good morning believe nation today we’re
going to talk about five ways that you
can overcome shyness the third way is my
personal favorite and make sure to stick
around all the way to the end for my
thoughts in a subject to when that
moment of shyness hits and the hands
don’t know where to go you feel like
you’ve got nothing worthwhile to say
instantly recognize this and stop trying
to do anything and just exist in fact
let yourself suck what I mean by this is
you can be boring when I feel this
happen to me it happens sometimes when
I’m out at a bar a club and I’ve been
separated for my friends and I find
myself alone and feeling like I don’t
really want to jump back into
conversation with anyone but what I used
to do was go okay you’ve got to you got
to be fun this is your YouTube channel
your Chrismon command you got to do it
and I’d force myself in that moment
giving yourself 20 to 30 seconds just
stand there and go you know what I’m
gonna suck I don’t feel like doing this
right now it’s such an amazing reboot so
what it looks like is I’ll be out and I
will literally my hands will drop to my
side I’m not gonna smile not gonna make
great eye contact I might wander a
little bit but I’m gonna do as little as
possible and what this does is it frees
me because what shyness is is it’s when
you don’t feel like the things you have
to say are enough when you don’t feel
like the way that you feel is enough or
good enough to engage with other people
what happens when you allow yourself to
be boring is you just you give yourself
that worst-case scenario right that’s
gonna be much worse than this out of the
bar or a club or a networking event
right and what that does is it
eliminates the need to perform anything
and for me this normally takes 20 to 30
seconds before I feel myself reset and
all of a sudden I don’t feel like I
should do anything after about 20 30
seconds I kind of feel like I want to
because now I’m boring myself or I’ll
just go home but at this point you know
you fully reset when you feel it switch
from I’ve got to I need to do this too I
kind of want to now caveat here this
doesn’t mean that you pull out your
phone and you text on your phone for 30
seconds that’s the opposite that’s you
trying to look busy right that’s the
opposite doesn’t mean that you go up
against the bar or you stand there and
try to
or you try to look powerful you actually
release the judgments of everybody else
if they’re gonna think you’re boring
totally fine but you don’t try to look
like anything you let yourself just go
slack breathe deep thirty seconds later
you’re gonna feel a massive difference
I’m very shy so it’s hard for me to make
friends and get noticed at work how can
I change that oh I’m naked to work I
would say first of all all of us have
kind of an identity for ourselves a way
of defining ourselves and human beings
don’t usually stray from that so if you
consider yourself to be a conservative
person or a shy person I know the way
you move to some extent I know the
facial expressions the gestures I use
your body and it’s all consistent with
the fact that human beings our strongest
Drive is the need to stay consistent
with how we define ourselves if your
self definition is I’m a situation where
I’m kind of what was the word he used a
shy shy then you’re gonna find a way to
get to a place where you kind of cower
back right that’s this thing you can do
to change your experience would be to
create a new little thing of simple
thing like erase the video I’m shy go
erase that’s a BS story bs meeting
belief system that’s just a story and if
you tell yourself a story long enough
you start to believe it don’t you
believe it you act like it when you cook
calling yourself shy you believe you
have always been shot up until this
moment do something that’s completely
outside what you would normally do
something become somebody else decide
who’s the most playful passionate
outrageous fun pursing it now and behave
like them for two or three days just
push yourself to behave like that here’s
what’s happened it’ll be shocking you’ll
be weird do be different you’ll feel
uncomfortable but after a while you’ll
get reinforced it’s like if you get a
nice haircut you make a change in way
you look people compliment you you’ll
get some compliments and those
compliments will make you want to use
those other parts yourself well to
really overcome shyness you have to
start to overcome your self-image and
you have to start to overcome this idea
that people are looking at you and
people are really caring about what
you’re doing the problem the fundamental
problem is that you care too much about
what other people think of you
and that is something that you’re gonna
have to numb down through a process of
progressive desensitization is that
you’re gonna go through and you’re gonna
whatever technique you use that I’m
going to give you here is you’re gonna
numb yourself down to this idea that
it’s important what people think of you
because right now you care too much and
maybe because you care so much about how
people think of you you stutter or you
don’t make eye contact or you don’t go
up and you introduce yourself or you’re
afraid of approaching someone and
putting yourself out on the line because
you either fear rejection you fear
embarrassment you feel that people will
laugh at you you fear that people think
that you’re weird or any number of these
kind of doom and gloom scenarios the
fact is that that’s something that
you’ve constructed in your mind and I
know because I have this I’ve had it
really bad in the past and I still have
it to some degree now it’s still hard
for me to sometimes go up to a stranger
and introduce myself or to go on the
line and and go you know like hit on a
girl in a club or in a bar that’s still
challenging it can be so first of all
realize that you’re totally normal and
that there are a lot a lot of people in
the world millions of people that are
caught in this situation and the reason
is that they haven’t gone in there and
they haven’t done themselves down to it
so the only way that you’re really gonna
overcome shyness is by actually going
out and interacting with people you
can’t really avoid that what you can do
is kind of build up gradually so that
it’s not as painful or scary as it would
be if you just for example went up and
you had to give a speech in front of a
thousand people in auditorium that would
be so scary that you probably throw up
and you would never do it whereas if you
start yourself small and baby step your
way up over a long period of time
then you can get this problem handled so
for example if you are shy in the
context of work like you’re not
asserting yourself at work and you know
that you’re that other people are more
more involved they’re their voices being
heard more and in group meetings it’s
that true
what you gotta do is you gotta start
opening yourself up start very small so
what can you do what’s one thing you can
do well you could maybe find one
League or two colleagues and just make
friends with them and start building up
relationships with them and maybe you
could start going to lunch or meeting up
with them during coffee breaks or at the
water cooler and just start chatting
them up this is something that you’re
gonna have to you’re gonna have to train
yourself to do right is you have to put
your covers a little bit cuz naturally
you’re not gonna want to go and just
have some idle chitchat with somebody at
the water cooler or maybe ask them to
lunch maybe what if they reject you you
have to put yourself out on a limb it’s
a it’s a small limb the fact is that
most people will not reject you you’ll
be surprised at how good they they
respond to you and even if you’re
socially uncalibrated they’ll still
respond well to you in most cases and
even if they don’t again this goes back
to the problem of why do you care so
much why do you care so much that
someone doesn’t want to go to lunch with
you or snubs you at the water cooler
it’s not that big of a deal
and you have to get yourself accustomed
to that because right now if you’re very
sensitive to it if you have got thin
skin then that’s gonna be painful but
you got to put yourself out there and
try it so start small and then once for
example you’ve got some lunch
relationships built you’re going out
with people at lunch
maybe then you’re going out first with
with one other person so it’s just the
two of you then maybe you invite a third
person then maybe you hold a a weekly
lunch with you know with your team of
ten people or five people and all of a
sudden you start kind of hobnobbing with
them interacting with them in kind of a
more casual lunch environment then all
the sudden when you’re at work in a
group meeting then you can be more
assertive there and it’ll just it’ll
just transfer over and you’ll get better
and better and better at it that’s
something you have to practice you know
the biggest problem that a shy person
has is that they label themselves as shy
and when we label ourselves as shy we
act like a shy person would and people
don’t naturally gravitate towards a shy
person because we could feel their
discomfort so the best thing that you
could do is to challenge yourself by
going into social situations that you
either know somebody that you trust the
you can really rely on to help you
overcome that initial first step which
is always the most difficult or you can
really put the focus on to somebody else
the great news for a shy person is that
people are so self-absorbed they love to
talk about themselves so all you need to
do is ask a question as simple or easy
as how was your day and the other person
will start talking and you could be more
focused on them than you and sooner or
later you will find that the only reason
why you are shy is because you thought
that you were lastly a lot of guys are
nervous to talk to girls
because they don’t believe they have
something to bring to the table so what
you can do to combat this is to bring
value to Congress
what you can do is make a list or think
about all the things that you could do
to bring value to a conversation is it
an interesting story a funny joke but
you’re just offering unique information
about yourself that might inspire
someone can you teach someone something
can you make someone feel good about
themselves those are some of the
examples of ways that you can bring
value to a conversation and once you’re
bringing value then you will know for
sure that people want to talk to you and
therefore get rid of your so-called
shyness so my quick thoughts on shyness
I have two the first is one maybe you
don’t need to change it if you are not a
naturally extroverted person you don’t
have to look at those people who are
massively Oxenberg and say I want to be
like them recognizing that you have
strengths you’re good at things being
introverted is not a problem it’s not
something that necessarily needs to be
fixed and to be comfortable and happy
with who you are and recognize the
strengths that you do have and and go
all in on your strengths I’m a big
believer in what you are really good at
you should go and try to accentuate and
try to be one of the best in the world
that and forget about the weaknesses
stop trying to fix the weaknesses
because you’ll let best be mediocre at
them and then you never actually get to
do the thing that you can change the
world with where instead go all-in on
what you’re really amazing at and that
can allow you to have that big impact
that you’re looking for the second part
though is if you feel like this is
something that’s holding you back or you
have some big goal that you want to
reach and you’re afraid to do it or
you’re afraid to talk to somebody you
feel like that’s really limiting you
practice really helps in small steps
really help so for me you know speaking
on stage was something that what used to
be super nervous about so talking to a
small group really helped practicing by
getting in front of the camera and just
doing some YouTube videos really helped
me and so pushing yourself to like that
one big step may seem insanely huge
break that down into a smaller step and
do that one little step that is still
scary but not super scary something you
can do and then you take another small
step in another small step in another
small step each time push you a comfort
zone just a little bit and when you look
back you’ll notice that you took that
giant leap but it wasn’t all at once it
was in steps and I found that that
really helped me as well so thank you
guys so much for watching I’d love to
know what you thought about this video I
love to know if
you are a shy person if you feel that it
holds you back what you’ve learned from
this video that maybe you’re gonna apply
to your life in your business leaving it
in the comments below really curious
hear what you have to say and finally
one thing give a quick shout out to
Michael Ashe Michael thank you so much
for purchasing the copy of my book it
means a lot to me Michael is also one of
my proofreaders or pre readers at the
start where he had the book that was
twice as long and so he gave some
amazing feedback Michael really
appreciated that for those of you who
want your chance at a future shadow in
the video make sure you pick up a copy
the book and email in your receipt so I
can keep track thank you so much for
watching have an amazing day
continue to believe or whatever your one
where it is and I’ll see you soon
going to talk about five ways that you
can overcome shyness the third way is my
personal favorite and make sure to stick
around all the way to the end for my
thoughts in a subject to when that
moment of shyness hits and the hands
don’t know where to go you feel like
you’ve got nothing worthwhile to say
instantly recognize this and stop trying
to do anything and just exist in fact
let yourself suck what I mean by this is
you can be boring when I feel this
happen to me it happens sometimes when
I’m out at a bar a club and I’ve been
separated for my friends and I find
myself alone and feeling like I don’t
really want to jump back into
conversation with anyone but what I used
to do was go okay you’ve got to you got
to be fun this is your YouTube channel
your Chrismon command you got to do it
and I’d force myself in that moment
giving yourself 20 to 30 seconds just
stand there and go you know what I’m
gonna suck I don’t feel like doing this
right now it’s such an amazing reboot so
what it looks like is I’ll be out and I
will literally my hands will drop to my
side I’m not gonna smile not gonna make
great eye contact I might wander a
little bit but I’m gonna do as little as
possible and what this does is it frees
me because what shyness is is it’s when
you don’t feel like the things you have
to say are enough when you don’t feel
like the way that you feel is enough or
good enough to engage with other people
what happens when you allow yourself to
be boring is you just you give yourself
that worst-case scenario right that’s
gonna be much worse than this out of the
bar or a club or a networking event
right and what that does is it
eliminates the need to perform anything
and for me this normally takes 20 to 30
seconds before I feel myself reset and
all of a sudden I don’t feel like I
should do anything after about 20 30
seconds I kind of feel like I want to
because now I’m boring myself or I’ll
just go home but at this point you know
you fully reset when you feel it switch
from I’ve got to I need to do this too I
kind of want to now caveat here this
doesn’t mean that you pull out your
phone and you text on your phone for 30
seconds that’s the opposite that’s you
trying to look busy right that’s the
opposite doesn’t mean that you go up
against the bar or you stand there and
try to
or you try to look powerful you actually
release the judgments of everybody else
if they’re gonna think you’re boring
totally fine but you don’t try to look
like anything you let yourself just go
slack breathe deep thirty seconds later
you’re gonna feel a massive difference
I’m very shy so it’s hard for me to make
friends and get noticed at work how can
I change that oh I’m naked to work I
would say first of all all of us have
kind of an identity for ourselves a way
of defining ourselves and human beings
don’t usually stray from that so if you
consider yourself to be a conservative
person or a shy person I know the way
you move to some extent I know the
facial expressions the gestures I use
your body and it’s all consistent with
the fact that human beings our strongest
Drive is the need to stay consistent
with how we define ourselves if your
self definition is I’m a situation where
I’m kind of what was the word he used a
shy shy then you’re gonna find a way to
get to a place where you kind of cower
back right that’s this thing you can do
to change your experience would be to
create a new little thing of simple
thing like erase the video I’m shy go
erase that’s a BS story bs meeting
belief system that’s just a story and if
you tell yourself a story long enough
you start to believe it don’t you
believe it you act like it when you cook
calling yourself shy you believe you
have always been shot up until this
moment do something that’s completely
outside what you would normally do
something become somebody else decide
who’s the most playful passionate
outrageous fun pursing it now and behave
like them for two or three days just
push yourself to behave like that here’s
what’s happened it’ll be shocking you’ll
be weird do be different you’ll feel
uncomfortable but after a while you’ll
get reinforced it’s like if you get a
nice haircut you make a change in way
you look people compliment you you’ll
get some compliments and those
compliments will make you want to use
those other parts yourself well to
really overcome shyness you have to
start to overcome your self-image and
you have to start to overcome this idea
that people are looking at you and
people are really caring about what
you’re doing the problem the fundamental
problem is that you care too much about
what other people think of you
and that is something that you’re gonna
have to numb down through a process of
progressive desensitization is that
you’re gonna go through and you’re gonna
whatever technique you use that I’m
going to give you here is you’re gonna
numb yourself down to this idea that
it’s important what people think of you
because right now you care too much and
maybe because you care so much about how
people think of you you stutter or you
don’t make eye contact or you don’t go
up and you introduce yourself or you’re
afraid of approaching someone and
putting yourself out on the line because
you either fear rejection you fear
embarrassment you feel that people will
laugh at you you fear that people think
that you’re weird or any number of these
kind of doom and gloom scenarios the
fact is that that’s something that
you’ve constructed in your mind and I
know because I have this I’ve had it
really bad in the past and I still have
it to some degree now it’s still hard
for me to sometimes go up to a stranger
and introduce myself or to go on the
line and and go you know like hit on a
girl in a club or in a bar that’s still
challenging it can be so first of all
realize that you’re totally normal and
that there are a lot a lot of people in
the world millions of people that are
caught in this situation and the reason
is that they haven’t gone in there and
they haven’t done themselves down to it
so the only way that you’re really gonna
overcome shyness is by actually going
out and interacting with people you
can’t really avoid that what you can do
is kind of build up gradually so that
it’s not as painful or scary as it would
be if you just for example went up and
you had to give a speech in front of a
thousand people in auditorium that would
be so scary that you probably throw up
and you would never do it whereas if you
start yourself small and baby step your
way up over a long period of time
then you can get this problem handled so
for example if you are shy in the
context of work like you’re not
asserting yourself at work and you know
that you’re that other people are more
more involved they’re their voices being
heard more and in group meetings it’s
that true
what you gotta do is you gotta start
opening yourself up start very small so
what can you do what’s one thing you can
do well you could maybe find one
League or two colleagues and just make
friends with them and start building up
relationships with them and maybe you
could start going to lunch or meeting up
with them during coffee breaks or at the
water cooler and just start chatting
them up this is something that you’re
gonna have to you’re gonna have to train
yourself to do right is you have to put
your covers a little bit cuz naturally
you’re not gonna want to go and just
have some idle chitchat with somebody at
the water cooler or maybe ask them to
lunch maybe what if they reject you you
have to put yourself out on a limb it’s
a it’s a small limb the fact is that
most people will not reject you you’ll
be surprised at how good they they
respond to you and even if you’re
socially uncalibrated they’ll still
respond well to you in most cases and
even if they don’t again this goes back
to the problem of why do you care so
much why do you care so much that
someone doesn’t want to go to lunch with
you or snubs you at the water cooler
it’s not that big of a deal
and you have to get yourself accustomed
to that because right now if you’re very
sensitive to it if you have got thin
skin then that’s gonna be painful but
you got to put yourself out there and
try it so start small and then once for
example you’ve got some lunch
relationships built you’re going out
with people at lunch
maybe then you’re going out first with
with one other person so it’s just the
two of you then maybe you invite a third
person then maybe you hold a a weekly
lunch with you know with your team of
ten people or five people and all of a
sudden you start kind of hobnobbing with
them interacting with them in kind of a
more casual lunch environment then all
the sudden when you’re at work in a
group meeting then you can be more
assertive there and it’ll just it’ll
just transfer over and you’ll get better
and better and better at it that’s
something you have to practice you know
the biggest problem that a shy person
has is that they label themselves as shy
and when we label ourselves as shy we
act like a shy person would and people
don’t naturally gravitate towards a shy
person because we could feel their
discomfort so the best thing that you
could do is to challenge yourself by
going into social situations that you
either know somebody that you trust the
you can really rely on to help you
overcome that initial first step which
is always the most difficult or you can
really put the focus on to somebody else
the great news for a shy person is that
people are so self-absorbed they love to
talk about themselves so all you need to
do is ask a question as simple or easy
as how was your day and the other person
will start talking and you could be more
focused on them than you and sooner or
later you will find that the only reason
why you are shy is because you thought
that you were lastly a lot of guys are
nervous to talk to girls
because they don’t believe they have
something to bring to the table so what
you can do to combat this is to bring
value to Congress
what you can do is make a list or think
about all the things that you could do
to bring value to a conversation is it
an interesting story a funny joke but
you’re just offering unique information
about yourself that might inspire
someone can you teach someone something
can you make someone feel good about
themselves those are some of the
examples of ways that you can bring
value to a conversation and once you’re
bringing value then you will know for
sure that people want to talk to you and
therefore get rid of your so-called
shyness so my quick thoughts on shyness
I have two the first is one maybe you
don’t need to change it if you are not a
naturally extroverted person you don’t
have to look at those people who are
massively Oxenberg and say I want to be
like them recognizing that you have
strengths you’re good at things being
introverted is not a problem it’s not
something that necessarily needs to be
fixed and to be comfortable and happy
with who you are and recognize the
strengths that you do have and and go
all in on your strengths I’m a big
believer in what you are really good at
you should go and try to accentuate and
try to be one of the best in the world
that and forget about the weaknesses
stop trying to fix the weaknesses
because you’ll let best be mediocre at
them and then you never actually get to
do the thing that you can change the
world with where instead go all-in on
what you’re really amazing at and that
can allow you to have that big impact
that you’re looking for the second part
though is if you feel like this is
something that’s holding you back or you
have some big goal that you want to
reach and you’re afraid to do it or
you’re afraid to talk to somebody you
feel like that’s really limiting you
practice really helps in small steps
really help so for me you know speaking
on stage was something that what used to
be super nervous about so talking to a
small group really helped practicing by
getting in front of the camera and just
doing some YouTube videos really helped
me and so pushing yourself to like that
one big step may seem insanely huge
break that down into a smaller step and
do that one little step that is still
scary but not super scary something you
can do and then you take another small
step in another small step in another
small step each time push you a comfort
zone just a little bit and when you look
back you’ll notice that you took that
giant leap but it wasn’t all at once it
was in steps and I found that that
really helped me as well so thank you
guys so much for watching I’d love to
know what you thought about this video I
love to know if
you are a shy person if you feel that it
holds you back what you’ve learned from
this video that maybe you’re gonna apply
to your life in your business leaving it
in the comments below really curious
hear what you have to say and finally
one thing give a quick shout out to
Michael Ashe Michael thank you so much
for purchasing the copy of my book it
means a lot to me Michael is also one of
my proofreaders or pre readers at the
start where he had the book that was
twice as long and so he gave some
amazing feedback Michael really
appreciated that for those of you who
want your chance at a future shadow in
the video make sure you pick up a copy
the book and email in your receipt so I
can keep track thank you so much for
watching have an amazing day
continue to believe or whatever your one
where it is and I’ll see you soon
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