so I get a question at every single talk
that I give and every single meeting
that I have invariably someone will ask
me the Millenial question apparently and
most of you in here I think were born
after the year 1984 right which makes
you Millennials 94 ish 84 ish I mean
apparently your generation is unbeatable
apparently you confound leaders and I
travel around talking about this thing
called leadership and apparently you’re
the one they have no idea what to do
with which i think is funny and so in
what they’ve started to do then is ask
you what you want and you reply back
free food and bean bags open plan and so
they do that and yet nothing changes and
so instead of trying to figure it out
try and understand you guys they accuse
you of being entitled they accuse you
being narcissistic sometimes accuse you
being lazy I’ve heard that one and I
think that they are completely wrong
I think what they haven’t spent the time
to do is to practice empathy which
ironically is the first criteria of
being a good leader which is you have to
be good at empathy and so when I get
asked this question all the time it only
makes sense that I should empathize and
try and have an answer right so here’s
what I tell everybody I’ve broken it
down into sort of four observations
parenting technology impatience and
environment many of this young
generation of this millennial generation
were subject to what has been described
as a failed parenting strategy some of
you and many of your friends were raised
being told that you were special and you
were told that you can have whatever you
want just because you want it
many schools gave performances
oh no terrific participation ribbons so
in other words kids got medals for
coming in last and the science on this
is good we know what it does is it
devalues the feeling in the medal for
the person who actually works hard to
come in first and it embarrasses the
person who comes in last because they
know they don’t deserve it and it makes
them feel worse some kids got into
honors classes not because they deserved
it but because their parents complained
and some kids got a is not because they
earned them but because the teachers
didn’t want to deal with the parents and
then you graduate and you get a job and
in an instant your entire self view is
shattered because many kids find out
that they’re not special they find out
that they can’t have whatever they want
just because they want it there’s
nothing when you come in last
you get no medal for coming in last and
your parents cannot help you get a
promotion and so what the result is is
an entire generation where there’s a
disproportionately high number of P
growing up with lower self-confidence
than previous generations because this
entire self-image is completely
shattered instantaneously and so much so
that I actually hear stories of people’s
parents filling out their job
applications for them and other things
right it’s that bad right then you
combine it with the second observation
which is technology we know that and we
engage with social media or our cell
phones a chemical in our body called
dopamine is released right it’s what
makes us feel good right dopamine is the
same chemical that is released in our
bodies when we find something we’re
looking for like your keys when you go
on Google when you hit the goal or win
the game that yes this sense of joy or
in sort of that that’s dopamine well we
know that we get a hit of dopamine when
we engage with social media when our
phones go buzz Bing flash or beep that’s
why if you’re feeling a little bit down
you pull out your phone and you send 10
texts to 10 friends you know hi hi hi hi
hi and you hope that somebody texts you
back because when you they do it feels
good right there are other things that
release dopamine alcohol nicotine
gambling all release dopamine it’s why
they feel good and almost all addictions
are dopamine based addictions we also
know that almost all alcoholics
discovered alcohol when they were
teenagers
you see when we’re very very young the
only approval we need is the approval of
our parents then when we go through
adolescence we make this transition
where we now need the approval of our
peers very frustrating for our parents
very important for us it allows us to
acculturate outside of our immediate
families into the broader tribe it is a
time of high stress and high anxiety and
we’re supposed to learn to rely on our
friends some people quite by accident
discover alcohol and the numbing effects
of dopamine and unfortunately that
connection becomes hardwired and then
for the rest of their lives every time
they face significant stress they
don’t turn to a person they turned to
the bottle right now as I said before we
know that social media and cell phones
release dopamine now we have age
restrictions on alcohol with age
restrictions on tobacco and we have age
restrictions on gambling but we have no
age restrictions on social media and
cell phones it’s as if an entire
generation who are going through
adolescence their parents have thrown
open the liquor cabinet and said try the
vodka to help you get through the
teenage years that’s what social media
and cell phones do so unfortunately for
too many people that connection is
becoming hardwired
and as they grow up when they face
significant stress in their lives
instead of learning to turn to a person
they turn to a device right where we
seek solace in social media where we’ll
check an Instagram post how many likes
we’re getting check we’ll check and
we’ll check a check and we’ll check and
we’ll check and sometimes our own
self-worth comes from how many followers
we have it can become devastating to us
when somebody unfollow this right the
only way that we we sweet we stand away
from stress when we face it in other
words an entire generation is growing up
having not practiced or learned coping
mechanisms for stress this is very very
serious for social animals that need
each other where we haven’t learned
those skills it’s and it’s even worse
because if you want to go on a date you
don’t have to learn to be like hey you
just swipe right you just got a date you
can have 4 dates in an evening right and
if you don’t like the person you don’t
have to learn to say no when you mean
yes and yes when you mean no and yes you
just swipe left it’s done in other words
the social skills aren’t developing and
so there’s an entire generation that’s
growing up with lower self confidence
going into a workforce having their
self-image shattered not knowing
necessarily how to deal with all the
stress that they’re facing of growing up
and starting a career and finding out
where you fit and all of that good stuff
and instead of turning to a person we’re
turning to dices
and the results are starting to show up
in the statistics we know that suicide
is on the rise amongst this generation
we know that accidental death due to due
to overdoses is on the rise amongst this
generation depression is on the rise
amongst this generation
universities are suffering an epidemic
where they’re dealing with
disproportionately high numbers of
students than they’ve ever dealt with
ever before taking leaves of absence due
to depression and then to compound the
effect it’s a generation that’s grown up
with filters Facebook and Instagram and
we curate our own lives and present to
the world how we want to be seen and we
make ourselves look good we make the
weather look better and the sunsets are
always more bright in Instagram and they
were in real life in other words we’re
good at presenting ourselves as we’re
not but how we want to be seen and so
everybody thinks this generation is
strong and confident and all the
companies we go work for they think we
have it all figured out and we certainly
sound I say we only dress like a 16 year
old this generation presents itself as
having all the answers and yet they
don’t and stress runs high and they
don’t know how to ask for help and gets
worse then you add in the manner in
which so many people grew up in this
generation with in sense of impatience
now as I said before you’re often
accused of being entitled and it
certainly seems that way but I think
it’s a misreading of the tea leaves
you’ve grown up in a world of instant
gratification you want to buy something
you go on Amazon it shows up the next
day you won’t you want to watch a movie
don’t check movie times you just stream
it whatever you want to watch it TV
shows you don’t wait week to week to
week you can binge watch the whole
weekend and like I said even dating is
just a swipe to the right right
everything is incident everything is
instant gratification and the problem is
too many people have applied that sense
of instant gratification to their
careers and to the lives and the problem
is there ain’t no app for that I’ve hear
from this generation
that too many people struggle to form
their words not mine
struggle to form deep meaningful
relationships many will admit that most
of their friendships are superficial
many will admit that their friends would
cancel on them if something better came
along many would admit that they don’t
have deep trusting loving relationships
with their own friends that’s because
it’s a journey I talked to so many smart
fantastic ambitious idealistic
hard-working kids and they’re right out
of college they’re in their entry-level
jobs and I’ll ask them how’s it going
and they’ll say I think I’m gonna quit
and I’m like why they say to me I’m not
making an impact I’m like you know
you’ve been here eight months right they
treat the sense of fulfillment or even
love like it’s a scavenger hunt like
it’s something you look for my
millennial friends they’ve gone through
so many jobs they’re either getting
fired I mean it was mutual or they’re
quitting because they’re not making an
impact or they’re not finding the thing
they’re looking for they’re not feeling
fulfilled as if it’s a scavenger hunt
love a job you find joy from is not
something you discover it’s not like I
found love here it is I found a job I
love that’s not how it works both of
those things require hard work you are
in love because you work very hard every
single day of your life to stay in love
you find a job that brings you ultimate
joy because you work hard every single
day to serve those around you and you
maintain that joy it’s not a discovery
but the problem is the sense of
impatience it’s as if an entire
generation of standing at the foot of a
mountain they know exactly what they
want they can see the summit what they
can’t see is the mountain this large a
movable object that doesn’t mean you
have to do your time that’s not what I’m
talking about take a helicopter climb I
don’t care but there’s still a mountain
life career fulfillment relationships
are journeys
the problem is this entire generation
has an institutionalized sense of
impatience and do they have the patience
to go on the journey to maintain love to
feel fulfilled or do they just quit and
on to the next dump and on to the next
ghost and on to the next
and by the way ghosting means the lack
of skill to have a confrontation you
date somebody for six months eight
months and then just stop replying just
delete them from everything now for the
person who’s doing the ghosting oh
that’s certainly easier than a
confrontation but the person on the
receiving end of the ghosting it’s like
there’s a death there’s suddenly shunned
there’s panic they call out their
warning they call out their word they
think it’s you they think it’s them do
you have any idea the destruction that
we reap on people by ghosting them and
then because there’s the lack of social
skills to call out and ask for help they
internalize and it makes them feel awful
to the point at the worst they will kill
themselves slightly one level down
they’ll get depressed but the lowest
level that we can hope for is they will
go through life and I’m not talking
about ghosting I’m talking an entire
generation that if we don’t fix this
we’ll go through life where everything’s
just fine my friendships are fine my
work is fine you know same old same old
nothing’s ever amazing and the scavenger
hunt continues and then you go to the
fourth observation the most egregious of
all of them environment we’re taking a
generation that is lower self-esteem
we’re taking a generation that has a
lack of Coco ping mechanisms to deal
with stress we’re capable dealing with a
generation that wants all those things
fixed immediately and we’re placing them
into work environments that values money
more than people do you know that most
of the business philosophies most of the
business theories that we embrace and
see a standard today are not standard
they’re theories left over from the 80s
and 90s the concept of shareholder
supremacy was a theory proposed in the
late 1970s it was popularized in the 80s
and 90s the concept of using mass
lay offs to balance the books did not
exist in the United States prior to the
1980s it did not exist it became popular
in the 80s and 90s the 80s and 90s were
boom years anyone could make money
relative peace a kinder gentler cold war
and so all of the business theories that
were put forth were very very selfish
and all about enriching ourselves and
they worked for those times but these
times are different these are not
peaceful times these are not boom years
this is there’s globalization and the
internet which is now made everything
vastly more complicated and those
theories do not work anymore worse
they’re having side effects it’s really
bad because what we do is we destroy
corporate cultures the idea of using
mass layoffs can you imagine sending
someone home and saying I’m sorry
I can no longer provide for our family
because the company missed its arbitrary
projections this year that’s what we’re
doing that’s like a coach prioritizing
the needs of the fans over the needs of
the players hoping to build a great team
it doesn’t work we dismantled things
like the glass-steagall Act
glass-steagall was passed after the
Great Depression to prevent another
Great Depression from happening it was
dismantled in the 80s and the 90s in the
name of profit okay do you know how many
stock market crashes we had between the
Great Depression and the dismantling of
glass-steagall the answer is zero and
since they dismantled glass-steagall
we had 87 the dot-com crash 2008 we’ve
had three stock market crashes because
we have moved the safety mechanisms that
prevent stock market crashes from
happening all in the name of individual
advancement and profit and these are the
corporate cultures we’ve built corporate
cultures that value numbers over people
and they are not standard business
practices they are new and they are
broken and they are dangerous and we’re
asking a young
wonderful ambitious amazing generation
that needs us to work in these
environments whether we like it or not
we have to take responsibility for that
bad hand that you’ve been dealt it is up
to the companies to create an
environment in which you can build your
self-confidence it is up to the
companies to create an environment in
which you can learn coping mechanisms
and learn how to build strong close
relationships with people with whom you
work that you will eventually love and
sacrifice to see that they gain it is in
these environments that we will learn
the patience and the hard work that it
takes to find fulfilment in our lives to
find a sense of purpose a sense of joy
yes it’s all fine and good that my
generation and older generations say to
you things like well you’re the future
leaders
we’re the leaders now we’re the ones in
control over the corporate environments
now and we’re making your lives worse I
don’t want you to jump from job to job
to job to job you will never find what
you’re looking for it’s not a scavenger
hunt I don’t want you to go from
relationship to relationship to
relationship what I want you to do is
stand up and demand that the places in
which you work lead you properly nobody
wants to wake up in the morning and be
managed we want to wake up in the
morning and be led and we have a total
leadership crisis in America politics is
just the mirror reflection we get the
politicians we deserve we’re the divided
ones we’re the selfish ones we’re the
broken ones
we’re the ones who would sooner
sacrifice somebody else so that we may
gain it’s us and until we’re willing to
do the hard work of repairing the world
around us our country our politics our
businesses will not fix which leads me
understanding the game were playing this
game called work or life or love
whichever one you want or all of them in
game theory there are two kinds of games
there are finite games and there are
infinite games a finite game is defined
as known players fixed rules and an
agreed upon objective baseball we all
agree what the rules are and at the end
of nine innings whoever has more runs we
declare the winner and the game is over
no one ever says wait wait wait if we
can just play three more innings I know
we can come back and win doesn’t happen
right you have winners and you have
losers right then there is an infinite
game an infinite game is defined as
known and unknown players the rules are
changeable and the objective is to keep
the game and play to perpetuate the game
when you pit a finite player versus a
finite player the system is stable
baseball is stable when you pit an
infinite player versus an infinite
player the system is also stable the
Cold War was stable because there can be
no winners and losers it doesn’t exist
that’s it’s not a scenario we want and
so you keep the game and play to keep it
stable and in an infinite game because
there are no winners or losers what
happens is players drop out when they
run out of the will or the resources to
play and then they’re replaced by other
players the game perpetuates the players
change out problems arise when you pit a
finite player versus an infinite player
because the finite player is playing to
win and the infinite player is playing
to stay in the game and the finite
player will always get frustrated they
will find themselves in quagmire this
was the United States in Vietnam we were
fighting to win they were fighting for
their lives
this was the Soviet Union in Afghanistan
they were fight to beat the Mujahideen
the Mujahideen would fight for as long
as was necessary now let’s look at the
game of business the game of business is
by its very definition an infinite game
it is pre-existed before every single
company on this planet ever existed and
it will outlast and
every single company on this planet but
if you listen to the words of most
companies they don’t know the game
they’re in you listen to companies they
want to be number one based on what
metrics based on what time frames
revenues market share square footage
number of employees based on a quarter a
year five years ten years 50 years I
didn’t agree to those standards you
can’t suddenly just arbitrarily say
we’re number one no one else agreed to
the standards it’s nonsense to beat our
competition based on what and they study
their competition trying to outdo their
competition and yet I’ve never heard of
a company that’s taken down by
competitors they know they’re always
taken down by the competitors they don’t
know do you think myspace knew that
Facebook existed they were worried about
Friendster you can’t make strategic
decisions from studying your competition
you can make tactical decisions from
study your competition but not strategic
decisions which when you listen to the
way most companies play the game they’re
in the wrong game that’s why they get
frustrated the great organizations
understand that they’re playing to stay
in the game Jim Senegal the founder of
Costco says Wall Street’s in the
business of making the quarter of the
year we’re in the business of building
company for the next 50 years the
understanding of knowing what game
you’re in radically changes the kinds of
decisions you make in the way you see
the world it is also tremendously
confidence building let me give you a
stru story I spoke at a education and
education that’s funny I spoke at an
education summit for Microsoft I also
spoke at an education summit for Apple
that’s education from Mike at the
education summit for Microsoft I would
say that 70% of the executives had spent
about 70% of their presentations talking
about how to beat Apple at the Apple
education summit a hundred percent of
the executives spent a hundred percent
of their presentations talking about how
to help
teachers teach and how to help students
learn one is playing this way and one is
playing that way one is playing finite
and the other one is playing infinite
guess which one gets frustrated so at
the end of my talk at Microsoft they
gave me a gift they gave me the new Zune
when it was a thing and let me tell you
this thing was spectacular
it was the most elegant piece of
technology I’d ever used the user
interface was incredible the design was
spectacular I absolutely loved it it was
easy to use and it was bright and
gorgeous and it didn’t work on iTunes
which is a different problem so I
couldn’t use it but but it was amazing
and elegant my god it was elegant so I’m
sitting in the back of the taxi with a
very senior Apple executive sort of
employee number 12 kind of guy and you
know I like to stir pots so I turned him
I said you know Microsoft gave me their
new Zune and it is so much better than
your iPod touch and he turned to me and
he said I have no doubt conversation
because the infinite player understands
sometimes your head and sometimes you
behind
sometimes your product is better and
sometimes it’s worse the goal isn’t to
be the best every day the goal isn’t out
to outdo your competition every day
that’s a finite construction if I had
said to Microsoft I’ve got the new iPod
touch and it’s so much better than your
Zune they would have said can we see it
what does it do react react react react
finite players play to be bet to beat
the people around them infinite players
play to be better than themselves to
wake up every single day and say how can
we make our company a better version of
itself today than it was yesterday how
can we create a product this week that’s
better than the product we created last
week we also have to play the infinite
game it’s not about being ranked number
one it’s not about having more followers
on Twitter than your friends it’s not
about outdoing anyone it’s about how to
outdo yourself it’s not about selling
more books or getting more Ted views
than somebody else it’s about how to
make sure that the work that you’re
producing is better than the work you
produced before you are your competition
and that is what ensures you stay in the
game the longest and that is what
ensures you find joy because the joy
comes not from comparison but from
advancement the problem is the problem
is were human beings
and we love to compare we can’t we love
a ranking oh we love a ranking top 10
list top 100 that oh we love a ranking
you know every industries it’s got its
own rankings and we love to be on those
rankings even though most of the
rankings are arbitrary you can pretty
much oil most of them you buy your way
onto most of them right but I’m on the
list
alright they did a study a who do all
the studies they did a study where they
asked people if they wanted a free four
hundred thousand dollar house on a block
where all the other houses are a hundred
thousand dollars or a free million
dollar house on a block where all the
other houses are a million four million
dollars most people took the four
hundred thousand dollar house we just
love to be better than each other but
that is a depressing way to live a life
what I urge you to do if you are not a
millennial is to have a little empathy
for the Millennials around you they were
dealt a bad hand and unfortunately we
have to help them build their confidence
find their patience and break the habit
from their technologies so that they can
learn the social skills they need to
leave happy joyful lives if you are a
millennial it’s not you and take care of
the Millennial friends that you have
around you because they’re not mad at
you and they’re not bad people they were
dealt the same bad hand that you were
dealt don’t demand that they take care
of you
take care of them and that’s part of the
problem there’s an entire section in the
book shop called self help and there’s
no section in the book shop called help
others and the way that we fix the
problems in the world is not by trying
to demand that help people help us how
can I lose ten pounds how can I find
love how can I find the job that I’ve
made of my dreams that’s what all the
books say no it should be how can I help
my friend live a healthy lifestyle how
can I help my friend find a lifetime of
fulfillment that’s what it’s about it’s
about service to others because that’s
what it means to be human everything
about our makeup our biology and our
anthropology is designed to get us to
look after each other
everything about our makeup is designed
to get us to take care of each other
that’s why an event like this feels
better than watching it online because
we get to sit next to each other we get
to sit with each other it’s nicer for me
too it’s much nicer for me to be here
with you because we’re social but we all
have a responsibility in this tribe if
you want to have a happy successful
fulfilling
confident life
you have to commit yourself to take care
of the people around you that’s just how it works good
that I give and every single meeting
that I have invariably someone will ask
me the Millenial question apparently and
most of you in here I think were born
after the year 1984 right which makes
you Millennials 94 ish 84 ish I mean
apparently your generation is unbeatable
apparently you confound leaders and I
travel around talking about this thing
called leadership and apparently you’re
the one they have no idea what to do
with which i think is funny and so in
what they’ve started to do then is ask
you what you want and you reply back
free food and bean bags open plan and so
they do that and yet nothing changes and
so instead of trying to figure it out
try and understand you guys they accuse
you of being entitled they accuse you
being narcissistic sometimes accuse you
being lazy I’ve heard that one and I
think that they are completely wrong
I think what they haven’t spent the time
to do is to practice empathy which
ironically is the first criteria of
being a good leader which is you have to
be good at empathy and so when I get
asked this question all the time it only
makes sense that I should empathize and
try and have an answer right so here’s
what I tell everybody I’ve broken it
down into sort of four observations
parenting technology impatience and
environment many of this young
generation of this millennial generation
were subject to what has been described
as a failed parenting strategy some of
you and many of your friends were raised
being told that you were special and you
were told that you can have whatever you
want just because you want it
many schools gave performances
oh no terrific participation ribbons so
in other words kids got medals for
coming in last and the science on this
is good we know what it does is it
devalues the feeling in the medal for
the person who actually works hard to
come in first and it embarrasses the
person who comes in last because they
know they don’t deserve it and it makes
them feel worse some kids got into
honors classes not because they deserved
it but because their parents complained
and some kids got a is not because they
earned them but because the teachers
didn’t want to deal with the parents and
then you graduate and you get a job and
in an instant your entire self view is
shattered because many kids find out
that they’re not special they find out
that they can’t have whatever they want
just because they want it there’s
nothing when you come in last
you get no medal for coming in last and
your parents cannot help you get a
promotion and so what the result is is
an entire generation where there’s a
disproportionately high number of P
growing up with lower self-confidence
than previous generations because this
entire self-image is completely
shattered instantaneously and so much so
that I actually hear stories of people’s
parents filling out their job
applications for them and other things
right it’s that bad right then you
combine it with the second observation
which is technology we know that and we
engage with social media or our cell
phones a chemical in our body called
dopamine is released right it’s what
makes us feel good right dopamine is the
same chemical that is released in our
bodies when we find something we’re
looking for like your keys when you go
on Google when you hit the goal or win
the game that yes this sense of joy or
in sort of that that’s dopamine well we
know that we get a hit of dopamine when
we engage with social media when our
phones go buzz Bing flash or beep that’s
why if you’re feeling a little bit down
you pull out your phone and you send 10
texts to 10 friends you know hi hi hi hi
hi and you hope that somebody texts you
back because when you they do it feels
good right there are other things that
release dopamine alcohol nicotine
gambling all release dopamine it’s why
they feel good and almost all addictions
are dopamine based addictions we also
know that almost all alcoholics
discovered alcohol when they were
teenagers
you see when we’re very very young the
only approval we need is the approval of
our parents then when we go through
adolescence we make this transition
where we now need the approval of our
peers very frustrating for our parents
very important for us it allows us to
acculturate outside of our immediate
families into the broader tribe it is a
time of high stress and high anxiety and
we’re supposed to learn to rely on our
friends some people quite by accident
discover alcohol and the numbing effects
of dopamine and unfortunately that
connection becomes hardwired and then
for the rest of their lives every time
they face significant stress they
don’t turn to a person they turned to
the bottle right now as I said before we
know that social media and cell phones
release dopamine now we have age
restrictions on alcohol with age
restrictions on tobacco and we have age
restrictions on gambling but we have no
age restrictions on social media and
cell phones it’s as if an entire
generation who are going through
adolescence their parents have thrown
open the liquor cabinet and said try the
vodka to help you get through the
teenage years that’s what social media
and cell phones do so unfortunately for
too many people that connection is
becoming hardwired
and as they grow up when they face
significant stress in their lives
instead of learning to turn to a person
they turn to a device right where we
seek solace in social media where we’ll
check an Instagram post how many likes
we’re getting check we’ll check and
we’ll check a check and we’ll check and
we’ll check and sometimes our own
self-worth comes from how many followers
we have it can become devastating to us
when somebody unfollow this right the
only way that we we sweet we stand away
from stress when we face it in other
words an entire generation is growing up
having not practiced or learned coping
mechanisms for stress this is very very
serious for social animals that need
each other where we haven’t learned
those skills it’s and it’s even worse
because if you want to go on a date you
don’t have to learn to be like hey you
just swipe right you just got a date you
can have 4 dates in an evening right and
if you don’t like the person you don’t
have to learn to say no when you mean
yes and yes when you mean no and yes you
just swipe left it’s done in other words
the social skills aren’t developing and
so there’s an entire generation that’s
growing up with lower self confidence
going into a workforce having their
self-image shattered not knowing
necessarily how to deal with all the
stress that they’re facing of growing up
and starting a career and finding out
where you fit and all of that good stuff
and instead of turning to a person we’re
turning to dices
and the results are starting to show up
in the statistics we know that suicide
is on the rise amongst this generation
we know that accidental death due to due
to overdoses is on the rise amongst this
generation depression is on the rise
amongst this generation
universities are suffering an epidemic
where they’re dealing with
disproportionately high numbers of
students than they’ve ever dealt with
ever before taking leaves of absence due
to depression and then to compound the
effect it’s a generation that’s grown up
with filters Facebook and Instagram and
we curate our own lives and present to
the world how we want to be seen and we
make ourselves look good we make the
weather look better and the sunsets are
always more bright in Instagram and they
were in real life in other words we’re
good at presenting ourselves as we’re
not but how we want to be seen and so
everybody thinks this generation is
strong and confident and all the
companies we go work for they think we
have it all figured out and we certainly
sound I say we only dress like a 16 year
old this generation presents itself as
having all the answers and yet they
don’t and stress runs high and they
don’t know how to ask for help and gets
worse then you add in the manner in
which so many people grew up in this
generation with in sense of impatience
now as I said before you’re often
accused of being entitled and it
certainly seems that way but I think
it’s a misreading of the tea leaves
you’ve grown up in a world of instant
gratification you want to buy something
you go on Amazon it shows up the next
day you won’t you want to watch a movie
don’t check movie times you just stream
it whatever you want to watch it TV
shows you don’t wait week to week to
week you can binge watch the whole
weekend and like I said even dating is
just a swipe to the right right
everything is incident everything is
instant gratification and the problem is
too many people have applied that sense
of instant gratification to their
careers and to the lives and the problem
is there ain’t no app for that I’ve hear
from this generation
that too many people struggle to form
their words not mine
struggle to form deep meaningful
relationships many will admit that most
of their friendships are superficial
many will admit that their friends would
cancel on them if something better came
along many would admit that they don’t
have deep trusting loving relationships
with their own friends that’s because
it’s a journey I talked to so many smart
fantastic ambitious idealistic
hard-working kids and they’re right out
of college they’re in their entry-level
jobs and I’ll ask them how’s it going
and they’ll say I think I’m gonna quit
and I’m like why they say to me I’m not
making an impact I’m like you know
you’ve been here eight months right they
treat the sense of fulfillment or even
love like it’s a scavenger hunt like
it’s something you look for my
millennial friends they’ve gone through
so many jobs they’re either getting
fired I mean it was mutual or they’re
quitting because they’re not making an
impact or they’re not finding the thing
they’re looking for they’re not feeling
fulfilled as if it’s a scavenger hunt
love a job you find joy from is not
something you discover it’s not like I
found love here it is I found a job I
love that’s not how it works both of
those things require hard work you are
in love because you work very hard every
single day of your life to stay in love
you find a job that brings you ultimate
joy because you work hard every single
day to serve those around you and you
maintain that joy it’s not a discovery
but the problem is the sense of
impatience it’s as if an entire
generation of standing at the foot of a
mountain they know exactly what they
want they can see the summit what they
can’t see is the mountain this large a
movable object that doesn’t mean you
have to do your time that’s not what I’m
talking about take a helicopter climb I
don’t care but there’s still a mountain
life career fulfillment relationships
are journeys
the problem is this entire generation
has an institutionalized sense of
impatience and do they have the patience
to go on the journey to maintain love to
feel fulfilled or do they just quit and
on to the next dump and on to the next
ghost and on to the next
and by the way ghosting means the lack
of skill to have a confrontation you
date somebody for six months eight
months and then just stop replying just
delete them from everything now for the
person who’s doing the ghosting oh
that’s certainly easier than a
confrontation but the person on the
receiving end of the ghosting it’s like
there’s a death there’s suddenly shunned
there’s panic they call out their
warning they call out their word they
think it’s you they think it’s them do
you have any idea the destruction that
we reap on people by ghosting them and
then because there’s the lack of social
skills to call out and ask for help they
internalize and it makes them feel awful
to the point at the worst they will kill
themselves slightly one level down
they’ll get depressed but the lowest
level that we can hope for is they will
go through life and I’m not talking
about ghosting I’m talking an entire
generation that if we don’t fix this
we’ll go through life where everything’s
just fine my friendships are fine my
work is fine you know same old same old
nothing’s ever amazing and the scavenger
hunt continues and then you go to the
fourth observation the most egregious of
all of them environment we’re taking a
generation that is lower self-esteem
we’re taking a generation that has a
lack of Coco ping mechanisms to deal
with stress we’re capable dealing with a
generation that wants all those things
fixed immediately and we’re placing them
into work environments that values money
more than people do you know that most
of the business philosophies most of the
business theories that we embrace and
see a standard today are not standard
they’re theories left over from the 80s
and 90s the concept of shareholder
supremacy was a theory proposed in the
late 1970s it was popularized in the 80s
and 90s the concept of using mass
lay offs to balance the books did not
exist in the United States prior to the
1980s it did not exist it became popular
in the 80s and 90s the 80s and 90s were
boom years anyone could make money
relative peace a kinder gentler cold war
and so all of the business theories that
were put forth were very very selfish
and all about enriching ourselves and
they worked for those times but these
times are different these are not
peaceful times these are not boom years
this is there’s globalization and the
internet which is now made everything
vastly more complicated and those
theories do not work anymore worse
they’re having side effects it’s really
bad because what we do is we destroy
corporate cultures the idea of using
mass layoffs can you imagine sending
someone home and saying I’m sorry
I can no longer provide for our family
because the company missed its arbitrary
projections this year that’s what we’re
doing that’s like a coach prioritizing
the needs of the fans over the needs of
the players hoping to build a great team
it doesn’t work we dismantled things
like the glass-steagall Act
glass-steagall was passed after the
Great Depression to prevent another
Great Depression from happening it was
dismantled in the 80s and the 90s in the
name of profit okay do you know how many
stock market crashes we had between the
Great Depression and the dismantling of
glass-steagall the answer is zero and
since they dismantled glass-steagall
we had 87 the dot-com crash 2008 we’ve
had three stock market crashes because
we have moved the safety mechanisms that
prevent stock market crashes from
happening all in the name of individual
advancement and profit and these are the
corporate cultures we’ve built corporate
cultures that value numbers over people
and they are not standard business
practices they are new and they are
broken and they are dangerous and we’re
asking a young
wonderful ambitious amazing generation
that needs us to work in these
environments whether we like it or not
we have to take responsibility for that
bad hand that you’ve been dealt it is up
to the companies to create an
environment in which you can build your
self-confidence it is up to the
companies to create an environment in
which you can learn coping mechanisms
and learn how to build strong close
relationships with people with whom you
work that you will eventually love and
sacrifice to see that they gain it is in
these environments that we will learn
the patience and the hard work that it
takes to find fulfilment in our lives to
find a sense of purpose a sense of joy
yes it’s all fine and good that my
generation and older generations say to
you things like well you’re the future
leaders
we’re the leaders now we’re the ones in
control over the corporate environments
now and we’re making your lives worse I
don’t want you to jump from job to job
to job to job you will never find what
you’re looking for it’s not a scavenger
hunt I don’t want you to go from
relationship to relationship to
relationship what I want you to do is
stand up and demand that the places in
which you work lead you properly nobody
wants to wake up in the morning and be
managed we want to wake up in the
morning and be led and we have a total
leadership crisis in America politics is
just the mirror reflection we get the
politicians we deserve we’re the divided
ones we’re the selfish ones we’re the
broken ones
we’re the ones who would sooner
sacrifice somebody else so that we may
gain it’s us and until we’re willing to
do the hard work of repairing the world
around us our country our politics our
businesses will not fix which leads me
understanding the game were playing this
game called work or life or love
whichever one you want or all of them in
game theory there are two kinds of games
there are finite games and there are
infinite games a finite game is defined
as known players fixed rules and an
agreed upon objective baseball we all
agree what the rules are and at the end
of nine innings whoever has more runs we
declare the winner and the game is over
no one ever says wait wait wait if we
can just play three more innings I know
we can come back and win doesn’t happen
right you have winners and you have
losers right then there is an infinite
game an infinite game is defined as
known and unknown players the rules are
changeable and the objective is to keep
the game and play to perpetuate the game
when you pit a finite player versus a
finite player the system is stable
baseball is stable when you pit an
infinite player versus an infinite
player the system is also stable the
Cold War was stable because there can be
no winners and losers it doesn’t exist
that’s it’s not a scenario we want and
so you keep the game and play to keep it
stable and in an infinite game because
there are no winners or losers what
happens is players drop out when they
run out of the will or the resources to
play and then they’re replaced by other
players the game perpetuates the players
change out problems arise when you pit a
finite player versus an infinite player
because the finite player is playing to
win and the infinite player is playing
to stay in the game and the finite
player will always get frustrated they
will find themselves in quagmire this
was the United States in Vietnam we were
fighting to win they were fighting for
their lives
this was the Soviet Union in Afghanistan
they were fight to beat the Mujahideen
the Mujahideen would fight for as long
as was necessary now let’s look at the
game of business the game of business is
by its very definition an infinite game
it is pre-existed before every single
company on this planet ever existed and
it will outlast and
every single company on this planet but
if you listen to the words of most
companies they don’t know the game
they’re in you listen to companies they
want to be number one based on what
metrics based on what time frames
revenues market share square footage
number of employees based on a quarter a
year five years ten years 50 years I
didn’t agree to those standards you
can’t suddenly just arbitrarily say
we’re number one no one else agreed to
the standards it’s nonsense to beat our
competition based on what and they study
their competition trying to outdo their
competition and yet I’ve never heard of
a company that’s taken down by
competitors they know they’re always
taken down by the competitors they don’t
know do you think myspace knew that
Facebook existed they were worried about
Friendster you can’t make strategic
decisions from studying your competition
you can make tactical decisions from
study your competition but not strategic
decisions which when you listen to the
way most companies play the game they’re
in the wrong game that’s why they get
frustrated the great organizations
understand that they’re playing to stay
in the game Jim Senegal the founder of
Costco says Wall Street’s in the
business of making the quarter of the
year we’re in the business of building
company for the next 50 years the
understanding of knowing what game
you’re in radically changes the kinds of
decisions you make in the way you see
the world it is also tremendously
confidence building let me give you a
stru story I spoke at a education and
education that’s funny I spoke at an
education summit for Microsoft I also
spoke at an education summit for Apple
that’s education from Mike at the
education summit for Microsoft I would
say that 70% of the executives had spent
about 70% of their presentations talking
about how to beat Apple at the Apple
education summit a hundred percent of
the executives spent a hundred percent
of their presentations talking about how
to help
teachers teach and how to help students
learn one is playing this way and one is
playing that way one is playing finite
and the other one is playing infinite
guess which one gets frustrated so at
the end of my talk at Microsoft they
gave me a gift they gave me the new Zune
when it was a thing and let me tell you
this thing was spectacular
it was the most elegant piece of
technology I’d ever used the user
interface was incredible the design was
spectacular I absolutely loved it it was
easy to use and it was bright and
gorgeous and it didn’t work on iTunes
which is a different problem so I
couldn’t use it but but it was amazing
and elegant my god it was elegant so I’m
sitting in the back of the taxi with a
very senior Apple executive sort of
employee number 12 kind of guy and you
know I like to stir pots so I turned him
I said you know Microsoft gave me their
new Zune and it is so much better than
your iPod touch and he turned to me and
he said I have no doubt conversation
because the infinite player understands
sometimes your head and sometimes you
behind
sometimes your product is better and
sometimes it’s worse the goal isn’t to
be the best every day the goal isn’t out
to outdo your competition every day
that’s a finite construction if I had
said to Microsoft I’ve got the new iPod
touch and it’s so much better than your
Zune they would have said can we see it
what does it do react react react react
finite players play to be bet to beat
the people around them infinite players
play to be better than themselves to
wake up every single day and say how can
we make our company a better version of
itself today than it was yesterday how
can we create a product this week that’s
better than the product we created last
week we also have to play the infinite
game it’s not about being ranked number
one it’s not about having more followers
on Twitter than your friends it’s not
about outdoing anyone it’s about how to
outdo yourself it’s not about selling
more books or getting more Ted views
than somebody else it’s about how to
make sure that the work that you’re
producing is better than the work you
produced before you are your competition
and that is what ensures you stay in the
game the longest and that is what
ensures you find joy because the joy
comes not from comparison but from
advancement the problem is the problem
is were human beings
and we love to compare we can’t we love
a ranking oh we love a ranking top 10
list top 100 that oh we love a ranking
you know every industries it’s got its
own rankings and we love to be on those
rankings even though most of the
rankings are arbitrary you can pretty
much oil most of them you buy your way
onto most of them right but I’m on the
list
alright they did a study a who do all
the studies they did a study where they
asked people if they wanted a free four
hundred thousand dollar house on a block
where all the other houses are a hundred
thousand dollars or a free million
dollar house on a block where all the
other houses are a million four million
dollars most people took the four
hundred thousand dollar house we just
love to be better than each other but
that is a depressing way to live a life
what I urge you to do if you are not a
millennial is to have a little empathy
for the Millennials around you they were
dealt a bad hand and unfortunately we
have to help them build their confidence
find their patience and break the habit
from their technologies so that they can
learn the social skills they need to
leave happy joyful lives if you are a
millennial it’s not you and take care of
the Millennial friends that you have
around you because they’re not mad at
you and they’re not bad people they were
dealt the same bad hand that you were
dealt don’t demand that they take care
of you
take care of them and that’s part of the
problem there’s an entire section in the
book shop called self help and there’s
no section in the book shop called help
others and the way that we fix the
problems in the world is not by trying
to demand that help people help us how
can I lose ten pounds how can I find
love how can I find the job that I’ve
made of my dreams that’s what all the
books say no it should be how can I help
my friend live a healthy lifestyle how
can I help my friend find a lifetime of
fulfillment that’s what it’s about it’s
about service to others because that’s
what it means to be human everything
about our makeup our biology and our
anthropology is designed to get us to
look after each other
everything about our makeup is designed
to get us to take care of each other
that’s why an event like this feels
better than watching it online because
we get to sit next to each other we get
to sit with each other it’s nicer for me
too it’s much nicer for me to be here
with you because we’re social but we all
have a responsibility in this tribe if
you want to have a happy successful
fulfilling
confident life
you have to commit yourself to take care
of the people around you that’s just how it works good
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