that
they’re not special that you don’t get
anything just because you want it you
get nothing for coming in last
and your parents cannot help you get a
promotion and in an instant their entire
self-image is completely shattered in an
instant the way they view themselves has
completely changed turned on its head
and so what you find is that there’s an
entire generation growing up with lower
self-esteem than previous generations
remember they have grown up in an
Instagram Facebook snapchat world in
which they are very very good at putting
filters on everything they’re very very
good at curating how they want to be
seen and we think they’re full of
confidence they seem to have all the
answers they seem to be telling us what
to do at the end of the day it’s just
not there it’s just not true it’s just
not true their confidence is a lot
weaker than before they don’t know where
they’re coming from they don’t know
where they’re going they’re unsure of
themselves and they lack the courage to
ask we say things like my door is always
open
assume assuming that they have the
courage to walk through the door
number one then we add in technology
there’s a chemical in our body called
dopamine dopamine is responsible for the
feelings we get when we find something
we’re looking for or we accomplish
something we set out to accomplish you
know that great feeling you get when you
cross something off your to-do list when
you win the game when you hit the target
right when the client get the promotion
whatever it is that elation find your
keys that elation comes from a chemical
in our body called dopamine right now
other substances other things that
release dopamine include alcohol
nicotine gambling they go that’s what
makes us feel good when we engage with
those things and it’s the root of a lot
of addiction in fact almost every
alcoholic on the planet discovered
alcohol when they were teenagers
you see when we’re very very young the
only approval we need is approval from
our parents and then as we go through
adolescence we now crave the approval of
our peers very frustrating for our
parents very important for us it allows
us to acculturate outside of our
immediate families into the larger tribe
very very important right it’s a time of
high stress and high anxiety and we’re
supposed to learn to rely on our friends
some people quite by accident discover
alcohol and the numbing effects of
dopamine to help them cope with the
stress and that becomes hardwired and
then for the rest of their lives when
they suffer some kind of extreme stress
they don’t turn to a person they turn to
the bottle right now we also know that
dopamine is released with cell phones
and social media so that Bing bass but
buzz flash and beep that we get from our
phones that feel so good it releases
dopamine we like getting it yes we all
hate all the emails but we love the Bing
right we’ve all been in this position
you know you’re feeling a little bit
down you’re feeling a little bit sorry
maybe feeling a little bit sad so what
do we do we send out ten texts to ten
friends hi hi hi hi
and we hope that they write back because
it feels good right so now we have a
young generation with basically
unfettered access to social media and
cell phones we have age restrictions on
alcohol we have age restrictions on
smoking and we have age restrictions on
gambling
we have no age restrictions on this
other dopamine producing device called
social media or cell phones it’s the
equivalent of throwing open the liquor
cabinet and telling our young
adolescence I know this is a stressful
time
try the vodka it’ll get you through
these hard times that’s basically what
we’re doing and so what’s happening is
huh it’s becoming hardwired where our
young generation isn’t learning the
coping skills and coping mechanisms to
turn to another human being when they’re
struggling or stressed they’re turning
to social media or their cell phones
their self-worth sometimes becomes
wrapped up and how many likes they get
they obsessively check how many likes
how many likes how many likes and
actually will get depressed if they
don’t get any you see them going out
with their friends and instead of
connecting with their friends they will
simply sit and talk on the phone let me
show you something that’s really
powerful can I borrow your phone please
there’s one right there in between you
just let me borrow that for a sec I’m
asking you to give me somebody else’s
phone you don’t have to turn it on I
just need it thank you
so let me show you this subconscious
power of this device what if I were to
hold my phone while I’m giving this
presentation I’m not checking it it’s
not buzzing it’s not beeping I’m simply
holding it do you feel like you’re the
most important thing to me right now no
you do not and this is an artificial
environment now think about how often
this phone is out while we’re talking to
other people hey boss can I talk to you
sure what’s on your mind
as opposed to sure what’s on your mind
we go out for dinner or lunch with our
family and our friends we have meetings
and we put the phone on the table which
sends a subconscious message to
everybody else in the room that this is
not that important to me you’re not that
important to me and by the way putting
your phone upside down is not more
polite this is this is my favorite one
where the phone rings in the middle of
the dinner in the middle of a lunch in
the middle of a meeting and somebody
goes I’m not gonna answer it
oh my god just so magnanimous right
thank you right
put it away keep it away because what it
does is it actually hurts our ability to
relate to each other now you look at
young kids these days they’re on them
all the time I don’t blame them it is
addiction we yell and scream at them but
we like yelling and screaming and an
alcoholic it doesn’t help the fact that
it’s a chemical addiction right so you
take an insecure generation that now
through no fault of their own struggles
to cope with stress they don’t know how
to cope with and deal with stress and as
they have told me many of them will
admit that they struggle to form deep
meaningful relationships they will admit
that many of their friendships are
superficial right that their friends
they know would cancel on them if they
get a better plan that they wouldn’t
really know who to talk to if their get
depressed and maybe they’ll turn to an
online support group which is not a real
thing
it’s not human right and we’ve seen the
impact of this we’re starting to see
rises of depression in this generation
we’re starting to see rise of suicide in
this generation we’re starting to see a
rise of accidental death due to drug
overdose from this generation
universities are currently dealing with
an epidemic that they’ve never dealt
with before which is the number of kids
requesting leaves of absence due to
depression right now those are all
extreme examples the less extreme and
more likely example is that someone will
go through life just never really
finding joy or fulfill
and everything’s just fine as your job
it’s fine how are your friends you know
they’re fine but no joint because you
just cannot because joy fulfillment
comes from this it comes from human
interaction we are social animals and we
need it and we have to learn to rely on
our friends and that skill is
desperately lacking so you add in the
next one impatience this generation is
often accused of being entitled and if
you’ve worked with any of them before
sure seems that way
but I would argue that we’re miss
reading the tea leaves they’re not
entitled they’re impatient again let’s
practice empathy how did they grow up
they grew up in a world of instant
gratification you want to buy something
you go in Amazon it shows up the next
day you want to watch a movie you don’t
check movie times you just log on and
download it whenever you want to watch
it streaming right you want to watch a
TV show you don’t wait week to week to
week you just finish watch for the
weekend in fact if you want to get hold
of somebody you don’t leave a message on
their machine and wait for hours for
them to get the message and call you
back
you just text them and they’ll call you
they’ll get back to literally
instantaneously heck if you want to go
on a date you don’t even have to be like
hey you just swipe right you got a date
never learn the skill set of like what
are you doing right you can have four
dates in the night in other words
everything comes instantaneously they
have falsely applied the instant
gratification model to life fulfillment
and career fulfillment they wanted all
instantaneously
the problem is life relationships career
are not destinations like look I found
the job I love that’s not how it works
it’s not it’s not a scavenger hunt I’m
looking for the job that will be no it
doesn’t work that way it’s a journey
it’s a it’s a cut like it’s the same
with love it’s like I found love no you
did you work hard every single day to
stay in love it’s a journey
it’s as if they’re standing at the foot
of a mountain they know exactly what
they want they can see the summit what
they don’t see is the mountain
I talked to some recent college grads
who in their in their entry-level jobs
on a regular basis and I’ll ask them
things like how’s it going and they’ll
say yeah I think I’m gonna quit
but like I’m not making an impact I’m
like you know you’ve been here eight
months right and this is the problem
they see it as destination I’m not
making an impact I hear it all the time
but they don’t even know what that means
impact yes we all want to make an impact
what kind of impact what you want to do
what how do you want to contribute to
the world this is what vision is this is
what Y is it’s become generic and
abstract but the problem is is they’re
wafting around they’re looking for the
the right they’ll go from job to job to
job hoping that the next one sticks they
go from relationship to relationship
hoping that the next one is the love
what that I’ve been looking for they
don’t know how to ask for help and their
makes them feel even worse because they
can’t find the thing that they’re
looking for maybe it’s made so even
insecure generation that doesn’t have
coping mechanisms that wants everything
resolved and resolved now I have a
thought let me just send a text as
opposed to let me wait an hour when I’m
done with lunch with you and then I’ll
send my text for example and then we get
to the fourth and most egregious of the
four observations environment we’re now
taking this wonderful smart idealistic
ambitious hard-working good group of
people that were dealt a bad hand and
we’re putting them in corporate
environments that do not care about them
as human beings right we have for some
reason our work world has changed in the
past 20 and 30 years we are suffering
the side effects of business theories
left over from the 80s and 90s and they
are bad for people and they are bad for
business let me give you an example the
concept of shareholder supremacy was a
theory proposed in the late 1970s and it
was popularized in the 80s and 90s it is
now standard form today you talk to any
public company and you ask them their
priority and they say maximize
shareholder value
really that’s like a coach prioritizing
the needs of the fans over the needs of
the players are you gonna build a
winning team with that model but that’s
normal today we don’t even perceive it
as broken or damaged or wrong or
outdated remember the 80s and 90s were
boom years with relative peace and a
kinder gentler cold war nobody was
practicing hiding under their desks in
school anymore we are no longer in those
times these are no longer boom years
these are no longer peaceful times and
those models cannot work today here’s
another one mass layoffs using someone’s
livelihood to balance the books right
it’s so normal in America today that we
don’t even understand how broken and how
damaging it is not only to human beings
but to business you know companies talk
about how they want to build trust and
cooperation they announce a round of
layoffs do you know the quickest way to
destroy trust and destroy cooperation in
a business literally in one day lay
people off and everyone gets scared
right can you imagine sending someone
home to say honey I can no longer
provide for our family because the
company missed its arbitrary projections
this year and forget about the people
who lost their job think about the
people who kept their jobs because every
single decision a company makes as a
piece of communication and the company
cut the company has just communicated to
everybody else this is not a meritocracy
we don’t care how hard you work or how
long you’ve worked here if we miss our
numbers and you happen to fall on the
wrong side of the spreadsheet I’m sorry
we cannot guarantee employment in other
words we come to work every day afraid
and we’re asking our youngest generation
to work in environments where how would
any of us ever stand up and admit I made
a mistake
we’re cousinly being told you have to be
vulnerable leaders are vulnerable what
does that even mean it doesn’t mean you
walk around crying
honorable right know what vulnerability
means as you create an environment in
which someone feels safe enough to raise
their hand and said I don’t know what
I’m doing
you’ve given me a job and I haven’t been
trained to do it I need help I made a
mistake I screwed something up I’m
scared
I’m worried all of these things no one
would ever admit inside a company
because it puts a target on your head in
case there’s another round and so we
keep it to ourselves and how can a
company ever do well if nobody’s ever
willing to admit they made a mistake
that’s scared or they don’t know what
they’re doing and so we’ve literally
created cultures in which every single
day everybody comes to work and liya hai
lies hides and fakes and we’re asking
our youngest generation to work and
succeed and find themselves and build
their confidence and overcome their
addiction to technology and build strong
relationships at work we’re asking to do
this and these lis environments we’ve
created we keep saying to them you’re
the future leaders we’re the leaders now
we’re in control what are we doing this
is what empathy means it means if
there’s an entire generation struggling
maybe it’s not them it’s like you know
the only thing that I that the common
factor in all my failed relationships me
same thing Oh II just can’t get the
right Apple you know the right
performance out of our people maybe it’s
you right it’s not a generation it’s not
them they’re not difficult or hard to
understand they’re human beings like the
rest of us trying to find their way
trying to work in a place where they
feel that someone cares about them as a
human being by the way that’s what we
all want in other words it’s not even
generational
all of us this is the practice of
empathy that have wish struggling to
communicate to someone if it’s
struggling to help someone be at their
natural best I’m tired of people saying
to me how do I get the best out of my
people really that’s what you want there
like a towel just Wingham how can get
the most out of them No how do I help my
people be at their natural best right
we’re not asking these questions we are
not practicing everything we have to
start by practicing empathy and relate
to what they may be going through and it
will profoundly change the decisions we
make it will profoundly change the way
we see the world someone’s driving to
work you’re driving to work and someone
wants to cut into your lane what do you
do do you pull your car up but you let
them in most of us pull our cars up and
go like this you wait your turn now
let’s practice empathy I don’t know
maybe they’ve been out of work for six
months maybe they had trouble getting
the kids out to school this morning and
now they’re running late for a really
important interview and they just have
to get to this interview and they’re
gonna cut into our lane or maybe they’re
just a bastard I don’t know but that’s
the point we don’t know we don’t know
and the practice of empathy we’ll say
I’ll let them in and I’ll arrive to work
one car lengths Li right we don’t always
have to be right we don’t always have to
be in charge we don’t have to be the one
who succeeds it’s not about winning or
losing
and that’s where I go to the second
point after empathy comes perspective
where it’s not about winning or losing
in game theory there are two kinds of
games there are finite games and there
are infinite games and this is how
you’re gonna change your perspective
right a finite game is defined as known
players fixed rules and an agreed upon
objective baseball for example we know
the rules we all agree to the rules and
whoever has more runs at the end of nine
innings is the winner and the game is
over no one ever says if we can just
play two more innings I know we can come
back doesn’t work that way the game is
over right that’s a finite game
then you have an infinite game infinite
games are defined as known and unknown
players the rules are changeable and the
objective is to keep the game in play to
perpetuate the game when you pit a
finite player versus a finite player the
system is stable baseball is stable
right when you pit an infinite an
infinite player versus an infinite
player the system is also stable like
the Cold War for example because there
cannot be a winner and a loser there are
no winners or losers in an infinite game
right it doesn’t exist and because there
are no winners or losers what ends up
happening in the infinite contest is
players drop out when they run out of
the will or the resources to play but
there’s no winners or losers problems
arise when you pick a finite player
versus an infinite player because of a
finite player is playing to win and an
infinite player is to playing to keep
the game going right this is what
happened to us in Vietnam we were
playing to win and the Vietnamese were
fighting for their lives we were the
ones who got stuck in quagmire this is
the Soviet Union and Afghanistan they
were trying to beat the Mujahideen and
the Mujahideen would fight for as long
as is necessary
quagmire now let’s look at business the
game of business has pre-existed or has
existed long before every single comedy
that exists on the planet today and it
will outlast every single company that
it lives that exists on this planet
today there’s no winning the game of
business and the reason is is because we
haven’t agreed to the rules I get such a
kick out of this you realize how many
companies actually don’t know the game
they’re in right listen to the language
of the companies use we’re trying to
beat our competition we’re trying to be
number one did you know that we were
ranked number one look at the listing
based on what criteria revenues profits
market share square footage number of
employees based on what time frame a
quarter a year five years ten years 20
years 50 years 100 years I haven’t
agreed to those standards
how can you declare yourself the winner
how can you declare yourself number one
where no one else in the game has agreed
to the rules it’s arbitrary there is no
winning because there’s
no end in other words companies are
playing finite games listen to their
language they’re trying to beat their
competition what does that even mean
it’s the leaders and the companies that
understand the game that they’re in and
organize their resources and their
decision-making around the infinite
contest that outlast and frustrate their
competition all the companies that we’ve
referred to as the exceptions Southwest
Airlines Apple computers harley-davidson
they’re the exception no they’re playing
the infinite contest they frustrate
their competition is what happens that’s
what happens because they’re not playing
to win
Jim Senegal the founder of Costco which
is the company only real company that
gives Walmart a run for its money
he says public companies are looking to
succeed for the quarter says we’re
looking for the next 50 years you can
hear him he’s playing the infinite
contest I spoke at a Leadership Summit
for Microsoft I also spoke at a
Leadership Summit for Apple now at the
Microsoft summit I would say 70% of the
executives and this was under the Steve
Ballmer days I would say about 70% of
the executives spent about 70% of their
presentations talking about how to beat
Apple at the Apple Summit a hundred
percent of the executives spent a
hundred percent of their presentations
talking about how to help teachers teach
and how to help students learn one was
obsessed with their competition the
other one was obsessed with where
they’re going so at the end of my
presentation at Microsoft they gave me a
gift they gave me the new Zune which was
the competitor to the iPod touch when it
was a thing right and I have to tell you
this piece of technology was spectacular
it was beautiful the user interface was
incredible the design was amazing it was
intuitive it was one of the most
beautiful elegant pieces of technology
I’d ever seen right now.they it didn’t
work with iTunes which is entirely
a problem I couldn’t use it but that’s
something else I’m sitting in the back
of a taxi with a senior Apple executive
sort of employee number 12 kind of guy
and I decide to stir the pot and I
turned him I say you know I spoke at a
Microsoft summit and they gave me their
new soon and I have to tell you it is so
much better than your iPod touch and he
turned to me and said I have no doubt
conversation over because the infinite
player isn’t playing to be number one
every day with every product they’re
playing to outlast the competition if I
had said to Microsoft oh I’ve got the
new iPod touch it’s so much better than
your new Zune there was a can we see it
what does it do how we have to see it
because one is obsessed with their
competition the other is obsessed with
why they do what they do the other is
obsessed with where they’re going and
the reason Apple frustrates their
competition is because secretly they’re
not even competing against
they’re competing against themselves and
they understand but sometimes you’re a
little bit ahead and sometimes you’re a
little bit behind and sometimes your
product is better and sometimes you’re
not but if you wake up every single
morning and compete against yourself how
do I make our products better than they
were yesterday how do I take care of our
customers better than we did yesterday
how do we advance our cause more
efficiently more productively than we
did yesterday how do we find new
solutions to advance our calling our
cause our purpose our belief are why
every single day what you will find is
over time you will probably be ahead
more often those who play the infinite
game understand it’s not about the
battle it’s about the war and they don’t
play to win every day and they frustrate
their competition until their
competition drops out of the game every
single bankruptcy almost every merger
and acquisition is basically a company
saying we no longer have the will or the
resources to continue to play and we
have no choice to either drop out of the
game or merge our resources with another
player so that we can stay in the game
that’s what that is and if you think
about the number of bankruptcies and
mergers and acquisitions it’s kind of
proof that most companies don’t even
know the game they’re in you want to be
a great leader start with empathy you
want a group be a great leader change
your perspective and play the game
you’re actually playing
thank you very much over the next couple
of days you probably hear a lot about
how to make better design how to execute
better how do you consider your clients
or the end user when you’re doing what
you have to do and I’d like to add
another another item to the list to
consider as you sit here for the next
two days which is how can you help the
human race how can you help the human
race human species progress
I’m not joking either this is something
I think we all have to be aware of at
the end of the day the human animals are
social animal and our very survival
depends on our ability to form
communities to form cultures
what’s a community what’s a culture it’s
a group of people with a common set of
values and beliefs right what’s a
country it’s a group of people with a
common set of values and beliefs
what’s a company it should be a group of
people with a common set of values and
beliefs when we’re surrounded by people
who believe what we believe something
remarkable happens Trust emerges and
make no mistake of it trust as a feeling
a distinctly human feeling you know we
all have friends we’re total screw-ups
and yet we still trust them right Trust
is not a checklist simply doing
everything you say you’re going to do
doesn’t that much does not mean people
will inherently trust you
it just means you’re reliable we need
trust right we need trust when we’re
surrounded by people who believe what we
believe and trust starts to emerge and
we trust them and they trust us we’re
more willing to take risks we’re more
willing to experiment which requires
failure we’re more willing to explore
and go somewhere with that no one has
ever gone before with the confidence
that if we fail if we trip over if we
turn our backs that those within our
community those who we trust and who
trust us will look after us while we’re
gone will pick us up when we fall over
will help us when we’re hurt our very
survival depends on it we’re not good at
everything we’re not good by ourselves
you know if I send you out to go fight a
saber-toothed tiger by yourself odds are
Tiger one you zero
it’s not gonna go very well but if you
go out as a group we’re pretty damn
amazing and the reason is is because we
all have our strengths and we all of our
certain weaknesses and the goal is not
to fix your weaknesses the goal is to
amplify your strengths and surround
yourself with the people who can do what
you can’t do but it’s not just based on
skills and an application and experience
it’s based on what you believe it’s
based on what you believe you see simply
being good at something and having
somebody else being good at what you’re
no good at does not mean you will trust
each other trust the sense of trust
comes from the sense of common values
and common beliefs I can prove it how
many of you from New York okay
bunch of you are you friends with
everybody in New York why not why not
but when you go to Los Angeles and you
meet someone from New York you’re like
hey I’m from New York and you’re best
friends right and when you go to France
you there you are in the Paris Metro
minding your own business
and you hear an American accent behind
you can you turn around and say hey
where’re you from
they say Los Angeles you’re like hey I’m
from New York and you’re best friends
because when you’re surrounded by people
who don’t believe what you believe when
you’re in a strange environment where
you don’t feel comfortable you look for
anyone who may share some of the same
values and beliefs that you have and you
start to form a very wheat real and very
intense bond with them simply because
you know that they have a basic
understanding of how you grew up of the
things that you care about of the life
that you live back home well the same is
true when we go to work do we want to go
to work with people who understand us
who believe what we believe who have a
similar view of the world that has
nothing to do with their opinions and
the differences that we share
that’s good that’s called diversity
that’s called advantages to
problem-solving which is we can all look
at the same thing from a different angle
and come up with solutions what I’m
talking about is why should you help
each other in the first place what are
you in pursuit of now the question is is
what creates that sense of values and
beliefs what creates that sense of trust
right are very human instinct we know
how to find people who believe what we
believe our survival depends on it we’re
biologically gifted with this idea if I
ask you to go out in the street and find
all the people who believe what you
believe you know exist
actly what to do you’re gonna strike up
conversations you’re gonna start talking
to people and you either you’ll have a
good feeling about them or you won’t
either you’ll have chemistry whatever
that means or you don’t
sometimes it’s quick sometimes it’s slow
but we know how to do it it’s called
making friends it’s called dating it’s
called networking we have the innate
ability to do it the problem is it’s not
scalable the problem is is you’re the
only one who had that gut feeling but if
you know the symbols to look for if you
know how to see the things that people
are doing and seeing that you can find
them if I tell you go out on the street
and find all the people wearing red hats
it’s easy there’s one there’s one
there’s one there’s one there’s one guys
they’re easy to spot simply because they
have a symbol they have something
they’re giving off that says something
about who they are and what they believe
when you were standing on that Paris
métro that American accent that you
heard was a symbol it was a sign you
don’t know these people and yet you
trust them they will say to you you guys
have to go to this restaurant and you’ll
go okay and you’ll go to that restaurant
because they told you to now what if you
were walking down the street and some
stranger’s but hey you gotta go to this
restaurant you’ll be like the crackpot
right you’re gonna ignore them this is
what trust does this is why we don’t
research everything we don’t need access
to all information let’s say you want to
go buy a new television right so you do
all your research consumer reports look
it all up right I know what I’m gonna
buy I know what I’m gonna do I’m getting
the LG it’s the best on the market can’t
wait to get it right set that’s that’s
what you’ve decided to do this weekend
that Friday night you go over to a
friend’s house your friend the gadget
guy the guy who has the first of
everything right and you go to his house
and you can’t wait to show up and share
with him what you’re gonna do with all
your research and say I’m getting the
new LG and he says nah man get the Sony
it’s so much better in that one instant
either he’s completely turned all of
your research on its head and you’re
gonna have to go back and do all the
research again is he right should I
trust him should I believe him or you
just bought a Sony all that marketing
all that research out
down the drain it doesn’t matter because
the person that you trust the person
from within your community told you that
you should get the Sony and you trust
him he knows more than you he must be
right I trust him I don’t have to know
anything again
you’re walking down the street you’ve
accidentally bumped shoulders with
somebody they say where are you going
you so I’m going to Best Buy get the new
LG they go don’t get the new LG I know
everything about this stuff get the Sony
crackpot right you’re gonna ignore the
person we don’t trust everyone we trust
people from within our community but you
have to know what to look for just as I
said before when you find the people
with the red hats every single piece of
communication we make sorry every simple
piece of every decision we make in our
lives is a piece of communication every
decision we make in our lives as
individuals or as organizations is a
piece of communication it’s our way of
saying something about who we are and
what we believe this is why authenticity
matters this is why you have to say and
do the things you actually believe
because the things you say and do are
symbols of who you are and we look for
those symbols so we can find people who
believe what we believe our very
survival depends on it so if you’re
putting out false symbols you will
attract people to those symbols but you
won’t be able to form trust with them
this is what Tiger Woods did to us he
lied he lied he told us what he thought
we wanted to hear and it was great and
we were drawn to it and all of us who
kind of liked that idea of the sort of
the good guy were drawn to it until we
found out it was a lie he could have
been the bad boy of golf he could have
had all the same endorsements and had a
fantastic career and still been hailed
as one of the great athletes of our day
but he didn’t he chose to lie good luck
forming trust again tiger we don’t
believe you we don’t trust you
the goal of putting something out there
if you say what you believe and you do
what you believe you will attract people
who believe
what you believe if you go to one of
your friends and you say to one of your
friends how would you like me to dress
so that you’ll like me better how do you
want me to address you how do you want
me to speak so that you’ll like me more
right your friends are gonna look at you
be like what are you talking about yeah
come on come on come on what should I
wear so that you’ll find me more
appealing and how would you like me to
speak to you so that you’ll like me more
and your friends are gonna tell you just
be yourself that’s why I like you I
don’t just be yourself now think about
what we do in industry what do we do we
do market research and we go out and we
ask the customers what kind of things
the way we what style should we speak to
you how should we decorate ourselves
what kind of things are you drawn to so
that we can do those things so you’ll
like us more it’s just as ridiculous
it’s just as ridiculous organizations
should say and do the things they
actually believe and they will attract
people who believe what they believe or
they can choose to lie and at the
slightest hint that they might be lying
cynicism sets in and people start saying
I’m not sure I can trust these guys
because there’s not a lot of consistency
and all the things they say and do which
means they can’t have a very strong
belief set or they’re lying to me and we
call them it authentic the entire
process of asking other people who we
should be is inauthentic that’s
hilarious to me all these positioning
studies we do are inherent we’re going
to do a study to find out from people so
we can be more authentic
that’s hilarious say and do what you
actually believe and the symbols you put
out there the things you say and the
things you do those red hats are ways
that people can find you what you have
the ability to do as designers is create
those symbols and allow people to use
those things to say something about who
they are work for companies work for
clients work for people who you believe
what they believe show up and feel a
part of something bigger than yourself
and your part is to put what they
believe into pictures and words and
symbols and graphics so that other
people can use those things to say
something about who they are people put
harly
it’s and logos on their body to say
something about who they are corporate
logo ain’t no Procter & Gamble’s
tattooed on anybody’s on because Harley
means something they stand for something
people put that tattoo on their not to
tell you that they own a motorcycle
they put that tattoo there to tell you
something about themselves you ever see
anybody with a with a Mac laptop put a
sticker over that beautiful shining
Apple ain’t never gonna happen then how
will you know who I am you ever seen
anybody with a PC break out the Windex
to clean out their computer Mac people
have you ever seen a dirty Mac doesn’t
exist does not exist why because it’s
Who I am
these are symbols we use the companies
that are crystal-clear and what they
believe and their discipline and how
they do it they’re consistent of what
they do and everything they say and
everything they do serves as a symbol of
the set of values and beliefs we use
those symbols to say something about who
we are we surround ourselves with the
people and the products and the brands
that say something about who we are and
when we can find the people who believe
what we believe
we’re weirdly drawn to them because our
very survival depends on it we need it
and so the more you can give of yourself
the more you can give of what you
believe the more you can discipline with
discipline saying boo and do the things
you actually believe strange things
start to happen just unlike that just
like on that Metro in Paris simply
because of one tiny little symbol that
was put out there that we are from the
same place we may have the same values
we may have the same beliefs
we’re drawn to each other and we
legitimately trust each other and more
important that more importantly we’ll
look out for each other and that’s the
key to all of this we go to work every
day and we sit at our computers and we
sit at our desks and we solve problems
by sending emails get up and go talk to
somebody it’s called human interaction
and it’s a beautiful beautiful thing
I’ll tell you a quick story I was on a
plane
about about a week ago actually is only
about a week ago and I was coming down
the aisle and my seatmate I guess you
know my my companion for the next five
hours was already sitting down she was
in the aisle and I had the window seat
and you know we’ve all had this
experience where you’re the one who gets
there first and you look down and you
hope that it’s that one please please
please know you know praying that that
becomes your seatmate I’ve had many
fantasies about wives and girlfriends
you that never sat down next to me it’s
better than an icebreaker
right hi right sitting next to and
equally we’ve seen people coming down
the aisle saying please don’t sit next
me please in summation please know we’ve
all done that well she ignored me
entirely so I could only assume that she
was praying that I wouldn’t sit next to
her I somehow think though she was
hoping that no one would sit next to her
so you know what it’s like we’ve all
been on planes you travel and you go to
the aisle and custom dictates you know
just general politeness that the person
looks up to you and says you sitting
here you know she didn’t she completely
ignored me had her face in her book and
put my bag in the overhead compartment
she still ignored me to the point where
I actually to say excuse me I’m sitting
there and she sort of grudgingly moved
to so she doesn’t stand up she but
grudgingly moved her legs to the side
and went right like like this was
something she didn’t expect what
happened
right so I sat down I knew exactly what
this flight was gonna be like I would
have my headphones on for five hours and
I would ignore the person sitting next
to me and be afraid every time I had to
go to the bathroom for having and when I
want to play in the pressure I have to
go more often it’s very embarrassing and
so you’re like I sit down as soon as
I’ve gone I have to go immediately again
I’m gonna have a bladder infection
because anyway different story and so we
we got into flight we sort of reached
altitude and the flight attendant came
around to ask us if you wanted breakfast
and she came over to us and she said
would you like cereal would you like the
omelet she said to me and I said I had
the cereal and she turns to my sweet
bacon it’s definitely it’s my seatmate
that’s funny
semi sweet bitter she turns to hi my
seatmate
and she says do you want the omelet or
do you want the cereal and she says I’ll
also have the cereal two cereals four
minutes later the flight attendant comes
back and says I only have one cereal
so now I’ve already decided in my mind
that I was going to say to my seatmate
you have the serial right that was I had
already decided but before the words
could even come out of my mouth she
turns the flight attendant says I’ll
have the serial and at that point I
hated her and here’s the joke
she lacks a spirit of generosity no
matter what option she would have chosen
she would have gotten the serial for one
if she’d waited for three seconds and
heard that I was about to offer it to
her she would have got the serial right
if she absolutely had to have the serial
she could have turned to me and said do
you mind if I have the serial and I
would have said go right ahead
right she could have even apologized I
said thank you to me I’m really sorry
allergic to eggs can I have this cereal
you know in other words no matter what
option she chose she would have got the
cereal but the one option she went with
was to take a selfish perspective to go
for what she wanted and ignore the once
desires her needs of anyone around her
even including just being polite
in other words she didn’t have to give
me the cereal she could have just been
polite about it right now from that
point on I really hated her and I wrote
an article about this little experience
while I was on the plane sitting next to
her and made no attempt to turn the
screen so she couldn’t read it secretly
hoping she was
salt-and-pepper hair glasses I’m good
thank you and more importantly now I had
no desire to do anything for her anymore
right now when we got done when when the
flight landed perhaps as a nice person
if she had just established some sort of
rapport me just because I’m a nice guy I
would have taken her case down here you
go you know but I didn’t and I wasn’t
going to or or if I did it wouldn’t have
been with a spirit of generosity if I
did it would have been as a sort of a
smug remark like whom
there you go I’m still nice it would
have been as a you know one of those
deals or I would have done it simply as
some sort of positive reinforcement to
myself that despite this horrible person
I’m still a nice guy
right no matter which one would have
motivated me to take that case down it
wouldn’t have been with a spirit of
generosity it would have been some sort
of selfish act or some sort of
aggressive act right it’s the spirit of
generosity if we’re willing to give to
the person next to us it’s amazing
what they’ll be willing to give to us
right and again our very survival
depends on this we need to trust each
other we’re more willing to trust
somebody who’s willing to help us I hate
the whole self-help industry right how
can you be happy what are the five steps
you can follow to be a millionaire
what are seven steps that you need to
get the career that you want you know me
me me me me me me me me what about
helping the guy next to what are the
five steps that you can do to help the
person next to you lose some weight what
are the seven steps that you can follow
to help the person next you find the job
that they want do you know how we get
fulfillment you can be happy because you
did things at work you can be proud
because you did things at work you can
be excited because you had a big success
at work did you know how you feel
fulfilled at work when you do something
for someone else it’s the only way we
get that feeling it’s the only way we
get that feeling you know why the
statistics say that over 90 percent of
people don’t feel fulfilled by the work
they do it’s not because of the job it’s
not because of the pay it’s not because
of the benefits
is because we don’t help each other
anymore we sit in our cubes and we work
and anything that we turn to anybody is
because we need something we need to get
something and yet we don’t put ourselves
out there simply for no other reason
than to help somebody else you’re not
generosity is generosity is doing
something for someone else expecting
nothing in return
at no point ever I did something for him
why won’t he help me it’s not an
equation it’s designed to help you feel
good and mother nature has given us this
feeling when we do something for someone
else to encourage us to do it because
when we are in groups when we are
surrounded by people who believe what we
believe
Trust emerges and our very survival and
progress goes up sex feels good that’s
why we do it and Mother Nature has
provided that it will feel good so that
we can do it more so that we can
procreate that was not an accident
right well the same goes here that sense
of fulfillment that we get was designed
so that will do it more so not only will
we procreate but we’ll create strong
senses of bonds and cultures amongst
each other I did a little experiment
with them with a homeless person not
like on them it’s not like electrodes
with them voluntarily help me because
the whole idea of giving right give it
you you’ve all walked down the street
and you’ve all seen someone begging and
you either have or haven’t thrown a few
pennies in their cup when you do you
feel good you bought that feeling that
is a legitimate commercial transaction
you know commercial transactions are
defined as the exchange of consideration
there was an exchange of consideration
here you gave money you got the feeling
of goodwill you paid for that feeling if
you didn’t give money you either feel
nothing or you feel bad you can’t feel
good by not giving all right you paid
for that feeling so another question is
how is that person encouraging us to get
the joke is they act like every
corporation in the world they talk about
themselves me me me me me me me right
like they sit there with their little
outdoor advertising little sign right
and it says I’m homeless I’m hungry I’ve
got 12 kids I’m a veteran god bless they
got it all in they’re trying to appeal
to somebody the religious vote the
veteran vote you know the child
sympathizer surround yourself with lots
of pets go for that one too right
all in an attempt to get something from
someone takers not givers right all
about me well what what corporations do
we’ve added more RAM we’ve added more
wrong with added more speed this one’s
number one we’re the biggest we’re the
best we’ve been around since 1969 we’re
better than them we’re faster than them
we’re more efficient than that one me me
me me me me me me me me and so even if
we buy their product guess what much so
I did this little experiment I found a
nice homeless lady on the streets of New
York who’s willing to help out and I
learned that with her sign which was
pretty typical on homeless among
remember but she makes between 20 and 30
dollars a day for you know for a day’s
worth of work eight to ten hours of
sitting there selling goodwill 8 to 10
hours she’ll make 20 to $30 $30 is
considered a good day I changed her sign
and the new sign made her $40 in two
hours and then she left
it’s one of the reasons she’s homeless
is cuz she’s decided that she only needs
twenty to thirty dollars a day to live
if she stayed she would have made $150
the point is she made forty bucks in two
hours where the signs say the sign said
if you only give once a month please
think of me next time it has nothing to
do with the taker it has everything to
do with the giver and what are the
objections people give when they don’t
give I can’t give to everyone how do I
know that they really need it and so I
addressed both those concerns I know you
can’t get to everyone so if you only
give once a month my cause is legitimate
I will still be here when you’re ready
to give forty bucks two hours make it
about them not about you the fact of the
matter is 100 percent of customers are
people and 100 percent of clients are
people and 100 percent of employees are
people I don’t care how good your
product is I don’t care how good your
marketing is I don’t care how good your
design is if you don’t understand people
you don’t understand business we are
social animals we are human beings and
our survival depends on our ability to
form trusting relationships we could
have had this conference online I could
have given the same talk sitting behind
my computer we could all turn on our
WebEx we all have all sat at our
terminals and I would have given you the
exact same information would it have
been the same no I’m not there there’s
this weird thing about human interaction
right
we can’t form trust without you like
what I say but you wouldn’t be able to
form trust without it in fact simply
being here we all say the same thing you
could have all for two days absolutely
boring abysmal speakers boring boring
boring right we’ve all been to those
maybe one shining star like I like him
you know and what do we say when we
leave the speaker’s sucked but I’m glad
I went because I met some great people
it’s this this is what the conference is
all about you showed up not because
you’re in an industry you showed up
because you have a common set of values
and beliefs
there’s a million design conferences you
got to take time out of your day you got
to pay money it’s called sacrifice it’s
called payment it’s called risk but
you’re here simply because you know
something about each other when you go
out on the street in an area where you
don’t belong where you’re not amongst
people who believe what you believe and
you see somebody with the same badge as
you and you haven’t met them yet
you’re gonna go okay why they’re just as
much of a stranger’s any other person on
the street but because they have that
little symbol that says that I believe
what you believe I’m a little bit like
you we can form a bond very quickly and
instantly you do you do it’s called
human beings she ever watch um Deadliest
Catch on the Discovery Channel
let’s looking through channels one night
and Deadliest Catch came up and on this
episode just random they were in a huge
storm now for those of you who don’t
know Deadliest Catch they take these
crab fishing boats out in the Bering Sea
which is like terrible and they put
cameras on them and we watch right
the reason that’s I guess significant is
because these crab fishermen have I
think one of the top 5 deadliest jobs in
the world you know I don’t know what the
exact number is but dozens of fishermen
die every year doing doing this we
apparently find that entertaining
it actually is so they have cameras only
on five or six of the ships even though
there are many many many ships that go
out fishing every season and they don’t
really come into proximity with each
other because you know the oceans huge
and they usually sabotage each other and
give each other false information
because they’re all competitors they’re
all looking to get the crabs and you
know make sure that they find them
somebody else doesn’t and it’s business
right it’s just business it’s okay we
all do the same thing in our own
companies and in this one episode this
big huge storm was so violent that they
had to bring all the pots which are the
big cages that they catch the crabs and
they’d to bring all the pots back on the
boat and wait out the storm
and just by dumb luck one of the boats
that had cameras on it was in proximity
of a boat that didn’t have cameras on it
and so they filmed they had secured all
their pots on the deck and so they
started filming the other boat and they
filmed a guy climbing on the outside of
the cage securing the pots and all of a
sudden a huge wave hits the side of the
boat and the guys not there anymore and
the people on the boat with the camera
starts screaming Man Overboard Man
Overboard Man Overboard and they turned
their boat towards where they think he
might be he’s a stranger they don’t know
him they don’t know the crew members of
the other boat and yet they react and
they turned towards him and they find
him in the drink and for those of you
don’t understand how dangerous this is
if the water is so cold that if you’re
in the water for I think that it’s a
minute or a minute 30 hypothermia will
set in and you die and they come upon
him and he’s screaming don’t let me die
don’t let me die and they pull him on
board not out of the woods yet they
strip off his clothes because it’s wet
and cold and they wrap blankets around
him to prevent hyperthermia from setting
it
and he survives and it’s overwhelming
and the captain comes down and is his
ball I’m giving you can go watch it on
TV and you a camera comes the captain
comes down and he honks this stranger
this young man his competitor he hugs
this guy’s if he’s his own son I lost it
everybody is crying and you realize what
happened here was a human interaction
and the reason they risk their own lives
to help this other person even though
they spend every other day trying to get
ahead and sabotage because at the end of
the day they’re all crab fishermen and
they know something about each other and
they know something about the risk that
they all take to do this and when push
comes to shove they will put themselves
out there to help each other for no
other reason than they get it they’re
one of the same
I will promise you that every single
member of that crew that day went home
with a feeling of fulfillment I promise
you that every single person on that
crew that day felt more good in their
hearts and in their jobs than the
richest days they’ve ever pulled in my
question is is what are you doing to
help the person next to me don’t you
want to wake up and go to work for the
only reason that you can do something
good for someone else when you want them
to do that for you thank you very much
there are currently about 250,000 people
a year who are dying in our hospitals
due to due to preventable deaths and I’m
not talking about negligence I’m talking
about little accidents right I’m talking
about the doctor in the morning not
properly briefing the doctor for the
evening you know I’m talking about
things that you know we can’t sue
anybody there’s nothing there’s nothing
that we can see that’s wrong but there’s
250,000 preventable deaths every year
that’s about 20 747s going down every
single week that’s what’s the equivalent
to and the confusing thing is that we
have the best doctors in the world we
have the most advanced technology in the
world some of the medical equipment we
have is the best in the world the
medicines we have are the best in the
world so you start asking yourselves why
are these things happening and the
reason is not because of any of those
things the reasons are actually
something vastly more simple it’s
something very very human 5% of hospital
administrators are doctors most of them
are number
hospitals are run like businesses
hospitals are run by the numbers and the
problem isn’t the people who are giving
the care they’re very highly trained the
problem is the way those people are
cared for because what we’ve done is
we’ve created cultures and hospitals
where the people who are doing the
caring are cared for and so all of these
little preventable deaths are happening
because they don’t feel like they’re a
part of it they’re just doing their jobs
and they don’t get along that well and
there’s not a lot of camaraderie and the
impact is death right now I use this
example because it’s exaggerated
because the impact is so powerful but
the problem is the same in our own
companies right which is we come to work
and we’re told you must care for your
clients you must care for your customers
you must make them the focus of all you
do and yet why aren’t the people who are
managing us from the top caring about us
so yes in a hospital the impact is worse
but the impact that we’re having on the
outside world is just as bad in other
words we’re not working at our best we
don’t care for the things we’re doing
we’re not helping each other is the most
important part and the residual impact
is that we are unfulfilled by the work
that we do and when we run fulfilled by
the work that we do we focus on the
details and when we focus on the details
we retract from each other when we track
from each other we feel lonely and when
we feel lonely cancer goes up heart
disease goes up diabetes goes up in
other words by going to work we’re
killing ourselves literally there’s
another study that was released not that
long ago that says that parents who work
late the negative impact that it has on
their children is little to none they
may feel guilty as parents but the
negative impact that it has on the
raising of their children is little to
none however parents who come home from
jobs they hate or don’t love their kids
are more likely to be bullies at school
and now you think about the bullying
epidemic we have in America right where
there’s this disturbing number of young
children who are killing themselves
suicides because of bullies the problem
is not the schools and the problem isn’t
even the parenting
the problem is the jobs the parents have
this is the importance and this is the
power of the work that we do in the
places we go to work right most of us
mean like we listen to the the the
unemployment statistics they say you
know we’re all-time high record high
nine to ten percent unemployment right
and people go Mike oh that’s terrible
and I hear that number and I go well
that means ninety-one percent still have
a job right now granted we want to get
that employment number up but that means
ninety-one percent is still going to
work the question is how many of them
are coming home fulfilled by the work
that they do and how many of them are
waking up inspired to go back to work
the next day if we don’t love our works
we don’t look out for each other if we
don’t look out for each other we feel
lonely if we don’t feel lonely all these
negative things happen so what example
can I share with a creative audience
about how to change this the United
States Marine Corps I had the great
honor last week of spending a week with
the Marines I spent a couple days at
Camp Lejeune and then I went for a few
days to Parris Island to watch them go
through boot camp and this isn’t a room
it’s a remarkable remarkable human
experiment that they’re doing and even
though they know what works they don’t
know why it works but they don’t need to
know why because they know that it works
right but what’s happening is they’re
taking a group of strangers people who
don’t know each other who were showing
up and within a very very short period
of time learn to trust each other so
much that they would give their lives
for each other right and we know
everyone sort of anyone who’s ever worn
a human reform knows that no one runs
into battle for God and country it
doesn’t happen it’s for the guy to the
left of me and the guy to the right of
me that’s the reason they do what they
do right and these sort of remarkable
stories of heroism where people rush
into very very dangerous situations to
save others and they always ask the
question why did you do it why would you
risk your life why would you put
yourself at risk for them and the answer
is always the same because they would do
it for me in other words what gives them
the confidence to put themselves at
great risk is the knowledge that someone
would do the same for them we would put
ourselves a great risk for our companies
if we knew that our companies would put
themselves a great risk for us
but they don’t so we don’t now one of
the things that’s remarkable about the
Marines and if you go read and you know
this is the most I asked these young and
they’re 21 22 years old some of these of
these lance corporals the grunts you
know the guys the infantry I mean this
is the lowest of the low the ones we
actually send in to battle the
frontlines and I asked them are you
misunderstood in America and they said
yes unanimously they all nodded I said
what what do people think of you and one
stood up and says they think we’re baby
killers I said how does it feel he says
it hurts
and when I say we’ll tell me a story
then that captures to you what it means
to be a Marine the feeling you have of
being a Marine tell me a story that
captures it and I expected to hear
stories of I took a hit and somebody
save me or I ran into a fire if I can
pulled some it I expected these stories
of heroism not a single story like that
came out and I’m sure those stories
exist but those aren’t that all the
stories they told me that capture what
it means to be a Marine one of the
stories they told me was a young boy in
Afghanistan who would come around every
morning and sell kebabs to the Marines
and then one day he showed up and he was
all beaten up and he didn’t go to his
parents for help and he didn’t go to his
friends to help he came to the Marines
for help because he trusted them more
than anyone else they told me a story
that captured how they feel of a Sevilla
CH that had been overrun by the Taliban
and the residents of the village could
couldn’t go home because they would be
killed by the Taliban and so they were
just living by the river the problem was
winter was coming and one of the the
elders came to the Marines knocked on
the door and said I need you to come
down to the river and kill us
and the Marine said what are you talking
about he says if we go back home we’ll
be killed by the Taliban and if we stay
out there we’re gonna die slow deaths
this winter it’s easier if you just come
and kill us please
the Marines overran the Taliban village
pushed the Taliban out a year later they
went back to this village and people
were playing volleyball these were the
stories they told me that capture what
it means to be a Marine they believed in
doing good for others and the
fulfillment they get when they put
themselves at risk so that others may
prevail is overwhelming this is not
unique to the Marine Corps this is all
human beings the feeling of fulfillment
comes from doing something for another
the feeling from fulfillment comes from
the exertion of time and energy for
someone else if you are walking to work
and you throw a few pennies in a cup and
you come to work and you say to your
friends hey guys I gave a dollar to
somebody homeless this morning what are
your friends going to say yeah good
right I gave 20 bucks to somebody
homeless they’d be like yeah good for
you right what have you coming in the
morning you say hey I gave up my
Saturday night what and paid mrs.
painted a school in the inner-city
people go whoa cool wow cool and all of
a sudden not only are they inspired to
do something good themselves but the
feeling that that you have persists the
amazing thing is that when we do good
for others it actually inspires others
to do good for others this is provided
for us prymatt illogically
anthropologically it’s a all part of the
survival of a species you know sex feels
good so that will do it so we can
procreate and perpetuate the species but
we’re social animals and so we have to
provide for the fact that we’ll maintain
strong bonds and build cultures right
because that’s what humans do we’re
cultural animals and so when we do good
for others and we look out for those in
our tribe we look out for those in our
group it actually feels good
biologically releases oxytocin this
chemical that’s released when you do
good for others is released and it makes
you feel good the amazing thing is the
more oxytocin and you have in your body
the more you want to do good for others
the problem is we’ve replaced this
feeling the exertion of time and energy
with digital communications we’ve
replaced it with head
phones we’ve replaced it with money
right
think about the invention of money right
it used to be money you know used to be
like you go to someone’s house you cook
them dinner and the deal was they’ll do
the dishes time and energy exchange for
time and energy and someone said I’ll
give you an IOU right someone says I
don’t feel like doing the dishes so I’m
gonna give you an IOU that I promise to
do them another day right and that’s
what money is it is the promise for
future goods or services the promise of
future goods and services in other words
we’ve replaced our own time and energy
with promises for someone else to do it
another day right in other words there’s
no exertion of time and energy and so
the feeling people get is that I did
something for you and you did nothing
for me you replaced it with a piece of
paper with an eye are you with a promise
for future goods and services the way we
find fulfillment is by doing good for
others so how did the marine zoo how do
you get people to do good for others we
all know this intellectually we know
that it’s good to do good for others but
why don’t we do it then why don’t we do
it and what the Marines learn is
something that I completely did not
expect they can’t just yell at these
guys to help each other that’s not what
happens there’s a few things that they
have to do first
so we all heard of the obstacle course
right the Marines have a thing called
the obstacle course and this is where
they they build an aerobic strength and
Arabic strength muscle strength and it’s
timed and all of his good stuff they
have another course called the
confidence course and it’s never timed
and most of the obstacles on this course
cannot be completed by yourself
they must be completed in teams you have
no choice that’s just how it’s designed
and what they say is the first two weeks
of boot camp everybody’s there to outdo
each other and prove that they’re strong
just kind of like when we start in a job
would prove we want to show how great we
are we’ll work a little harder we’ll do
good work look how good my design is
right it’s all about us and how good we
are right but they keep putting them in
situations where they can’t do things by
themselves and what starts to happen
very slowly they said after about two
weeks they start cheering for each other
now they get in trouble when they do
they start cheering for each other and
then before too long you see them
organically start helping each other
and what happens is if there’s one
person who’s weak and refuses to help
each other the others or even if there’s
one person who’s strong who’s you know I
was the star college athlete and they
get to every the end of every obstacle
they just stand there wait for everybody
to finish and they don’t help each other
what starts to happen as organically the
group starts to ostracize that person
organically they get must’ sized until
they learn that the only way that they
will get through this thing the only way
they will survive boot camp is if they
ask for help because they have no option
the problem is no one will help them
until they’re willing to help another
it’s the deal we have to make it’s
called vulnerability and risk we have to
take the risk to make ourselves
vulnerable yes you might do something
for someone else and they may not do
something back for you
that’s the risk you run that’s the risk
you run it’s not about it’s not about
giving everything to them and and sort
of huge big overwhelming risk it’s about
little things and little things it’s
like going on a date right it’s like if
I went on a date with somebody I came
home and I said after one date I said
I’m marrying her baby like what are you
nuts
I’ll be like I’m in love they like what
you’re you just it’s crazy I’m like I
know
she feels the same way we both know it’s
nuts right now you know that you’re
gonna be like go on a couple more dates
right we know instinctively that the
strong bond
that’s create that that needs to be
created first takes more than a week
right we know that right but if I’ve
been dating somebody for seven years and
we haven’t you know married you’d be
like dude what is wrong right in other
words we know that it takes more than
seven days and we know that it takes
less than seven years the problem is we
don’t know how long it takes somewhere
in the middle all human buns are the
same like when you show up at work when
you show for the first time when you’re
new don’t expect that people will look
out for you and they won’t expect you to
look out for them in seven days
it won’t happen but if you’ve been
working at a job for a few years and you
don’t have the undone teeth at the sort
of the absolute confidence that if you
turn your back you will not get stabbed
you can rely on somebody you can give
them something nothing will go wrong you
will share the credit no one will throw
you under the bus if you don’t have that
in a few years something’s wrong
something’s wrong I don’t know how long
it takes but I know that’s more than a
week and I know it’s less than seven
years and the Marines fundamentally
understand that before anyone is willing
to put themselves out for another they
have to have self-confidence real self
confidence you have to be confident in
yourself and your own ability before
you’re willing to help another if you’re
insecure at all about your own ability
it’s an oxy it’s sort of a paradox right
how am I can I overcome my confidence
you know my self-confidence and we all
have ego issues at all times you know we
all do right but if I’m not confident
myself I won’t help another it’s a
paradox because then we need someone to
look out for us before we’re willing to
help our peers right this is what
management is supposed to do
the drill instructors the school they
are there our parents they are there for
one reason and one reason only to help
us feel strong and good about ourselves
but look at the way we talk to each
other villa Pizza look a budgets been
cut and so what do you get told I need
you guys to do more with less right
that’s what we’re told hey guys I need
you guys to do more with less that’s
we’re told by our clients by our bosses
by our parents this is what we’re told
right that’s like your parents telling
you when you’re young I know you’re
stupid figure it out right you’re not as
smart as the other kids what do you want
me to do right it’s the exact same thing
I need you to do more with less right
what we need to be telling people is I
need you I need you to do more with what
you have right you have capacity you
have strength you have talent you have
compatibility I need you to do more with
what you have we don’t celebrate what
we’ve got we criticize for what we don’t
have this is the responsibility of
management to take us under their wing
and help us understand our own value to
ourselves close your eyes and think back
to high school and think of that one
teacher who took you under their wing
and cared for you and looked after you
and helped you realize that you are
capable of more than you thought you
were and you and you you probably are
the person you are today in some part
because of that person right
you have that name what’s the name tell
me the name tell me the name of the
teacher okay give me the name okay I can
point to anybody and you can tell me
that name now tell me the names of all
the other teachers you had that day
can’t remember them can you
this is the power of those who teaches
confidence we will literally carry their
names around with us for the rest of our
lives wouldn’t you want to be that
person wouldn’t you want to be the
person that 20 years from now 30 years
from now 40 years from now I can do this
exercise with somebody and they will
tell me your name this is the power of
helping others realize their own
strengths this is what management and
leadership is supposed to be doing
they’re supposed to be caring for us and
helping us realize our own value and by
the way if you have anybody who reports
to your works for you your
responsibility is not to make them meet
the deadline your responsibility is not
to make sure that they do as you say
your responsibility is to make sure that
they understand their own strengths
their own value and that they are way
way more talented than they think they
are and the only way they will learn
that is if you put them in situations in
which they can fail and you hold them
and you support them and you give them
talent and you give them skills and you
give them education and you watch their
backs and if they fall over you
encourage them to get back up and if
they follow that you care injure them to
get back up and if they fall over you
encourage them to get back up until they
figured out themselves
it’s called confidence it’s your
responsibility to help others find it
into others responsibility to help you
but you find yours and the amazing thing
is as soon as you start feeling
comforted in your own ability you
naturally help each other that’s what
happens it’s called trust in the
military they give medals to people who
are willing to sacrifice themselves so
that others may gain in business we are
willing to give bonuses to people who
will sacrifice others so that we may
gain we have it backwards
and then we complain about how we don’t
love our jobs and we complain about how
the work is suffering and we complain
about how budgets are being cut and we
can complain and complain and complain
and the first thing we do is blame each
other and become more selfish and worry
about my pay and my benefits in my this
and this is what happens when we are
unfulfilled we look at the metrics and
we say they’re not good enough when we
are fulfilled we don’t care about the
metrics this is why when you have a job
you love and you get a call that says
I’ll offer you tons more money and great
benefits you like I’m not interested I’m
not interested ugh I’m not interested
I’m very happy here but we’ll give you
more that’s not the reason I’m here I’m
here because I love it I’m here because
I care for the people I work with and
I’m here because the people I work with
care for me this is the world I imagined
this is the world I imagined here’s the
great thing if you take little risks I’m
not talking about big things little
things if you start doing little things
for each other
the amazing anthropological response is
other people will start doing little
things for others too I was walking down
the street two days ago and a guy’s
backpack was open and a whole bunch of
paper fell out as was walking down the
street and I happened to be behind him
and so my friend and I just sort of be
written mid conversation and in mid
conversation we never even stopped
talking
we just bent down sort of helped him
gather his papers and them back to him
sort of pointed out that his bet book
bag was his you know his backpack was
unzipped and he said thanks well he
walked on it was like no big deal right
we get to the end of the the street and
we stand at that we’re waiting it’s
across the street we still talking we
haven’t stopped talking and the guy in
front of us turns to us and says I saw
you help that guy that was really cool
but here’s what’s great about that the
guy will go do something for someone
else simply because he saw us bend down
and pick up paper facilities he will
actually go do something to someone
right he won’t give to charity because
he sees me put a dollar in a cup but he
will actually help someone because he
saw someone also helps someone little
things hold a door open for someone say
thank you to the person who holds the
door open for you smile to the barista
little little things you know put your
foot in the subway when the door is
closing so someone who’s running will
make it hit the open at the elevator
don’t go or pretend you didn’t see
that’s the best one you know sorry
alright do it a little time and a little
energy and you’ll find a round work that
people give a little time and a little
energy back to you and you’ll give a
little more time and a little more
energy you go for a coffee with someone
then you go forth to our coffee and you
go for a coffee and a lunch then you go
for a lunch and a dinner then you go for
a dinner in a movie and then you sleep
over and then you sleep over two nights
and then you go on holiday together and
eventually you get married right it’s
slow it takes time and we can’t rush it
you know if when we rush it it’s all
fake do things for others and watch
watch how much others do for you but you
know go you go get yourself a cup of
coffee from the coffee shoot machine in
the morning make one for someone else it
takes a little extra time it takes a
little extra energy that
that’s the point and here’s the best
part you will feel so good at the end of
the day
so good
thank you very much
thank you it’s a great question how do
you convince someone how do you know
sort order the metrics how do you
convince a skeptical audience of this
trust metric you don’t you don’t write
you can’t twist anybody’s arm to do
something that they don’t want to do and
you know the law of diffusion which I
obey you know as hard as that as much as
I can which is you don’t need the
majority you need those people who
believe what you believe in other words
if you buy if you you know when you go
sort of when you do some nice things for
people they may not do something nice
back because they may be you know we
live in a world in which you do
something for somebody they think you
want something from them right that’s
unfortunately the society we have
created but but that’s the risk that we
keep taking I’m not saying you should
keep doing it for somebody who keeps
doing nothing and keeps sort of you know
crapping on you because of it then at
some point you have to be like all right
my bad my bad
right and you back off you know I don’t
believe in helping everyone I do not
believe in it right this is not you know
let’s do good for everyone in the planet
that’s not what I’m talking about
mother Teresa who’s the poster child for
giving selflessly to all who need at the
end of her life started questioning the
existence of God and by the way hated
her life serious okay in other words
giving to others unabashedly is actually
self-destructive
it doesn’t help right and it’s just like
going on dates with people you don’t
like doesn’t mean you’ll eventually
click in math right the the there’s
there’s only one machine that I found
that really accurately measures trust
better than any other sort of metric
it’s called a human being it’s really
good at it
right and so those feelings you get
trust them in one way or the other you
know it’s if the little risks it’s the
butterflies it’s the unsure you know
it’s the it’s the backwards it’s the
dance
it’s dating it’s the dance it’s the
nerves like I you know it’s that so if
there were if there are cynical bastards
at your office who who don’t get it you
can ignore him don’t worry about it
because eventually you’ll get enough and
those people either come along or leave
or be pushed out you know ostracized
remember
when the group starts helping each other
they ostracize the ones who refuse to
help whether they’re strong or whether
they’re weak they get ostracized until
they learn until they learn that they
cannot survive without the help of
others and they learn that the only way
others will help them is if they if they
help the others right the order matters
the order matters I’ll just I just
thought of something that sort of we is
pervasive in our sort of you know
digital world the order matters you know
so to speak honestly about what you want
right if you are doing don’t do things
for people when you want something from
them just ask them what you want from
them and I’ll give you one little
example it’s a funny little example
we’ve all received emails that go like
this dear Simon well you wouldn’t get an
email to your assignment but I would
dear
insert your name alright dear Simon
haven’t seen you in years
hope you’re well congratulations on all
you’ve been doing it’s really amazing we
should get coffee sometime if you could
do me a favor I’m if you could vote for
me on this website I’m hoping to win you
know some thousand dollar prize for my
design blah blah blah hope you’re well
talk you soon Kenny right we’ve all
received an email like that and how do
we respond to it right now what happens
if you get the same email that goes like
this dear Simon I’m hoping you could
vote for me on this website I’m trying
to win some thousand dollar prize for my
design I haven’t seen you in years I
hope you really well congratulations on
all that you’ve been doing we should get
a coffee sometime thanks Kenny
totally different in other words when we
know why you’re emailing and it comes
first it has a remarkable impact we know
that all those pleasantries are just
buttering us up to get to what they want
right but if you come right out with
what you want we’re actually very
grateful for the pleasantries right it’s
the same thing in human interaction
don’t give someone a cup of coffee if
you need a favor back just ask them for
the favor it builds trust I can’t trust
you every time you do something nice for
me I think you just something what you
want something from me I won’t trust you
and this is what companies do to us
right well we did this for you why won’t
you do this for us that’s not how it
works
generosity bending down to pick up the
papers holding the door open for someone
is expecting nothing in return ever you
do not give you know this is what
happens in new business right we new
business is built on relationships and
so we build the relationship build the
relationship build the relationship
until we’re comfortable to ask for the
business in other words you were only
befriending me till the point you felt
that I would let down my guard and you
could ask me for something the whole
time you were just waiting for that time
it doesn’t work that way if you actually
want to build relationships you build
relationships without wanting anything
and that’s how you build trust you want
to know why the Marines gave me this
incredible access I mean literally they
said Simon anything you want to see you
got it anything you want to do you got
it you can go it we went past sign that
said no observers no civilians beyond
this point I’m like can I take pictures
like go ahead you should see some of the
pictures they’re unbelievable right I’m
like right in there Marines coming at me
we went out to the crucible and roll
like you know they were like rolling in
the dirt and like you know going onto
barbed wire and I’m like I’m not joking
either they’re like you know
unprecedented access access that
journalists would be jealous of do you
know why they gave it to me because in
all the time that I’ve been visiting
with Marines and having meetings with
them I’ve never asked for anything I
don’t want anything and I don’t have
anything to sell I just keep showing up
and say what do you need how can I help
and at some point they said when I
called and said I need a little favor
because they know I haven’t been waiting
for the favor it’s the time now that I
have a little favor they go absolutely
whatever you need it’s called human
relationships companies don’t do
business with companies people do
business with people you know your
company didn’t win IBM as a client
somebody who like somebody said will
hire you and if they didn’t like you
they’re just you know they’re doing
they’re playing roulette well we’re
betting that you know this will work out
those are the weak relationships yes
yeah the more we give the more inspires
others to give but the more selfish we
are the more others become selfish
around us and so those are organizations
in which selfish behavior prevent
prevails and so we see the residual
effect which is they make decisions that
ultimately screw us they destroy our
economy because of their selfish
behavior right we know this is what what
what happens same in politics right and
the answer is don’t worry about it I
know it sounds silly and you say you
mean your first question is do I talk
about these things to them I will talk
to anyone who will listen you know but I
don’t talk to people who don’t want to
listen the good news is there are some
good eggs and there are some of them
who’ve had conversions where they were
the bastards who believed in firing
people and screwing people to advance
their careers and something happens I
just met a guy recently he was a very
senior executive at a very very large
company and something happened and he
like he got like hit in the head or
something and he realized holy cow I
have to look after people right and they
become obsessed with it and they start
sticking their necks out and and we just
need those champions scattered around
and this is what I do the more I spread
this message the more it’s sort of it’s
it’s kind of like um you know in the in
the cartoons is sort of the whole of
justice you know that the message goes
out they all sort of like you know
wherever they are like you know that
they poke their heads up it’s that kind
of thing the more we talk about it the
more we put it in our work you know
because don’t forget you’re gonna help
someone who goes home feeling good and
their husband or their wife works in the
bank and they’re gonna talk how much
about they’d love to and that might
inspire that person you know it’s it has
all of these residual impacts that we
don’t really know this is the funny
thing about the internet which is we’re
so proud of the internet that we can
measure everything no you can’t you can
only measure one layer right so for
example you say Simon what’s the impact
you’re having I don’t know is the answer
right I know it’s it’s I know that it’ll
take more than a week and I will take
seven years but I don’t know when it’s
gonna happen and I don’t know how it’s
gonna get there right all I can do is is
do it right but I have no clue how we’ll
win and so for example I can measure
book sales and I can measure how many
hits and I can measure how many people
watched a TED talk and all of this but I
can’t measure you know that TED talk
shown to a room of 50 people and one of
those 50 people doesn’t buy a book
doesn’t watch a TED talk doesn’t do
anything but goes out and does something
good for somebody else I have no way of
measuring that and so we’re so proud of
the Internet and its ability to measure
everything but we’re measuring one layer
where we used to measure no layers it’s
like you know this is how people work
it’s it’s it’s gossamer you know it’s
networked and so the answer is don’t
worry about them don’t worry about them
worry about the people who you can care
for who you can give to and when we
reach a critical mass in society it will
tip right and if you don’t believe me
the reason it is the way it is now is
because it tipped the wrong way there
was no such thing as massive layoffs as
business strategy prior to night in the
1980s it just wasn’t done it was done
here and there but it wasn’t strategy
the idea of using layoffs to balance the
books is a relatively new phenomenon
that came for the increase of
selfishness in the Gordon Gekko greta’s
good 1980s boom right and this was also
the same exact period the 1980s where
the theory the theory of shareholder
value was put forward right because they
had all these people buying large
companies and installing professional
managers to run the companies that they
bought that they invested in and they
had a problem which is those
professional managers were paid for by
the company and those professional
managers
cared for the employees and the
customers and so the investor said how
do we protect our investments we’ve got
an idea we’re going to give them equity
in the company and bonus them based on
the performance right and so the shift
happened where the CEOs started caring
more about the investors and stopped
caring about the customers and employees
those were theories introduced by some
Harvard professor in the 1980s we can
push it back the other way right we can
push it back the other way but we just
have to and there’s just there was a
just the other day which company was it
one of the large banks where the
shareholders citibank citibank yeah
citibank the shareholders voted majority
shareholders voted against a fat pay
package that’s unprecedented it has
never happened even in hard times even
when the company’s doing this the
shareholders just it’s just sort of a
cursory thing where they approve the
fifteen million dollar bonus but a see
yo they voted against it it’s
non-binding but it sends a shot across
the bow saying shareholders now want you
to be bonus if you do something good for
others even if the others is us right
the point is is that it’s it’s starting
to crack and so let’s just stick our
finger in the crack you know make sure
that keeps cracking it’s one one way we
can swing it back the question was can I
talk about celebrating accomplishment
while still asking for more right – two
– so they did a study on kids who are
really really smart like an older gifted
classes why is it when you smart you’re
gifted when you’re stupid you’re special
why is that
I was told my whole life I was special I
never give they took the gifted kids who
are constantly told you’re so good oh
thanks for it I knew you’d do well oh
you’re the you’re our best employee you
know you’re our best student you’re
awesome
right and what happens is later in life
they actually suffer because they’re
very afraid of taking risk because
they’re very afraid of losing their
position on the mantle okay kids who are
sort of more average who constantly are
rewarded not for their accomplishment
but for their effort great effort really
proud of the improvement you made what
they find is they do very well in life
because there’s no shelf there’s always
more there’s more effort right and so
you want to reward and acknowledge
effort even if they don’t hit the goal
it’s that the Delta but at the same time
if it goes backwards you’d be like dude
what’s going on like we don’t get we
shouldn’t be giving ribbons for everyone
who competes right because what we’re
teaching people is if you do nothing you
get a medal right and the funny thing is
is we start with creating a generation
that’s feeling very Hollow and feeling
you know this sense of entitlement that
people complain about gen-y the
entitlement is I don’t feel like I’ve
accomplished anything and the funny
thing is about human beings is we the
way we feel accomplished is when we
exert energy and time and reach a
destination right and the more energy
and time that we have to suffer through
especially if we suffer together and we
get somewhere it is overwhelming think
about the best jobs you’ve ever worked
on was it the best design was it the
best results that the company had
because of your your project or was it
an absolute hell project that you work
together and you came in on the other
end and that you got it done at the
deadline and you’re like that was
amazing
it was the hell projects it was the
things that we had to go out of our ways
more do things for each other right
things we weren’t thinking of doing I
was wrapping packages I was doing stuff
that aren’t designers aren’t supposed to
do going you know this is what produces
that right and so the the the
is about measurement and destination
reward imagine we’re standing in a big
empty room right and we’re standing in
one corner and I give you a simple
instruction I want you to go to that
corner in a straight line right I’ll
figure out no big deal right
without telling you I slip a chair in
front of you what do you do you go
around the chair
now you just disobeyed what I told you
to do I told you to go to that corner
straight line but this is the amazing
things about human beings which is when
we’re given a clear destination we use
our own creativity and our own sense of
innovation and our own problem-solving
abilities to overcome obstacles to get
to the destination in other words the
destination is more important than the
route right we are flexible about the
route we’re obsessed with the
destination reset we’re standing in the
corner together and I give you a simple
instruction go somewhere in this room in
a straight line and you say to me well
where do want me to go I’m like I don’t
know you’re smart figure it out go in a
straight line and so you pick a point
and you start walking and without
telling you I put a chair in front of
you and what do you do you come to a
grinding halt I say would you stop for
you go will you put a chair in front of
me or you’ll make a sudden turn I’ll go
in another direction right and this is
the problem it’s the same obstacle the
difference is when you have a clear set
a clear destination the obstacles become
easy to overcome when you don’t have a
clear destination you keep coming to a
grinding halt and what we do in our
companies is we’re counting the steps
we’re taking along the route but we’re
never looking at the destination right
so company says made in million dollars
this year we were only planning on
making 800,000 like we took ten steps
when we planning on taking 8 where are
you going no clue right we count the
steps and so the point is is that people
want to feel that the effort that
they’re exerting actually are moving
somewhere and so successful measurement
successful recognition is not just for
the steps you take it’s not just for the
effort it’s that the effort you exert it
moved us closer to where we’re trying to
get to and that get to should be some
crazy ideal my ideal is to live in a
world in which the vast majority of
people wake up every single morning
you know inspire to go to work and
fulfilled by the work that they do and
the the couple of measurements that I
use are if the book is selling and I by
the way people ask me how many have you
sold
I have no clue
I’ve never asked the publisher because I
don’t care I really don’t care how many
I’ve sold what I care about is the
Amazon rankings and that those are going
steady or up and not plummeting because
that means other people right because I
don’t have a publicist I don’t have a
marketing strategy on purpose I didn’t
hire one of those companies to sell the
book for me and the reason is is because
I’m not interested in book sales I’m
interested in spreading of an idea and
so I just use that as a metric to help
me understand am I sort of marching in
the because the more I preach is it
resonating you know and so you have a
couple of these imperfect measurements
that help you understand are you going
along the way so it’s not just great
effort look what you achieved because
that’s what we’re doing now right our
goal is to increase top-line revenues by
50 million dollars for what reason
right which is we have to know the
destination and then we say amazing you
took us that much closer if we go to the
right it’s because we were overcoming an
obstacle if we hadn’t gone to the right
we would have been stuck forever thank
you you know it’s not always straight
lines it’s not always straight lines but
it’s it’s in one direction she’s playing
the cane out
thank you very very much
[Applause]