if you are looking for ways to persuade
people and gain control in any situation
then this video is for you
what’s that believe nation it’s Evan my
one word is believe and I believe in you
and I want to see that amazing thing
that you’ve got inside you come out into
the world and have a huge impact for you
your family the community in the world
and so to help you on your journey one
of the things that comes up over and
over again when I talk to entrepreneurs
is I want to know how to persuade people
I want to know how to have control in
situations and so in today’s video I’m
gonna share with you my seven ways to
persuade people and gain control in any
situation so way number one is to have
confidence the person with the most
confidence usually wins the person who
can walk into a situation have
confidence that what they’re doing is
right they went you can shake somebody’s
confidence if you walk in II just
absolutely certain what you’re talking
about the person who walks in and
thought that they were certain now it’s
questioning themselves huh I was pretty
sure about that but this person seems
really really really confident so maybe
they’re right maybe I should listen a
little bit more and so having that
rock-solid confidence if you walk in and
you’re shaky and your voice is quivering
and you’re not sure you know you’re it’s
gonna be really really hard to persuade
somebody and control the situation in
the environment and so how do you gain
that confidence one I believe it comes
from just self-awareness and in
confidence of who you are before we’ve
been having confidence in your opinion
your idea its confidence in who you are
I believe it starts with your one word
understanding you’re seeing the most
important core value and for me it’s
about believe and I walk in feeling like
I believe in myself and I believe in
what I’m trying to do and if you don’t
like it I’m not actually trying to even
convince you I don’t want to do a sales
job on you I will just persuade you out
of my own confidence and passion for
what I’m doing and so I think that’s
really really really important I
remember a clip of jay-z and Warren
Buffett talking
to Forbes and you think these guys were
opposite ends of the world jay-z and
Warren Buffett and jay-z never had a
formal education or didn’t finish
university and they asked him like do
you ever feel like an outsider when you
walk into these boardrooms and everybody
else has all these MBAs in houston Gries
and and you didn’t go to school do you
feel like you’re less than how do you
get over that and he’s like I don’t I
don’t feel like I’m less than because
I’m not because these guys may have gone
to university and had all the schooling
but I went to the school of hard knocks
like I learned on the streets I still
went to school and so just that
perspective shift as an example Jacy
walked into a big boardroom
the people in that board who may be
thinking this guy he doesn’t know what
he’s talking about you know he didn’t go
to school where it were so much better
than him him walking in with just
confidence and not feeling less than
will make them respect him if he walks
in with confidence and it’s not a fake
confidence it’s not a I have to show
these guys how confident I am it’s he
actually is confident in himself and as
a result is confident in his ideas him
coming in confident will make them
adjust like Pope oh this guy is really
confident what he’s doing maybe maybe
we’re not right and then they said to
listen won and so having that confidence
again coming from you your poor knowing
your one word knowing what you stand for
allows you to be you in every situation
regardless of what other people are
throwing at you that allows you to win
arguments to persuade people to get
people on time with your vision and your
mission what you’re trying to accomplish
[Music]
okay we number two is to listen if you
want to persuade people to your side if
you want to gain control you have to
listen to what they want there’s an
expression you have two years in one
mouth the best salespeople the best
persuaders listen first it’s not just
about getting up and giving a speech or
just being a super confident person you
have to have ideas that resonate with
the people and that comes from Bheema
understand them you can’t walk into a
room with people that you don’t know and
just expect to know their problems and
have a great solution it’s by listening
to them letting them talk first
understanding what they’re going through
understanding their pains their desires
what they’re looking for out of this
this deal this negotiation this event
that you’re at together if you know what
they want then you can frame your
opportunity in a way that makes sense to
them and so it starts with listening
whenever you walk into a room you’re
asking why they’re there you’re asking
what they want the outcome to be you’re
trying to understand and Digger the
problems that they’re there for and then
you can create a solution that will
persuade them if they feel like you’re
on site with them if they feel like you
understand them they’re much more likely
to listen to you and want to work with
you then if they feel like you’re just
talking at them and you’ve had that
experience there’s a lot of times where
our sales person might come in and in
pitchy something that may even be the
best fit for you but because it didn’t
do a good job of listening to you and
understanding you you’re not gonna go
with them and so it’s really really
really important the first thing you do
is listen and seek to understand the
people that you want to persuade first
get that buy-in they will follow you
anywhere you want to take
[Music]
way number three for me is get to 85%
this is a term that I use and a strategy
I use when I’m managing people on my
team and the people that I’m trying to
push to do more and push harder I don’t
believe you ever have 100% information
you know by the time you get 100%
information it means the decisions
already been made if you’re thinking
about I want to do this or this there’s
always a degree of uncertainty you never
really know and the only way you know is
by looking backwards and you can’t live
like looking backwards well this event
happened with this event happened well I
don’t know but you will know in a year
when that has happened but you can’t
make a decision based off of that and so
you’re always working with incomplete
information what I want to do is get the
85% certainty that’s my benchmark first
point self awareness right I’m about
belief I know I’m about believe I’m Evan
Conrad on every situation I go into you
know whether it’s completely foreign to
me or it’s something I’ve gone to every
single day in my life
– I’m dealing with somebody I want to
listen to them until I get to 85 percent
certainty until they get to 85 percent
certainty of what this person really
wants what they’re dealing with how it
could help the homina pitch before I
start talking before I start trying to
persuade before I start giving my
argument or what I think is a solution
I’m listening until I get to that 85
percent certainty as soon as I get to 85
percent I switch as soon as I get the 85
percent certainty that I know what’s
gonna help this person how we can make a
deal the 85 becomes 100 it’s just a
confidence which it’s a hundred percent
I know how to do this and I switch from
listening mode into talking mode into
persuasive mode and I know how to guide
them through the path and so you get
there by listening and then when you’re
hitting your 85 percent then you need to
start talking right you can’t just
listen listen it alone it’s not going to
help you you have two years in one mouth
you gotta use both right you gotta use
your ears to listen and then you’d like
to speak and that comes from me when I
get to that eighty five percent so it’s
not being afraid of the other 15 I think
that holds a lot of people back you’re
mostly certain but you’re not 100% and
so you are afraid of action you
constantly hold back you constantly
don’t share your opinion you constantly
you know don’t try to persuade others to
move along that mission with you because
there is some doubt
long as there is doubt right the purse
with the most confidence wins as long as
there is some doubt then you’re gonna
lose and so for me eighty-five percent
certainty equals 100 percent certainty
equals absolute confidence and then I
can bring people on board with what I’m
trying to do we number four is
understand the reason behind the reason
this is really really really really
really important when you’re talking to
people you try to persuade them the
reason that they give you and this is
part of listening right the reason that
they give you is very rarely the actual
reason why they’re not doing something
they may say I don’t want to do this
because we may lose money on it or that
customer may say no we give you some
kind of reason which is true but it’s
not the real reason like the real reason
is maybe they’re afraid there is maybe
maybe they’re they’re worried about
being judged there’s always a reason
behind the reason and that’s what you
had to put your detective kind of gloves
on abductive hat and glasses on because
if all you do right there’s the real
reason is reason they’re giving you if
you’re always talking up here with the
reasons they’re giving you then there’ll
always be another reason they’ll just
keep injecting reasons of why this thing
that you have in mind won’t work out
because you never hit the core or if you
hit this reason you really understand
the why being on the why right like this
when you solve that all of these ones go
away
and so your job when you’re listening is
to try to uncover your part psychologist
now the why behind the why and you’re
listening and the way to do it is you’re
asking a lot of why questions like why
this why this why this you try to
understand them and then you’re looking
for patterns and the patterns come up in
even casual conversation like you’re
meeting them on a Monday how was your
weekend the answer is telling if
somebody is telling you all the great
things that happen you know this is a
really optimistic love in life happy
person if somebody is just complain
until your own things that went wrong
then they’re really negative they’re
pessimistic and so how they deal with
one problem is how they deal with every
problem typically and so in all of these
micro conversations and micro moments
that you feel might be meaningless like
you’re not really talking about the guts
of the situation yet
you’re learning you got urine your
antenna up because if you go really
optimistic and and happy and positive on
the person who just hates life
you’re not gonna connect you’re not
gonna persuade them they’re gonna see
you as this crazy out there person they
don’t want to deal with and so the
approach has to change in those intro
moments where you just find out about
them and you’re asking what seems to be
casual questions you’re kind of like
you’re taking notes so check in the
boxes and you’re looking for patterns
you’re looking for the ways that they
constantly react to things a constant
thinking patterns they’re constant
belief systems and when you understand
that then when you get to the guts of
what you’re actually trying to deal with
you have a framework for how to deal
with this person so understand the
reason behind the reason wait number
five is to over communicate
communication is incredibly important in
everything that we do especially when it
comes down to persuading someone so
let’s just take a step back to really
think about why is it that we’re trying
to persuade someone chances are they’re
not seeing eye-to-eye with us and a lot
of the times is because of
misunderstanding so it is our job to
really over communicate our vision and
what the bigger picture is so that way
the person that we’re trying to persuade
to see things from all perspectives
versus just on their perspective alone
so I was in a situation at work a few
years ago where I was trying to onboard
a particular project and there was
someone on my team just simply did not
agreeing with what it is that was trying
to do to the point it got so heated that
she threatened to leave the company and
I really didn’t want that because I
cared about her as a person as well as I
valued her talent and be part of our
company so I had to have a one-on-one on
his calm
with her to really see what it is that
was going on so I started off by over
communicating my vision the reason why
I’m trying to onboard this new project
is because I want to provide the best
experience that I can for our customers
now the methodology is a little bit
unorthodox but trust me it’s going to
work and it’s all in the sake of making
our customer experience way better than
it is before so she sat back and thought
about it a little bit
she said yeah it’s a little bit
different your methodology but the
reason why I work with you and the
reason why I am here is because I also
want to provide the best experience
possible to our customers that is why I
wake up every single day that is why I
come to work every day is for that
particular reason
so really her and I had the same vision
our vision is to provide the best
experience possible to our customers
now how we did it was quite different
and maybe my methodology was a little
bit unorthodox and very different from
what she would do but our vision was the
same so once we figured that we’re
really on the same page and we’re really
doing the same thing she decided that
she’s like you know why I’m on board
with you and I’m gonna try this thing
that you’re trying to do even though
it’s completely crazy but I know where
your intention is and I know what the
bigger picture is so I’m all for it even
after that I made sure that I over
communicate with her all the time I made
sure that every single month I do a
check-in with her to make sure that
she’s still ok with what it is that I’m
doing and I’m continuing to communicate
my vision with her so that way there’s
no cross and information and there’s no
misunderstanding at all now years later
we’re no longer working for the same
company but we’re also really good
friends and that all came from having on
conversation and really communicating
what it is that I’m trying to do
understanding the why behind everything
is the most important thing that you
could possibly do way number six is be
creative this is where as an
entrepreneur you win like entrepreneurs
a resource we’re creative we like to
find solutions that other people don’t
see and often if you want to persuade
people and gain control to your ideas
your mission your vision you have to be
creative it’s a come up with ideas that
may not have been on the table going in
and so when I go into a meeting with
somebody I have a game plan you know it
involves all these steps right like the
support is the listening and the 85
percent and it may even have a little
bit of context on the situation so my
goal is to get them you know to hear or
like here’s how we can get there
together but like the the action plan
for getting there I’m uncertain about I
need to get to 85 percent I’m listening
and often when you understand the why
behind the why the last point you’re
missing the reason behind the reason
then you can come up with a solution
that works for both of you it’s very
rare that you walk in and just a
solution makes sense it can happen like
exactly what you want is exactly what
they want great like you don’t need to
there’s nothing else that needs to be
done but when you want this and they
want this at the beginning you can seem
like it’s really really far away but
often behind both there’s like there’s a
common thread and it’s figuring out how
can we make that thing happen so that
we’re both happy that we didn’t think
about going into it so you know as an
example Alex on my team at EDS turn
events also who’s looking to train
another instructor but it was a guy and
he’s they work different days Alex is
teaching on one day the other guy’s
station and on another day different
locations and trying to figure how can
we make it work that Alex and train this
person so that we can kind of get to the
next step and on the surface it seems
like it’s impossible the schedules don’t
match out the locations don’t my child
how can we make it happen it’s just
thinking about creatine with you have
what make it happen so how can we meet
after hours
how can you maybe videotape your classes
and then send those to me and I can
review them how can we do role playing
at a studio time that really makes sense
in both of us or you can bring in
demo audience and work together it’s
like okay these are the problems the
problems may not be going away maybe the
problems are real problems maybe they’re
fit problems that you can address right
the the why behind the why but you need
to know what’s on the table right you
need to know the the variables that you
have to deal with and then find a
creative solution to help solve those
problems and if you’re not creative at
all you have no resources at all it’s
gonna be hard but maybe you can talk to
somebody who is and you can present all
of those situations and all the
variables say it’s like this is what I’m
dealing with how would you go about
solving it this almost always the best
solution is not the one that you walk in
with it’s not the one that they walk in
with some kind of weird Frankenstein
hybrid of things that didn’t expect to
come out it happens so often in my
meetings you know I had a meeting with
somebody else on my team and a third
party was was asking well how did the
meeting go when they said well here’s
what we came up with and said well that
wasn’t what we discussed like I know I
didn’t think of that until we went into
the meeting I didn’t have that solution
until I actually started talking the
person realize ah there’s something else
that we can do here that I never thought
of before based off of the feedback that
I was getting back from the person so if
you’re not sure I think I think a
powerful thing too is to be able to walk
away and just say let’s think about it
to not have to leave a room with the
decision each time and the more
confident you’re getting in creative
brainstorming tell with alternative
solutions the more you make that a habit
the better you’re gonna get at it and
it’s just so so so so powerful important
that the idea that you have coming in
Israeli the one that you end with in the
more that you can collaborate and really
deeply understand what they want you can
come up with a solution that fits for
everybody
[Music]
and way number seven is have built up
emotional this is really important for
people that are on your team people that
you know but I guess also for strangers
didn’t work out well the more people
know you like you trust you feel a
connection to you it’s just so much
easier to have a conversation and move
them to a point where you need to move
them you know as an example in in my TBS
business we had to let somebody go we
had to let somebody go who was in a
cultural fit for the business at the
time and this person was a friend of
other people at the business and I had a
risk of losing those other people
because they were friends and friendship
is a huge thing and people will make
decisions based off of that even if it’s
not you know practical and I had a big
issue that I had to deal with to keep
these people on board while their friend
was gone and the thing that saved me was
one having an honest conversation
explaining the situation as much detail
as possible over communicating super
important but I had built up emotional
equity with them I had done other things
for them so that I’m not just a bad
person they feel connected to me somehow
because I’ve helped them in their goals
you know the worst thing you can do is
tell me what your dream is if you work
for me the worst thing you can do and
the best it’s telling me what your dream
is because it’s on my mind I want to
make it happen even if it’s outside of
what I know or what I can do for you in
my company if you tell me what your
dream is I want to help you go out do it
and for these people I help them do that
I helped I help them in ways that other
people wouldn’t especially them in a
boss scenario and so that helped them
stay I used up all my emotional equity
in that moment and I’m rebuilding it
back up again with doing other things
and so the husbands and wives and
boyfriends and girlfriends of everybody
on my team are important to me from my
instructors that turn the den salsa all
off and meet with the boyfriends and
girlfriends and husband wives are the
people on my team to see how I can help
them to see how my business fits into
their life because the last thing I want
is somebody on my team going home and
having to deal with the husband or wife
who hates the fact that they’re out at
my
who sees chartered and salsa as
something that gets in their way I want
them on board because as soon as
anything gets contentious then it’s an
easy way to be able to step out and so
the more work that you can do like if
this is somewhere that you’ve dealt with
for a while the more work the more free
work that you do to build up that
emotional equity really really really
helps when you get to a difficult
situation and if you don’t know them at
all or if you never met them just
understanding them you know if they’re
on social media respond to some other
things retweet some of their comments
you know if they have YouTube videos
leave comments on it so that just they
know you right
some of the people that that I try to
connect with on I leave comments on
their Instagram I leave comments on
their YouTube there’s people who who
I’ve never met who leave comments all
over my youtube channel who if they
asked me for something I would do it
because there are known quantity I would
spend more time helping them than
somebody who would pay me to help
because I feel like I know them because
I I feel almost indebted like I want to
see them succeed because they’re part of
me and so the more you can build up
emotional equity with the person you’re
dealing with before you actually get in
there and deal with them the easier it
is for them to understand you like you
trust you and want to go down this
potentially hard road with you so those
are my tips on the 7 ways to persuade
people and gain control in any situation
thank you so much to mode abu-salha for
recommending the topic if you guys want
me to make up 7 ways on a certain topic
check out the link in description go on
cast your vote I’d also love to know
which of the 7 hit me the hardest had
the biggest impact you’re gonna test out
and apply in your life or in your
business and then I missing 8 9 10 that
you wanna add to the list share your
thoughts down the comments below thank
you guys again for watching I believe in
you I hope you continue to believe in
yourself and whatever you’re one room is
much love I’ll see you soon one more
song
as long you have the most important work
ever if you had to think of one word
that’s most important to you or that
sums you Apple that would be like a
little beacon pay believe nation if you
want to know what the most important one
word is for Tony Robbins Gary Vaynerchuk
Oprah Winfrey will.i.am and Howard
Schultz I have a very special secret
video for you check the description for
details
people and gain control in any situation
then this video is for you
what’s that believe nation it’s Evan my
one word is believe and I believe in you
and I want to see that amazing thing
that you’ve got inside you come out into
the world and have a huge impact for you
your family the community in the world
and so to help you on your journey one
of the things that comes up over and
over again when I talk to entrepreneurs
is I want to know how to persuade people
I want to know how to have control in
situations and so in today’s video I’m
gonna share with you my seven ways to
persuade people and gain control in any
situation so way number one is to have
confidence the person with the most
confidence usually wins the person who
can walk into a situation have
confidence that what they’re doing is
right they went you can shake somebody’s
confidence if you walk in II just
absolutely certain what you’re talking
about the person who walks in and
thought that they were certain now it’s
questioning themselves huh I was pretty
sure about that but this person seems
really really really confident so maybe
they’re right maybe I should listen a
little bit more and so having that
rock-solid confidence if you walk in and
you’re shaky and your voice is quivering
and you’re not sure you know you’re it’s
gonna be really really hard to persuade
somebody and control the situation in
the environment and so how do you gain
that confidence one I believe it comes
from just self-awareness and in
confidence of who you are before we’ve
been having confidence in your opinion
your idea its confidence in who you are
I believe it starts with your one word
understanding you’re seeing the most
important core value and for me it’s
about believe and I walk in feeling like
I believe in myself and I believe in
what I’m trying to do and if you don’t
like it I’m not actually trying to even
convince you I don’t want to do a sales
job on you I will just persuade you out
of my own confidence and passion for
what I’m doing and so I think that’s
really really really important I
remember a clip of jay-z and Warren
Buffett talking
to Forbes and you think these guys were
opposite ends of the world jay-z and
Warren Buffett and jay-z never had a
formal education or didn’t finish
university and they asked him like do
you ever feel like an outsider when you
walk into these boardrooms and everybody
else has all these MBAs in houston Gries
and and you didn’t go to school do you
feel like you’re less than how do you
get over that and he’s like I don’t I
don’t feel like I’m less than because
I’m not because these guys may have gone
to university and had all the schooling
but I went to the school of hard knocks
like I learned on the streets I still
went to school and so just that
perspective shift as an example Jacy
walked into a big boardroom
the people in that board who may be
thinking this guy he doesn’t know what
he’s talking about you know he didn’t go
to school where it were so much better
than him him walking in with just
confidence and not feeling less than
will make them respect him if he walks
in with confidence and it’s not a fake
confidence it’s not a I have to show
these guys how confident I am it’s he
actually is confident in himself and as
a result is confident in his ideas him
coming in confident will make them
adjust like Pope oh this guy is really
confident what he’s doing maybe maybe
we’re not right and then they said to
listen won and so having that confidence
again coming from you your poor knowing
your one word knowing what you stand for
allows you to be you in every situation
regardless of what other people are
throwing at you that allows you to win
arguments to persuade people to get
people on time with your vision and your
mission what you’re trying to accomplish
[Music]
okay we number two is to listen if you
want to persuade people to your side if
you want to gain control you have to
listen to what they want there’s an
expression you have two years in one
mouth the best salespeople the best
persuaders listen first it’s not just
about getting up and giving a speech or
just being a super confident person you
have to have ideas that resonate with
the people and that comes from Bheema
understand them you can’t walk into a
room with people that you don’t know and
just expect to know their problems and
have a great solution it’s by listening
to them letting them talk first
understanding what they’re going through
understanding their pains their desires
what they’re looking for out of this
this deal this negotiation this event
that you’re at together if you know what
they want then you can frame your
opportunity in a way that makes sense to
them and so it starts with listening
whenever you walk into a room you’re
asking why they’re there you’re asking
what they want the outcome to be you’re
trying to understand and Digger the
problems that they’re there for and then
you can create a solution that will
persuade them if they feel like you’re
on site with them if they feel like you
understand them they’re much more likely
to listen to you and want to work with
you then if they feel like you’re just
talking at them and you’ve had that
experience there’s a lot of times where
our sales person might come in and in
pitchy something that may even be the
best fit for you but because it didn’t
do a good job of listening to you and
understanding you you’re not gonna go
with them and so it’s really really
really important the first thing you do
is listen and seek to understand the
people that you want to persuade first
get that buy-in they will follow you
anywhere you want to take
[Music]
way number three for me is get to 85%
this is a term that I use and a strategy
I use when I’m managing people on my
team and the people that I’m trying to
push to do more and push harder I don’t
believe you ever have 100% information
you know by the time you get 100%
information it means the decisions
already been made if you’re thinking
about I want to do this or this there’s
always a degree of uncertainty you never
really know and the only way you know is
by looking backwards and you can’t live
like looking backwards well this event
happened with this event happened well I
don’t know but you will know in a year
when that has happened but you can’t
make a decision based off of that and so
you’re always working with incomplete
information what I want to do is get the
85% certainty that’s my benchmark first
point self awareness right I’m about
belief I know I’m about believe I’m Evan
Conrad on every situation I go into you
know whether it’s completely foreign to
me or it’s something I’ve gone to every
single day in my life
– I’m dealing with somebody I want to
listen to them until I get to 85 percent
certainty until they get to 85 percent
certainty of what this person really
wants what they’re dealing with how it
could help the homina pitch before I
start talking before I start trying to
persuade before I start giving my
argument or what I think is a solution
I’m listening until I get to that 85
percent certainty as soon as I get to 85
percent I switch as soon as I get the 85
percent certainty that I know what’s
gonna help this person how we can make a
deal the 85 becomes 100 it’s just a
confidence which it’s a hundred percent
I know how to do this and I switch from
listening mode into talking mode into
persuasive mode and I know how to guide
them through the path and so you get
there by listening and then when you’re
hitting your 85 percent then you need to
start talking right you can’t just
listen listen it alone it’s not going to
help you you have two years in one mouth
you gotta use both right you gotta use
your ears to listen and then you’d like
to speak and that comes from me when I
get to that eighty five percent so it’s
not being afraid of the other 15 I think
that holds a lot of people back you’re
mostly certain but you’re not 100% and
so you are afraid of action you
constantly hold back you constantly
don’t share your opinion you constantly
you know don’t try to persuade others to
move along that mission with you because
there is some doubt
long as there is doubt right the purse
with the most confidence wins as long as
there is some doubt then you’re gonna
lose and so for me eighty-five percent
certainty equals 100 percent certainty
equals absolute confidence and then I
can bring people on board with what I’m
trying to do we number four is
understand the reason behind the reason
this is really really really really
really important when you’re talking to
people you try to persuade them the
reason that they give you and this is
part of listening right the reason that
they give you is very rarely the actual
reason why they’re not doing something
they may say I don’t want to do this
because we may lose money on it or that
customer may say no we give you some
kind of reason which is true but it’s
not the real reason like the real reason
is maybe they’re afraid there is maybe
maybe they’re they’re worried about
being judged there’s always a reason
behind the reason and that’s what you
had to put your detective kind of gloves
on abductive hat and glasses on because
if all you do right there’s the real
reason is reason they’re giving you if
you’re always talking up here with the
reasons they’re giving you then there’ll
always be another reason they’ll just
keep injecting reasons of why this thing
that you have in mind won’t work out
because you never hit the core or if you
hit this reason you really understand
the why being on the why right like this
when you solve that all of these ones go
away
and so your job when you’re listening is
to try to uncover your part psychologist
now the why behind the why and you’re
listening and the way to do it is you’re
asking a lot of why questions like why
this why this why this you try to
understand them and then you’re looking
for patterns and the patterns come up in
even casual conversation like you’re
meeting them on a Monday how was your
weekend the answer is telling if
somebody is telling you all the great
things that happen you know this is a
really optimistic love in life happy
person if somebody is just complain
until your own things that went wrong
then they’re really negative they’re
pessimistic and so how they deal with
one problem is how they deal with every
problem typically and so in all of these
micro conversations and micro moments
that you feel might be meaningless like
you’re not really talking about the guts
of the situation yet
you’re learning you got urine your
antenna up because if you go really
optimistic and and happy and positive on
the person who just hates life
you’re not gonna connect you’re not
gonna persuade them they’re gonna see
you as this crazy out there person they
don’t want to deal with and so the
approach has to change in those intro
moments where you just find out about
them and you’re asking what seems to be
casual questions you’re kind of like
you’re taking notes so check in the
boxes and you’re looking for patterns
you’re looking for the ways that they
constantly react to things a constant
thinking patterns they’re constant
belief systems and when you understand
that then when you get to the guts of
what you’re actually trying to deal with
you have a framework for how to deal
with this person so understand the
reason behind the reason wait number
five is to over communicate
communication is incredibly important in
everything that we do especially when it
comes down to persuading someone so
let’s just take a step back to really
think about why is it that we’re trying
to persuade someone chances are they’re
not seeing eye-to-eye with us and a lot
of the times is because of
misunderstanding so it is our job to
really over communicate our vision and
what the bigger picture is so that way
the person that we’re trying to persuade
to see things from all perspectives
versus just on their perspective alone
so I was in a situation at work a few
years ago where I was trying to onboard
a particular project and there was
someone on my team just simply did not
agreeing with what it is that was trying
to do to the point it got so heated that
she threatened to leave the company and
I really didn’t want that because I
cared about her as a person as well as I
valued her talent and be part of our
company so I had to have a one-on-one on
his calm
with her to really see what it is that
was going on so I started off by over
communicating my vision the reason why
I’m trying to onboard this new project
is because I want to provide the best
experience that I can for our customers
now the methodology is a little bit
unorthodox but trust me it’s going to
work and it’s all in the sake of making
our customer experience way better than
it is before so she sat back and thought
about it a little bit
she said yeah it’s a little bit
different your methodology but the
reason why I work with you and the
reason why I am here is because I also
want to provide the best experience
possible to our customers that is why I
wake up every single day that is why I
come to work every day is for that
particular reason
so really her and I had the same vision
our vision is to provide the best
experience possible to our customers
now how we did it was quite different
and maybe my methodology was a little
bit unorthodox and very different from
what she would do but our vision was the
same so once we figured that we’re
really on the same page and we’re really
doing the same thing she decided that
she’s like you know why I’m on board
with you and I’m gonna try this thing
that you’re trying to do even though
it’s completely crazy but I know where
your intention is and I know what the
bigger picture is so I’m all for it even
after that I made sure that I over
communicate with her all the time I made
sure that every single month I do a
check-in with her to make sure that
she’s still ok with what it is that I’m
doing and I’m continuing to communicate
my vision with her so that way there’s
no cross and information and there’s no
misunderstanding at all now years later
we’re no longer working for the same
company but we’re also really good
friends and that all came from having on
conversation and really communicating
what it is that I’m trying to do
understanding the why behind everything
is the most important thing that you
could possibly do way number six is be
creative this is where as an
entrepreneur you win like entrepreneurs
a resource we’re creative we like to
find solutions that other people don’t
see and often if you want to persuade
people and gain control to your ideas
your mission your vision you have to be
creative it’s a come up with ideas that
may not have been on the table going in
and so when I go into a meeting with
somebody I have a game plan you know it
involves all these steps right like the
support is the listening and the 85
percent and it may even have a little
bit of context on the situation so my
goal is to get them you know to hear or
like here’s how we can get there
together but like the the action plan
for getting there I’m uncertain about I
need to get to 85 percent I’m listening
and often when you understand the why
behind the why the last point you’re
missing the reason behind the reason
then you can come up with a solution
that works for both of you it’s very
rare that you walk in and just a
solution makes sense it can happen like
exactly what you want is exactly what
they want great like you don’t need to
there’s nothing else that needs to be
done but when you want this and they
want this at the beginning you can seem
like it’s really really far away but
often behind both there’s like there’s a
common thread and it’s figuring out how
can we make that thing happen so that
we’re both happy that we didn’t think
about going into it so you know as an
example Alex on my team at EDS turn
events also who’s looking to train
another instructor but it was a guy and
he’s they work different days Alex is
teaching on one day the other guy’s
station and on another day different
locations and trying to figure how can
we make it work that Alex and train this
person so that we can kind of get to the
next step and on the surface it seems
like it’s impossible the schedules don’t
match out the locations don’t my child
how can we make it happen it’s just
thinking about creatine with you have
what make it happen so how can we meet
after hours
how can you maybe videotape your classes
and then send those to me and I can
review them how can we do role playing
at a studio time that really makes sense
in both of us or you can bring in
demo audience and work together it’s
like okay these are the problems the
problems may not be going away maybe the
problems are real problems maybe they’re
fit problems that you can address right
the the why behind the why but you need
to know what’s on the table right you
need to know the the variables that you
have to deal with and then find a
creative solution to help solve those
problems and if you’re not creative at
all you have no resources at all it’s
gonna be hard but maybe you can talk to
somebody who is and you can present all
of those situations and all the
variables say it’s like this is what I’m
dealing with how would you go about
solving it this almost always the best
solution is not the one that you walk in
with it’s not the one that they walk in
with some kind of weird Frankenstein
hybrid of things that didn’t expect to
come out it happens so often in my
meetings you know I had a meeting with
somebody else on my team and a third
party was was asking well how did the
meeting go when they said well here’s
what we came up with and said well that
wasn’t what we discussed like I know I
didn’t think of that until we went into
the meeting I didn’t have that solution
until I actually started talking the
person realize ah there’s something else
that we can do here that I never thought
of before based off of the feedback that
I was getting back from the person so if
you’re not sure I think I think a
powerful thing too is to be able to walk
away and just say let’s think about it
to not have to leave a room with the
decision each time and the more
confident you’re getting in creative
brainstorming tell with alternative
solutions the more you make that a habit
the better you’re gonna get at it and
it’s just so so so so powerful important
that the idea that you have coming in
Israeli the one that you end with in the
more that you can collaborate and really
deeply understand what they want you can
come up with a solution that fits for
everybody
[Music]
and way number seven is have built up
emotional this is really important for
people that are on your team people that
you know but I guess also for strangers
didn’t work out well the more people
know you like you trust you feel a
connection to you it’s just so much
easier to have a conversation and move
them to a point where you need to move
them you know as an example in in my TBS
business we had to let somebody go we
had to let somebody go who was in a
cultural fit for the business at the
time and this person was a friend of
other people at the business and I had a
risk of losing those other people
because they were friends and friendship
is a huge thing and people will make
decisions based off of that even if it’s
not you know practical and I had a big
issue that I had to deal with to keep
these people on board while their friend
was gone and the thing that saved me was
one having an honest conversation
explaining the situation as much detail
as possible over communicating super
important but I had built up emotional
equity with them I had done other things
for them so that I’m not just a bad
person they feel connected to me somehow
because I’ve helped them in their goals
you know the worst thing you can do is
tell me what your dream is if you work
for me the worst thing you can do and
the best it’s telling me what your dream
is because it’s on my mind I want to
make it happen even if it’s outside of
what I know or what I can do for you in
my company if you tell me what your
dream is I want to help you go out do it
and for these people I help them do that
I helped I help them in ways that other
people wouldn’t especially them in a
boss scenario and so that helped them
stay I used up all my emotional equity
in that moment and I’m rebuilding it
back up again with doing other things
and so the husbands and wives and
boyfriends and girlfriends of everybody
on my team are important to me from my
instructors that turn the den salsa all
off and meet with the boyfriends and
girlfriends and husband wives are the
people on my team to see how I can help
them to see how my business fits into
their life because the last thing I want
is somebody on my team going home and
having to deal with the husband or wife
who hates the fact that they’re out at
my
who sees chartered and salsa as
something that gets in their way I want
them on board because as soon as
anything gets contentious then it’s an
easy way to be able to step out and so
the more work that you can do like if
this is somewhere that you’ve dealt with
for a while the more work the more free
work that you do to build up that
emotional equity really really really
helps when you get to a difficult
situation and if you don’t know them at
all or if you never met them just
understanding them you know if they’re
on social media respond to some other
things retweet some of their comments
you know if they have YouTube videos
leave comments on it so that just they
know you right
some of the people that that I try to
connect with on I leave comments on
their Instagram I leave comments on
their YouTube there’s people who who
I’ve never met who leave comments all
over my youtube channel who if they
asked me for something I would do it
because there are known quantity I would
spend more time helping them than
somebody who would pay me to help
because I feel like I know them because
I I feel almost indebted like I want to
see them succeed because they’re part of
me and so the more you can build up
emotional equity with the person you’re
dealing with before you actually get in
there and deal with them the easier it
is for them to understand you like you
trust you and want to go down this
potentially hard road with you so those
are my tips on the 7 ways to persuade
people and gain control in any situation
thank you so much to mode abu-salha for
recommending the topic if you guys want
me to make up 7 ways on a certain topic
check out the link in description go on
cast your vote I’d also love to know
which of the 7 hit me the hardest had
the biggest impact you’re gonna test out
and apply in your life or in your
business and then I missing 8 9 10 that
you wanna add to the list share your
thoughts down the comments below thank
you guys again for watching I believe in
you I hope you continue to believe in
yourself and whatever you’re one room is
much love I’ll see you soon one more
song
as long you have the most important work
ever if you had to think of one word
that’s most important to you or that
sums you Apple that would be like a
little beacon pay believe nation if you
want to know what the most important one
word is for Tony Robbins Gary Vaynerchuk
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