people in general now have very poor
posture yeah very bad for the junction
is like take a look at the people that
are around you and if they’re not on the
side of what’s good for you then walk
away you don’t know enough and the Riu
can tell you don’t know enough because
your life is not what it could be and
neither is the life of the people around
you you just don’t know enough what’s up
believe in Asianet 7 my one word is
believe and I believe in you I believe
you have an amazing gift inside you that
I want to see exploded onto the world
now I started the mentor me series with
the goal to try to learn from people
who’ve done a lot more than us and
hopefully by hanging around them a
little bit longer some of their beliefs
their mindsets their attitudes a way of
seeing the world seeps into us to help
us become the best version of ourselves
so today we’re gonna learn from one of
the best jordan peterson and the twelve
rules for life in antidote for chaos
mentor me Jordan
[Music]
you
rule number one stand up straight with
your shoulders back my wife is a massage
therapist and she’s very physiologically
aware so she’s also helped me with this
sort of thing but we watch people on the
streets all the time people in general
now have very poor posture yeah very bad
for them but that’s that’s got to be
phone related – right well yeah that’s
part of it but I also think it’s
something our culture doesn’t attend to
like you kind of have to remind your
kids to stand up you know it takes a
certain amount of conscious effort but
yeah in that chapter I talked a lot
about lobsters which I’m going to I kind
of have an affinity for lobsters and
because they well the short story is
that when a lobster loses a fight
because they’re fighting all the time
for dominance let’s say in their
hierarchies
he kind of crunches down so he looks
smaller when he wins a fight he
stretches out looks bigger and so he’s
signaling to other lobsters the tally of
his victories and then say so if a
lobster has won a fight he’s more likely
to win the next fight then you would
calculate from having a tally of all his
previous defeats and victories and if he
loses a fight that he’s more likely to
lose the next fight so that’s that that
Matthieu principle at work okay so you
think well so what so what does that
have to do with anything it’s like okay
part of the kicker is well that lobster
runs on serotonin neurochemical and if
the lobster loses the serotonin levels
go down and if he wins the serotonin
levels go up and when the serotonin
levels go up he stretches out and he’s a
confident lobster and one of the
consequences of that is if a lobster
loses a battle and you give him the
equivalent of antidepressants then he
stretches out and he’ll go fight again
so antidepressants work on lobsters huh
right and you think well who cares it’s
like no no you don’t get it we diverged
from lobsters from an evolutionary
perspective 350 million years ago and
it’s the same circuit it’s absolutely
unbelievable and that shows you how deep
inside you how basic how primordial that
circuit is in you that sizing other
people up and looking at where they fit
in the hierarchy well with human society
it’s more like hierarchies of competence
then
dominants per se but and like if your
serotonin levels fall you get depressed
you crunch forward and and the whole
everything around you turns cloudy and
black and and then you’re inviting more
oppression right and so you get into
this bad loop you know and so it’s
really important to if you’re trying to
get your act together it’s really
important to stretch yourself out and
and sit up properly because it’s it’s
part of the psychophysiological loop
that can start you on the upward curve
and so it’s a really important thing to
take note of rule number two is uh treat
yourself like you’re someone that you
care about and that that’s a deeper
chapter I would say like chapter one is
kind of comical but it’s also got this
serious scientific end for example and
it’s practical like most of the rules
are chapter two is a bit of a meditation
on why see I read this I read this cite
this piece of work by Jung a long while
back and hit it was a meditation on the
injunction to treat your neighbor as as
you would like to be treated
something like that and what Jung
pointed out which I really liked was
that that wasn’t an injunction to be
nice to other people it was an
invitation to reciprocity it was
something like this is like you should
figure out how you would like to be
treated like you were taking care of
yourself not how you would like people
to respond to you it’s it’s more
important than that it’s like imagine
you had a child that you really cared
for and someone said well people will
treat this child exactly like you want
them to but you have to figure out what
that is and so then you’d have to sit
down for like a month and you think okay
well how do you want your child to be
treated you don’t want everyone just to
be nice to him you know you want people
to challenge them and you want people to
discipline them and you want people to
tell them when he is wrong it’s like you
don’t just want everyone to be nice
that’s that’s pathetic it’s pathetic
isn’t there’s no challenge in that and
so well you want to treat other people
like you would like to be treated well
then you have to figure out how would
you like to be treated and while you’d
like people to fawn all over you and
just lay everything at your feet it’s
like no that’s that’s not something
you’d wish for for someone that you were
taking care of and then then
an additional problem which is it’s
often the case that people will treat
other people better than they treat
themselves that happens extremely
frequently so one of the things I
pointed out chapter 2 is that if you
have a dog and you take him to a vet and
the vet gives you your prescription
medicine you’ll go buy the medicine and
you will give it to the dog and you will
do it properly but if you go yourself to
a doctor and you get a prescription
there’s one that there’s a 30% chance
you won’t even pick up the medication
you need to take care of yourself
because you’re in the best position to
do that and it’s necessary for you to
take care of yourself despite the fact
that we’re mortal and vulnerable and
self-conscious and capable not only
capable of doing terrible things but
actually do them despite all that you
you’re still you still have that
responsibility
what’s the chapter about hanging around
with you can’t want to see you do well
yeah yeah yeah make friends with people
who want the best for you right yeah
it’s so well then it’s a really it’s a
real technical idea so Carl Rogers who’s
a psychotherapist great psychotherapist
I’d very much recommend his books to
people especially if they want to learn
to listen because he was really good at
teaching people how to listen he had
this idea that what he would manifest
towards his clients in therapy was
unconditional positive regard and I’ve
always had trouble with that because
well because you don’t treat your
children for example with unconditional
positive for someone yes you’re saying
yeah that’s a good idea well that’s
that’s why it’s tricky well what do you
what do you he didn’t articulate it I
think as well as he might have what you
want to do is for your child is that you
want the best for the best in them
that’s what you want and that’s what you
want from people that you surround
yourself with
now they’ll hold you to our standard if
that’s the case right because whenever
you degenerate in any of the multiple
ways that you’re likely to degenerate
they’re gonna like whack you on the back
of the head and say you know clue the
hell in you know you’re you’re demeaning
yourself you’re less than you could be
and there’s real judgment in that it’s
harsh you know but with friends it’s the
same thing you want friends they’re not
friends if they’re not these people you
want friends who
when something good happens to you there
at that’s good for you right they’re
happy about that they’re not like all
bitter and resentful underground and
like saying horrible things behind your
back and telling you how they did
something that was better and trying to
drag you down it’s like that’s not
helpful and then when something bad
happens to you and you go to them and
you say look this terrible thing
happened to me first of all they don’t
try to top it with some like horrible
thing that happened to them because they
don’t have the patience to listen and
second they’re not secretly gloating
about the fact that catastrophe finally
befell you it’s like they’re actually
hurt by it and that chapters an
injunction is like take a look at the
people that are around you and if
they’re not on this side of what’s good
for you then walk away because well
first of all that’s best for them too if
you put up with that all you’re doing is
enabling it it’s like well it’s okay
that you mistreat me in a way that’s
harmful to me and everyone else it’s
like actually no that is not okay
it’s not an it’s not the least bit okay
that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to
help someone when they’re down that’s a
whole different issue
rule for compare yourself to who you
were yesterday and not to who someone
else is today because if you’re
comparing yourself to someone else I
mean first of all you don’t know very
much about the life of the person you’re
comparing yourself to you don’t know it
in it you know it across all of its
dimensions and second people are very
different and so comparing yourself to
someone else it’s it’s kind of useful I
guess when you’re young but as you get
older and more singular and more
particularly it becomes increasingly
less useful better to compare yourself
to a previous version of yourself and
work for improvement in that way chapter
5 is the one that I thought I would get
in the most trouble for writing you know
I figured people would be all over me
for this and so far they haven’t been
but they still might be so and it’s
called do not let your children do
anything that makes you dislike them and
I thought that would be contentious
first of all because people would think
well I never just like my children it’s
like
really really you know you’re gonna
really tell me that see I kind of knew
this when I had my kids I already
undergone that to some degree and and
understood what it meant to be a bad
person a terrible person and one of the
things I knew that was that that
manifested itself in families all the
time
tyrannical father overprotective mother
more rarely overprotective mother
tyrannical overprotective father
tyrannical mother it’s usually the other
way around and the terrible pathological
familial drama that Freud made much of
in the early 20th century I had seen
that in many many situations dismal
brutal awful and I’ve seen parents
punish their children and you can also
take a page from Nietzsche if you really
want to punish your children or anyone
else if you have someone you’re
interested in punishing including
yourself you don’t you know whatever
punished someone you really want to
punish for doing something wrong because
that’s actually a bit of a relief to
them you know that’s the theme of
Dostoyevsky’s crime and punishment the
murderer gets away with it it’s a relief
to him when he gets caught it’s like no
if you really want to punish someone you
wait till they do something good then
you punish them because that’ll teach
them that’s you’ve maximized the hurt
that way you decrease the probability
that they’ll ever do anything good again
and I’ll tell you man if you want to
have a good relationship with someone
that’s one thing you don’t do you open
your bloody eyes and if they do
something that you would like them to do
again then you tell them how much you
appreciated the fact that that happened
and you hope that it replicates you know
you see that that’s if there’s one thing
you can take away from tonight’s lecture
that’s that’s an extraordinarily useful
thing to know watch and when people do
something that they should do more of
say look I saw that you did this
specific thing I saw that it took some
effort here’s what it meant here’s
here’s how I observed it’s like keep
that up and man if you love someone you
do that to them that’s that’s
encouragement that’s such a great thing
rule number six set your house in
perfect order before you criticize the
world that’s a rough one now it’s about
us that’s about a mass murderer and
about mass murderers yeah so I didn’t I
didn’t get this far because as I said I
just got
well there’s plenty of things to
criticize about being it’s tragic
and there’s malevolence that’s basically
the issue and you can complain about
that but the thing is if you complain
about that if you adopt that attitude
which is sort of an anti being attitude
you go places that if you knew you were
going you probably wouldn’t want to go
it’s the places where like the kids that
shot up Columbine went those are bad
places like Yuri if you read the
writings of the Columbine high school
kids and you really read them mm-hmm if
they don’t make the hairs that stand up
in the back your neck you are not paying
attention like Keith then one kid wrote
things I cannot believe that people
could write and I’ve exposed myself to a
lot of crazy things that people have
done and said you just can’t understand
it it’s it’s it’s uncanny you know well
that’s where you end up if you’re if you
get bitter it’s like well what can you
do about that well the world is harsh
it’s like should you criticize it it’s
like not until you put yourself together
you got to bring everything you can to
bear on the problem before you have any
right to stand in judgment about being
itself and that’s what these mass
murderers do that’s what they’re doing
that’s what they’re acting out they’re
saying well I’m looking out in the world
I don’t like people they’re full of
flaws they act badly they’re a cancer on
the face of the planet
it’d be better if they didn’t exist at
all so I don’t like being it’s too full
of suffering and and an evil I’m the
judge of this it’s like I’m gonna make
my goddamn case I’m gonna take them out
and then it’s more than that it’s like
I’m gonna take them out and I’m gonna do
it with innocence first because that’s
the thing you got to get about the mass
murderer types it’s like they’re not
hunting down the guilty that’s too
obvious right you’re hunting down the
innocent that’s the best protest that’s
why the guy showed up the elementary
school in Connecticut it’s like why do
you shoot kids well think about it well
I don’t want to think about it well
that’s for sure you bloody well don’t
want to
about it but you better think about it
it’s like well that’s where you go when
you take that criticism of being
approached it’s like you don’t get to do
that not unless you want to end up there
it’s bad so what do you do instead it’s
like okay stop doing stupid things stop
lying stop making things worse
stop making yourself weak you know
everyone does that they know it you know
and I’m not saying follow the rules I’m
not saying that I’m saying even in a day
you’ll see that you have choices in
front of you and sometimes you don’t
know what to do it’s okay you’re
ignorant maybe you make a mistake
whatever
that’s just ignorance malevolence is
when you know what you shouldn’t do mm
and you do it anyways and people do that
all the time and that’s arrogance that’s
all get away with it it’s okay it’s
deceit because you’re lying to yourself
about whether you should do this or not
you know you shouldn’t write you know
and then it’s resentment because well
it’s like I’m gonna do this bad thing
because that’ll teach the people or
whatever that’ll teach God to treat me
this way it’s like that’s that’s the
that’s the terrible Trinity deceit
arrogance resentment it’s like chase
those out of your life rule seven rule
seven just about killed me like I I’ve
had a lot of bad health in the last year
and having to rewrite rule seven
coincided with one of those periods that
lasted about a month and it was was the
hardest chapter by far and it went down
the deepest by far and it was really
hard to get right it’s called do what is
meaningful not what is expedient and
I’ll just tell you a little bit about
the chapter because I figured something
out in it that and then explained it
something that took me decades to figure
out so there’s this idea it’s a it’s a
very deep Christian idea that the
Messiah is the person who takes the
world’s sins upon himself right that’s a
characteristic of Christ right it’s
something the idea is something like
Christ died for your sins like what the
hell does that mean exactly you know and
partly what it means and I would say a
slightly corrupted form of Christianity
is that you just have to believe that
that happened in the and you’re redeemed
it’s like well that’s
we’ll leave that aside for a second but
there’s an idea there a psychological
idea you know that because the idea
doesn’t go away it’s lasted for
thousands of years it’s like whoa
so the idea signifies something it has a
psychological reality independent of its
metaphysical reality whatever that might
be and so I thought about that for a
long time it’s like what in the world
does that possibly mean and then I
realized and you knew this Carl Jung
knew this that it was associated with
this idea of the shadow I had this
client once who ha her parents man they
were pieces of work she her parents
taught her I’m swear to you that this is
the truth her parents taught her that
adults were angels literally and when I
saw her she was about 30 and she had a
lot of strange symptoms symptoms of
sorts I’d never seen psychosomatic
symptoms she she she had kind of like
quasi epileptic seizures at night and no
but she stayed conscious during them it
was very difficult to understand at
night I won’t walk through it but her
parents told her that adults were angels
and and she was like 28 she had a
university degree and and I said well
did you ever wonder about that I said
didn’t you read any history and she said
yeah what I read something about the
terrible things that people did to each
other and I would just compartmentalize
it and that was actually the key that I
used to unlock what was wrong with her
which was eventually fixed and I won’t
go into that but but I said I gave her
this book give her two books I gave her
a book called the terror that comes in
the night which is a book about about
sleep paralysis and nightmares because I
thought that was what might’ve be
bothering her
turned out that wasn’t yet and I gave
her this other book called ordinary
ordinary men and it’s a great book
it’s a terrible book terrible dark book
about about this police battalion that
was moved into Poland during World War
two after the Nazis had marched through
and it was all made of middle-aged guys
who weren’t like victims of Nazi
totalitarian propaganda when they were
kids they were just you know burgeois
middle class guys kind of like all of us
let’s say
and they went to police Poland and they
were going to have to do some terrible
things essentially but the commander
told them quite forthrightly that if
being involved in wartime policing was
too hard on them if they felt that it
ever violated the more psychologically
violated that they could just go back to
policing in germany and very few of them
did be partly because they didn’t want
to abandon their comrades let’s say they
didn’t want them to have to do the dirty
work you know and they ended up they
were normal policemen they ended up the
sorts of people who could take naked
Prague wouldn’t women out into the
middle of the field and shoot them in
the back of the head that’s how the book
that’s the culmination of their training
it’s very interesting to read about
their training because they were
absolutely sickened by what they learned
to do like physically sick and vomiting
shaking traumatised but they didn’t stop
and and if you want to know why then you
can read the book and I said look read
this book but don’t bloody well
compartmentalize it enough of that it’s
like read it like you’re one of the damn
policemen which is how you should read
history right you read about Nazi
Germany and you think well I’m Oscar
Schindler I’d save the Jews it’s like no
you wouldn’t right you wouldn’t because
people didn’t and the probability is
very high that you wouldn’t and all you
have to do is think it through you know
what and Frank it’s like you’re really
gonna put your family at risk to hide a
group of another family in your attic
for like multiple years while there’s
Nazis parading the street and where if
you get exposed you all die you’re gonna
do that are you it’s like very unlikely
and and no wonder it’s not surprising
that it’s unlikely but you don’t want to
be inflating yourself with self you know
with with fictional heroism without
actually knowing the facts on the ground
so I told her to read read it and to
understand that the policemen were her
and that’s the thing to understand rule
8 tell the truth or at least don’t lie
yeah well it’s not that easy to tell the
truth because who knows about the truth
but you can learn not to say things that
you know to be false and if you stop
saying things that you know to be false
and
life will improve the lot simplifies it
and it puts you in the linemen with
reality and you should be an alignment
with reality because there’s a lot more
of it than there is of you chapter 9 is
assume that the person you are listening
to might know something you don’t this
is a chapter about conversation and
about the different forms conversation
takes and so chapter about humility and
it’s the chapter about listening and
humility element is it took me a long
time to understand why there’s religious
injunctions supporting humility but to
even understand what the word really
meant and that sort of technical sense
and it means something like this it
means what you don’t know is more
important than what you know and that’s
a lovely thing too then then what you
don’t know can start to be your friend
you see people are very defensive about
what they know and for the reasons we’ve
already discussed but the thing is you
don’t know enough and the Riu can tell
you don’t know enough because your life
is not what it could be and neither is
the life of the people around you you
just don’t know enough and so what that
means is that every time you encounter
some evidence that you’re ignorant
someone points it out you should be
happy about that because you think oh
you just told me how I’m wrong it’s like
great like maybe I had to sift through a
lot of nonsense to get through the real
message that you’re telling me but if
you could actually tell me some way that
I’m wrong and then maybe give me a hint
about how to not be wrong like that well
then I wouldn’t have to be wrong like
that any more that that would be a good
thing and and you can you can you can
embark on that adventure by listening to
people and if you listen to people they
will tell you they’ll tell you amazing
things if you listen to them and many of
those things are little tools that you
can put in your toolkit like Batman and
then you can go out into the world and
use those tools and you don’t have to
fall blindly into a pit quite as often
and so the humility element is well do
you want to be right or do you want to
be learning and then it’s deeper than
that it’s do you want to be that the
tyrannical king who’s already got
everything figured out or do you want to
be the continually transforming hero or
fool for that matter who’s getting
better all the time and that’s actually
a choice you know
it’s a deep choice and it’s better to be
the self-transforming fool who’s humble
enough to make friends with what he or
she doesn’t know and to listen when
people talk and listening is a
transformative exercise like if if you
listen to the people in your life for
example if you actually listen to them
they’ll tell you what’s wrong with them
and how to fix it and what they want
they can’t even help it if you start
listening because people are so shocked
if you actually listen to them that they
tell you also those sorts of things that
they might not have even intended to
things they don’t even know and then you
can you can work with that I like this
one and I think I mean this is very
clearly what you do be precise in your
speech so in in Genesis one of the
things God has Adam do first so God
makes the world by speaking okay so
that’s the first thing to think about
you’re supposed to think like in a
sophisticated way about this the idea is
that there’s some integral relationship
between communication and the structure
of being it’s part of the role that
consciousness plays in the world
whatever that role is language takes the
chaos and makes it into things and so
God has Adam named all the animals
they’re not even really real until they
have names now those are more implicit
that’s another you know here’s a here’s
an example let’s say that you’re having
a rough patch in your relationship and
you don’t know why it’s unnameable is it
real well yeah it’s manifesting itself
in there like a physiological discomfort
then you talk about it you name it it’s
like it goes from this blurry thing
that’s kind of potential it goes snap
and then it’s this thing right and then
that’s a horrible thing it’s like a
little poisonous thing but it’s not a
whole foggy cloud of potential poison
it’s like this little sharp poison thing
and then you think okay it’s real it’s a
little monster but it’s not it’s little
at least and now probably we can do
something about it if we can admit to it
so it’s this precision that specifies
and like so
a little bit of the Voldemort effect
right if you since you’re a Harry Potter
guy they wouldn’t name right this is a
problem we got a name them first oh yeah
you got a name them first absolutely
because the unnameable is far more
terrifying than the nameable you see
that in there was a great Blair Witch
Project terrifying move oh it’s good
yeah it’s unnamed there’s nothing
terrible happens in that movie it’s all
the unnameable it’s like what’s goin on
what’s goin on what’s goin on and no
matter how terrible the actuality is
it’s rarely as terrible as your
imagination because your imagination
like it’s an old thing it’s seen a lot
of terrible things in the history of
life like it can put monsters everywhere
and so it’s almost always better it
might be better without exception to
name the thing no matter how terrible it
is and if you can’t name it what that
means is that you’re you’re telling
yourself that you’re so terrified that
you can’t bring your attention to bear
on it and that makes you you’re the
loser
instantly if it’s so terrifying that you
cannot face it it’s one rule number 11
do not bother children when they are
skateboarding that’s a very specific one
there yeah yeah it is well that’s it
that’s an essay about masculinity mostly
you know I used to watch kids skateboard
on st. George Street which is kind of
cool because obviously st. George is the
dragon’s lair that’s the street I work
on which i think is quite funny and
anyways these kids used to you know
there are teenagers young teenagers we
have these long bar hand railings going
down some shallow stairs but a fairly
good flight of them and they would
boardslide down these rails it’s crazy
it’s this concrete that’s pebbled it’s
like you don’t want to land on that
you’ve probably heard a lot of bones
crunching over them it’s like you know
but and they didn’t have much protective
gear on and you know and eventually this
university put up things to stop them
you know from doing this which I
complain about in this chapter for a
bunch of reasons but like I liked
watching those kids I like watching
skateboarders do those crazy things
because they’re trying to become
competent like in there they’re facing
danger they don’t want the damn
protective gear like sometimes it’s just
stupidity it’s like wear a damn helmet
you know but sometimes it’s not it’s
like no I don’t want to wear a helmet
I want to expose myself to this danger
it’s not that I’m stupid maybe it is you
know I’m just being careless right but
maybe it’s not it’s like no I I’m facing
the danger I’m trying to master it and
if you watch kids board slide down like
handrails if you don’t think that that’s
courageous then you’re and may be stupid
those two things aren’t so easy to
distinguish yeah but it’s brave and when
they do it it’s like amazing it’s it’s
impossible to do that you jump in the
air you grab your skateboard you balance
on this stupid rail you slide for 20
feet and then you know the price for
failure is well you do the splits on the
rail that’s not fun you know or you land
headfirst oh that’s change your
masculine masculinity like yeah yeah and
so like and the kids are often shooed
away it’s like wait a sec they’re there
practicing being courageous they’re
practicing mastering something in the
face of danger you know and a lot of the
rebellious behavior of young men in
particular which is very frowned upon in
the schools it’s like that’s toxic
masculinity you know that horrid horrid
phrase it’s like leave those damn kids
alone rule 12 pet a cat when you
encounter one on the street yeah well
that’s about trying to orient yourself
towards life so that even when you’re in
the middle of a crisis or a tragedy you
can find bits and pieces of experience
that are positive and sustaining so that
you can stay positively oriented towards
your own existence and towards existence
itself
now I’ve got a special Jordyn Peterson
bonus clip for you guys but before that
the question of the day is I want to
know which of the twelve rules resonates
the most with you is your personal
favorite is what you’re gonna start
applying to your life I’d love to hear
from you leave it down the comments
below thank you guys so much for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much love I’ll
see you soon and enjoy the bonus clip
twelve rules for life is about how to
live properly in the face of
vulnerability tragedy and malevolence
one of the propositions in 12 rules for
life is that life existence is usefully
characterized as an interplay of order
and chaos were unknown and known you are
always striving to balance those two if
if what you what you’re doing is too
familiar you’re bored and if what you’re
doing is too unfamiliar then you’re
anxious and what you want to do is find
the harmonious line between those two
and that’s signified by meaning if you
can get those two things right then you
can have your cake and eat it too I hope
people can take away the idea that there
is a mode of being in the face of the
vulnerability and tragedy of life that
is noble and powerful and capable of
sustaining them through the worst
possible times without becoming corrupt
and bitter raise your standard Apple at
the core its core value is that that
people need passion and not one drop of
most self-worth depends on your it’s
suppose to mean I don’t ever give up I’d
have to be
dead or completely incapacitated hey
believe nation if you want to see my
all-time favorite top ten roaster
success I have a very special secret
video for you these are the individual
clips that I have personally learned the
most from and applied to my life and my
business check the link in description
for details
posture yeah very bad for the junction
is like take a look at the people that
are around you and if they’re not on the
side of what’s good for you then walk
away you don’t know enough and the Riu
can tell you don’t know enough because
your life is not what it could be and
neither is the life of the people around
you you just don’t know enough what’s up
believe in Asianet 7 my one word is
believe and I believe in you I believe
you have an amazing gift inside you that
I want to see exploded onto the world
now I started the mentor me series with
the goal to try to learn from people
who’ve done a lot more than us and
hopefully by hanging around them a
little bit longer some of their beliefs
their mindsets their attitudes a way of
seeing the world seeps into us to help
us become the best version of ourselves
so today we’re gonna learn from one of
the best jordan peterson and the twelve
rules for life in antidote for chaos
mentor me Jordan
[Music]
you
rule number one stand up straight with
your shoulders back my wife is a massage
therapist and she’s very physiologically
aware so she’s also helped me with this
sort of thing but we watch people on the
streets all the time people in general
now have very poor posture yeah very bad
for them but that’s that’s got to be
phone related – right well yeah that’s
part of it but I also think it’s
something our culture doesn’t attend to
like you kind of have to remind your
kids to stand up you know it takes a
certain amount of conscious effort but
yeah in that chapter I talked a lot
about lobsters which I’m going to I kind
of have an affinity for lobsters and
because they well the short story is
that when a lobster loses a fight
because they’re fighting all the time
for dominance let’s say in their
hierarchies
he kind of crunches down so he looks
smaller when he wins a fight he
stretches out looks bigger and so he’s
signaling to other lobsters the tally of
his victories and then say so if a
lobster has won a fight he’s more likely
to win the next fight then you would
calculate from having a tally of all his
previous defeats and victories and if he
loses a fight that he’s more likely to
lose the next fight so that’s that that
Matthieu principle at work okay so you
think well so what so what does that
have to do with anything it’s like okay
part of the kicker is well that lobster
runs on serotonin neurochemical and if
the lobster loses the serotonin levels
go down and if he wins the serotonin
levels go up and when the serotonin
levels go up he stretches out and he’s a
confident lobster and one of the
consequences of that is if a lobster
loses a battle and you give him the
equivalent of antidepressants then he
stretches out and he’ll go fight again
so antidepressants work on lobsters huh
right and you think well who cares it’s
like no no you don’t get it we diverged
from lobsters from an evolutionary
perspective 350 million years ago and
it’s the same circuit it’s absolutely
unbelievable and that shows you how deep
inside you how basic how primordial that
circuit is in you that sizing other
people up and looking at where they fit
in the hierarchy well with human society
it’s more like hierarchies of competence
then
dominants per se but and like if your
serotonin levels fall you get depressed
you crunch forward and and the whole
everything around you turns cloudy and
black and and then you’re inviting more
oppression right and so you get into
this bad loop you know and so it’s
really important to if you’re trying to
get your act together it’s really
important to stretch yourself out and
and sit up properly because it’s it’s
part of the psychophysiological loop
that can start you on the upward curve
and so it’s a really important thing to
take note of rule number two is uh treat
yourself like you’re someone that you
care about and that that’s a deeper
chapter I would say like chapter one is
kind of comical but it’s also got this
serious scientific end for example and
it’s practical like most of the rules
are chapter two is a bit of a meditation
on why see I read this I read this cite
this piece of work by Jung a long while
back and hit it was a meditation on the
injunction to treat your neighbor as as
you would like to be treated
something like that and what Jung
pointed out which I really liked was
that that wasn’t an injunction to be
nice to other people it was an
invitation to reciprocity it was
something like this is like you should
figure out how you would like to be
treated like you were taking care of
yourself not how you would like people
to respond to you it’s it’s more
important than that it’s like imagine
you had a child that you really cared
for and someone said well people will
treat this child exactly like you want
them to but you have to figure out what
that is and so then you’d have to sit
down for like a month and you think okay
well how do you want your child to be
treated you don’t want everyone just to
be nice to him you know you want people
to challenge them and you want people to
discipline them and you want people to
tell them when he is wrong it’s like you
don’t just want everyone to be nice
that’s that’s pathetic it’s pathetic
isn’t there’s no challenge in that and
so well you want to treat other people
like you would like to be treated well
then you have to figure out how would
you like to be treated and while you’d
like people to fawn all over you and
just lay everything at your feet it’s
like no that’s that’s not something
you’d wish for for someone that you were
taking care of and then then
an additional problem which is it’s
often the case that people will treat
other people better than they treat
themselves that happens extremely
frequently so one of the things I
pointed out chapter 2 is that if you
have a dog and you take him to a vet and
the vet gives you your prescription
medicine you’ll go buy the medicine and
you will give it to the dog and you will
do it properly but if you go yourself to
a doctor and you get a prescription
there’s one that there’s a 30% chance
you won’t even pick up the medication
you need to take care of yourself
because you’re in the best position to
do that and it’s necessary for you to
take care of yourself despite the fact
that we’re mortal and vulnerable and
self-conscious and capable not only
capable of doing terrible things but
actually do them despite all that you
you’re still you still have that
responsibility
what’s the chapter about hanging around
with you can’t want to see you do well
yeah yeah yeah make friends with people
who want the best for you right yeah
it’s so well then it’s a really it’s a
real technical idea so Carl Rogers who’s
a psychotherapist great psychotherapist
I’d very much recommend his books to
people especially if they want to learn
to listen because he was really good at
teaching people how to listen he had
this idea that what he would manifest
towards his clients in therapy was
unconditional positive regard and I’ve
always had trouble with that because
well because you don’t treat your
children for example with unconditional
positive for someone yes you’re saying
yeah that’s a good idea well that’s
that’s why it’s tricky well what do you
what do you he didn’t articulate it I
think as well as he might have what you
want to do is for your child is that you
want the best for the best in them
that’s what you want and that’s what you
want from people that you surround
yourself with
now they’ll hold you to our standard if
that’s the case right because whenever
you degenerate in any of the multiple
ways that you’re likely to degenerate
they’re gonna like whack you on the back
of the head and say you know clue the
hell in you know you’re you’re demeaning
yourself you’re less than you could be
and there’s real judgment in that it’s
harsh you know but with friends it’s the
same thing you want friends they’re not
friends if they’re not these people you
want friends who
when something good happens to you there
at that’s good for you right they’re
happy about that they’re not like all
bitter and resentful underground and
like saying horrible things behind your
back and telling you how they did
something that was better and trying to
drag you down it’s like that’s not
helpful and then when something bad
happens to you and you go to them and
you say look this terrible thing
happened to me first of all they don’t
try to top it with some like horrible
thing that happened to them because they
don’t have the patience to listen and
second they’re not secretly gloating
about the fact that catastrophe finally
befell you it’s like they’re actually
hurt by it and that chapters an
injunction is like take a look at the
people that are around you and if
they’re not on this side of what’s good
for you then walk away because well
first of all that’s best for them too if
you put up with that all you’re doing is
enabling it it’s like well it’s okay
that you mistreat me in a way that’s
harmful to me and everyone else it’s
like actually no that is not okay
it’s not an it’s not the least bit okay
that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to
help someone when they’re down that’s a
whole different issue
rule for compare yourself to who you
were yesterday and not to who someone
else is today because if you’re
comparing yourself to someone else I
mean first of all you don’t know very
much about the life of the person you’re
comparing yourself to you don’t know it
in it you know it across all of its
dimensions and second people are very
different and so comparing yourself to
someone else it’s it’s kind of useful I
guess when you’re young but as you get
older and more singular and more
particularly it becomes increasingly
less useful better to compare yourself
to a previous version of yourself and
work for improvement in that way chapter
5 is the one that I thought I would get
in the most trouble for writing you know
I figured people would be all over me
for this and so far they haven’t been
but they still might be so and it’s
called do not let your children do
anything that makes you dislike them and
I thought that would be contentious
first of all because people would think
well I never just like my children it’s
like
really really you know you’re gonna
really tell me that see I kind of knew
this when I had my kids I already
undergone that to some degree and and
understood what it meant to be a bad
person a terrible person and one of the
things I knew that was that that
manifested itself in families all the
time
tyrannical father overprotective mother
more rarely overprotective mother
tyrannical overprotective father
tyrannical mother it’s usually the other
way around and the terrible pathological
familial drama that Freud made much of
in the early 20th century I had seen
that in many many situations dismal
brutal awful and I’ve seen parents
punish their children and you can also
take a page from Nietzsche if you really
want to punish your children or anyone
else if you have someone you’re
interested in punishing including
yourself you don’t you know whatever
punished someone you really want to
punish for doing something wrong because
that’s actually a bit of a relief to
them you know that’s the theme of
Dostoyevsky’s crime and punishment the
murderer gets away with it it’s a relief
to him when he gets caught it’s like no
if you really want to punish someone you
wait till they do something good then
you punish them because that’ll teach
them that’s you’ve maximized the hurt
that way you decrease the probability
that they’ll ever do anything good again
and I’ll tell you man if you want to
have a good relationship with someone
that’s one thing you don’t do you open
your bloody eyes and if they do
something that you would like them to do
again then you tell them how much you
appreciated the fact that that happened
and you hope that it replicates you know
you see that that’s if there’s one thing
you can take away from tonight’s lecture
that’s that’s an extraordinarily useful
thing to know watch and when people do
something that they should do more of
say look I saw that you did this
specific thing I saw that it took some
effort here’s what it meant here’s
here’s how I observed it’s like keep
that up and man if you love someone you
do that to them that’s that’s
encouragement that’s such a great thing
rule number six set your house in
perfect order before you criticize the
world that’s a rough one now it’s about
us that’s about a mass murderer and
about mass murderers yeah so I didn’t I
didn’t get this far because as I said I
just got
well there’s plenty of things to
criticize about being it’s tragic
and there’s malevolence that’s basically
the issue and you can complain about
that but the thing is if you complain
about that if you adopt that attitude
which is sort of an anti being attitude
you go places that if you knew you were
going you probably wouldn’t want to go
it’s the places where like the kids that
shot up Columbine went those are bad
places like Yuri if you read the
writings of the Columbine high school
kids and you really read them mm-hmm if
they don’t make the hairs that stand up
in the back your neck you are not paying
attention like Keith then one kid wrote
things I cannot believe that people
could write and I’ve exposed myself to a
lot of crazy things that people have
done and said you just can’t understand
it it’s it’s it’s uncanny you know well
that’s where you end up if you’re if you
get bitter it’s like well what can you
do about that well the world is harsh
it’s like should you criticize it it’s
like not until you put yourself together
you got to bring everything you can to
bear on the problem before you have any
right to stand in judgment about being
itself and that’s what these mass
murderers do that’s what they’re doing
that’s what they’re acting out they’re
saying well I’m looking out in the world
I don’t like people they’re full of
flaws they act badly they’re a cancer on
the face of the planet
it’d be better if they didn’t exist at
all so I don’t like being it’s too full
of suffering and and an evil I’m the
judge of this it’s like I’m gonna make
my goddamn case I’m gonna take them out
and then it’s more than that it’s like
I’m gonna take them out and I’m gonna do
it with innocence first because that’s
the thing you got to get about the mass
murderer types it’s like they’re not
hunting down the guilty that’s too
obvious right you’re hunting down the
innocent that’s the best protest that’s
why the guy showed up the elementary
school in Connecticut it’s like why do
you shoot kids well think about it well
I don’t want to think about it well
that’s for sure you bloody well don’t
want to
about it but you better think about it
it’s like well that’s where you go when
you take that criticism of being
approached it’s like you don’t get to do
that not unless you want to end up there
it’s bad so what do you do instead it’s
like okay stop doing stupid things stop
lying stop making things worse
stop making yourself weak you know
everyone does that they know it you know
and I’m not saying follow the rules I’m
not saying that I’m saying even in a day
you’ll see that you have choices in
front of you and sometimes you don’t
know what to do it’s okay you’re
ignorant maybe you make a mistake
whatever
that’s just ignorance malevolence is
when you know what you shouldn’t do mm
and you do it anyways and people do that
all the time and that’s arrogance that’s
all get away with it it’s okay it’s
deceit because you’re lying to yourself
about whether you should do this or not
you know you shouldn’t write you know
and then it’s resentment because well
it’s like I’m gonna do this bad thing
because that’ll teach the people or
whatever that’ll teach God to treat me
this way it’s like that’s that’s the
that’s the terrible Trinity deceit
arrogance resentment it’s like chase
those out of your life rule seven rule
seven just about killed me like I I’ve
had a lot of bad health in the last year
and having to rewrite rule seven
coincided with one of those periods that
lasted about a month and it was was the
hardest chapter by far and it went down
the deepest by far and it was really
hard to get right it’s called do what is
meaningful not what is expedient and
I’ll just tell you a little bit about
the chapter because I figured something
out in it that and then explained it
something that took me decades to figure
out so there’s this idea it’s a it’s a
very deep Christian idea that the
Messiah is the person who takes the
world’s sins upon himself right that’s a
characteristic of Christ right it’s
something the idea is something like
Christ died for your sins like what the
hell does that mean exactly you know and
partly what it means and I would say a
slightly corrupted form of Christianity
is that you just have to believe that
that happened in the and you’re redeemed
it’s like well that’s
we’ll leave that aside for a second but
there’s an idea there a psychological
idea you know that because the idea
doesn’t go away it’s lasted for
thousands of years it’s like whoa
so the idea signifies something it has a
psychological reality independent of its
metaphysical reality whatever that might
be and so I thought about that for a
long time it’s like what in the world
does that possibly mean and then I
realized and you knew this Carl Jung
knew this that it was associated with
this idea of the shadow I had this
client once who ha her parents man they
were pieces of work she her parents
taught her I’m swear to you that this is
the truth her parents taught her that
adults were angels literally and when I
saw her she was about 30 and she had a
lot of strange symptoms symptoms of
sorts I’d never seen psychosomatic
symptoms she she she had kind of like
quasi epileptic seizures at night and no
but she stayed conscious during them it
was very difficult to understand at
night I won’t walk through it but her
parents told her that adults were angels
and and she was like 28 she had a
university degree and and I said well
did you ever wonder about that I said
didn’t you read any history and she said
yeah what I read something about the
terrible things that people did to each
other and I would just compartmentalize
it and that was actually the key that I
used to unlock what was wrong with her
which was eventually fixed and I won’t
go into that but but I said I gave her
this book give her two books I gave her
a book called the terror that comes in
the night which is a book about about
sleep paralysis and nightmares because I
thought that was what might’ve be
bothering her
turned out that wasn’t yet and I gave
her this other book called ordinary
ordinary men and it’s a great book
it’s a terrible book terrible dark book
about about this police battalion that
was moved into Poland during World War
two after the Nazis had marched through
and it was all made of middle-aged guys
who weren’t like victims of Nazi
totalitarian propaganda when they were
kids they were just you know burgeois
middle class guys kind of like all of us
let’s say
and they went to police Poland and they
were going to have to do some terrible
things essentially but the commander
told them quite forthrightly that if
being involved in wartime policing was
too hard on them if they felt that it
ever violated the more psychologically
violated that they could just go back to
policing in germany and very few of them
did be partly because they didn’t want
to abandon their comrades let’s say they
didn’t want them to have to do the dirty
work you know and they ended up they
were normal policemen they ended up the
sorts of people who could take naked
Prague wouldn’t women out into the
middle of the field and shoot them in
the back of the head that’s how the book
that’s the culmination of their training
it’s very interesting to read about
their training because they were
absolutely sickened by what they learned
to do like physically sick and vomiting
shaking traumatised but they didn’t stop
and and if you want to know why then you
can read the book and I said look read
this book but don’t bloody well
compartmentalize it enough of that it’s
like read it like you’re one of the damn
policemen which is how you should read
history right you read about Nazi
Germany and you think well I’m Oscar
Schindler I’d save the Jews it’s like no
you wouldn’t right you wouldn’t because
people didn’t and the probability is
very high that you wouldn’t and all you
have to do is think it through you know
what and Frank it’s like you’re really
gonna put your family at risk to hide a
group of another family in your attic
for like multiple years while there’s
Nazis parading the street and where if
you get exposed you all die you’re gonna
do that are you it’s like very unlikely
and and no wonder it’s not surprising
that it’s unlikely but you don’t want to
be inflating yourself with self you know
with with fictional heroism without
actually knowing the facts on the ground
so I told her to read read it and to
understand that the policemen were her
and that’s the thing to understand rule
8 tell the truth or at least don’t lie
yeah well it’s not that easy to tell the
truth because who knows about the truth
but you can learn not to say things that
you know to be false and if you stop
saying things that you know to be false
and
life will improve the lot simplifies it
and it puts you in the linemen with
reality and you should be an alignment
with reality because there’s a lot more
of it than there is of you chapter 9 is
assume that the person you are listening
to might know something you don’t this
is a chapter about conversation and
about the different forms conversation
takes and so chapter about humility and
it’s the chapter about listening and
humility element is it took me a long
time to understand why there’s religious
injunctions supporting humility but to
even understand what the word really
meant and that sort of technical sense
and it means something like this it
means what you don’t know is more
important than what you know and that’s
a lovely thing too then then what you
don’t know can start to be your friend
you see people are very defensive about
what they know and for the reasons we’ve
already discussed but the thing is you
don’t know enough and the Riu can tell
you don’t know enough because your life
is not what it could be and neither is
the life of the people around you you
just don’t know enough and so what that
means is that every time you encounter
some evidence that you’re ignorant
someone points it out you should be
happy about that because you think oh
you just told me how I’m wrong it’s like
great like maybe I had to sift through a
lot of nonsense to get through the real
message that you’re telling me but if
you could actually tell me some way that
I’m wrong and then maybe give me a hint
about how to not be wrong like that well
then I wouldn’t have to be wrong like
that any more that that would be a good
thing and and you can you can you can
embark on that adventure by listening to
people and if you listen to people they
will tell you they’ll tell you amazing
things if you listen to them and many of
those things are little tools that you
can put in your toolkit like Batman and
then you can go out into the world and
use those tools and you don’t have to
fall blindly into a pit quite as often
and so the humility element is well do
you want to be right or do you want to
be learning and then it’s deeper than
that it’s do you want to be that the
tyrannical king who’s already got
everything figured out or do you want to
be the continually transforming hero or
fool for that matter who’s getting
better all the time and that’s actually
a choice you know
it’s a deep choice and it’s better to be
the self-transforming fool who’s humble
enough to make friends with what he or
she doesn’t know and to listen when
people talk and listening is a
transformative exercise like if if you
listen to the people in your life for
example if you actually listen to them
they’ll tell you what’s wrong with them
and how to fix it and what they want
they can’t even help it if you start
listening because people are so shocked
if you actually listen to them that they
tell you also those sorts of things that
they might not have even intended to
things they don’t even know and then you
can you can work with that I like this
one and I think I mean this is very
clearly what you do be precise in your
speech so in in Genesis one of the
things God has Adam do first so God
makes the world by speaking okay so
that’s the first thing to think about
you’re supposed to think like in a
sophisticated way about this the idea is
that there’s some integral relationship
between communication and the structure
of being it’s part of the role that
consciousness plays in the world
whatever that role is language takes the
chaos and makes it into things and so
God has Adam named all the animals
they’re not even really real until they
have names now those are more implicit
that’s another you know here’s a here’s
an example let’s say that you’re having
a rough patch in your relationship and
you don’t know why it’s unnameable is it
real well yeah it’s manifesting itself
in there like a physiological discomfort
then you talk about it you name it it’s
like it goes from this blurry thing
that’s kind of potential it goes snap
and then it’s this thing right and then
that’s a horrible thing it’s like a
little poisonous thing but it’s not a
whole foggy cloud of potential poison
it’s like this little sharp poison thing
and then you think okay it’s real it’s a
little monster but it’s not it’s little
at least and now probably we can do
something about it if we can admit to it
so it’s this precision that specifies
and like so
a little bit of the Voldemort effect
right if you since you’re a Harry Potter
guy they wouldn’t name right this is a
problem we got a name them first oh yeah
you got a name them first absolutely
because the unnameable is far more
terrifying than the nameable you see
that in there was a great Blair Witch
Project terrifying move oh it’s good
yeah it’s unnamed there’s nothing
terrible happens in that movie it’s all
the unnameable it’s like what’s goin on
what’s goin on what’s goin on and no
matter how terrible the actuality is
it’s rarely as terrible as your
imagination because your imagination
like it’s an old thing it’s seen a lot
of terrible things in the history of
life like it can put monsters everywhere
and so it’s almost always better it
might be better without exception to
name the thing no matter how terrible it
is and if you can’t name it what that
means is that you’re you’re telling
yourself that you’re so terrified that
you can’t bring your attention to bear
on it and that makes you you’re the
loser
instantly if it’s so terrifying that you
cannot face it it’s one rule number 11
do not bother children when they are
skateboarding that’s a very specific one
there yeah yeah it is well that’s it
that’s an essay about masculinity mostly
you know I used to watch kids skateboard
on st. George Street which is kind of
cool because obviously st. George is the
dragon’s lair that’s the street I work
on which i think is quite funny and
anyways these kids used to you know
there are teenagers young teenagers we
have these long bar hand railings going
down some shallow stairs but a fairly
good flight of them and they would
boardslide down these rails it’s crazy
it’s this concrete that’s pebbled it’s
like you don’t want to land on that
you’ve probably heard a lot of bones
crunching over them it’s like you know
but and they didn’t have much protective
gear on and you know and eventually this
university put up things to stop them
you know from doing this which I
complain about in this chapter for a
bunch of reasons but like I liked
watching those kids I like watching
skateboarders do those crazy things
because they’re trying to become
competent like in there they’re facing
danger they don’t want the damn
protective gear like sometimes it’s just
stupidity it’s like wear a damn helmet
you know but sometimes it’s not it’s
like no I don’t want to wear a helmet
I want to expose myself to this danger
it’s not that I’m stupid maybe it is you
know I’m just being careless right but
maybe it’s not it’s like no I I’m facing
the danger I’m trying to master it and
if you watch kids board slide down like
handrails if you don’t think that that’s
courageous then you’re and may be stupid
those two things aren’t so easy to
distinguish yeah but it’s brave and when
they do it it’s like amazing it’s it’s
impossible to do that you jump in the
air you grab your skateboard you balance
on this stupid rail you slide for 20
feet and then you know the price for
failure is well you do the splits on the
rail that’s not fun you know or you land
headfirst oh that’s change your
masculine masculinity like yeah yeah and
so like and the kids are often shooed
away it’s like wait a sec they’re there
practicing being courageous they’re
practicing mastering something in the
face of danger you know and a lot of the
rebellious behavior of young men in
particular which is very frowned upon in
the schools it’s like that’s toxic
masculinity you know that horrid horrid
phrase it’s like leave those damn kids
alone rule 12 pet a cat when you
encounter one on the street yeah well
that’s about trying to orient yourself
towards life so that even when you’re in
the middle of a crisis or a tragedy you
can find bits and pieces of experience
that are positive and sustaining so that
you can stay positively oriented towards
your own existence and towards existence
itself
now I’ve got a special Jordyn Peterson
bonus clip for you guys but before that
the question of the day is I want to
know which of the twelve rules resonates
the most with you is your personal
favorite is what you’re gonna start
applying to your life I’d love to hear
from you leave it down the comments
below thank you guys so much for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much love I’ll
see you soon and enjoy the bonus clip
twelve rules for life is about how to
live properly in the face of
vulnerability tragedy and malevolence
one of the propositions in 12 rules for
life is that life existence is usefully
characterized as an interplay of order
and chaos were unknown and known you are
always striving to balance those two if
if what you what you’re doing is too
familiar you’re bored and if what you’re
doing is too unfamiliar then you’re
anxious and what you want to do is find
the harmonious line between those two
and that’s signified by meaning if you
can get those two things right then you
can have your cake and eat it too I hope
people can take away the idea that there
is a mode of being in the face of the
vulnerability and tragedy of life that
is noble and powerful and capable of
sustaining them through the worst
possible times without becoming corrupt
and bitter raise your standard Apple at
the core its core value is that that
people need passion and not one drop of
most self-worth depends on your it’s
suppose to mean I don’t ever give up I’d
have to be
dead or completely incapacitated hey
believe nation if you want to see my
all-time favorite top ten roaster
success I have a very special secret
video for you these are the individual
clips that I have personally learned the
most from and applied to my life and my
business check the link in description
for details
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